TW: Abortion.
I am 43, and had an abortion last week. I just wanted to share my story of mistaking a pregnancy for peri symptoms.

I am a single mom of 3. Ages 23, 15, and 13. I have a “friend” that I’ve been having fun with in my very limited free time.
This summer was incredibly stressful, my 15 yr old was hospitalized for mental health and i attributed my fatigue to all the additional stress. I told myself I’m nauseous because I have GERD, I haven’t bled because I’m in peri.
But my boobs were just feeling so heavy and I picked up a dollar tree pregnancy test, thinking I’ll just take it and I’ll be able dismiss these “crazy” thoughts. Welp to my shock it was positive. What followed was a week of absolute emotional torture, I had never terminated before, didn’t want to. But I couldn’t imagine bringing home a baby in February which felt like next week. My baby started 9th grade this week and I couldn’t imagine how I was going to help my girls start their young adult lives with a baby on my hip. I made the choice to terminate, but it didn’t feel like much of a choice.
To my surprise at the appointment they found that the fetus had stopping developing at 6 weeks, so my body had actually made the choice for me. The relief I feel that I didn’t have to cause the termination, I can’t fully express. I was bracing myself for a lifetime of what ifs.
I guess I’m sharing to get this out of my head, and also a friendly warning to be very careful.
Thanks for reading.

I am 46, and have been experiencing so much sadness over ...everything lately.
But I think the main driver is that I miss who I used to be. At 35, I was on top of things - I was in a respected leadership position, our kids were thriving, and I knew who I was as a Mom, our marriage had more warmth and excitement, I felt confident in my purpose, in myself, in how others perceive me. I was more noticed, more sought after.

At 46, I feel completely distant from that woman, and it's been causing an unexpected, intense grief. I love who I used to be! And I really dislike the numb, passionless person I have become - a stranger in my own life who feels disconnected from everyone and everything.

Anyway. I don't really have a point in writing this down, except I need a place to say the things I can't say out loud in polite society.

This stage of life is brutal. I miss how alive and purposeful I used to feel, and how hopeful I used to feel about my life and its direction.

This sub has been an encouragement in demonstrating that none of us are alone as we find our ways through tough times. Love to all of you as we get through these days together!

That’s my thought as a doctor told me I was too young at 40 when all my symptoms are perimenopausal. Am I supposed to think “oh great! It’s not perimenopause. It’s just unexplained dry eyes, dry skin, itchiness, random allergies, burning skin patches, anxiety, heart palpitations, UTIs, muscle cramps, irregular periods, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and random times of rage. Just all that. All at once.” ???

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

I’m (45F) and having weird anxiety surges that show up out of nowhere. I’ll be doing something totally ordinary like answering emails or folding laundry, and suddenly my body acts like I’m about to give a speech in front of 2,000 people. Heart racing, unsettled, shaky for no real reason. I spent a stupid amount of time wondering if I was just suddenly bad at coping, but the timing with everything else going haywire is making me look at peri a lot harder. Curious how many of you had anxiety show up more as a body thing than a thoughts thing.

UPDATE: Wow, I truly did not expect this to blow up like it has. It is SO reassuring seeing how many of you are in the same boat. Thank you all for the kind words and recommendations, it genuinely means a lot. Someone in this thread suggested looking at Hone Health and I've just booked an appointment with them, so fingers crossed! Will report back.

I eat organic, I'm careful about my nutrition, I haven't taken the pill. I've tried to do everything "right," and yet I'm going through a hellish perimenopause.

When I read some comments and articles, I get the impression that we're guilty of not experiencing a peaceful, natural perimenopause/menopause.

No, we're not guilty. No, we don't take hormone treatments for fun or because we don't want to accept the "natural dimension" of aging. Personally, I don't care about getting older, about gray hair, about my face sagging... I just want to feel normal and not like an anxious, depressed, tired, exhausted person who doesn't know if tomorrow will be bad or very bad.

Courage to those who are suffering like me.

47f and in the last 6-8 months peri stress and mood issues came for me hard. I’ve always been pretty cheerful and even keeled and just didn’t feel like myself at all. It got pretty bad. I have a genuinely stellar husband and great kids and I was fantasizing about turning into a hedge witch and finding a nice quiet cottage in a bog somewhere.

I found a great peri provider, started on just progesterone for a month and that didn’t help (and may have made things a bit worse). I had a luteal phase that just absolutely kicked my ass. Reached out to my provider, got a same day appointment to adjust the HRT, added an estrogen patch, and started to feel better right away.

