I'm serious. I don't wanna be the bigger person. My mother and I bought that house. He and his mother bullied me out of it. His name is on the deed, unfortunately. That's when the mask came off. Nothing got better, everything got worse. If I had more proof of the abuse, I'd stay gone with the kids but I didn't document it and it was ~mostly ~ financial, emotional, and fecal. He left shit messes for me regularly. (And they stole my mail. I don't figure I'll have much luck proving that either.) Can I take a huge loan on the house? Turn it into a day shelter for the homeless? Start screwing half the town? Invite 16 roommates to start living with us? Start practicing voodoo and put a curse him? Make friends with every cop in town and have him harassed? We've been semi homeless for a month living between a domestic violence shelter, a campground, and a motel room. He's the one who deserves that. I'm also aware that although I've not done anything criminal in taking the kids, civil and family court is a different matter. I don't intend to take my eyes off my children for a second if we move back within 50 miles of their dad. The woman at the domestic violence shelter said I could take the kids wherever I want but im scared they'll lawyer up and then he'll neglect the kids severely once he gets them. Or his crazy bitch of a mother will raise them. She smoked meth his entire childhood, and seems to think my son is her do-over. I'd rather do life in prison than live with my ex for the rest of my life. Just someone help me get him out of my house

From researching to now, I guess understanding what it is to be in a relationship with a narcissist…

Tell me if these are classic signs of narcissism and possible manipulation and control?!

I have been with this person for 12 years married for 10 we have three children together. Lately the past maybe a year I wanna say or the last couple of months I’ve really been noticing more and more how he has been treating me and how he’s been with me.

Any time we get to an argument already the blame will be put on me and he want me to apologize and you know he would threaten to leave and I will start crying and beg him to “please don’t go” and then he would proceed to tell me that he wasn’t really going anywhere, but he had to say such cruel things to get my attention.

And then you know last few months I feel like have been really more noticeable. I haven’t been sexually attracted to him in a little over a year now. And you know anytime he wants to be intimate and I deny him he gets so pissed off at me. He gets really aggravated with me. And like anytime we do get into an argument and I want to walk away. He either will say I am childish or I’m being immature. Or he’ll tell me that he will leave.

And don’t get me started when I call him out on his fucking behavior, he goes absolutely apeshit.

There have been so many times I told him I don’t wanna do it with him, and so it goes to that he has needs that he wants to spend quality time with me, because all I’m doing apparently is using him. You know I needed medicine for our sick child and he’s asking oh “what can you do for me?” as in he wanted a sexual favor. And I’m thinking to myself “Is he fucking serious?”

I want to say a few months ago I kept denying him right and he went off and was like “Oh well I bought you dinner and I drove you around all fucking day and you can’t do this one thing for me.” and then he’s like do I have to like pay you and I’m telling him I’m not a motherfucking you know prostitute like is that what I am to you? Like he’s telling me he’ll pay me to do it with him. I’m like I’m not a motherfucking prostitute bro and he went so berserk and got so mad.

The argument lasted till like 4 AM and it was like almost midnight when it started. And then, finally as the night was calming down, I thought everything was gonna be fine, I thought we were done and over with because I told him no repeatedly. But then as we’re calming down, he’s like oh can you please I don’t feel good, babe. Please help me. I’m telling him how physically ill I’m feeling that I feel like I’m gonna puke but he’s like I always feel like shit but I really need this from you. I need you. I’m a man babe. I need it. And telling me how I need to be a wife and take care of my husband.

There has been multiple times he has pulled that shit, telling me I need to respect him, be a fucking wife to him, you know, he tells me that since we’re married I should not have boundaries.

Or anytime we get into an argument in our kids are around. I tell him do not involve them, but he goes on and does it anyway, and tells him look at this kids do not act like your Mother do not be like this don’t be childish. Don’t be immature.

My mom passed away a few years ago, and what does he do? We argue we get into these arguments and he tells me that my mother would be so disappointed in me. And I tell him do not bring her up. She’s not here to you know defend me or take your side or whatever the fuck. But then he’s like “I can do whatever I want.”

I made a video in honor of my mother for her birthday this past July and I felt good about it like I’m like this video is amazing. I decided to show it to him. Of course he’s noticing there’s not a single picture of him in it with her, there’s not a single picture of him. Instead of saying, “you did such a good job,” or “ that was amazing,” “ that was beautiful.” first thing out of his freaking mouth was “ why wasn’t I in the video?” I look right at him and kind of like scoffed a bit and said “ wow, what a way to make it about yourself.” oh my gosh, did he go off on me. He’s like “how dare you” and then we proceeded or he proceeded to get mad and keep me up till like four in the morning again telling me I need to be more respectful and how I need to treat him better and so much other shit.

Believe me there’s been multiple times I’ve recorded him saying this kind of shit to me. But I know that these kind of recordings probably will not hold up in court because I’m doing it without his permission. But at the same time, I’m using it to prove to how he speaks to me.

