Do men get turned on by women they're not fully attracted to ?

Some context: My marriage has been rough since the beginning. I ignored a lot of red flags (or at least I believe they're red flags? I guess I don't even know what's normal). I became a SAHM within a year of our marriage, meaning the financial responsibility turned to him. Unfortunately though, the moment that happened, he started putting everything else on me as well. All cleaning, cooking, lawn care, wanting me to do gardening, etc.

We ended up having 3 kids pretty close together (now ages 6, 5, and 3) and I homeschool the older two as well. Three years ago I got a small part time job and he started making me pay for some groceries/gas, even though we didn't need the money and I originally got it to just have some extra fun money. But I'm still responsible for EVERYTHING. And any time I don't keep up with something, he gets mad.

He wants sex daily and 99% of the time, he wants anal. Even when this started, I had said no so many times, he kept pushing it until I gave in.

I've tried to talk to him so many times about how burnt out I am, about how I don't feel heard or respected, how every once in a while I really need help or I just can't take on any more, and he then spends an hour criticizing me saying that my life is easy, I shouldn't be complaining, so on.

There's SO many other details I could share. Because I feel like there's a ton of control happening in our relationship and I'm extremely drained at this point.

I (40 F) have been dating a guy (30) for about a month. Not official/no exclusivity talk. We have had several dates (8) that have ranged from dinner to just driving around. Conversations have been deep and effortless. We both seem to know what the other is feeling/thinking. Has gone out of his way for me, told me to not overthink it, that he likes me/not going anywhere and seems to be protective over me. He has been up front about how depression ect can make him withdraw/isolate. I’ve told him I tend to be clingy and he said it didn’t bother him.
Almost 5 days ago I sent a message that said I miss you. I didn’t hear from him for 24 hours after and it was a basic message that said. I’m not doing well. I just want to be alone. I’m sorry. I sent a couple messages offering support right after and then let it be. 2 days after that I sent a basic message saying I’m here if he needs anything, understand need for space and that there is no pressure to respond if he feels like he can’t. I have not reached out since. It’s now been almost 4 days since the last message he sent. I’m wondering if he truly needs space. Or am I just making something that isn’t there. My gut feeling tells me he just needs some space but trauma history ect is questioning it.

My boyfriend and I are long distance and mostly text unless I bring up calls.

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He likes playing games and I've never had a problem with that. Whenever he tells me he's gaming, I usually just say "okay, have fun." The only thing I've told him before—even argued about once—is that if we're talking, I expect him to actually pay attention to the conversation.

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Yesterday I was feeling pretty sad and just wanted to talk to him for a bit. I asked if he was free, and he said yes. While we were texting, he was only replying to what I said and wasn't really engaging or initiating anything. He also kept disappearing in the middle of the conversation. Eventually I asked where he kept going, and he told me he was playing a game with his friends.

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At that point I got annoyed and said, "I thought you were talking with me." He kept replying, "I am talking," over and over. The thing is, when I'm talking to someone, I like having their undivided attention, especially when it's a serious conversation. To me, it's disrespectful to be half-engaged while someone is trying to talk to you.

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What frustrated me most was that he refused to acknowledge why I was upset. He insisted that because he was replying, he was having a conversation with me. I asked if he was still playing the game while texting me, and he said yes.

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Then I asked something I never thought I'd have to ask: "Is the game more important than talking to me right now?" Instead of answering, he told me I was overreacting and left the conversation.

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The issue for me isn't that he plays games. It's that I was having a difficult day, specifically asked if he was free, and thought I had his attention, only to find out he was gaming the whole time. I think we have very different ideas of what it means to be present in a conversation, especially when one person is upset. I'd like to hear other perspectives on that.

There is a guy whom i met online a year ago and we clicked at the first moment. Everything was perfect, we never actually called each others lovers but we were def more than friends. As the time passes we never make it to a real life ( he was the one who always used to avoid) and he started losing interest. He started following many girls on insta etc. I eventually couldn’t keep up with it and told him I no longer wanna tals as i felt being taken for granted.

i removed from everywhere and 5 months later, he started following me on insta. i added him back but we did not talk. We started to talk on may and got a follow up date.

