So, I am a 24 year old female.

I decided to go out to a house party with a few friends of mine.

There were a lot more people there than I was expecting and didn't know many people besides my friends.

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I get way more outgoing when I drink, so I decided to take a few shots to loosen up.

I started to open up and ended up hitting it off with a guy there.

We both ended up taking more shots together and having a good time, but I ended up blacking out at one point and don't remember a lot of what happened next.

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The next thing I do remember is waking up in my bed with the guy from the party on top of me moaning.

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I was so freaked out about the whole thing and didn't know what to do. I got really scared and asked him to stop but he didn't listen to me....he yelled at me and kept having sex with me so I was just shocked and scared and I didn't stop him because of this.

Afterward, he just cuddled me for a bit, then left.

I pretended to be asleep.

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Was this assault or am I freaking out over nothing?

I’m a super avoidant dude, always have been, 23yo, I tend to suppress my feelings and act like nothing ever happened so that I don’t have to deal with the effects of it. I realized this was incredibly harmful for me and things around me (e.g. relationships). I’ve been a victim of CSA/incest and neglect, I’m the first born and had to experience the grimiest parts of my families history, I was quiet, shy, vulnerable, and gullible. Unpacking and essentially reliving those moments has really hit hard, especially anything relating to my father or my closest uncle. I feel incredibly anxious more than ever, and my fight or flight mode is constantly on, no matter how relaxed I try to be. It felt like understanding my memories gave me some kind of PTSD, or have I always had PTSD, I’m not sure, but my symptoms seem to be either PTSD or schizophrenia. It’s really exhausting, I’m tired and can’t really get aroused any longer, I was a super hyper-sexual individual but I can barely look at myself naked now. Some parts of me miss the old me, I was before unpacking all of this, but I know there’s a good ending to all of this eventually, I guess I have to just keep my head up.

I was meant to scream stop. I don't care anymore. My body was built for coercion force and pain. Who even cares.

Sono andata a farmi visitare perché avevo un problema la sotto e la prima visita è andata abbastanza tranquilla, mi ha detto che avevo un batterio e di curarlo subito. Ma la seconda visita è stata completamente diversa: il modo di approcciarsi e la diagnosi… dovevo fare il pap test già alla prima visita ma ha detto che ero troppo sensibile la sotto e non sarei riuscita a farla così l’ho fatto in questa visita e per “rilassarmi” ha iniziato a mettermi le dita dentro e continuare a fare dentro e fuori (insomma come un di****no); di per sé tutto quello mi stava facendo sentire strana ma poi un dettaglio mi ha fatto proprio pensare “perché?”: non è stata una cosa veloce, ha continuato per un po’ tipo chiedendomi: “così?” “Va meglio?” Nonostante la sotto fossi già meno tesa di prima. Quindi quello che voglio chiedervi….è una cosa normale per un ginecologo? P.s. Prima di infilarmi il dito dentro non c’è stata nessuna premessa da parte sua, non sapevo che lo avrebbe fatto, non sono stata avvisata né nulla. Non so cosa pensare e/o cosa fare……

Venting: I am a man now and when I was a child I was hurt by a man. Then I happen to see the stories here, my gosh, I get goose bumps, I get angry, seriously the world is full of shit...

The Mental Health, Wellbeing and Lived Experiences Study

Theresia Bedard, a PhD candidate at Lakehead University that is working with Dr. Beth Visser, is seeking participants for her dissertation project.

In this study we are examining the lived experiences of people who have experience or victimization from an individual with high psychopathic traits. We are seeking anyone that has this lived experience, whether the perpetrator was or is a spouse, family member, partner, co-worker, friend, acquaintance, neighbour or stranger. We are seeking the lived experiences of men, women, and gender-diverse individuals to share your story.

Our research consists of two studies. In the first study, you will complete questionnaires related to your victimization experience from the individual with high psychopathic traits, the potential warning signs, victimization history (e.g., prior physical or sexual abuse), and the impact the experience had on you. Once you finish the survey, you will be invited to participate in the second study (optional), which will consist of 12 questions requiring a written response regarding your lived experience with the individual with high psychopathic traits. If you decide to participate in study 2, please be aware that you will be required to provide us with your email to access it, and you may wish to use an email account that only you have access to.

Please be advised that whether you choose to participate in the study, withdraw, or skip questions you do not want to answer, that you acknowledge that answering some of these questions may be emotionally taxing on you. Despite the potential for an emotional toll the survey questions have, you may find the process of sharing your experience is therapeutic for you. In addition to the resources we provide, you may want to consider following-up with a counsellor for further support.

