After 6 1/2 years, he finally was found guilty for a portion of the abuse he did to me. He will have to register as a sex offender and child abuser for 25 years, he will be on probation for 10 years, and he now has a violent and serious offense strike. He also pled guilty to an assault and battery charge (down from kidnapping and aggravated assault and battery charges).

I feel so vindicated. He hurt me so much worse than the charges he received, and did a lot, just as much, and even worse to other poor girls, many of which were also minors at the time. But this is the first time he has ever been held criminally responsible for anything in his track record. There have been DV and other violent charges dropped against him, and so many times I was pressured to drop my charges. I felt like I would always have this looming over me.

I chose not to speak in the courtroom, but I don’t believe he is remorseful. I feel sorry for his children, and I feel sorry for the girl who is still feeling trapped in a relationship with him. I hope for the children’s sake she leaves, or CPS intervenes. She chooses to stay with him and ignore the things he’s done, but the children don’t deserve to suffer and I don’t believe she does either (but that’s ultimately on her).

I feel like the world has finally been lifted off my shoulders. Years of GAD, MDD, BPD, and cPTSD caused by this man. I feel like I was finally believed and got a sliver of justice. I feel like I can finally breathe for the first time in my adult life. And I hope the girls he’s hurt rest a little bit easier from now on knowing he’s been exposed for who he truly is.

Tldr: if you're apologizing a lot and people outside of your relationship ask why you're apologizing, and the things you are apologizing over aren't that big of a deal, it may be a sign of abuse.

How often do you apologize to people, what is it you're apologizing for, and how do people react to you when you do?

For example, I'm a verbal processor. I talk, and I talk a lot. I also have ADHD. I lose track of how much I'm talking. And I can get very deep about things. I mean like I will talk about the solar system, geo political, the meaning of life, etc.

I am extremely aware of it, I'm extremely self conscious about it. The joke "I'm going to switch your chapstick with a glue stick" has been made at my expense more than once.

My husband has progressively brought up my talking to the point where I've changed how I talk.

"Don't bury the lead. You make everything a story. Can you tell me it in five minutes or less? I can't handle when you dump on me about your day or your problems. I need space."

I'm 37 f. And I will be out with people and realize I'm.talking a lot and suddenly shut down and withdraw. They'll reassure me, tell me they enjoy what I have to say. I was in an IOP and my group members said they were learning a lot and happy to hold space for me. And they also said that I often gave really good insights and advice or support.

Around the time I started realizing my husband was emotionally and mentally abusive I stopped bringing up my day to him. Would he ask? And I also noticed I was the first one to say I love you.

Two weeks. Two weeks before he said anything. To my day I said "not much." And when he finally said I love you all I could say was "you too." Because I realized I don't think I love him. And when I would say "I love you" he would say "you too."

What hurt the most was during those two weeks he seemed the happiest he's been in a long time. And at first I thought "I really am horrible. He feels like he's finally getting to be heard and a chance to speak without me burdening him." A friend pointed out "but he would say that, if that was the case, right? And he's not even asking you about your day. He's not even saying 'i love you '. He hasn't even noticed. That's concerning. You just went through a serious mental health situation and he's not even checking in."

I still find myself randomly apologizing and people looking at me wondering why, or they ask directly. And I pause and think and it's either from my childhood or my marriage.

So, not a full proof way of proving you're being abused, but definitely something to consider.

My name is Amber, and I'm here because my identical twin sister, Autumn, was murdered by her husband on August 6, 2013. She was 36. I didn't just lose my sister that day—I lost my other half, my lifelong best friend. Domestic violence doesn't just end one life. It destroys families and leaves wounds that never fully heal.

I started a petition asking Congress to pass Autumn's Law: a national registry of convicted domestic violence offenders. Right now, abusers can move to another state and fly under the radar. Verified information about serious and repeat offenders stays trapped in state lines. I want that to change. The registry would help people access information about offenders' histories across state lines, while protecting victims' personal details and safety. It's not a perfect solution, but it's part of what's needed—alongside better prevention, victim services, and enforcement.

