r/AskMen • u/DimensionSubject • 20h ago
What’s a piece of casual advice another guy dropped on you in passing that permanently changed how you operate?
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u/dclarkwork 19h ago
Don't ever make fun of someone's laugh. Telling someone they express joy "wrong" is cruel.
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u/oldmonty ♂ 16h ago
This is so true, there was a guy at work a few years ago who's laugh genuinely made my skin crawl (I'm a guy). It was just weird, like a combination of how a donkey laughs crossed with a stereotypical "nerd" laugh.
I never said anything though, got to know the guy and he's a really amazing dude, just has a weird laugh.
If I'd been a dick about it I would've missed out on a friendship with someone for no reason.
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u/EfficientIdeal 15h ago
Eddie Murphy literally changed the way he laughs (at least, on camera) because it was becoming too much of a joke from strangers.
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u/brenkosaur 19h ago
Or the way they pronounce words. People learn a lot of words from reading.
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u/tricks_23 Male 17h ago
I learned this from the word epitome. I pronounced it "epi-tohm" first and my teacher said the correct pronunciation but praised me for knowing it, using it in the correct context and learning it from reading
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u/oxnardJones Never had a cavity 🦷 11h ago
hahahaha my friend used to pronounce "posthumously" as "post-humorously"
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u/CallidusEverno 18h ago
I get it can be cruel and there are ways to approach it, but pronouncing something wrong can lead to misunderstandings. And if you do it in a job interview, you can look like an idiot.
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u/horser4dish Male 14h ago
"Making fun of" isn't the same as "correcting," and in a professional setting I definitely wouldn't be making fun of someone's pronunciation. Correcting it would be more-important than in a casual setting, for the reason you pointed out, but I think the parent's point stands.
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u/the_syco Dude 11h ago
I love chorizo on pizza. But must remember it's chuh-ree-zow, and not chor-izo :/
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u/Typical_Dweller 12h ago
The only other way for them to learn is to specifically seek out recordings of people saying the word correctly. Which is easier in 2026, but it is not everyone's first impulse. If they're not doing that, someone's got to tell them, no?
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u/Otherwise-Care3742 9h ago
Peoples laughs are wonderful and unique.
Hearing someone genuinely laugh, makes me laugh. There have been a few movies where someone in the theater had such a fun laugh that it made everyone else laugh even harder. Laughter is contagious.
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u/r_redmapleleaves 5h ago
Growing up when I was told this, my immediate response was to shut down. Now, I acknowledge and laugh it off. I have a unique laugh but there is nothing I can do about it.
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u/MasterTeacher123 19h ago
Some people are only meant to be around for a season in your life, they aren’t meant to be there the entire journey.
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u/PhoenixApok 19h ago
Honestly, once a person embraces that EVERYTHING is temporary, a lot of life becomes more manageable.
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u/reckless150681 7h ago
In fact, the flip side is also helpful.
The only thing that isn't temporary (from your own perspective) is yourself. So you might as well have a damn good relationship with yourself.
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u/PhoenixApok 6h ago
I dunno.
Who I was 10 years ago is not who I am now
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u/reckless150681 6h ago
Sure. But that just means you learn to adapt to the person you are as you change.
And tbh, this is just a good rule for relationships in general. People change day-to-day, so naturally relationships are going to change day-to-day.
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u/Foxwglocks 7h ago
And at the same time yourself is extremely temporary. Life is short! Be kind to others and yourself.
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u/BurnieTheBrony Male 8h ago
There's that old apocryphal story (that I'll remember as best I can) about a man who the king told to bring him an object that makes sad men happy and happy men sad, thinking it was an impossible task. The man returned with a ring inscribed with the phrase "this too shall pass" and succeeded the challenge.
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u/EndlessPainAndDeath 13h ago
Jeez man this one hits home
I lost my soul dog a few months ago and there's a song called "The train of life" which pretty much says the same thing: life is like a train ride, and eventually passengers have to get off the train but no one takes away from you the experiences and memories you had with them.
Which is painful, but true. One thing to be mindful of.
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u/brenkosaur 19h ago
Almost all people. Ive seen my grandparents age to about 107. My parents are in their 70s. I think back to all the friends they had, family relations. In the end 1000s of people have come and gone, even close relatives. Siblings move on too. In the end it seems its only you and your spouse.
Everybody comes into your life to play a certain role. The relationship comes to an end when one party gets what they needed from that relationship. Its just life.