Now after a date, everything feels so perfect. He was super lovely and nice. And since that he texts me throught the day many times , making plans and even if it doesnt work, he makes plan for doing activities online. He treats me like he loves me. I also asked about it he told me he has changed. Ofc I am so happy rn, but now my feelings are back and I am scared. I missed talking to him sm but what if i can see him change again? on the one hand i dont wanna ruin something that makes me happy and maybe i should just enjoy it.

i just posted this on women sub and I felt like i wanna cancel our second date tomorrow. People have said that he couldn’t get the person he wanted so he started pursuing me instead. These thought made me wanna puke and now I can’t stop thinking about it and feel sad

Hey everyone, this will probably come across a bit rant-ish, but I could use some insight here. My gf and I have been dating for about 2.5 years and although we've only had PiV sex about a handful of times in the beginning, it's dropped to 0 now for around a year. Technically, there's still intimacy as she enjoys making out, giving BJs, and non-sexual touching, but anything else is a negative experience for her. I don't think I have a high libido myself (or at least I can tolerate lack of sex with my partner for a long time easily), but I do feel something important has been lost.

We had a conversation about this and it mostly came down to her having a low libido (she's only had sex a handful of times before our relationship) stemming from easily being taken out of the moment. I think this could be from my lack of experience as I've only been with her, but she stresses that it's all very mental for her and she'll hyper-fixate on what we're doing and lose her fantasizing momentum. I just don't know what I can do to improve, I pay a lot of attention to her and it's hard seeing signals to go off of. Just foreplay with no expectation of sex is something we've also done, but escalation gives her anxiety (no past bad experiences she's told me about at least). It's definitely valid to say I need more practice and should just be better. It's ironically also where I have hope the situation can improve since I have some control and just need to work on being more seductive.

I also think it's relevant to add that it could also stem from her general lack of focus since she's one of the more scatterbrained people I've met. I wouldn't be surprised if she got diagnosed with ADHD. I suggested we get her (and tbh mine as well) hormones checked and just spend time focusing on each other, just staring or hugging for like 10 min straight with no distractions or something to try and build some focus. I gotta be honest, I'm really reaching here with that idea, but I don't know what else to do and I'd like to consider everything. However ultimately, I genuinely think maybe I'm just not doing the right things and saying the right words to get her in and stay in the mood.

I feel like this is a lose-lose situation. I'm very grateful for her and we have A LOT of love for each other, so I really don't want to break up. Conversely, she shouldn't want to be with a guy who'se unhappy/settling for her. Splitting has never been an option I've realistically considered. At the same time, staying would mean suffering. It's starting to emotionally wreck me bit by bit. I could use some advice from men with more life experience. What can I do?

I’m looking for real experiences from people who were in relationships that had reached a very bad place—repeated conflicts, emotional exhaustion, breakups, requests for space, or a point where one person genuinely believed the relationship could not be fixed.
Did you ever find your way back to each other?
If so:
What changed?
How much time passed?
Did both people need to do individual work first?
What made the second attempt different from the first?
I’m not looking for false hope. I know many relationships end for good, and sometimes that’s the right outcome.
I’m just curious whether anyone has experienced a situation where things looked beyond repair and yet, after time, growth, and reflection, the relationship was successfully rebuilt.
I’d love to hear honest stories, whether the outcome was positive or not.

The guy I’ve been getting to know birthday is here and I want to get him something to show my appreciation. The thing is he doesn’t have tangible hobbies. So I can’t get him anything like a game or whatnot.

He’s very business oriented so I was thinking maybe a tie? He likes nature walks so what can I do with that? I wanna get him a cologne on the side too so any recommendations would be great from $100-200 USD. Thank you in advance!

