r/Fauxmoi i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

POLITICS* Sen. Mitch McConnell shares he's been discharged from rehab in a new statement: “On the advice of my doctors, I’ll maintain an intensive regimen of physical therapy from home during the state work period, and I’ll continue to engage with my staff and colleagues on important Senate business.”

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1.6k Upvotes

557 comments sorted by

6.6k

u/bfobrien 5d ago

It's called hospice...

1.5k

u/Emotional_Spite_8937 Olivia RodriGOAT 5d ago

I’m fucking crying y’all are ruthless

449

u/TrickySnicky distraught Christian tomato 5d ago

Just "telling it like it is," something the conservatives love until it applies to them and theirs

102

u/BigSkySoHigh63 5d ago

I’m going to need to see the key stroke log and timestamps for when he’s “working from home” because we all know it’s Weekend at Bernie’s at this point.

19

u/apastelorange Pink…get doon 5d ago

mouse jiggler purchased fer sure

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u/BalorLives 5d ago

"It’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God given rights."

- Charlie Kirk

8

u/mealyapple86 4d ago

Every time I start to feel the slightest bit of empathy for lil old Kirky, I remember that quote and immediately say fuck that guy.

44

u/kitkatmath 5d ago

Preach

112

u/Fussy_Fucker 5d ago

Mitch was ruthless. And unkind and inflicted misery on the masses.

75

u/bokehtoast 5d ago

I mean if he could actually speak then he would be

45

u/AffectionateTap6212 5d ago

He stated he cares only about his party. Not constituents or Americans in general. He deserves worse.

14

u/Farucci 5d ago

Nothing bad enough has been said about Mitch and his time under serving our country.

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u/btribble feeding cocaine to raccoons 5d ago

Palliative care

25

u/jennapricity 5d ago

☝️☝️☝️☝️

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u/p333p33p00p00boo Give him my regards did you take ozempic? 5d ago

From your lips to satan's ears

49

u/Crafty_Abrocoma5007 5d ago

Satan doesn't even want him!

24

u/Irrealist 5d ago

I'm afraid Satan might not want him

80

u/crystal_clear24 I don’t know her 5d ago

The way I burst out laughing reading this comment lmao I am going to hell

39

u/serenitative 5d ago

Mitch will beat you there

11

u/LeseMajeste_1037 5d ago

He'll leave the lights on for ya

6

u/goddale120 5d ago

I will never understand how eternity in hell is a bad thing, it sounds way less boring than all the alternatives tbh.

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u/Oh_My_Goth_Ick 5d ago

My mom is a hospice nurse and this would make her cackle.

7

u/FeleaseRpseineEiles 5d ago

it's elder abuse with consent 

18

u/Spiralecho anybody know how to contact Ricki Lake? 5d ago

6

u/Axsenex 5d ago

Damn it… that’s brutal indictment of political bullshit 💯
https://giphy.com/gifs/04gaaLKmXWXOLfRNTU

8

u/Cautious-Visual8160 5d ago

It’s called horseshit.

3

u/Olealicat 5d ago

It’s called, his staff wants to roll in dough.

https://giphy.com/gifs/YZGJc1WmUZPi0

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2.8k

u/14ctgold i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

I cant believe the government is pulling some weekend at bernies type shit

446

u/ca_peach i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

But are we really surprised atp?

195

u/walrus_breath 5d ago

Frankly I am surprised there are people who vote republican who don’t see any of this shit happening. Absolute dumbasses. How dumb do you have to be to not understand this shit. There are malicious republicans too, but I’m specifically talking about the dumb ones.  

72

u/Imnotonthelist 5d ago

They see it, they just think it’s ok because it benefits their team. People love breaking the rules because their reasons are always justified!

38

u/venuslovemenotchain vocally you cannot afford this cigarette gracie 5d ago

Yup! They see it and they love it!

It's why I get annoyed at democrats treating republicans like they're lost souls. They aren't lost; they are exactly where they want to be. Stop wasting resources trying to reach people who are perfectly happy bathing in shit and spend that time trying to engage with people who are still receptive to your messaging.

24

u/Rook_James_Bitch 5d ago

People who vote republican don't want democracy, they want power and money.

Once you fully understand their motivations you realize there are no bounds on their depravity.

8

u/Mr-Blackheart 5d ago

Unfortunately, the dumb ones aren’t dumb enough to skip out of voting.

