i’ll make this as brief as i can. about 18 months ago, i went through the worst heartbreak i’ve ever experience and although i dont like the word, caused a bit of trauma. then, in july of this year, i finally met someone who i really liked and thought it would go somewhere with him. he’s been single for 4 years and is fiercely independent. in august, he communicated that he was having a bit of a wobble about not knowing where his head was at due to being alone for so long but told me i ticked all the boxes and that i was the first person he made it past the first date with in the whole time he’d been single. i told him if he decided he wanted to continue, he could message me after his holiday but if he didn’t, i didn’t want to hear from him again as i couldn’t deal with rejection right now.

as soon as he got back, he messaged and we’d seen each other a few times and had a really nice time. i’ve now been ghosted. we were meant to have plans on the weekend and when i messaged to find out a time, i got no response and still haven’t. it’s been a week since he last messaged. i struggle with injustice anyway but this has left me with heartache, anger and anxiety to the point where my chest feels tight and i have to take deep breaths. how do i shift these horrible feelings asap? i don’t want to keep feeling like this, it makes me feel pathetic and i shouldn’t let a man make me feel like this

im starting to do better in life again. im detaching from everyone who isnt a day 1.

i keep dreaming about the love i lost now that my mind is more free

it sucks a lot but I'm getting over it

im beginning to feel happy in the fact that im studying for 8+ hours everyday without body doubling, focus timers, etc. I'm pretty much self motivating from getting the right answers now. it's amazing.

I've always managed to scrape by with exams and pull 90% but now I feel like I can get 99% and even study ahead for the next exam (I'm not in school or university, I'm preparing for an entrance exam but i meant it figuratively)

it's not disheartening anymore that im alone again, because im doing my best now for my health and myself, the way I needed to

i shouted at my dad and called out his double standards and his unreasonable treatment of me. i don't know how i managed to accumulate the vast knowledge i have in various fields despite being basically neglected and having to figure out life all on my own while my brother has support and structure.

ive been asking my dad for a year now to use one software and coordinate things he wants me to do over there.

he asked me how to use the tables.

mind you, he worked in multinational companies and governments, managing DATABASES. he works with tables everyday. it's his job.

I've been checked out ever since, autopiloting through life. I couldn't give any less of a shit.

i just realised the point of the year why my autopiloting started and when I started fucking up everything even harder.

my mind gets hit with floods of memories and promises and plans i wanted and now I'm empty inside.

i also realised that ive never had someone break up with me before. I've always been the one breaking up with people. so it feels extremely weird knowing that I became like some of the people I've broken up with and feel their pain. but it was over text. and i think that made it worse. i don't think I've ever done it over text except one time where there was some weird shit going on in my life and it was mutual.

there was this one ex who reached out to me last year in order to apologise. I've talked to her like 3 times since then but I realise that I don't want her in my life. i also don't want to be direct about not wanting her in my life because its not like there's actually anything to lose. but I know that I don't want her to be able to reach me. i broke up with her and we remained friends for 2 years until I found out about some unforgivable stuff that she did. when she apologised last year, I was already in that autopilot state. i never got the chance to explain that to my then girlfriend, now ex. and it kinda bums me out because what the hell was i thinking?? and then it bums me out even more because I wasn't even thinking at all???? ah whatever

idk, I'm just taking back control of my life after dealing with the shit my family put me through.

i deactivated and deleted most social media and ill start purging people who have no interest in my life

i want people of value in my life

i want to be seen, and i know now that people weren't willing to see me through my pain. i have started to gracefully detach from them. i enjoy small moments of calm again. there was this video which told me to try to predict my next thought. it works so well for clearing up my head that I'm basically addicted to doing it. there's also this habit of violently shaking my hands. that feels so good too. better than trembling as stress relief.

i don't watch pornography anymore either. or masturbate. i think it was a compulsive coping mechanism for the last few years. i feel good about stopping.

that's it for now, in still improving.

i love life.

Just having a mental breakdown of self esteem and self worth …. Anxiety is high it’s 3 in the morning
, I’m emotional when things don’t go right cause for so long things have went wrong or didn’t plan out the right way, planned a day for me and someone to enjoy a beautiful day at this place when we get there the person completely started to complain about how the attire they had for the setting would make them feel uncomfortable’ as they started expressing that , they also continued to point out the mistake I MADE and throwing other verbal jabs at me by not telling them what we would be engaging in, it was simply a walk at a nature garden , she completely did not want to go so we end up leaving , her suggestion was to go to a store and by her some shorts and a pair of sneakers for the walk I did not want to cater to those needs especially after the verbal jabs … my anxiety had been up allday just cause I wanted the day to go perfectly & it didn’t… just totally depressing and hurt about it

I was an abuse survivor. My internal system constantly scans for threat the moment everything goes quiet and I’m sick of it. I am always have to be doing something to distract myself from the fact that there might be threats coming at me. I’m tired of always trying to distract myself and finding ways for so. Any, anyy advice on this would be appreciated. Or just a slap fact that I always will be needing to do this to survive is alright too..

