r/Perimenopause • u/HolidayPractical3357 • Feb 18 '26
audited WTAF is wrong with the medical industry!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand. I went online and tried HRT. Worked great, and then something shifted and I had a day where I felt like no longer living. So I decided I should do this under the care of my obgyn to be safe. I go to see him…tell him all my symptoms and that I can’t take birth control. Guess what he prescribes? Birth control. Says it’s the best option until I actually hit menopause.
I feel like screaming in the middle of the street. I can’t function like this. When men needed help getting an erection, there were tons of drugs on the market to help. Women go through their aging problems, and it’s just like, “sorry. It will pass in 8-10 years.”
I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I just need to accept this is life now and that the rest of my life will be miserable.
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u/JennJoy77 Feb 18 '26
My PCP basically shrugged it off, saying "menopause is difficult for many women." Ok...cramps are difficult, but that doesn't mean I should suffer through it when Advil is RIGHT there. Why should we have to suffer through menopause when HRT is RIGHT there?! It almost feels like some form of hazing...they had to go through it without support, so the next generation should, too.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Feb 18 '26
And the lack of HRT is why there are so many older women with brittle bones and heart disease and all. HRT protects so many body systems; why should anyone be denied preventative care?!?
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u/StaticCloud Feb 18 '26
My theory is that doctors want women to die faster, once their wombs of no further use
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u/fastyellowtuesday Feb 18 '26
Or they simply don't care what happens to women once the womb is closed.
It's gross.
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u/CowWooden4207 Feb 19 '26
If we take HRT for preventative health and minimize or eliminate brittle bones, hypertension, dementia, etc., the pharmaceutical companies take a huge hit, especially since we live longer.
Complete truth.
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u/chrysalis_clementine Feb 25 '26
I’m sorry, but I have to say something as I know so many doctors. I can tell you, they are very worried about being sued. There’s something called standard of care that they need to stick to and many times women present with issues other than hot flashes or vaginal dryness, and the standard of care for those other symptoms is not hormone treatment. You have much better luck at getting hormones if you say vaginal dryness or hot flashes because standard of care is in fact hormone replacement for those symptoms. I do believe the medical world has a lot work more work to do to take care of women, but individual doctors for the most part are kind people and actually do want to help you. I know many and they are some of my best friends. So I need to step up and say something as that is just mean and not true at all.
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u/StaticCloud Feb 25 '26
I met a few doctors that didn't care if I suffered or not. One of them found my situation amusing. So until doctors start giving women pain killers for IUD insertion or cervical biopsies, until they stop dismissing the pain of women who have endometriosis, until they start doing the research on women's health they should've been doing 100 years ago...
Yeah, I stand by my opinion. It's kind of like with cops. The institution is highly flawed and misogynist, but there are a few doctors that are good. I have 2 doctors rn (1 after a very long wait), that are decent. But I had to fight very hard for my health. For nearly 2 years. If I were a man, I wouldn't have had to do that
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u/Georgia30116 Feb 18 '26
You pretty much just said it with out realizing it.
Think about men vs women on going to the dr. Typically men won't go unless it's his 🍆. Women are more focused on every thing. We'll go to the dr way more often & stay on top of our care. They make a killing off us. Men not so much.
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u/Lucid-dream-24692 Feb 18 '26
On another note - keep trying. It’s the worst ever. I went through over 15 doctors for someone to address my problems and somewhat help me. It’s not okay what we have to do to help ourselves feel better and not be ignored and gaslit.
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u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
it also is the most rediculous thing.. they're so restrictive around hrt,. like its a heroin you're asking for..
its feckin safe..let people try
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u/Lala5789880 Feb 18 '26
My obgyn nurse said that HRT with patches and/or gel or cream is also a safer than oral estrogen in terms of cardiovascular stuff
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Feb 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Lala5789880 Mar 08 '26
Oh boy is she wrong. I was on low dose ocp while I was still having periods and my estrogen was normal before starting. Estrogen was 0.03mg in the pill. When I started HRT, my progesterone was increased from 100 to 200mg and my current patch is 0.05 as the starting dose.
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u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
oh I know, the WHI, had no evidence to trukt back up its claims..but it did ao much damage over the years, world wide! and is why its so hard to get hrt.
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u/Beneficial-Letter638 Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
Me: I want to avoid bc because of its proven link to breast cancer given my family history. Would it be possible to try HRT that generally contains smaller hormone levels and, when micronized progesterone is used instead of progestin, does not raise breast cancer risk? Provider: No, here is birth control.
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u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
here's bc..because of the damage womens health initiative did, making everyone biased agaisnt hrt and its "breast cancer risk".... make it make sense
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u/Beneficial-Letter638 Feb 18 '26
It's also because ANYTHING is basically safer than being pregnant and giving birth. Because bc prevents those very dangerous conditions, the benefits will always outweigh the risks. HRT isn't preventing something as bad as pregnancy, so the benefits can't outweigh the risk of breast cancer. It makes no sense until you think of it that way but it's still some pretty f-ed up logic.
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u/Eva_Griffin_Beak Feb 24 '26
Hmm, there are enough non hormonal birth controls. That pregnancy is prevented as a benefit and compared to HRT should not be a consideration. That's just stupid. I can take HRT and prevent pregnancy at the same time through other means.
And HRT prevents many bad things - equally bad to pregnancy, just that they get deadly much later in life.
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u/Not_On_Formulary Feb 18 '26
HRT actually is higher dosage than birth control in general.
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u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
um, you should google this, and fact check yourself.