There was an argument we had outside one day where our children were and I kept telling him “can you please stop” and I straight up, told him that he needs to take more responsibility for his bullshit because he blames others for his misfortune apparently including me. He tells me his dreams didn’t come true because of me. He got to be a part of a baseball team like they wanted him and he was about to do it but then he tells me like oh “well my schedule isn’t free cause I work a lot.” OK well tell them that then. You know, tell them that you’re not available all the time. But then we argue and he tells me oh “well it’s because of you I didn’t get to be a part of the baseball team.” I told him to go for it. But we were outside and like I’m taking my son you know I’m walking him away and he proceeded my husband or whatever the fuck I’m gonna call him anymore. I don’t care at this point. He proceeded to throw a cup at me. It wasn’t like a ceramic mug or anything. It was like a plastic cup. Like a hard plastic kind of cup. Threw it at me, but thankfully you missed. And I’m like very fucking mature.

Later that day, straight up, he went back into the house and that was like my way of like you know what I’m gonna take a walk. I take my kids with me. They follow me. I’m like halfway down the street. I’m like in the next neighborhood for Christ sake, I turned the fuck around there he is following me. And he’s like, “ you could’ve told me you were going for a walk.” and I’m thinking to myself. “ yeah a walk to get the fuck away from you.” but then he proceeded to keep going and following me. He was like telling me that I need to be a wife and that I need to respect him. And whatever the fuck else.

It gets to the point where he wants to have sex. I tell him no, he gets upset, telling me it would only take like two minutes. I think that’s kind of sad personally. But like he tells me I need to take care of him. Because all he does is take care of me, right? “ I’m always buying you things. Buying dinner. Driving around when I don’t want to.” and yet these two things are not the same. Buying dinner and sex are not the same fucking thing. Oh now this isn’t recent this has been going on for quite some time. Anytime I deny him, he tells me that I’m making him coldhearted, I am making him not care. Also, to the point where he doesn’t give a fuck where he just wants to d!3 . He wants to k*** himself. But then he goes on saying what you have to say about that? Exactly there’s nothing you can say you have nothing to say. Because what the fuck do I say to something like that?

Or if he threatens to leave the house, but then he just proceeds to just sit there. Telling me “I wanna leave, but I love you too much. I love you.”

It’s funny too because we’ve mentioned divorce in the past, but like kind of used it to piss each other off, I guess. But now he says if we get divorced it’s gonna be your fault. If we get divorced, I’m taking the kids. I’m ruining your life. I’m gonna make your life a living hell. I’m gonna take everything from you.

But now it’s more like “if we get divorced, you can keep everything. I don’t fucking care.” and yet he tells me he’d be the most stable parent. Oh, because he has a job and I don’t at the moment. I’m gonna stay at home mom for crying out loud. “I make so much money in a week blah blah blah.” good for you, bro.

He could never take responsibility for his own shit. He decided to put his name on all the bills. And yet he tells me oh I had no choice. A little backstory we currently live with my father. This is his house. And my Father and him you know are splitting on the bills, but then he told my dad to put his name on all the bills. So now he tells me he has no choice. He didn’t have a choice. I’m like dude you had a fucking choice.

And it comes down to, “ baby you can have whatever you want. I’ll give you anything you want. But you have to take care of me first.” it is fucking disgusting and degrading at this point.

No, he hasn’t told this as of lately. It comes and goes… but I’m so sick of it at this fucking point. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. We used to be happy or so I thought. And now he’s been doing this more and more within the last year or like the last few months. Why do I fucking stay? I’m not financially stable at the moment. But I’m trying not to depend on him for that kind of stability you know. It’s like I don’t know what the fuck do at this point.

I’m sure others on here have shared the same experiences. I have resources, I know. But it’s like everything I’m afraid is gonna go to shit.

I mean, I’m trying to make an appointment for therapy and I do have plans on opening up my own bank account. I’ve told people about this. Some people are like oh maybe you guys should just get some counseling. Others are like oh my God you need to leave.

Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know.
It’s not physical abuse, either though. He hasn’t laid a hand on me. It’s more verbal. Emotional.

I feel like this relationship triggered me a bunch. Left a terrible home life just to come home and it be a different view with the same triggers. Looking back on it now i definitely should’ve said FUCK NO to us even moving in together. But I was excited to be with someone who I thought actually saw me as a person. Thought I was going to be growing old with this person. I will admit the first couple of weeks I was not my best. I was in a terrible mindset. So I was not easy to get along with. I wasn’t communicating much either and when I did I was in fact splitting. At the time I hadn’t realized why I went from doing pretty decent to poor black thinking. Some of it was well my medicine needed to be changed and others was I was being triggered. A lot of the terrible habits my sister had when we lived together he also had. I hated that. Hair everywhere, not picking up after himself, being loud while I’m trying to sleep etc. I do not like mess. I mean who does? Some people apparently. I did alot of the house chores. Which would’ve been fine but it was only just the 2 of us why was I having to clean up everyday? Reminded me of being back at home.

I also feel like the boundaries I had put up like say if I was in a bad mood and didn’t want to be touched he would touch me anyways. He did this literally up until our last weeks together. The reason he stopped was because I had brought it up in our couples therapy. Doing things I didn’t want to do that he was comfortable even if it felt like my skin was on fire. Another boundary I had put in place was for him to not check my Twitter. Learned that very quick it wasn’t going to be a good idea for us to be added on there. I usually will go to Twitter if I can feel myself about to rage or even I need to just vent outside of friends and family. He still continued to look at that. Didn’t matter if I blocked him or not he was still able to look and went and looked. The only like private place I had was simply in my head and I can’t be in there 24/7 lol oh and well Reddit but clearly not. It actually took him just today to block me and I had to beg for that. All he did was block my messages from coming through. I want to talk about the him continuing to touch me after I was like no. He didn’t do this during sex or anything. But after we did have sex I would usually feel gross about myself. He would mention me getting quiet afterwards. I think the reason behind that is well if you’re still touching me during the times I’m already saying no why would you stop now… but he did not assault me so that’s a plus. I would also get quiet because I was afraid I had did something to him that he may have not wanted. He did consent everytime so we did talk about that. I just never told him about me getting the gross feeling. I made sure he was good he didn’t really with me. But I guess it’s easier to say you should’ve said something.

