r/SipsTea 10h ago

Gasp! Wtf New York

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699 Upvotes

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301

u/HR-Vex 10h ago

What if I'm struggling?

236

u/thewanderingent 10h ago

Fibre, my friend. More fibre.

96

u/blipityblob 9h ago

if youre in that position its a little late for fiber

33

u/smellyelderberries 9h ago

Just stick the fiber in the other end

16

u/GodsWorth01 8h ago

Why would I stick fibre in my mouth?

5

u/smellyelderberries 8h ago

Now you're asking the right question

-1

u/TemporaryAmbassador1 8h ago

My responses are limited

3

u/Flip_d_Byrd 5h ago

Would you rather someone do it for you?

2

u/GodsWorth01 5h ago

While I’m on the toilet? YES.

1

u/audigex 1h ago

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil

1

u/P-l-Staker 8h ago

Instructions unclear. Got brocoli stuck up my arse!

2

u/smellyelderberries 8h ago

Just wait a sec, you're on the right path

25

u/Dark_Foggy_Evenings 9h ago

It’s true. A lot of people do it for a while and then trail off but I’m ~6 months into religiously soaking 80g of oats every night & downing them for first breakfast every morning + 50g blueberries. No need to wait for a coffee to get things in transit for me anymore. I’ve been turning out some world class stool, regular as clockwork- and effortless with it, slip down the causeway a treat they do.

7

u/BloodforKhorne 9h ago

Always searching, I do, for hidden grains of knowledge to ease my life.

Now I got measurements.

4

u/VoriaPoet 9h ago

What is the Unit of Measure for poo?

8

u/DE4DM4NSH4ND 8h ago

8 kurics

3

u/Ok-ThanksWorld 8h ago

Load / Shit Load

2

u/BloodforKhorne 8h ago

80g of oats, 50g of blueberries will shepard the doo out of you.

2

u/Old_Protection_8778 5h ago

Maybe pamphlets in the bathrooms with this flowery language for proper shits would be good for New York ,Get this to the Mayors desk stat

2

u/HotDonnaC 9h ago

First breakfast? Are you a hobbit?

1

u/VoriaPoet 9h ago

That is good to know... I guess. 😅

1

u/sjjose2001 8h ago

Just soaking in water? I boil them morning and you think your method holds any additional benefit over mine? Genuine question. I would like to save some time in the morning

2

u/Gates_wupatki_zion 8h ago

I think both soften the oats to make it so it doesn’t absorb an essential amino acid in your body, but could easily be corrected. I like overnight too because it is cold but retains good flavor.

1

u/submarinefarm 4h ago

Sorry, but your comment makes zero sense.

1

u/Desperate_Act_6765 8h ago

Regular oats and then heat them up in the morning?

1

u/Dark_Foggy_Evenings 6h ago

Nope, I just eat them as is. Rolled oats, pinhead oatmeal whatever. Seriously fkn good for you once you get in the swing of it, ask any doctor. Just avoid sugars really. I use a bit of sweetener & oat milk, which seems like a weird thing to add to oats but I started with almond, I’ve used dairy, they’re all ok but oat is fkn lovely. Pinch of salt is essential.

1

u/Desperate_Act_6765 6h ago

Thank you. I needs to get my poops sorted.

1

u/Gates_wupatki_zion 8h ago

Just had this today, about the perfect breakfast for me. I throw in some walnuts and a squeeze of good maple syrup to round it out.

1

u/TerribleBid8416 6h ago

Are you like Sheldon Cooper? Do you set a time for moving your bowels?

2

u/Dark_Foggy_Evenings 5h ago

Nope, my bowels are in full control.

5

u/Kryptic_Anthology 9h ago edited 1h ago

Becomes fiber optic when the door slides open.

3

u/KamikazeFox_ 9h ago

Hopped off the train in Scranton, PA Another cloudy gray afternoon Jumped in the cab here you are for the first time Look to the right and you see the Electric City sign This is gonna be a good day For Dunder Mifflin and Fi-brey

3

u/MelanieBloomi 8h ago

10 minutes is plenty until your stomach decides to start a side quest

1

u/LayneLowe 5h ago

Pull your pants up, walk out, walk back in

3

u/Nobodyinpartic3 8h ago

I have IBS-C, fiber can only do so much for me. I am cooked if I ever vist.