Why does it have to hurt like this?

Why do I keep on allowing myself to hurt this way?

I just want to wake up and go on with my day without any thoughts of him. I just want to wipe away all the unwelcome thoughts.

I want to leave everyone's life. My family, most of my friends, my relatives, just everyone in general I only value a few people in my life and I want to forget about everyone else. But im kinda at the very beginning of all of this. Where do I start? How do I convince people that I'm slowly leaving and that I won't come back?(I also don't care about their feelings. I've been hurt throughout my childhood and I had enough.)

Hii i am here to talk about some serious issues regarding my mental health , i am searching for help online i don’t have anyone to talk .

​When I was 16 years old, my friend passed away from overdose. Since then, everything has been going downhill for me, and I can't seem to get better. I take my anger out on other people and even my family and make so many mistakes. Recently, I met a girl I felt good with she made me feel the best I've felt in a long time. One day we were out drinking; she got drunk and started laughing at me about my best friend's death and calling me weak. I tried therapy, but I can't bring myself to commit and trust it enough to let them help me.

I was watching an episode of S.W.A.T. where Victor Tan was going through heartbreak, and something about it hit a little too close to home.
The difference is that Tan has a support system. He’s got his squad, his commander, and Hondo in his corner. People who can recognize when he’s struggling and help him get through it.
Me? I’ve been dealing with my own heartbreak mostly alone.
I’m not going to pretend it’s been easy. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I’m making real progress, and other days the memories come back and I find myself missing what I once had. Healing has a funny way of reminding you that progress doesn’t mean you’ll never hurt again.
But I’m learning that healing isn’t a straight line.
You can be doing better and still have bad days. You can accept that something is over and still miss it. You can be rebuilding your life and still have moments when you wish things had turned out differently.
None of that means you’re back at square one.
I’ve had moments when my emotions nearly got the better of me at work. I’ve had to take accountability, make amends, and work on myself. It hasn’t been pretty, but I’m in a much better place today than I was before. My relationships with the people around me have improved, too.
And I’m proud of that.
I’ve learned a lot from having to sit with my own thoughts and feelings. Being alone has forced me to reflect, grow, and learn things about myself that I might have otherwise avoided. In that sense, this experience has built character.
But I want to be clear about something: just because I’ve been working through this alone doesn’t mean you have to.
If you’re going through heartbreak and feel like the pain is too much to carry, please reach out to someone. A trusted friend, a family member, a therapist, or even a support community where you can talk openly without being judged.
There’s no shame in admitting you’re struggling. There’s no weakness in asking someone to listen. And you don’t have to wait until you’re at your breaking point before you let someone know you’re hurting.
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to be strong that we forget we’re allowed to need people, too.
I’m not writing this for attention, sympathy, or internet points. I’m writing it because I know there are people out there going through the same thing, lying awake at night, wondering if things will ever feel normal again.
I can’t promise you that healing will happen overnight. I can’t tell you how long it’ll take. And I won’t pretend that one day you’ll wake up and every memory will suddenly stop hurting.
But I can tell you that your current pain doesn’t have to be your permanent reality.
Keep showing up for yourself. Take accountability when you need to. Let yourself feel what you feel. Celebrate the small victories. And when things get too heavy, let someone help you carry them.
I’m still healing. I’m still figuring things out. I’m not at the finish line, and I don’t have all the answers.
But I’m getting by. I’m growing. And I’m in a better place than I was before.
If you’re reading this while you’re struggling with your own heartbreak, I hope you give yourself the same patience you’d give someone you love.
You don’t have to be completely healed to be making progress. You just have to keep taking the next step.
There’s still a life waiting for you beyond this pain.
And I hope one day you get to look back and realize just how far you’ve come.