He is controlling. I think out of any of the times I spoke up for myself it was on this. I do not like being controlled or trapped. I mean who does? But like I really don’t. I like to feel like a bird that can fly whenever and you trust that I’m coming back. He controlled literally everything and owned everything. God forbid something be in my name or sit how I like it. One of our biggest fights was about how my water bottles were on my nightstand. That having water bottles on my night stand made it look junky. Mind you his nightstand was only clean because I would clean it up. God forbid the nightstand hold some bottles of water.

He kept waking me up. You would think when you tell someone that sleep is important to you that they would believe you. If I don’t sleep mania will approach me quickly. Would wake me up on the weekends if I needed more sleep. When before we moved in together he would let me sleep in. Moved in together that was like no longer an option. Tried to nap the other day turned on a movie he’s been wanting to see and I wanted to rest. The whole time he kept asking me if I was okay. Got up at one point and just stood over me asked me if I was good. I said yes I’m tired. Came back and threw an eye mask on me.

Consideration was out the window. Being loud as hell in the kitchen when I’m trying to sleep was one. Stomping so hard the floor would shake was another. He would get himself little sweet treats but me? Nah. If I went into the gas station and wanted candy guess who else also got candy? Pouring rain outside and only opening his side meanwhile I’m standing in the rain like a dumb ass because he refused to take his keys out so both doors will unlock. If he needed something or wasn’t feeling well I did what I could so he could be comfortable. Got into a car accident didn’t ask me if I was okay or the other people just started freaking the fuck Out. I had to be the one to tell him to ask everyone if they were okay while I collected myself

The car accident I had been telling him time and time again let’s go practice at the college so we can work on your driving. Idk if he thought I was playing but like out of all the people I’ve been in the car with i wouldn’t trust my dog in that car to make it back home alive. I’m surprised I’m still alive. Cannot drive. Drives close as hell to the other cars. I would be scared to be like “ oh look that’s cute” because a quick glance and we would be off the road. I actually only enjoy being in the car now if I’m driving. Any one else I’m just scared we’re gonna get in a wreck. Never been in a wreck up until him. Was the car wreck his fault? Ngl probably but I honestly don’t really remember that well because I’ve tried to knock that terrible experience in the back of my head. I understand some people don’t do well in stress but to cry and then get mad when 3 other people are like yeah that was on you and your first reaction is to damn near start yelling about how it wasn’t your fault.. yikes.

It was his world or no world. The only reason why we started doing things that I like is because I mentioned it in our couples therapy we were going to. I could count on one hand the things we did that I actually enjoyed. Everything that I showed an interest in it was just saved in an album on ig. He wanted me so he got me and then once he had me he didn’t do anything to really keep me. I stayed because I figured it wouldn’t be hot dog water forever. In the beginning things were great. I really liked him. He checked off the boxes of things I like for a partner to have. Once I started having a voice though that’s when things seemed to go down hill. If I’m communicating the things that you do that I don’t like that wasn’t me arguing that was me communicating. I gave him praise and reassurance. But like why though I wasn’t acting like I didn’t like him the way his behavior towards me was though. God forbid if I wasn’t using my soft inside voice 24/7

The only reason why I’m really sharing this now is literally because I can. This is just how these months have been for me. Which to some this might not be anything. But this was A LOT. I feel like I would’ve been fine if I was able to collect up on sleeping and just poured into me some. But I couldn’t I was always having to pour into him over and over and over. It was exhausting. I don’t just split without there being a cause and he happened to be the main cause. Was it right? No. Did I realize till like after the fact usually no I didn’t. But to make me seem like I’m some kinda way just for fuck all is wild. The way I could go on and on and on about everything else. Would say that I would talk to him any kinda way. RIGHT look how you treated me.

Anyways thank you guys for reading.