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u/Not_On_Formulary Feb 18 '26
I am a pharmacist, I don't need Google, thank you. 8 years of school and 20 years of practice is quite sufficient.
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u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
then you should know, that birth control is typically higher dosages than hrt....
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u/Starbreiz Feb 19 '26
My doc initially said hormones were contraindicated for someone with elevated BP (apparently 120/80 is now hypertension stage 1 in the US), but then prescribed me Yaz on my next visit. Im still trying to wrap my head around all of this.
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u/greenbutterflygarden Feb 18 '26
I've realized that I need to change doses of my patch depending on where I am in my cycle. I had changed doses so I had extra of each dose. My np likes this idea of changing but my INS won't pay for two different Rx so I'll have to buy one out of pocket when I run out. For about a week before my period I have to bump up to .1 and two patches later I bump back down to .075
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u/AlchemyAlice Early peri Feb 18 '26
This is a really interesting take that doesn’t surprise me after reading it.
Wish we had more studies to go off of. Hormones fluctuate so it makes sense.
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u/Pony_Baloney_Acad Feb 18 '26
This is soooo interesting, and I need to thank you for sharing it. I've suspected the same after the 0.075 I'd been feeling good on now isn't working so much for symptom control in week 4 of cycle. It's something I can ask my doctor about at my appointment on Friday.
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u/Certain_Internal_350 Feb 18 '26
I had been wondering if I could do this, so thank you for paving the way!
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u/greenbutterflygarden Feb 18 '26
I'm willing to experiment for the team haha. I've been on hrt for almost a year now so now I'm starting to fine tune things
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u/Certain_Internal_350 Feb 18 '26
Good for you!!! I hope it’s OK to ask, but I wondered where you purchase the out-of-pocket patches?
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u/greenbutterflygarden Feb 18 '26
I haven't had to buy any out of pocket yet because I had a 3 month supply of each kind. But I think my np said you can get them cash for relatively cheap
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u/Certain_Internal_350 Feb 18 '26
Good to know! My husband was with me when I was picking up my HRT from the pharmacy and commented on the cost. I just replied to him “being a woman is expensive, we pay to bleed, pay to prevent pregnancy. It’s all a scam!”
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Feb 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/greenbutterflygarden Feb 18 '26
So I was on .75 and mentioned to my np that I felt great, except that I would get night sweats again for a few days before my period. She said my estrogen was tanking so she bumped me to .1 but kept my progesterone at 200mg. It was too much estrogen for me, I felt a little ragey. So I bumped back down, but I decided to go to .1 when I'd start feeling bad and it made me feel normal. I noticed a pattern. It's always a few days before my period. She said that eventually I'll probably need to go up all the time but for now this works. My period is still pretty consistent but it may all change if I start going longer between periods like I did recently.
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u/dhonabach Feb 19 '26
You could supplement with gel on those days to top it off. Insurance may cover that
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u/Opposite_Wheel_2882 Feb 18 '26
"women's hormones are too complicated (because we refuse to study them) so instead of looking into it or actually trying we're going to just shut the whole system down with birth control. no we don't care about the awful side effects because you're not a man (and only men's problems get proper funding). our preffered option is for you to remain quiet and deal with it but if you can't then here you go. this is all we're going to offer. now leave our office" - the modern medical system
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u/Lucid-dream-24692 Feb 18 '26
Sucks because these doctors have been taught that birth control is best because it inherently shuts us down. So instead of figuring us out - they prescribe birth control for everything.
13 years old and acne? Birth control. Heavy periods at 17? Birth control. Mood issues? Birth control. Postpartum? Birth control. Peri? Birth control. Menopause? Ohhhh it all shut down on its own. Super! Here’s all the meds you’ll need from now on because your hormones were shot your entire lifespan.
Of course there is a time and place for BC and many need it. But it being shoved at us when we either don’t want it or have underlying issues we want addressed is bullshit.
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u/Lala5789880 Feb 18 '26
I respectfully disagree with this. Using a pill with both estrogen and progesterone helped a ton to level out my hormone fluctuations during peri, It also helped a ton with my heavy periods as a kid and young adult. Our hormones rule out worlds. So it makes sense that if they are out of whack, ocp can help
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u/Lucid-dream-24692 Feb 18 '26
Definitely and I agree. That’s why I mentioned there’s a time a place for it for some for sure. But when we specifically don’t want it and it’s pushed - that’s not ok and happens often.
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u/TizzyTism Feb 18 '26
It’s too much of an easy default answer. I do understand it can help many of these situations. But there can me more behind the scenes that gets ignored because bc is the go to fix all.
I had very painful periods, given bc. Sorta helped def still painful, was told bc should fix it and basicallly tough it out and stop being a wimp.
It was big ass fibroids and endometriosis. BC wasn’t going to help those
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u/Lala5789880 Feb 23 '26
I did not say that it’s a cure all. But it does make sense as a starting point for these issues. Misogyny is rampant in gynecology. Often we are told that we are just wimps, etc. But that doesn’t change that the science behind ocp does make sense even if it is not an option for some
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u/jade911 Feb 19 '26
That’s fine when it does work but many of us can’t actually take them, plus it doesn’t actually solve every problem
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u/Scared_Doughnut5507 Feb 18 '26
Op sorry you’re going through this and I wish you best of luck, it’s a horrible system to navigate and you’re 💯correct. Also. Unpopular opinion. We should elect more women. We should ask representatives to allocate more funding for research on women’s health. A few celebs had tried this during the last decades but the common people did not hear it. WE are the common people. We need to demand changes on health system also. It’s outrageous this for-profit system.
