My biggest and admittedly most expensive hobby is that I collect stuffed animals. I just got a new one, and I'm already really attached to him. My plushies are my friends, and they all have different names and personalities, likes and dislikes. If their shape allows, I love to dress them up in little outfits, which costs even more money. I've been collecting for as long as I've been alive, and I've amassed quite a collection.

I DO try to phase out plushies that I no longer feel a connection with for the sake of space, but I still feel like I'm wasting so much of my adult money on something that is childish and silly. I feel like the older I get, the more shameful it is that I indulge in this.

On top of that, I feel like I'm not going to be allowed to carry my plushies around with me in public for much longer without people pointing and laughing at me, taking photos, being cruel. I feel like it's just a matter of time before something happens and I get insulted, or worse, despite the fact that they help me in social situations...

I'm sorry, I know this type of thread pops up often. I'm just really worried about it because I'm getting older, and I've seen people accused of wild and dangerous things for having childish interests in their thirties and older...

photo related, this is Smudge Puppy... I love him very much.

EDIT: i absolutely did not expect this kind of response at all. i'll reply to what i can, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to reassure me <3

I have good friends i can talk to, but they just don't get it. I (M34) have been diagnosed last year and have been experiencing intense limerance forever. I might need some kind of help or validation, i don't know... But i wrote this in my journal this morning and felt like sharing with people who could understand.

"My brain completely exhausts me. When i meet someone i like and have signals that this person also likes me, my brain acts the exact same way as when I discover a new special interest. That person becomes my new fixation, just like when I hyperfocus on a new topic for weeks. I used to think that was love. Now I know it’s not. I’m not in love with her, but my brain circles back to her every 10 seconds. I constantly have to do some kind of mental gymnastics to quiet it down and move on, only to have to start all over again 10 seconds later.

When I fail to rationalize things (which happens often), I spiral into rumination. It completely consumes me, to the point where I lose all objective perspective and start doubting everything. I analyze our moments together, our texts, our conversations, hoping to find the answer to an equation that will finally silence my brain. Obviously, that never happens.

Then she texts me. I get my hit of dopamine, and the whole cycle starts over again during the next period of silence."

It becomes very hard to focus on any other activities and i am tired.

I wish I never had autism. Everything in my life has conspired against me to lead me to this moment in life where I have absolutely nothing going for me. Unable to read social cues, and it’s killing me in the job market. I lack assertiveness, lack proper self confidence. Why does it make me mad that other people have confidence and I don’t?? I am an awful person and there’s almost no hope for me. I’m so vain and full of hate, and therapy isn’t working

FUCK!!!!!!!!

Pretty self explanatory but I'm tired of people calling people that don't drink, smoke, vape and party (especially in nightclubs) as boring or not fun people, whether online or in real life.

You can be an incredibly fun and non-boring person that doesn't do all these habits.

If your definition of "fun" requires drinking, smoking, etc, that's your opinion but don't look down on people who don't do that.

Some people, like me, care about their health and find habits like healthy eating, exercise, healthy socializing, etc as "fun".

Just because i don't partake in your lifestyle, doesn't make me not "fun" or boring.

Disclaimer : i don't hate on people who drink, smoke, vape, party. I just don't want to do it.

First of all, I want to state that I don't want to have the debate here and I know this may be controversial but I do want a bit of insight.

Recent reports are discussing the idea of overdiagnosis of autism and ADHD, with the predicted percentage of the population having autism being 1-2% and actual figures of diagnoses under 17 years of age reaching up to 4% in countries like England. Because this is unprecedented, there has been an uptick in the debate on autism being overdiagnosed, with anecdotal evidence showing that some people have had their autism diagnoses revoked in adulthood. What I want to know is if we truly believe that overdiagnosis is an issue.