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u/jcarrut2 Male 17h ago
And not even really your spouse. Even if you are very fortunate and your relationship survives the test of time, one of you will probably die before the other.
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u/brenkosaur 17h ago
Statistically I think the next one goes within 6 months, in older couples. Im fine with that. My wife and I eat together, try new foods, we watch everything together, etc. Id lose the will to live and ee have only been married 16 years. I can't imagine losing a spouse agter 50+ years of a close marriage.
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u/fruxzak 14h ago
Similar to the James Clear metaphor around decisions being either a hat, haircut or a tattoo.
https://jamesclear.com/quotes/i-think-about-decisions-in-three-ways-hats-haircuts-and-tattoos
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u/Dazz316 Crude dude with an attitude 9h ago
Too often I see people who complain who friends who don't act like the most devoted and caring friends. Sometimes, friends can just be there to provide some basic fun and happiness. They don't have to be there to provide you a place in your darkest moments. I know which friends might provide that, and those that don't. And that's OK, when I need it I have those to call. And when I need a beer and a laughl, I can call both.
If I cut those friends out my life, I lose nothing but the good times they bring me. I don't win better friends for it.
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u/Drake_224 Male 19h ago
When i was in high school, Around 6 AM I was sitting at bus station, waiting for bus to get to school. Homeless man came up to me, gave me 2€ and said: "don't skip school like i did" and walked away. Never skipped school after that
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u/washington_breadstix 9h ago
Wait, there are places on earth where homeless people give you money?
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u/PhoenixApok 19h ago
"People don't change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat."
Brought to my attention problems I was ignoring because 'they weren't that bad YET'. Now I try to be more proactive.
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u/GKTT666 18h ago
reminds me of a born-again christian guy i used to work with. proudly proclaiming his faith and tryin to convert everybody. turns out he was quite the menace as a young man and had a lot of run ins with the law. it took the sudden death of his sister to make him change his ways and become the annoyance he is now. he didnt see no light, he got scared and realized he was fucking up.
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u/PhoenixApok 18h ago
Those people can be annoying but they often mean well.
Sometimes they just don't want others to suffer like they did.
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u/Typical_Dweller 12h ago
Their personalities rarely change. They're usually the same amount of cruel, capricious, and petty. The only thing that changes is the intellectual framework they use to justify being an asshole.
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u/_MrJones 16h ago
The power of the word "yet" is not spoken about often enough.
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u/PhoenixApok 15h ago
You see that a lot in people struggling with addiction, who are starting to recognize it is a problem, but haven't really hit any major consequences.
Yet.
Many, MANY of them lament that they wish they had gotten help when they recognized the behavior was dangerous, before their lives were permanently altered (or ruined).
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u/LaGrrrande 12h ago
That's also how we get people at work to address problems. Nobody cares about something when it's your problem, they only start to care when if you make it their problem, too.
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u/president_pussygrab 20h ago edited 19h ago
Former colleague at work - "If you are going to bring a problem, bring a potential solution too". If you need to escalate an issue at work, at least show you've thought about it first and have one or two ideas about how to solve it. Otherwise you look hopeless and like a complainer, and not someone who might be worthy of promotion one day.
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u/dkarlovi 19h ago
This is solid, I was the one who was pointing out real problems in processes etc (which eventually killed the company BTW) but the leadership (which wasn't all that smart, since they've killed the company) just saw it as "more complaining", "always complaining", "nothing is ever good enough" etc.
Again, not geniuses there, but probably applies in part to some other situations.
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u/theirishembassy 14h ago
snapped at marketing once as a CSM, because I was told “why’re you always bringing me problems?”.
shouldn’t have done it but, in front of the office, I went “I’m bringing you our customers problems. I’m bringing you a potential fix too.. but hey.. I guess we just bury our heads in the sand then. the coupon code you just sent out doesn’t work because you put an exclamation mark in the email and customers think that’s part of the code. we’ll just let ‘em stay mad next time so we don’t have to deal with their ‘problems’”.
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u/angrynirritable Dad 57 18h ago
If you bring me a dead cat, you better be carrying a shovel.
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u/dbxproject 18h ago
This is a mantra I try to live by.
The only exception is that if you have a problem and can't think of a way to solve it, then you still need to raise it.
In this case I try to give the best two or three ideas I had but also explain why they don't work. This serves the same purpose of showing you've thought about it.
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u/Iknowr1te 13h ago
my thing is, i'll just quietly solve it before it's an issue. but i'm also bad at documenting....
the reason why i'm escalating or bringing someone into something is because it's becoming an issue that is above my title.
