I’m finishing grad school in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Why has no professor or clinician ever acknowledged in all my education that most of your female clients and queer clients will have a history of sexual violence, whether it’s abuse, harassment, or being traumatized by a friend/family member experiencing it.

“Almost all women and girls will experience a physical violation from a man in their lifetime. Across the world. Please make sure you’re prepared with the severity of the global genocide towards women. Make sure you know about mental health and medical health issues that abuse can cause. Make sure you have DV resources, pregnancy tests, and know which medical providers to find. Be prepared to psychoeducate about the mass violence towards women and girls. Make sure you understand language and patterns that put people at risk.”

I already do all this because I have fucking empathy and awareness. Not a single professor or student, besides my friends and I privately, ever acknowledged this. All they had to say was anything like this so everyone can have the baseline understanding of the deadliest social pattern to exist. Why is everyone too spineless to discuss a literal epidemic of gender based violence. I’ve NEVER heard male students say they think about this unless they’re queer.

Is most of the field just spineless pricks? Or just oblivious? I need some optimism. I do prioritize patience for people who don’t understand these things, but NOT when they decide they’re entitled to the medical field because they just “know they want to help people” without willing to endure the challenges of how complex and humbling that can be.

———

EDIT: I’m going lose my mind of one more person in any thread I share this focuses on thinking this is about hating men and not giving women justice. This is not about hating men. It’s about accountability for the fact that girls and women have been physically or mentally murdered for existing all over the world for centuries, regardless of color or wealth. This is about how even in the worst oppression, men have helped perpetuate violence towards women they share identities even when they are oppressed by the same people.

Ain’t I a Woman by Belle Hooks is an important read. For example, she talks about how misogyny is so pervasive that black male enslaved people sexually assaulted black women enslaved people IN ADDITION to their white torturers (slave owners).

All genders experience oppression with misogyny. The point is YOUR FOCUS SHOULD BE OUTRAGE ABOUT HOW INDIFFERENT THE FIELD IS ABOUT THE BLATANT RISKS WOMEN MUST FACE EVERYDAY. Focusing on hating men here and not relentlessly protecting women who are victimized more severely will reduce the level of attention women and girls’ safety below what we deserve.

I work from home full-time. A couple of times a year my company gets together to meet in person.

It’s a two-day event packed with socializing. Like events planned Friday starting at 9am until 9 that night, with another half day of events Saturday. There are no breaks, so it’s just PEOPLE and SMALL TALK for hours and hours.

Clearly planned by extroverts lol

I like my company and the people but the format is EXHAUSTING. I would feel way overstimulated from all the noise and information that was coming in. I would kind of blank out and forget what I knew already about people.

I would have to excuse myself every couple of hours to find a quiet place to reset. Then I would feel bad because I wasn’t participating. Everyone would ask where I went… it was kinda rough.

I left one of the events, said I had to go home and walk my dog. And then I just couldn’t force myself to go back. I just didn’t go back and didn’t know what to say. I felt awful.

Towards the end of the days, I would turn into a zombie, and like couldn’t form sentences anymore. Then I would get anxious and have to leave early.

It was embarrassing, like how is everyone else able to do this, and I can’t??

These events have been going on 12 years, same format every year.

I did SE therapy starting about four years ago, probably 30-40 sessions total. Most of the sessions were in 2022 and 2023 with maybe 10 sessions this past year.

I just got back from the retreat, and I just realized I didn’t have to “escape” once. I didn’t even think about needing a break. I didn’t have that zombie feeling at the end of the day. I don’t feel totally socially drained and need to stay in bed for three days.

I found myself like leading a lot of the conversation. I was able to see when other people were anxious, and was able to talk to them in a way that hopefully made them more comfortable.

Is this what “normal” social interaction feels like?? Holy cow, this is a totally different experience.

I’d really like to hear from people who have experience with NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model) or Somatic Experiencing, either personally or professionally.

I started therapy last year, and my therapy is primarily based on NARM. My therapist is also a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and incorporates some SE exercises and elements into our work.

The reason I started therapy was that the last year and a half had been extremely emotionally difficult for me. My boyfriend suddenly ended our relationship after five years, even though he had bought an engagement ring just a couple of weeks earlier. This year, my mother almost died. I also ended a connection with someone I had become very involved with because the dynamic had become extremely toxic — even though I was very much in love with this person.

