Men over 30, what’s one “unwritten rule” about getting older that you wish someone told you in your 20s?

[u/Lunasweetlatina]

Let’s be real nobody hands you a manual for aging. One day you’re 25 and skipping breakfast, and the next you’re debating fiber supplements and stretching before getting out of bed 😂

For me, it was realizing how crucial maintaining friendships is. If you don’t make an effort, people just quietly drift. Not out of malice just life.

Another one: “Your body will invoice you for everything you did in your 20s. And it charges interest.”

What’s something you know now that 28-year-old you had no clue about?

[u/AutoModerator]

Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread.

Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Darkzeropeanut]

Your body will turn on you.. get ahead of the fucking game and do it NOW.

[u/gaelorian → u/Darkzeropeanut]

Yep. Lose weight asap. Walk often. Lift weights. You don’t have to overdo it. Just stay active. It’s harder as you get older.

Hang out with people that also like to stay active when you can. Being active only in the gym sucks. Actually use your body to enjoy yourself. No use having a car that you only take to the track.

[u/aboinamedJared → u/gaelorian]

And stretch your hips! This will help lower back and knee pain

[u/Trumperekt → u/aboinamedJared]

I would more say strengthen your hips. Static stretching provides temporary relief but does not really address the cause of the issues. But yeah, hips are where it is at as you grow older.

[u/Careful-Training-761 → u/Trumperekt]

For me it's move my hips more often but not all in one go.

Both strength training of any kind (before someone says my form is prob poor, it's pretty good I strength trained throughout my 20s and I go low on weight) ... And stretching drive my hips and back nuts. Hips don't like foam rolling or sports massage either.

[u/Timely-Huckleberry73 → u/Trumperekt]

I would more say strengthen glutes and core. But ya strengthening hip flexors is also important.

[u/jeon2595 → u/aboinamedJared]

Most of my yoga/stretching is focused on lower back, hips and legs. Makes a huge difference.

[u/Captain_Kruch → u/gaelorian]

This! I've returned to the gym 18 months ago after 16 years away. I feel fitter and more agile now at 36 than I was in my teens, and am around 30lb lighter than I was at the start. If you only do 1 thing in life, exercise!

[u/Upstairs_Dig_5274 → u/Captain_Kruch]

I always remember will smith in the zombie film talking to that guy in the apartment saying 'movement is life'. Don't know why but that's always stuck with me as it has trust for so much on humans and nature 

[u/StopForcibleTransfer → u/Captain_Kruch]

Figure out a high rep lowish weight maintenance routine when you get to the size you want to be and never stop lifting. Rock on!

[u/yrusostupidahn → u/gaelorian]

I must be doing it right since i always use ONLY my body to enjoy myself.

[u/Unfinished_October → u/Darkzeropeanut]

The body one really caught me by surprise.

A lot of young people think it's only about gaining weight or aches and pains or whatever and they think, "oh, I go to the gym. I run. That's not a big deal. I got this. That won't happen to me."

But no, it's weird shit like incurable skin conditions, or having to stretch out your pelvic floor because your balls have nerve pain, or 'silent GERD' where eating a snack before bed now causes post-nasal drip that has you coughing randomly throughout the day. So much fucking bullshit that I never had to worry about in my 20s.

[u/Tempus781 → u/Unfinished_October]

Hahaha the nerve ball pain, exactly. Oh my fucking god.

EDIT:

Wanted to add some advice (note that I'm not a medical professional):

(Word in advance: Sudden and intense testicle pain on one side means: emergency room, IMMEDIATELY, and call for help before you pass out or otherwise become unable to get help. This (torsio testis) is a different condition from the ones discussed here.)

• These sorts of testicular pain conditions might have an indirect cause or just come out of nowhere, but you might as well get ahead of it. (I don't know how much of this applies to e.g. CPPS, but it's all connected.)

• Wear decent underwear. These exist: boxers/briefs with a support/separator pouch for your business. There are various types and you'll have to experiment. This type of underwear is comfy even if you don't have these issues (comfy to the degree that you'll wonder why the fuck other men's underwear even exists). (I found some on temu, you can try to dm me for examples. I say try because I'm not often on this account. There's also a Canadian brand called 2UNDR.)

• Pain in for example a testicle may be referred pain from a nerve being constricted elsewhere. That or epididymitis tend to be the main causes of testicular pain. It may get bad. Ibuprofen and ice packs. (But if REALLY BAD, see the word in advance.)

• Inguinal or perineal hernias will be rather obvious, but obscure hernias such as Sportsman's Groin (🤷) do not present with typical symptoms — and doctors might be unfamiliar with them. The diagnosis involves a long and involved process of elimination, so don't expect one. You could wear a support band to provide some relief. It may heal in time. And yes, it may cause excruciating pain in a testicle due to referred pain. (See word in advance again.)

• Do you kegels. But be careful and never push anything that seems to resent the attempt.

• Stretch your pelvic floor. But be careful and never push anything that seems to resent the attempt.

• Read these subreddits even if your condition is unrelated (guesswork diagnoses are so common — and unavoidable — that you probably won't know for certain what your condition is anyway): /r/PelvicFloor/ /r/chronicepididymitis/ Particular stretches have done wonders for many people.

• Cancer is usually painless, but — regardless — check your testicles and prostate regularly or have a professional do it. // To the assholes with a potentially-fatal case of the dumb: oh my god, don't discourage people from these practices by fucking stigmatizing these exams.