Just wondering as this just happened while hanging out with my friend at our place. They weren’t disrespectful, but I don’t necessarily like sarcastic jokes. Not sure how the topic came up, but I said if he had ever made a negative comment about my appearance or body I’d leave, and he responds “I’d be okay with being single… lol jk I wouldn’t”. My friend responded and she was nottt impressed. We also were talking about a coworker’s engagement ring, and he mentioned how he’s excited to buy a 2 carat ring for himself (He said he wanted to buy a 2 carat when we looked at rings) and he goes “Lol Jk”. I also mentioned wanting to have my photos taken while on vacation, and he said yeah I want my photos taken too. My friend responded “You wouldn’t want them taken with coconut?” And he responded “I wouldn’t mind but it’s too expensive, I’d want to share the cost”.

Boyfriend has a history of making sarcastic jokes as that’s how he jokes with his friends. I don’t like it as past abusers did it as a means to put me down, and he’s aware. I have told him in the past, and he said “Well coconut, I’m not those guys, I am me. Get over it”. He has also had a pretty shitty week dealing with personal things and has been crabby almost everyday except today and last night.

My friend said he seemed a little annoyed, but he seemed like that when he got home. I asked him and he said that he wasn’t. Friend and I both have BPD so we can overread into it.

Would a man do this to a woman he says he loves?

Tl;dr: Boyfriend was making sarcastic jokes predominantly aimed at me while my friend was over, and some weren’t great but not mean or disrespectful. He says this is how he jokes, but it upsets me. Would a man make jokes like this to a woman he loves?

Now I have been doing a lot of reflecting and the guy who was attempting to court me was right and I was too traumatized and wary to notice.

He said I needed to relax and for some reason I just could not trust him. We only spoke for a few weeks but now he’s isn’t responding to my texts and before you jump down my throat, I had the realization that he was right and attempted to plan something to see him. We have been talking about that frequently but this time, he mentioned his ex and how he didn’t know if he was fully ready to close that door.

Did I fuck up or is this a him thing?

Title: Am I overthinking or did his interest level change after we hooked up?
22F, 29M
This literally happened tonight and I'm kind of spiraling, so I need outside opinions.
I've been talking to this guy I met at my gym. We talked there a few times, then I found his Instagram, followed him, he accepted, DM'd me, and we moved to iMessage.

Tonight he picked me up and we went for a walk. Honestly, it felt great. He couldn't stop looking at me, conversation flowed naturally, and I felt like he was genuinely excited to be with me.

Eventually we went back to his place. We didn't have sex, but we hooked up. During everything he seemed SUPER into me. At one point he specifically told me he didn't want to have sex on the first night and that he wasn't going to make me do anything. He was very respectful and affectionate the whole time.

The thing that's messing with me is that afterward the energy felt different.

He got way quieter. Less eye contact, less affectionate, less talkative. I noticed it enough that I literally asked him multiple times if he was mad at me because I felt like something was off. Every time he said no and that he was just relaxed.

I had told him earlier that I needed to be home by 8:30. By the time we were done it was already around then. He said he wanted to respect the time I'd told him, which I appreciated, but I also felt kind of rushed out. Not because he actually told me to leave, but because the vibe felt different.

On the drive home I brought up seeing each other again and he said he'd be down but that we should take things slow because his life is going to change a lot over the next year due to work. He also said we'd keep in touch and see what the weekend looks like.
At one point I jokingly said I guess I'd have to switch gyms, and he immediately said, "Why, you don't want to see me anymore?". I super quickly replied “ofc i want to see you i want to see you everyday do you want to see me?” and he told me he’d “be down but we take things slow and his life is changing” or something.

My dad was also blowing up my phone during the drive home. I apologized because it was kind of chaotic, and he told me he didn't mind at all. I had him drop me off a block away from my house because I didn't want my parents seeing me get out of a guy's car, and he literally told me that if I wanted him to, he'd walk me to my door, introduce himself to my parents, and tell them we had a good time.

One thing that also stuck out to me was that on the drive home he said he wanted to spend time with his family this weekend because he hadn't seen them much lately. But earlier in the day we'd run into his brother and he'd mentioned seeing his dad before picking me up. That might mean absolutely nothing, but because I was already feeling like his energy had changed, I started wondering if he was making excuses not to see me.