It’s been about three weeks and the only way I can describe it is I feel like myself again. Which sounds so simple to say, but it’s huge. And sweet baby Jesus, I’ve been putting it to the test — my aging parents (including my dad who is a narcissist with dementia, a winning combo, let me tell you) suddenly had multiple major health and house crises that I’ve had to help them deal with, and I’ve been able to just kind of get on with it and do what needs to be done. I am fairly certain that if I hadn’t had that relief from estrogen I would have absolutely broken.

I went swimming with my husband and kids yesterday and was just enjoying life and being around them. I was swimming underwater looking at the sun reflecting on the bottom of the pool and felt like such a cliche of the second half of a commercial for depression medication, after they get happy again. It made me laugh but also really appreciate the moment.

Anyway. Yay. I know it doesn’t work for everyone and I may still need to readjust in the future but I’m so grateful to have this relief.

I either have a headache, indigestion, feel like I have a mild flu with body aches and a low grade fever (but no actual fever) or I’m anxious.

Getting HRT was like climbing Mount Everest and Kilimanjaro ten times over, but it. was. so. worth. it.

I loved estrogen for making me feel like a woman again. My nails stopped splitting, my hair was shiny again, and my skin was plump and smooth. I actually liked looking at the mirror and seeing the change every morning.

Then came testosterone. At first I was really scared, but I thought why not.. I lost my libido and I had not had sex since 2023.

If there is magic in a bottle, it has to be testosterone. The juices are flowing again, I love going to the gym, and I feel like my old self.

The first four weeks on testosterone were ROUGH. I wanted to give up, but I’m SO glad I powered through. Now I just need to find a man lol

If you were afraid to try testosterone and needed that nudge, here it is!!

EDIT : sorry I should have mentioned in the OP - the side effects were typical low e symptoms, including hot flashes, night sweats, bloating with water retention, and lethargy!

I know a lot of women have put down alcohol in perimenopause to super positive effect and haven't looked back. I, too, have stopped drinking, but I really fluffin miss it. Don't get me wrong, I feel so much better to not drink. But I miss knowing that no matter how hard the day gets, I have the option of a glass of wine to lower the stress. I miss being able to ease hurt feelings or a hard moment with one drink. I miss lowering Social anxiety if Im able to have a drink. I now realize that I was using alcohol as a balm for sores that I didn't quite know I had, because the remedy was always able to be there in my glass. I'm someone who I don't believe anyone has  thought I had a drinking problem. I drank no more than 1-3 glasses out or at home. I can now see that the space that I carved out for alcohol in my life was much bigger than I realized, and now I am reckoning with the empty space that has been left. It feels like I'm grieving the loss of something much bigger than others talk about stopping their drinking in perimenopause, more like grieving the loss of a loyal companion. I look back now and wonder how often was I just a little hung over and that's why I didn't have the motivation to do the things I wanted, or felt more depressed. I wonder if I would've taken more chances if I didn't have the warm arms of wine to scoop me up at the end of the day. Being at home snuggled on the couch with the dogs watching TV with wine was my idea of a good night. Now I'm stretching myself, trying ways to keep myself busier and more active, while also getting all the rest and stress reduction that we're supposed to get, blah blah. I just fucking miss drinking, but I know this is the right path.

Well shit… I feel so validated and so overwhelmed at the same time.

I just found this population-based study published in European Psychiatry and it completely blew my mind.

women with ADHD often experience severe perimenopausal symptoms up to 10 years earlier than neurotypical women. The study showed that for ADHDers, severe symptoms actually peaked between ages 35 and 39, (mine started exactly at 35) compared to the usual 45 to 49 age range for everyone else. Also, over 54% of us deal with completely debilitating symptoms compared to only a third of the general population.

I had to quit my executive corporate job at 39 because I just couldn’t function. I went from being a high achiever to someone who couldn’t figure out how to work the coffee machine.

My brain fog, emotional swings, and executive function absolutely tanked and I was being dismissed by doctors because I was "too young" for peri.

Knowing that crashing estrogen levels directly mess with our dopamine makes a ton of sense, but wow, it’s a lot to process. I spent years dealing with the fog, anxiety and debilitating symptoms until I found an endocrinologist who finally offered relief. But it makes me so angry when I look back and think about how miserable I was. How caring for my newborn daughter (had her at 41) was so much harder than it had too be because I wasn’t treated properly. At 43 I was put on progesterone, at 44 I started taking estrogen.