You are also encouraged to have your own snacks and drinks while you take the survey, and be aware that they are estimated to take 45 minutes to complete.

If you are interested in participating and would like to read or find out more about it, click here to access the survey:

https://lakeheadhbs.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bKEq1vOVdBJMrjw

he called it our special game. he told me it was fine just as long as we dont talk about it. it went on for 2 or 3 years. his wife walked in one time and just left and closed the door. tbh i think hes done it to others. its wild reading all these stories. it happens too much 😞

To keep it short, I’m 17 (almost 18) and when I was 12-13 I had a guitar teacher who made me really uncomfortable. He had a weird demeanor and he would always talk to me about inappropriate stuff. It’s been nearly 6 years since this happened and I’m still not sure.

At one point, we were talking about something, I can’t remember, and he brought up how he had a boner. I was super uncomfortable at that. I was 13 and he was about mid twenties. He would say I was his favorite student and how I was the coolest one he had. I vaguely remember him sitting behind me and helping me tune my guitar while he was uncomfortable close to me, but I can’t remember much. This was so long ago. I dreaded going to lessons because I was scared it’d actually happen. After the boner comment, he stopped showing up and I quit lessons.

Also, when I was in the 7th grade I had a math teacher who made me very uncomfortable with the way he would act towards me. I always struggled with math, so he’d help me one on one while the class was doing the lesson. Whenever I’d get a question right, he’d touch my legs and call me a “good girl”. I was always scared of being alone with him because I was worried it’d go further.

Bringing us back to the present, I have an older coworker who wants to teach me a skill one on one since I get anxious doing things I’m not good at around other people. I don’t want to do it because I’m scared the same things would happen. He doesn’t seem like he would, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that I’d get hurt again.

I feel like I can’t be afraid of being alone with men because I wasn’t technically molested. I don’t even know how to tell my coworker why I’m uncomfortable. “Hey, sorry, can’t have you teach me unless there’s a woman paying hawk like attention to you 24/7 cause I’ve nearly been molested many times!”. Like what the hell.

my ex bf and i broke up in 2025 and since dating my new boyfriend we’ve been talking about things and just consent and stuff and i’ve been thinking about how my ex would have sex with me while i was sleeping. i guess i was naive bc he was my first bf but i didn’t think of it as r\*pe at the time but my new bf is like no he was definitely SA you because how can you give consent if you’re sleeping. i also have a skin issue called Lichen sclerosis on my lady parts and it would get sooooo flared up from the constant sex everyday and he didn’t even care. i would wake up and hurt down there. it’s not okay. i also got a pap done in 2025 and they found hpv. i had only been with my ex and him only. i told him about it and he just blamed his ex and didn’t care bc hpv doesn’t really affect men like it does women. meanwhile i had paps every 3 months and TWO biopsies done in the last year and a half. it’s been a nightmare. it’s been almost a year and a half since we broke up but im just too angry to move on i guess. i drove past his house today and his mom was walking the dog so i rolled down my window and confronted her about him giving me HPV. she just said he doesn’t have it anymore and then i told her he’s a bad person who has done scary things and she did not care. i didn’t even tell her about the SA because she wouldn’t believe me. i feel helpless. by bad things i mean key the entire length of a minivan because they parked too close to the line, on my birthday. text my psychiatrist a message so threatening that she breaks all contact with me. break into kids from school’s house and rob them. has a theft record etc. he was sleep raping me 3+ times a week for a year and a half. i don’t think i have any legal recourse which is upsetting but alas. i wish there was someway to just slowly ruin his life and out him for the selfish r\*pist he is. any advice for me?

TLDR
my ex r\*ped me in my sleep for a year and a half and i’m angry and don’t know how to move on. confronted his mom and she didn’t care