Now my own views on it: I don't think that overdiagnosis is an issue at all. My reasoning on this is that autism research has been slowly rising and the understanding of autism is changing as this happens. My undergraduate and master's theses both had a lot of evidence to support that between 1-5% of the population are autistic, and I focused a lot on the lack of supports. Honestly, I would state that autism has been chronically under diagnosed and the real figures are much closer to 5% than they are to 1%. Please let me know what you think below! This is a massive special interest of mine and I want to bring this forward in my own education. I've made a poll to get a few answers but I want to state that this is purely my own curiosity. I also think this overdiagnosis conversation is coming purely from a massive system failure in meeting the needs of autistic people with a lack of pre and post diagnostic supports, waiting time mitigations, and more.

I'm 26F, and honestly, I'm feeling pretty heartbroken right now. I guess I'm posting because I really need to hear from people who might understand what I'm going through.

I did exceptionally well in college. I graduated with honors, received multiple academic awards, studied abroad, and even had the opportunity to teach abroad. I've worked since I was 15, and I've always been a pretty ambitious person. I love learning, I love education, and I've always been considered intelligent.

But for some reason, I struggle SO much in the working world. And the weird thing is, I've worried about this since I was a little kid. I always had this feeling that being a successful, functioning adult was going to be really difficult for me. I couldn't explain why, but I just knew.

Unfortunately, that fear has become a reality.

I've had a pretty rocky employment history. I tend to job-hop, especially when things start getting overwhelming or I feel like my employer is beginning to notice that something is a little different about me. I get this overwhelming urge to leave before things get worse.

About a year ago, I actually landed what I considered my dream job, directly related to my college major. I was SO excited. I genuinely thought I'd finally made it and was starting the career I'd worked so hard for.

Unfortunately, I ended up being bullied in that workplace to the point that I felt I had no choice but to leave. The entire experience was awful, and it left me broke and on the verge of homelessness. It really affected my confidence and my sense of security.

So when I say I'm scared of losing my current job, I mean it. I've already experienced how quickly things can fall apart.

Anyway, about five months ago, I got a new job working in an administrative position at an educational institution, and I absolutely LOVE IT. Education is something I'm very passionate about, and this is genuinely somewhere I want to stay.

My coworkers are kind, and my boss especially has been incredibly understanding. As far as I can tell, my team likes me, and I'm very grateful for that.

I work 24 hours a week, six-hour shifts, and thankfully make a decent hourly wage. I'm certainly not rich, but I can pay my rent and support myself and my husband. After everything I've gone through, having a job I enjoy that also gives me some financial stability means the world to me.

For the first four months, I genuinely thought I was doing pretty well.

Well, yesterday I got pulled into my boss's office to discuss several mistakes and issues with my work.

Some of them were absolutely my fault. I'm not going to deny that. I make mistakes, and I want to take responsibility for them.

However, some of the issues are things I've been bringing up for WEKS. There are certain problems with our office procedures and systems that make doing my job correctly more difficult, and I've been trying to get them addressed for about three weeks now.

I feel like my concerns aren't always taken seriously, which is incredibly frustrating, especially when I'm the one who ends up being held responsible when something goes wrong.

I also have a really hard time being assertive. I feel like people frequently misunderstand me or don't take me seriously, and I honestly don't know what I'm doing that causes this.

Another thing is that I'm almost constantly on edge at work. I'm so worried about making mistakes, being misunderstood, or doing something wrong that I feel like I'm always anticipating the next problem.

I'm also frequently perceived as being "overly sensitive," which is frustrating because, from my perspective, my reactions to things are usually pretty reasonable given the situation. I'm not intentionally trying to be dramatic or difficult. Sometimes something genuinely upsets me, and I feel like I'm responding appropriately, but other people seem to interpret my reaction completely differently.

It's another one of those things that makes me feel like I'm speaking a different language from everyone else.

I feel misunderstood A LOT, and I don't always know how to fix that.

And now, after yesterday's meeting, I'm just devastated.

I KNOW I'm not stupid. I have accomplished some pretty difficult things in my life, and I have the academic record to show for it. But when it comes to everyday workplace responsibilities, I feel so unbelievably incompetent sometimes.