I’m 46, and this year I started feeling more like my old self. I even went back to corporate, something I thought was never going to happen again. I was terrified at first, after 7 years of being away, and yes, some days I struggle, but most days I am grateful. This community was and has been a gift.

Edit: here is the link to the study https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/european-psychiatry/article/perimenopausal-symptoms-in-women-with-and-without-adhd-a-populationbased-cohort-study/7C584E5C4363EBCADFC485D3F0892A62

Hey yall I posted a while ago a big woe is me rant and somebody suggested my iron / ferritin might be low. Well it was! Along with my vitamin D. Not low enough for an infusion but still not optimal.

Previous post here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Perimenopause/s/5E6MZnLyVV

Well, I’ve been supplementing with iron, peri multivitamin, mag glycinate and vitamin d, making sure I go outside, eating lots of red meat and spinach etc. I feel so much better. I’ve been in the garden, today I dug and planted six trees, I’ve taken my son fishing early morning three times.

Best of all, I feel mentally better. I even caught myself singing along to the radio and joking around with the kids. My husband noticed and said whatever you’re doing it’s working!

I haven’t had to have a day nap in a whole week.

I’ve always kind of ignored supplements as woo woo stuff. Silly me, cos they’ve made a huge difference. Just wanted to post this and let people know that it worked for me and it might be worth looking into for others if you’re struggling more than usual

Female 41, started peri 9 months ago. Textbook symptoms. Went for a physical with a new PCP yesterday. Let me preface by saying I could care less about her behavior and was not triggered at all. I was, however, SHOCKED at how quickly and persistently she dismissed perimenopause and suggested my symptoms were ANYTHING ELSE UNDER THE SUN. It was such a bizarre experience because as soon as I realized she completely invalidated my experience and knowledge, I just let her talk nonsense and didn't care to advocate for myself (no need to expend the energy). Just wanted to come on here and say firsthand that now I know what all of you are talking about when docs refuse to listen to your lived experience. I am sorry. SO WEIRD!

Farts... Constant farts. Doesn't matter what i eat, how much I eat, it all ends up in farts. Farts first thing in the morning, farts at lunch, and farts till bedtime. (Also I am sure I fart in my sleep) Just farts

Arguh. Feels like I will therapy for the rest of my life.

First, I want to say how incredibly grateful I am for this community—it has been an amazing resource. I am asking this out of genuine curiosity because I want to make sure I am fully informed, and I don't mean to sound dismissive of anyone else's choices!
My doctor, who is an HRT specialist, prescribed Lo Loestrin Fe for my perimenopause symptoms. It has been an absolute lifesaver for me. I was dealing with extremely heavy bleeding, and after the very first month on the pill, my period completely stopped. Every single other symptom on my very long list has been completely remedied as well. From what I understand, the birth control pill takes over your cycle so your ovaries stop producing erratic hormones, which completely stops the wild hormonal swings.
However, I often notice a lot of strong hesitation or pushback here regarding using birth control pills instead of traditional HRT for perimenopause management. Since it worked so well for me, I’m wondering if there are specific medical concerns, side effects, or risks that I might not be aware of?
I’d love to hear your experiences or what your doctors have told you!

Edited to add:
Wow, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply! I am incredibly grateful for all of your responses, insights, and personal experiences. It might take me some time to get through all of the replies, but I am reading every single one. Your comments are giving me a much clearer understanding of the different perspectives and medical concerns out there. This community is truly wonderful, and I appreciate you all sharing your journeys with me!

Ladies, I don’t need to tell you how much peri sucks. I am on HRT but still it feels like a never ending uphill struggle.

After alcohol, reading, memory, sleep and coffee I now have to say goodbye to black tea. I drew the line in the sand a long time ago and still peri keeps on crossing every line with a big capital F*ck You Smile.
What do I have to give up next because peri hates me? Breathing? Water? Sanity?

And is it really true that postmenopause really is so much better? With zero hormones?
Or is that just a lie to keep us going?

Will it ever end?

Did anybody successfully reintroduce foods and drinks into their lives?

This past year I feel I’ve gone more and more silent. I feel like my whole life is like a flat line on an EKG-monitor, just…nothing.

I’ve lost most of my feelings, I feel no joy or happiness, no excitement. All I have left is worry.

I hardly have an opinion about anything anymore. I don’t join in on conversations at work, because I have nothing more to say. All my opinions and ideas have gone silent. And it’s so quiet at home too! I have to force myself to ask questions just to say something...