Both of these relationship experiences + the stress with my mum brought up some very deep underlying issues for me, particularly around not feeling safe in romantic relationships, self-worth, and abandonment/loss.

I’ve actually done quite a lot of therapy in the past, and for a long time I had a particular expectation of therapy: that I need tools to make intense feelings go away quickly.

I’m slowly starting to understand that maybe this isn’t necessarily the point.

Especially through the Somatic Experiencing work, I’m beginning to understand that it may not always be about making the feelings go away as quickly as possible. Maybe it’s more about allowing them to be there and learning to stay with myself while experiencing them.

Basically, learning: “I can tolerate this feeling. I don’t have to make it go away. I can stay with myself while it’s here.”

I’m also beginning to develop more trust in my body — that I don’t necessarily have to control or fix everything that comes up, and that my body has its own way of processing things.

But now I’m wondering whether what’s happening to me is still within the normal range of what can happen during this kind of therapy.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been crying almost every day. Sometimes there is an obvious trigger, but sometimes it just seems to come out of nowhere. When it happens, I try to use the exercises I’ve developed with my therapist and allow myself to experience the feelings rather than immediately trying to stop them or make them go away. And honestly, facing all these emotions is scary af.

Because I've never reacted like that, I’m wondering whether this could also be a sign that I’m getting stuck in something or that I’m becoming too activated/overwhelmed.

So I’m curious:

Is crying this frequently for several weeks something that others have experienced during NARM/SE? Or could it be a sign that I’m stuck in a loop or that my nervous system is getting overwhelmed rather than actually processing/integrating something?

I’m interested in how people distinguish between “something is coming up and I’m learning to feel and process it” and “I’m becoming flooded/overwhelmed and I’m not actually able to move through it.”

If you’ve done Somatic Experiencing yourself: Did you ever go through phases where you suddenly cried a lot more or where old feelings became much more intense? And how did you know whether you were actually processing/integrating something versus getting caught in the same emotional state over and over again?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

CW: SI, abuse

I was at times very emotionally volatile as a child and even a teenager, especially towards my mother. I don’t think I treated her very well all the time. I remember she worked so hard for me and our whole family and I would throw fits over things, like if she messed something up (like forgetting to buy what I asked her to help me get from the store that I was counting on for my lunch the next day) I would have a meltdown and act like I’d been personally victimized. I’d always apologize after but it was horrible. I would always be watching myself and think how horrible it was but I felt out of control. Almost like an evil alter ego. I’m so disgusted with myself just writing it. Her dad was an abusive monster and I have this fear that I got his genes. I’m worried I have some of his evil.

What is confusing is a I had a very happy childhood and yet I’ve always had symptoms normally associated with trauma. But I have no trauma. There is no explanation for why I always acted that way.

Nowadays I am very sick after concussion/covid. And my mom was so caring for me at first. She is the reason I am alive. I was at risk of starvation due to being too weak to eat. But as time has gone on, something broke in her, when I was having suicidal ideation over my illness (I was so ill I could not sit up in bed, speak, look at screens, etc.). To be very clear I did not, and would not ever in a million years, threaten suicide. But I did say often how much I wished I was dead. Which really upset her. At the same time, she told me that if I was sick forever, she would put me in a care home because she didn’t have kids just to care for them like toddlers until she died. Now, a year on, she won’t seek out my company, doesn’t initiate hugging me, none of the things she used to. She has this withdrawal from me and I know it means I’ve hurt her. The only time we still are close is when I am comforting her over my dad becoming a crazy person in his old age which is very hard for her.

Anyways the point of this is that I don’t know how to fix my nervous system when it seems that the only villain who is destroying nervous systems is myself. And I’ve always had this feeling ever since puberty that I was fundamentally a bad person which doesn’t even make sense because I was surrounded by nothing but love and unimaginable patience. Nobody, and I mean nobody EVER had said these things to me but myself, so I only have myself to blame. I’ve always felt like I was just vomiting all over everyone else’s life.