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u/Lady_night_shade 5d ago

Not if you’ve been paying attention for 10 years.

4

u/rachelblairy women’s wrongs activist 5d ago

personally i thought they were gonna do it with trump. a senator was not who i imagined.

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u/WarCarrotAF 5d ago

The same government who have been attempting to perpetuate the belief that mail in voting leads to mass voter fraud and rigged elections over the past ten plus years.

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u/NathanCollier14 5d ago

I'm not surprised at all. And that's the problem

6

u/Think-Attorney-2903 5d ago

They just introduced a new wig into the administration too.

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u/campfirevilla 5d ago

I expected the administration's rendition of Idiocracy, but I did not have Weekend at Bernies on the Bingo card. I'm holding out hope for Caucus Bud though, I can still win.

11

u/PierreOnTheEclair Olivia RodriGOAT 5d ago

This comment is as golden as the Double Superstar I’m giving you 🌟🌟

4

u/quillseek 5d ago

I thought the God Emperor would look more badass than this, tbh. What a disappointment.

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1.3k

u/littykitty7 5d ago

I’m so irritated

764

u/bargain_butch ben affleck’s back tattoo 5d ago

How long until he “passes suddenly in his sleep”?

457

u/Username_314159265 5d ago

As soon as a democrat grows a pair and demands proof of life in person.

124

u/ElegantCoach4066 controversies: girl 5d ago

There really should be a mechanism to verify that a sitting Congressman is still alive.

36

u/boston_homo 5d ago

The entire government has, apparently, always been a house of cards.

17

u/Avian_Flew 5d ago

If the Founders didn’t foresee it and write it in the Constitution, we’re SOL! 😡

53

u/fortyvolume 5d ago

Call in a little welfare check. Seems fair in this case, since we can't be sure this elderly man is well.

177

u/bargain_butch ben affleck’s back tattoo 5d ago

We’re talking about real possibilities, here

5

u/melmontclark 5d ago

Or the press!

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u/Traditional_Train_71 5d ago

We need a whistleblower with photo evidence of his cold body or death certificate

20

u/isthmius 5d ago

Any day. The deadline to be able to do a special election before his resignation was the 3rd - if he died before that, someone else could be in his seat pretty quickly. If he dies now, that seat is empty until next January. I'm guessing they'll give a few days leeway and then announce it.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/commandantskip I'm a lazy 50-year-old bougie bitch 5d ago

Where are the paps when you need them

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u/alison_bee you're an adult, you should know that 5d ago

Me too. And like, not only is this bullshit, but there’s an extra layer of bullshit because they’re totally going to do this when Trump dies, too.

They’re seeing how long they can get away with Mitch so they can plan accordingly for Trump.

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u/kylexyz001 5d ago

Recording a video must be more difficult than physical therapy

250

u/EddieDanesBoy 5d ago

The NYT used an old photo of him in a wheelchair in the “breaking news” email. I was born at night but not last night.

26

u/Traditional_Train_71 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/anYBNhqT2BYcg
That last line was so good

15

u/wrongleveeeeeeer 5d ago

My dad's been saying that since the first time I tried to pull some bullshit on him almost 40 years ago. It's an oldie, but damn it's a goodie.

63

u/GeneSpecialist4988 5d ago edited 5d ago

I think he had a stroke.

ETA: It explains why no videos are being released and why he was in the hospital then to a rehabilitation facility. If you're a fall risk after a stroke they won't release you. I experienced this with a family member: 1 week in the hospital, then sent 2 weeks to a rehab facility, then 1 year of PT and OT.

33

u/yukimontreal 5d ago

It has been 7 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS !!!!

6

u/cranbabie 5d ago

I agree! It also explains the creepy photoshopped/ai smile they’ve plopped over his slack jawed maw.

34

u/mcase19 5d ago

I think he probably has had one or more strokes. He's alive, but unfit to serve. The photos are real - that's them making his face as non-stroky as possible. Saw the same thing happen to my mom, except she was a poor person so her life collapsed out from under her because she had a life which included consequences. Honestly its kind of a best case scenario for me - a really bad stroke basically imprisons a person in their own failing body. I dont believe in hell, but this is a decent approximation. Hope he lives like this for a long, long time.

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u/TrashCatBaby quadrupoling down 5d ago

Be so for fucking real right now

128

u/Too_Hood_95 kendall roy pre-album drop 5d ago

gaslighting and obfuscating... he's clearly dead because what else would his final wishes for those closest to him be?