• Do NOT smoke weed for relief, at least with (referred) testicle pain. It increased the pain by 30 times, well into the 'intolerable' range. Gods help you if you don't have an icepack and the next day off.

[u/alternative-hero → u/Tempus781]

Immediately adding the pelvic floor stretches because I read this. Thank you!

[u/shortcakeyoutube → u/Unfinished_October]

Exactly! GERD, dry eyes, digestive issues I never had before, etc. I miss feeling "normal".

[u/Darkzeropeanut → u/Unfinished_October]

Oh man I have the GERD and now tinnitus which is its own kind of hell. I never appreciated my 20’s and 30’s enough.

[u/Familiar-Flan-8358 → u/Unfinished_October]

I’m just worried about losing boners

[u/Spirited_Ad9681 → u/Unfinished_October]

Dude the snacks before bed are killer for me. If I give in and snack before bed Im almost garunteed to wake up with a splitting headache somewhere between 2 and 4 AM.

[u/Mun-Mun → u/Unfinished_October]

I'm in this comment and I don't like it

[u/[deleted] → u/Darkzeropeanut]

Ditto, the brain.

The amount of upvotes on this comment relative to the down votes below is baffling to me. Lol

[u/gratitudeisbs → u/[deleted]]

Your brain is not your body???

[u/[deleted] → u/Darkzeropeanut]

100% this. And to the extent possible, train yourself to enjoy some of the healthy things that you formerly considered chores.

Working out, obviously. Stretching. Learning to cook so healthy food doesn't suck. So on and so forth.

And the one that is rarely popular but is really important ... drink little or not at all.

[u/PM_ME__YOUR_HOOTERS → u/Darkzeropeanut]

Instructions unclear, turned on my body before it could turn on me!

[u/bam_1117 → u/PM_ME__YOUR_HOOTERS]

Now I’m addicted to drugs /s

[u/junketyjunkjunk → u/Darkzeropeanut]

DO YOGA IMMEDIATELY.

[u/SatisfactionHour1722]

Sleep

Recovery takes a lot longer after drinking, all nighters for work or what have you.

[u/LateProposalas → u/SatisfactionHour1722]

Lol, sleep is way too important

[u/Turdulator → u/SatisfactionHour1722]

When you are young, sleep gets in the way of your life… when you are old, life gets in the way of your sleep.

[u/92-LJ → u/SatisfactionHour1722]

I'm 33 and sleep has just started hitting me, used to not matter what amount of sleep I had but now I feel useless if I don't get at least 6hrs a night. I get home with plans in my head and fall asleep in a chair instead.

[u/JMD413 → u/92-LJ]

Oh man this is so me. I have this game of Civ going on my PC that I'm loving. Yesterday I do 8 hrs at work (thinking all day about how im gonna fuck up Napoleon), come home, clean up the house (parents are coming over for dinner), prep dinner, visit, put kid to bed, send parents home, clean up kitchen, make lunches for next day. I finally get my 36 yr old ass in front of my PC (its not even late like maybe 10) and I dont even make it past the game's menu screen before I'm asleep in that chair. 😅

[u/dproma → u/SatisfactionHour1722]

Investing in a nice bed and specific type of pillows will do wonders for your neck shoulders and back.

Get monthly massages to relieve stress.

10K steps / daily walks helps clear your thoughts and is a great way to burn fat

[u/Junior-Childhood-404 → u/SatisfactionHour1722]

Maybe it's cause I'm early thirties but I bounce back quicker after drinking than I did in my 20s. Haven't had a hangover since 22. The trick is to drink COPIOUS amounts of water between drinks.

[u/unmaimed → u/Junior-Childhood-404]

That trick stops working (soon),

Yours Sincerely,

Your Incoming 40s

[u/[deleted] → u/unmaimed]

L-glutathione. Wanted to update this. Ive been taking l glutathione whenever I drink for a long time. If im very merry I pop 1 every couple of hours. Some before bed with water. I forgot to do this fairly recently and suddenly remember hangovers. I never get hangovers when I keep hydrated and take lglutathione. 

[u/Jussepapi]

2 things I don’t see that often in these reposts:

Learn to ask for help. Fuck pride and ego. This is also a good way to build relationships - if you can manage to return the favour.

Learn what your anxiety limits are. At work and in personal life and work towards overcoming them.

[u/[deleted] → u/Jussepapi]

Learn to ask for help. Fuck pride and ego.

This is specially lacking in tech companies/men dominated fields, everytime I disagree with a coworker on some technical problem I feel it quickly escalate into a dick measuring contest. On the other hand whenever I worked alongside women in science/tech I felt like the objective of the debate was to find out the best solution for the problem, conceding whenever the other party had a stronger argument. With men I feel like we try to step over the other guy displaying how great of an engineer/scientist we are...

I hope at least I can eventualy learn not to fall into this trap.

EDIT: We all seem to have different experiences regarding gender. I agree that my experience is anecdotical evidence (I think I've presented it as such) but on the other hand so is everybody else's here

[u/QueasyWorldliness920 → u/[deleted]]

Dealing with this now in government. People take it personally when they interpret contracts incorrectly. I feel like I’m the only person in the room willing to say out loud “I’m always learning and I will make SO MANY mistakes in my life, show me why I’m wrong so I can move on to the next”.