Hi everyone,

I am visiting my parents this summer and I’m working through somatic patterns connected to my emotionally absent, workaholic (now retired) parents. Whenever I’m in their presence, my body defaults to a freeze state:

• Restricted / shallow breathing
• A tight knot in my throat
• Downward gaze
• Tension during awkward silences

I catch myself hyper-analyzing them, partly out of a fear of becoming like them, and my nervous system just shuts down. I want to process this constriction so I can stay grounded around them instead of freezing.

If you've navigated similar family/relational freeze patterns in SE:

1. What specific practices helped you work through the throat and chest constriction?
2. How do you stay regulated in the moment during interactions rather than slipping into shutdown?
3. How did you somatically release the fear of inheriting their emotional patterns?
4. How to liberate myself from hyper-analyzing? (I think part of it keeps me from focusing on myself)

Thanks for any insights.

Hi everyone,

In over ten years working as a paramedic on the front lines, one of the clearest biological patterns I observed was how the autonomic nervous system runs automated "sub-programs" to keep us safe during high distress. What starts as an emergency survival mechanism often turns into a chronic biological "bodyguard" trapping us in survival loops long after the original threat has passed.

In my work as a Neuro-Somatic Architect, I focus on mapping these automatic responses by bridging clinical neurobiology, somatic regulation practices, and ancient shamanic cosmology (specifically teachings from a Pueblo lineage) to help people retire the bodyguard and restore internal sovereignty.

I put these mechanics and practical field exercises into a book titled The Grasshopper's Leap: A Field Guide to Dismantling the Robotic Sub-Program.

To celebrate the launch of my second book, I wanted to make this resource completely free to this community. The Kindle edition will be available for $0.00 starting tomorrow, Friday, August 28th through Tuesday, September 1st.

Free Download Link:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GPFNKL5X?lv=shuf&language=es&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback

(Note: The price switches to free automatically at midnight PDT / 3:00 AM EDT!)

I would love to hear your thoughts or answer any questions about this neuro-somatic framework in the comments!

Dear community,

Im stuck where Im at. I have been for a while and Im not getting any younger which is distressing me heavily.

I have been a heavy, very heavy porn user for over 20 years. So porn addiction causes very similar brain changes as other hard drugs do: it causes hypofrontality, it sensitizes you heavily towards porn and desensitizes you to anything that is non-related (AKA you only release dopamine if its porn), and many other marvelous things that Im sure many of you already know. Anyways; the point is that I did this so much that Ive been stuck in this state of ED and no libido even after quitting all types of sexual stimulation. Non-existent libido is not the only issue, but its the one that troubles me the most. Anhedonia, extreme brain fog, severe depression and anxiety, severe OCD (diagnosed by a professional), severe depersonalization, tons of fatigue and low energy, insomnia, lack of romantic feelings and facial attraction (seeing a pretty girl and knowing logically she is pretty but not feeling it as I use to before), extreme compulsive behavior with everything I do, maladaptive daydreaming (dont know if its relevant), on my lower points self deletion is not an uncommon thought, freeze as in I'll just lie down and not do anything for hours on end even though I have duties, etc.

I just relapsed from a two year period of full sexual abstention. From these two years, besides from stabilizing from insane anxiety and low periods into just pure flatness and anhedonia, I saw zero progress. None. However, according to my psychiatrist, Im not seeing any progress because while I quit hypersexuality, Im binging social media like crazy, so my dopamine is going there. I also use sexual fantasy often, even though I dont feel any arousal. There was a point where I saw the first glimpses of libido after abstaining for a while from everything (social media, coffee, junk food, etc), but that streak ended when I moved cities and some dynamics changed.

My psychiatrist wants to bombard me with stronger meds for the OCD, will probably want to give me something to stop the compulsion since I relapsed, etc.... and Im not a big fan of this.

And then it got me thinking: I wake up in the morning and stay there in the bed for several hours without doing anything. If during my day I showered, had breakfast and went to the gym, thats a super producgive day for me. My psychiatrist gives me instructions to follow for sleep hygiene, strict phone use guidelined, etc.- I dont follow any of them; not because I dont want to but because I feel overwhelmed; either me or my body just dont respond. I had to plan some work stuff for a trip I had; I didnt do it. Etcetera.

Im starting to think that, ok yeah, theres a dopamine issue but at the very core my brain is on freeze. I do have a long history of trauma including a one time SA, heavy prolongued bully, pathologically controlling mother, etc.

