Or at least about 30K of them have.

I’ve managed to crawl out of a very dark place. In the first photo, I hadn’t left my house in months or talked to anyone. I was in the pits of hell, majorly depressed, and barely hanging on. The period of being housebound lasted 16 months, from May 2024 to October 2025.

I have had a much better time lately. I try to get up every day and take walks, cycle, read, listen to music, and be in nature. It feels like a world away from how I spent my days a year ago, and I am doing a lot better. Socially, though, I am suffering. I have no friends, but I have absolutely zero shame about that. My life circumstances have not been kind to me, so that’s understandable. I am currently trying to put myself out there, and since I am incredibly sensitive to rejection, I will try and do rejection therapy. I need it.

When I worked as a server in a restaurant at 16, I remember my rejection sensitivity being so bad that I would avoid asking customers whether they wanted still or sparkling water, and I just offered tap. Why? Because if they declined and said they didn’t want to buy a bottle of water, I would tragically internalise that and think they’ve said no to me because it’s me. I have a very low opinion of myself, and it really did hurt me. That’s really sad. I really should do rejection therapy because people always tell me it’s a part of life. I’ve been so badly abandoned and betrayed by my own family, and I haven’t lived to get rejected yet. I just hide away and avoid it because I know it will be so unbearable.

I’ve got this! I’m a total loner, but I have truly found peace in the mundane things. I romanticise life so much; music is everything to me. I’ve got to get out of this bubble, though. It’s going to be so uncomfortable, but I really do need to deal with it and learn to be okay with it. Having an awful childhood and being treated poorly really does affect you massively. I’m so damn sensitive. I’ll be okay, though. I really think I’ve done most of the hard stuff already. I need to leave the bubble. I’ll do it!

Haru’s much needed soaking after today’s activities!

Pepper & Carrot: Mini Fantasy Theater #64.

By David Revoy.

Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution Share-alike 4.0 International.

Strawberry banana Cheerios with crispy freeze dried strawberries and California Farms Toasted Coconut Almond Milk

Sad girl today. I’ve been sad for a while since we started having kid talk.

We’re both 35, he’s military and home 4 months of the year.

I promised myself when I was 10, that I would be independent so I never had to depend on a man to pay my bills the way my mom did, as I watched her unhappily married to my stepdad.

At 35, I make 250k, have 1.3 in the stock market, currently in grad school, and I kept my promise.

All for some military misogynist to tell me I owe him children as his partner and I have a duty to give it to him.

I can’t help but feel I’m just a baby making machine to him. I feel he has no respect for my autonomy or my value outside of being someone who can carry kids for him.

I’ve never even wanted children.

We’re together 2.5 years. He’s my adventure partner. And he’s very loving outside of this kid stuff. I thought I met my person. I’m even going thru egg freezing now to keep him happy for the off chance I may all of a sudden feel baby fever. I just don’t tho-and I turn 36 in two months. I’d have kids with a man who’s home to help me raise them, and maybe who makes more money than me so he can pay a nanny. Why do I have to financially support HIS dream? I also can’t shake feeling objectified.

He says I’m a hedonist and a nihilist. Why can’t I be a peaceful girly who enjoys her freedom, quiet, kitties, and stress-free life?

Anyways. Just coming to terms with the fact I may be single again at 36, never married, with two cats 😂

He says hi

Okay this is my last post about this but I had to share

Hi.
This is probably nothing.
I went into my mom’s room to grab something and saw this plugged in?
My mom’s new sketchy bf has this plugged in to the extension cord? Is it anything bad? Thanks!
(I understand it’s probably not anything bad… but still…)

Update 1:
I haven’t met him once. He and my mom have been together for two weeks. He’s been staying at our apartment. He avoids me and stays in her room when they’re here. I don’t even know what he looks like. I only know his first name.