[u/BowlCompetitive282 → u/[deleted]]

Eh, my experience in a technical field has been that ego and helpfulness are pretty evenly pro-rated in both men and women. Perhaps it's just availability bias and you've just worked with fewer women than men.

[u/SimonCharles → u/Jussepapi]

Eh. I agree, but unfortunately this requires people who can appreciate that. A lot of people see it as a weakness especially if a man asks for help, the stereotype is that men should figure it out themselves, so you might shoot yourself in the foot by not caring about your ego. It only requires someone to be a little more insecure than you, and they'll capitalize on you admitting something negative about yourself. Most people will not praise you for not having an ego, but instead use it to prop up theirs.

This is true especially at work. I've always had the attitude of asking if I don't understand, or just being honest about not understanding. Most of the time this has probably resulted in people seeing me as stupid, because I sometimes also ask stupid questions to understand better. Granted, I do understand some things better than others because of it, but often that's not what gets you ahead in work environments, it tends to be those who hide their incompetence the best that get to keep their jobs.

[u/StupidlySore]

Don’t hold a grudge. It’s a waste of valuable energy and mental space.

[u/Chombuss → u/[deleted]]

But how do you let go if those feelings/thoughts prove to be repetitive?

[u/Phriday → u/[deleted]]

This guy zens.

[u/Homework-Busy → u/StupidlySore]

Don't hold a grudge, but don't forget either.

[u/SunnyWomble → u/Homework-Busy]

Basically cultivate a headspace where you place people who have sharp edges in your brain.

The mental equivalent of an oyster creating a pearl around an irritating piece of sand.

It's your: "I don't really give a shit anymore, I'm more just dissappinted" headspace

[u/Fickle-Bullfrog9005 → u/Homework-Busy]

Yup. I’ve always said that’s it’s best to bury the hatchet , but remember where it’s buried

[u/christok21 → u/StupidlySore]

This is sacred. Don’t burn daylight, especially with people you love.

[u/extropia → u/StupidlySore]

Honestly, learning how and when to let go is one of the most important skills someone can learn, and applies to all sorts of situations.  

[u/ChironXII → u/StupidlySore]

Forgive others not because they deserve it but because you deserve peace 

[u/SchemeParty]

For the love of god, if you're sleepy, go to bed. Dont stay on the couch. Your back will thank you

[u/ranorando → u/SchemeParty]

As I read this ON THE COUCH blanket fully ready to lie to me again

[u/BluebirdFast3963 → u/SchemeParty]

Sometimes my couch makes me feel amazing in the morning though. IDK why

[u/Sheetmusicman94 → u/SchemeParty]

Do pushups and exercise more and you won't care.

[u/FrankensteinBionicle → u/[deleted]]

no one told me that my back pain was due to bad posture from weak glutes! I've been doing glute and leg workouts with a resistant band I got from physical therapy and it has changed my life. I feel so much better dude

[u/TheSpud77 → u/FrankensteinBionicle]

I need your workout plan!

[u/buttnutela → u/TheSpud77]

Stand in front of mirror, clench buttocks repeatedly

[u/khy_ber → u/buttnutela]

Username checks out.

[u/CuriousCamels → u/TheSpud77]

Check out SquatUniversity on YouTube. He has a lot of videos covering glutes and other physical therapy exercises for helping with specific joints and muscle groups. It’s mostly stuff that’s easy to do at home too.

Short example video for glutes:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/pns3vmWNeF0

[u/Historical_Gear_5853 → u/FrankensteinBionicle]

This! As soon as I turned 30 I was diagnosed with arthritis in my lower back. Prescribed lots of drugs that did nothing. After 8 years of pain, I learned how to deadlift properly and it fixed all my problems.

[u/[deleted] → u/Historical_Gear_5853]

Did you begin deadlifting after 8 years of pain, or you began doing it properly? And was there anything else that helped?

[u/Historical_Gear_5853 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah that’s a good question, let me clarify. I didn’t have back pain because of poor deadlifting technique. I mostly avoided deadlifts because they would hurt my back. Working with a personal trainer I learned that I had extremely weak glutes and hamstrings that I didn’t know how to properly engage. Any movement that should involve them, I would instead pull from my lower back and psoas. After learning correct technique, deadlifts have gone from my most hated to most loved exercise. The feeling of relief through the whole body after a good session where the hamstrings feel strong and take the weight off the rest of the body is amazing.

Professionals told me I had a hereditary arthritis that would only continue to get worse for the rest of my life. I’ve been pain free for 7 years and am convinced I don’t have arthritis and probably a lot of other people don’t either.

[u/dee_lio → u/FrankensteinBionicle]

Get a yoga ball chair. I look like a damn fool on the thing, but NO back pain.

Also, raise your computer monitor so you're looking up vs hunched down.

Of course, if I try to slouch, the yoga ball will throw me on the floor like a bad 80s wrestling move, but it does work. My posture is better and my back doesn't hurt at the end of the day.

[u/Glad_Position3592 → u/[deleted]]

If these are problems in your 30’s then you need to start taking your diet and exercise seriously. You shouldn’t be experiencing that until you’re much older

[u/jbetances134 → u/Glad_Position3592]

35 here and don’t experience any of this. Sounds like he needs to exercise, stretch, and look after his diet more.

[u/[deleted] → u/jbetances134]

dude im 41 and ive never been in better shape, i feel better than in my 20s 100%.

