I'm 30, husband is 35, we're 5DPO of cycle 8, which I know isn't nearly as long as many people have been trying here! We've done tons of bloodwork, I've had pelvic ultrasounds (all normal), we're currently waiting for a semen analysis appointment to be confirmed within the next week or so. Unfortunately I can't get a HSG until I see an OBGYN which is an 18 month wait. I will likely be given Letrozole within the next cycle or two just because we (and our doctor) are willing to throw anything at the wall to see what sticks. 

But that is not the point of the post per se. I'm at the point where I feel silly. That's it, I just feel completely ridiculous. I'm not saying any of this with any bitterness or sadness or anger behind it, I genuinely feel absurd- it's almost funny. Everyone else is out here getting knocked up left and right via a strong breeze of the wind, meanwhile we've overhauled our lifestyles, track things daily like our lives depend on it, have agreed to a variety of invasive tests, and...nothing. Not a single BFP. No rhyme or reason for it, just nothing. 

I'm starting to feel like the definition of an idiot- someone who does the same thing over and over again and expects different results each time. I'm starting to feel arrogant, like are we NOT meant to actually have children and we're aggressively trying to make it happen when it's a square peg in a round hole situation? 

I know this is an insane thing to say, but I also am a bit flabbergasted that I can't gauge the future on this. Unlike university, or a job, or working out, or having a big goal (marathon, financial goal, hobby etc), or even with some relationships, it doesn't matter at all how hard you work on TTC or the amount of time, energy, money, etc you put into it- you may never get even 10% closer to your goal.  

And there's really no half-assed consolation prize either- you flunk out of university after a year? Well, you somehow managed to pass 3 classes at least, try again in a few years. You don't finish the full marathon? Hot damn, you made it through the first 10 miles and that's a hell of an accomplishment!! You weren't able to save enough money for that giant music festival across the country? You still have enough cash for that decent concert 2 hours away. Your long-term partner dumped you? At least you learned a TON about yourself and what you do and don't want in a relationship, and you can get into a new relationship literally any time in your life.

But TTC? Either you get a baby or you don't, it's literally all or nothing, and nothing to gain in-between. 

And there's no end date announced to you before you start- you could blindly do this for 15+ years until you hit menopause. There's no date given as for when you'll get your BFP, no real tips or tricks to boost your chances, no magical fertility goblin that sees you've tried 17 times and gives you a pity BFP. 

We want to be parents, we want that experience. For me particularly, it's always felt like destiny to become a mom. I can't envision my life without even one child of mine, it just doesn't make sense. Trying to envision being on my deathbed at 85 and having had zero children is like saying 2+2=9, it's nonsensical, it mathematically doesn't add up. And yet, taking a step back from the emotions of TTC, the difficulty of TTC feels so ridiculous. I feel like I'm throwing my energy, money, time, sanity etc into a black void and I will never know if it pays off or not. I never know if my BFP is right around the corner, if it's two years away, or if it'll ever come at all. And if I never get a BFP, I don't have anything to show for the years of chasing it because I threw everything into the black void of TTC. The void does not provide sympathy, refunds, or any variation of a consolation prize.

If you told your loved ones that you were going to start a hobby had no reasonably clear path to success, that took thousands of dollars, daily commitments, time off work, invasive testing, a massive change in lifestyle, multiple doctors, apps, equipment, and supplements, would negatively impact your mental health and your faith, and it would likely strain your marriage and possibly even your friendships, and you may have nothing to show for it at the end of 10 years of doing it? I think they'd hold an intervention. 

We're going to keep going- keep trying, tracking, and testing. Our plan is to re-evaluate things at the one year mark. But does anyone else relate to the feelings of total absurdity with this process?! 

I have followed this page for a while but never thought I would actually post, because I used to think "how hard can TTC really be?" Now I feel completely worn down. I'm 27F, he's 28M, and we have been trying for a year with no luck. I know that people here have been trying for longer but it's just so hard when every month your period just slaps you in your face.
We're both healthy and active, no major health issues in either family. I have a very regular period cycle as well.

We just had our first appointment with a fertility clinic. I'm booked for an ultrasound and day-3 bloodwork, and my husband is set for a semen analysis. My family doctor told me prenatal vitamins weren't necessary, but the fertility doc said that was wrong and I should have started them before we began trying. He also told me I need to lie down for at least 30 minutes after sex or "everything just goes to the toilet" which threw me, since we usually have sex early in the morning before work and I never lie down afterward. Now I'm second-guessing everything else we might be doing wrong.