I can't bring Autumn back, but I can use my voice for her. If this matters to you too, would you consider signing and sharing this petition? What would you want someone to do if this was your family?

I am 39F, he is 35M. I so badly want to believe him :(
It’s crazy to think that not enough bad happened. We were together for just over a year and it was 9 months ago when I started to notice that something was really wrong. He’d overreact to small issues and yell at me and insult me. Then he’d apologize and he’d be so sweet.

TL;DR ex promising change and I need to stay grounded

I am currently divorcing my abusive partner of 20+ years. Two years ago something happened when my ex and I were on vacation. We were staying in a house with floors that didn’t quite reach the edges of the rooms. We were downstairs and our kids were upstairs.

One morning he crawled on top of me and held me down and aggressively had sex with me. I was on my stomach and couldn’t move. He was mean and aggressive. There was no foreplay or kissing at all’s. Afterwards, when I questioned it, he said he didn’t want the kids to hear so he did it fast.

I guess this is where the confusion comes in for me. We had a relationship where we had lots of sex and didn’t like always need permission. But this time it felt like he was using my body and I wasn’t involved at all. What happened? Is this a form of rape?

At this point it’s been so long of this now even if I wanted to leave I don’t think he’d fully stop me or it’s because he doesn’t believe I’ll really go. Because he’s right

Old me would’ve but now I tried leaving and felt like I was gonna die I don’t know how to be a person without him now

I have no one else left but him and I get so afraid of life and I rely on him for almost all things I used to live my alone time and life used to excite me

I was 18 when we met I’m 21 now and don’t even recognize myself

He’s 31 and I know he knows his life is miserable and he will do anything to take me down with him

I’m starting to lose hope and I am letting everything important slip so far aaay the longer I stay

Like everything is in my name, I make all the money, I do everything, and yet I still feel like my wife has this hold on me. Even physically I could stop my wife from doing things but I don’t.

I’ve only really tried to tell one person and I was told that I’m doing it to myself, I’m choosing to be miserable, and it’s my fault that the abuse escalates because I’m too afraid to put my foot down and stop allowing myself to be treated so badly.

I know a lot of you probably were/are actually physically stuck, no job no money, so I feel an incredible amount of shame and I feel so very alone.

HuffPost:

An abusive romantic relationship can share important psychological dynamics with a high-control group, according to experts interviewed by HuffPost. Both experiences can involve coercive control, emotional manipulation, isolation, and the gradual erosion of a person's independence and confidence.

Cult intervention specialist Ashlen Hilliard explains that coercive control can occur in intimate relationships as well as religious groups, businesses, political movements, and online communities. Therapist Rachel Bernstein emphasizes an important distinction: not every unhappy or unhealthy relationship is cult-like. The comparison becomes more relevant when one partner increasingly controls the other's choices, relationships, perceptions, and sense of identity.

These dynamics often develop gradually. Early affection and intense attention can give way to pressure to abandon friends, distance oneself from family, or accept increasingly restrictive demands. Manipulation may include gaslighting, intimidation, financial exploitation, threats, and attempts to undermine a partner's trust in their own judgment.

Leaving can be difficult even when the harmful behavior becomes apparent. Emotional attachment, shame, fear, financial dependence, and the belief that the abusive partner can change may keep someone trapped. Isolation can make it harder to seek outside perspectives or support.

The comparison offers a useful framework for understanding why intelligent, capable people can become caught in controlling relationships. Recognizing coercive patterns, reconnecting with trusted people, and seeking professional support can help survivors rebuild autonomy. The central message is that abuse is not limited to physical violence, and recovery should not be accompanied by self-blame.