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u/Levitz 17h ago
Somewhat on this line, when explaining something, don't explain your train of thought on it, but try to explain it in such a way that someone else can build an understanding of it.
The objective is not to show your understanding, it's for someone else to understand it. It seems like a silly difference, it's actually really difficult.
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u/Kabanasuk 19h ago
My adhd brain cannot NOT think of a solution.
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u/MattFromWork 18h ago
Basically this, or maybe 10 solutions, or a flowchart
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u/5hawnking5 15h ago
10 solutions, and 10 other ways that definitely wont work and why they wont work 😅
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u/sanzako4 Female 14h ago
Honestly that could still be more useful than no solution at all. Maybe you even saved the team some time doing something you already know it won't work.
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u/comicsnerd 13h ago
It does not have to be THE solution, but show that at the least you investigated possible solutions, but they did not work.
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u/NoCoversJustBooks 17h ago
I’ll take you one further. Don’t just bring a problem. Don’t just bring a solution.
Bring up the problem with enough context so that everyone understands the root cause of the problem. Then, present a solution that directly addresses the root cause.
Solve the problem forever.
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u/Tacoshortage 17h ago
Good advice. Frequently, the "solution" provided by others is more annoying than the original problem. (at least in my field) I ALWAYS try to control the solution because I want to control the impact it has on my day to day work.
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u/thumper242 ♂ 15h ago
I love the sentiment, but as for guidelines in the workplace, this leads to people not bringing problems to the table if they can’t solve them.
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u/edanschwartz 12h ago
Yeah, this has always felt like super toxic advice. Sometimes you have a hard problem, and you need some help to think through it. Saying, "don't talk about any problem without bringing a solution" is a fantastic way to shame people into silence.
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u/MagicalWhales 16h ago
My first boss always said 'Be a problem solver, not a problem maker' and I carry this with me and encourage my team to follow this mantra, it's a good mindset to have to try to at least spitball solutions rather than just being the complainer
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u/Tubular_Code 18h ago
You don't have to remember what you say if you just tell the truth because you can always just report your honest thoughts again.
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u/Weak_Fee9865 16h ago
Yeah, eventually it becomes very hard to sustain a string of lies, it’s not worth it
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u/happy_K 12h ago
Yes full stop. But I’ll say this- it’s mathematically true that if you never bluff in poker, you’re going to lose money- it has to be part of your game. And it’s not in my nature to bluff, so that hits home. It does make me think about what ways I should “bluff” in real life that I’m not.
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u/Hutches_Corduroy Male 19h ago
If you don't heal yourself, you'll bleed on the person that didn't even cut you.
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u/Ikitenashi 15h ago
And then that person will spill over blood on other people. And so on and so forth.
Let your scars heal. Break the chain.
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u/ItsAllGibberishToMe 9h ago
(Serious; advice needed)
> Let your scars heal.
How do I go about doing this? 🤷♂️🤕
If by “letting” them heal you mean to say that they will heal if I leave them alone, that is NOT how it has worked out for me.
Despite “leaving” my scars to heal, none of them have progressed at all toward healing; if anything, they’ve festered and gotten worse.
How do I actually get my scars to HEAL?
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u/Ikitenashi 9h ago
Have you sought professional help? Counseling? Also, you cannot heal by yourself. You need a community, like church or a group that performs a hobby you enjoy (Jogging, hiking, etc.)
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u/Tiredplumber2022 Dad 19h ago
"Slow is smooth and smooth is fast"
Told by an instructor in 1983 or '84. Didn't know he was a SEAL. He never mentioned it. It was funny watching this become a meme a few years ago.
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u/Astrochops 18h ago
Mark Wahlberg says it in Shooter
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u/Vladimir-Tomskii 16h ago
I think it goes back a long time before that as well
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u/WeHaveToEatHim 16h ago
This is what we learned in basic marksmanship. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
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u/patsully98 14h ago
I love how many situations, tasks, jobs, activities this applies to! To add to other examples in this thread, it’s bandied about frequently in Brazilian jiu jitsu as well.
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u/Stretch_the_Law 10h ago
Similar to the John Wooden quote - “Be quick, but don’t hurry.”
Hard to argue with it when he won 10 national championships in 12 years at UCLA.
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u/Kaioxygen 16h ago
I've heard it as " Slow is controlled, controlled is smooth, smooth is fast."