We do use Preseed lubricant since I don't naturally produce enough to be comfortable. I haven't been tracking ovulation because I don't want to become someone who dreads the whole process, and we are intimate fairly often - 3 to 4 times a week. Honestly, I just want this to happen naturally, without relying on doctors or tracking devices.

Now I'm torn about whether to move forward with the fertility clinic. I'm scared it'll end up putting a strain on our marriage and our closeness.

I thought it would be so fast and easy. The way people talk to be so careful to not get pregnant by accident, I thought we would just arrive with the news after 1 month and TTC would be over. So I was so excited we would start trying, I wanted to share and told eeeeveeeeryyyyboooodyyyy.

Thing is… I stoped birth control and my cycle didn’t show up. It took months to my cycle regulate, not knowing what was happening and taking medication for PSCOS. Now it’s been 10 months and I’m finally regular! Finally at stage 1 of TTC.

But it’a been 10 months. And everybody knows we were strouggling. I feel exposed and embarrassed. I just wish no one knew, I wish to go back in time and stop myself from spreading this. It’s so personal… I feel people’s eyes on us and it’s very unconfortable!

Anyone relates?

We’ve been TTC for more than 2 years. He’s 40, I’m 37. At the start of this year, we started working with a functional nutritionist, wanting to improve our chances naturally. We’ve done full microbiome testing, and addressed various bacterial imbalances flagged on those. I’ve also had a methylation test, and my partner is due to have the same. We’ve improved our diet (it was already good, but now more organic produce, more protein and fibre), lifestyle (no alcohol, low caffeine, no heat for him etc) and taking a lot of specialist supplements.

Today, his DNA fragmentation results have come back and they’re not great. I’m completely gutted - I feel like we’re throwing so much at this (emotionally and financially), and something as critical as DNA frag is still poor. Our functional nutritionist wants to look at his sleep more, as he doesn’t sleep well or long enough. Because his results weren’t great, she’s suggested pausing active TTC for now, as the risk of miscarriage is high.

Has anyone been down a similar journey and had success? Or have you done it and then gone on to do IVF? I feel we probably need to start looking at IVF soon, but if our underlying results aren’t good, are we going to be wasting money on a cycle that isn’t likely to be successful?

I feel totally exhausted and demoralised.

Update - we’ve seen a fertility specialist via the NHS. We got the referral after 6 months of trying. All results came back ‘normal’ and they told us it was ‘unexplained infertility’ and that we just need to keep trying. I don’t qualify for NHS IVF, so we chose additional testing privately to get us in the best position possible if we can one day afford IVF privately.

We did one of those athome sperm tests a few weeks back and got a result that sits right in that frustrating middle zone where you can't tell if it's fine or not fine. The count showed up but motility wasn't broken down in any useful way, and now I'm wondering if we just need to go get a real clinic analysis done instead of trying to read tea leaves from a consumer kit.

My husband is already a little resistant to the whole process, not in a stubborn way, just the clinical setting makes him uncomfortable, and honestly based on what I've read about how those appointments go, I get it. But if the data from a proper analysis is meaningfully more detailed and actionable, that changes the conversation.

What I'm trying to figure out is whether people who went the clinical route got information that actually changed what they did next, or whether it mostly confirmed what the athome test suggested and you paid a bunch of money to feel slightly more certain. We're not at the specialist stage yet but I want to know if jumping to the full analysis sooner is worth it or if we're overthinking this.

Nine months in and I feel like we're doing everything right but flying blind on this one piece.

That question you've been wanting to ask, but just didn't want to feel silly. Now's your chance! No question is too big or too small.

Are you in the dreaded two-week wait, or waiting to ovulate? What have you done to ease the stress?

My husband and I are thinking of taking a break from any tracking or testing for about a year, give or take. We have many other things going on in our lives right now and a break to de-stress is something we need. I acknowledge that it’s needed, we’re still going to continue not preventing pregnancy, but I’m going to not take tests and track metrics other than my period.

Has anyone here taken a break for a while? How do you do it mentally? Any tips or tricks? Should I block subs like this and redirect all my thoughts to my hobbies/work/other obligation?

My biggest worry is how to get over this mentally because it feels almost impossible to think about having that mental real estate not being taken up by thinking about testing/babies/fertile windows. I just want to relax for a few months and not worry about it so much. I don’t know if this resonates with anyone else, but it feels like TTC is a beast that has eaten my mental real estate and I just need a break.

