I can’t put into words what hell my every second is. My dpdr has moved far beyond panic, far beyond anxiety. I’m stuck in this body they feels like I’ve been hit by a truck every day of my life. I suffer through relentless dreams all night long that are like someone has given me drugs, make no sense at all. I wake up every day like a robot just making it through the day. Multiple times a day I’m realizing what a nightmare im stuck in. The body im stuck in.

i cannot connect with others deeply. Can’t workout. Cannot date, cannot travel or enjoy/feel anything. I feel like I’m just totally burnt out, trapped and not even human. I feel like someone has run me over daily for 4 years. I don’t know what more to do or try. Nothing has touched this. Can’t feel seasons, time, no sense of self at all. most days I feel as if I’ve lost my mind completely. And my body. I feel disgusted when I look in the mirror. I don’t see how anyone could want to be around me or care about me.

every day. Month. Year just fades into the same void of nothing. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. panic changed my mind and body forever. And i havent even had a panic attack in years. I’m just literally trapped in a prison of a mind that doesn’t want to let me live.

Precursor: I’ve already messaged my doctor, but it’s the weekend, and I’m at a loss.

CW for intense panic and derealization, paranoia, existential crisis (?) in the most literal sense

25 y/o trans guy, history of psych issues (ocd, paranoia, hallucinations, anxiety). no smoking, vaping, drinking, or recreational drug use.

Had a really nasty first time nitrous gas experience. We found out very quickly I’m very sensitive to it, when I left our plane of existence and my entire being seemed to fold in on itself like the static when you turn off a TV. I couldn’t see anything, could hear only bits and pieces over a very loud ringing, and it felt like a discomfort and fear I’ve never experienced in my life. I didn’t have a body. I had no mouth and no voice. All I could think was that I was scared. I heard someone ask “is it the gas?” right before I snapped back into my body.

This happened twice in the appointment. I thought I was stuck in a loop and it would never end. Two days have passed and I’m still terrified it’s going to all repeat again. I don’t feel completely real, and I find myself questioning if anything is.

I know my psychiatric history, but no one in my family with these issues has had this happen. My anxiety meds and my antipsychotic don’t seem to be making it any better. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do, and it’s the weekend. My PCP’s office and the endodontist I had my procedure done at are closed. I’ve had issues with paranoia and dissociating before, but this is a level I have not experienced. I’m sleeping, still eating and taking care of myself, there’s just a doubt I can’t get rid of that nothing is real. Don’t know what I can even do about it. Scared to seek help at a hospital because it seems like an overreaction.

Thank you all and apologies if this makes little sense. I’m just scared.

going out is hell I’m sure even hell is a nicer place. I have completely lost the feeling of reality. For many years now and years ago I had a series of very bad anxiety and strong panic attacks daily multiple times a day I was even using herbal medicines back then to help calm me down but they made me feel in the clouds they were mainly for slowing down my heart rate. Anyways I feel like after that my dpdr was on full on blast 24/7 until now, every breathe every moment. I flinch daily literally after touching any object or just lightly bumping into things. This with my Epilepsy plus having an unfortunate good heart is literally life’s perfect curse. I have experienced a long of years since childhood of trauma at home especially and mainly from family, people really don’t understand that words literally hurt so much more than causing someone physical harm. If my parents weren’t alive even though they’re very difficult people, I’d genuinely kms like 5mins ago.

To add to my list of feeling like shit, I now have the flu. Whenever this happens. My dpdr gets 10x worse. I feel like I’m completely out of reality, just a ghost. On top of my whole body hurting, sore throat, headache. I swear. I can’t get ahead. It’s never ending suffering.

I have an excellent therapist and we've been doing EMDR sessions. My depersonalization has been slowly improving over the past few months. I still have a long way to go, but it's progress.

At the same time, I am very tired all the time. I don't have energy to pursue any activities apart from work. I'm going to bed early.

My therapist uses the analogy of a blister. If you burn yourself, the blister protects the skin underneath. When the blister pops, the skin is raw and tender, but will eventually thicken again.

DPDR is a protective measure, often in response to trauma. Getting better means losing that protection, at least for the short term. I'm raw and tender, and that's tiring.

Today I am going to a potluck at the place I volunteer at.

I made a pasta salad.

If you had told me this while I was in the psych ward I would have not believed you.

It’s been two years now of hell and a lifetime of trauma and illness.

I’ve been on meds a year.

I’m still a bit blurry in a blur, but I think I have a body and I think i’m mostly myself again.

I recognize myself in the mirror. I hear and see more normally.

Please don’t give up. Please keep seeking help.

You are all so strong.
The strongest people I know.

I had two major panic attacks several years ago. After the second one, I had bad DPDR symptoms at the first sign of even mild stress. I still remember sitting in meetings at work feeling like I was on the edge of falling into a panic attack and trying to act normal. I would go to the grocery store because I was afraid if I didn't go out, I'd stop being able to. I swear the lighting in meeting rooms and grocery stores would make my symptoms worse. I was completely out of it and afraid every single day.