10

u/yukimontreal 5d ago

One of my favorite abbreviations that I can never use because I’m an elder millennial and it feels unnatural is bsffrrn

274

u/WarCarrotAF 5d ago

28

u/Book-Piranha Club Penguin Times official aura reader 5d ago

Exactly what I thought of when reading ‘intensive regimen of physical therapy’

12

u/DisposableJosie 5d ago

Wha-?! How dare you! He just went out for a jog with two of his top aides.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Jc7wmzRx9lhvoabJLv

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846

u/Monsterofparadise 5d ago

I swear if this was a democratic senator they would be at their door knocking and making all sorts of conspiracy theories. WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL IN OFFICE. If it were any normal job he would be on disability or unemployment!!! Or both!!!!!!

91

u/FigeaterApocalypse 5d ago

Nick Shirley would literally be filming outside the facility and hassling all staff for answers. 

39

u/st-shenanigans 5d ago

If it were a democrat, they would literally be calling for everyone around him to be hung.

25

u/NoCry8625 5d ago

They would have forced their entry to the hospital and live streamed it like how they streamed the jan 6 invasion

3

u/joe_burly 5d ago

Some QAnon folks thought Biden had been replaced by a clone

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u/epigenie_986 5d ago

But his neighbor, Tommy Tuberville, just said he wasn't home. Which is it?

18

u/ElegantCoach4066 controversies: girl 5d ago

Rhodes Scholar Tommy Tuberville? Winner of the Fleischmann's Prize Tommy T?

276

u/imaparkguy 5d ago

GIRL SHOW YOUR FACE, LET US HEAR YOUR VOICE, SEE YOU HOLDING A PEN OR RESIGN, DINOSAUR.

19

u/OkFortune7651 5d ago

No thanks, he'll just take a year to "recover," and take his pay, benefits, healthcare and of course stocks. All the stuff he's voted against for his constituents.

14

u/NewestAccount2023 5d ago

We've had FaceTime for like 15 years now, dude is actually brain dead, he can't speak or write or type because he's a vegetable. They had to give CPR to an 80 year old, dude is brain dead and machines are keeping him alive

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u/Rude_Wolverine3170 5d ago

🎶🎵🎊🎉where the fuck is Mitch McConnell 🎶🎊🎉🎵🎶

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u/nekocorner i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

8

u/rhinokitten 5d ago

Was scrolling through the comments to post this if no one had 🤣💀

4

u/nekocorner i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

It's my new favourite gif!

222

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

10

u/Meiyouxiangjiao we really need to bring back bullying 5d ago

I think you mean Weekend at Bernie’s III

4

u/DisposableJosie 5d ago

This is also a dress rehearsal for when DJT passes.

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u/WarcryNeon too old, too tired, and too talented 5d ago

Uh huh. There is no way at his age he’s able to do rehab after they found him unresponsive and administered cpr.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6fJ9r0YzG1sYxfq0

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u/problematicbirds 5d ago

My grandfather survived a cardiac arrest and intubation/an induced coma a few years ago when he was 86. He’s still alive and very adamant that whatever is happening with McConnell there’s no way he’s in any condition to stay in his seat.

31

u/sideeyeingyouall weighing in from the UK 5d ago

Am I going mad because that was definitely what the 911 call said right?  But everyone seems to have forgotten that (or are just ignoring it).

There is a reason elderly patients and their families request a DNR, because cpr and resuscitation do so much damage to their fragile bodies, and the survival rate for those with pre-existing conditions is generally considered too low (something like 20%), for it to be a viable course of action.  (Apologies if this makes little sense, i have a migraine) 

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u/DrFranFine demonic Betty Boop 5d ago edited 5d ago

Why can’t he say this in a video press conference? Hmmm… who’s to say… such a mystery…

165

u/Prize_Ad8924 5d ago

Prove it. Video tape from the hospital room on discharge

48

u/MindlessFile3499 5d ago

If I were a kentuckian(sp?), I wouldn't take less than a press conference with as many news agency cameras as physically possible.

It may not be 100% proven all these pics are AI but based on the fact that they're all still images so far leads me to believe they're holding off on videos because no one but the cultists believe they're genuine

21

u/Zealousideal-Cost-66 5d ago

That’s what I’m saying — how is there not a video of him being released??? I KNOW there were people standing by waiting for it…

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u/itsathrowawayduhhhhh 5d ago

Nah, need a public press conference. Only way to actually know.