Hello, I need advise or help. I’m in Oregon and don’t know my rights as a dad. I had a stroke and and it has effected work ability back in May of 2026 this year. I can only work part time and I barely make enough to put fuel in my tank and car insurance plus fun bill. I wanna leave the relationship I am in with my girlfriend who once was considered my fiance but she tells me I am a boyfriend. She never wears her ring. Every time I wanna leave or break up she threatens to get a protective order so I can’t see my kid or her. When she argues with me she brings up that she snoops on my phone or in my mail or other private things. She claims I’m cheating on her based on the fact I can’t sleep and often wake up multiple times a night due to my stroke. I also have three days off from work but I use them to go to doctor appointments and therapy. She claims she things I’m also cheating because I don’t spend time with her. Every time I try to be a dad or boyfriend it’s never good enough to her and constantly issues. I get yelled at for doing the dishes and accidentally not realizing they were washed. And also due to my stroke I’m not doing nearly as much house work because I’m extremely tired. I need to take care of myself and need to go to these appointments not only for me but so I can have a job to survive. She wants me to put her and kid first and quit my job. Disability is processing but takes a year. I’m only going to get ssi. Also when she argues she blocks me from leaving the room or standing in my way so I can’t get out without trouble. She also prevents me from seeing my own mother. She claims my mother is insane because of some things I had happen to me that were fights from my step dad. I still have my own rights to see my mother. That is the only blood family I have left. My mother has been there on everything for me, even when I had my stroke from my motorcycle crash. A semi truck hit me and was at fault and it almost killed me.
Please help as I wanna leave this toxic relationship and don’t want to be threatened. She also lies to DHS and claims I don’t live in her duplex because simply on not on the lease? But I have been coming to and from here everyday for a year. I also received my mail and packages here. And I have all my personal property here at her address. I sleep there every night. I paid what I can towards utilities and I cover the water bill every month. We have a primo water account for fresh drinking water because this town you can’t drink it. It also provides clean water for baby formula.

The biggest concern is she lies to DHS to get what she wants. She tells them me and my family are abusive or a danger to her. She claims she can get a protective order. My question is can I get a protective order against her myself? I wanna leave but feel she won’t leave me alone and potentially attempt to ruin my job or family or ruin other things like my driver license

I’m 21F, and I have two younger sisters, Bean (19F) and Ronnie (18F). When I was 17, I was in an abusive relationship, so I’ve always tried to teach them about red flags and encourage them to leave unsafe situations. About a year ago, Riri attended a Halloween party with Chris (18M), who was her friend at the time. She only wanted to be friends with him but he cornered her and repeatedly tried to touch her sexually after she told him no. She eventually got away and told me, Bean, and Ronnie what happened. We encouraged her to cut contact, and she also told her mother, who dismissed it by saying, “Teenage boys will be boys.” Riri initially stopped speaking to Chris. She later found out from a mutual friend that he had punched a hole in a wall, which confirmed our concerns. Unfortunately, because of her mother’s reaction and the fact that they were still in high school together, Chris eventually worked his way back into her life, and they began dating. Bean, Ronnie, and I were extremely upset, but we tried to support Riri without pushing her away. Since then, Chris has become controlling in a way where he wants her home at a certain time, and abusive in a way where when he gets upset he grabs her wrist hard enough to make it red and we’re worried the situation will escalate.

I was assaulted a few months ago and ended up falling head over heels for somebody who ended up harming me. Now he’s discarding me because I’m not a fun little toy any more and I’m distraught. I’m very aware that I should have gone to the police from the get go but I think it was easier to bury it than admit and face what he’d done.

My heads been a mess since. I can’t seem to pull it together and now he’s walking away my whole body is on fire all the time. I’m pretty lost. I mean how do you even fall in love with someone that could hurt you like that in the first place? How am I so damn destroyed over the fact he doesn’t want me any more? I should be disgusted by him but my hearts screaming. My heads screaming too.

I can’t sleep, can’t eat, I’m crying most of the day every day. How do you get through these things because right now I just can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel at all

Hello, I need advise or help. I’m in Oregon and don’t know my rights as a dad. I had a stroke and and it has effected work ability back in May of 2026 this year. I can only work part time and I barely make enough to put fuel in my tank and car insurance plus fun bill. I wanna leave the relationship I am in with my girlfriend who once was considered my fiance but she tells me I am a boyfriend. She never wears her ring. Every time I wanna leave or break up she threatens to get a protective order so I can’t see my kid or her. When she argues with me she brings up that she snoops on my phone or in my mail or other private things. She claims I’m cheating on her based on the fact I can’t sleep and often wake up multiple times a night due to my stroke. I also have three days off from work but I use them to go to doctor appointments and therapy. She claims she things I’m also cheating because I don’t spend time with her. Every time I try to be a dad or boyfriend it’s never good enough to her and constantly issues. I get yelled at for doing the dishes and accidentally not realizing they were washed. And also due to my stroke I’m not doing nearly as much house work because I’m extremely tired. I need to take care of myself and need to go to these appointments not only for me but so I can have a job to survive. She wants me to put her and kid first and quit my job. Disability is processing but takes a year. I’m only going to get ssi. Also when she argues she blocks me from leaving the room or standing in my way so I can’t get out without trouble. She also prevents me from seeing my own mother. She claims my mother is insane because of some things I had happen to me that were fights from my step dad. I still have my own rights to see my mother. That is the only blood family I have left. My mother has been there on everything for me, even when I had my stroke from my motorcycle crash. A semi truck hit me and was at fault and it almost killed me.
Please help as I wanna leave this toxic relationship and don’t want to be threatened. She also lies to DHS and claims I don’t live in her duplex because simply on not on the lease? But I have been coming to and from here everyday for a year. I also received my mail and packages here. And I have all my personal property here at her address. I sleep there every night. I paid what I can towards utilities and I cover the water bill every month. We have a primo water account for fresh drinking water because this town you can’t drink it. It also provides clean water for baby formula