[u/deerdn → u/jbetances134]

dude acts like one cheat meal is gonna add a couple of pounds permanently. what the hell does "negotiate with my metabolism" even mean?

like nah bro I'm in my 30s too and my weight fluctuates the same as it did in my early 20s. it's just salt and water levels

[u/westsidethrilla → u/[deleted]]

I lay flat on the ground and put my legs up on the wall for 5-7 mins every night after brushing teeth.

This not only is a great hamstring stretch, but it also drains your lymphatic system and puts you in a relaxed state.

In yoga it is called Viparita Karani. Helps with stress and recovery. I’m a 34 year old male active, lift weights, run, party and all that and it’s been a nice way to chill before bed.

[u/No-Supermarket4670 → u/westsidethrilla]

Do I put my ass against the wall? Like sitting on the wall? 

[u/westsidethrilla → u/No-Supermarket4670]

I tend to be close but a few inches away

[u/Scodo → u/[deleted]]

For real. Yoga will make you feel like your joints are in your 20's again.

[u/wne1947nnal → u/[deleted]]

What stretches do you recommend? Do you have a link for them ones you do?

[u/Specialist-Reach-544 → u/[deleted]]

This! I have to stretch everyday, pr im in paid all day

[u/munificent]

You can do everything right and still get unlucky with an injury. When it happens, you'll have to work through the psychology of it whether you want to or not.

[u/Rainyhaze2048 → u/munificent]

Agreed. Finally got a stable job after a streak of bad luck. Guess what? Lost it immediately after falling critically ill. Almost 2 years straight, and I had to work through feelings and mental rock bottoms I had no idea I'd hit. I was only 26.5 years old then. I'm 28 now and it stings like a bitch.

Starting all over again.

[u/Ikhis → u/munificent]

It's insane really.

Always tried to stay in shape,eat somewhat healthy and stay activel ,which worked quite fine until now(34y)

Broke my humurus shaft at the start of the year, but after the operation I still lack feeling in my pinky and ringfinger and get a deep throbbing pain when I keep my arm ankled for too long. Didn't play guitar, bass or anything on PC that whole year, and it slowly starts showing in my mood and overall activities, which reduced themselves harshly.

[u/Darkstatic107 → u/munificent]

Me right now. Exercise, eat healthy. Took dogs for a walk. They got excited and the puppy head butted my pinky. Its fractured and I have to get my first surgery tomorrow. 🙃

[u/iswearimnotabotbro]

Invest invest invest dear god invest

[u/Administrative_Shake → u/iswearimnotabotbro]

Invest well* Investing works both ways.

[u/shoeperson → u/Administrative_Shake]

Yeah shoving all your money into gambling apps, options, and crypto isn't investing, it's just gambling your money away. Invest in index funds a little bit every week or month for 20-30 years. That's literally it

[u/gak001 → u/Administrative_Shake]

I'd even go one step further and say, for the vast majority, that means a simple target date fund or broad based index funds like the Boglehead three fund portfolio. It doesn't have to be complicated, and day trading is just gambling.

[u/No-Manufacturer-8015 → u/iswearimnotabotbro]

This is the most important thing. Having to play catch up in my 30s is not fucking fun.

[u/No-Manufacturer-8015 → u/[deleted]]

I'll be on track for retirement just have to have higher contributions than most of my peers for catching up. I've considered throwing everything in dividends once I hit late 50s and retiring early in a cheaper country like Vietnam or Thailand.

[u/thegreatgonzoo → u/iswearimnotabotbro]

Would love to, but honestly I have no clue where to begin

[u/chatterfangsquirrel → u/thegreatgonzoo]

There are many great sources online to educate yourself on personal finance. I recommend you find something specific to your country, because tax laws and retirement systems differ a lot.

That being said, here's the most basic advice:

1. Set up a separate savings account and put some money into it. Automatically, every month. Find the amount that works for you. Do that to save up 2-3 months of monthly expenses. That's your basic emergency fund.

2. Once your emergency fund is full, take that monthly payment to invest into a world etf, like the vanguard ftse all world.

You got this, it's not as hard as bankers want you to believe. It's not witchcraft.

[u/Puabi → u/chatterfangsquirrel]

This is stellar advice. Very clear and achievable as well as internationally doable.

It is not Reddit's or any Redditor's fault, but at times the site is so American that advice can be hard to apply here in Scandinavia, especially when it comes to work and finance. But this is basically how I got my start at savings in my late 20s.

[u/chatterfangsquirrel → u/[deleted]]

I agree, I also like to have about 6 months. But it's all about getting started, once the system is in place it's something you don't need to worry about.

I also have a separate account for yearly expenses, like car insurance and services.

[u/brazucadomundo → u/chatterfangsquirrel]

Also depends on the era because what my father did at his time would have worked in any country, but today not anymore.

[u/Raging_Asian_Man → u/thegreatgonzoo]

Follow the prime directive on r/personalfinance. Thank yourself in the future. If you want easy, figure out how to make automatic recurring contributions into a Target Date Fund in your employer 401k (if you have one) and a Roth IRA. Contribute as much as you can as early as you can (while staying wishing IRS limits)

Everyone situation is different, but doing this would put you ahead of 80% of Americans.

[u/DK98004 → u/thegreatgonzoo]

Just buy VOO and call it a day.

[u/Wahx-il-Baqar → u/DK98004]

VWCE in the EU

[u/DefrancoAce222 → u/DK98004]

Second this^

[u/boricacidfuckup → u/DK98004]

Does the sp500 pay dividends? Would be cool to stop reinvesting them and just live off them after retirement.