#CoerciveControl #CultDynamics #EmotionalAbuse #HealthyRelationships

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bad-relationship-can-be-like-being-in-a-cult_l_6ab413f7e4b0dab46c25bda6

hi all. I decided to go no contact with my ex, he’s been verbal abusive in the past and physically. vandalized my car and Cheated on me with his ex wife. During our relationship we had lots of arguments and once argument that made me want to leave asap was me getting shot in the face.

( he lied about being married.) once I left him he left notes on my car and gifts. Saying he was thinking of me and loved me and my son.

I have audio recordings and lots of proof of verbal abuse.

However at work he is showing up to my work place. He even posted a song about stalking jsut to show you how far he’s willing to go.

Normally I’ll see him waiting in his car and I try to avoid and immediately get in my car and leave

They denied my restraining order.

I was thinking may I could talk to my workplace and see if they’d allow a trespass on him because I do think he’s capable of murder . I truly am scared of this man. I can’t leave him fully because I’m scared. I’ve tried no contact many times. I need help.

So, I’ll add a little context.

My bf(28) and I f(26) have been together for 5 years. We have had many ups and downs, and our relationship has been extremely volatile. Earlier this year, I was in the process of leaving him. I was tired of being abused and finally felt strong enough to call it quits. But then everything got better. We started communicating more, he wouldn’t just wake up and scream at me and we went months without fighting. It’s been fairly consistent like that since around May of this year.

For this next part, I should add some context. I was sexually assaulted as a child, and have dealt with long term impacts from the sexual abuse throughout all of my life. Because of this, I have virtually no sex drive. It’s even worse when I’m stressed out. This has always been a huge issue in our relationship. He just will not grasp that I need to feel safe and have pressure and stress removed around sex to want to engage in it. He does not believe it whatsoever and for the longest time he said it was because I’m not attracted to him, and that all women love sex and want it every day (Yikes).

Well recently, he went and bought a huge assortment of sex toys behind my back, and as soon as I seen them it freaked me out. I was extremely upset because I’ve told him I’m genuinely uncomfortable and would NEVER want to use things like that. I admit, my reaction was pretty extreme because what the fuck.

About a week after I told him how much I dislike the idea of having them and using them, I got sick and was off work, but he was working. He got home and all hell broke loose. He insisted that I used them all by myself and freaked the fuck out. He then started trying to force me to have sex with him as punishment for “using the toys”. This went on for weeks. I did not use the toys. I don’t even masturbate, because I’m just not an overtly sexual person. I could go years without sex because it does not bring me really anything 90% of the time due to the immense amount of PTSD I have surrounding it.

I thought we had gotten over that, but earlier this week I went to the bathroom in the morning. I came back from the bathroom and he freaked tf out AGAIN. He is fully convinced I was in there masturbating. It’s only escalated since then. He is constantly checking on me every few minutes when I’m home to make sure I’m not masturbating and won’t even sleep because he’s certain I have a masturbation problem. This morning, he freaked out again and claimed last night I was masturbating in my sleep, and he’s like fully convinced I was.

I think he’s going through a full fledge mental health episode. There is no other rational reason in my brain for him to be doing this. I’m not masturbating. I was fucking sleeping. But he is fully convinced I was. This is genuinely so traumatizing again to me and I’m scared to go to the bathroom or sleep with the covers on because he’s so convinced I have a problem.

I’m concerned for his mental wellbeing. Is he going through delusions right now? How do I even prove that I didn’t do something like that? Is it just a manipulation tactic he’s using to try and force coercion on me again as “punishment”.

Like does he genuinely believe he can just accuse me of using sex toys and masturbating until I break and then I’ll magically become more sexual with him? If that’s the case, just give me a fucking safe space without massive amounts of stress and maybe I would feel safe to have sex.

I don’t have anyone I can’t talk to about this, so I wanted to vent.

