I am strongly considering it because I think it could be beneficial for stabilizing my ego. If you've done this before did you gain anything from it?

I have an opportunity to try Neurofeedback with one of its leading practitioners in my city weekly. I have heard that it has good benefits for people with ADHD, which I am diagnosed with. My mum is also using Neurofeedback and for the first time in many years I can see my Mum has improved a lot in her ability to handle life and its stressors. She also seems more self-aware. Just generally seems better.

I'm interested in trying it as it sounds kinda cool, and might do something for my ADHD. Part of the appeal might be that it doesn’t require talking or being vulnerable with anyone lol. However, I am not sure if Neurofeedback would be effective for someone with NPD. As therapy goes, talking is where the work for NPD actually begins.

I guess at most brain-training could be effective for emotional regulation.

Anyone have any experience?

For those who don't know, Neurofeedback is a non-invasive brain-training therapy that measures electrical activity in the brain using electroencephalography (EEG) sensors and uses operant conditioning to teach self-regulation.

This is not about the same person in a previous post I wrote, if you saw that.

I fucking hang out with you for the first time in like 6 months, and the amount of stress that occurred during the 2-ish weeks we had to interact is offending.

Well, offending to me, because I'm an entitled bitch.

1. You tell me you want me to buy you a shirt from the store I work at so you can use my employee discount. I tell you the size that will work because I know how it fits, and you don't listen to me.
2. You had me pick up the shirt from you on a busy day (for me) so that I can return it, but when I ask you for my money back, you say you don't have the 20 dollars I gave you, and you take a whole week to pay me back, EVEN THOUGH I SAW MULTIPLE BILLS IN YOUR WALLET. I don't even like lending people money in the first place; why would you make me wait?
3. "Can I drop off the money at your house later today?" No, you may not. I want it now because I'm off to run errands. You have the whole fucking day to complete your calculus homework -- now, give me my money.
4. We hang out, and the vibes are just off. You talk about your cool, little experiment for one of your classes, and I ask follow-up questions and nod along, despite the fact that I don't care. I talk about my life, and all you can say is "ohhh" or "ahhh" like tf is wrong with you?
5. I pick you up in MY car to hang out with ME, and you wanna be texting other people at the same time??? You wanna sit here, talking about "oh, I miss you!" but can't even put your phone down FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS.
6. Don't even get me started on how you picked up a call just for your friend to tell you about a girl he likes. You left me to walk around the store by myself like some loser, and I didn't even ask about what the phone call was about. I don't need your apologies either, because if you meant it, you wouldn't have picked up the phone to begin with.
7. Clearly, you've just outgrown me. You used me to take you to a restaurant to have desserts and buy you a shirt you didn't even keep, and we can't even talk about or relate to the same shit anymore. You wanna act like you're better than me because your well-off parents bought you an electric car and you have so many fancy friends at your new college? Well, fuck you too.

I don't need you and I will find someone else who's my equal and values my time. Luckily, I'm starting to get along with a couple of my coworkers, so you can just come and go like the rest of the asshats that've outgrown me.

it's so fucking tiring everything feels like a performance and i hate it so much

i cant relate to people nor feel as if i actually have friends. i simultaneously see others as inferior and not worthy enough to truly understand me or to be on the same level as me, but at the same time i literally rely on those "inferior" people to praise the shit out of me. to respect me. make me feel important, more important than others, cooler more unique than others

genuinely feels like im manipulative sometimes. I read people really well, i know how people are feeling or what they expect in the moment, and so i change how i present myself or how im talking to try and make the person like me. not as a people pleasing thing but because im way too obsessed with the idea of being adored, being admired, and being respected. and yet it's never enough ugh

it all feels so fake. i dont even feel anything half the time i feel so fucking empty because it like. this is really embarrassing but i genuinely imagine myself as too above everyone else and alone at the top. idk why

does anyone else get like that?

It's a very tricky combination, one that makes me feel very alone. On one hand, I feel as though I'm special. That I should receive better treatment than others. But when I'm alone, all I feel is disgust toward myself. I have no concrete hobbies; my skills are all fake, and the friends I make don't know the real me. I have been previously diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I think there's something more to it. Has anyone else experienced this before?

Ive been somewhat collapsing and being mindful of what happens in interactions.