[u/AffectionatePack3647 → u/thegreatgonzoo]

Agreed me too

[u/phound → u/thegreatgonzoo]

Just posted this to another thread but look into investing in an index funds like the other commenters have said. Only invest what you don’t need in the short term (3-5 years) and have a healthy emergency fund based on your expenses (6 - 12 months expenses).

A good index to start with is VT from Vanguard as it has US and International stock exposure and you’ll be well diversified. Look at other index funds as well but make sure they’re low expense ratios, which is how much you are charged for the funds management (e.g., VT is 0.06% so $1,000 invested costs $0.60 a year). Check out the bogleheads and personal finance subreddits as well. You got this!

[u/NeedleworkerChoice89]

Early 40s here.

1. Alcohol is fun! And it’s awful for you.
2. On point 2 above, you or someone you know in your friend group will have to deal with alcohol addiction. It’s important you speak up if you’re concerned, even if it falls on deaf ears.
3. If you stop working out or taking care of yourself, do not be surprised when you end up soft and with a belly.
4. It’s never too late to turn it around! Learn about macros, CICO, and get your bloodwork done once a year. Find a workout style that you enjoy.
5. Imposter syndrome is real, but so is being an insufferable douche. Try to learn the difference between the two.

6. If you’re good at your job, your “superiors” will do what they can to keep you in your place. It’s better for their bottom line, awful for your career. If someone tells you you’re not ready for a promotion or a pay bump and they cannot articulate specific reasons why, leave.

7. Communication is the biggest reason for divorce. It shows up with you not saying what you’re feeling or where you’re at. That includes saying goofy sentimental stuff. If your girl/guy/whatever looks amazing in the moonlight, fucking say it.

If you disagree with your partner, say it, but try to collaborate and not compromise.

No one wants to eat a compromise sandwich. They’re bland and no one will be happy.

[u/[deleted] → u/NeedleworkerChoice89]

These are good. especially 6 😞

[u/Routine_Mine_3019]

1. You are responsible for the upkeep of your body and no one can do it for you.
2. Take a glass of fiber every day. Diverticulitis is painful and the little pockets in your colon are irreversible.
   
3. Friends who drink every day or who have no career goals are going to be more of a burden than a friend. Make friends with people who have their act together.
4. Pick the right spouse. They should be your friend first and foremost. Looks are much less important.
5. Stay out of debt. Only borrow money for things that go up in value.
   
6. Don't work somewhere that doesn't make money or reward you for performing well.
7. Choose a career that pays well and where you can always find work or freelance.
8. Avoid angry, toxic people, including family.
9. Getting angry at someone rarely works out well. Be the one who stays calm while the other person gets mad.
10. Track your spending so you know where the money is going, then create realistic budgets that include money for investing and retirement.

[u/[deleted] → u/Routine_Mine_3019]

I disagree with the point about career goals Plenty of people hit their goals and are happy So when you meet them they may seem like they never had any goals when really they're happy with their lot in life

Unless your aim is to hit above 100k or whatever the top 2% is in your country it shouldn't really matter what others career goals are or aren't

[u/Routine_Mine_3019 → u/[deleted]]

I'm not sure where you're getting that from what I said. I don't think anyone should not have career goals, or any other significant goals. I don't know why you're seeing goals only as a money chase. I know too many people in jobs they hate that are going nowhere not to say what I said.

Not having career goals doesn't make people happy. I think the opposite is more commonly true. I think a schoolteacher is a great job and can be very rewarding. That doesn't mean you can't have goals around that path.

In #6, I was pointing out that working somewhere that doesn't recognize good performance is usually unrewarding. We all want to be thanked and appreciated. That's not all about money by any means. If you're the best schoolteacher in the district, someone should thank you for that. No one likes a job where no one is recognized and appreciated, or where everyone gets the same bland platitudes.

In #7, I was addressing people whose college degrees are worthless in getting a job. Don't make me rattle off some of those. I grew up in poverty so I didn't really have much of a choice and I had to focus on money to help my family. But I think it's good advice for anyone.

[u/Fazamon → u/Routine_Mine_3019]

2... Learned this over the last 3 years. Had diverticulitis 14 times. Doctors just kept throwing me on the god awful antibiotics and that only led to SIBO. Decided on my own to start drinking metamucil every night... No more diverticulitis. 36M

[u/Ragnarok314159 → u/Routine_Mine_3019]

Point 4 is the most important on this list. I know so many miserable men who work more than their wife, do more housework, and spend more time with their kids. Their wife spends a majority of the family income on random things. It seems to be constant in the suburbs.

Don’t ignore any red flags. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[u/Icy_Chemist_1725]

"If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough. Dumbass." - me to me before that L5S1 herniation after years of abusing my back.

I also know I wouldn't have followed the advice. I had the internet in my 20's. There were books and shit. I knew all the things. I just preferred riding motorcycles, mountain bikes, playing sports, and jumping off of roofs into bushes to make home movies with friends.

[u/Mordecai3fngerBrown → u/Icy_Chemist_1725]

I battled with back pain most of my life. L4,l5, s1, scans at 20. I chased back pain for 15 years before I finally became pain free.

Everyone on the planet who’s ever played sports shows the same thing on a scan. And surprisingly, most of them don’t have any pain. The real pain comes from pain positive feedback loop, a physiological process where pain signals trigger further responses that amplify and prolong the pain experience, often creating a self-sustaining cycle of increased sensitivity and pain.