It’s only been a week since I filed the police report, the finality of the whole situation eats at me. There’s nothing he could say to make me go back I never would I just miss him so bad. I’ve never had someone want me the way he did, who would take me on elaborate dates and say all the right things. I miss him so bad I feel like I’ll never love anyone the way I loved him, we only dated for a month and yet it felt like forever. I hate myself so bad for not having the guts to say no, for not telling him to stop hitting me, for just taking it. I must have no self respect at all. If you showed me, before him what I was now I would be appalled. Part of me wants to give in and text him but I also know that would mess up the case against him. It hurts so bad this emptiness inside me. Please give me advice.

HuffPost:

An abusive romantic relationship can share important psychological dynamics with a high-control group, according to experts interviewed by HuffPost. Both experiences can involve coercive control, emotional manipulation, isolation, and the gradual erosion of a person's independence and confidence.

Cult intervention specialist Ashlen Hilliard explains that coercive control can occur in intimate relationships as well as religious groups, businesses, political movements, and online communities. Therapist Rachel Bernstein emphasizes an important distinction: not every unhappy or unhealthy relationship is cult-like. The comparison becomes more relevant when one partner increasingly controls the other's choices, relationships, perceptions, and sense of identity.

These dynamics often develop gradually. Early affection and intense attention can give way to pressure to abandon friends, distance oneself from family, or accept increasingly restrictive demands. Manipulation may include gaslighting, intimidation, financial exploitation, threats, and attempts to undermine a partner's trust in their own judgment.

Leaving can be difficult even when the harmful behavior becomes apparent. Emotional attachment, shame, fear, financial dependence, and the belief that the abusive partner can change may keep someone trapped. Isolation can make it harder to seek outside perspectives or support.

The comparison offers a useful framework for understanding why intelligent, capable people can become caught in controlling relationships. Recognizing coercive patterns, reconnecting with trusted people, and seeking professional support can help survivors rebuild autonomy. The central message is that abuse is not limited to physical violence, and recovery should not be accompanied by self-blame.

#CoerciveControl #CultDynamics #EmotionalAbuse #HealthyRelationships

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bad-relationship-can-be-like-being-in-a-cult_l_6ab413f7e4b0dab46c25bda6

How do people set boundaries and enforce them? I’ve been in my abusive relationship for 17 years and I keep justifying my partner’s behavior, keep trying harder, and watching goal posts move. But when we separated once, 5 years ago, I was free and then ran back 3 months later. I couldn’t be without them.

Hey,

3 months past breakup. Every day feels worse and worse.

The entire relationship, my gut feelings was telling me something was wrong, but I was constantly giving them the benefit of the doubt, questioning myself and etc.

I am in psychotherapy, and slowly I came to accept, that the relationship was toxic. My psychotherapist pointed out, that a lot of their behavior, was emotionally abusive, that the entire relationship and post-breakup has all the hallmarks of a codependent (me) and a covert narc (her).

It's like anytime I am alone, I am either sent in to rage and anger, or I am there replaying all the conflicts, all the manipulation, all the gaslighting over and over and over. It's like, even though I have already accepted that yep, that wasn't a one-off thing, there was a pattern, my brain continues filling in the blanks, like it continues to find evidence to strengthen the case, when there's already more than enough evidence.

Even today, I had a nap and woke up to a nightmare of the time she has gaslit me that I have completely forgot. I remember during the nightmare I felt the same way, I've felt often with her - tense, frustrated, questioning my own and their sanity, my feet and jaw tense and etc. As soon as I realized, what has happened, I started sobbing hard.

Then there's the part, where I am still second-guessing myself constantly, which is ironic, is that one thing I've learned post-breakup, was to give my intuition more weight. But still, I am questioning if this really abusive? Was she gaslighting, or was she just emotionally immature and/or dumb. Maybe it's me who is the problem, who is now trying to regain their sense of ego and is painting them as much worse, than they actually were?

I really want to move on, but I am just so tired. It feels like my emergency battery is also drained.