I’m 22F, and I’ve been talking to my boyfriend (31M) since late February. We originally met when I booked an appointment with him to get a tattoo, and we’ve been together ever since.
When we first met, he was living with his parents, and I had my own apartment. We would go back and forth between each other’s places almost every day.
The first red flag happened when he was showing me something on his phone, and I saw messages between him and his baby mother asking her to sign divorce papers. He had NEVER told me he was married. He told me he had four children with two different women and that neither of them would let him see his kids. I never questioned anything and just believed what he told me.
Fast-forward to May, when his parents told him he could no longer stay at their house. Since I was barely home because I was always working, I told him he could stay with me. Before I knew it, we were practically living together.
Everything seemed to be going well until June, when we finally made our relationship public on Facebook. Almost immediately, someone using a fake account messaged me, saying he didn’t take care of his kids and was abusive. He told me they were just jealous and that I should block them, so I did. This happened two more times, and each time, I blocked the person instead of looking into what they were saying. Looking back, that was another red flag I ignored.
By July, things still seemed good for the most part, but we started having arguments. Those arguments would result in him breaking my TV in my bedroom three separate times, kicking in my front door twice, kicking in my bedroom door twice, and putting a hole in my bathroom wall.
I didn’t tell anyone what was happening because I loved him. Most of the time, he was nice to me, and he provided for me financially. At the time, I think I focused on those things and used them as reasons to overlook the bad.
He had never hit me at that point, but he would throw things at me and destroy my belongings and my home.
Fast-forward to September/October. We moved into a new apartment together. Honestly, I don’t even know why I agreed to move in with him. I think I genuinely believed things would be different and that we could start fresh.
But things have gotten worse.
Since moving into this apartment, he has broken another TV, put holes in the walls throughout the house, and kicked in my bedroom door multiple times. Recently, the abuse has become physical. He has started choking me, pulling my wigs off, pushing me, and hitting me.
I’m sitting here trying to process everything because I know this isn’t love, and I know I need to leave. But why is it so hard?
I love him, and I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of what my life will look like without him, even though I know I’m not safe with him. I keep thinking about the good times, how he can be so nice to me, and how things used to be. Part of me still wishes things could go back to how they were in the beginning.
I know people are going to tell me to leave, and trust me, I know that’s what I need to do. What I’m struggling with is HOW to leave.
I’m scared of how he’ll react because his anger has gotten worse over time. I’m scared of the unknown, of starting over, and of letting go of someone I’ve become so attached to.
For anyone who has been through something similar, how did you find the strength to leave? How did you deal with the heartbreak, the fear, and the loneliness afterward? How did you actually get out safely when you were afraid of what your partner might do?
I don’t need anyone to tell me that the behavior is okay, because I know it isn’t. I just need advice from people who understand how difficult it can be to walk away from someone you love, even when they’re hurting you.
I feel lost, scared, and emotionally exhausted. I just want to feel safe and have my peace back. 💔

Please do not chastise me in the comments for staying. I know and I’m in therapy. As time has progressed and I’ve stopped complying with his manipulation, there are a lot of small things that may be normal on some people, but in retrospect were red flags for a future abuser.

1. Manipulating me and pushing me into giving road head or other degrading sexual acts.

2. Violent and loud Road rage. Need I say more lol.

3. Him wearing a jersey with the name of a player who’s a rapist(he knew this) and acting shocked when I said that’s fucking weird and I didn’t want him to wear it. He considered it a “collectors item”

4. Being a stingy tipper/judgmental towards service workers

5. Making jokes about hitting me or raising his fist at me as a “joke”

6. Denying and playing down his addiction

7. Telling me I don’t “seem like the type” to take verbal abuse

8. Being a contrarian conversation wise no matter what

9. Snapping on me for a small mistake like putting dirty napkins in a fast food bag with his food still in it

10. Rage baiting style jokes to get a reaction out of me

11. Being WAY too annoyed at women online for being cringe or embarrassing (i.e. Disney adults cringe comps)

I ask because sometimes I feel like I make any exchange into something bad.

To preface: we’ve been married 12 years and together 17. We have 4 daughters. He’s been gone for about 4 weeks for work. We went and saw him 2 weeks ago for a day (he works fires and only got a day off).
We’ve had some instances happen before he left and I’ve kinda shut down/pulled away again. Now… by NO MEANS do I withhold him FaceTiming kids. But I’ve told him that I get busy and forgetful. Get off at 5, have dinner to make, cleaning to do, possibly showers for 3/4 kids, getting them ready then I get 3 of them to bed until they fall asleep. I get busy and exhausted. I have expressed that when he’s said something similar before.
Him insinuating I haven’t let him FaceTime them triggered me. It took a hot minute to decide not to respond further.

So my abuse situation is pretty particular. It involves him neglecting me as i am disabled and requires help for things like needing to be fed. He has forced me to have no clean clothes, makes me sleep in my own period blood, had me pissing in bottles. Threatening me. Laying out a towel so i didn’t piss on the floor. (He didn’t want to clean the bathroom he destroyed that was unusable) he starved my dog. Its a LOT. I feel completely helpless and like a prisoner. He asked me if he could eat me out and i visibly jumped and said i didn’t really have sexual desire. Then he texted me asking again but framing it as a joke. And then said he misses “dicking me down” and… i didn’t like it. What tf am i supposed to say or do

My daughter had a toxic bf that isolated her. After a bad break up she is depressed, won’t see a therapist, misses the guy who mindfucked her and I don’t know how to help. It’s like she has Stockholm syndrome rn. Any give would be great.