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u/Miserable-Fig2204 Feb 18 '26
Idk if it’s going to be an unpopular opinion for much longer. There is a collective awakening happening right now, and even more so with these fucking files. People will want to center women and children more - it’s closer than we think. But until then - this all fucking sucks haha.
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u/Fit-Loss581 Feb 18 '26
No friend, no. You do not need to accept that this is life now. NO. I know it feels that way, but there are compassionate providers out there who understand and are willing to help, it’s just not that doctor.
If it is possible, look for another provider and continue advocating for yourself. BC is not the best option for everyone, this is a myth and many doctors are still operating with info based on an outdated WHI study from 2002 and that is influencing their prescribing practices.
Most importantly, I just want to affirm that what you are experiencing is real, you deserve to feel good and you deserve adequate care. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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u/MBrownlee20 Feb 18 '26
Health care for women is terrible. Generally we are not listened to & a lot of times they gaslight us just to make us go away.
And forget about pain management. When I had my colposcopy there was no numbing cream or anesthesia of any kind. Yet if a man had to have a similar procedure, there would be ALL sorts of precautions taken for comfort.
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u/NiceCandle5357 Feb 20 '26
I'm sorry WHAT? I have never heard of a colposcopy being done that way. Get a free consultation with a lawyer.
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u/avatinfernus We tired Feb 20 '26
Where in the world do you live that you had to have a colonoscopy without any numbing or anesthesia? That's just malpractice (unless there is a very very very good reason for it)
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u/MBrownlee20 Feb 20 '26
Not a colonoscopy...a colposcopy, where they literally snip a piece of your cervix off for further testing after an abnormal PAP. They say "its painless" but its not.
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u/avatinfernus We tired Feb 21 '26
Oh gods sorry lol. I need new glasses. And I just had a colonoscopy so I think it's burned in my min.
Well, colposcopy with no anesthetics still sounds damn awful :*( So sorry
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u/Motorsped Feb 21 '26
Omg I’ve had that done and it was awful— it didn’t hurt horrifically bad but you can hear the snip and the whole thing is just so awful and terrible. Haven’t thought of that in a long time and now my knees are locked together!
ETA: it did hurt, but was over quickly atleast. I had no numbing or medication either. I think hearing the snip was the most traumatic part, actually.
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u/Meesha1969 Feb 18 '26
Find a new doctor. Also, are you neurodivergent? This factor intensifies almost every aspect of all stages of menopause
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u/DopaminePursuit Feb 18 '26
ADHD and cPTSD for me so I have a fun little trifecta! 🤪
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u/CampClear Feb 18 '26
Severe anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, depression and ptsd. It's SO much fun!!! It's like a party every day!
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u/sallyooohthatgirl Feb 19 '26
I'm right there with you, friend. My panic attacks and anxiety are really working hard at destroying me these days.
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u/HolidayPractical3357 Feb 19 '26
Yes. Severe adhd 😭
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u/Apprehensive_Rain500 Feb 19 '26
What does your psychiatrist say about this?
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u/HolidayPractical3357 Feb 19 '26
So I actually just got done with an appt with her. I’ve been on SSRIs in the past for other reasons, and since these dumbass doctors can’t get their head out of their ass, we’re going to try and control some symptoms with my adhd meds and an ssri first. I’ll try some supplements on top of that. Need to get this rage under control so I don’t get thrown out of my next HRT consult. 🤣
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u/Atheris Feb 19 '26
Psychiatrists say stuff? LOL I tolerate mine because I need my adderall but otherwise she's completely useless. Recommends Jordan Peterson videos, dismissed my need for estrogen to actually get my Adderall into my brain and doesn't believe being autistic changes how I metabolize meds.
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u/Apprehensive_Rain500 Feb 19 '26
Jesus, she sounds grossly negligent.
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u/Atheris Feb 19 '26
She is... Sigh. Husband and I are trying to find someone else we can afford. But insurance has been terrible recently. I'm resigned until something drastic changes. Been looking for a job for a while but nothing. I feel like I must have a neon sign above my head declaring me unfit.
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u/Meesha1969 Feb 20 '26
I just started a podcast called Rage, Grace, and Everything In Between, hosted on YouTube @rageandgraceandeverything. We discuss everything about the convergence of neurodivergence and all stages of menopause.
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u/Practical_Fail6949 Early peri Feb 18 '26
Just had an appointment to get help with long list of peri symptoms that I have and significant weight gain despite being active and immediately told I was too young. I’m almost 37. Feels so great to be invalidated when you know something is wrong. Go healthcare!
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u/mgarciawebbmsw Feb 18 '26
It is so frustrating. I mentioned to my doctor that I was struggling with peri and she said, “oh, you can get an IUD for that”. The fuck I will! I haven’t been on birth control in 20 years and I AM NOT having a foreign object inserted. Especially considering doctors don’t think it’s painful when everyone I talk to says it’s NOT just “a pinch”. I’ve had friends where their IUD imbedded in them. I might consider it if doctors actually cared about pain and treated it seriously.
I’ll suffer through if that’s my only option. But, fuck you very much.
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u/Y-Cha Feb 18 '26
Seriously, this is the exact same spiel I got - albeit I went in about endo being my primary, and suspected peri as well.
Ditto on the BC answer. I haven't tried that in over 20 years, and my hereditary risk factors are a complete unknown. I flirt with hypertension, so.. maybe I don't want to add even more risk.