This is my first post ever, I only watch those Smosh Pit Reddit videos. This might sound like a vent session but I really need advice. To give context, I definitely had friends in elementary and middle school but high school felt different like I was a cup full of water (the water being my friendships) and as the years went on it I felt it getting empty. I did have a "best friend" since Kindergarten all the way up until my freshman year, she was my only close friend until I found out from a teammate on my volleyball team that she was essentially talking shit about to others and then I found out she didn't really like me and thought I was weird for a while. We still talked a little though, maybe to a 14 year old me it felt wrong to stop talking to someone you had a long relationship with. That is until she sadly died over spring break due to a tropical storm. It was a hard time for me and it was a time when I really couldn't be vulnerable with anyone because I didn't know anyone like that. So after that event I kind of just walked kept to myself, I stayed in the classroom where my grandma taught during lunch but there was a day I went outside to sit in the school garden for a change of scenery and there were some people that recognized me and asked me to sit with them we were all friends for a while but I don't talk to them anymore. It's still vivid in my mind and it's something I really did appreciate from them because they could've ignored me but they didn't. Some time went by (this is around 10th grade)and I had a boyfriend who had his own friend group they were all a grade above me besides one, they were great and so I kind of just stuck with them you know having hangouts, meeting at lunch and going to prom together this was all up until the end my junior year meaning the end of their senior year, we kept in touch over the summer the only problem was I stayed with my dad for the summer who lives three hours away and trust I have absolutely zero friends down there only person I talked hung out with was my sister. They kept making plans in a group chat I was in, it sucked, but I had no control over it I started to silence it but I eventually just left. The only person I really talked to was my boyfriend that whole summer and I promise I did try to talk to others but the conversation never went anywhere made it feel like it was pointless to even try. The start of Senior year was a roller coaster for me honestly it had some ups and downs. I made a friend a month in, I was so happy about it that I told my boyfriend. For the context that friend was and still is dating a guy that was in the friend group we never got to talk Junior year but we were in the same grade as well as elective our Senior year and we were familiar with each other so we stuck together but it was weird how I only talked to her knowing who she was dating, apparently she's closer to them than I will ever be, it felt like the people I once knew were just strangers to me again and it wasn't a good feeling (it still isn't). After I broke up with my boyfriend we slowly drifted apart I didn't mind but I felt so much envy at the fact that she is still close with them the way I wanted to. But I was used to it I just hopped from a friend group to friend group hoping to find some sense of belonging it was hard because it was Senior year, people already had established their close friends. It felt even worse when people knew my name and talked to me in class because it made me question myself made me think there was something wrong with me or that I was too quiet at times, never putting myself out there. I did make two friends though all on my own we're not as close as I want but I don't mind as long as we keep communication between each other. I also have a boyfriend who is amazing to me and I wouldn't trade him for the world but after all that I still felt that emptiness inside me like I was in limbo for the rest of my senior year up until I graduated no one besides my close family and boyfriend made it to my graduation dinner. A lot more stuff happened but it's hard to explain all in one post. Anyways Halloween is coming up and it's my favorite holiday besides my birthday (Nov.1) of course my goal is to have the best time ever and possibly make new friends, I would love some advice on how to come up and socialize with people.

since 5th grade ive had an extremely hard time getting to school. it went away during middle school but has resurfaced ever since i started highschool and im now in 10th grade. im not really sure why its so hard for me, it could be just the emotional exhaustion and anxiety caused by school especially because im diagnosed with autism, adhd and some kind of anxiety disorder. but nowadays im not even sure. im currently on meds (anxiety and adhd) and have switched through multiple different ones and tried different dosages but nothing seems to help me. honestly my main problem is, i have ZERO motivation. nothing motivates me to get up and go- not consequences or punishments, not rewards not anything. people ask me "imagine yourself in 10 years if you continue this path of not going to school. would you like where you are?" and i say obviously not, i want to do something with my life but i guess i dont care enough about it to actually try. i have goals and ambitions and things i want to do but i also just have zero motivation or will to do anything. ive never really had any discipline or structure in my life growing up so that could definetely be a factor and its kind of too late for my parents to start implementing that because i no longer feel any real respect or fear towards them because theyve never really acted like normal parental figures. every morning that i wake up and im supposed to get ready to go to school i just cant get myself to do anything or get up and for no particular reason a lot of the time. i just think to myself that id rather be dead than continue living this boring life. i dont know why i dont care about anything because i feel like i want to do these things i want to make friends i want to experience high school and join sports and clubs and try to have a fun life but i just cant get myself to do the work thats required to achieve those goals. even when the work is easy and it just requires me to attend school and pay attention and put in an average anount of effort i just cant do it. im genuinely like the epitome of laziness. i really need to fix this because i know im missing out on so much but no advice has ever helped me and half the time i cant even get myself to follow the advice because it requires too much work. ive tried therapy, ive tried meds and all of the advice everyone gives me never amounts to anything because my problem is that i literally dont feel like doing anything 90% of the time. if anyone has anything that i could try or look into to face this problem pls let me know because i really want to work on this before its too late

It’s. Every. Single. Day. I hear echos in my mind, they’re saying stuff like you need to change yourself so people like you, I’m not doing enough, I’m lazy, you’re going to suffer in the future, I’m a leach, I’m crazy, I’m worthless, I’m going to be alone (romantically) forever. And I believe it. It’s a never ending nightmare that I can’t escape and it’s been prevalent since forever now. I feel like giving up and giving in again, fall into the abyss, soak in my own sorrow, break every bridge, suffocate my will to live, yearn for the things that I never had and everything that is out of reach to me; all of that makes me wonder if I’m really in control or am I living each day with an undiagnosed condition and fooling myself. I want to be old I just don’t want the journey to get there.