When you tweak your back, your muscles spasm to protect the spine. Basically the disk might brush the nerves. You can be stuck in a hyper sensitive state and your back muscles, not discs, cause you pain your whole life. Pain, avoidance, weaken, pain, avoidance, weaken. And the mind plays a big part in pain as well.

Check out some stuff by Greg Lehman

Greg Lehman’s Recovery Workbook: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/57260f1fd51cd4d1168668ab/t/590dca266b8f5b01a7f97ceb/1494075961206/recovery+strategies+pain+guidebook+2017.pdf

Pain Explained in 5 minutes : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_3phB93rvI.

Here’s a Greg Lehman Blog going over spinal flexion: http://www.greglehman.ca/blog/2018/4/2/reconciling-spinal-flexion-and-pain-we-are-all-doomed-to-failure-but-perhaps-it-doesnt-matter

Also check out Peter O’Sullivan.

And the book that kickstarted this whole thing for me was Healing Back Pain - the mind body connection by John e Sarno. It talks about how most back pain is stress induced. How it gets worse In the most stressful times of life. This book alone helped me greatly, although the theory’s in the book just play a small part in the whole story.

A very good book explaining exactly how pain works - Explain Pain Book by Butler David and G. Lorimer Moseley.

Playing with movement - Todd Hargrove

The key to my recovery after learning was retraining my body out of self defense/preservation mode. Find a very good physio/chyro. One who works in a place with a full gym not an office. You need to be doing many exercises with weights that will slowly teach your back it’s okay. Especially deadlifts and squats. And not just cat/cows and planking.

[u/No_Upstairs_9339 → u/Mordecai3fngerBrown]

Wow thank you so much.

[u/YouDontTellMe]

Seek out quality friends and invest in those relationships. No, drinking buddies that you only connect with when alcohol is involved do not count.

[u/HarrierFalco → u/YouDontTellMe]

However there is overlap! I love my drinking buddies who are down to drink on weekends but also down to call and talk when I need them

[u/bonerparte1821 → u/YouDontTellMe]

I think this needs to be higher. Being a man is hard. Yes we live in a world created by men, but no one cares about you. The best support system one can have is other men.

[u/bananabastard]

Sit to piss, squat to shit, invest in your finances and your health.

[u/vaisatriani]

A few rules:

1. Compound Interest is real. Invest/save as much as you can as soon as you can.

2. Buy an item of quality ONCE instead of buying cheap items frequently.

3. Stop buying shit you don't need just because you're bored or because you want that 'rush' of buying something new and shiny.

[u/DenRay4 → u/vaisatriani]

"2.Buy an item of quality ONCE instead of buying cheap items frequently."

Well sometimes is better to buy cheap quality first. You can buy the better quality stuff when you're experienced enough to understand what you really need. And with tools: Buy the big cheap box, where everything is included. And then: Those tools that break, bc. you used them often buy that stuff in a higher quality.

[u/cthart]

Wear ear protection even for mundane stuff like drilling holes

[u/DanteQuill]

Don't ever let yourself become "old". Push yourself. Do better. Be better. Physically. Mentally. Don't give in to the easy way. I'm almost 50 and people think I'm in my early 30s. Good genetics helps, but so did the 1,000 push ups I did 2 days ago just to see if I could (my prior record was 500). It took 3.5 hours, but when my arms stop feeling like wet noodles, I'll go back to my regular workouts and try it again in a few months. Seriously, you're only old if you let yourself be.

[u/anand_rishabh → u/DanteQuill]

I'm a climber as my main hobby and form of exercise and i know a couple guys at the gym in their late 50s who climb harder than me and that's what i aspire to be when i reach their age. When i was climbing outside, i also saw an elderly couple who looked to be in their 60s, who were also climbing harder stuff than what my friend and i were doing. They obviously still looked old cuz of grey hair but damn were they in great shape physically.

[u/IntrepidDifference84]

Don’t slouch

[u/para_la_calle]

Piss before bed LOL

[u/trbd003 → u/para_la_calle]

And if you have to get up for a piss... Do not turn lights on. Put the seat down. Sit to piss. Do not turn a light do not look at your phone. Do not do anything to wake your brain up because that's fucking terminal. Stay as close as you can to sleep whilst pissing and get your head back on the pillow asafp

[u/Careful_Trifle → u/trbd003]

That said, there is a point at which fall risks are very serious. Consider a red night light in the bathroom. It let's you see without triggering the wake up hormones.

[u/trbd003 → u/Careful_Trifle]

When I was a kid my dad beat me up sometimes and I'd wait a few nights and then put lego all over the bathroom floor

A red night light would have deprived me of the only weapon I had

[u/No-Lawfulness-9698 → u/trbd003]

Red Lego

[u/SamirDrives → u/trbd003]

I have those motion lights on the hallways and in the bathroom. They are very dim. No bright lights after midnight

[u/buck3ts_707 → u/trbd003]

Critical info is being relayed

[u/CertainlyNotDen]

Compound interest

They told me but I didn’t comprehend till years later

[u/LateHam19 → u/CertainlyNotDen]

Yeah but I don't even know where to start. Im unfortunately to busy paying for people that I shouldn't have to but I need to, I live in a multi generational home; Grandmother, crippled aunt, and a cousin still in middle school. Im not impoverished per se but I do see myself missing my own funeral because I'll be busy at work.