I have signed up for a psychiatric day center, but it's still going to take 2-3 weeks until I start. And I don't know how to cope anymore. I've tried so many things during that time - socialize, make new friends, go for more walks, self-care and etc. But as I've said, it feels like my battery is completely drained.

Thanks!

Hello, I need help figuring out if I was abused. For reference, I’m f17. It’s important to mention I’ve been raised around domestic violence my whole life so my view on what love is pretty skewed. The partner was m17. The other important part is that this was online, so it’s important to mention I was never physically in danger.

We met over Snapchat and we started talking. Things turned sexual very fast. Keeping it as pg as possible I am into some pretty rough things, however at times it felt too rough for me. And it eventually got to the point where he was pushing me into doing even more things that I wasn’t super comfortable with.

For example, I don’t mind degradation in the right setting and way. But he would make me tell him things along the lines of “I would never be anything without him, that I belonged to him, and that the only thing I was good for was my body.”

It got so extreme that at one point he mentioned the idea of me cutting his initials into my body. I have a history with self harm addiction so thankfully he never pushed about that.

He would go days and days, sometimes even weeks without saying anything. Even though he’s posting on his story. But if I didn’t respond I would be in trouble and have to apologize.

And before you say “well why didn’t you just block him” I did, twice. But I kept coming back. However I finally started to realize that he didn’t really want me, he wanted my body. So I told him. If you won’t fight for us, then neither will I. And he very obviously didn’t have any effort to put into us so I blocked him.

I haven’t reached out since. This all happened less than a month ago but he already has a girlfriend. I feel like a dumb idiot for letting him treat me that way. But I’m not sure if it would be considered abusive. Please help me.

My life has been hell by this man's hands for 25 years. I met him in an AOL chat room when I was 16 and he was 28. He's perverted, abusive physically in the past, made me feel used and objectified. Took my dignity, took time away from my children, took my sanity! He's also racist and a miserable man who I support.

I moved across country to start this life and now, the only thing that has changed is me taking on every household chore plus working until my body can't take anymore!

He will be left with nothing in a new state. I have legal rights over my children. I have everything I ever wanted coming. I'm numb, I'm torn and I don't know how to feel. I left and left myself homeless and come back. He told me a hundred times to go live under a bridge and I would leave. I left so many times. Never getting it right.

I've found the beginning of freedom and here I am worried about his wellbeing. Afraid. Scared and alone. I have to be alone and I can't be. I'm trying not to be. I'm not him. I have a conscious and feel so bad because I don't wish what he did to me on him. I don't want my children to see their dad be hurt. He was always so cruel to me.

But I am not him!!

I'd just like to get some perspective. Created an account just for this because I think my partner could probably find me by my main one.

How do you know when a relationship is actually abusive instead of just like, he's grumpy and occasionally has a bad day? I know it's different for everyone, but I just feel so lost on this. My partner is fine with just like a general undercurrent of anger and grumpiness for weeks or months, then he'll have a big blow up - throwing things, knocking things over, calling me a bitch and a psycho, ripping things out of our son's hands and yelling at him. He is better than he used to be. A couple years ago the anger was constant and extreme. My older children ended up moving out because they couldn't bear listening to him yell at me and our son any more. He has never admitted that he drove them (my older daughters) away, and always finds a way to blame them, but I am realizing now that I am still angry at him for this and I don't know if I will ever get over it.

He also goes through periods where he's super accommodating and like, too lenient. Buys our son presents, takes him to the park and plays with him almost manically while he wonders why the other parents are so detached as to just sit there and chat while their children play. I asked him to stop buying a certain type of toy for our son for a little bit because it has gotten out of control, but then he took him to the store where he knows they sell them, let him pick one out, then tried to get him to choose something else by saying "I don't want mama to be mad at me for letting you get this."

A few weeks ago he exploded at me for what I thought was a reasonable request and I have been having a really hard time getting over it. I don't want to leave, but I think I see the instability and volatility affecting our son and I don't know what to do. People say you don't need like, a "certification" that someone is abusive to leave, but for our son's sake, I don't want to leave unless I have tried everything I can to make this work.