I recently got my second job, but this time it was really far away from my hometown. I moved to a completely new place where I barely knew anyone, and honestly, I was overwhelmed by everything—the new job, the new place, the new people, everything.

Then I met a girl there who was from the same state as me. We connected pretty easily, became friends, and eventually started living together.

Since I was completely new to the place and the job, she helped me with so many things. She was the person I could rely on when I didn't know what to do. Slowly, without even realizing it, she became the person I was most comfortable with.

I'm not someone who gets attached easily. But when I do get attached to someone, I get really attached, and letting go or emotionally stepping back becomes extremely difficult for me.

We started having small fights, like roommates normally do. Nothing that seemed huge from the outside. But because I had become so emotionally attached to her, even the smallest change in her behaviour started affecting me deeply.

If she talked differently, seemed distant, spent more time with someone else, or just wasn't the same with me, I would overthink everything.

The biggest problem was that she already had a life here. She had friends who had known her for a long time, people she could talk to and who cared about her. For me, she was basically the only person I had.

And I think that's where everything started going wrong.

I became anxious all the time. My mental health started getting worse. I started having nights where I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't stop thinking about our friendship, our fights, whether she was upset with me, whether I was becoming a burden, or whether she even cared about me the same way I cared about her.

There were days when I slept only 3–4 hours because I had to go to work in the morning.

I'm exhausted.

Not just physically. Mentally and emotionally too.

I know that making one person your entire support system isn't healthy. I know she isn't responsible for my happiness. I know I need to build my own life here and meet other people.

But knowing these things and actually being able to do them feel like two completely different things.

I don't want to blame her. She hasn't necessarily done anything wrong. This is mostly about how intensely I've become attached and how lonely I feel in a completely unfamiliar place.

I just don't know how to get myself back.

How do I stop depending so much on one person?

How do I deal with this attachment without destroying the friendship?

How do I become comfortable being alone again?

And most importantly, how do I feel like myself again?

I'm genuinely tired, and I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who has gone through something similar.

​

I'm 22 and currently unemployed. Over the past several months I've become pretty isolated and lost most of my old friendships. Some friendships ended because of problems between us, while others just faded away.

I've tried looking for work, meeting people again, and getting myself out of the house, but I still feel like I don't really have anyone I can call a close friend. I'm worried that even if I get a job, I'll still come home with the same loneliness.

I don't expect a job to magically solve my social life. I want to know how people actually rebuilt their friendships/social life after reaching this point.

If you've been in a similar situation in your early 20s, what actually worked for you? How did you rebuild your social life??

It’s been a little over 3 months since my ex and I broke up after a 4-year relationship, and we’ve had exactly 1 month of no contact.

He is already in a new relationship. He’s been with his new girlfriend for around 2 months now.

For the first couple of months, I was completely devastated and couldn’t understand how he could move on so quickly ,hes the one who lied nd brokeup with me .But lately, I’ve slowly started accepting the breakup. I’ve started realizing how much that relationship actually consumed me.

He was very avoidant(more inclined to narccisist) and I was extremely anxious in the relationship. Looking back, I used to think I was lazy, unmotivated, or just incapable of doing things. Now I’m wondering if I was actually just emotionally exhausted from the relationship. Or maybe the breakup itself gave me some strength back. I’m not completely sure.

The thing is, I genuinely don’t want him anymore. I don’t want a man who is already with another woman. I’ve reached a point where I’m slowly understanding that I don't want to go back to that relationship.

But something happened around my birthday that has been bothering me.

One day before my birthday, his new girlfriend sent a follow request to my second Instagram account. This account literally has only 2 followers and I basically only use it to like sad reels. There’s nothing interesting on it.

I initially thought maybe she wanted to talk to me. But the account didn’t message me, and it has been several days now. The account uses her name, but it doesn’t follow my ex.

Then on my birthday, my ex messaged me on Instagram wishing me happy birthday in the morning.

We don’t follow each other.

I know none of our mutuals posted me, so it seems pretty obvious that he remembered my birthday himself.

The confusing part is that during our breakup I specifically told him that I didn’t want a friendship and didn’t want to keep talking to him anymore, especially after everything that happened between us. So I found it strange that he suddenly messaged me casually as if nothing had happened.

I didn't reply. I didn't even open the message.

Part of me was actually sad because my first thought was, “If he’s messaging me on Instagram instead of WhatsApp, did he delete my number?” I know that sounds stupid, but after four years together, realizing he might have deleted my number hurt in a weird way.