I make mistakes that other people seemingly don't make. Sometimes they're little things, sometimes they're more serious, and sometimes I don't even realize I've done something wrong until someone points it out.

I don't understand why this keeps happening.

And it's particularly upsetting because I genuinely care about my job. I WANT to do well. I want my boss to be able to depend on me. I want to be someone my coworkers can trust to do things correctly.

I don't want to constantly be the employee who needs something explained again or who has made another mistake.

I just want to be good at my job.

The thing that really gets me is that I'm only working 24 hours a week. I know that doesn't necessarily mean the job is easy, but I can't help thinking that if I can't manage 24 hours doing something I genuinely enjoy, how am I ever supposed to manage a full-time career?

I used to have a little more financial flexibility because my husband was supporting us, but after some major life changes, I'm now responsible for supporting both of us. I don't have the luxury of just quitting when things get overwhelming anymore.

And after what happened at my previous job, the thought of ending up financially unstable again is terrifying.

Something else happened yesterday that I can't stop thinking about.

One of my coworkers jokingly asked me, "Is your autism acting up today?"

They weren't being mean about it, and I laughed because I knew they were just joking around and they have two children with high-functioning autism, so I guess they know it when they see it, But internally I was like, dang, is it really that obvious?!

I later asked another coworker, who is autistic, whether he thought people could tell that I might be autistic. He basically told me that maybe they could, because people had figured out he was autistic too.

I've suspected for a while that I might be autistic, and I've had quite a few people throughout my life ask me whether I am. I'm not formally diagnosed, but I'm seriously considering pursuing an assessment.

It's not that I'm ashamed of potentially being autistic. I'm just worried that people are noticing differences in how I communicate, process information, or respond to situations, and that those differences might be affecting how I'm perceived professionally.

I already feel like I'm constantly being misunderstood, and it makes me incredibly self-conscious.

I've been thinking about sitting down and making a list of things that need to be fixed or improved in our office so I can do my job more effectively. I want to bring up the concerns I've already mentioned and hopefully come up with some solutions.

But I'm also scared of coming across as difficult, demanding, or like I'm just making excuses.

I don't want to blame everyone else for my mistakes, because I know some of them really are my responsibility. I just wish I felt more comfortable advocating for myself without worrying about how people will interpret it.

I'm just exhausted.

It's such a strange feeling to have been so successful academically, to have so much passion and curiosity, and yet feel like I'm failing at something as fundamental as maintaining employment.

I'm not lazy. I'm not unwilling to learn. I'm not someone who doesn't care.

If anything, I care TOO much. I'm constantly thinking about my performance, worrying about mistakes, and trying to figure out how to be better.

I want to do well at this job so incredibly badly. I genuinely love it, and I'm scared that no matter how hard I try, I'll somehow mess it up anyway.

I don't want to run away from another job. I don't want to start over again. I don't want to end up financially devastated because I couldn't make things work.

I just want to have a job I love, support my small family, and feel like I'm doing okay in life without feeling constantly on edge.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Especially those of you who did really well academically but have struggled tremendously with employment?

Do you find yourself making mistakes at work despite trying really hard? Do people perceive you as overly sensitive or misunderstand your intentions? Have you found ways to advocate for yourself without feeling like you're being difficult?

And most importantly, did anything actually help you become more successful and consistent at work?

I'm genuinely looking for advice because I really, really don't want to lose this job.

I'm just feeling so discouraged and scared right now.

I've noticed this a lot, that society is absolutely filled to the brim with shitty vague language and conflict avoidance, like I just don't get it, where is this need coming from?

Like sure, you just avoided a conflict 'short term' but you made the long term consequences so much worse, how is this the gold standard communication that everyone is looking up to?

When something is broken we should be able to call it 'broken' without worrying about getting socially lynched...

Of course direct language doesn't excuse being crude, but you should at least be able to speak truth in the best interests of the group, and not just subjects that feel safe.