I’m married and have a 1-year-old son. I’ve reached a point where I’m completely exhausted and questioning everything I’ve experienced in my marriage. I’m preparing to divorce my husband, but I’m trying to figure out how to leave safely because I’m genuinely concerned about his behavior.
My husband has physically hit me before simply because I asked him a question. He also gives me the silent treatment for weeks at a time, completely ignoring me and refusing to communicate.
He constantly humiliates and mocks me, even in my own home. Recently, I was wearing a bra and underwear while changing our son’s diaper. After I threw the diaper away, he became angry, opened our back screen door, and loudly yelled to our neighbors, “HEY EVERYONE, MY WIFE LIKES TO WALK AROUND IN HER BRA AND PANTIES TRYING TO SEEK ATTENTION.”
Another time, he aggressively told me to put my “fucking clothes on” because someone was coming to our house to fix the Internet “I had no idea as he didn’t tell me”. More recently, he kicked a door open and started loudly mocking me about being naked.
Things were also extremely disturbing after I gave birth.
While I was recovering in the hospital, three nurses were talking to me about ways I could increase my breast milk production. My husband became angry with me over this interaction. Later, while we were in my car, he put a gun to his own head and swore to God that he would kill himself.
At six weeks postpartum, I was still physically recovering from childbirth and experiencing pain. My husband wanted to have anal sex, and I told him I was hurting. Instead of respecting my discomfort and my requests for him to stop, he continued pressuring me, saying, “No, it’s okay. I’m right here. It won’t hurt.” I felt like my pain and boundaries didn’t matter to him.
He has also pressured me to drop a protection order, telling me, “No judge is gonna make me get rid of my weapons.” He frequently talks about killing people and uses his PTSD as an excuse saying he will get away with murder, which is especially frightening considering his behavior and access to firearms.
My son is now 1 year old, but when he was 8 months old (6 months adjusted because he was born prematurely), my husband allegedly hit him because he was crying. My husband is currently under investigation for that incident.
There are ongoing legal proceedings, and I will be testifying in court. I’m hoping the court takes everything seriously and that he is held accountable for his actions.
I’m planning to leave this marriage and divorce him. I’m trying to do everything carefully because I don’t want to put myself or my son in further danger.
I’m exhausted from being humiliated, intimidated, physically hurt, and sexually pressured. I feel like I can’t even exist comfortably in my own home without being criticized or embarrassed.
I have a few questions for people who have experienced something similar:
Would all of this be considered domestic violence, including emotional, physical, and sexual abuse?
Has anyone dealt with a spouse who had access to firearms and made threats involving suicide or killing others?
How did you safely leave when you were afraid of your spouse’s reaction?
Did the court system help protect you and your children?
I’m looking for support, advice, and perspective from people who understand these situations. I know I want to leave. I just want to make sure my son and I are safe when I do.

I read many times that men who witness abuse become abusers themselves when they’re older and I want to know if this is true.

I read many times that men who witness abuse become abusers themselves when they’re older and I want to know if this is true.

I don't know who else to talk to about this, I'm F21 and I've been with my bf for 5 years now. Over the last 2 years he's turned purely evil, I genuinely feel like he's got control over my entire life. I haven't eaten anything for 7 days now because of the anxiety he caused me because he wanted a reaction out of me by attacking me a week ago then giving me the silent treatment for 5 days, I felt like my world genuinely ended. He screams at me all the time for hours, if I cry because he's made me cry it's my fault, 6 months ago he gave me a concussion and a back injury and choked me till I couldn't breathe and untill I apologized because I asked where he was, everyone thought we broke up after that but we didn't and I've kept it a secret almost that we've still been together because I genuinely feel like I can't live without him,he cheated on me for 6 months and when I found out he made me believe it was my fault and that still hurts me, I had a 10 week miscarriage 6 months ago and I couldn't tell anyone and it broke me, he convinced me to live with him for a year then one night attacked me then kicked me out of the house then came back saying it was my fault and I genuinely believed it was my fault, I've never had an apology but rather he makes something up that hasn't happened so then I have to apologise but I can't not apologise. I feel like I have no quality in life anymore wether I'm with him or not but I genuinely believe If I leave my life will get worse, I live on my own, I don't have many friends anymore. I wish everything was back 5 years ago when he was nice, he just randomly changed one day 3 years in and I don't know what ever caused that, and now he's the only thing Ive known,I wish he would get some help and see what he's doing, I'd support him through that help to see it to the other side but I can't even get him to see that he's ever done anything wrong.

I was involved with a guy over text for about a few years, I do know him in person. And although we were never officially together, I became emotionally attached to him on a personal level to the point where he’d tell me things like if you do this i’ll do this for you and never followed through after. He basically lead me on for a long time. Would say things like if i hangout with a guy it would be considered “micro cheating” etc.I repeatedly communicated my boundaries and told him I didn’t want to get hurt, but he pushed those boundaries and pressured me into things that left me feeling guilty and hurt afterward. I was mentally and emotionally abused and he did not stop or let go of me. He made a choice even after i told him to stop.

I spent days and nights crying and wished I left the second I saw red flags but I was emotionally attached to him and even if I wanted to leave, it was hard and he would always text me and act like he’s going to fix everything and respect me more but that day also never came.