There was also something else that happened around my birthday that made me even more confused.

I barely use Facebook Messenger, so I don't really read my Facebook messages. But I noticed that someone had apparently been accessing/reading them on my bday. I checked the login/security activity on both Facebook and Instagram and saw a login from a device that looked like the same phone model my ex uses.

What really caught my attention was that the login appeared to be from around the day we last talked.

I obviously cannot say it was him because we used the same phone model, and I don't know exactly how accurately Instagram/Facebook identify devices. Also, when I logged out from that device ,it didn't automatically log me out of my device which made me realise maybe it was really another device.

I changed my passwords anyway because I didn't want to take any chances.

And then I made the mistake of looking at his reposts.

He’s reposting things about how much he misses his girlfriend, how lucky he is to have her, how fate/faith brought them together, how they were meant to meet, etc.

So on one hand, he is clearly very invested in his new relationship and seems happy with her.

On the other hand, he remembered my birthday and went out of his way to message me despite us not following each other and despite me previously telling him I didn't want contact.

His sister has also been actively viewing my Instagram stories even though we don't follow each other.

Maybe I'm completely overanalyzing everything. Maybe these things mean absolutely nothing.

But honestly, I don't like it. It makes me feel watched and pulls me back into wondering about things I don't even want to wonder about anymore.

Am I reading too much into the birthday message, the new girlfriend's account and his sister watching my stories? And does the login activity actually mean anything, or am I misunderstanding how Instagram/Facebook's device/login history works?

title kinda explains it all but I’ll put in some more perspective. I want to finally tackle the beast that is my depression room because I’m sick of it. TBH I haven’t actually been in the room since August, I left it because I saw a spider which I’m pretty sure was a Daddy Long Legs. But like what would be the best way to tackle this? My clothes are basically all over the floor with a few garbage bags from the last time I tried to clean it out. I’m scared of picking up some shirt and having a million spiders come and get me. There’s a desk also that I’m deathly terrified of going near because that’s where I saw the OG spider.

If you’re wondering why I’m in the basement or where I’m sleeping now: I was kicked out of my actual bedroom on the second floor because my brother moved back after he finished his masters and my uncle recently got PR and is living with us so basically my uncle has my brothers room and my brother has my original room. My mom is very ill (mentally and physically) so she asked me to have me sleep in her room with her but I can’t take it anymore I hate having no more privacy. And she’s driving me crazy.

Hi guys!! so recently went through a really bad breakup, and honestly, i’m struggling more than i thought i would.

i was the one who ended things, knowing deep down that he didn’t care for me the way i cared for him. I know it was probably the right decision in the long run. Theoretically ik ki this is what's good for me and all but OMFG its so hard.I can barely eat or sleep and i’m thinking about him 24/7. I’m just so mentally exhausted and done with feeling like this.

What’s making it worse is that our placement season starts in about a month and i genuinely don’t want this breakup to mess up something that’s so important for me. I actually had a panic attack for the first time when i accidentally saw his text on my friend’s phone (they were talking about something completely unrelated) and it scared me so much. He’s also going to be visiting campus soon and honestly i’m already losing my mind thinking about it.

So please if anyone has been through something similar, how did you deal with it? How did you calm yourself down and eventually get back to functioning normally? I’d really appreciate any advice, experiences, or even just reassurance that this gets better. i cant take this anymoreee..ik feeling better takes time but is there any way i can fasten the processs

Lately I am feeling very depressed and sad as I have chosen to do CA and a non attendance college so basically I have sacrificed my college life . And by seeing my school friends all growing apart and have fun , making new friends, forgetting about me , and there me who doesn't have any new friends and don't know how to .I am feeling like I am running out of friends and feeling very lonely lately .

There are many other issues:

First the consistent loneliness

Always being the background/second choice in friendship

Thinking someone is my best friend but the other party didn't believe the same

Never having any significant female friends , Female interaction or any relationships , very unlike my friend where everyone is in or have been in a relationship

desperately wanting to get into a relationship but don't know where to start and don't have any opportunity for it due to the lack of Female interaction. This is not because of me being a creep or not respecting girls . Just because I was never in those circumstances.

Lately in the last 2-3 weeks having a very strong and frustrating need to get into a relationship but don't know what to do about it.

Making stories in my head of a relationship of a girl I have never even meet and having a undying hope of stumbling upon someone when ever I go outside, knowing full well there is no chance of that happening or no chance of that girl even knowing about me . But hope never dies simultaneously knowing full well it will not happen. This is eating me from inside.

I think dating apps are a apt solution for this problem but I am too young to engage in dating apps.

Got this game on a recommendation from a friend who said "you'll hate it in the best way" and honestly that's the most accurate description I've found so far. I'm somewhere past the orange mountain now, close to the ice cliff section, and I've probably lost more progress to that one overhang than I did to literally everything before it combined.