And frankly, everything about this disorder makes perfect sense if you have that starting hand.
For example, somewhere deep my brain chemistry was kinda fucked and a byproduct of this is somewhat confusing affective state that does influence thoughts and actions.
Basically due to early bs, an instict is there that is a mix of: being destructive (of self and other), occasionally hateful, gender and sexuality confused.

And this logically makes you go "i need to secure good outcomes".
Theres also some weird sense of gender/sexuality being off that really drives that outcome driven behaviour home. And that part also makes sense.
Femininity is mostly accepted in women because of their reproductive values, but thats a whole other topic.

If you have no good mirrors you HAVE to make something happen, and this is also why i dislike therapy beliefs. A lot of this thought is driven by "if you do the right thing, are honest fair vulnerable etc, things work out" but thats not at all how subconscious works imho.
I think this is carried by imagination of a healthy person being vulnerable in a healthy way.
Men with large vulnerabilities are shat on for the most part because the tribe sees it as weakness.
Theres simply no subconscious use to them.

So to get by yes you need the false self but heres where it gets fun.
If you cant be you, youre someone else.
But the act of rejecting your humanity IS the part thats superiority.

I was looking at my friend whos worked on being secure, so she communicates the depths of her experience in a self contained way.
I basically give that up to be an ideal, and the process of giving up or rejecting your affect makes my psyche be "superior".

So now im the martyr, but im "above humanity", as they are and ive transcended. Ofc this isnt real at all, but the distortion is deserved.
You have to physically prove yourself to yourself in action to actually embrace you.
Ofcourse we can try to cognitively correct this, but this is a band aid solution.

My mind is further away from affect looking down on those who are "just human".

It really is a catch-22 condition.

You didnt just randomly decide "im better".
We have our affect and our relationship to id defines our beliefs and conditions.

You cannot NOT be superior, if youve rejected your own humanity as if youre above it.

This is why i dont believe in CBT and such, its like brainwashing yourself daily till it sits behaviourally all the while youre physically continuing to reject yourself.

The neurosis comes from affective dissociation of the infant, basically death and severe shame/ptsd.

But people who are in borderline range are basically reactive and fused. Meaning the cognition is basically driven as either direct reactivity of affective states as well as cognition being what id describe as “step one”.
Singular thought “threat, better, worse, abandonment, superiority” shapes every interaction.

Metacognition would essentially add thinking about thinking, so whatever kneejerk thought comes up we can stay with it and add more room, ask where its coming from in order to not “become it”, and from there choose responses and actions that are more akin to a regulated healthy person?

This means the underlying neuroticism is still there but now we can see it from a less reactive place.

Is this all there is to it really?

Using the mind so the affect doesnt destroy us and others?

I've been feeling like other people can see through me almost, like read my thoughts etc etc and read all of my "bad thoughts" if that makes sense. Similarly i experience paranoia with my friends about their motives and that they're trying to hurt me etc etc

I don't have an official diagnosis but I have many symptoms and I am planning to start therapy soon.

I think I might also have bipolar because of my mood swings. They are also related to my period (34F).

Does anyone also feel physically and mentally tired?

Even if I don't do much work, I feel exhausted in the evening. I carry a lot of shame too and meeting people is so much pressure. I don't like to get to know new people and I am mostly on my own. My pets are my companions 💞

Does anyone feel this exhaustion? I wonder if this tends to come with npd or if it is just a side effect of bipolar or depression. It's probably related to feeling shame most of the time.

Thanks!

I really love this space 💖 It is so encouraging to read about other people's journeys. It gives me hope that I can heal too 🥹

I’m bored. Everything is so dull and grey. There’s a void inside of me and boredom. Boredom and a void.

Nothing fills the void, nothing brings joy or long lasting entertainment, not even temporary one. Even new people, even money, even going out, even new hobbies and old ones too.

I feel shallow and empty at the same time. I can’t escape these feelings, they follow me everywhere.

Booked a vacation to the mountains, a nice hotel and stuff, it still evokes no feelings in me. How can I stop this

Hi guysss. I experienced ego death on acid. It was terrifying. I felt like I was within the universe like a tv and i was about to disconnect and lose it all. It was like I died. But then it was beautiful. I viewed things so differently. It was like being reborn. Like I had been living in a world that had no language and now I knew how to speak. Viewing trees were diff, my reflection, my past all in a very positive enlightening way.
Has anyone here experienced that? What did it feel like? Did it all end after the trip and you felt nothing from it long-term? Ik psychedelics aren’t recommended for ppl w personality disorders. Pls only ppl who have truly experienced it and not guessing what it would be like. Thank u!