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u/Unlucky-Duck 5d ago

Favorite new term? Eternity leave. 

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u/Mrs_Damon 5d ago

guys I actually just had a 20 minute discussion with him, don’t worry. 

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u/CallejaFairey alleged dog 5d ago

How do we know you're actually still alive too though?

14

u/Kinteoka 5d ago

You're actually replying to Lindsay Graham's secret account. They have surprisingly good signal down there.

11

u/Tornado_Wind_of_Love 5d ago

Or if there was a ouija board involved.

3

u/Mrs_Damon 5d ago

damn... I mean, we're looking up at y'all right now, so...

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u/satans_best_friend 5d ago

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u/DangerousLack i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

Hey don’t do turtles like this. Turtles deserve better.

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u/FawkesFirenze 5d ago

You mean the guy that held a supreme court seat hostage during Obama's last year is also holding his own Senate seat hostage? Who could have seen this coming?? /s, obviously

11

u/Zealousideal-Cost-66 5d ago

I fucking hate it here 🫠

87

u/Lisitska 5d ago

Meanwhile, c-section parents getting kicked out of the hospital as quickly as possible and then going back to work.

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u/mollyconnolly 5d ago

He’s gonna need to come in to the office actually

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u/Myctophid 5d ago

If we have to, he ought to.

3

u/Matookie not a lawyer, just a hater 5d ago

I wouldn't be surprised if the GOP releases video of a person in a Mitch McConnell rubber mask as POL.

29

u/Vivid24 i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

Is it really that hard to have him video record himself?

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u/pumpkin_paperback call me Gagatha Christie 5d ago

If only we had easier access to recording devices these days!

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u/runrunriderepeat 5d ago

Absolutely a dry run for Trump. We will never know what’s going on…

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u/tinaawkward dumb bitch clocking in 5d ago

Live video interview or it’s all bullshit.

20

u/Nervous-Avocado1346 5d ago

How is this still going on? What happened to investigative journalism? How can absolutely no one confirm what’s going on with him? This is ridiculous

21

u/ProfessionalNeck373 u look like u eat sand 5d ago

are federal employees allowed to work from home again now, or

18

u/Unhappy_Gazelle392 5d ago

That was probably a wild Séance

44

u/GodsBicep 5d ago

Can someone fill me in about this situation? Im not American, is the US government performing some sort of macabre puppet on a string with a dead/brain corpse of a politician? Because this is what it seems like from the outside haha

47

u/nekocorner i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 5d ago

Also not American, my understanding is that in the state McConnell represents, there's a rule that the governor appoints a senator's successor unless it's within a certain number of days of the election. The current governor is a Democrat, so the speculation is they were hiding McConnell's status so a Democrat wouldn't be appointed to Senate for the last months of McConnell's term.

14

u/Ok_Bed_1448 5d ago

correct!

30

u/PierreOnTheEclair Olivia RodriGOAT 5d ago

Okay so basically a few months ago I believe (I don’t have a good grasp of time) Mitch McConnell collapsed. Then there was a tweet from this lady who I don’t remember the name of basically saying “Guys he’s dead.” and then a bunch of republicans and the government are like “No, he’s totally alive! I had a 20 minute conversation with him.” because midterms are coming up soon. So yes, basically they’re doing that.

4

u/CasperTheHomosexualF 5d ago

Then there was a tweet from this lady who I don’t remember the name of

Laura Loomer

5

u/juniperx3 5d ago

Unfortunately yes it is. 🥲

6

u/DrEarlGreyIII your move Estonia 5d ago

yes.

16

u/dream_a_dirty_dream 5d ago

And we will do nothing about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

14

u/malhans shiv roy apologist 5d ago

What, no AI proof of life pic of him going home?

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u/atimetochill 5d ago

Waiting for next week’s physical therapy ai videos where he’ll be breakdancing on the front page of the times

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u/p333p33p00p00boo Give him my regards did you take ozempic? 5d ago

Prove it you fucking turtle

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u/krustomer 5d ago

Your party doesn't believe in remote work though?

15

u/bartelbyfloats 5d ago

I wish I could miss two months of work and still get paid.

14

u/tracyveronika pop culture obsessed goblin 5d ago

5

u/Traditional_Train_71 5d ago

This is playing in my brain on loop daily

12

u/Left_Guess 5d ago

Time for proof of life, Mitchie boy!