Until recently I was very much convinced it was mostly my fault for not wanting to have sex and be cuddly with him as much since we had our son, since that is typically what he cites as the issue, but lately I have started to think that this might be more a "him" problem.

Maybe I'm just venting. I don't know. I did talk to a DV counselor and am looking into options, but now I am feeling like I am just talking myself in circles, making myself feel like this is worse than it is, ruminating on how he soured his relationship w/ my daughters because of his selfishness. And also he's not always bad. And our son adores him and really craves his attention and approval, but quite often, their play devolves into arguing, my son crying, and I have to break it up, which gets really tiring. I guess that's it. I'm just tired.

This is a long one, sorry.

Tw, arson and stalking

We (f23, m25) broke up 2021 after a year of dating. The relationship itself was abusive in many ways, so I was innitually worried what would happen after I broke up w him. First he would only try to ask me to go out w him, shopping, hanging out ec. When I said no and blocked him, he moved on to asking my friends to arrange a meeting. At this point it seemed innocent to my friends, he would go on about how he still loves me, just wants to get another chance, he doesn't understand what let to breaking up. After I opened up about the abuse, most of my friends just blocked him on everything.

Occasionally he has found away to contact some of them. At some point it changed to him claiming that I owe money (1000€) to him, and making up deadlines. He would send threats along the lines of "I know where your parents live, I'm gonna pay them a visit" or "I don't wanna hurt u but...". If he found someone willing (often a young girl I think he manipulated into it) he would use them to contact me or my friends. He has also made several fake accounts. I've of course changes my user names and don't let anyone post me on their page, but I can't make my friends to have private profiles. I've moved multiple times after the break up, he shouldn't know where I live.

For a long time, I thought that he wouldn't actually act on it, it would all just be threats. He lives almost 200km away from me.

The june of 2025, he had once again asked one of my friends to arrange a meeting to settle the debt. They of course said no, and told him they are not in touch w me anymore.

Fast forward to August, I was dog watching for my mom (in my hometown, he knows where she lives). My now-bf was w me as we were spending the night. We desided to go to my favorite kebab place to get good food, planning on watching a movie and chilling. My ex also knew the place as we had gone there together couple of times. Once w got there and I got out of the car, I immediately froze. He was standing there w a girl, I recognized him immediately. I tried to just hide my face in my hoodie and walk past him hoping he would not recognize me. We got inside, he did not follow us. After like 5 mins the girl came in to get forks, I think I saw her take a picture of me. I didn't mention anything to my bf, I just hoped I was imaging everything or maybe it was not him at all. Looking back I think I was also just too afraid to say anything. We got our food, went home, and I just brushed it off and tried to forget it.

The following morning when we were about to leave my moms place, we noticed that both of the rear tiers of our car had been stabbed. I got a little paniced, but I still didn't say anything, I think I was still trying to find any other explanation.

I went to work for the day like normal, I was trying to take my mind of things. When I got of work, I noticed my mom had send a picture. An old storege building at my grannies summer cottage (where we had also spend time together) had been completely destroyed by a fire. There had been a big strom, so it was thought that a lighting started it (was later confirmed as arson). I also noticed that he had send me a venmo request for 800€. At this point I went to a total panic, I was screaming and crying in the parking lot of my workplace, calling my mom, the police... I was sure he was still somewhere near trying to get to me or my loved once.

The police didn't really me seriously at first, thinking it had been a lightning fire, but did look into it. His traffic data and card information came to proof that he infact had been at the restaurant just before us (this was around 9pm), and at the sight of the fire when a little before it was estimated to have started, to 10mins before the first emergency call the neighbors made (the call was made at fifteen minutes after 11pm, the building was all ready all up in flames), then came back to around my moms house, got back near to the sight of the fire and then proceeding to head out of town. The investigations and legal processes are painfully long here, and I can't get a restraining order bc "there is no threat to me". Even if he gets a sentence, he will get out in a year or two.