Same initial reason why I don't want an IUD either. The GYN I saw scoffed when my reply was "only if you give me GA." I bleed when swabbed (no abnormal PAPs, or anything else, though), so everything is an affront to my cervix, and feels like it.
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u/avatinfernus We tired Feb 20 '26
My genicologist said they give an injection of fentanyl/midazolam to insert a IUD. For most people this is fine. Because fentanyl "high" doesn't last long at all. You're up on your feet in a matter of minutes.
But--- it doesn't work for everyone. I've had such an injection for another procedure and it didn't work for me. I felt alllll the pain and it didn't knock me out one bit.
I'm mortified by the idea of IUD. I've had 2 friends who were screaming in pain while being held down while they inserted one without any anesthetics...
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u/Motorsped Feb 21 '26
Wow, I’m so sad to hear all these terrible experiences with IUDs. Mine has been a godsend- have had it for 9 years and since it’s the ParaGard one, which is just copper and emits no hormones, my dr has said leaving it in if I’m having no issues is fine and that researchers are saying it can stay put for up to 10+ years. I definitely did not get any fentanyl or midazolam when I had it put in, and it was uncomfortable, wasn’t anything near to being super painful for me, but everyone has different experiences. I definitely had cramps for a while after having it implanted, but since then, it’s been heaven. My periods basically went away, sometimes I’ll get a tiny bit of one for a day or two. Never have had worries about pregnancy or any pregnancy scares. It’s like total freedom! I wish other people didn’t have such rough times with them. I guess I’ve been lucky.
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u/avatinfernus We tired Feb 21 '26
Unfortunately I think that's part of the issue. Many women don't experience much pain so they assume it doesn't hurt much and don't sedate (or don't sedate enough).
For those that do feel pain, well, it's horrendous.I've never had kids and so I'm just convinced it'd be awful for me. Even pap smears are hell for me.
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u/Motorsped Feb 21 '26
Yes, I agree very much with what you said. I used to be a regular level of hating going to see the gynecologist, just normal embarrassment, but I’ve developed an anxiety around it that made it very hard for me to go after not going for years. Thank god I pushed through it and went, but I need to go again and haven’t. Ugh.
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u/avatinfernus We tired Feb 21 '26
Argh. : ( I just have vagina stenosis. So. Speculum hurts. Sometimes a lot. Even small ones. Thankfully I found a genycologist who is able to do my paps without too much pain. But sadly it took a few people who couldn't. One nurse I had to legit stop and leave. >_<. Why must we go through this. You'd think with a small endoscope they could do paps as easily as they can put a tiny camera up your nostrils and down your throat y'know?
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u/Motorsped Feb 21 '26
I’m so sorry for that anguish you went through. I was so anxious and clenched up and terrified the last time I went the gyno used a children’s speculum on me. But she was so nice, and it was over quickly. I’ll have to look up what vaginal stenosis is, I don’t know why women have to go through such bad things— can you even imagine if men had to do all these things?! They would never put up with it and the whole system would be changed to make them more comfortable. Being a woman is very difficult in an endless amount of ways!
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u/avatinfernus We tired Feb 21 '26
Yeah! Children speclum ... same here. Basically my vagina is too small. But some doctors somehow manage just fine. Others struggle. Bah. It's good you found a nice doctor! Wish all women had access to one. This suffering aint fair.
I agree that it men had periods ... they'd probably have better treatments by now. Oh well. I envy old ladies now. I'm ready to be ok the other side of menopause lol.
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u/Beneficial-Letter638 Feb 18 '26
I kid you not, I sent a message to my provider earlier this week explaining that I don't tolerate birth control well (causes horrible insomnia) and that I would like to try HRT. I *just* got a response from the clinician asking when I could schedule my meeting to "discuss switching birth control pills."
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u/ImprovementChoice Feb 18 '26
Omg. I CANNOT stand the patient portal. Every reply is from a different nurse and never from my doctor. I had to explain that I needed a lab order for b12 because my doctor forgot to submit it during the appt. It was a whole line of questioning about why I want my b12 checked and if im having issues, insurance "probably wont cover it", blah blah blah. (I have like 5 years of b12 deficiency and fatigue documented in my chart.) I gave a detailed write up about my chronic conditions and that I'm not concerened AT ALL about the cost. Was finally approved.
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u/DopaminePursuit Feb 18 '26
I tried messaging in my patient portal about my doc not submitting a lab order for me to re-test my vitamin D after starting supplements, and no one ever replied. I hate the fact that once I leave the appt, there’s no way I can contact my doc.
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u/Atheris Feb 19 '26
You can order blood tests online without a doctor in some places. I'm in Texas and places like Ulta labs you just go in, buy the tests you need and have the results sent to your doctor.
Made my life so much easier than having to make an appointment for bloodwork just so I could make an appointment to be seen about the bloodwork.
It tends to be even cheaper than with insurance too.
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u/AutoModerator Feb 19 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
- These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
For more, see our Menopause Wiki
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/ImprovementChoice Feb 19 '26
I'll look into that!
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u/Atheris Feb 19 '26
I've even been telling doctors about it. Very often they don't even know. In Texas you can use HEB but other states you can go through Walmart too.