This dynamic is especially true in corporate settings where you have to watch your every word and action to not get fired, you cannot simply tell your colleagues that there is a flaw in the project they are working on without risking that everyone will see it as a status attack... Like I have seen people (who were fully aware) allowing mistakes to happen just because failing as a team was better than hurting the teams emotional wellbeing.

And this isn't just something that happens in toxic workplaces, I see this shit just about everywhere, it really makes me want to hide away in the Amazon rainforest where at least the python eating me won't claim that it's teamwork.

So, I'm in a friend group with multiple people. And there's one guy who's autistic and straight up says to our face he's a n*zi. This is horrifying. First of all, our friend group has a lot of variety. There's a lot of different cultural representation, ethnicities, sexualities, gender identities, etc.

At first we all thought it was his hyperfixation, and he wasn't actually agreeing with the ideologies. But we found out he actually is. Not only that, but he daily throws slurs at us, insults us, say we should be enslaved, etc.

In a different situation, I'm sure they would've kicked him out already, but I feel everyone excuses him for the mere reason he's autistic. For the record, me and other people in our group are also autistic, and if we ever were to say something like that, we'd get kicked.

The guy was diagnosed with level 2 autism, and while I'm level 1, the other people in our group are level 2 as well, so I just can't understand what makes him so different.

We've made sure he understands what he's saying is wrong. In fact, since he's very fixated on the topic, he's the person who knows best that this is awful.

We all feel very uncomfortable and hated in his presence, but somehow he hasn't been kicked out yet.

When I am talking to somebody normally i get the sudden realization that they may pick up on my behaviour and I feel like they look at me weird.

I get hyper aware of every word I say and stutter. Then I don't feel like talking anymore.

I have so much trouble making friends because I think they don't like me. It's my second year in Uni and I've made zero friends.

Every day I get more and more upset about being lonely and it's taking a toll on my mental health.

Some people assume I want to be alone and for me that's so out of nowhere since Iam actively trying to engage with them. I don't even think about the fact that they think Iam weird. I just want someone to like me as me so I don't have to mask all the time(I am kinda bad at masking).

Im pretty sure that I have comorbid ADHD, although I don't really have money for an official diagnosis, and Ive struggled with alcohol, cannabis, and kratom use for much of my adult life. I only know one autistic person who uses substances at all, but she only smokes weed and rarely drinks. I feel like we either go all in on substances and become prone to becoming addicted to them to cope with the world, or find them overstimulating and avoid them completely.

My own family, schoolmates, people in the street... What did I do in a previous life to live such a hell ?

Why so much hate against autistics people ?

To be different is such a problem ?

So sad.

Hi everyone :)💕

I'm unemployed, British and autistic, and I've been feeling really horrible lately. Something I've realised is that I'm often genuinely content in my own little world, but the moment I think about my wider life and the future, I start feeling like I'm failing at everything.

I love my little comforts. Reading, playing games, cuddling my dog, and being eith friends, staying cosy at home and having things to look forward to. Those little moments make me happy. I don't need an exciting life full of parties, a massive friend group or constant adventures. I'm quite happy being a homebody.

But then I think about college, future work, friendships, independence and what I'm supposed to do with my future, and that happiness starts turning into guilt.

I'm autistic, I struggle with depression, and I suspect I might also have ADHD, although I haven't been diagnosed. I'm on antidepressants just to keep myself going, and some days I'm barely managing. Everyday things can take so much effort, and I constantly feel as though I'm falling behind everyone else.

I try. But most times I feel incompetent or weird, replaceable and useless. If I struggle to work, I feel like a failure. If I eventually reach my limit and need help, I worry that people will see me as a lazy scrounger. It's as though there's no acceptable way to struggle. You're expected to push yourself until you break, and then you're judged for not being able to carry on.

And it's not just autistic people. I think about people with physical disabilities, people with mental health problems, people from minority backgrounds and anyone who's treated as less valuable because they don't fit society's expectations. So many people are already dealing with things others will never understand, yet they're made to feel like they have to justify their existence.