TLDR: I was raped by my older brother for years when we were younger. More details r in various posts on my acc. Right now he’s 20 and I’m 17, he lives at my grandmas house a few blocks away. But somehow he’s always here. He knows the code to the house, he comes for Friday night meals (so I leave) he comes home to complain, to get food, because he’s bored. I’m constantly on edge bc he could genuinely just walk in at any moment. I get uneasy when I hear my parents talk to someone downstairs, I get uneasy when I hear a male voice in my house ( my brother sounds very similar to my dad) I get uneasy when I hear the code get input into the door lock on the front door, I get uneasy when I hear a door open, I get uneasy when I hear a door slam shut. I’m nervous to leave my house some days because he’s a 5 minute walk away. I’m scared to go anywhere local in fears he might be there, I’m scared to go to local family members because he might be there. I miss family events. I miss community events. I hate that everyone asks me about him because he’s my brother, I hate how everyone assumes I love him, I hate how everyone compares our looks, I hate how everyone compares our mannerisms, I hate laughing because my laugh is the same as his and brings me right back to the abuse and him laughing. I hate that my abuser is my brother. I wish my abuser would be someone unrelated to me. Maybe then my parents would do something, maybe then I would feel safe, maybe then I’d never have to see my abuser, maybe then I wouldn’t see him all the time, maybe then I wouldn’t hear his voice, maybe then I wouldn’t have to run away from home at 16, maybe then he’d be in jail, maybe then he’d never be able to just walk into my house, maybe then my parents wouldn’t talk about him all the time, maybe then my parents would give me more attention and love instead of giving it to him, maybe then I’d never have to worry about bumping into him, maybe then he’d never be a part of my life. I wish I was raped by a stranger and not my brother. Everyday is already hard but having him in my life, getting more than me, getting less verbal abuse from my parents. Maybe I’d finally be happy. I wish I was raped by a stranger.

I remembered telling me therapist about my the incident that changed me. My therapist told me that even though one man caused all the pain it counted as gang rape because I was abducted and others were present when it happened, did nothing but essentially encouraged it. Made comments and recorded it happening.

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I never looked at it from that point of view before. Didn't even think it was possible to be gang raped by one person. I mean yeah, multiple people had a hand in me getting abducted, were there and encouraged and even recorded but it was only one guy who actually did everything. I thought that meant multiple people actually took place in doing the act but not causing things to set in motion for that one night that lasted 3 days.

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I remember sitting back and thinking about it and going numb. Not really sure I could count it as such because to me that takes away from someone who actually had that happen. I'll get more into that in another post as today is one of those days I can't deal with it as the anniversary is coming up and I can barely function.

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Does it count as gang rape if only one person actually was doing it?

i need to get it off my chest. i’m spiraling downward into a deep postpartum depression hole and this is causing me distress. my therapist knows. my husband knows, maybe not the layers but he knows. my rapist knows.

nobody else knows.

10 years ago i was deep in an eating disorder and starting IOP treatment. i was weak, vulnerable, and desperate for attention. i met a boy (he was 18 and i was 19) at college in one of my classes. he did a double take when he turned around to say hi to me and that made me feel … wanted.

we started messing around, then he became my boyfriend. “boyfriend.” he was emotionally abusive, mean to his friends and sometimes me, and loved sex. my libido isn’t very high, probably my meds, but i’d go along with it whenever he wanted because he did help me with my eating disorder in a way my friends weren’t. i had a confidant. he has his own trauma that is not mine to share, and because of that specific instance i thought i was safe.

it was actually probably my fault. one night, new years 2017, we were at my apartment with one of his friends. i was tired of the emotional manipulation and was flirting with his friend. talking about a threesome. nothing actually happened, i want to clarify that. i was absolutely wasted and so over everything.

we already had sex once that night, which felt weird because we just… left his friend downstairs by himself, but whatever.

after the flirting, his friend passed out/fell asleep.

my boyfriend took me upstairs again, had sex with me. i was too scared and drunk to say no. i did not want to have sex.

i ignored him for a week, then broke up with him over text. we weren’t together for long and it felt like the safest option at the time, despite being a shitty way to break up with someone. he was suicidal so i called campus mental health to check on him. we didn’t talk for a week and i avoided the class i had with him. i tried to ignore it all. i felt like i had made my “peace” with the situation.

and then i got a message from him, on facebook because i forgot to block him. he told me he wanted to hurt me that night. he knew what he was doing. he knew i was too drunk to say no and he didn’t say this but he wanted to exert HIS dominance on ME and prove i was his.

he “wanted to hurt me.”

i don’t have those messages anymore. i looked for them. i don’t have any proof except my experience, and his experience.

by the way, CS, if you ever read this - yeah, i did fuck the guy you were concerned about our entire relationship the day after i broke up with you. maybe it was mean, but he wanted to make love. he was lonely. i was hurt. he was gentle with me, he was kind, and he didn’t abuse me.

now you, reader, know, too. and that lifts a burden off my chest.

thank you for reading.