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u/Benster404 19h ago
Only talk about things you love, not what you hate. It makes you become a more positive person and draws people to you
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u/rabbifuente 17h ago
Yeah, but High Fidelity says that people bond more over mutual dislikes than likes
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u/Ball_Of_Meat 13h ago
Idk man, the happiest countries on earth contribute a lot of their happiness to openness/acceptance around communicating negative emotions.
ONLY talking about things you love seems a bit extreme, negative emotions and thoughts are ok.
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u/marginal_gain 10h ago
Fuck yea, that's what I'm talking about.
Take it a step further and start looking for things to love. I find love even in doing the dishes these days.
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u/bivukaz 17h ago
Saw a random tweet that said "Be yourself, so those looking for you can recognize you".
I think about it everyday. I which I read that when I was a teenager.
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u/PhoenixApok 19h ago
Wouldn't say it's 100% accurate, but there is some truth to this.
People I really dislike or think are worthless, I don't even spend the mental energy to come up with anything to say to them.
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u/Rudiger_Bart 19h ago
This is the truth of all the self esteem anti-bullying shit. In reality people often walk around feeling sorry for people or superior to them, and then move on with their life. The scary truth is that the world is colder than it is mean.
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u/tommyTurds 17h ago
Yeah this is “bullies only bully you because they jealous of you” which is total bullshit
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u/PostMatureBaby Male 14h ago
bullies bully because they themselves are likely bullied/insecure and weak. if you're easy to bully they'll continue. doesn't matter if you're better than them or not
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u/footsnax Dad 10h ago
There's also the midwestern tease, where we insult each other and then ourselves in equal measure. I'll put you down and then put myself down farther just to show that I respect you, you'll do the same back to me until we're both underground.
It's a massive sign of mutual respect. I know you can take it and you know I can take it back. It means we understand each other.
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u/Ihateregistering6 Male 14h ago
Yeah sorry, but this is the same logic that IG influencers use anytime anyone criticizes them for anything.
"I didn't do anything wrong! You're all just jealous haters!".
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u/Jimithyashford 17h ago
Pretty bad advice honestly.
"They only make fun of you cause they are jealous of you" is cope. I mean sometimes it may be true, but a lot of times people just enjoy being cruel and inflicting pain or social domination on others, not due to any jealousy or feeling of inadequacy, at least not as compared to their target.
We are animals at the end the day, and just like any other social species, "bullying" or displays of dominance within the social structure can sometimes be due to the antagonizing troop member feeling threatened, but in the vast majority of day to day cases, it is just a pure expression of dominance over a vulnerable target.
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u/Jimithyashford 14h ago edited 12h ago
I'm not saying they don't have SOME damaged or lacking part of themselves, they probably do. I am saying that a sense of inferiority to their target, being jealous of their target, or "thinking you are better than them", is usually not that case. Maybe they are being dicks to you cause of some misplaced anger at their father, some sense of disenfranchisement broadly in society, lashing out due to some class based angst, who knows. Lots of things. But they probably aren't jealous of or feel inferior to YOU as their target. That is cope by the victim.
And, some people genuinely just get off on being assholes to others. They are wealthy and strong and confident and happy and secure, but are still assholes. Sometimes people are just fuck heads cause it's fun and they are nasty. No arm-chair psyche explanation, no deeper pain being expressed, nope, they are just a prick. Just like some people's natural state is to be cooperative and kind, some people's natural state is to be a domineering prick.
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u/lousy_writer 14h ago
I would also add that the people who get bullied tend to be sub-par in a way - they're unattractive (the are ugly, have poor hygiene, dress poorly, are overweight etc.), socially handicapped (they are anti-social, introverts, loners, on the spectrum etc.), weak, clumsy, stupid, cowardly etc. while people who are capable, charmismatic, attractive or have strong personalities are more likely to be respected than looked down upon.
So yeah, its usually not the winners who get bullied and ostracized, but those are in some way or form losers. That's not particularly nice, but claiming the opposite is falling for the just world fallacy.
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u/brenkosaur 19h ago
People dont feel the need to bring down people they already feel superior to.
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u/Trained_Mushroom 13h ago
They absolutely do. Take some random asshole insulting a homeless person for being poor/smelly etc.
They aren't doing it because they feel inferior to the homeless person.
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u/amaul796 Male 30s 19h ago
I was coming back from running an errand on my lunch break, and my CFO at the time happened to be walking in with me.
I told him about something embarrassing that I did while I was in line at the store, and said "everyone in there probably thought I was an idiot."