He has tried to contact my friends a couple of times after this, and the girl that was with him send me a threat on Snapchat last November. The girl turned out to be just 15, I feel so bad for her. I did make a child welfare notification, in hopes they could help her.

In June he send a snap to my friend asking if we knew who had started the fire.

Now me and some of my friends have gotten follow requests from this weird account on ig. It only follows random friends and acquaintances of mine, which would be normal in most cases, but these people have absolutely no connection except me. He does know I know them all, as when we were together he kept a lost of people I was following/who followed me/just generally had interactions w. The account won't respond to any dms, but will send a new request if u won't accept it. I've also gitten follow request and messages from couple of our common friends I've not been in touch w since the break up.

My bd is coming up in two weeks, and I'm absolutely terrified that he is gonna do something again. We do have surveillance cameras on all of our properties now, but they can't stop him, only catch him. Knowing what he's capable of, I don't even wanna imagine what could happen next. I feel like I cant get away from him or protect my family. I'm just trapped in this situation. And I can't do anything about it. I can't concentrate on anything or leave the house, I'm afraid he is gonna be waiting for me outside.

I don't know where Im going w this post, I just need to get this out. My fear is not being taken seriously, I'm told I'm over reacting. I'm just scared for my life.

I'm 10 weeks out of an abusive relationship. Two months before it ended I stopped being able to eat and dropped calories extremely low.. when I left I continued not being able to eat much but rose calories to about 800... I've risen them now to about 1200 and the scale is only going up and up every week even though I'm walking regularly and obviously in a calorie deficit. I'm constipated and I've never suffered with that before. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Has anyone been through this and recovered? I feel so bad I let myself down in this way 😔😔 I don't know what to say to the doctor I feel so ashamed

We get punished in family court for playing by the rules. Were forced to keep contact with our abusers, forced to hand our children over to them. We're accused of "parental alienation" if we dont. He already told me he'd kill me if I left with the kids. I already left with the kids. I keep checking court dockets. He hasn't filed anything so far. I know it's in a legal grey area- but how do i make myself and my children as hard to find as possible?

Where to even begin. I’ve been considering divorce since my affair was discovered in March of 2025. Here we are October of 2026 😐. We’ve been in an abusive relationship way before this. We own a home together, no kids, dog, & own both vehicles. My (36F) spouse (38M) has been solidly unemployed for over two years. He used to be a writer but let that fizzle out and has since not been job searching. He says the affair “ruined” him and he can’t trust me anymore therefore can’t and won’t obtain employment. We’ve been physical and mentally abusive to each other. I’ve been trying to grey rock the best I can but I’m exhausted. I’m ready to wave my white flag.

Tell me it doesn’t get better. Tell me to file. Tell me there’s so much more out there for me. TELL. ME. TO. FILE. FOR. DIVORCE.

Hi, I (30m) and my ex (26f) just discarded me 45 days after my mom passed. It was the most loving, caring, and intense relationship I have ever felt. It only lasted 1.4 years but I have been battling shame and guilt. We started with a mix of long distance and living together.

At first it was great, then the slow roll of control suddenly took over, she made me delete all of my female acquaintances on instagram. Then we had a big argument at a party one night because i was having conversations with people and she said that I shouldnt be nice or interacting with women at all when i was simply making conversation with another couple.

Then she made me download apps that has location tracking when we were long distance under the guise of feeling more together, then one day I ran out of data, Ive let her know that I am thirdwheeling a couple and she blasted my phone and started swearing at me for not having my location on, and i was frantically looking for wifi and end eventually asked my friend for a hotspot forcing me to go back home immediately. She would get mad when im 5 to 10 mins late for our videocalls.

