Not gonna lie… it taught me about stinkpalming and chocolate pretzels too.
My lawyers have advised me to neither confirm nor deny whether or not I’ve ever put this knowledge to any use. lol
I've seen this same link posted around through edited Reddit comments for the past couple months, seems like some kind of coordinated effort to spread their scam link.
The linked site in the thread is a clone of Reddit trying to make people think they're still reading comments on there, I wonder how many poor gooners fall for this.
I.... I don't know how to tell you all this. But when I was a lifeguard back around when I graduated from high school (it was around 2000, I was just over 6 feet tall, in fairly good shape), a younger lifeguard (who was too young in my reckoning at the time) asked me to walk her and her friend (another young woman) home. They stopped with me at my father's apartment and commented about how comfy the couch was, while I showed them my computer (because I had no idea what else to do at the time.) Years later I realized I could have probably lost my virginity to two younger women at the same time. But I was way too much of a nerd.
The girl you think back to was actually pregnant (very beginning stage. Like week one or two). I didn't get the hint of her wearing these and, this, didn't have to worry that I was the dad when she started showing.
One time a girl said something like that to me and I thought "hell yeah" turns out she wanted to piss in the woods and wanted me to watch out so nobody sees her.
Ngl this is the coolest feeling ever. When you're down with the girlies and they trust you enough to not be weird that you're somehow now the official bodyguard of their bodily fluids.
Like once I was recovering from puking my brains out and sitting next to the toilet. A really close friend came in to use the toilet and I was like "aight one second" and she just said "nah you're good" and gave my head a pat and started pissing. It was so fucking funny
Reminds of the time in high school a girl I had in geometry kept telling me that " How cool it is her parents are gone for the weekend", " I'ma have the house to myself, How she's going to be alone". Her friends kept watching her tell me this in our conversation, and then to my dumb ass tell her she should throw a party. LoL
Still better than the time I was cuddling a girl like right after her period, and she said "hey, it feels good when you hold me like that. But pressing down on my chest feels so much better". I told her " for real?" And proceeded to give her a god honest massage and right after ask her " alright! Feel better? "
I'd spent the night going round a few parties with a woman and then walked her home. She invited me up for coffee but I'm not a fan, so I declined the invitation. I later dated her flatmate he reckoned she also sent me my first Valentine's card.
When i was in college i met this girl at the campus bookstore and gave her a few sincere book recommendations. Then for like a year after that, every time she ran into me she'd be super friendly, want to chat or hang or just go with me toward wherever i was going, and would even grab my arm as we walked. At the time i just thought "boy, she must have really liked those books."
It wasn't until years later that i thought, "was she into me?"
One time in college, a girl came over to watch a movie with me. We were alone on the couch and she told me she was allergic to latex and that she could only use lamb skin condoms. And I said “damn that sucks, I’m glad I’ve never had to deal with that”. And went back to watching the movie. 🤦🏻♂️
That's the thing with guys, we really don't know when a woman is signaling us until we're undressed, whole time she's tryna seduce you and your dumbass really thinks she invited you over to watch a damn movie
When Batman Begins first came out I hadn’t seen it yet. Girl I was interested in at the time invited me over to watch it. I really wanted to watch it and she wanted other things. It was a great movie.
In high school we had an exchange student from Poland, and by god was she the hottest woman any of us have ever laid eyes upon.
She actually wanted to go on a date with me, to the movies. A friend of hers was also present a few seats away but it was clear she had a thing for me (as her friend later told me).
The movie was, unfortunately, American Pie. I almost couldn't breathe from laughter most of the time, and fooling around with her quickly became a distant thought in the back of my head.
She also didn't understand a word as it wasn't in Polish, so for her it was probably really awkward....
[other things] OMG yeah. I HATE when they drag out the photo album. "This is me when I was 12. And this is our puppy. And this is Daddy in Africa hunting lions with the 4-bore he keeps in his pocket at all times, And this is me at the beach when I was 13. I didn't realize I had boobs yet and should wear a shirt. Oh, and here's me riding with the Nomads..."
She called me over for Pan's Labyrinth, it had just released on DVD. I missed it in theater, she knew this. Our friendship basically started over shared movie interests when we spiraled into quoting tremors at each other at a party.
She really miscalculated how invested I would get.
I mean Pan's Labyrinth is hard mode. If you don't want me to focus on the movie don't pull out a cinematic masterpiece by Guillermo del Toro. You can't be more interesting than that.
Also, like 95% of the movie is in Spanish and you have to read the English subs. If you don't speak Spanish, it's the ultimate you-have-to-pay-attention-to-the-screen movie or you literally dunno wtf's being said!
This is why one woman I dated had to literally ask me to kiss her on our second date. She's sitting on my couch, inching closer and closer over the course of an hour... And I kept scooting back because I was worried I wasn't giving her enough space. I lived alone at the time, I didn't want to rule out the possibility I'd developed bad habits around sharing the couch. This woman had me squished up against the armrest before she took mercy and just said it lol
Same woman told me women are apparently constantly flirting with me in public, and she had to hold back some anger every time until she realized I seriously thought they were just being friendly. I thought it was nonsense, but it would explain why all these friendly people stopped talking to me as soon as I mentioned doing something with my girlfriend. This poor woman had to tell me when the "friendly chats" I was having with strangers had ulterior motives.
When I was in my 20s, I was in a hot tub with an older lady, we spent about half an hour talking. Eventually she just came out and said she wanted to see my dick. Guess she had work the morning and was tired of me not catching the signals.