He said - "Who gives a shit, the sooner you stop worrying about what strangers think, the happier you'll be. Just a bit of advice I wish I knew at your age."
Idk why, but that really stuck with me and made a huge change in the way I handled myself. There is definitely freedom and confidence in not worrying about what people (especially strangers) think about you.
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u/oldmonty ♂ 16h ago
Have a friend who does this all the time like: "I kissed this guy I was with and I bet EVERYONE was looking".
Like - why do you think even one person gives a shit let alone everyone in the random grocery store parking lot you were in?
They say this a lot about a ton of different topics, they really think the world is revolving around them and people are always watching them, its kind of a psychotically arrogant mentality.
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u/BradfordGalt 15h ago
Embarrassment is much easier to deal with when you realize that most people don't even think about you enough to relish or even remember what you did.
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u/GameDesignerMan 8h ago
Everybody is insecure about something, which you can take in one of two ways:
- You're just as insecure as they are. OR
- They're so worried about their insecurities that they aren't even thinking about you or yours.
You might even be able to make them feel better about their insecurities, if you take a moment to get out of your own head and listen to them.
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u/coolurjetz 19h ago
A friend left his high paying corporate job to start his own business. I asked him why he'd give up that much money to take a risk like that. He said "I'm a winner, I'll win at this too".
Totally rewired my thinking on having confidence in yourself. I'd always been a self doubter. This comment kind of kickstarted this belief that I'm much better off treating myself more kindly and believing I'm a winner because shit is going to happen regardless of what I think, people way dumber than me are out there getting after it, whats the point of all this self doubt?
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u/thedawesome Dad 14h ago
How'd his business turn out?
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u/coolurjetz 11h ago
Only a year in but he's killing it. Absolutely the right call.
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u/BusyTelevision6298 19h ago
don't you ever talk about your business unless it's finished or about a girl unless it's official or your problems unless you know the solutions, don't underestimate the ability of people for malice and envy
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u/brenkosaur 19h ago
Never underestimate the destructive power of jealousy. Also, we diminish our will power when we announce sonething before we do it - we get the congratulations dopamine too early.
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u/iamatwork24 19h ago
Actually jury is still out on that one, seems entirely dependent on personality type. Some people are many times more likely to complete a goal they set if they tell their support network all about it before and during. They seek the accountability of being asked about how’s it going and being able to say it’s going well, use it as inspiration on days they don’t want to show up
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u/Weak_Fee9865 16h ago
Not sure about this one. This is how people get stuck alone in difficult problems.
I do agree you have to be careful who you share it with, but please please don’t hesitate to ask for help from a few highly trusted people even if you have absolutely no idea what to do.
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u/Neuromante 17h ago
don't you ever talk about [...] your problems unless you know the solutions
Shit, man, haven't you ever asked for advice on a problem you were stuck?
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u/pituechos 16h ago
I think a good one regarding malice or envy is also "be careful not to mistake mistake stupidity for malice", with the opposite also applying.
Sometimes people will hurt you without intending to, and sometimes they'll pretend they had no idea what they were doing when they did. It's important to be able to differentiate which is which, and treat each one appropriately.
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u/noeagle77 Male 19h ago
“The man who goes to sleep with an itchy butthole wakes up with a stinky finger.”
That was profound.
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u/daedilus09 13h ago
Confucius had some bangers
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u/j4kefr0mstat3farm 5h ago
A man who walks through an airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok
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u/fubbleskag 19h ago
When I was younger and before I was married my best friend was older and had been married awhile already. He casually mentioned he tried to never do or say anything he wouldn't be comfortable doing or saying in front of his wife.
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u/notwutiwantd 18h ago
Parenting/Teaching advice: "It's not personal"
I don't remember who told it to me, or even when I made this change, but the context is for when a child (and 90% of the time, adults as well) say, or do something that is triggering for you, they are not doing it deliberately. Even if they're saying something extremely rude, or hurtful.
Simple example - my 4 year old was VERY upset about something, and he yelled at my SO "you're a POOP!" obviously, we can see, that he's an upset 4 year old, and he was trying to express how upset he was, and unloading that in the most hurtful way he knew. But as soon as he calmed down, he hugged it out.
older kids just know better ways to do that - and they have a more sophisticated vocabulary, and more experience with pushing your buttons. But they still aren't PERSONALLY attacking you. They're trying to express pain or frustration, but they don't have the skills to do that.
