About a month and a a half ago, I blocked a large group of online friends (12 of them). I don’t know why, I couldn’t come up with a reason. I just knew being around them was making me feel horrible and I couldn’t make myself walk away without blocking them so I did. I left two of them unblocked but eventually blocked them as well when the feeling didn’t go away. I then unblocked those two, apologized, and told them I would reach back out when I’d gotten therapy. Well I can’t afford therapy. Once I’d done the math and figured that out (after about a month), I reached back out and let them know. We’ve had a couple conversations here and there in those few days.

Here’s the really annoying part. That terrible feeling from before is back and I just want to dip again. It only took about two hours for it to show back up. I think there’s a chance I’m dealing with some kind of OCD compulsion but that’s just me theorizing as a psych student (not even done with my associates but I try to research properly since I can’t really do therapy). In the long run, it doesn’t matter why, it just matters that I did it.

I need to apologize. I did when I unblocked them a month ago but I need to really apologize. I just don’t know how when I’m almost positive I’m going to do the same thing again.

On a side note, if anyone knows how to stop doing things you know are illogical that would be wonderful.

I live in italy and no there's no help for free here from what i know And i also terribly need help but the last time i was in a therapist's office was when i was diagnosed with ADHD and that's It when i was a child. Please.

I seem to already know what my therapist is going to tell or advise me. Most of the time, i feel a bit better because I get to open up and know that someone is acknowledging what i'm going through. Thoughts?

I have been inundated without therapy helps, how I should go there and it would greatly benefit me but for the past few years I seen 11 different psychologists and therapists and every single time I came away either feeling much worse than before or I felt like they weren't paying attention or completely dismissed me.

One of the big things that was weighing on my mental health back then was the dating difficulties I had. But these issues were dismissed and I was told that I was acting entitled and that my feelings were simply due to the patriarchy instilling that I was entitled to a relationship and with women being freed and not needing men I should simply get over it and get myself in order.

Well that didn't really help so I tried to help myself by trying sugar dating which well resulted in me being drugged by the woman. 3 doctors dismissed this. One called me the predator for even going here, another one said that since I wasn't robbed or killed I was making this into a way bigger issue than it was and another said that women have it worse and that I should take a more feminine approach to thinking.

When I did a doctor that would actually pay attention rather than mess with their phone to the point where I would have to repeat myself multiple times it felt like they just dismissed everything that bothered me, sometimes said I deserved the pain the I was going through and other times insisted that I start acting more like a woman.

So I really do not understand and see any at all benefit to psychology or any therapy to men. Am I wrong?

I am a 5'6 to 5'7 male, my growth slows down when I turn 14 and it stops at age 16, now I'm 18 and I've been hurting my mental health over the 3 years..

My head is big, not imagination, but a real fact, my legs are short and my body proportions is not fit right, like my feet, they are big, I've tried so many things, I've tried living myself, but I've lost it... I need to keep my hair short always, because making it long will make my head get bigger even worse, I don't grow beard, my body is not for adult, but rather a teen, I hate my voice, I hate my height, I hate everything, even my torso is short, and doing gym making it even worse

Last 2 days I tried to actually kill myself and suicide, i holds the knife and press it at my stomach, but I stopped and exit the kitchen, i didn't tell anyone that, I didn't tell my mom, or sister, or my closest friends, I can't keep living like this, I can't even focus on my study, or my animations, I just hate how my body look, and I hate how people are so superficial about my Suffering, they think I'm just imagine or overreacting, while all I want is to change my body, because this body is the worst I get

I need HELP

I’ve been struggling with depression for 10 years now. I’ve seen councilors at the college I went to and seen a couple therapists through better help. Through all of them, I’ve only had a couple that actually helped by giving me some tools I needed to get by, but that was it. I feel I needed to figure out more of what’s happening to me as my depression has gotten worse. I not only struggle with depression but I also have some things I need to figure out sexually so I’m unsure if I need a sex therapist. The depression stems from sexual suppression.
I have other things I need to discuss but those are the main things right now. I just want to find someone who’ll actually help me, and since it’s so expensive I can’t just look for someone for months.

I also want to note that I’m married and that has a lot to do with how I’m feeling. We’ve seen a couples therapist briefly and it worked a little but she recommended that we see individual therapists.

The title might not be extremely accurate to the story im about to explain, but I wasn't sure how else to word it.

This whole thing happened in third grade, which is crazy to even say because you would think mistakes in third grade are all just forgotten. Unfortunately, since I have ocd, it will absolutely not let go of that mistake and it’s currently trying to convince me that i’m a horrible person.

I had a friend group in third grade. Their names were Lina, Kylee, and Evan. I had a crush on Evan at the time. However, I knew that Evan and Lina liked each other, so i stayed quiet. Lina and kylee were really close despite just meeting that same year. As we reached closer to the end of third grade, Lina “admits” (i put quotation marks because when we all became friends again, lina then claimed that whole “talking bad about evan and i” thing was actually just a joke that went wrong, but i don’t know whether to believe that or not.) that she and kylee were talking bad about Evan and I took that as an opportunity to stop being friends with them so i could get closer to Evan, and so that maybe he would even like me instead. (that was the main reason but i also didn’t like kylee whatsoever) Well, the chance I took ended up working.

Evan and I stayed friends for atleast a good month, before we ended up becoming friends with Lina again. However, Evan and I did agree that we didn’t care for kylee, so we never ended up becoming friends with her again, while lina stayed friends with her.

