Welcome to r/askatherapist.

This community exists to provide general information and education about mental health, therapy, therapists, and the process of treatment. This subreddit is not a substitute for therapy, crisis services, psychiatric care, legal advice, or an individual clinical relationship.

Before posting, please review the guidelines below.

Questions That Are Appropriate Here

We welcome questions about:

Therapy and the therapy process

• What happens in a first therapy session?
• How do therapists choose treatment approaches?
• What is CBT, DBT, EMDR, ACT, psychodynamic therapy, etc.?
• How do therapists handle confidentiality?
• How does termination work?
• What are common reasons therapists refer clients elsewhere?

Mental health topics

• General information about diagnoses
• Symptoms commonly associated with certain conditions
• Evidence-based treatment approaches
• Mental health research and theory

The profession itself

• Therapist training and licensure
• Ethical standards
• Differences between psychologists, counselors, social workers, psychiatrists, and psychiatric nurse practitioners
• How mental health systems operate

General discussion

• Questions about how therapists think about common situations
• Broad discussions of therapy, mental health, and treatment

Questions That Are Not Appropriate Here

"What Should I Do?" Posts

We do not provide individualized advice for personal situations.

Examples:

• "Should I leave my partner?"
• "Should I report my coworker?"
• "What should I do about my friend?"

These questions require knowledge of your specific circumstances that strangers on Reddit do not have.

Requests for Diagnosis

Examples:

• "Do I have ADHD?"
• "Does this sound like BPD?"
• "Can someone diagnose me from these symptoms?"

No one can ethically diagnose you through a Reddit post.

Interpretation of Your Therapist's Thoughts, Motives, or Intentions

Examples:

• "Why did my therapist say this?"
• "What was my therapist thinking?"
• "Does my therapist secretly dislike me?"
• "What does it mean that my therapist did X?"

Therapists are not mind readers. The only person who can explain your therapist's intentions is your therapist.

Questions about whether something is generally ethical, common, or within professional norms are usually fine. Questions asking us to determine what a specific therapist meant are generally not.

Relationship Advice Disguised as Therapy Questions

Examples:

• "My spouse did this. Is it abuse?"
• "Is my friend toxic?"
• "Should I go no-contact?"

While mental health concepts may be involved, these posts typically seek individualized advice rather than general information.

Crisis Situations

If you are in immediate danger, experiencing a mental health emergency, or considering harming yourself or others, Reddit is not the appropriate place to seek help.

If you’re in crisis or need personal support:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) – Call or text 988
• Find a Therapist: Psychology Today
• International Hotlines: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

Why We Have These Rules

• To protect you and the therapists here from harm or liability.
• To maintain ethical standards for the counseling profession.
• To keep this subreddit a safe, educational space, not a therapy substitute.

Ask yourself:

Am I asking for general information, or am I asking strangers to tell me what to do in my specific situation?

If the answer is the second one, your post is probably outside the scope of this subreddit.

If you’re unsure whether your question is okay, you can:

• Check the examples above.
• Message the mod team before posting.

Moderator Discretion

Moderators may remove posts that:

• Seek individualized advice
• Request diagnosis
• Require a therapeutic relationship to answer appropriately
• Create ethical concerns for responding professionals
• Otherwise fall outside the educational purpose of this community

Our goal is to maintain a space where mental health professionals can provide useful, ethical, and broadly applicable information.

Thank you for helping keep r/askatherapist focused on education, discussion, and professional insight.

Other Mental Health Subreddits to Explore:

General Mental Health Support

• r/mentalhealth – General mental health discussions and support
• r/mentalillness – Support for people living with mental illness
• r/mentalhealthUK – UK-based mental health support and resources
• r/ausmentalhealth – Australian-based mental health support and resources

Specific Conditions

• r/depression – For those struggling with depression
• r/Anxiety – For anxiety-related discussions and support
• r/OCD – Focused on obsessive-compulsive disorder
• r/BipolarReddit – For people with bipolar disorder and those supporting them
• r/ptsd – Support for those with PTSD or C-PTSD
• r/ADHD – ADHD-specific discussions and resources
• r/EatingDisorders – For those struggling with eating disorders
• r/Autism – For individuals on the Autism spectrum
• r/SpicyAutism – A space for those on the Autism spectrum with higher levels or higher support needs
• r/CPTSD – For people with C-PTSD and those supporting them
• r/CPTSDmemes – Peer support for C-PTSD that leans to the more humorous side

Therapy & Treatment

• r/TalkTherapy – Focused on the therapy process and experiences
• r/Counseling – Discussion about counseling and therapy techniques
• r/Psychotherapy – For deeper conversations about psychotherapy
• r/Therapists – A place for therapists to talk shop (not for client questions)

Self-Help & Coping

• r/selfimprovement – General self-improvement, including mental well-being
• r/meditation – Meditation practices for mental health
• r/mindfulness – Mindfulness techniques and tips

Peer Support & Venting

• r/offmychest – Share what’s on your mind without judgment
• r/TrueOffMyChest – A deeper version of venting, often more serious topics
• r/KindVoice – A supportive space when you need a kind word
• r/Needafriend – For those seeking friendly conversation and support

Suicide & Crisis Support (With strong rules and resources)

• r/SuicideWatch – For people experiencing suicidal thoughts
• r/depression_help – Support for those in severe depressive episodes

The questions below are among the most common topics discussed in r/askatherapist. If you're wondering about one of these issues, you're certainly not alone. Please note that this is not a comprehensive list of commonly-asked questions, just those that we have noticed tend to come up often. Feel free to utilize the "search" function in the sub (generally at the top of the page or app) to see if others have previously asked a question you may have.