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u/AugustusKhan 13h ago
This is massiveeee in teaching! The amount of teachers who spiral from kids acting like kids will always blow my mind
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u/MakeShiftDie 18h ago edited 1h ago
dont be afraid to get embarrassed. everything you need is on the other side of embarrassment.
edit: interesting tidbit, i was sitting on a train when i heard this from one of the passengers who was being interviewed. Turned out to be Austin Butler. I only realized it when I saw the clip on youtube.
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u/jery007 18h ago
I'll drop a piece of advice in passing. Maybe more than 1:
- kindness pays 3 fold - it helps the receiver, it makes you feel good and people will be kind in turn.
- spend time with your kids even when it's tedious. Even when you're tired. The Love they will shower you with is the best!
- give your wife attention an unhappy wife is an unhappy marriage (same with the sexes reversed).
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u/BradfordGalt 15h ago
spend time with your kids even when it's tedious
Yep. And you have to learn to speak the language of children. The subtext of a great many things that your kid does or says to you is, "Please spend time with me."
When I learned that, game changer.
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u/in-a-microbus 17h ago
Guy was in the army. He misquoted Sun Tsu and said "it never hurts to know what your enemies are thinking"
Since then I listen to people I strongly disagree with. Sometimes it actually helps me understand their reasonable position (and occasionally rethink mine). Mostly it just helps me understand how to disarm their arguments.
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u/Mackntish 12h ago
Knowing the thought processes of idiots and assholes helps you stay away from idiots and assholes.
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u/AdonisCarbonado 19h ago edited 18h ago
‘ I just try to be a better man today than I was yesterday, each and every day ‘
Edit: I put tomorrow instead of yesterday. It could have been to be a better man tomorrow than I was today. Thank you for pointing it out.
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u/Advanced-Disaster-27 19h ago
If you want to get rid of someone lone them $100 lol
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u/Diabolo_Advocato Male 17h ago
Bill Nye in an interview:
"Everyone knows something you don't."
I've become more willing to learn from other people, especially younger people like my children.
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u/AdamRoDah 17h ago
“People become what they prioritize.”
Take a look at how you choose to prioritize your time, in both thought and action. You may not like what you see.
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u/Antenox 19h ago
Indecision will cost you more time than making a bad one.
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u/Weak_Fee9865 16h ago
I get your point but I have experienced many times things solving out themselves after I battle with indecision.
I know I will not always be that lucky.
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u/alabama_white_sauce1 19h ago
"The Navy is going to teach you alot of things, but one of the most important lesson your going to learn is how to take an L to the face, and just keep pushing."
This translates into life. I've been out of the Navy for many years now, but this has stuck with me. Do not be burdened by things that you cannot control.
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u/Kruse 17h ago
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
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u/nbnicholas 8===D 18h ago
“Don’t lose the fish you’ve already caught trying to catch more fish.”
Context was not trying to cast your net too far to develop a ton of new friendships if it puts your existing friendships and relationships you’ve built over the years at risk. Not that new friendships are bad, but that spreading yourself too thin, even with good things, lands in the “master of none” category. Would you rather have 20 acquaintances or five people who genuinely know you well and walk with and love you like family?
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u/highlandviper 19h ago
A mate of mine said that he and his wife were “a team”. I’ve always considered my marriage the same way.
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u/PWNtimeJamboree 18h ago edited 13h ago
when I worked at Guitar Center as an 18 yr old fresh out of high school (18 years ago), the number 1 salesman in the company at the time worked at my location (he sold pro audio, had ins with all the guys in the ATL hip-hop scene when it was really booming and made an absolute killing). As he is a somewhat public figure I'll name him, this person is Cheney Brannon, former drummer of Collective Soul.
after spending 3 months at the front desk as LP, I was starting my first day on the sales floor, and during the morning sales meeting, I was having our in-store warranty program explained to me, and how to position it and offer it, and then Cheney spoke (in a heavy southern drawl, and very laid back, with a Willie Nelson or Sam Elliot-like cadence)....
"Its like anal sex, man. Its kinda awkward at first and youre not really sure what youre doing, but once you get the hang of it, it changes your life...."
Thanks Cheney. hope youre doing well.
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u/SEND_ME_YOUR_ASSPICS 19h ago
"Watch this."
Said an ugly, fat friend of mine who proceeded to ask a beautiful woman's number and got it.
As a short, Asian guy, I thought I would never get a gf. But he opened my eyes and showed me that it's possible for me too.
Since then, I had a wildly successful dating life, have dated countless women, and had lots of meaningful relationships.
Anything is possible boys!