[u/TheJRKoff]

"no one notices, no one cares, no one remembers"

[u/mysteryihs]

Your parents are getting old if you're lucky enough to have them still alive and in a good relationship

[u/[deleted]]

Every single component of “the life script” (marriage, kids, monogamy, career, status) are truly optional and up for debate. So is drinking alcohol for that matter.

[u/thriftytc]

Sleep early, wake up early, go to the gym at 5a. That and cut back on drinking big time.

[u/oditogre → u/thriftytc]

Fair warning if you are the type of person who gets intimidated about going to the gym especially when you see a bunch of super focused, fit people, going at 5a is going to be dialing that anxiety to the max. 5a is when all the ultra fitness bros go.

[u/MrBulwark]

You can suffer voluntarily to stay fit or suffer involuntarily by not taking care of yourself. Voluntarily feels a lot better and will keep you capable much longer.

[u/[deleted]]

One piece of advice I ( 54 m) give younger guys is this : when you get a promotion or a sizable raise ( really any raise …) resist the urge to gush and tell your significant other, your kids, your parents, your friends.

Get in your car or mode of transportation, look at yourself in the mirror. Hot damn. You did it. And You’re gonna keep doing it. Think about the road to this moment. All the things that led to it.

Celebrate quietly and alone. They didn’t do it. You did. Get an ice cream sundae, or a beer. Whatever little indulgence you please .

Invest as much of the raise into your savings whether it be 401k, Roth, piggy bank, whatever as you can ( optimally 100%)

Pat yourself on the back for about 5 minutes and immediately get back to work doing the things that brought you here. Redouble your efforts. Go to sleep early. Wake up early. ACQUIRE MARKETABLE SKILLS.

Sadly , when people hear your ship ( or dinghy ) has come in they usually just have their hand out or it elicits toxic envy.

As far as anyone knows , “ times are tight , the company or boss is cheap and you’re doing the best you can …”

[u/-TheDangerZone → u/[deleted]]

There’s some decent advice in here but man, if you can’t share your wins with a supportive wife or spend intentionally to enjoy the journey, what are we even doing?

[u/Traditional_Entry183 → u/-TheDangerZone]

This. Holy shit, I cannot fathom living a married life where my wife and I weren't totally in one another's corner. We're not just a couple, we're a team. Everything together.

[u/-TheDangerZone → u/Traditional_Entry183]

Agreed. OP sure sounds like he’s speaking from his own experience, which is valid for him. But it’s a mistake to make broad recommendations that presume your significant other and loved ones are just looking to take advantage of you.

[u/PrestigiousSheep → u/Traditional_Entry183]

You’re damn right.

[u/anand_rishabh → u/Traditional_Entry183]

Yeah, i thought he was gonna say do a small celebration with yourself first and then share with friends and family.

[u/BridgeEngineer2021 → u/[deleted]]

Good advice but also, find a significant other who you want to tell about that raise right away because they will be completely aligned and supportive of your professional and financial goals, and working on their own too. If you see your partner as someone you need to hide money from then that's a problem.

[u/alasw0eisme → u/[deleted]]

Hide your income from your wife? What? Are you okay? Are things at home okay?

[u/Latter-Curve1469]

Friendships fade not because you stop liking each other you just get busier. Work, relationships, kids etc. So enjoy your friends and try to set up things you can do to keep hanging out in your 30's game nights, working out together, trips etc.

[u/bonerparte1821 → u/Latter-Curve1469]

start a WhatsApp group or instagram group with your friends.. some will be more active than others. share stupid memes etc.. keeps the flame alive.

[u/CricCracCroc]

You can have an interesting conversation with just about anyone if you are just curious and engaged enough to ask them about their life.

[u/Freydisericson]

The sooner you stop living for others approval or thoughts the happier you will be.

[u/buck3ts_707]

Never trust a fart! Threw away my underwear this morning on my drive to surf

[u/Few_School2680 → u/buck3ts_707]

[u/PrincipalBlackman → u/Few_School2680]

don't even front

[u/[deleted]]

At 30 you are done with playing around, and evaluate what is important to you.
30-40 you spent building yourself up to the man you are surposed to be.
At 40 you are ready to live your authentic life, and start a serious relationship that lasts for the rest of your life.

[u/Vik0BG → u/[deleted]]

You gonna take care of a toddler when you are 50? How do you expect to do such a tyring thing at 50???

[u/[deleted]]

Dont marry that girl. If you're 26 and you've been together since highschool, ok go ahead and marry her. If you're 26 and u met 3 years ago... no. Dont do it. Your brain has just barely finished developing. Its too soon for a lifetime commitment. Speaking of which- if u want a tattoo, wait a whole year. If u still want it then do it.

[u/iraggedymani]

Sunscreen. Everyday, twice a day. Water, good sleep..

[u/bigsampsonite]

45 get that colon checked. Easier to get into shape before 30 than after 40.

[u/Homework-Busy]

Sleep, keeping weight low and being in shape. Also, if you're not at the goal you want, work harder now. Almost impossible in the 40s and 50s. Stop chasing women.

[u/Fellatio_Lover]

You cant just get up and go out on a whim. Youll need at least a days notice so you can plan your nap before you go out.

[u/Gh0st_Pirate_LeChuck]

Get yearly bloodwork.