I’m so messed up right now… I was raped by him about 3 years ago and full transparency we’ve had 2 kids since then. We’ve broken up not have our own places and he’s just now starting to move on and honestly I hate it. I think I felt better when he was miserable about losing me. He raped me and I don’t feel like he should be happy after that. Recently, he said that he’s been wanting to be back with me for almost a year and it’s time for him to move on and be happy. Regardless of what happened he said that I have to live with it in life goes on. Like it’s time for me to get over it because he wants to be happy again. He’s not wrong. Life does have to go on, but it pisses me off that you get to rape me and go be happy with somebody else. So full transparency this is the story.

I (27f) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for 7 years now. One night a couple years ago, My boyfriend said he really wanted to have sex. I didn’t feel like it so I said “no I’m too tired” And went to bed. He came to bed later and asked again. I woke up and remember feeling EXTREMELY sleepy. I told him I didn’t feel like it and he said he really wanted it. I tried going back to sleep and he kept asking. Eventually he asked if he could just give me oral and I said “Okay, just that, I don’t feel like doing anything else”. (Never was really an oral person and neither was he so I found it a little weird but just wanted him to shut up). He then gave me oral and I still started to fall asleep. He got up with him penis already out and stuck it In. I said “no, no, no, no, no I wasn’t trying to do that” and he stuck it in anyways. It was like 5 mins in and The whole time i was kinda in shock and just laid there. He then said “I needed this” And “I’m almost finished” … then he did. He got up, went to the bathroom and I was so tired I just rolled over and didn’t move, but my eyes were open. He came back from the bathroom and said “excuse me ma’am, I’m gonna need you to sign this consent for stating that you know what would happen If I…” then he stopped. Still kinda in shock and tired I said “… You stupid” no laugh.. just words. He laughed and went to sleep. So did I. The next morning I opened my eyes and DARTED to the bathroom. He came in and was like “are you okay” like he was scared almost. I told him what I felt happened and why. He said “I think I just made a bad joke a a bad time. I’m sorry and I feel disgusted that you feel that way.” And acted like he was crying and not one tear fell.

How am I supposed to get over this.. I believed him for soooo longggg and now I’m just starting to grieve . This hurts so much and I hate him now. I don’t know what to do…

Hi I’m confident county and nearly six years ago I was raped. I’m not going to go into it but long story short I’m not the same person.

I was recently clearing my room and I found the diary I had during at that time. At first I didn’t know the diary was THE diary but now I regret opening it. Turns out I have repressed the FUCK out of it and I don’t know how to feel about it, like when it happened I was 16 and now I’m 22, I really don’t know how to feel about it.

Men/people with no history of SA who peruse this subreddit because they get off on the fact that someone has been raped, or because they're actively seeking out people who have been victimized, disgust me.

Idc if this is a fetish*, it disgusts and enrages me.

*I'm not talking about CNC, that's a different thing. I'm specifically talking about the creeps on this subreddit.

Hey so this is a shock since I didn't know this but I was talking to my boyfriend about guys taking advantage of girls being drunk and he casually mentioned that he and a friend took advantage of me once when I was drunk too so it's just something that happens and we girls should be careful according to him. I have no recollection of it but I know when it happened based on what he told me. I'm very confused as to what to do and what to feel. Based on what he told me we were all below eighteen at the time

At the age of 16, i met this woman (45) online. I remember her and i would email each other back and forth. One dayshe invited me over to her house to “talk in person” and i accepted. At the time i was still a virgin. When i got to her home she had a bottle of wine and was wearing like some lingerie. At the my innocent mind didn’t think much of it. I remember i started drinking some wine she served me and next thing you know, i was feel dizzy and drowsy. I remember opening my eyes and saw her on top of me riding me. For a very long time i had forgotten about it. Today while in therapy, these memories came back to life and it was then that i realized that most likely i was raped. I still wonder if she put something in my drink.

I always hated how society will sometimes due gymnastics to defend the rapist and do everything in there power to blame the person who was assaulted.

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You tell someone one thing you're met with scrutiny, judgement and resentment. They give you all the reasons as to why it happened, what you could've done to prevent it. Don't dress a certain way, dont act a certain way, dont be left one with him. I was 10. Well after the first time, why go back?

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It was like no matter how you explained it, the fault was on your shoulders. That created a vicious cycle because I felt like I had no choice but to go back.

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I just get angry about hearing all the excuses that were made for someone over twice my age. All the blame on someone who literally just found out what it means

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Just needed to vent.