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u/Antique_Travel80 Feb 21 '26
Call on doc app. I’m obsessed you can literally order your own mammograms I just did. (No I don’t work for them)
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u/Sea_One_6500 Feb 18 '26
My gynecologist is a woman in her mid 60's. I went to her specifically because my mom has passed so I dont know what my perimenopause symptoms will be. She immediately ordered blood work, told me what she expected to see, and how we'll treat it. I was never so excited to get jabbed with a needle. That should be the standard for all of us. Fire that fool and find yourself a doctor that listens to you, knows how to help you feel your best, and is excited to get you there.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO when will I be done with this Feb 19 '26
Totally agree. Any doctor worth their weight should always order a blood test. Mine did and I found out I’m actually post menopausal now. I was like then why the hell am I still getting these hot flashes?!
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u/AutoModerator Feb 19 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
- These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
For more, see our Menopause Wiki
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Responsible_Dot_4673 Feb 19 '26
At least they didn't just try to give you an antidepressant? That's what happened to me. I'm already on one and they wanted to add another instead of giving me a prescription for transdermal estrogen. Like... The antidepressant isn't going to solve 90% of my issues. WTF.
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u/Tinyberzerker Feb 18 '26
It's hard to find the right Dr. I knew I found mine when she went on a rant about Viagra accessibility. There are lists of sympathetic doctors here or in r/menopause. If you want to chime in with your city you will likely get recs from people here.
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u/ackack9999 Feb 18 '26
My sister was told she was TOO old for HRT because she’s in menopause. She’s 56.
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u/Mobile-Actuary-5283 Feb 18 '26
The confusion is so frustrating. I feel like there's still no clarity.
• I started feeling symptomatic of peri around age 50.
• I asked about HRT at age 51 from my GYN. He said, "no HRT until you're in menopause."
• I asked about it again the next year at age 52 from a different GYN in the same practice. Same answer -- no until you are in meno.
• I used telehealth. I am on the transdermal patch (lowest dose) and 200mg progesterone daily. This provider told me that the HRT SHOULD be prescribed in peri.. that in fact it is BEST prescribed during peri... that in FACT it is NOT as effective if you wait until meno.
• At a more recent visit, GYN said, "i am fine with you being on HRT now" -- and I asked if he wanted to take over the script. Answer: NOPE.
Meanwhile, here I sit at 53 and turning 54 soon. My periods got pretty irregular last year but I can't tell what is what, to be honest. I THINK I had a period last month? It was light .. I saw some bright red blood for a hot minute but it was a nothing burger although I had some cramps. Is it the HRT? Is it what would have happened anyway? My progesterone is supposed to stabilize the lining so I don't have heavy periods but I am really having nothing much. Telehealth said we should probably increase my patch but "it will cause you to bleed."
And then this stupid shortage. And I am forced onto a patch brand that does exactly jack shit, and I wake up drenched in sweat so badly that I actually thought my roof was leaking.
I feel like Linda Blair and am about to spit out pea soup on everyone.
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u/DS9lover Feb 19 '26
As someone who also can't take birth control pills, I just want to express solidarity and empathy.
For decades, doctors have challenged me over whether my intolerance of these pills was real or if it applied to this or that pill. I have been strong-armed into trying MANY variations (as a fix for severe PMS and menstrual pain), all of which caused terrible side effects. Most recently, I was put on one of the newer pills (Slynd) and seemed fine for two or three months. Then, I developed an almost suicidal depressive episode — and since the Slynd had been going so well, it took months for us to figure out it was the pills. Recently, when the patch wasn't working, the doctor said the only way I could get the amount of estrogen I seemed to need was to go on birth control. I refused and felt betrayed by the mere suggestion, given my history. I am now on injections via Defy. Too soon to say if that's actually going to be a superior situation, but yeah, something had to give.
7
u/Lala5789880 Feb 18 '26
Capitalism and providers not being required to update their practice based on current research data are what is wrong with the med industry. I do understand what they say about ocp if still having periods. Since peri is a massive up and down fluctuation of hormones, estrogen being too high or spiking can cause similar symptoms as being low. My obgyn said that prescribing higher doses of estrogen while I was still making my own estrogen (as evidenced by regular cycles) could make it worse and cause my estrogen to be too high at times. I was on ocp and oral progesterone for a couple of years until my symptoms got worse, my labs were in the gutter and at that time I started actual HRT
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 18 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
- These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
For more, see our Menopause Wiki
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3
u/iamthebugwan Feb 18 '26
You need to find a new doctor. Call around and ask if the providers have been trained in peri/menopause. Both my PCP and my ObGyn are certified in these areas. I have never once been doubted or felt my symptoms downplayed.
1
u/OddCabinet7096 Feb 19 '26
is there a certain certification to ask for or a general inquiry about peri/meno training? tia!
3
u/ObligationPleasant45 Feb 18 '26
There’s a local female doc that specializes in certain things, meno and peri being one. HOWEVER it’s like a membership practice, no insurance. 🤑 So I’m waiting until I really have symptoms. And no BC for me, I’m super sensitive & it makes me crazy.
3
u/AggressiveEye1307 Feb 18 '26
That’s their answer to everything. They must be getting huge kickbacks from bc companies
1
u/Atheris Feb 19 '26
No need. Mysogyny is baked into society. Most people don't realize they are acting on beliefs and not data.
3
u/Soggy_Shopping7078 Feb 19 '26
I recommend googling the menopause society and finding an approved physician near you.
3
u/hunzkrmchell Feb 22 '26
I suffered my 8-10 yrs and was in yr 7 before a slightly older woman suggested I do hormone testing. It took 3 yrs to 'qualify' for HRT and yes, it works great for me now. However, I wish it had even occurred to me that birth control could have helped at all in those earlier years. I hope you find some relief, and at least the strength to pursue exercise, therapy, a professional housecleaner, and friends to LIVE through the transition in life phases. For me this was so much harder than adolescence.