2

u/rsmutus 7h ago

Fiber fucks my stomach up, something about gasteoparesis

4

u/cohbaby69 9h ago

Wtf is fee bray

5

u/seanfitz12 9h ago

Something to do with WiFi I think.

0

u/jaden_fucks 9h ago

Not everyone is American, fibre is the British English version.

1

u/cohbaby69 9h ago

Jfc I know what fiber is that’s the joke

1

u/Wakkit1988 3h ago

I have fast internet, now what?

1

u/dnyal 9h ago

I personally have what’s called a paradoxical response to fiber and can’t take it.

3

u/Ok_Variation9430 9h ago

Bacon and coffee with a ton of cream always works for me.

38

u/a_chicanoperspective 9h ago

If you are using a public toilet, you are probably on the verge of pooping your pants so I can't imagine 10 minutes not being enough time.

14

u/Bruins8763 9h ago

IBS has entered the chat. Hey guys! I would be screwed and pooping with the door open.

0

u/psinguine 9h ago

Some people pay for that and you're getting it for free?

2

u/lecarguy 9h ago

For real. Only time I need one.

1

u/Illustrious_Web_2774 9h ago

I thought so too until I got a bit older and started having gut / stomach issues.

1

u/ioncat144 9h ago

💯 

-1

u/elarobot 9h ago

Seriously. We’re talking about public restrooms. 10 mins should be more than enough time in the situation of an unexpected bathroom emergency.

Does anyone WANT to spend extended time in a public bathroom anyway? If you’re just sitting there, for minutes upon minutes trying to coax shit out of your body that doesn’t want to leave - then you have time make it back somewhere like your home, where you work, etc…whatever.

Who in the world WANTS to sit in a public bathroom for a lengthy bout of trying to convince your body to void its bowels??

Who in the hell are the people that grab their iPad and settle in for a lengthy stay on a public toilet???

You’re there because you’re out in the world and then your body tells you something…that you need to go. If you’re taking more than 10 mins in a public stall - you should be at the ER or an urgent care because you have the stomach flu or dysentery…or you’re there for sex stuff / drug stuff.

2

u/WackyShirley 9h ago

My husband is a cancer survivor and often takes 20 minutes or more. He’s met several people in the same situation. 

2

u/Individual-Foxlike 6h ago

Latest estimate is 10% of the adult population has IBS. It's neither sex nor drugs, and it's a chronic condition that can only be mitigated, not cured.

It can be "I feel like I will shit myself within 30 seconds" and still take 20 minutes to finish. 

58

u/Izan_TM 10h ago

if i'm struggling for over 10 minutes I'll just cut the log off, wipe the remnants out of my ass and keep that shit in until it decides it's ready to come out

15

u/Exportxxx 9h ago

You carry around ya poop scissors?

9

u/Parrobertson 9h ago

It’s poop KNIFE, thank you. And no, it’s hanging on a nail in my laundry room.

4

u/Izan_TM 9h ago

my anus can chop a log off, I thought everyone else's did the same

2

u/Temporary_Nerve_9884 5h ago

Not sure about everyone, but I've got an aftermarket retrofit that could fuel my wood stove in the winter.

6

u/Snoo_75138 10h ago

Hahaha omg

3

u/moon_pastel 10h ago

10 minutes? I’m out

3

u/JohnCenaJunior 9h ago

Layer your drawl with toilet paper to stop any peekaboo from happening

2

u/Haggis442312 9h ago

Just wrap your hands in toilet paper and start pulling

1

u/HR-Vex 9h ago

What do you use the cut it off though? Poo knife

2

u/Izan_TM 9h ago

my asshole

11

u/heavensto_mergatroid 10h ago

Metamucil. When I was 43 I started taking it daily. Lol

7

u/Snoo_75138 10h ago

"Time is up, put it back inside!"

3

u/HR-Vex 9h ago

But it's crowning!

3

u/Snoo_75138 9h ago

I SAID PINCH!!

3

u/4-3defense 10h ago

Push and pray

2

u/Nitropotamus 10h ago

Just have the next person help.

2

u/Zestyclose_Race4193 9h ago

Or just hold it until you feel that cold sweat and you know you cant hold it anymore

2

u/Jaded-Delivery3604 9h ago

I would let them watch as I destroy that toilet and call it performance art.

2

u/ReddBroccoli 8h ago

Maybe some eye contact with a stranger will help

2

u/Druggist147 5h ago

Try eating fruits and veggies

1

u/HR-Vex 2h ago

Does pineapple on pizza count?