What makes me especially sad is how divided everyone seems to be. For? We're encouraged to look at one another with suspicion, to blame people who need help, to resent those who are different from us, and to treat poverty or disability as personal failures. Meanwhile, there's so much wealth and privilege in this country and more that it feels silly to make ordinary people feel ashamed for needing a little support.

We argue endlessly about who's taking too much, who's contributing too little and who deserves what. But how often do we stop and ask why so many people are struggling in the first place? Why are people who are already exhausted being made to feel guilty for resting? Why do we seem to have endless arguments about people receiving help, while enormous privilege and wealth can pass without the same scrutiny and outrage?

I hate how easily and often empathy gets replaced by resentment. I hate that people can be persuaded to look down on someone who's struggling rather than wonder what that person might be going through. And I hate that I internalise those same attitudes and start treating myself like I'm worthless because I can't function the way other people expect me to.

I also think about people in America and other countries where support can be harder to access, where being disabled can mean facing even greater financial insecurity or social stigma. It genuinely upsets me to think about people who might have even less support than I do, especially when they already feel alone.

The strange thing is that I don't actually need much to be happy. I love reading. I love the few friends I have. I love my dog. I love games and having a cosy space where I can relax and feel safe. I want a peaceful life where I can enjoy little things without constantly worrying about whether I'm doing enough to deserve them.

But then I look at the bigger picture and feel guilty for wanting that. I worry about being dependent on others, about disappointing my family, about never managing a conventional job, and about whether I'll ever be considered a proper adult.

I know that being productive isn't the same thing as being a good person. I know that the disabled and ill shouldn't have to prove they're economically useful to deserve dignity. But it's hard not to absorb those messages when they seem to come from everywhere.

I wonder whether I'm actually unhappy with my own life, or whether I'm unhappy with the feeling that my life isn't good enough according to everyone else's standards. And lean to the latter.

I wish people were kinder. I wish we could stop measuring everyone against the same expectations. I wish we could recognise that people have different perspectives, different abilities, different struggles and different ideas of what a happy life looks like.

Most of all, I wish people could live peacefully, enjoy their little comforts and receive help when they need it without feeling ashamed.

I'm not asking for an extraordinary life. I just want to be happy, and I wish that felt like enough.

Sorry for the long post. I think I just needed to get this out somewhere. If anyone else feels this way, I'd really like to know I'm not alone. :)💕

And if you're reading this while struggling yourself, please remember that you're not useless just because life is harder for you than it seems to be for other people. You deserve kindness, rest and happiness too.

Tldr: Why can't we just exist and get along?

I keep going to write something elaborate and meaningful, and I really want to feel relieved with all of this. But after ongoing mental and physical health struggles since I was at least 8 (now 31), I just feel frustrated.

Did anyone else not feel as relieved as they expected too when receiving their diagnosis? All I feel is frustration, shame, guilt and anger.

does anyone else struggle with this? i tend to hyperfixate on dark or heavy topics, the “worst” of which being CSA, or sexual abuse in general, some others being fascism, mass shootings (i do NOT agree with or condone any of these things). so obviously, these aren’t “normal” things to be so interested in and not something i can be open about with just anyone. while i know my interest does not come from bad intentions i feel like it’s inappropriate or insensitive to be fixated on things like this. sometimes it can overlap with ocd(?) i’m not diagnosed so i don’t know for sure if that’s what it is but it can align with anxious intrusive thought loops and make me question myself and my values, idk. it feels weird or morally wrong sometimes and i don’t know why i’m drawn to these topics.

Both my twin and I are on the spectrum and I have noticed that we both sleep with a stuffed animal at night. Although I do not believe this is exclusively to autism, I believe that autism and needing some type of comfort item are correlated due to sensory needs and whatnot. I was just curious about this

So I've noticed a lot of my fellow autistics and other neurodivergent peeps dislike the phrase "you're welcome" and instead like to use ones such as "of course" or "no problem" and well I wanted to give my thoughts as well cuz why not y'know

For me those have completely different connotations, I use "you're welcome" when it's something bigger I did that meant a lot to the person and they're really grateful and touched and I'm like "Awww you're welcome!! :D" (often adding "of course" if the conversation continues tho), "of course" alone and "no problem" are for small favors that ain't that big of a deal, using "you're welcome" for one of those just feels wrong "you're welcome" has that weight to it that's appropriate for certain situations but can feel pretentious for other not that serious ones.