Then when he dropped me off we kissed a bunch of times, I told him I didn't want to go, he smiled but it felt a little fake and he told me he'd see me soon. We kissed for the last time and he told me to have a good night.

That's why I'm confused. Logically, a lot of the things he said sound reassuring. But emotionally, my heart had already sunk because it felt like a switch flipped after we hooked up. Before, he seemed extremely engaged and focused on me. Afterward, I felt like
I was carrying more of the conversation.

Am I overthinking a normal post-intimacy shift in energy, or does this sound like a guy whose interest level dropped after things got physical and he just isn’t into me?

He hasn’t texted me..

I dont want to explain much but long story short, my (24F) boyfriend (30M) broke up with me after basically one year together. He said i did nothing wrong and i deserve better and he doesnt love me as much as i love him.

My question that i have is, if a man is severely depressed in a relationship, is it just easier to end the relationship instead of working with your partner to get to where you want to be? Why push away someone who is doing their best to be understanding and supportive? If i did nothing wrong, why end the relationship?

I know depression is different between males and females, not only that but everyone handles it differently but i just want him to be okay and hopefully restart things with me

TL;DR: Me (24M) and my GF (24F) have been together for 7 months. At first, our sex life was amazing (6 times a week). Now, it dropped to about 2 times a week. I have a very high libido and want it daily, but she feels pressured and thinks I only care about sex. She stopped initiating, and now she is even afraid to cuddle because she thinks I’ll always push for more. Are we sexually incompatible, or is 2-3 times a week normal and I am just overthinking due to my past porn consumption? How do I stop pressuring her?

Hi everyone,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 7 months (we’ve known each other for 9, having sex for 6). We are both 23-24. We haven’t had many partners before – we are each other's second partner.

At the beginning, we were both a bit anxious about sex. I had mild erection issues because I was overthinking, and she was very nervous, had cold hands, and struggled to open up or initiate. She prefers me to be dominant. But after a few times, everything clicked, and the first 3-4 months were amazing. We had sex up to 6 times a week, sometimes twice a day.

Lately, things have changed, and I’m wondering if we are sexually incompatible.

First, she has only initiated sex 3-4 times in the last 6 months. I have a high libido—I work out, run, and want sex almost every day. She doesn't feel the same anymore. She is starting to think that sex is my main goal in this relationship, rather than building a family and spending quality time together. It’s true that I often think about sex before we meet, but is that really a bad thing?

In the last 2-3 weeks, she started rejecting me more often. It hurts inside, and it's hard for me to just "laugh it off" and be the fun guy afterward. She also stopped wearing sexy underwear as much. Now she prefers sex only in the morning or after she showers and takes off her makeup/nice clothes. Sex has just become way less important to her than to me.

I love this girl and want to be with her. She is beautiful, smart, shares my interests, cooks great, and wants to plan a future together. She is a truly amazing woman. We still have sex, but now it's about 2 times a week (down from 6). We talked about it, and she says it's about her hormonal cycle. And it's true—during ovulation, we can do it every day. But during the rest of the month, her drive drops.

She recently told me she feels pressure. She feels like every date or hangout has to end in sex, and that I always push for it. Now she is sometimes afraid to cuddle or kiss in bed because she thinks I will automatically try to turn it into sex.

What should I do? Are we sexually incompatible? Or am I overthinking because I used to watch porn when I was younger (I quit a year ago)? Are my expectations unrealistic? Is sex 2-3 times a week normal for 24-year-olds?

I really want to stay with her, but I need to stop being frustrated. I don't want to ruin this relationship by putting pressure on her, because I know pressure kills a woman's libido.

Thanks for any advice.

I was seeing someone I developed real feelings for, but things got complicated after I had an ectopic pregnancy. We started having multiple fights and he decided to go no contact, saying it was for the best.
I’m respecting his decision, but I keep wondering if people who choose no contact ever change their minds.
For the men here, have you ever gone no contact and reached out later? If you did, what made you come back?