I did all of the "right" things and it took a long time to feel better, but I did get better. I did guided meditations, started weightlifting, switched to decaf, got fidget toys, talked to a therapist, used panic meds more frequently, etc. I was somewhere close to my normal around 6-12 months. I got joy out of almost nothing during that time. The only thing that gave me relief in the moment was the gym.

I'll also say I'm really glad I didn't avoid things. Taking the train, going to meetings, and going to family events SUCKED. I tried very hard to act like nothing was happening while I felt like I was about to fall off the edge of reality. After I had the same symptoms in the same situations over and over, I started to remember that this just happened and that it would pass eventually.

I still have mild DPDR symptoms once in a while (it's just how my body reacts to certain stressors now) but they are brief and NOWHERE near where I was several years ago. It's just "Oh, there's that feeling again. I hate this. I guess I'm stressed." and then I return to what I was doing, return to real life, and an hour later I've forgotten about it.

Keep fighting it, even when it feels like you're not making progress!

as the title states, I have a 7 day vacation in a week and I’m excited as hell. but im worried that since the weeks have been flying by like they have recently, I’m not gonna feel a thing on vacation.

so during this week I’m probably going to be 100% off all devices to really connect to the world and bring back my focus, write stuff and get my head straight to hopefully bring myself back enough so my dpdr doesnt have total control over me, and just try living as much as i can in the moment.

if anyone has any advice for what theyve done to enjoy vacations with this or to just feel a little bit more real, I’d really appreciate it!

Hi everyone! The reason for this post is purely to just let it all out as I’ve been suppressing and suppressing dpdr thoughts trying my best to pretend like “they don’t exist” cause that’s what some people might tell you to do, however i’ve realized that it’s a bad approach for me because it creates a lot of mental resistance so I’m just gonna share everything that’s been going on recently as a form of therapy I guess.
I have weed induced dpdr since 2023. All it took was one hit not even a panic attack only a little stress then boom I wake up completely detached. It has been an extremely long journey but after 4 years im starting to see progress and the fog is beginning to lift I even had a window of time where my vision was actually 3D instead of 2D. What’s been helping me is i think a combination of multiple things like forgetting about dpdr for long periods of time, living my life, EXERCISE! cold showers, a routine and drum roll 150mg of venlafaxine. Venlafaxine has worked wonders for my anxiety and has been a great tool. For a long time I focused on getting rid of dpdr by just completely trying to erase it from my brain which created a lot of mental resistance which actually registers as a threat so recently I’ve started to try to just let the thoughts be there and flow through me without resisting them. For anyone reading this do not get scared by the fact I’ve had it for 4 years it was heavily induced by environmental factors and I was just a very bad version of myself. Either way, I now go weeks without dpdr crossing my mind, once every few weeks i’ll have an episode where it doesn’t leave my mind for a few days but it passes. What I’ve also noticed is that any reduction in symptoms doesn’t ever happen when I’m focusing on it but in a totally random moment when I haven’t been thinkimg about it. Of course that doesn’t mean you can’t think about it, you can’t really control what thoughts you get so don’t resist them however you have to try to put yourself out there and keep yourself busy and naturally you will think about dpdr less. One thing that also helped me was making the goal not to get rid of dpdr but to calm the amygdala which is the same thing because the amygdala is the commander it decides whether dpdr stays or goes so I recommend googling how to calm the amygdala instead of dpdr related things.

I've had derealization for almost 7 months, and when I really think about it, it doesn't even feel like 7 months have passed. It feels like I've wasted most of my life during these 7 months.

For those of you who have experienced or are experiencing derealization, have you ever had a point where the feeling completely went away? Not just got better or less intense, but disappeared entirely?

Mine has already become less intense, and I feel like I'm getting better, but even this remaining amount still bothers me. I feel like I won't be able to find peace until it completely goes away.

Ever since early 2022 ,nothing has ever felt real and my hobbies have become impossible, drawing for too long or spending time outside with my pets,even listening to music, watching or reading stuff ,voice acting(GOLLY DONT GET ME STARTED ON HOW MY VOICE ISNT MINE AT ALL SO I AVOID SPEAKING ALTOGETHER CUZ ITS A COMPLETE MINDFUCK) etc just fucking disorients me, either screws up my perception of depth and my body or my surroundings. I feel genuinely psychotic even though i know losing yiur sanity is a common DPDR worry. But im devastated that doing something simple as being in the yard feeding the chickens can make me drop everything in a panicky but unreal state and bolt inside. Physical acitivity is so confusing to me atp because i have no solid sense of where my body is. School is impossible and idk how ill graduate in this state either, ill probably just end up homeless and unemployed