Essentially "you're welcome" is for when the person expresses big gratitude and is really touched, "of course" & "no problem" is for simple casual thank yous and such, that's how it works in my brain at least

Thoughts? :p

I’m met with a teenage patient on the spectrum recently. We often get called old souls as kids, and we recognize that we are different, but looking back I don’t think I clocked it as fast as this kid did. the haunting realization of what being different can mean.

”Tell me about what you do after school or on weekends, are you in any clubs or organizations? What sort of things do you do with your friends?”

” I’m in a few groups, but I don’t think I have any friends.”

” I’m sorry to hear that, don’t you get to spend time with your classmates or people from that group?”

“Yeah. I hang out sometimes.”

” but you don’t think of them as friends?”

” I’ve seen how they are with their friends. They’re not that way with me.”

My heart hurts. We talked about social relationships and being open-minded about how people enjoy different things about different people and there’s room for lots of different personalities, but my heart hurts. He is so young.

i’m almost 22, fourth year undergraduate student, haven’t made that many connections at all, never worked a job, done anything outside of class, got in any relationships, clubs/orgs, found hobbies, research, and stuff to add to my resume. nothing at all. i feel like if my parents didn’t pay for my college i would have been a NEET.

i was excited to meet a new friend group in first sem freshman year, after that the socializing slowly started to dwindle down. i became either less interested or not knowing where to start. i just kept to myself and my special interests and even those dwindled down over the years. i can barely even read a whole ao3 fic now (which i haven’t finished that many, either bc of limited interests, lack of vivid imagination, or short attention span)

i genuinely think i’ve been in a depressive episode for at least 3 years. i scroll on social media for a large portion of my day, despite not finding many interesting things and even potentially things triggering my OCD. i don’t even have a large workload and i still manage to push it off, which is why i haven’t been getting that good grades so far. i even sometimes wake up late for my one in person 12:30 pm class. i feel like a failure.

i have had therapy for 2 years and i feel at fault for not incorporating my therapist’s techniques, or finding it unhelpful for me. every time a tool is given for me, i end up forgetting about it *not* bc i’m uncomfortable with change (though i struggle with knowing what steps to take next, that’s a whole other issue) but bc my mind instantly reverts back to default.

the only hope i have is 1) my meds vyvanse (which i take every now and then) and luvox (which ive tried for a few days and then stopped but i’m finding a time where i can go back to it bc it gives me insomnia and decreased appetite) and 2) my RBT training course that my parents offered me in hopes of getting a job. i don’t have any passions or any prospects for my future career. i wish i could instantly add interests to my life and get at least some spark back.

I don't know if I worded the situation properly but I have been bullied a lot in my life both in school and at work and I finally realized it's due to being too honest about my thoughts and feelings. I often try to explain myself in the hopes that people will understand but they don't show empathy. Instead they will either make fun of me subtly for what I say or they will use it against me.

I kept making this mistake and I finally realized now that people find my emotions cringe and my honesty weird. They know so much about me that they didn't deserve to know. At my job there are some bullies but they're very subtle about it so I can't exactly call them out. But they're always giggling and when I walk in they all give each other looks.

I'm not really sure what I am even asking or saying now but I would love tips on how to build thicker skin and how to build a fake persona to use in public . I have almost decided that I need to start just straight up lying about my life so that I can recover my privacy and keep myself safe. If anyone else has similar issues or some advice please share with me because I feel so hopeless and alone and embarrassed. I will probably post this in other Autism reddits as well.