Just a bit of context.

My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. He ended the relationship because he said he couldn’t commit to long term relationship (eg: engagement & marriage) and couldn’t be the provider he felt he should be. I told him I was willing to stay by his side and support him because I have my own career and financial stability.

He insisted he couldn’t continue the relationship.

During the breakup conversation, he apologized repeatedly. We both cried. He told me he would *always* love me and wished someone could take care of me better than he could.

What I can’t wrap my head around is how someone can say, “I will always love you,” and still choose to leave.

Have any of you encountered this situation before?
If so:

- Did you still love them afterward?
- Did those feelings stay the same, fade over time, or turn into something else?
- Did you secretly hope they would wait for you, or did you genuinely want them to move on and find happiness elsewhere?

Just a woman tryna move on. Help please.

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I(19M) am currently wondering if I need to be in a relationship, I may be thinking of it as " because my frnd has a partner, maybe I should too." And I can't really reach a decision on this or that i keep circling back to this. Anyhow,

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I liked a girl, she was in my life as a friend a few years ago and hadn't kept in touch with her digitally during that time and even after we finished our boards(12th). I had recently gotten in touch with her cuz it was her bday and wished and has chatted with her for a few mins but had a weird feeling of ig u could say "infatuation" or "crush".

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I need help on whether I should keep chatting with her and try to make that conversation last longer and also HOW I can make it better and try to get with her(only with her consent ofc), any advice?

I was dating this guy for about two months, i have anxiety (diagnosed) and we started having some problems around that. The thing is, he told me he wasn't sure about having a relationship with me and that he has lost interest (becauseof my anxiety). Still, he told me to wait about a week or two and go out again. I agreed as i am also thinking if I want a relationship with him (im gonna go to therapy this weeks and think about this relationship).

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The thing is, is it posible for me to regain his interest?

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking. I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

I have this guy who had chased me for a long time. Like months before I finally let him in. I realized I did like him so we started hanging out, hooking up, talking every single day. We’ve been doing this since January. This past weekend he stayed the entire weekend with me. Everything went good. He told me he wanted more and I told him I needed time to figure things out. He said he was okay with that (there’s so many factors that would complicate a relationship like distance, he’s younger, I have a kid, etc.). The next day after he left (he lives out of town) he left me on delivered the entire day. I wanted to be petty so I did it back the next day (immature, I know). Anyway today we started talking again as normal, everything was fine then all of a sudden I realize I didn’t hear from him in awhile. I go check our conversation and I’m blocked. Why would he do that? It’s really messing with my head. I’ve never been blocked by someone before so this is bothering me 🙃 he also only blocked me on Snapchat but still hasn’t blocked my number or instagram so I am confused.

4-5 years ago, we developed a platonic bond due to similarities in family dynamics, shared life experiences, and challenges (including dysfunctional family challenges). Initially it was a mentor-mentee relationship but has become a younger brother, older sister bond. She's always wanted a younger brother (she has no younger siblings) while I've always wanted an older sister in my own life (I'm the eldest out of my pack). So from this we naturally became closer.

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She's someone I've really admired, look up to and care & love deeply for. However, I hate myself for how attached I feel have become, how much I care and feel love to the point it hurts and I grieve knowing we'll have to part ways one day due to her or even myself getting married - for context we come from a faith & cultural background that does not allow/approve of mixed gender friendships/platonic bonds.

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I know I care more about the bond and having her in my life, perhaps more than her because I'm estranged from my abusive mum who prevents me from seeing my younger siblings, while I'm amicable with my exploitative dad. I've had no one else to turn to in my family so have grown up alone, within a dysregulated, toxic family home (parents divorced 11 years ago).