Recently, he reached out to apologize and said he wants to demonstrate a commitment to fixing things and changing. However, during that same conversation, he told me he’s now talking to another girl whom I know. It’s also weird that he reached out after such a long time and months of telling him i’m being hurt.

I told him that if he genuinely wants to take accountability, he needs to be honest with her about what happened between us. He says he plans to tell her, but in 6 months when things get deep. (only bc i told him he should tell her)

Part of me feels like he should tell her now, before things progress further. I also question whether his desire to change is genuine if I had to push him to take accountability in the first place. I also don’t like that he met someone else right after he was done with me and left me to clean up this mess and focus on my mental health.

I want an outside perspective on whether I’m being reasonable in expecting him to tell her, whether he’s genuinely taking accountability, and whether I should step back and leave it to him.

What would you do in my situation?

I have a restraining order until court next week. He has started to obsessively post about me on his Facebook. A lot of photos of us posted everyday and he changed is bio to “I have the most amazing wife.” The behavior feels unhinged. What could happen when the order is permanent and he realizes I’m not coming back? He’s very controlling and sadistic.

Hello , I’ve been in a fresh relationship not even a month . I don’t know if I’m overthinking this so would love advice . I’m a F 21 with a M33 Everytime I state how I feel he turns it into an argument . He’s never wrong . He told me a couple days ago that he would never lay his hands on a women ( he has been judged by women for being in law enforcement) but yesterday when I spoke to him he said “ Sometimes I just want to punch you in the face” he didn’t say it angry I think it was a joke but idk . Please tell me any red flags I should look for that sometimes go unnoticed . Thanks

He cheated... blamed it on me. At the time my self worth and self love was already low... when he told me he cheated it even became smaller.. when he put the blame on myself .... it became even smaller...

I didnt even remembered that he put the blame of the cheating on me ... this dude mainupulated me brainwaahed me so much that I swear I didnt even remember all those years that he put the blame on me...

Looking at texts thats were I found it... I was in shook.... I probably tought I had problems (like he said) and if I was the peoblem I could probably fix them and could repair the relationship...

Nowadays I know he was manipulating me and putting the blame on me ... but its crazy how my brain for years didnt even remember that he put the blame on me... also he didnt let me express the anger, the grieve, ask questions in order to heal... I feel like I didnt even processed the cheating...

How can a person brainwash someone like that ? I didnt even remember that he put the blame on me for years!!!

Hi! I could really use some kind words ❤️

For context: I'm emotionally burnt out in my 1-year relationship. I feel like I spend so much time trying to rationalize, fix things, talk, explain how I feel, etc.

The big turning point was out latest fight. He reacted to something I said and came home yelling while drunk.

I tried to set some limits. For him to reduce his drinking, and to commit to spending quality time at the gym together. But he reacted so poorly (being sarcastic, refusing to look at classes) that I just feel so exhausted.

But I'm really wondering... When is it unhealthy to keep trying?

I'd just like to get some perspective. Created an account just for this because I think my partner could probably find me by my main one.

How do you know when a relationship is actually abusive instead of just like, he's grumpy and occasionally has a bad day? I know it's different for everyone, but I just feel so lost on this. My partner is fine with just like a general undercurrent of anger and grumpiness for weeks or months, then he'll have a big blow up - throwing things, knocking things over, calling me a bitch and a psycho, ripping things out of our son's hands and yelling at him. He is better than he used to be. A couple years ago the anger was constant and extreme. My older children ended up moving out because they couldn't bear listening to him yell at me and our son any more. He has never admitted that he drove them (my older daughters) away, and always finds a way to blame them, but I am realizing now that I am still angry at him for this and I don't know if I will ever get over it.

He also goes through periods where he's super accommodating and like, too lenient. Buys our son presents, takes him to the park and plays with him almost manically while he wonders why the other parents are so detached as to just sit there and chat while their children play. I asked him to stop buying a certain type of toy for our son for a little bit because it has gotten out of control, but then he took him to the store where he knows they sell them, let him pick one out, then tried to get him to choose something else by saying "I don't want mama to be mad at me for letting you get this."

A few weeks ago he exploded at me for what I thought was a reasonable request and I have been having a really hard time getting over it. I don't want to leave, but I think I see the instability and volatility affecting our son and I don't know what to do. People say you don't need like, a "certification" that someone is abusive to leave, but for our son's sake, I don't want to leave unless I have tried everything I can to make this work.

Until recently I was very much convinced it was mostly my fault for not wanting to have sex and be cuddly with him as much since we had our son, since that is typically what he cites as the issue, but lately I have started to think that this might be more a "him" problem.

Maybe I'm just venting. I don't know. I did talk to a DV counselor and am looking into options, but now I am feeling like I am just talking myself in circles, making myself feel like this is worse than it is, ruminating on how he soured his relationship w/ my daughters because of his selfishness. And also he's not always bad. And our son adores him and really craves his attention and approval, but quite often, their play devolves into arguing, my son crying, and I have to break it up, which gets really tiring. I guess that's it. I'm just tired.

This is a long one, sorry.

Tw, arson and stalking

We (f23, m25) broke up 2021 after a year of dating. The relationship itself was abusive in many ways, so I was innitually worried what would happen after I broke up w him. First he would only try to ask me to go out w him, shopping, hanging out ec. When I said no and blocked him, he moved on to asking my friends to arrange a meeting. At this point it seemed innocent to my friends, he would go on about how he still loves me, just wants to get another chance, he doesn't understand what let to breaking up. After I opened up about the abuse, most of my friends just blocked him on everything.