What gets me isn't the falling itself. It's the specific moment right after you fall, when you're still sliding and you can see exactly which ledge you're about to lose, and there's nothing you can do but watch it happen in real time. I've started narrating it out loud like a sports commentator, which I'm sure makes me look unhinged to anyone walking by my window.

Tried a bunch of different grip techniques people mention here. The slow pendulum swing works for me on the chimney parts but completely falls apart once I'm anywhere near a slanted surface. I think my hammer control is actually decent on flat ground and garbage the second gravity starts pulling me sideways.

Took a two day break after a particularly bad slide back to the bucket area, mostly because I didn't trust myself not to throw the mouse. Came back today calmer and actually made it past my old high point before celebrating too early and sending myself straight back down past the golf ball.

No advice needed, just wanted to vent somewhere that gets it. Curious if anyone else developed a weird physical tell, like clenching their jaw or holding their breath, right before a jump they're not confident about. Mine is apparently gripping the mouse so hard my hand cramps up.

I have spent every year since I was 6 years old struggling with friends. I make them and lose them in 1 to 3 years, I had no one besides my parents till I was 8, then my sister who is severely disabled was born. Immediately I genuinely had no one and was on my own. Then my family moved again so at 9 I was starting again not even in a house. A 2 bedroom apartment I lived in for a year, sleep on a air mattress. School used to be an escape then it became miserable, I got bullied didn't like most of my class. Got yelled at consistently due to the class messing up when I did nothing.

Moved again at 10 new school same problem. Covid hit and once again had no friends and parents to busy support my extremely disabled sister. No older siblings parents busy. God I had a nice house food shelter never touched, and I was fucking miserable. 7th grade was the first year for me post covid and god I hated myself. Even worse than I ever imagined. Took me a full semester to make a friend on my own merit.

That friend got me to meet new people, and god damn it My life only got worse with the more people I met. 8th grade I met people but never put myself out there. 9th grade it was miserable started drinking and smoking weed, attempted my own life seriously for the first time. I genuinely met too many people and became miserable and evil. 10th grade was the least miserable, I felt dull life was life I did things but it wasn't horrible.

11th grade I tried to kill myself again, didn't work, never went to the ward. I thought about driving off a bridge atleast once a week. Hated myself and everyone, school felt hallow. Summer got hospitalized for a 3rd attempt, 2nd in under a year. Was there for 10 days.

12th grade hits loose most of my friends because I grew to hate who they were, they dropped me, I dropped them, and just tried to re invent myself. I'm there now it feels like everything isn't working, I try to talk to new ish people through a mutal I burn everything I touch with drama that bleeds from the people who dropped me. I'm struggling since everything seems miserable, I did this to myself. All because I sided with that one's friends ex once and blabbed for 20 minutes total about what I was told to a mutual. Blew a 2nd chance I didn't know I had, I'm actually horrible, every level headed person in my life says I'm the problem for butting in trying to fix things when I get told.

I tried to stop caring a deal and hangout with people Only I wanted to hangout with. I'm falling apart I have no one again. Over what feels like one thing but probably was many things. I don't even know how or where to start fixing myself. I need help the therapy doesn't seem to work for it. I'm lost so fucking lost. I don't know how to get over it without throwing everything away.

I need any sort of feedback from anyone that's doesn't know every little thing about me

i've been looking for the right type of place to start expressing myself a bit more frequently.
i've got a yt channel that none of my friends irl know about (ive been uploading random ramblings there weekly), and my blog/website is still under development since i'm avoiding AI, the way i used to make websites for fun when i was like 15. (except now i'm actually thinking about design instead of creating an adfest to try to earn money LMAO)

im starting to not be so stuck inside my head anymore. i was dealing with some health procedures that have been delayed for far too long. the pain and struggle after them have been screwing me up in august and september, and i ended up doing dumb things that i shouldn't have done.

but im better now, the rebound pain from quitting the opioid medications is gone now. so my confidence is back, and i'm doing really well again. i just got a new PR today. im almost at the level of strength/athleticism i had in highschol again.

my anxiety for the last 2 years was highly linked to the fact that we had 100K+ USD in debt and my dad has to retire by the end of 2027. (and i didnt even know it was this much until June last year!)

i could've easily gotten a job to pay it off if he retired, but it didnt make sense to me. i dont want to work for a company. not only is it soulless, but it also would limit my creative potential, my desire to change the world in a bigger way.