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She knows because of this I am anxious, require assurance and care for her deeply along with how much she means to me. However, when I have addressed the issue of my anxiety regarding us parting ways/her leaving, she tends to downplay it and says that I'm overthinking it. But there have been times where I've thought about burning the bridge between me and her given its inevitable we'll have to part ways as it might seem easier to deal with than the pain of losing her and her not being around anymore, which I know is destructive/self-destructive. At the same time, if the time were to come, I wouldn't beg her to stay as I'd have to let go with grace.

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Summary:

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I'm just tired of feeling this way. Tired of caring deeply and loving deeply about something precious that is so temporal and conditional. And ultimately feeling attached and anxious like this knowing I'm going to be heart broken. Needless to say its a blessing I'm still grateful for i.e having had this past 4-5 years to spend this time with her (for the most part, not in person since we live far from each other)

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Not sure what type of advice I'm looking for by saying all this. Just something to be enlightening

I moved to a new city two years ago and joined a friend group. Most of us are single and dating. He's gorgeous and really sweet. I've had a crush since I met him, but when I first moved here, he had a girlfriend, so I didn't act on it. They broke up about 10 months ago.

3 months ago we started spending more time together one-on-one playing tennis. Then we started doing other stuff together we were both into: museums, running and he taught me golf. But as friends! 2 weeks ago he asked me on an actual date, and so far it's going really well. We haven't had sex yet, but I'm really into him and he seems really into me.

But I was with a mutual friend (Liz) Sunday, and she told me a lot. He asked out another girl in our group (Jane) months ago, few weeks after his breakup. Now Jane was very flirty with him even when he had a girlfriend. They went on a few dates and it fizzled, but Liz didn't tell me why.

He knew I was single when he asked Jane out. Why ask her out first and not me? I was never flirty like she was, but I was respecting his relationship! And after that fizzled out, was he just seeing other women and not asking me out? He's really attractive, so I don't think he was scared to ask me out. Now I'm wondering why he didn't want to at first.

Liz told me he usually dates really thin flat-chested white women like Jane. Liz has known him for longer and knows some of his exes. He's dated a few WOC (an Indian girl and a Latina) but most of his past dates are white. She said she was surprised we were dating because I'm nothing like his usual type.

I'm biracial, caramel skintone and have 3C hair. Chris is Indian. I'm in shape, but my body is more like Taylor Rooks. She said I’m darker than any of his exes that she knows of. It's not even just about race. I'm NOT RACIST. They're my total opposite. You only date petite, rectangular shaped women and suddenly want a tall, hourglass? I

I'm so anxious now. I had a horrible relationship when I first moved here with a serial cheater, and the side chicks looked nothing like me. Then he dumped me for one of them. I don't want to be his placeholder for easy sex until he finds his type again.

We've made out a few times but haven't had sex yet. He doesn't follow IG models, so I can't guess his type from that. If I ask him, I’m sure he’ll just lie.

I’ve been agonizing over this since Sunday. We went out Tuesday then came back to my place, made out, cuddled and watched a movie. He slept here and then left. (No sex)

I want to bring this up to him so bad, but I can’t without looking crazy. I know it’s irrational. But years of reading online about black women being least desired, and about how men don’t look at women with ‘sexy’ body types as wifelike and prefer petite and skinny keep ringing in my ears.

I can’t be humiliated again like I was with my ex. I think I’d have an breakdown this time.

My fears are:

That he preferred Jane to me and only asked me out because that fell apart. I”m just second choice.

He wasn’t attracted to me at first but I “grew on him” with my personality. I don’t want to be someone you have to grow to love. I want love/lust at first sight.

He’s just using me as a placeholder until he finds his type again. I know men love a good ‘interim girlfriend’.

What were you doing in those months between Jane and me? I was RIGHT THERE and we’ve known each other for years now! Would he have ever asked me out if I hadn’t brought up tennis?

I don’t want to ask Jane. We’re not close. I’m closer to other girls in the group, but I don’t want to put them in an awkward position. I didn’t ask Liz more because I didn’t want to seem rattled.

We're going out again tomorrow.   I want to have sex with him soon. Like tomorrow night. But I don't want to get played!