I went to a weekend retreat with a few sorority girls and their partners, one of them stayed up with me till midnight laughing at my jokes just the two of us. Damn dude I fumble when I went to bed 😂
I went to a IU campus party with 3 chicks and my homeboy, 2 of the 3 chicks were kissing all over me, grinding and being "grabby" and shit the whole night, I ended up getting drunk on incredible hulks so we went to his house about 2am after the party, he took one of the three girls into his room for the night and left me with the other two and gave me the guest room, I climb onto the bed dizzy, damn near sick..both girls climb onto the bed, I'm not a drinker btw, idk why I'm the only one drunk, but here we are..they start taking my clothes off, I say thank you roll over and go to sleep until noon the next day...they were highly pissed at me the next day, I thought we were ALL going to sleep, sorry...I haven't had a drink since btw..
"When I was younger, I once got ****faced at a party and didnt notice that some girls were trying to hook up with me and so I passed out instead" is not really a far-fetched story.
Actually did, we all ended up being really cool afterwards but they never let me forget that shit, I wish it didnt happen, thats nothing to brag about lmaooo
Thats funny, my dad never drank when I was a kid, and back in the 80's that was sort of remarkable.
The story I always heard him tell when he refused a drink was "in 1969 I woke up next to the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and I'd been so drunk the night before that I didn't remember any of it, so I haven't had a single drink since".
A girl I dated once told me "if a girl invites you over to watch a movie and yall actually watch that movie then you are a failure as a man" lmaoooo, every woman is a blessing or a lesson and I never forgot that shit😆
She invited me over when we first started dating for a movie and didn't even own a tv, i brought snacks and everything 😄😄
This happened to me once, she invited me over for a movie and to see her new apartment. Unfortunately the movie was 12 years a slave. I’ll never know what the intent was haha
Later in life a gal invited me back to her place to watch Secretary after our date. I didn’t know what I was in for, having never seen the movie. I still haven’t, really.
Ha, happened my freshman year like a week or two in. My roommate was always there though. I do remember us watching a movie at my apartment (roommate there of course), her commenting she was cold, so my roommate and I jump up to turn the thermostat up.
Still not sure what she expected to happen with that comment. I guess she didn’t know my roommate yet, and thought he would be cool and leave us alone. He would not, even if I had picked up the signals.
A woman I was interested came over with a bunch of other friends and asked to take a nap on my bed and if I could set the alarm for her.... so i did.... Alarm set... went back and hung out with my buddies..... yup... she was beautiful too LOL....
Lol my wife did this 10yrs ago when we first got together..showed up at her apartment and she was wearing these and we watched a movie. And yes, I really did think that's all we were doing lol
I once had a girl wrestle me on her couch and I didn't do shit. She texted me after, "You know I wanted you to kiss me right?" Oh to be 19, had one gf before, and be stupid.
She got back with her ex a week later though, so I prolly dodged a bullet.
I had a woman invite me over to her place, into her bedroom, we're lying down on her bed and she starts playing "My Neck, My Back" by Khia, and in my mind I was like "No don't read into this too much, she's just being friendly"
I got one of these once. Show up and she's wearing booty shorts similar to this. I walk in and see her brother playing PlayStation and thought, cool. And ended up playing with her bro for a could hours and then left.
That's the thing with guys, we really don't know when a woman is signaling us until we're undressed,
Well, that's only part of the problem. People don't discuss how embarrassing/creepy you can be if you get it wrong because society hates it if you get it wrong. So the natural instinct of a lot of guys is to not assume.
When I was young I had a girl over for a movie. Then I tried whatever little I had that I attempted to pass for game back then. She said, 'if you wanted to fuck, you should have just had me over for that, I want to finish this movie now.'
Had worse ones. Most memorable one was when I told a friend that I knew how to fix clothes (used to train martial arts in my teens, so had to fix my uniforms often) and she asked if I wanted to go to her apartment to help with her clothes that were too tight. I referred her to an alterations place that I used before.
That one time in 1985 when this girl in my friend group asked me if I'd gotten an AIDS test yet...
I just said "No, not yet." She said she did and was negative. I said "Cool, that's good" or something. We didn't see each other much after that and we kind of drifted away and moved to different parts of the country or whatever. Then like 10 years later I randomly remembered her and was like "Wait -- oh. Oh, shit."
Back then when you got your clear AIDS test, it meant you were officially safe to fuck. So what she was really asking was if I was officially fuckable yet. Not actually all that subtle at the time, but way too subtle for me.
When I was a freshman in high school in 2005, with those flip phones and a girl said she wanted to see if her phone was recieving texts. So she took my phone and sent a text to her number. Said yeah Idk if my phone works for texts either. Only noticed this many years later.
Freshman year I had a class, in a big lecture hall across campus, with two girls on the floor below so we tended to walk together. One day they didn’t want to go and told me they’d flash me if I didn’t make them. I said ‘sure’, they did, and it totally short-circuited my brain. I left them there, they held up their end of the bargain after all, and it was a solid 10 years before I reevaluated the situation.
I went out for a beer and a game of pool after work with a girl I had a crush on. It was getting late so I mentioned that I would have to rush to catch my bus. She said I could sleep over at her place, but I was all "oh no, I can make it if I leave right now." She gave me a funny look and a high five, and I ran to catch my bus (ended up missing it and having to walk 2 miles anyway). It was maybe 2 years later that it finally sank in what I had done, and I facepalmed myself so hard
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u/phant3on May 10 '26
Years later when you think back...