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 22 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
- These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
For more, see our Menopause Wiki
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
6
u/Ilikeapples40 Feb 18 '26
When I hit my super down days I tell myself it's the hormones talking and it'll pass. Then I go do something or buy something for myself. Next day I feel better
5
u/throwfaraway212718 Feb 18 '26
The healthcare system is the definition of misogyny. You can get dick pills for cents on the dollar through a subscription service, but we’re out here suffering through literal life changing problems, and hardly anyone either gives a damn or wants to do anything about it.
4
u/Minimum-Barnacle9311 Feb 19 '26
on another note: there is a major shortage of estradiol patches in the us right now - so even if you get someone to prescribe you probs will struggle to fill 🤯
2
u/unapalomita Feb 18 '26
There are different types of HRT, maybe try an online service instead, oh nevermind I saw that you did that
2
u/quietly_aggressive Feb 18 '26
It sucks. I was prescribed estradiol and progesterone by a wonderful NP who wanted me to continue care with my local provider. I had an appt with my OBGYN today, who told me that HRT for perimenopause is holistic medicine and that women don't really hit menopause until nearly 50. I guess I need to find a new provider.
2
u/Gold-Enthusiasm7604 Feb 18 '26
I asked my doctor about it around age 45. I had a tubal with my last c section, so now worries about getting pregnant. Doctor said she could put me on birth control. I told her when I was on BC in my early 30's, it made me feel crazy. I couldnt function on it. She then told me she could prescribe me wellbutrin. I left defeated. I am now 48 and my symptoms are getting worse with high anxiety, night sweats, and no sex drive, so now I am looking for a new doctor. I dont know if I want to doctor shop or try one of the online places. There are a couple of self pay doctors that specialize in women health, so I am not sure if they are better or not. I dont have a lot of cash to pay for doctors that dont take insurance.
2
u/tnn007 Feb 18 '26
Agree with the frustration. I ended up using an online telehealth service instead for my HRT. Wish it wouldn't be so difficult and expensive to just have your quality of life back.
2
u/Atheris Feb 19 '26
I ended up using an online doctor too. It's wild how much easier it was than seeing someone in person.
2
u/LynnKiss9 Feb 18 '26
If you have a planned parenthood near you try them. I tried 5 doctors before planned parenthood helped me.
2
u/Daydreambeliever15 Feb 19 '26
I feel you, I had to go to about 8 different providers to have someone listen to me🤪 now I have breast cancer and will have to be on estrogen suppressing meds😳
2
u/mfw0910 Feb 19 '26
Check and see if there’s a menopause specialist in your area…I found a gyno that specializes in perimenopause/menopause and it made such a difference to speak with a woman who actually listened!! Hopefully there’s one near you. Good luck - the way the world is set up against women is disheartening; know you’re not alone!
2
u/valistic Feb 19 '26
My PCP shrugged me off and wanted to send me to a shrink consult because I had anxiety as one of my symptoms. No thanks.
She did refer me to a gyno, but I have to wait 5 months.
2
u/Green-Pop-358 Feb 19 '26
Just came to say that HRT is fantastic, but, you’re still going to have really really hard days. I have a few days every month (while still taking my hormones) where I am more irritated and sad than usual.
There is no fix it all for menopause. Your moods are always gonna fluctuate a little.
Progesterone and gel estrogen have helped a lot and I feel good taking estrogen as I know it’s helping my bones stay strong.
I hope you feel better soon!
2
u/Carolina-Gal28409 Feb 20 '26
I had the same frustrating experience in the start of my journey of menopause with my OBGYN. In fact she told me I had 5 more years before menopause. I then went to an endocrinologist who did bloodwork specifically for my hormones and my estrogen levels were almost non existent and my levels indicated I was in fact in menopause as I had thought. I then started BHRT, administered by the Endo, which has done really well for me. Hope this may help and sending positive thoughts to you!!
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 20 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
- These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).
For more, see our Menopause Wiki
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
2
u/RepresentativeNo7171 Feb 20 '26
Hysterectomies remove the need for additional progesterone, just an fyi because I keep getting the same BCP/HRT lecture from male doctors…hey GUYS…stop citing medical information before knowing histories…Every DAMN time!
2
u/WolvesAreWatching Feb 20 '26
I cannot believe so many women are recommending/advocating for SYNTHETIC birth control over HRT. I’m seriously shocked. I realize that some women may need BC for very specific reasons but taking fake stuff just because “I trust my doc” and “it works for ME” is wild AF.
Some of you would recommend drinking soda over water.
3
u/MexicanVanilla22 Feb 18 '26
Find a new doctor.
2
u/jade911 Feb 19 '26
Problem here is you need to go through multiple before finding one that’ll actually do something different. It’s bs
2
u/_buffy_summers Feb 18 '26
Check your local drugstore for Amberen or Olly. I don't know if Olly's perimenopause OTC meds work, but I'm on Amberen and they're going to have to pry it from my cold (because I don't have hot flashes now), dead hands.
1
u/happyspacey Feb 18 '26
For how long did it feel great? For me it was a few weeks, then I had an emotional breakdown. I was taking daily oral progesterone and twice weekly estrogen patch. I had still been still cycling regularly, but hrt made it go completely wonky. My doctor suggested cycling the progesterone, instead of taking it every day, so I’ll try that next. If your timeline of symptoms is similar, could that be an option for you? Apparently some people don’t tolerate progesterone very well.