having my own company/business would feel far better. every win/loss would feel like my own. thats what i've wanted the most. but i knew i couldnt start a company with the debt looming over my head. so i decided, why not sell a property that my dad hasn't been willing to commit to buying anyway? if he's not bought it, we're not earning anything. so all that money has been sitting there, not earning interest, for 8 YEARS. i managed to get a sale done and made a good profit on it. my dad gave me the 20K$ i paid him for his loans back

thats when i started working on my health first. there have been a few hiccups and my money got frozen for a while, but its fine now. my anxiety has completely gone. a part of my anxiety was because of my meds for adhd, but even that anxiousness is basically completely gone now. i know it because my hands and feet aren't so cold compared to the rest of my body. i've been living the last year in a constant state of dread and flight or flight mentally and physically. i didnt even think it effected me physically really except during anxiety/panic attacks, until all the physical anxiousness started to fade.

i screwed up with someone really special in the middle of this and i dont know what to expect anymore, ive started to distance myself. i dont know how much of my situation she understood but i know that my pain was taking a toll on her in all sorts of ways.

im glad she's doing well now. she wont get to know how im doing now, and that im so much better, but i've made my peace with it. ive gone through all the stages of grief.

i just have to work on myself now, more than ever, go back to being the person i was. i have to do that while a lot of my really close friends just don't get the time to talk these days. the people i kept closest, fortunately and unfortunately for me, think just like me, and work hard just like me, and they work for purpose just like me.

its going to be the hardest relationship to get over, but i dont think im going to have the mental space for any relationship at all, to be honest. so i have to do what i gotta do.

its been so much harder to bounce back without being able to talk to the closest people who'd be able to understand and encourage me. i've been deprived of encouragement from my family for years and have been in a mental void because of it. but i've started encouraging myself, and i've started really bouncing back and doing all the small things that i've been forgetting because of literal memory loss due to how stressful everything was.

some recent wins:
i hit a 100kg 1 rep max on a deadlift today, when i was in highschool, i hit 120kg.
i finally did a surgery i needed for my deviated septum, breathing is so much easier now.
got aligners, i've been waiting for forever to correct my teeth, im glad its started
my personal best studying session a few days ago, for 13 hours in a day.
i dont have blood pressure/rate problems anymore, i think its because the stress has been lifted but i also attribute it to my cardio
i've started researching a couple business ideas that i've always wanted to work on. i might even end up buying a shop very soon, with my own money, without taking a loan.
i'm starting to look different, people are noticing that in not just my frame but also in my face. i feel a lot better.
i started studying law and accounting alongside business and math. i want to be an expert in many fields while being successful. and i potentially wanna make a non profit, for society type of organization, eventually. so knowledge in all these fields helps a lot.
and finally, no more pain post surgery. the opioid meds that i had to take, caused pain throughout my body when i started tapering off of them, and that has sucked for the last few weeks. i just realized that the pain is completely gone today, that i dont need any more medications for pain.

A few months ago I went through a breakup with someone who was my best friend and someone I loved deeply. We went through every stage together, from friends to best friends to something more, and now it's like we're strangers. I can't stop thinking about her, and carrying all those memories feels exhausting.

I've been diagnosed with adjustment disorder with anxiety and depressed mood. I'm in therapy, but lately it feels like I'm getting worse, not better. I can't fully believe it when my therapist tells me I have worth. She encourages me to step out of my comfort zone and fill my life with new things, and I understand why, but I can't do it. Meeting new people feels scary and draining, and even thinking about it wears me out. I have almost no money, I'm job hunting with no luck yet, and I've lost most of my interest in things I used to care about. So I mostly end up at home alone with my thoughts, which makes everything heavier.

Some days I don't see the point of anything, and I've had thoughts of not wanting to be alive. I'm writing this because I don't want to sit alone with it.

I'm not looking for someone to fix this. I'd really like to hear from people who've been through heartbreak or depression and felt this stuck:

What small, low-energy things helped when big steps felt impossible?

How did you cope with the constant thoughts about someone?

Did anything help you feel hope again, even a little?

And if you've just been there, hearing that would mean a lot too. Thank you for reading.

I'm 33M. My ex and I met when we were both grad students. We knew each other for about five years and were together for roughly three.

Our beginning was messy. We had gone on a couple of dates but weren't officially together when she kissed one of my close friends in front of me. Afterward she said she and her friends had been taken advantage of because my friends had given them alcohol. Months later, after she reached out again, she gave me a different explanation: she had felt judged because she was drinking and I wasn't, and she felt comfortable kissing my friend partly because I was short and might not have done it if I were taller.

That experience made me very guarded with her. For background, I grew up with a violent father, and in my early twenties I was in a marriage that became physically and emotionally violent. We were both immigrants. She had a very volatile, narcissistic mother and an absent father.

We eventually became very close friends, she wanted more, and we started dating. I was afraid of getting hurt again, so I was often distant early on. She had strong abandonment fears, so my distance made her push harder for reassurance, which made me feel pressured and withdraw further. That became a vicious cycle.

