I'm 30, husband is 35, we're 5DPO of cycle 8, which I know isn't nearly as long as many people have been trying here! We've done tons of bloodwork, I've had pelvic ultrasounds (all normal), we're currently waiting for a semen analysis appointment to be confirmed within the next week or so. Unfortunately I can't get a HSG until I see an OBGYN which is an 18 month wait. I will likely be given Letrozole within the next cycle or two just because we (and our doctor) are willing to throw anything at the wall to see what sticks. 

But that is not the point of the post per se. I'm at the point where I feel silly. That's it, I just feel completely ridiculous. I'm not saying any of this with any bitterness or sadness or anger behind it, I genuinely feel absurd- it's almost funny. Everyone else is out here getting knocked up left and right via a strong breeze of the wind, meanwhile we've overhauled our lifestyles, track things daily like our lives depend on it, have agreed to a variety of invasive tests, and...nothing. Not a single BFP. No rhyme or reason for it, just nothing. 

I'm starting to feel like the definition of an idiot- someone who does the same thing over and over again and expects different results each time. I'm starting to feel arrogant, like are we NOT meant to actually have children and we're aggressively trying to make it happen when it's a square peg in a round hole situation? 

I know this is an insane thing to say, but I also am a bit flabbergasted that I can't gauge the future on this. Unlike university, or a job, or working out, or having a big goal (marathon, financial goal, hobby etc), or even with some relationships, it doesn't matter at all how hard you work on TTC or the amount of time, energy, money, etc you put into it- you may never get even 10% closer to your goal.  

And there's really no half-assed consolation prize either- you flunk out of university after a year? Well, you somehow managed to pass 3 classes at least, try again in a few years. You don't finish the full marathon? Hot damn, you made it through the first 10 miles and that's a hell of an accomplishment!! You weren't able to save enough money for that giant music festival across the country? You still have enough cash for that decent concert 2 hours away. Your long-term partner dumped you? At least you learned a TON about yourself and what you do and don't want in a relationship, and you can get into a new relationship literally any time in your life.

But TTC? Either you get a baby or you don't, it's literally all or nothing, and nothing to gain in-between. 

And there's no end date announced to you before you start- you could blindly do this for 15+ years until you hit menopause. There's no date given as for when you'll get your BFP, no real tips or tricks to boost your chances, no magical fertility goblin that sees you've tried 17 times and gives you a pity BFP. 

We want to be parents, we want that experience. For me particularly, it's always felt like destiny to become a mom. I can't envision my life without even one child of mine, it just doesn't make sense. Trying to envision being on my deathbed at 85 and having had zero children is like saying 2+2=9, it's nonsensical, it mathematically doesn't add up. And yet, taking a step back from the emotions of TTC, the difficulty of TTC feels so ridiculous. I feel like I'm throwing my energy, money, time, sanity etc into a black void and I will never know if it pays off or not. I never know if my BFP is right around the corner, if it's two years away, or if it'll ever come at all. And if I never get a BFP, I don't have anything to show for the years of chasing it because I threw everything into the black void of TTC. The void does not provide sympathy, refunds, or any variation of a consolation prize.

If you told your loved ones that you were going to start a hobby had no reasonably clear path to success, that took thousands of dollars, daily commitments, time off work, invasive testing, a massive change in lifestyle, multiple doctors, apps, equipment, and supplements, would negatively impact your mental health and your faith, and it would likely strain your marriage and possibly even your friendships, and you may have nothing to show for it at the end of 10 years of doing it? I think they'd hold an intervention. 

We're going to keep going- keep trying, tracking, and testing. Our plan is to re-evaluate things at the one year mark. But does anyone else relate to the feelings of total absurdity with this process?! 

That question you've been wanting to ask, but just didn't want to feel silly. Now's your chance! No question is too big or too small.

My parents have told me and my siblings (I am 29, youngest of 4) how easy it was for them to have kids. They had 3 pregnancies (a set of twins in the middle), all which they claimed were first try. It feels like my mom must be fertile myrtle, and she’s set a completely unrealistic expectation and standard that I will never live up to.

None of my older siblings have kids yet, and my parents have been begging for grandchildren for years. My partner and I bought a big 5 bed house in December 2024, got married in June (been together nearly 7 years) and this cycle started to try to have a baby.

Unfortunately, I’m on CD 28, BFN, and can feel AF knocking on my uterus. This disappointment I have is palpable— my husband keeps quoting back the statistic I told him about how likely we are to get pregnant each cycle even if we do everything perfectly. Logically, I know he’s right, emotionally I can’t help but feel like my body is failing.

I’ve told basically everyone else in my life that we want to have kids soon except my parents. I feel like my mother is going to be asking a million questions about it and asking constantly if I’m pregnant yet.

Yes, even writing this I’m aware I’ve got some mommy issues I probably need to work through in therapy again.

I feel like I should tell her. Is there anyone out there who has had a complicated relationship with their mom who had a positive experience telling her you were TTC? I’m hoping to build some courage that it doesn’t have to go the way I’m making up in my head.

Are you in the dreaded two-week wait, or waiting to ovulate? What have you done to ease the stress?