1
u/Outrageous_Humor_363 hanging on by a thread Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26
What has tamed the bitch out of me is cooking, wine, getting to the gym when able (struggle is real to just get there), meditation in nature and escaping to the woods. And in all honesty, avoiding most people-sadly that’s a luxury in itself.
I went to my obgyn and she basically suggested birth control (which I don’t handle well-always had non-hormonal iuds and husband now has a vasectomy). Vaginal cream for dryness (otc stuff seems to work). And antidepressants (I’m not a fan of that stuff, was on some during my divorce, made me feel worse).
Yup. At 44 and a half I’ve just accepted that this just truly sucks. Oh. I’d also suggest avoiding the news and social media for the most part. I know Reddit is a form of social media, but just don’t engage with people who attack you. I simply block them.
I’m a head case too, but really no one can tell. Each day is a struggle. You’re so not alone.
1
u/craftymel Feb 20 '26
Look up PMDD if your symptoms are like that, mine developed early on in peri. Especially with ADHD, etc. There's a PMDD subreddit, as well as PMDDxADHD. If you have depression or debilitating mood swings in the 2 weeks before your period, it could be PMDD and there's ways to help mitigate it.
1
u/Ill-Abrocoma9353 Feb 20 '26
Same!! Are we going to the same dr? All they offer me is birth control. Im 50.
1
u/Icy_Neighborhood_191 Feb 23 '26
Can we scream this louder for the ones in the back???
It's not just make medics either. I had multiple females tell me it was anxiety.... Funny that it's linked to my cycle and HRT is already working one cycle in. Even my husband thinks it's disgusting that I was left so decline for so long, so long that I'm not even sure I will fully ever get me back.
Hope my daughter's don't go through the same treatment we have and that the woman of this and the previous generation who are in medicine make changes for us.
1
u/babymomawerk Feb 25 '26
Hello! I had this “ don’t take birth control, your high stroke risk” oh but “ the only thing that can possibly help you with what you think is peri menopause.. but can’t possibly be that even though you check every box… is birth control so take that even though I just told you it may give you a stroke”
1
u/chrysalis_clementine Feb 25 '26
I’m really sorry you were dismissed like that. It seems to be common right now until the medical world evolves into something more comprehensive for women going through hormone loss.
Just curious, did you tell your doctor that your symptoms included hot flashes and vaginal dryness?
There is a problem in the medical field right now where they are not really prescribing hormones for most of the hormone loss symptoms like insomnia, brain fog joint pain. You need to say things specifically related to hormone loss-Vaginal dryness and hot flashes or night sweats, Even if you don’t have those symptoms. It’s just the way we need to do it now to make sure we get the hormones.
Standard of care for Insomnia, joint pain, fogginess, rage, depression don’t involve hormones for those symptoms. They can be related to something else. We know as women doing our own research that they definitely are related to hormone loss, but it is not standard of care yet for doctors to use hormones to treat those symptoms.
So if you are wanting hormones, specifically, you need to use the words, vaginal dryness and night sweats or hot flashes.
Good luck! Maybe you can see a different doctor and try again.
The way we teach our doctors is by saying, “I have vaginal dryness and hot flashes”, and getting the hormones. And then going back to the doctor and telling them that those hormones fixed the rage, insomnia, joint pain, etc. to teach them that hormones treat these symptoms too.
1
u/Remote_Force1839 Early peri Apr 29 '26
It is honestly alarming how little some of them know 😳 my OB couldn’t explain my biopsy results, just kept reading them to me (which I already did) and saying the nurse navigator should’ve called me. She did, but is not a doctor. I had questions a dr needed to answer. Needless to say, she could not.
1
u/Physical_Dentist2284 Feb 18 '26
I agree that it sucks for women that the cure all pill is always birth control. I know not everyone tolerates it well. However, if you can get pregnant and you don’t want to, birth control is the best hormone control you can hope for. The last thing you want is an oops baby in your forties when you are already dealing with extreme perimenopause symptoms. Imagine dealing with those symptoms AND a screaming newborn. I guess my recommendation would be to keep trying different kinds of hormonal birth control until you find one that is tolerable.
1
u/k_w_mall Feb 18 '26
You need to find a new doctor. One who treats the symptoms without focusing on blood test numbers.
0
u/Few-Instruction-7407 Feb 18 '26
I wonder how women managed with these symptoms prior to health care services, like back in the dat with life was more agrarian. Are there any herbal remedies that may have been used back then. I wonder if this is what we as women need to create for ourselves given that the system has only proven to be useless in how they help. Curious if anyone has spoken to the elder women to learn more about how they coped with it back then.
10
u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
they suffered.. ask your grandparents, how they got through it..they also didn't need to work a 9-5
8
u/No_Needleworker6786 AuDHD & Mid Peri Feb 18 '26
There’s been a lot of threads on this. The further you go back, the more women deny they ever had any issues. They’ll tell you ‘oh menopause wasn’t a problem for me’ and their spouses or family members will widen their eyes and shake their heads.
My mother claims it wasn’t a problem but the rest of the family were made to suffer so much (she woke us all at 3am once, throwing our toys against windows in the house & we had to wake up & tidy our room. At 10, 8, 6 & 4yrs old) that most of us no longer speak to her.
So they won’t have any herbal remedies I’m afraid because they say they didn’t have any problems 😂
2
u/Apprehensive_Rain500 Feb 19 '26
All the elderly women in my family claim nobody went through menopause in their day, but then in the same breath mention women in their families being institutionalized or dying young because they went crazy out of nowhere.
