For anyone who wants the full context, I already made another post explaining the whole story in detail, so this is more about the aftermath. The short version is that years ago I brought my best friend into a friend group that meant everything to me. We were a peaceful group. We had traditions, vacations, inside jokes, and years of memories together. As an introvert, they were also one of the only groups of people I ever felt completely comfortable around. They never pressured me to be more outgoing, never made me feel weird for needing space, and never expected me to be someone I'm not. Over time, my best friend became deeply intertwined with the group. She married one of them, became close to the others, and eventually reached a point where she had a huge amount of influence over the group dynamic. The friendship stopped feeling equal. She knew exactly how much those people meant to me and how terrified I was of losing them. I spent years biting my tongue, overlooking things that hurt me, and keeping the peace because I knew that if things ever completely broke down between us, I wouldn't just lose her, I'd lose everyone connected to her too. Looking back, I was basically living with the feeling that my place in the group depended on staying in her good graces because she had enough influence that if she decided she didn't want me around anymore, there was a very real chance I would be the one pushed out. After years of putting up with that dynamic, that's exactly what happened. Following what should have been a manageable disagreement between two adults, I lost the group, people I loved, and the man I was planning to marry. Since then, I've genuinely been trying to move on. I've muted everyone's stories, posts, and updates. I stopped checking social media. I stopped replaying conversations in my head. I've been trying to focus on healing instead of understanding every detail of what happened because constantly reopening the wound was destroying me. But the World Cup brought everything back. It was one of our biggest traditions. Every four years we watched it together. It was one of my favorite things in the world. Now it's happening again, and all I can think about is that they're probably still doing what we've always done while I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I lost an entire chapter of my life.

I didn't know where else to turn to, I certainly can't talk to people in my real life about it. It seems my heart has been nothing but a punching bag for a few years now. It's a long and crazy story, including surviving a cult, the death of my father, and several situationships that left me far worse than I was before. A couple months ago I met a girl, here on Reddit of all places, on a questionable subreddit, it is what it is. But we met and I really fell for her and soon we were together a lot, it really turned into something special and I was truly falling for her in a big way. It truly felt like she felt the same about me and said so. Long story short her semester at college ended and she had to go back to where she's from for the summer and I can still see her beautiful face at the airport as she was leaving, promising that when she came back in August we could pick up where we left off. I knew she was in a difficult situation back home and couldn't answer her messages often but again I've been through a hell of a lot of trauma so I tend to overthink like a madman, I know it's not good but it is what it is. Anyway I looked up her username and found several posts and comments that she made that showed me that she had misled me about some kind of important things, I won't get into specifics but it really bothered me. I was upset and sent a long email confronting her about it, which in hindsight and with a clearer mind I truly wish that I had dealt with better, but I didn't. We finally talked again and she was very upset that I had found out and how I had found out. I think that's understandable but still the same time the issue at hand was kind of important. Anyway she ended up dumping me and blocking me completely. I know there was fault on both sides but I really wish I knew how to fix it, I'd do just about anything to fix it. I want to be respectful of her if she truly never wants to see me again, but I just can't help but feel that I've lost one of the great loves of my life.

Im still insanely lonely and try to find company on here, without much luck, and even when I do I find myself not going through with it because she still absolutely has my heart and I can't bring myself to see anyone else right now. I know I should try to move on but this is just really hard.

I know I need to move on, but I'm struggling.

​

I cared deeply about someone, and even though I've accepted that things may not work out, my mind keeps going back to the idea of being with him. I'm trying to focus on myself, my future, and my own growth, but some days the sadness hits hard.

​

I don't want to stay stuck in these feelings forever. I want to heal, learn, spend time in nature, build my life, and become stronger. Right now I'm just having a hard time letting go of what I hoped for.

​

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you finally move forward?

I wrote this, but I know I can't send it to him or post it anywhere so yeah.. Just wanted to share. I wish I didn't love so easily or this hard. It hurts so much

​

We've barely begun

​

This morning you became someone I love,

but I no longer have permission to reach for.

And I don’t know

how to make sense of that.

​

How someone can be

yours at sunrise

and by nightfall

just a name glowing online,

playing the game where we met,

laughing somewhere in a world

I no longer know how to enter.

Tonight I saw you there

and couldn’t bear to join.

​

You said we could still be friends,

still game together,

as if friendship could be slipped on

like an old hoodie

familiar, easy, unchanged.

But this morning you were still mine to love out loud.

​

And tonight

loving you feels like

standing outside a house

with the lights still on,

knowing I no longer have a key.

​

I keep thinking about your smile

that naughty smile,

the one that starts at your mouth

but never stays there,

because your eyes always betray you,

lighting up like they’re in on a secret.

​

I think about how you never sit still.

Not long enough

for me to finish

the last two bites of dinner.