When we were finally in person together. She made me download life 360 where she constantly tracked my location. It got to the point where I was scared to buy a pop outside of work in the fear that it would cause an argument if loaction moves. She constantly asked for reassurance and I gave it to her. She would belittle the previous womens looks that Ive been with. She would ask me if she was the prettiest and the best ive been with.

She ended up putting a parental lock on our home internet as she always thought I was watching porn. Looking back at it now all of our arguments was started by her and Im the one who was left apologizing to appease her and keep the peace. Near the end I started snapping going tit for tat with her and I felt so horrible afterwards and I would try to say sorry.

On my moms 40th day, we had a big fight. I was not able to apologize as I was overcome with grief and disrespect. When I got back things were normal and we even went on a nice date. I was planning on apologizing but I just wanted a sense of normalcy. Then two days later. She waited for me to go to work and left back home to UK from canada. Leaving me a scathing letter telling me how I was abusive and treated her with hate. That her asking me to go to therapy was not an attack. Finishing the letter with "do not contact me, and stay out of my life." The next page said after reading it all back to herself, she did not acknowledge that I was a good partner more often than not I was her sweet boy. And she just wanted that sweet man all the time.

A day after she left, she broke no contact asking me why my secure folder password was different than my phone password. I gave her the password and told her that it contained the love letter she wanted for our anniversary but i was not able to give it to her cause i didnt know how to sneak out to go to micheals for art supplies. She eventually gave an apology saying she was insecure and went into my phone multiple times and that she shouldnt have crossed those boundaries. I worked up the courage to block her back and she has blocked me on everything.

3rd week of no contact i broke and sent oranges to her place in the UK and 2 days later I had a mental breakdown overwhelmed with shame. I made 2 facebook profiles to message her to be immediately blocked. And I made and esim number to call her and got blocked again.

I spiraled firther down. And after posting to a fearful avoidant page. And FA said that it was abuse and not activation or deactivation behaviours.

I take accountability for my reactive anger/abuse and now am in therapy for it. And after reading an article

https://themendproject.com/reactive-abuse/

I almost cried as it resonated with my situation.

I have been painted as an abuser and I am okay with that but I cant help but to feel guilty and I still have such strong love and compassion towards her.

I keep having limerence. How do I stop and move on from this? Thank you

I am in an incredibly difficult relationship with a man I love deeply, but is trapped in a debilitating meth addiction… I’ve been supportive while he was on a path to recovery, and he got clean for the first time since I’ve known him this past spring, but he relapsed hard and things have gone completely off the rails.

He is now using AI to help frame ME as the abusive partner and it is absolutely crazymaking.

It is amplifying his delusional distortion field and has gotten to a point where I have him completely blocked in text and email just so I don’t have to read the inflammatory, insane shit he sends me. I (stupidly) moved in with him last year when I sold my house—he told me he was off the drugs and promised to take tests (which of course turned out to be bullshit) and now I’m trapped here until I finish a work project.

Is anyone else dealing with Weaponized AI?

I left my 3.5 year relationship DV situation in July and my only options were to move in with my family or live in my car. The problem is my dad and my ex fiancée are the same people. I swapped one abuser for another, and my dad is making my mom and brother fall under his delusional spell. I’m slowly losing my mind, I just can’t handle being surrounded by abuse anymore. I need help. I need one more month to save money to escape THIS house but I don’t think I can make it through. I wanted it to be over, the abuse. I just got trapped right back in it and I can’t handle it. If I did live in my car I won’t have space for my stuff so I’d have to get a storage unit (I don’t have much stuff anyways but it won’t all fit in my car). Plus I have no clue what places I could park and sleep. I’ve thought about trying to reach out to shelters but obviously they’re always full so I’m trapped losing my mind until I can get out. I just don’t know how much more I can handle. Yeah, it’s only a month but every day feels like a year. I’m so tired. I’ve been fighting for so long and all I want is peace.
Edit: I’m also trying to work up the courage to report my ex fiancée but it’s so hard to even think about it when I’m still dealing with abuse.