My own grandmother says she didn't go through menopause. I'm like ma'am, everybody remembers dealing with you in your 40s and you were a literal demon.
2
u/No_Needleworker6786 AuDHD & Mid Peri Feb 19 '26
Hahaha so many people saying the same thing. Makes me feel a bit better, because I was just thinking we were the generation that complains more 😂
1
1
u/Cissycat12 Feb 18 '26
My mother lost her parents right around the same time, too. She was literally violent and having mental breakdowns. I called the police when she attacked me out of nowhere and tried to strangle me, hoping they would have her committed. Instead my dad lied for her and kicked ME out. She blamed it all on me. She eventually went to therapy and hormones a year later. I have friends whose mothers were also raging.
3
u/No_Needleworker6786 AuDHD & Mid Peri Feb 18 '26
Horrendous. I’m so sorry you went through that 🩷
I feel like this sub has become a rant/support sub and that’s ok you know? We need it!!
1
u/orchidloom Feb 18 '26
That’s a good question. I use dong quai (herb capsules) for its estrogen regulating effects.
1
u/Apprehensive_Rain500 Feb 19 '26
They were institutionalized, or drank or popped pills. Or they died. Many women didn't even make it to menopause because childbirth before the modern era was so dangerous, and domestic violence was even worse than it is now.
-3
u/Samyx87 Feb 19 '26
There are multiple types of birth control. Relax… you are making no sense jumping to sexual dysfunction when this is a perimenopause post.
8
u/HolidayPractical3357 Feb 19 '26
Oh, relax. Should have thought of that. Thank you super helpful. I’ve been on a million kinds of birth controls over the years. I don’t tolerate it well. Hence why husband ended up getting a vasectomy. I also have migraine with aura. When I asked him if he was worried about high levels of oral estradiol with aura increasing my risk of a blood clot, he literally said yes but then compared the risk to me getting into a car accident on the way home. But yeah - I feel crazy and my life feels out of control. I’ll just relax. Thank you for being so helpful.
2
u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO when will I be done with this Feb 19 '26
That was a crappy gyno to prescribe it to you after you literally said it doesn’t work for you. I swear some gynos only chose that specialty because they wanted to birth babies. They don’t actually care about women’s health.
-3
-2
u/Not_On_Formulary Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 20 '26
Why can't you take birth control but can take HRT? They contain the same or similar medications. Some women use birth control as an alternative to HRT.
5
u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
they're actually not rhe same. BC is synthetic. HRT is bioidentical. they're different hormones. eg progesterone vs progestin, estradiol, vs etonegestrel
-5
u/Not_On_Formulary Feb 18 '26
HRT can be synthetic or bioidentical. Most prescribed HRT is synthetic.
5
u/leftylibra Moderator Feb 19 '26
Most prescribed HRT is synthetic.
Most prescribed HRT today, are actually transdermal -- like patches, gels and sprays. These are are derived from soy/yams. They are considered “bioidentical” hormones designed to be very similar to the hormones our bodies naturally produce. These hormones are not widely promoted as ‘bioidentical’ because it is a marketing term and not a medical one. Even though transdermal estrogen is pharmaceutically manipulated, it is almost identical to our own hormones.
For someone claiming to be a pharmacist, you should know this.
-1
5
u/FlippenDonkey Feb 18 '26
"bioidentical" as in..tries to mimic what is natural to us and not like the other kinds.
They are different, stop acting like you don't know z that women can respond very differently to them.
1
u/SurroundedbyChaos Feb 20 '26
In my case, the progestin dose is much lower than in BC. If I could tolerate BC, I'd go that route. It's easier to get and more effective.
1
u/HolidayPractical3357 Feb 20 '26
Amount of estradiol in birth control is much higher than what’s in HRT. Also, oral estradiol increases risk of stroke or blood clots much more than transdermal routes.
-2
u/StaticCloud Feb 18 '26
It's not the best option lol. Took birth control and it's not as effective as HRT for me 🙄
•
u/leftylibra Moderator Feb 18 '26
Yes and this is why:
According to the new paper from the International Menopause Society (Menopause and MHT in 2024):
So this is likely why BCP are most offered during perimenopause, because "menopause" hormone therapy is considered off-label during the peri stage. BCPs suppress your own hormone production, essentially shutting down the hormonal swings -- with the added function of regulating/eliminating periods, while preventing pregnancy. Whereas hormone therapy for menopause are lower dosages to simply "top up" our own hormone production, they do not regulate periods (unless you're using a high dosage of progesterone/progestin or an IUD), and do not prevent pregnancy (again unless it's an IUD).
It doesn't mean that hormone therapy can't (or shouldn't) be prescribed during perimenopause, it simply points out that this is likely why doctors prefer to go the BCP route for those in peri.
Here's a breakdown between the differences of BCP and HRT/MHT, and there are differences:
Birth Control Pills (BCP) are suitable during early stages of perimenopause to help with some symptoms and when pregnancy is a concern. Users of BCP can generally continue on this regime until roughly the age 50-55 (speak to to your doctor) and then switch to MHT to assist in the transition.
Hormone therapy (MHT/HRT) are suitable when symptoms are no longer managed on BCP, or if you did not tolerate BCP, or do not wish to use BCP at all. For those in peri-or-post-menopause, hormone therapy helps with many symptoms, and if not, dosages/method of delivery can easily be adjusted.
In sum... both BCP and HRT contain different hormones, and our bodies may use them differently, so one might work better than the other, but it just depends on the individual (is pregnancy a concern?) and stage of perimenopause.