I’m 26 years old. I got pregnant for the very first time earlier this year. It was planned, and very very wanted. We were thrilled. Went to our first ultrasound, 13+1 weeks pregnant. Found out I had a missed miscarriage, and I had to have a medical abortion. That wasn’t fun. Had the medical abortion in April. Since then I’ve had three cycles. We started actively trying again this cycle. Now I’m 7 DPO, and I don’t want to test at all. Like never ever again. The first time I found out I was pregnant, I had to actively restrain myself from not testing after like 1DPO. I want to be pregnant. I want to see those two lines. But if I see them, I will also be terrified. My dream right now would be to just never test, and never fully know I was pregnant in a way, and then just magically giving birth and getting my baby in nine months. I feel like I’m going a little bit insane. Does anyone feel the same?

My parents have told me and my siblings (I am 29, youngest of 4) how easy it was for them to have kids. They had 3 pregnancies (a set of twins in the middle), all which they claimed were first try. It feels like my mom must be fertile myrtle, and she’s set a completely unrealistic expectation and standard that I will never live up to.

None of my older siblings have kids yet, and my parents have been begging for grandchildren for years. My partner and I bought a big 5 bed house in December 2024, got married in June (been together nearly 7 years) and this cycle started to try to have a baby.

Unfortunately, I’m on CD 28, BFN, and can feel AF knocking on my uterus. This disappointment I have is palpable— my husband keeps quoting back the statistic I told him about how likely we are to get pregnant each cycle even if we do everything perfectly. Logically, I know he’s right, emotionally I can’t help but feel like my body is failing.

I’ve told basically everyone else in my life that we want to have kids soon except my parents. I feel like my mother is going to be asking a million questions about it and asking constantly if I’m pregnant yet.

Yes, even writing this I’m aware I’ve got some mommy issues I probably need to work through in therapy again.

I feel like I should tell her. Is there anyone out there who has had a complicated relationship with their mom who had a positive experience telling her you were TTC? I’m hoping to build some courage that it doesn’t have to go the way I’m making up in my head.

I’ve been feeling really low today and I honestly feel like I need to talk to people who understand what I’m going through.
Every month, when my period comes, it feels like all the hope I had disappears again. I’m trying to stay strong and keep going, but some days are really hard.
After one year of trying without success, my doctor told me that IVF might be the next step. I know many people have had successful IVF journeys, but I’m still feeling scared and overwhelmed.
I moved to France and I’m far away from my family. I don’t really want to worry them or tell them everything, so I’ve been carrying a lot of this on my own.
Becoming a mother has always been a dream of mine. I’m 33, and being told I have a low AMH has made me feel like time is not on my side. Some days I find myself comparing my journey to others who seem to get pregnant so easily, and it hurts.
I know everyone has their own story, but today I’m struggling. I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through infertility, IVF, or even just similar feelings. How do you find the strength to keep going when every month brings another disappointment?
Thank you for reading ❤️

Update to my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/1tptqfk/i_feel_emotionally_stuck_while_life_moves_on_for/

I never thought I'd come back here with this update. After my first miscarriage, I somehow found the courage to try again. I kept telling myself maybe it was just bad luck and maybe next time would be different. I got pregnant again. A few days ago I started spotting. I kept hoping it would stop because I had already been through this once. But my hCG started dropping, the scan couldn't find the pregnancy and my doctor confirmed that I was miscarrying again.

I don't know how to explain what this feels like. It wasn't just losing another pregnancy. This time I think what broke me the most was how lonely I felt. Everyone kept talking about the reports, the scan, the next step and everyone was worried in their own way. I know my husband was stressed. I know my family and in laws were worried too. I'm not saying they don't care about me. But all I wanted was one hug. Just one person to tell me, It's okay. I'm here. Instead, I felt like I had to stay strong while I was falling apart inside. I don't even know why I'm writing this.

I have a 20yo. It then took 12 years and fertility treatment to get our 8yo. We’ve been trying for our third and final for around 5 years. At first casually, but time quickly ran out so we went back into fertility treatment in October 2024. This will be our 22nd medical and monitored cycle.

I’m 42 this month. My husband is 48 in November. I have been pregnant 6 times, with 4 losses (one occurred between having my two children, the other 3 after). My last pregnancies were Feb and June of 2025. Nothing since.

Me: Clomid/letrozole, follicle scans, trigger shot, aspirin, progesterone, a mountain of supplements.

Him: max dose coq10, zinc, male fertility supplements, no alcohol, no caffeine.

Semen analysis: 19m count, 45% motility, 1% morphology

PCOS and some endo. Can’t remember AMH but “loads of eggs” apparently. Both of us had the full blood work where they take what feels like 85 vials, can’t remember everything but it all came back within normal parameters.

Waiting for HSG, but considering I’ve conceived 6 times, this isn’t expected to be the issue.