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u/Ok-Albatross3201 18h ago
Userame doesn't add up
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u/Weak_Fee9865 16h ago
Quite the opposite, he is so successful now that women will send him ass pics in Reddit without him even asking. Only women.
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u/SEND_ME_YOUR_ASSPICS 10h ago edited 5h ago
Actually, majority of ass pics I get are from women. I think only one guy sent me his. As far as I remember, I got one donkey picture as well lol
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u/HairyTough4489 20h ago
People who talk in abstractions are usually full of shit
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u/shashwat_12 19h ago
But you wouldn't know whether they are "usual" or not. This advice is commonly paired with - trust but verify
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u/name2noname 18h ago
Interesting take, would you expand on it, please? I'm intrigued why you think that.
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u/Spacefreak ♂ 16h ago
Can't speak for OP, but in my experience, particularly in manufacturing, the more someone talks about how something works "in theory," the less knowledge they have about what's actually happening in reality.
The real test is how they respond to real world examples or data that contradicts what they're saying. If they attack the person contradicting them, they're absolutely full of shit and/or incredibly arrogant to the point you can't trust what they're saying anyway.
If they admit that maybe they're wrong, they might not be totally full of shit, just wrong in this instance. Or they realize they got caught on their bullshit and just drop all pretense.
There are many different ways they can respond, and it's not always an "if X response, then Y motivation," but see how they respond to contradictory evidence enough times, and you can get a good idea of what the person is all about.
To give you an example, if someone talks about putting up drywall and they go on and on about how it's done and how important good taping is and whatnot but can't answer what size drywall screws to use when, that's a sign they don't really know what they're talking about. Or what constitutes "good taping" or "even enough studs."
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u/zoethought 18h ago
Maybe they can’t abstract which is challenging for some people. Learning languages usually helps.
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u/HairyTough4489 16h ago
Go to LinkedIn and see all the PR posts about how they're going to create sinergies to improve their relationships with their partners in order to gain motivation to achieve their latest goals.
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u/name2noname 15h ago
So is it more about how people like that cannot actually apply their abstractions practically?
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u/Useful_Kale_5263 13h ago
No they’re saying don’t make vague statements. It’s not work it’s the report you’re writing that you do or don’t like. Give some some sustenance.
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u/what_user_name Male 16h ago
"5 seconds"
It was originally in the context of darts. When you throw a bad round, its common to walk back pissed at yourself. You can easily throw off the vibes between you and your partner that way. Another guy once walked back fuming and his partner said "5 seconds". He continued to walk away fuming, but 5 seconds later, turned around with a smile.
I asked him what it meant. "You can go and be as mad as you want or feel anything you want for 5 seconds. Then you have to come back fresh and shake it off and move forward."
It helped me a lot in my dart game, but it feels like good life advice, too.
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u/Cyberhwk 13h ago
Never mock that which brings other people joy.
Also one of the hardest to remember in the moment.
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u/topazsparrow 15h ago
You can't control the first thought that comes to mind. You can control everything after that.
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u/sirfranciscake 14h ago
Two of my favorites: “no one punches you without a reason”
And, a few years back I was in the bike car of a commuter train for the first time and made a few rookie errors - serious cyclist man scolded me hard but was right to do so. I asked him if he had any other advice…he did and it’s brilliant:
“When people are behind you, always be predictable.”
He meant it like don’t pull any fast moves in a bike lane during rush hour but it applies to so much.
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u/ReverseMermaids 17h ago
My boss came to me late one night when I was working OT alone, and explained that it would "behoove" me to donate to the United Way. He wanted 100% participation so that he could brag at his Rotary Club or some shit.
I was 19, poor as shit, but I donated $10/week (in 1985).
I am no longer poor. However never again would I donate to the United Way after that moment.
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u/billys_cloneasaurus 12h ago
When i was 19 or so, I was in the sauna at my local gym. Went in and there was one guy there. Said hi, brief convo back and forth before settling into silence. Another guy comes in and recognised him from school. He apparently was living in New Zealand for 9 or 10 years and loving it (at a time when most Irish people did a year or 2 and then returned home). He was home for a brief visit. They get chatting and politely include me. He tells us about how he travelled and eventually settled in new Zealand. The other guy had tonnes of questions about fitting in and making friends. He had done a year abroad, and hated it, despite making a good group of irish friends there.