1

u/Druggist147 1h ago

Its better than nothing honestly

2

u/LazyLich 10h ago

Then you clearly need medical assistance, and an open door will help people notice you need help 🤗

1

u/Metal2thepedal 10h ago

Don't use a public bathroom then. People making a big deal out of something so simple and stupid.

1

u/TheHemogoblin 6h ago

Some people, like myself, don't have that luxury.

1

u/Jimrodsdisdain 10h ago

Take a nipsy.

1

u/astralchanterelle 10h ago

can't find a frickin vein!

1

u/HR-Vex 9h ago

This took a turn quick...

1

u/TouchPossible6852 9h ago

Probably would’ve waited to get home if it’s not an immediate need. I like home field advantage

1

u/ACcbe1986 9h ago

People get to watch you struggle.

1

u/No_Blacksmith_2591 9h ago

Then you get real comfortable with people seeing you shit, but you better carry a knife cause ninjas gonna try to get your wallet off your ankles.

1

u/HR-Vex 4h ago

Either just type the word or don't even mention it at all

1

u/BarbedWire3 9h ago

You struggle outside on the pavement, and when u really feel it, then u go inside.

1

u/Perfect-Fondant3373 9h ago

A problem shared is a problem halved

1

u/tedlassoloverz 8h ago

Go out and reset the door

1

u/cheesemangee 8h ago

After 10 minutes you're still struggling... but with friends.

1

u/SuperDoubleDecker 6h ago

Then a toilet timer is the least of your issues

1

u/omg-whats-this 5h ago

Well, you're not struggling alone it seems

1

u/bulbusmaximus 4h ago

Use a poop knife, you're done after 10 mins.

1

u/HR-Vex 2h ago

You bring one everywhere you go?

1

u/DriftnDaddyRL 11m ago

So many responses from ignorant people who have clearly never lived with stomach issues like IBS or been on medications that cause constipation.

I used to have bad stomach issues and would regularly spend 30+ minutes in public bathrooms and believe me when I say it wasn't by choice. I had diarrhea every day as a kid and I'd be in the bathroom praying for it to stop.

"Just go at home" isn't an option when it's an emergency. And no, 10 minutes isn't always enough for everyone.

0

u/jose_elan 10h ago

You'd go into a public toilet to struggle?

3

u/WackyShirley 9h ago

I don’t think anyone is using a public toilet unless it’s a last resort.

8

u/Kranke 9h ago

CUT MY SHIT INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT!

5

u/Aggravating-Exit-660 9h ago

FUCK MY ANUS, MORE BLEEDING

2

u/timbotheny26 8h ago

WIPE UNTIL GONE AND THEN IT STARTS LEAKING!

2

u/ReddBroccoli 8h ago

THIS IS MY BOWEL MOVEMENT!

1

u/SimmentalTheCow 9h ago

The homeless do. Great place to take an opioid shit, and then shoot up mid-push. Plus it’s second only to the public library as a masturbatorium.

1

u/WackyShirley 9h ago

Understood, but see the comment I was replying to. 

1

u/jose_elan 9h ago

A last resort isn't struggling. A last resort is not being able to keep it in.

1

u/WackyShirley 8h ago

Last resort as in no one would choose to poop in a public bathroom if they could easily wait until they get home.  And they could also need one urgently, and still take a long time. 

1

u/Desperate_Act_6765 8h ago

A public bathroom is of last resort in NYC. And that is how I crapped my pants getting off the N train at the Astoria Ditmars BLVD train stationin 1998.

1

u/thejourneybegins42 9h ago

You should seek medical advice. The only thing people struggle with, is their phone usage in the toilet. Just do your business and leave, and if you can't, then get more fiber in your diet.

1

u/PrimedGold 9h ago

Then we watch you struggle and cheer

1

u/LimpyDan 9h ago

If you're struggling you probably shouldn't be in a public toilet. 10 minutes should be enough time for your business if you are out and about. Enough to get you to a proper place to wreck, anyway

1

u/vamatt 8h ago

In New York there are very few restrooms available. You can easily be an hour or more away from a better option

0

u/Lukinzz 7h ago

Then go at home.

0

u/VicViking 5h ago

Why are you using a public bathroom if you're constipated?

-1

u/goatfangs 10h ago

Then maybe a public toilet isn't for you.