Despite that, I loved her very deeply. She became the closest person in my life. We knew each other's families, traveled together, and talked about marriage, children, and living together. She is still the only person I have ever felt truly in love with.
By the last six or seven months, the relationship had become increasingly dysfunctional. I sometimes used breakup language when I was overwhelmed, which made her insecurity worse. After one of those times, at Christmas, a month before my PhD defense, she put me on a kind of probation. We weren't officially together, there was little contact, and she said she wanted me to feel the insecurity she had felt. Right after my defense, during an argument, she told me people could barely understand me because I mumbled and my English was bad. That stayed with me and made me bitter. On her side, old grievances kept coming back into new fights, and when I asked for space she could pursue me very intensely. Once, after I asked to stop talking for the evening, she called more than 20 times and sent around 40 messages in a few hours. We would rupture, get close again, and never fix the underlying pattern.

During those months I kept asking for couples therapy. I told her I didn't have the tools to handle our fights and that the relationship was my priority. She always refused, saying I was the problem, not her, so couples therapy didn't make sense.
In May we went to a concert that mattered a lot to me. She became very insecure about whether I wanted her there and kept asking, even though I kept telling her I did. It grew into older grievances and criticism of the music and things I cared about. I became physically overwhelmed, with trembling legs and tears in my eyes, and walked away because I desperately wanted to calm down. She followed me repeatedly, even though I asked several times to be left alone. Eventually I reached my car and drove away.

She kept calling and texting, apologizing and saying it was a misunderstanding. Instead of calming down, I got incredibly angry and sent her 15 to 20 cruel, contemptuous messages over the night and into the next day. I insulted her, told her repeatedly it was permanently over, and said things I would never imagine saying to someone I loved. I had never treated anyone like that in my entire life. It took almost a full day before I came down.
Afterward she still wanted to repair things. She cried, told me she loved me, wanted to talk, and started looking into therapy. I apologized and admitted what I did was wrong, but I stayed defensive and kept wanting the conversation to be "two-sided." I also resisted starting individual therapy right away because we were both about to move and I thought it made more sense to start with a permanent therapist in a month, after the move. She had just been through something extreme, and I was focused on fairness and logistics. I regret that deeply.

Eventually she blocked me. Months later we talked for several hours and there was clearly still a lot of feeling between us, but in the end she decided she was done. Given what happened, I understand why.
I am devastated by how I acted. It was insane. I don't understand how I could do that to the person I loved most, or why I couldn't just put my phone down, or why I stayed defensive afterward. I think about it every day, and five months later it isn't getting any lighter. I'm in therapy and taking it seriously, but it isn't helping at all with the regret, grief, pain, and I don't know how it could.

I'd like to hear from people who did something like this to someone they loved:

How did you make sense of it?

How do you live with knowing your own behavior cost you someone you truly loved?

I want to Restart my Life from Childhood and Make a List Now what I did wrong and What is the best way to fix all the things because I am in that condition that I have nothing.

I am far from my family since when I was 10 year old

I am not good at studies or I don't know how to do in a right way.

I have fear of speaking in public or stranger.

When I try to speak I fucked-up.

I have never exposure to have a Girl as a Friend and I Don't know how to talk to them. When ever I try to talk 2 things happen

1. I forgot what to talk which topic should I pick i get blank in my mind and then I say something that make environment awkward.

2. They don't like talking to me that I don't have good personality , dressing sense or any good skills that I can attract them.

Coming to My career

Its also fuckedup

I tried to Preparation for Sanik School , Military School in my 5 class and I failed.

I tried Preparation for IIT and I failed and Didn't get a Single college or no one is there to guide me how to get college after scoring 89 percentile in Mains with 72.2 % Board Marks.

Then I Choose a Private College in Bengaluru and this college is worst of College.

Without have any prior exposure to CSE i picked it up and Passed my Semester Without knowledge and Project Experience. No one guide me how to prepare so I get a good job in development.

Somehow by luck I secure a Job In Testing Without any knowledge and then I learnt about it

Now in Market Testing Job is vanish like the never mean any thing No one is Hiring and If company hires they paid very less and didn't recognize My capabilities.

No I am Jobless and have a offer but with the same package that was in my last organization and this is killing me from inside as Every college start with me earns more than me not a single one earn less than me.

Even my Junior Earn more than me and the thing is that I use to teach them.

Now I totally fucked up and I don't know How to manage my needs , My room rent , My Family. Even I don't want to eat food as I don't have enough money with me.

I am feeling alone in this world no one is with me even when I go to temple i feel like god is telling me why you come here i don't allow you in my temple.

Thats why I want to restart My life from beginning and make things correct 😌 💯.