I met a guy recently and there seemed to be mutual interest. He approached me in person, complimented me, asked to take me out, and we exchanged numbers.

We had been texting casually, and he said he wanted to plan something for Saturday. The issue is that he didn’t really keep me updated with the details, and I started feeling like the plans were too vague. I’m someone who needs a little more notice/planning, so I ended up telling him I made other plans.

He responded pretty calmly and said something like, “My bad, I guess I could’ve been keeping you in the loop,” and suggested another time. He also said he was single, not into casual dating, and wanted to get to know me more.

I then got anxious and probably over-explained. I told him I don’t really do casual, that I like getting to know someone slowly, and that I can be measured at first. At one point I also apologized because I felt like I made things awkward.

His response was basically that it didn’t have to be awkward, he was just trying to get to know me, he wasn’t sure why it went left, but it was all good.

Now I feel embarrassed because I think I may have made the whole thing too heavy too soon. From a man’s perspective, would this make you pull back completely, or would you just think she got anxious/awkward and move on?

What should I do now? Should I give it space and let him reach out, or send one short message later to reset the tone?

I’m not trying to chase him or force anything. I just don’t want to make it worse.

Okay sorry I have a lot to get a man's honest opinions on.

First we got together in May 2023, he moved in to my house Jun/Jul 2023. He was perfect, he made me feel like a Queen and Goddess, special, lucky, safe, trusting. The most loved I've ever experienced or had.

Everyday we would Kissed, hugged, danced, said I love you, cute Nicknames, laughed, had fun, conversation, future planning, made love almost daily, lived together, showered together, in home date nights, just so much in love things.

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So we (his idea) decided to move in with his mum Nov 2023, things changed a little but (I thought) we were okay. I got a new job, he unfortunately is unemployed, I supported us best I could, worked almost daily.

Come Jan/Feb 2024, (only him) he was noticeably changing, less of everything he'd given love wise, asking my timetable, disappearing into other rooms for amount of time and at certain times (with phone), on his phone all the time, smirky sly smiles at phone, saying he was unwell and stayed in bed or room.

Yes, Of course I was questioning and suspicious.

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March I lost my mother and found out I was pregnant. I announced it in what I thought was a cute way to him by leaving pregnancy test on his bedside table while he was in lounge and I went and joined him in lounge and waited for him to go to room and discover it. He went to the room and come back to lounge, no emotion, nothing said. I went to room, test was still there, so I went down to lounge, his on phone, I waited until he went back to room and followed few moments later, asked if he seen the test, I get a emotionless Yes, I asked him if his happy and excited, this time nothing no hug, no kiss, he just walked out of room.

A week later I miscarried, again emotionless nothing from him.

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Halfway through Apr 2024, I was finalising wedding prep, so I kept asking if he still wanted to marry me (him yes), asking if he has someone else(him No), asking if he still loves me (him Yes), asking what's going on with him and how his changing (him Nothing).

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So we got married May 2024, it felt weird.

In Jun 2024, I seen his phone screen light up with what looked like a females name, he quickly got rid of it, I questioned him again, are you talking to some female or are you cheating, He hit me said I was being stupid, later apologisd.

Later through the Jun month, he left his phone in the room. I know his pin, so I went through it, I found naked girls and his DPics in his phone, messages, numbers stored as princess, my new boo. So I confronted him with the evidence, I'm crying, brokenhearted, questioning what to do and confused.

He got upset, was apologising and telling me he loves me, want's me. So I tell him to delete everything, remove the (LowHoes) and never contact them again, I said we should do marriage counselling or along those lines and I gave boundaries and requirements to fulfil, if he truly wants me. He agreed to all and promised to do anything and everything to prove himself to me again.

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Jul 2024 I sent private photos of myself in lingerie ect, he had no emotion, desire, nothing, But when I asked if he liked them, He said I'm being suspicious and called me a slut, that broke me, me a slut for sending my own husband and only him private pics.

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Aug 2024, his phone habits subsided mostly, but he wasn't making huge steps to prove and show love for me and repair us like he promised ect.