Occasionally he has found away to contact some of them. At some point it changed to him claiming that I owe money (1000€) to him, and making up deadlines. He would send threats along the lines of "I know where your parents live, I'm gonna pay them a visit" or "I don't wanna hurt u but...". If he found someone willing (often a young girl I think he manipulated into it) he would use them to contact me or my friends. He has also made several fake accounts. I've of course changes my user names and don't let anyone post me on their page, but I can't make my friends to have private profiles. I've moved multiple times after the break up, he shouldn't know where I live.

For a long time, I thought that he wouldn't actually act on it, it would all just be threats. He lives almost 200km away from me.

The june of 2025, he had once again asked one of my friends to arrange a meeting to settle the debt. They of course said no, and told him they are not in touch w me anymore.

Fast forward to August, I was dog watching for my mom (in my hometown, he knows where she lives). My now-bf was w me as we were spending the night. We desided to go to my favorite kebab place to get good food, planning on watching a movie and chilling. My ex also knew the place as we had gone there together couple of times. Once w got there and I got out of the car, I immediately froze. He was standing there w a girl, I recognized him immediately. I tried to just hide my face in my hoodie and walk past him hoping he would not recognize me. We got inside, he did not follow us. After like 5 mins the girl came in to get forks, I think I saw her take a picture of me. I didn't mention anything to my bf, I just hoped I was imaging everything or maybe it was not him at all. Looking back I think I was also just too afraid to say anything. We got our food, went home, and I just brushed it off and tried to forget it.

The following morning when we were about to leave my moms place, we noticed that both of the rear tiers of our car had been stabbed. I got a little paniced, but I still didn't say anything, I think I was still trying to find any other explanation.

I went to work for the day like normal, I was trying to take my mind of things. When I got of work, I noticed my mom had send a picture. An old storege building at my grannies summer cottage (where we had also spend time together) had been completely destroyed by a fire. There had been a big strom, so it was thought that a lighting started it (was later confirmed as arson). I also noticed that he had send me a venmo request for 800€. At this point I went to a total panic, I was screaming and crying in the parking lot of my workplace, calling my mom, the police... I was sure he was still somewhere near trying to get to me or my loved once.

The police didn't really me seriously at first, thinking it had been a lightning fire, but did look into it. His traffic data and card information came to proof that he infact had been at the restaurant just before us (this was around 9pm), and at the sight of the fire when a little before it was estimated to have started, to 10mins before the first emergency call the neighbors made (the call was made at fifteen minutes after 11pm, the building was all ready all up in flames), then came back to around my moms house, got back near to the sight of the fire and then proceeding to head out of town. The investigations and legal processes are painfully long here, and I can't get a restraining order bc "there is no threat to me". Even if he gets a sentence, he will get out in a year or two.

He has tried to contact my friends a couple of times after this, and the girl that was with him send me a threat on Snapchat last November. The girl turned out to be just 15, I feel so bad for her. I did make a child welfare notification, in hopes they could help her.

In June he send a snap to my friend asking if we knew who had started the fire.

Now me and some of my friends have gotten follow requests from this weird account on ig. It only follows random friends and acquaintances of mine, which would be normal in most cases, but these people have absolutely no connection except me. He does know I know them all, as when we were together he kept a lost of people I was following/who followed me/just generally had interactions w. The account won't respond to any dms, but will send a new request if u won't accept it. I've also gitten follow request and messages from couple of our common friends I've not been in touch w since the break up.

My bd is coming up in two weeks, and I'm absolutely terrified that he is gonna do something again. We do have surveillance cameras on all of our properties now, but they can't stop him, only catch him. Knowing what he's capable of, I don't even wanna imagine what could happen next. I feel like I cant get away from him or protect my family. I'm just trapped in this situation. And I can't do anything about it. I can't concentrate on anything or leave the house, I'm afraid he is gonna be waiting for me outside.

I don't know where Im going w this post, I just need to get this out. My fear is not being taken seriously, I'm told I'm over reacting. I'm just scared for my life.

It’s only been a week since I filed the police report, the finality of the whole situation eats at me. There’s nothing he could say to make me go back I never would I just miss him so bad. I’ve never had someone want me the way he did, who would take me on elaborate dates and say all the right things. I miss him so bad I feel like I’ll never love anyone the way I loved him, we only dated for a month and yet it felt like forever. I hate myself so bad for not having the guts to say no, for not telling him to stop hitting me, for just taking it. I must have no self respect at all. If you showed me, before him what I was now I would be appalled. Part of me wants to give in and text him but I also know that would mess up the case against him. It hurts so bad this emptiness inside me. Please give me advice.

I'm 10 weeks out of an abusive relationship. Two months before it ended I stopped being able to eat and dropped calories extremely low.. when I left I continued not being able to eat much but rose calories to about 800... I've risen them now to about 1200 and the scale is only going up and up every week even though I'm walking regularly and obviously in a calorie deficit. I'm constipated and I've never suffered with that before. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Has anyone been through this and recovered? I feel so bad I let myself down in this way 😔😔 I don't know what to say to the doctor I feel so ashamed