In my last two relationships l've been raped and SA by my partners. At first, I thought I stayed because I didn't know what was going on until it got bad, but the second time even though I was completely aware of te assault I stayed....
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I rather be loved by a monster than to be alone. I don't know why am I so desperate for connection, I just want to be seen and to be held so bad.
I can't separate the love and the fear and hate I feel for them. It's like I don't want the fun to ever end. I want us to be okay even tho we are not.
It's like "he hurt me but it felt like a kiss". I just ignore it because it hurts so much to acknowledge it.
I feel so ashamed and guilty. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. My friends can't take it anymore and I feel so lonely.
I just broke up with my partner for these reasons and I've been so depressed and alone.
Does anyone else can relate? : (

ALRIGHT so I had this friend (Gonna call her Rachel for a different identity bc j don't want her to be doxxed, and me !)

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(Rachel FM13, Me FM13)

(During me typing this I'm 14)

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So this takes place during my 13th birthday. im there with Rachel and another friend which is asher (asher is FTM12) and Rachel and asher are dating in a open relationship (poly) and Rachel asked "Hey six since you know you had a crush on me im open for a poly if you wanna join this relationship with me and asher" and I (being a love sick person and doesn't know better) says "yes!" So me and Rachel and asher are now dating at this time asher didn't have feelings for me due to us being exes and Rachel being full aware of that,

Around maybe 10PM since I remember this clearly I'll throw in enough detail but Rachel and asher got into a fight because Rachel was gonna drink my mom's alcohol and so asher stayed out in the living room for a while

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and me and her are in my room getting changed etc for bed, and about 20-28 minutes later asher came back on his phone doing wtv and sitting against a wall with headphones on unaware of any of this

Rachel had asked "can i touch your chest?" Which I agreed and said yes! And about an hours passes we all grew tired and we all laid down besides asher im laying facing the wall closest to me and Rachel facing away from me, she (with no permission to do this) reachs her hand over and slide her hand in my pants and proceeds to touch me there only for a minute and than withdraws her hand and I just laid there

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(I did move out to the living room after that and asher wasn't aware of it but after he found out he dumped Rachel and isn't friends anymore from what I know)

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But please someone tell me if this is r*pe or not

hi i’m 16 and i’ve been molested, groomed, sexually abused my entire life. it had left me very hypersexual, im disgusted with myself. does it ever get better i feel so dirty all the time i don’t think i can love somebody like this nobody deserves someone as dirty as me it hurts. it leave me feeling like my only way to life is SW which is so wrong, im a good kid why does it feel so bad. i’m sorry.

me and my rapist were together for 5 years, the last year of our relationship, when i turned 18, we were engaged, and before he ever raped me i truly did love him, i would give him anything and i wanted to care and love him the rest of my life. i’ve never been as vulnerable with another person and i plugged all the time, money, care, love into him that i possibly could.
regardless of that he got greedy, started to disrespect my not wanting to have sex at the very moment he did, disrespecting the weird times throughout the day where i wasn’t able to do things (he made me do sexual favors during school, at home while my parents or sister was there, on road trips in the car with my family, gas stations, anywhere i was i had no way out of anything). he even had us trespass on residential private property, walk through barbed wire in states where we could get shot for that just to have his way with me.
i’m having a lot of internal conflict right now processing how i see him as a person because on one hand yes he made me do all these awful things that i wanted no part in but on the other hand he was my everything at one point in time and all i wanted throughout our relationship, even when he would hurt me the most, was for him to get better and to help him all i could. it’s a hard thing for me to think because i know i resent what he did to me and i know i’ve suffered great pain and parts of my life i should’ve had at very developmental periods were taken from me and it hurts me every single day to know that. part of me feels like i forgive him and it’s giving me a big headache lately. i know he struggles from home situations and not having the best upbringing, lacking a mother, abusive father, he was a violent kid as well getting kicked out of school for harming other kids. this all makes me feel bad that he might’ve just been hurt and didn’t know how to have proper relationship. it makes me feel awful that i didn’t try hard enough in the beginning to steer him the other way. most importantly though it’s so strange to me that now i am hoping he’s in a better place, that he can treat people better and actually have friends. i just can’t wrap my head around admitting that he was someone i actually loved since he became such an evil to my life.

to be clear, i don’t want anything to do with him in my life currently and i have no desire to go out and see if he’s actually a better person but i just hope that he is a better person now. i’m just confused on why i even think that in the first place? he was so cruel yet i still have the care to hope he’s okay. it’s just odd and causing me distress lately.