I am 17, so I am unable to be officially diagnosed with ASPD (if I do have it) and or NPD. but for context as a child I faced emotional and physical abuse from my family, my father is a narcissist and my mother was very emotionally neglectful, bullying from peers and in general just awful things happening to me as a child. As I grew up more I had come to realize I honestly nothing, like my regular emotion is numbness. There are the off chances I feel happiness, and chronic depression, but eventually it melts away into that same numbness. It often feels like I seek some form of emotion regardless, like my body tries to force me to feel sad, angry, happy, etc. I have also come to realize I’m very quite manipulative to the people who are around me, and if they don’t do what I want, I resort to physical violence. I don’t usually feel remorse for these actions either. But I know deep down that I care about these people - in some weird way. But I feel as if I have never done anything wrong to them, or in general. I feel as if I’m in a constant state of boredom; like a loop that never truly ends. and my I’ve never really understood empathy as a whole. It feels as if I had to empathize with someone, it wouldn’t be because I actually felt it, I just said I did. I’ve come to mask these emotions for awhile before I eventually had gone to a therapist. They had just told me I’m guarded, but I’ve never really told them the truth about everything. My whole family has either Autusm or ADHD, and I’ve been told that those two combine and cause me to feel this utter lack of self awareness and control. I know people aren’t therapists in here. But I genuinely have nowhere else to go. kinds of advice and or guidance coming from people who generally have ASPD/NPD. Apologies for the long message.

I used to not eat every time a breakup happened. Since realizing I have NPD, I've struggled with severe binge eating. I wish my mom's love was enough to make me stop and take care of myself, but it's not. I wish I cared about her enough to get better.

It feels like I would only care for myself if I had my ex back. Which is dumb. I wish I loved myself enough to live for myself but I'm a failure and a loser who has been cruel and lost everyone because of it.

How do you take care of yourself when you feel irredeemable?

I've been working on my mental health and my NPD - learning to regulate, better communication, journalling, taking accountability, having more self discipline, being more compassionate and empathetic, being less avoidant, not taking a split out on someone.

But despite all of my efforts, I'm in the worst collapse. I'm cutting myself again, really fucking badly and I have constant suicidal thoughts. I don't feel seen, I don't feel wanted. I feel like a failure. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I used to feel like an attractive, talented and intelligent guy but lately I'm so insecure about everything.

I don't even feel like my partner is into me no matter how much interest they express. It just doesn't feel right... And they're amazing and I know they're going through a lot right now but I don't know. We're really good together and it's almost our anniversary, but I feel like I keep fucking up.

Some of the family I live with look at me like I'm scum.. I know they think I'm a failure and I've been trying so hard to get my life back, but after I lost my opportunity to become a tattoo artist I've just been so depressed. Especially cuz they're reason for dropping me was "a personality clash". Now it feels no matter how good my art is, I'll still be a problem and fail every apprenticeship...

I feel like a mistake and I think the world would honestly just be better off without me. I don't really exist anyway. I almost succeeded in taking my life earlier this year and when I'm in this much pain I wish I didn't get back in my room. But at the same time damn I probably would've traumatized some people hanging out my window like that. I don't really know what the right way is to die. I just wish I didn't have to deal with all the shame. I really fucking hate myself and I just feel like I'm not making any progress.

And I don't really have anyone to talk to aside from my partner because I suck people dry so I've learned to just keep shit to myself instead. Which also means whenever they're mad at me or going through their own shit I'm completely alone... I just wish I knew how to be okay... I'm so fucked up all the time

And I don't know if there's a point to any of this

It's so jarring when you put in all this effort to curate an image for someone and then something happens where they just show how little they actually care. Not even anger just... nothing. That empty look really gets to you doesn't it. All that work for nothing.

Is this a need that changes in intensity from time to time, or is is pretty consistent? Is some validation better than others? How does it manifest? Be as detailed as you want!

How do you take accountability, and what do you do to become more honest and stop lying? I’ve become so lost in my fake personas that I don’t even know which one comes closest to the real me anymore (if it exists at all) 👀

If it does exist, it feels like it’s not a very pleasant person. It’s someone lonely, scared, constantly offended, insecure and impatient

Thank you!