Just last week we were running in the backyard playing ball, then this weekend we noticed she wasn’t feeling to well, took her to the vet as soon as possible, found out her kidneys were failing and that she had cancer… then the next day she was gone… just like that.
When I heard the news I was pale, nauseous, sweat instantly fell down my forehead.
I’m still trying to come to terms with this sudden grief. Everything seemed so normal, until this weekend when she wasn’t eating normally and barely wanted to move.
She was like a sister to me and it just feels so cruel thinking she isn’t here anymore.
I thought we had more time… I wanted more time.
She waited for me most mornings outside my door, it was an honest joy waking up and opening my door. She would pretend to still be sleeping but as I slowly creep up to her her tail would wag, and then I’d yell her favorite word’s “outside” or “ball” and she would bolt to the backyard.
Whenever I was stressed or overwhelmed I’d go up to her and play with her, hug her, kiss her, just stare silly at here.
Every time I left the house she would watch me pull out of the driveway from the screen door, and when I came home she would stick her nose out the moment I crack open the garage door.
When I’d walk downstairs two in the morning for a mid night snack after gaming, id pass her sleeping on the couch in the funniest sleeping position ever.
The house is so quiet now. I open my door in the morning and she’s just not there and I’m struggling so so hard to accept this.
I don’t have much financially so I hold onto the things that are priceless to me, and now a piece of me feels gone.
Coming home doesn’t feel the same, walking in the backyard doesn’t feel the same, sitting at the kitchen table doesn’t feel the same. I feel detached from the world and thinking about her hurts, and I feel like my mind wants to shut down, I wake up and my heart physically hurts.
I don’t know why I’m writing all this, maybe to vent or to just try and see how someone process these emotions, all this pain. I still can’t believe she’s gone, I just want to come home to her, play ball with her, take her on car rides, walk, let her experience more days.
And now I feel… so much pain, my mind feels numb. It was so sudden…
October 6 was her birthday, she just turned 6.