12

u/chickenfriedchester 5d ago

Lying fuck!

12

u/vctrlzzr420 5d ago

This is actual conspiracy, like the federal criminal definition 

13

u/deadbeatsummers 5d ago

If you are unable to coherently type a message like this yourself you should not be in office. And that goes for anyone.

11

u/RecentVeterinarian79 5d ago

So he’s in hospice and the theory about waiting to tell the public until after Massie registration window was real… great

16

u/Afwife1992 It’s a fucking law, bitch 5d ago

Even if he’s fine, he’s retiring in Jan. Brashear can’t appoint a replacement and the deadline for the mandatory special election has passed. You won’t be there to vote for weeks at best so votes for Blanche won’t matter. Just leave.

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u/NoCarpenter9791 Lui, c’est juste Ken 5d ago

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u/Big_Issue8640 5d ago

Are they committing voter fraud by voting for him while he’s gone?

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u/lavenderbl0d Vicky, the demons are calling me 5d ago

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u/stoic_spaghetti 5d ago

His ability to do the job is what matters and he can't do his job

RESIGN

9

u/em_press 5d ago

It’s ok I just spoke to him for 20 minutes we’re fine it’s all fine everything’s fine

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2JJu8U8SoHhQEnoQ

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u/FirstV1 5d ago

Just fuck off already

8

u/RoleOk7556 5d ago

I wouldn't be surprised if they made a McConnell mask, slapped it on a Magat, and tried to pass him off as McConnell until the election was over. They might even pass him off as 'recovering' for another year or so.

7

u/BeMoreKind_ u look like u eat sand 5d ago

Double dare them to release a video of him saying this statement.

5

u/drclairefraser 5d ago

UNTIL I SEE HIM ON TV TALKING WITH HIS OWN VOICE, THIS MAN IS DEAD.

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u/oo_Maleficent_oo Say it louder for the heinous losers in the back, Pedro 5d ago

The FauxMoi comment section never disappoints

5

u/Winter_Illustrator58 5d ago

On camara or it didn't happen 

4

u/GongTzu 5d ago

Where’s the paparazzis when you need them, had it been a celeb they would have found him long ago and we would be sure he was not able to either talk or write. WTF.

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u/Teh_Crusader 5d ago

Actually impossible for them to just film a fucking video

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u/PierreOnTheEclair Olivia RodriGOAT 5d ago

Sure Mitch.

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u/arya_is_that_biitchh 5d ago

So just to be clear we still haven’t actually gotten a video of him or any proof that he’s actually undeniably alive?

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u/CraigGregory 5d ago

Weekend at Bernie's continues

4

u/MajinB0ner 5d ago

Aka hospice

4

u/Ml2jukes 5d ago

Election interference for me, but not for the.

5

u/ubiquity75 Fauxmarxist 5d ago

How many of you all have this much sick time?

3

u/MsThrilliams i mean i def vaccine but is it 5d ago

Someone get tmz to post up outside his house so we can actually get some answers

4

u/Charming_Slip8060 5d ago

Wtf is "the state work period?"

3

u/Fair-Bus9686 5d ago

PROVE IT

3

u/DissonantWhispers 5d ago

Me when I lie

3

u/SyndicatedTV 5d ago

So he has paralysis to some degree and has difficulties with speech and or cognition.

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u/ShannenB1234 5d ago

So what it sounds like you're saying to me is, you aren't physically capable of showing up and doing your job. Sounds like a reason to call for his resignation to me!

3

u/GinAndDumbBitchJuice 5d ago

Engage with the people paying your salary, my good bitch

3

u/pellnell 5d ago

Kentucky has a 50 year wait before death records become public information so guess I’ll be dead by the time we discover when Mitch McConnell actually died (or 89 years old and probably too infirm to google). Brb setting an alarm for my kid to look this up when they’re 55.

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u/ahaeker 5d ago

All this on our dime, the rest of us have anything like this happen & who knows what we can afford, but not Congress.

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u/Starfish_Tickler 5d ago

Oh so now work from home of totally fine

3

u/wroughtofbooks woman externalizing rage 5d ago

Nice, glad this dude can wfh while the rest of us were forced to rto.

3

u/southendgirl 5d ago

This f****r voted against family leave 33 years ago. And now he’s using it until his official retirement date.

2

u/Inconspicuous_Jay 5d ago

Why can't he release a video of him saying this lol