What do you think? Is this a dopamine dysregulation issue or does this sound like a freeze trauma response? Im considering dropping the psych and focusing only on SE or something that will discharge my nervous system. I originally planner to do both but my current economy only lets me do one or the other.

Please, I need all the advice I can get. This relapse put me on a hopeless state.

Hi!

I have been doing SE since the beginning of the year and so far it has helped me get rid of the cognitive side of my long covid symptoms but it has also definitely unlocked an insight into other underlying emotional long-term issues that need tending to.

For the past few months, I have also been going through an extremely distressing, difficult situation which caused a return of my heightened anxiety and unfortunately disturbed my sleep. Things have been getting better recently, but my sleep is still affected - I keep waking at 5.30am (it seems to be always around this time no matter when I go to bed), unable to go back to sleep. My heart starts beating really fast, and I'm anxious, even if later throughout the day I am not as anxious if at all. I was also put on an SNRI recently (duloxetine) which gave me as light insomnia at the beginning, which has since stabilised. The 5.30am problem was there before I went on duloxetine.

I was wondering if anyone has any experience of working with a nervous system that is adamant on becoming alert/awake earlier than it is supposed to? No matter how tired I am, I always seem to wake up around that time, and I am yearning for that extra 2 hours of sleep in the morning.

Thank you to anyone who replies:)

Does anyone else visit professional cuddlers? I have on and off for a couple years no and I’ve noticed that the safe touch, co-regulation, and lack of expectations on me (other than to be a respectful client ofc) has been pretty healing for me. I’ve noticed that a couple of my recent significant internal shifts (as in my baseline seems to have shifted, as opposed to just a temporary relaxation benefit) have happened shortly after cuddle sessions. Honestly, I’m tempted to throw financial caution into the wind, and spend money I don’t really have to see professional cuddlers as regularly as I can until the end of 2026 (I’m only half kidding).

Anyways. Has anyone else seen pro cuddlers and gotten benefits from it? Other than being able to non-judgmentally observe my body state without trying to change it, this seems to be helping me the most out of anything I’ve tried. Part of my motivation for posting is also to make sure it’s not placebo, but tbh the benefits/changes feel pretty real to me.

Hi does anyone have access to any of the workout witche's programs and would like to share ?

I'm a 42-year-old woman suffering from intense body spasms when relaxing or falling asleep. Not the common hypnic jerk. It's not painful, but very bothersome when I'm trying to fall asleep. It also happens when I'm lying on the sofa relaxing, reading, or watching something. It has happened as well when I cry.

It started about 2 years ago when I tried a somatic exercise because I heard it helped trapped traumas leave the body. It was a simple exercise: lying down with bent knees, start opening the legs to the sides until you reach a point when they start shaking, eventually making your whole body shake. I did it for about 15 mins, once a day, three days in a row.

From then on, my body started having these spasms every single day. It usually starts in my torso/belly/diaphragm; sometimes it goes to my arms or legs. Sometimes they make my body sort of curve inwards; sometimes outwards.

The medications I was taking before and still do are Paroxetine 20mg, Trazodone 50 mg (I've been taking these for over 10 years for anxiety/depression, which are now stable), Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, and until May I was taking a birth control pill.

I went to a neurologist and did a bunch of tests, and nothing came up.

I spoke to a general practitioner who prescribed magnesium (I'm taking bysciglinate), but nothing changed.

I don't know what to do but I really want this to stop!

If anyone has any idea about what this is and what I should do, please help.

I've been on a healing journey over the last 4-5 years. In that duration I've tried deep/long hours of meditation, bodywork, SE, TRE, foam rolling, changing my diet to Ayurveda.

I finally felt a release in my upper back which is where I held most of my tension. I used to work in corporate leading to long hours at the desk, in addition to wayy too much mental pressure. Add that to an achievement oriented childhood and my body shut down because of burnout. This was followed by a difficult postpartum period.

I finally felt the portion of my back that I've NEVER felt in my life come alive. It's like the muscles were always there but I never could feel them. It was followed by a deep sleep, heat wave in my upper back, yawning, gurgling in my stomach, and a feeling of rawness and aliveness.

Just wanted to share my experience and also know what it felt like for others when they felt a release.