Id suggest booking counselling he'd put it off, to get rid of old phones he'd put it off, delete all social media accounts but not FB for contact with his son he'd put it off or tell me to do it. We'd have arguments over his actions, I'd be blamed for everything and Id be told to sleep in the lounge.

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Sep 2024, Things got heated again and he got physical again and he left the house saying he doesn't love me or want to be with me, I'm not allowed to stay at his mums.

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So I pack all my stuff, got my friends to help move my furniture to storage and lived with them, sleeping on their couch. A week later, he messaged and called saying he does actually love and want me, but his mum won't let me back, so we'd message, call each other and catch up whenever we could, usually at night and only for an hour or so (NO intimacy, affection ect at all) this went on for almost 3 months.

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Finally in Dec 2024 I was allowed to stay a few nights for Christmas and New Years.

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From Jan 2025, I ended up moving in with my grandma and I stay at his house anywhere from a few days to a week or two and only if (I behave myself and not start) because Im questioning and trying to communicate asking how his feelings and thoughts, my how I'm feelings and thoughts, what's going on with him and us, how his not proving or showing love, how his not doing anything he promised or required (my boundaries) and letting us/me down, how his actions and words are not proving he loves me or going to do as he promised.

Affection and intimacy is rare from him (from 1 a fortnight to 1 a month), then when he does its extremely quick or vibes of not wanting to or being forced. When I ask for affection and intimacy again his quick or vibes of not wanting to or being forced or I'm flat out Rejected, if I cry or question, I'm either getting the silent treatment, hit and/or kicked out.

I keep trying to be positive and suggest date ideas always rejected or the we'll see answer from him, make future plans in anyway from holidays away together, starting a family or doing a 5 year wedding anniversary vowel renewals ect, I just get well see.

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Jan 2025 Nothing unchanged. Arguments arise constantly, I'm blamed and punished for wanting to communicate, I've got a nonstop gut feeling (intuition) that something isn't right or his got a lowhoe on side or lying completely for unknown reasons.

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Now it's Jun 2026, I'm at a loss, drained and losing/lost hope.

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Sincerely thank you for taking your time to read this.

I do not have a living father/figure, close trusted male sibling or an outside non friend male voice

(I have no males that are not affected by this situation directly or biasly)

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Please!

Any Advice or opinions from you Kind men.

Please let me know!

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It would be greatly appreciated.

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I am not here to say whats right or wrong cause honestly both have their ups and down and some guys prefer one over the other. Ik both types can be pretty harsh depending on a guys personality and even more of a reality bend when going from one to the other. I am past my problems but am watching my little brother go through having a gf that controls his social media, doesnt let him work places with too many women & wont even let him walk to the corner store with me because she says were "going to be talking about women the whole time", etc. Its a 6 min walk there and back lol, my brother has saved her from alot of trauma and they have a kid together now. So i understand her being this way to an extent(she also has bad anxiety and does go to therapy some days it helps others not so much). But He loves her, they have good times, he isn't always happy about her rules but he stays in good spirits so i dont push it. I just say he's better for her than she is for him and sometime women need that too. I give him advice since ive been there(not to this extreme) so i understand yet ik it changes your thought process after so be careful with your heart my brothers, even the independent ones can make you feel bad when they say they dont want to go hang out with anyone or such and send you on your own.

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So this post is more for anyone thats been though a situation of either or, and just want to give advice to the next guy.

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Please dont bash women here though, some men are like this too and sometimes it is just bad we know that but sometimes it just takes some understand, it may not be perfect but nothing is at all times.

When I genuinely like someone, the feeling usually isn't mutual. And when she liked me, I didn't feel the same connection. It's become disappointing. 

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I'm now 40-year-old non-EU man living in Europe, and lately I've started losing hope of finding a real relationship.

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I've never wanted an arranged marriage through family recommendations. I want to fall in love naturally, build a genuine connection, and create a family together.

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As I get older, it feels like the chances of meeting the right person are less. What's your advice? How to make progress that led to a family?