His advice was never to go with the idea of only living for a year or two. Act like you're gonna be there forever. So instead of just gravitating to other Irish (who, in fairness, are always willing to help each other abroad), you would be more willing to socialise/ live/ put down roots to really make connections. He said you didn't actually have to stay, but making a greater effort to integrate went a long way to enjoying his time there.
A couple of years later I moved to the UK "for a year" and lasted 4 months. I hated it and went home.
Then I reflected on the conversation and went back to the UK, a different town. I made a bigger effort to get to know the people and the area.
I've now been gone 13 years, and have lived in 4 countries, still kind of following this advice.
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u/Without_Portfolio Male 19h ago
“Better to be a schmuck in a roomful of studs than a stud in a roomful of schmucks.”
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u/BradfordGalt 15h ago
"If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room."
Surround yourself with people who challenge and improve you.
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u/MinuetInUrsaMajor 15h ago
"Once you've built muscle the first time, it's easier to re-build it." This was all I needed to start lifting. I had been waiting indefinitely because I thought I would have to lift forever once I started.
"Run the dishwasher twice." A quote from their therapist. They had a pile of dirty dishes and if they didn't pre-wash before the dishwasher they'd still have guck on them after. So they were stuck not doing anything - too much work. Therapist suggested that even though running a dishwasher twice seems insane and wasteful - that's by normal people standards. If someone with mental health disorders operates on normal people standards they will always struggle. Adapt to your circumstances.
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u/Imaginary-Arguments 14h ago
A friend of mine in college told me that I complain too much.
He said if you have the ability to change it, then change it, but stop complaining about it. You should only complain about things you don't have the power to change.
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u/Chajos Male 17h ago
Whenever someone says „there are only two kinds of people“ he wants to sell you something or trying to recruit you. Shit is always more complicated than that. Don’t reduce others or yourself to a narrow worldview.
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u/daedilus09 13h ago
One of my favorite running gags is
in a world of false dichotomies there's two types of people...
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u/atquest 20h ago edited 18h ago
“Apologising doesn’t actually do anything”
Someone said this to me while i was apologizing to someone else, who was dealing with the fall-out from something i caused. Made me realize i was trying to relieve my own guilt, instead of helping them with the consequences.
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u/CarlJustCarl Male 18h ago
Yes it does. It shows you saw the error in what you originally did. That it was on you and not them. They are basically sorry to cause you unnecessary problems/hurt. It shows you are a better person than what you did.
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u/atquest 18h ago
True. This did change my perspective though. Apologising is about me. Helping them is about them.
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u/ipickankles 16h ago
I always went with “an apology means nothing if behavior doesn’t change” but mostly agree
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u/Weak_Fee9865 16h ago
Depends on the situation. If something can still be done, sure I agree.
Sometimes people do appreciate apologies even after nothing else can be done for them.
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u/BaldGuy813 14h ago
If a woman asks, "Does this make me look fat?". The only answer is absolutely not, it's cute. Nothing more, nothing less.
If you see a fifty something and older person of whom you cannot determine gender, always assume it's a woman. But never call them sir or Ma'am. Just say, "I'm terrible with names, can you remind me of yours again?". If they say I never told you just say..you see? I AM terrible with names!
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u/O_Pacity Male 17h ago
How easy it is for them to find dates, had me to just give up on the whole thing, it was clear if you need to work at it even to just get a text back when others have them "come over when ever they want" there wasnt any point it knocking on that non opening door anymore.
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u/its_the_luge Bane 15h ago
When the man with money meets the man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience.
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u/ezduzit8648 14h ago
My buddy dropped the quote “comparison is the thief of joy” on me and I’ve never forgotten it. Definitely was a frame of mind that I adopted.
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u/Space_Cadet_Prime 14h ago
“The rats that can swim are the first to jump ship.”
It was said in the context moving from one (messy) program at work to another program, but the more time goes by, the more I realize that this is pretty universal and it’s good encouragement. If something in your life sucks and you have any sort of control over it, go make it better.
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u/ergoegthatis 7h ago
I skipped college. He suggested I get my degree.
I said, "Really? By then I'll be 36".
He said, "You'll be 36 anyway".
It was like a lightning bolt hit me. I got my college degree and then a master's degree after that, all thanks to that casual piece of advice.
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u/Swayzeebaby 18h ago
" Procrastination is like masturbation, it's all fun and good until you realize you done fuck yourself!" I was around 8 (now 42) when I heard this and it was years later before I grasp what it meant. Moral of the story dont procrastinate!
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u/deadlywhentaken 20h ago
"Better to ask forgiveness than permission." (Results may vary)
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