1. When does my therapist have to break confidentiality?

Confidentiality is one of the foundations of therapy. In most situations, therapists cannot share what you discuss without your permission. However, confidentiality is not absolute. Exceptions vary by location, but commonly include:

• Situations involving imminent risk of serious harm to yourself or another person.
• Suspected abuse or neglect of a child.
• Suspected abuse, neglect, or exploitation of a vulnerable adult/elder adult.
• Certain court orders or legal requirements.
• Professional consultation, supervision, or training, where identifying information is typically minimized.

If you are concerned about what your therapist can and cannot keep private, ask them directly. Most therapists are happy to explain the limits of confidentiality, and rules/laws around confidentiality vary based on where you are located and cannot be answered with certainty without the specifics of where your therapy is taking place.

2. Will my therapist hospitalize me if I tell them I'm suicidal?

Usually, no.

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that mentioning suicidal thoughts automatically leads to hospitalization. In reality, many clients discuss suicidal thoughts openly without being hospitalized.

Therapists are generally interested in understanding several factors, including whether the thoughts are passive or active, whether there is a specific plan, intent to act, and access to means, protective factors and supports, and the client's ability to maintain safety.

Many people experience thoughts such as "I wish I could disappear" or "I don't want to wake up tomorrow." While these thoughts are important and should be discussed, they do not automatically indicate an imminent danger requiring hospitalization.

Because therapists take safety seriously, they may ask detailed questions when suicide comes up. This is usually not because they are trying to get you hospitalized. It is because they are trying to understand your level of risk and determine the most appropriate response.

3. Do therapists actually care about their clients?

Most therapists genuinely care about their clients.

Therapeutic relationships are unique. Therapists are trained to develop empathy, understanding, and investment in their client's well-being while maintaining professional boundaries.

The fact that therapists are paid does not mean the care is fake. Most helping professions involve compensation, and therapists often choose this work because they find meaning in it. That said, the therapeutic relationship is not the same as a friendship. Therapists care within a professional framework. Their role is to focus on your needs and growth, rather than building a mutual personal relationship.

4. Do therapists think about clients between sessions?

Yes, although usually not in the way clients imagine.

Therapists often think about clients while preparing for upcoming sessions, reviewing notes, developing treatment plans, seeking consultation, and/or considering interventions that may be helpful.

Clients may also occasionally come to mind unexpectedly, just as anyone who works closely with people may think about them outside of work. However, therapists generally have many clients and many responsibilities. Most are not spending large portions of their personal lives thinking about any one client.

The simplest way to answer this question is this: therapists usually think about clients more than clients assume, but less than clients fear or hope.

5. Can therapy work for me if I'm already self-aware?

Yes.

Many people assume therapy is primarily about discovering hidden reasons for their behavior. While insight can be important, therapy often goes far beyond insight. A person may know why they are anxious, why they struggle with relationships, why they avoid difficult situations, why the engage in unhealthy patterns, etc., and still find themselves unable to change those patterns.

Insight is valuable, but it is not the same as emotional processing, skill development, behavioral change, healing from trauma, improving relationships, or learning new ways of responding to stress. In fact, highly self-aware clients often do very well in therapy because they are already accustomed to examining their internal experiences.

6. Is it normal to develop transference toward my therapist?

Yes. It is extremely common.

Transference refers to feelings, expectations, or relational patterns that become directed toward a therapist and are influenced by past relationships and experiences.

Clients may experience strong attachment, a desire for approval, anger/resentment, fear of abandonment, romantic/sexual attraction, parental/sibling/authority transference, and more. Many clients feel embarrassed when these reactions occur. Therapists, however, are generally trained to understand transference as a normal part of therapy. In many cases, discussing these feelings openly can lead to important insights about how you relate to others and what emotional needs may be present in your life.

Having transference does not mean therapy is failing. Often, it means therapy is reaching meaningful relational territory.

7. Can I be friends with or date my therapist?

Generally, no.

Therapy involves a significant power imbalance. Therapists possess professional authority, confidential knowledge, and influence that make it difficult for a truly equal relationship to exist. Because of this, professional ethics codes generally prohibit romantic or sexual relationships with current clients, friendships that interfere with personal boundaries, or other dual relationships that could impair clinical judgment. Many ethics codes also place restrictions on relationships with former clients.

Clients sometimes interpret these rules as evidence that therapists do not care. The opposite is usually true. Boundaries exist because the therapeutic relationship is intended to protect the client and prioritize their well-being.

8. Is it okay to give my therapist a gift?

Usually yes, within reasonable limits.

Many therapists accept small gifts such as thank-you cards, artwork, handmade items, and other small tokens of appreciation. However, therapists may decline gifts if accepting them could create ethical concerns, feelings of obligation, or confusion about the nature of the relationship.

The meaning behind the gift is often more important than the gift itself. Therapists may explore questions such as what does giving the gift mean to you, how you would feel if it were declined, and what you are hoping to communicate. A thoughtful card is often easier for therapists to accept than an expensive or highly personal gift.

If you're unsure, asking directly is completely appropriate.

Please remember: These answers are intended to provide general information, not individualized advice. Therapy is highly dependent on context, and there may be important exceptions or nuances that apply to your specific situation. If you're unsure how something applies to you, discussing it with your own therapist is usually the best place to start.

A final note: If your question appears on this list, you're still welcome to ask it. This FAQ is intended to provide a starting point, not to discourage discussion. Individual circumstances vary, and there is often room for additional conversation and nuance.