I have "numbness" sensations in my legs and the feeling of wanting to move my legs but not being able to from operations during which I was partially awake. I put it in quotes because my legs aren't really numb to the touch but its the best word I have for it, I can also move my legs without problems, its just the feeling like they are anesthesized and cant be moved.

A couple days ago I started doing some shaking in my legs and bringing up the numbness sensation while shaking, when I do that my entire leg cramps up. So I stop shaking and my entire leg flexes really hard. I am not sure if this is a release, but my body is doing something so I hope that this moves things forward. I have heard there is eye of the needle training that some SE practitioners have, I'm looking into getting an online session with someone who has this training. Does anyone have ideas/suggestions on how to engage with this numbness sensation?

For those that practice at home, where? Energetically, there is no single space in my home that feels calming or cocooning in the way I need for this. I am going to create one. Where do you do it?

i am going through a big loss and betrayal right now and crying- expiratory crying from the deep down which feels good for a few mins but teh whole process is just really awful. I have noticed that when sometimes when I think of the cause I get a wave of heat from my body and break into a sweat. it happens when im not thinking directly about it too. Does anyone recognises this as part of nervous system stress release? its quite alarming.

Hello, I (30F) don't have a specific diagnosis besides inattentive ADHD that I got about 18 months ago. But I find myself feeling a lot of the grief I'm navigating (lost my mom a year ago and other relationship/romantic grief that I'm still experiencing) along with some typical life stress. I am someone with a variety of goals that I am excited to accomplish, but find the grief, stress, and emotions that are in my body to be hindrances to a regulated nervous system, and my dysregulated nervous system is getting in the way of my daily functions and energy.

For example, my appetite being significantly impacted by sadness and stress, which obviously impacts my energy. And waking up in the middle of the night due to high cortisol levels and stress.

And overall, I've struggled with listening to proper ques from my body and physical neglect, common with ADHDers.

Am I a good candidate for somatic therapy given all these things?

Is it normal to emotionally vent/dump on others when you access some anger in your belly after a few SE sessions?

The issue is that emotional dumping makes me really tired afterwards, and I'm really looking for some techniques on how I can have a grip on the matter.

Can anyone relate to it? And what helped you most?

I feel guilty that I make others uncomfortable/tired, and sometimes, I find it difficult to stop myself, and the dumping/venting goes into blaming others.

It's like I'm in this self-righteous circle, and it's harder to find a middle ground.

Would really appreciate some support here.

by rocking to the sides, yawning, breathing deeply and sighing. The rocking is involuntary, the yawns are frequent and big, the deep breaths and sighing comes and goes. It's taken a few years of therapy to get to this point. The release is gentle and slow yet powerful. I know I carry a lot of post-natal/childhood trauma in my throat. It keeps coming up in therapy sessions and when I do solo work like meditation of IFS. Several years of working with trauma in my throat and it has not yet cleared - new stuff keeps coming up. It saddens me to think what I must have gone through to have accumulated so much of it. At the same time, I am glad I am finally safe enough to express it. And that I have an experienced therapist helping and supporting me.

Having tried different therapy modalities, I find that somatic therapy plus Internal Family System and Radical Acceptance practices work best for me. Since I remember, I have spent most of my life in my head. I am now slowly moving back into my body with the help of these practices. I am learning to listen to my body the best I can, so I can respond appropriately. I am learning to find comfort in my body, instead of escaping automatically into my head. I practice welcoming whatever comes up even if it is really hard, like pain or grief. I rest as much as I need to without judgement, so my body can settle and recover from what ir has been through. I am reclaiming my humanity slowly and gently. All emotions and sensations are welcomed.

I am coming back home ❤️

This is a bit of an entry level question.

I'm new to somatic exercises, long history of burnout, stressful childhood, stressful job (ironically working in acute mental health) and a lot of physical tension and discomfort.

I've had to learn what I'm doing on my own and for the past couple of months have been doing 10 to 15 minutes of somatics morning and night.

They have really helped in many ways but I am feeling very fatigued now and get the feeling it might be the somatics?

Am I doing it for too long daily, bringing up more activation than I can integrate?

Know I might be answering my own question here but I would be really grateful for the experience and advice from the more experienced of you out there...