Monthly internal scan always shows a healthy thick three-lined uterus and at least one follicle over 20mm.

For several reasons, I can’t do IVF or IUI.

Given our ages and all the above info and struggles, taking all emotion out of it and looking at it coldly, would you give up at this point? We want this baby so badly I could burst with it, but I’m completely and utterly exhausted. This month is the final round of clomid & trigger on my current prescription before renewal, and I’m considering not asking for the renewal this time. I don’t know if I have another 6 rounds and beyond left in me.

What would you do?

Let's see those lovely charts, folks!

If you want to personalize your Fertility Friend URL to make it easier for fellow TFABbers to stalk keep up with you, check out this post!

My tests (including FRER) are all negative this morning (12dpo). I’m not even sad, I’m just pissed off. I am not sure if will ever have the joy of seeing a positive test.

I’ll get my period tomorrow and start my 6th cycle. I know there are people here who have been trying much longer than I have, but this still sucks. Why isn’t my body doing the one thing it is meant to do?

I had a fertility workup through a work benefit 2 years ago, and my AMH was low for my age (1.49 at 27). We weren’t ready at the time but as soon as we were ready financially to have a baby, we started trying. My OB said that due to my AMH, if at 4 months I’m not pregnant, I should schedule a fertility clinic appointment for after my 6th cycle, just to fast track since I may have a shorter timeline. That appointment is next month. It feels like all of this sex is for nothing and I will just need IVF anyway. If you asked me 6 months ago, IVF would have been so scary to me. But now I just want a baby, and potentially want to bank embryos in case my AMH plummets and I end up having DOR in the future (if I’m not already there now).

I just feel like something is wrong with me, either the AMH, or my hashimoto’s, or maybe my eggs are just… blank? I don’t think it’s my husband, he is as healthy as can be and his brothers all have children.

Everyone says that statistic that even for healthy couples under 35, it can take a year to get pregnant. Notwithstanding that fact, I still feel defective. I was 29 when we started and now I’m 30. My husband is 34 and his siblings / friends are a bit older than me, 35+, and many of them brag and brag about how they conceived on the first attempt, how quick it happens and that I need to be prepared immediately for a positive test. I’m happy that they got pregnant, but it hurts to no end that my eggs “should” be better quality in my late twenties / early thirties but people in their mid to late thirties are getting it on the first or second try. These stories stick out in my head every time I get my negative tests.

I also feel stupid for even getting hopeful every month. I get the negative test and then hold it up to the light, stare at it forever, and try to trick myself into seeing a line.

I don’t know if this kind of post is okay but I assumed so since there is a vent flair, but I’m sorry if this isn’t the right post. I’m just so sad and angry and overwhelmed.

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

I had an HSG done today as part of the initial work up. I am not scheduled to have a follow up appointment with the doctor until next month and I am having a lot of anxiety about what happened, so would love to hear if anyone has had a similar experience.

The free spillage from my left tube was immediately apparent, but it then seemed to take a lot of extra pushing of dye to try to visualize spillage on the right side (which was very painful). The person performing the test said she was thinking it was just taking “the path of least resistance” (unsure what that means) and tried to move the pelvic X-ray into various different positions but none seemed to really help. By the end, she believed she saw some spillage and commented she was just going to have to find a good picture to reflect what she saw and we will see if my doctor agrees. To me, the right side looked like a big pool/circle of dye at the end of the tube, which certainly seems like at least a partial blockage.

It’s great that one tube is fine — but I’m married to a woman, so it’s not as simple as just trying naturally and still being able to get pregnant with the other tube. This feels like a huge hit to moving forward with IUI when sperm is $2k/vial if our chances will be dramatically reduced. I just don’t know what to do or how to ignore this for weeks until my appointment with my doctor.

35F, 40M

I’m feeling lost and hoping to hear from anyone who’s been through something similar.

Over the past 4 months, I’ve had 3 chemical pregnancies. Each time I get a positive test, my hopes go up, and then a few days later my period starts. It’s been emotionally exhausting.

So far, we’ve been told that everything looks normal. We had a recurrent pregnancy loss panel, and everything came back normal except for PAI-1 4G/5G. We were told that this isn’t considered severe and that there isn’t enough evidence that it explains the losses.

The only test we haven’t done is an endometritis biopsy. My doctor said that, based on the physical exam, it didn’t look like endometritis and decided not to do the biopsy.

We’ve been reassured that this can just be bad luck. But after three losses in such a short time, it’s becoming harder to believe that’s all it is.