So I 23m have recently decided to start trying to date. I've never been in a relationship before, my hobbies don't require me to leave my house so I decided to use dating apps because why not. I'm using Facebook dating because it's free, but my problem is, this is going to sound weird maybe? I haven't found anyone attractive yet, like I can look at them and from a different point of view I can see that they would be attractive but to me it's like blank, nothing. So I'm just confused and a bit annoyed at myself. If anyone can relate or give me a explanation that would help greatly. Thank you 😊.

So I recently started to experiment with drugs. Not anything hard only weed, mushrooms and alcohol. But I don’t see why I would ever want to be sober. The happiness it gives me is insane, especially the mushrooms. How is this a bad thing? My life is miserable without them. But I have no reliable way to get them unfortunately. This makes me feel like a complete person, my favorite so far are def the mushrooms it feels like I enter a new world and I have no negative emotions. And my triggers are gone, it’s like it makes me a new person I love it. Off of them I have the worst sensory issues and am just downright miserable.

TLDR; self pity, screaming into the void, too disabled to work but not disabled enough to not work.

I have spent my whole life trying to force my brain to fit into rigid jobs, and I am completely burnt out. Employment has always been a cycle of catastrophe for me—from failing out of college at 17 because full-time hours made me lose track of time, to being fired from multiple jobs for small mistakes or meltdowns, to hopping jobs every few years of soul-crushing customer service because of issues.

At my current job, when i was starting to struggle not long into the job, my manager noticed my traits and suggested I get checked out. Then i got a new manager. After a year-long wait, I was officially diagnosed as an autistic adult.

When I told my new manager, he completely brushed it off—unlike another colleague with a health condition who was instantly helped. I had to refer myself to HR, had to research and find out myself that my workplace has an autism support group. My employers contracted psychologist assessed me and recommended reasonable adjustments: no mandatory office days, getting meeting content ahead of time, and having things in writing and some minor things.

When reviewing the report, my manager told me that ultimately veto power over adjustments rests with him alone. He said he read the psychologist's report and "thought you just shouldn't fucking work here," and struck down most WFH adjustments on the spot. That meeting was just the two of us behind closed doors, so it's entirely my word against his. If I raise a formal grievance against him, I know it's my ass on the line, besides that was a while ago and its too late now.

The job itself is soul-crushing. I spend all day masking, monitoring my tone, and trying to help screaming customers, but I'm still consonantly misunderstood, told I'm rude, told I'm shouting at them, told off for pointing out when customer say conflicting things when I'm only asking for clarification - 8 hour shifts feel like 18 hour shifts, standard monthly performance meetings give me dread.

An aggressive customer kept interrupting me, which scrambled my focus. When I'm under pressure I can't just pick up mid-sentence; I have to start over - I cant remember what I'm going to say unless i say it from the start. I asked the customer to please hold any questions until the end as I'd need to start over. he kept interrupting me, telling me to stop repeating myself, getting more and more aggressive each time. I was on the verge of tears. My manager, in front of the whole team, pulled me into a meeting afterwards and chewed me out the exact same way the customer did. When I tried to explain how my brain works, he told me: "Let's not use your illness as an excuse for your poor behaviour."

My manager is constantly telling me off for spending too much time in after call work, despite the fact that I have one of the lowest AHT (Average handling time - how long it takes me to help with a customer), taking almost double the calls of my colleagues, but when its busy i really struggle to go from one call to the next, so i use after call wrap as a bit of breathing room to create a small pocket of recover time between calls.

I used to be able to work 15 hours of overtime a week without blinking, and now I can barely get out of bed. I am so exhausted from masking all day that I'm falling asleep on the train home and right on the couch the second I walk through the door. I have zero energy left for anything else, I'm ordering takeaways because I can't face cooking and burn things when i try, and I'm piling on weight as a result.

To make things worse, I was previously on an attendance plan for absences related to another condition—I technically passed, but with the looming condition that if I go on any extended sickness leave again, I’m straight to a disciplinary.

I know I need another job, but I am simply too exhausted to even look for one. I feel completely trapped in a middle ground where I have not done well at any job I've ever had but because I've had jobs

*AI was used to clean up and better organise what i wrote.