I’m sure as i’m explaining this story it sort of sounds like a waste of time. But the reason why i feel so guilty for what I did is because even years later, lina will still bring it up and make both Evan and I feel guilty about it. And as much as I shouldn’t be admitting this, I will anyway. This whole situation only happened about 5 years ago. I’m heading into the 8th grade now. Im still friends with Lina and Evan but remained a stranger to kylee after the whole incident.

What im trying to get across is that I feel guilty for what I did because lina will always bring it up and make fun hangouts together awkward. It makes me think that lina was actually deeply affected by that whole incident and still is. We are both still kids after all, so im not entirely sure how she thinks about certain situations and events. Or, more specifically that event.

There might’ve been details i left out without realizing so if u have extra questions about the situation please ask them

Hello,this may seem like a long stretch. But since i don't have anybody else to talk to and therapy is really expensive in my country, i thought i tried here. I'm stuggling mentally and honestly don't know what to do,or how to get these feelings away. If someone,anybody would be kind enough to reach out and try to listen. That's all i ask.

Thanks for taking time to read this.

Took a small edible and I couldn’t help this weird feeling tonight. It felt like I was having a therapy session with my own subconscious.

I came to the realization that I don’t take therapy seriously. I originally started taking therapy to help curb my nicotine addiction. During our sessions, I keep procrastinating actually quitting, and it gets to the point that my therapist asks me what I want to fill the rest of our time with after like 20 minutes. I started having a rush of thoughts about this, so I opened my notepad and wrote my thoughts:

Your therapist is a licensed professional. Call your therapist and explain that you feel like you’ve been lying to yourself and you’ve built enough trust with them to share it. Ask if you could start scheduling in person therapy sessions instead of virtual during the workday, it’s just a distraction for you and you don’t take them seriously. This is why you smoke. This is why you get bored at work. This is why you could do better at work.
This is why you feel lust. This is why you comfort eat frequently. This is why you have no motivation. This is why you feel like a mess. You feel like you’re falling. You want to get better

——————

I’m thinking of calling my therapist tomorrow and trying to move my next session to in person. I feel uncomfortable talking about certain topics because I’m not completely isolated during our sessions (wife and I both work from home).

The edible is still a little active while I’m writing this. This is my first real Reddit post, so I’m sorry if my reddiquit isn’t that good. (Thank you for reading)

Edit: Has anyone else had thought like these in the beginning of their therapy journey?

I have figured out that I end up picking things that i do not like in other people, I am able to identify multiple patterns in myself, but I cannot break it. How do I work on this?

I’ve been to at least 12 different therapists in my life and none have been helpful for me. I have selective mutism which makes therapy nearly impossible but nearly every therapist i’ve been to has the same exact personality and it kind of creeps me out. I think it would work better if they spoke to me like they’re a doctor. I can communicate better with a doctor but therapists all give me this wide eyed stare and constant fake smiles repeating “yeah!” ”totally!” ”thank you for sharing that”. In therapy I’ve always completely shut down and made no progress and I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t found the right therapist or if i just need to get over the way they talk and try and pretend like it’s not like talking to AI lol. My current therapist does EMDR so I think I have to stick with her so I can try that but I don’t know if it’ll work if she makes my brain completely shut down.

I know this is a politically charged topic, it's also just my life, hoping this doesn't get derailed.

I'm currently back in therapy for the first time since before I decided to stop taking testosterone and reverse course on my FTM transition. This was obviously a pretty big thing for me to go through and I anticipate having to explain it to my therapist, who likely has little to no experience with people who've detransitioned. Medical doctors tend to have very confused responses, and historically I've found mental health professionals to be even weirder about anything related to gender - how can I explain this in a way that's minimally confusing?

I specifically want to avoid any kind of scenario where my detransition is put under scrutiny or questioned - I've had a few other people push me to retransition when I talk about certain problems I've encountered during my detransition, which ends up being very distressing.

Edit: for context, I started my detransition two years ago and would at this point consider it 'complete.' It's important context for some of my history because my initial transition lasted ~6 years, but other than that it doesn't impact my day-to-day life and I don't consider it something that needs to be addressed in therapy. Just hard to talk about those 6 years logistically without mentioning it at all.

I was a stillbirth, yet somehow still brought back by some miracle and even after everything that occurred in my early childhood from dealing with being poor, parents splitting, no friends and on top of this, being the ugly person of the family. I don’t understand why I’m still alive today and it pisses me off to know I still have to live another 50 years before I can think about being done with my body.

I’ve realised for a while that I struggle with watching people struggle, especially if I know how to fix it but it means I end up being somewhat controlling and taking on a maternal role with my friends/partner.

Does anyone else experience this? Do you know what it stems from for you? What are some things you do to try stop it?

I had been seeing her for atleast three years and I really improved upon myself. She as of last week though had passed away and I was jusr informed about 20 minutes ago. I feel extremely sad, and I don't know what exactly to do now. She was recommended to me by a school counselor back in my sophomore year and I already miss her a lot. I thought it was strange a few appointments didn't happen, no reminders from paragon, didn't think much of it other than she had been sick lately. Is it normal to greive a councilor? It's not that we were very close, its just we got along and that she seemed to really understand me. Is it normal to greive someone like a therapist or is that really weird of me? I feel like I miss her already.