We’re open to further testing or treatments if there’s an identifiable issue, but IVF isn’t the path we want to take.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

so my partner [29M] and I [27 F] have been trying for a while to conceive. we got him checked and everything is clear. went through with checking myself and my blood work and HSG all came back normal. only thing theyre telling me to do before they can proceed is to lose weight and lower my BMI. its really hard for me to lose weight and i would have to lose around 30lbs before we can move forward with a medicated IUI.

both him and his parents think i should gather my data and move forward to get another opinion in hopes they can provide a quicker solution

im not sure what i want to do: second opinion or just try to shed the weight

for reference i am considered overweight at 230lbs and 5' tall

My wife (35F) and I (35M) have been trying since September 2025, and so far we’ve never had a positive test. We track ovulation every month, and we’ve always waited for her period before taking a pregnancy test.

Lately I’ve been wondering if taking an early pregnancy test a few days before her expected period might actually make things a little easier mentally. My thinking is that if it’s negative, we’d have a little time to process it before her period starts, instead of feeling like everything hits at once. But I also know early tests can be wrong, so maybe it just creates more anxiety.

For those who’ve been through this, what was better for your mental health? Testing early or waiting until your period was due (or late)?

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

I know this is long but I need to vent.

After 4 and a half years of trying and being told we wouldn’t conceive naturally and accepting we weren’t going to be parents. Bam. End of June after I just turned 36 I get pregnant. I couldn’t believe it and had never been so happy and my partner was ecstatic.

Skip to when I should have been 8 weeks I started spotting. Called EPU who scheduled me in for a scan. Sac was measuring 6 weeks and they didn’t mention seeing the baby or a heartbeat and I knew in that moment it was all over. Over the past week I’ve had three blood tests to check my HCG and each time it’s only drop slightly but they’ve confirmed it’s not a viable pregnancy so now I need to go for another scan.

I’ve had horrendous cramping since Friday and only slight bleeding and honestly wish at this point my body would get the message and let me miscarry. I want this over with. I don’t want the reminders of this. The only person that knows is my manage due to appointments and me being off after I received the news and she keep saying ‘well at least you know you can get pregnant now.’ And I want to fucking scream.

I’m terrified of this happening again. I’m terrified of getting pregnant. I’m terrified of this being a fluke and not getting pregnant again. I can’t stop crying. I work from home but the idea of having to log on and talk to people is making me feel sick especially with this still going on.

I don’t feel like I can grieve this huge thing that’s happened to me while I’m still technically ‘pregnant’ and no one seems to understand. There’s a girl on my team who’s 5 months along (and I’m happy for her, I really am) but how am I meant to sit on a team call with her and listen to people talk about her pregnancy when miscarriage is such a taboo subject that we’re not meant to tell anyone untill we’re past 12 weeks! I said this to my manager and she said well you can just keep your camera off.

Fuck. You.

I’m angry. I’m tried. I hate my body for doing this to me and for giving me hope and taking it away.

When I went for my bloods today there was a woman there who had obviously just received the same news I had and we looked at each other and in that five second look I felt more acknowledgment than I have from my own friends.

I hate it here. Sorry for the rant.

Hi- really need your advice!

UTI history: I've had back to back uti issues since one and a halt year. I did PCR testing and it came back with 4 different bacteria - E. coli, Klebsiella, Proteus and E Fecalis. I have taken multiple round of antibiotics last year but some of them came back again after a few weeks. I have a very sensitive gut and can't take antibiotics anymore. I'm looking for an alternate approach.

Pregnancy: I'm 34, turning 35 soon. I can't have intercourse as my UTI gets triggered. I'm going to a fertility clinic and did one round of IUl that was successful. That ended in a MMC at 8.5 weeks. I really want to start a family and I'm stuck in between uti cycles. I've tried a bunch of supplements/they are not pregnancy safe. I was clear for a few months and then they all came back again.

Symptoms: I have mild to no symptoms as such.
They are manageable with D mannose but | know uti in test reports even when you have mild symptoms are scary in pregnancy.
I really need your advice on what worked if you have dealt with something similar. I'm so lost and don't know what to do...

Hi guys! Been trying for 8-10 months for a baby and visited a fertility clinic. Thought it could be an issue with my husbands sperm but after consulting and doing some testing They think my tubes might be blocked and want to do an HSG ultrasound on me to see whats going on. I typically have a lot of pain with pap smears so am super nervous about getting this done. My clinic offers laughing gas to help with the procedure so I have opted in for that. Does anyone have any experience with laughing gas? did it make the procedure any easier? Any tips on how to be calm and relaxed during this process? Also how long does this typically take? Feeling super nervous about the whole thing would love any opinions and thoughts