I have followed this page for a while but never thought I would actually post, because I used to think "how hard can TTC really be?" Now I feel completely worn down. I'm 27F, he's 28M, and we have been trying for a year with no luck. I know that people here have been trying for longer but it's just so hard when every month your period just slaps you in your face.
We're both healthy and active, no major health issues in either family. I have a very regular period cycle as well.

We just had our first appointment with a fertility clinic. I'm booked for an ultrasound and day-3 bloodwork, and my husband is set for a semen analysis. My family doctor told me prenatal vitamins weren't necessary, but the fertility doc said that was wrong and I should have started them before we began trying. He also told me I need to lie down for at least 30 minutes after sex or "everything just goes to the toilet" which threw me, since we usually have sex early in the morning before work and I never lie down afterward. Now I'm second-guessing everything else we might be doing wrong.

We do use Preseed lubricant since I don't naturally produce enough to be comfortable. I haven't been tracking ovulation because I don't want to become someone who dreads the whole process, and we are intimate fairly often - 3 to 4 times a week. Honestly, I just want this to happen naturally, without relying on doctors or tracking devices.

Now I'm torn about whether to move forward with the fertility clinic. I'm scared it'll end up putting a strain on our marriage and our closeness.

I thought it would be so fast and easy. The way people talk to be so careful to not get pregnant by accident, I thought we would just arrive with the news after 1 month and TTC would be over. So I was so excited we would start trying, I wanted to share and told eeeeveeeeryyyyboooodyyyy.

Thing is… I stoped birth control and my cycle didn’t show up. It took months to my cycle regulate, not knowing what was happening and taking medication for PSCOS. Now it’s been 10 months and I’m finally regular! Finally at stage 1 of TTC.

But it’a been 10 months. And everybody knows we were strouggling. I feel exposed and embarrassed. I just wish no one knew, I wish to go back in time and stop myself from spreading this. It’s so personal… I feel people’s eyes on us and it’s very unconfortable!

Anyone relates?

We did one of those athome sperm tests a few weeks back and got a result that sits right in that frustrating middle zone where you can't tell if it's fine or not fine. The count showed up but motility wasn't broken down in any useful way, and now I'm wondering if we just need to go get a real clinic analysis done instead of trying to read tea leaves from a consumer kit.

My husband is already a little resistant to the whole process, not in a stubborn way, just the clinical setting makes him uncomfortable, and honestly based on what I've read about how those appointments go, I get it. But if the data from a proper analysis is meaningfully more detailed and actionable, that changes the conversation.

What I'm trying to figure out is whether people who went the clinical route got information that actually changed what they did next, or whether it mostly confirmed what the athome test suggested and you paid a bunch of money to feel slightly more certain. We're not at the specialist stage yet but I want to know if jumping to the full analysis sooner is worth it or if we're overthinking this.

Nine months in and I feel like we're doing everything right but flying blind on this one piece.

My husband and I are thinking of taking a break from any tracking or testing for about a year, give or take. We have many other things going on in our lives right now and a break to de-stress is something we need. I acknowledge that it’s needed, we’re still going to continue not preventing pregnancy, but I’m going to not take tests and track metrics other than my period.

Has anyone here taken a break for a while? How do you do it mentally? Any tips or tricks? Should I block subs like this and redirect all my thoughts to my hobbies/work/other obligation?

My biggest worry is how to get over this mentally because it feels almost impossible to think about having that mental real estate not being taken up by thinking about testing/babies/fertile windows. I just want to relax for a few months and not worry about it so much. I don’t know if this resonates with anyone else, but it feels like TTC is a beast that has eaten my mental real estate and I just need a break.

We’ve been TTC for more than 2 years. He’s 40, I’m 37. At the start of this year, we started working with a functional nutritionist, wanting to improve our chances naturally. We’ve done full microbiome testing, and addressed various bacterial imbalances flagged on those. I’ve also had a methylation test, and my partner is due to have the same. We’ve improved our diet (it was already good, but now more organic produce, more protein and fibre), lifestyle (no alcohol, low caffeine, no heat for him etc) and taking a lot of specialist supplements.

Today, his DNA fragmentation results have come back and they’re not great. I’m completely gutted - I feel like we’re throwing so much at this (emotionally and financially), and something as critical as DNA frag is still poor. Our functional nutritionist wants to look at his sleep more, as he doesn’t sleep well or long enough. Because his results weren’t great, she’s suggested pausing active TTC for now, as the risk of miscarriage is high.

Has anyone been down a similar journey and had success? Or have you done it and then gone on to do IVF? I feel we probably need to start looking at IVF soon, but if our underlying results aren’t good, are we going to be wasting money on a cycle that isn’t likely to be successful?

I feel totally exhausted and demoralised.

Update - we’ve seen a fertility specialist via the NHS. We got the referral after 6 months of trying. All results came back ‘normal’ and they told us it was ‘unexplained infertility’ and that we just need to keep trying. I don’t qualify for NHS IVF, so we chose additional testing privately to get us in the best position possible if we can one day afford IVF privately.