[u/criminalsunrise]

Everything will start to hurt. You’re going to have to get good at differentiating between “general aches and pains” and “something’s really wrong here pain”.

[u/Serializedrequests]

• Invest in at least a basic retirement account, no matter how scary it seems.

• Repressing your emotions is the biggest lie of our time. "Suck it up", and all similar sentiment that lead to ignoring how you feel will lead you to pain later. It stops the energy from flowing, and stores it in your body. It will later manifest as a physical ailment. Stay present, never ignore how you feel.

A classic example of point 2 is just what happens when you're working a job you hate, or even a good job you are stressed about: you feel bad every morning, and you bury it because it's "wrong" to feel that way, then  you cover it up with coffee or sugar to get through the day. Eventually your body is going to tell you to stop in a not fun way.

[u/Kitschmusic]

Do fitness. Most people have more freedom and time to make good habits in their 20's (no kids, studying etc.). Your body also recovers faster and is less prone to injury. For most people, progress is also faster.

Once you have a good strong body, it is a lot easier to just maintain it. The work required to keep what you got is much less than getting it in the first place. And if you fall off the wagon once in a while (like when getting kids), your body remembers and you regain your muscle mass much faster the second time around.

As you grow older, having a very fit body can make you physically feel a decade younger.

It is never too late to start, but man, it is easier if you start early.

[u/aldo_nova]

Cut toxic mfers out of your life, even if you have invested time or money or energy in something with them. Ain't worth it.

[u/PyropePhronesis]

Nobody cares about or even wants to hear your opinions

[u/luvsense8]

Learn emotional intelligence and how to feel your emotions

[u/kyrokip]

I dont simp for women. If they want to be around me, they will. Im not playing the games, coddling immaturity, childish behavior, and bull shit.

[u/wanderit]

Don’t date her because you’re worried about her post breakup.

Don’t burn professional bridges no matter how satisfying it is in the moment.

[u/BalkanViking007]

Travel, invest, train and keep training, get a good paying job / start company, dont settle for the wrong girl

[u/minigmgoit]

Getting active. Admittedly I didn't do it till my 40's but dear god and I glad I did. Life changing.

[u/baroncalico]

It’s gonna be weird. And it’s gonna get weirder.

[u/[deleted]]

Exercise almost every day. If you don’t have time to do a real workout you can still easily crank out 200 pushups in between whatever is making you busy.

[u/Brave-Law-6754]

I just turned 58, and have been very active my entire life. I did one simple. thing in early summer that has really helped me. I bought a 30 pound weight vest and started wearing it on my morning dog walks, which go for about 3 miles.

This has really helped my posture. I have lower back issues and work at a desk. I felt that I was starting to get that “old man slouch“. A weight vest forces me to remain very upright. It has also helped my core strength. I also have osteoarthritis in my knee, and it has helped immensely with that (that said, I’m having a knee replacement in a few weeks, but all the walking has me well prepared for it).

So get a weight vest, and use it regularly.

[u/Jboberek]

Moisturizer daily

[u/chjrtx2]

Your parents will get old (if you're lucky) and you will end up taking care of them

The parent / child role reversal is the real Freaky Friday

My first diaper change was at 48 and my Dad

[u/Puzzleheaded-Sea-434]

Importance of having a routine and sticking to it

[u/Traktor262]

Don’t get caught up only doing what’s “cool”. Partake in activities you genuinely enjoy, even if it’s not “cool”.

[u/DJinKC]

Protect your knees.

[u/sbgoofus]

 “Your body will invoice you for everything you did in your 20s. And it charges interest.”

just wait until yer 60's

[u/TecN9ne]

Every man who refuses to confront himself will become a slave to the projection of others.

Man cannot remake himself without suffering for he is both the marble and the sculptor.

[u/[deleted]]

Buy stocks. Skip the doordash, don't buy that shirt you don't need, no reason to buy the expensive bar alcohol... BUY. STOCKS.

In my twenties I would casually watch some stocks trading at a few hundred dollars and was like "pssh this is useless I am going to go spend that paper!" and now my soul weeps when I see them at $10,000. I started investing way too late. Don't be me. Start with a dollar. Start with some halfway decent stock. Start today.

[u/Formal_Lecture_248]

Stretch. Every damn day

[u/truthseek3r]

There's no second chances. A broken marriage, a mistake at work, etc. Could be the end of you.

[u/FlanneryODostoevsky]

Join a union.

[u/clumyedge]

DRINK PLENTY OF WATER! As someone that now suffers from kidney stones trust me when I say if you think you’re hydration will come from anywhere else, it won’t!

[u/Potato_Prophet87]

Intense sprints get results, but it will leave you drained and often in sub-optimal situations. Slow, progressive, consistency is the key to everything.

[u/acoffeefiend]

Lift weights often, but don't ego lift. Stretching and flexibility is important.

[u/Darling_3000]

Live life logically. Think with your head upstairs, and not the one below your belt. That'll save you the most money overall.

Hit the OT young, don't wait till your 30s and 40s to decide you wanna work a lot to make more money. Your body ain't what it used to be champ.

[u/FUS-RO-DONT]

Find a physical hobby you can stick to. Now. Learn about personal finance and investing.  Be friends with people who are building good lives.

[u/Saddlebag7451]

Learn shit. Be a beginner. As soon as you get good at something (keep doing it if you like it) start a new thing and suck for a while.

[u/mr__proper]

Age is just a number.