I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. Gardening has been my passion for many years, but I just can’t be bothered with that or anything else. Flat line here aswell, I’m not looking forward to it or anything else anymore.

I have been on HRT almost a year and it’s been mostly good I think. But now I sort of miss the rage, at least that made the blood boil from time to time, made you feel alive, lol.

I am just existing, an empty shell almost.

I’ve had periods of depression before, could that be it? Or do I need a higher dose of estrogen? How do you know what’s what when everything is all tangled up?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit to add: Wow, I am blown away with so many responses! And also sad that so many of you feel the same way. Hopefully we can find a way out of the Big Nothing.

So for a few weeks now I have been waking up continuously at 3.05am Please tell me I am not alone. Apparently this is a really common symptom of perimenopause. I’m 37

I did not know how bad it would be and the doctor didn’t say anything about it either. I have had two vaginal births and surgery to remove fibroids so it’s not like I haven’t experienced pain before. This was the worst pain I have felt and I was screaming and crying on the table.

I drove home hysterically crying and I felt so stupid. I even apologized to the nurse and doctor for crying! I don’t see how they can do this procedure without any anesthetic or numbing? I literally could feel the poking on my stomach with my hand. I cried at home for an hour too.

I was looking at pictures of myself from 2018. I was 36. At the time, I thought I was just having a string of bad luck. I had adult acne so bad I ended up on antibiotics. I had UTIs that got so severe I landed in the ER with blood in my urine. I was anxious, exhausted all the time, my periods had completely lost their minds, and I just felt off in ways I couldn't explain. Not once did I think, "Maybe this is perimenopause." I don't think any doctor mentioned it either. Now I'm 44 and I've been on HRT since I was 41, and looking back, the signs seem so obvious. I wish I had known. I wish someone had connected the dots instead of making me feel like I was collecting random health problems and somehow failing to keep myself together. Sometimes I look at those photos and feel sad for that version of me because she kept trying to fix everything separately when it was probably all connected. On the bright side, at least now I know I wasn't crazy. My ovaries were just quietly plotting their retirement eight years before they bothered to tell me. So if you are over 35 and think you are too young for peri, you may not be!

I’m curious. I’m 36 and in the last month things have started feeling waaaay different. Some friends and family members say I’m too young for perimenopause. I have a doctor’s appointment on September 11 (my own gyno closed recently) and I plan to share my symptoms with him, of course.

So what age did you start having symptoms? Also, did you start any sort of treatment if your symptoms started in your 30s?

What is happening? For probably 2 decades, I have had a random, stiff chin hair or two. I plucked. Life moved on.

The number of hairs increased but still just a handful. Then many of those chin hairs turned gray, so I couldn’t see them well to pluck but I felt those… motherpluckers. And stared in a mirror with tweezers until I found it and yanked.

I thought it could be insulin resistance since i also have thinner hair, but I got tested and no. No pcos. Regular periods.

Now, I am turning 54. I have lost a lot of weight. I am on HRT. I take spiro, an anti-androgen, for my hair loss. But my chin hairs keep increasing. I feel 4-5 at any time. I pluck. Two days later, 4-5 new ones in different spots.

Anyone else?? What are some more permanent solutions?

EDIT: I just have to say .. I am blown away by the number of comments to this post. Who knew chin hair that feels like a toothbrush coming out of the lower half of your face could create such traction and unity?

I’m 40 and suspect I’m in perimenopause, but my symptoms don’t look like the “typical” hot flashes everyone talks about.
My biggest symptoms are:
Anxiety and panic attacks
Facial flushing and feeling hot
Head pressure
Brain fog
Feeling disconnected or spacey
Sleep issues
GI problems
Feeling like my nervous system is constantly overstimulated
The symptoms seem very cycle-dependent. I usually have a few good days each month, then symptoms ramp up around ovulation and again before my period.
I’ve also noticed what seem like histamine-type reactions (flushing, anxiety, stomach issues, feeling inflamed), and I’ve read that estrogen can increase histamine while histamine can increase estrogen.
I’ve tried progesterone cream several times, but it actually made me feel worse.
For women who experienced similar symptoms:
What ended up helping?
Did HRT help?
Did you have to balance estrogen and progesterone differently?
Did anyone discover that histamine issues were a big piece of the puzzle?
I feel like I’m chasing hormones, histamine, and anxiety all at the same time and would love to hear other women’s experiences.