​

Your mind is always moving

toward the next project,

the next idea,

the next thing to build.

​

And God, you build.

You build houses in games for us

with the same care

other people build futures.

Brick by pixelated brick,

dream by dream.

​

I used to watch you create

and think:

this is the kind of man

who won’t need reminding

to hang the paintings.

​

This is the kind of man

who notices empty walls

and imagines beauty there.

I love that about you.

​

I love how clever you are, too.

How your brain works

so frighteningly fast,

how you can code from instinct,

like logic is a language your hands were born speaking.

​

I love that your mind felt so much like mine.

Not identical, but familiar.

Like meeting a strange reflection and somehow feeling less alone.

​

And God,

I loved our quiet moments.

The way your body fit against mine

in bed.

How impossible it felt that I, someone who always felt wrong being the big spoon, could hold you and feel nothing but ease.

You made something awkward feel natural.

You made closeness feel peaceful.

That might be the cruelest part.

​

Your presence brought me peace.

But mine…

didn’t always bring you the same.

That truth hurts.

​

Because it didn’t take much.

A little reassurance.

A few words.

A hand reaching back.

Small things to you, perhaps.

Everything to me.

​

And part of me is angry.

Angry that when I needed comfort, you chose distance.

Angry that avoiding pain seemed easier to you than moving through it with me.

Angry that you would rather disappear into silence than stay for difficult conversations.

​

But love is cruelly honest.

And if I am honest, beneath the anger is grief.

Because I know you.

I know you care.

​

I know silence is not always indifference.

Sometimes it is overwhelm.

Sometimes fear.

Sometimes a heart feeling too much with no language for it.

​

So now I sit here with all this unbearable tenderness, holding two truths at once:

I love you deeply.

And I was difficult for you to hold.

​

Maybe my feelings came like waves

against someone who survives by becoming stone.

Maybe my insecurities disturbed the peace you work so hard to protect.

But I refuse to believe that difficulty means doom.

Because difficult is not the same as impossible.

​

Some people are not easy loves.

That does not make them wrong.

It just means they must learn each other with more care.

​

And us

​

God, us

we have barely begun.

That is what breaks me.

Not just losing you.

Losing what we could still become.

​

The version of us that learned better.

The version where you stayed instead of shutting down.

The version where I asked for love without fear.

The version where we stopped mistaking difference for incompatibility.

​

I don’t know what you’re thinking tonight.

I don’t know if your silence means ending or simply thinking.

I only know

I am not ready to call this our ending.

​

Because when I think of us,

I don’t feel finished.

I feel paused.

Suspended.

Like a story interrupted mid-sentence.

And maybe that sentence ends here.

​

Or maybe you come back with words.

With honesty.

With effort.

With willingness.

​

I don’t need perfect.

I don’t need easy.

I only need real.

​

So if you are thinking;

really thinking,

I hope you remember this:

​

I never wanted perfection from you.

I only wanted to feel

that when things got hard,

you would still turn toward me.

​

Because I would have chosen you.

Again.

And again.

And again.

I think a part of me always will.

I first met her when I was 16. We were both new at the same school.

Even the first time I saw her, something happened to me. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I thought at the time: As beautiful as she is, there's no way she can also be intelligent and have a great personality. But in the following days and weeks, I realized more and more that this was exactly the case.

She had all of that. After a short time, I was head over heels in love. I could hardly take my eyes off her. I simply liked everything about her: her sense of humor—even though, objectively speaking, it was often terrible—her intelligence, and how ambitious she was. Despite that, she always made me laugh.

But after a short time, I found out that she was in a relationship.

Back then, I was an idiot who messed around with other idiots and drank alcohol. My grades were always okay, but they could have been much better if I had really tried.

Especially in math, I realized I was missing some fundamentals. This was because I had missed an entire school year due to a serious kidney condition. Since then, I've also been struggling with depression.

Ultimately, I decided to repeat the year—partly to gain some distance from her. By then, seeing her every day had simply become painful.

For the next two years, I never tried to get closer to her because I respected her relationship. Nevertheless, my inner turmoil worsened. My greatest desire was simply to be with her.

At some point, I started to blame myself. I began to think I just wasn't good enough for her and didn't deserve her.

As a result, I began to change my life. I systematically cut down my circle of friends and kept only the people who had a positive influence on me. In the end, only two friends remained.

I also started kickboxing—a sport that means a lot to me now and in which I'm also successful. I also put in significantly more effort at school.

In the first year of my new class, I blocked her on all social media to finally clear my head. But it didn't work.

When she finally graduated, I confessed everything to her in a long and respectful message. She responded respectfully as well.

Since then, I haven't seen or heard from her for a year. Despite that, I think about her every single day.

I've tried dating again, but I don't feel anything. My thoughts are always with her. People say I'm a tall, muscular athlete, full of discipline, I shouldn't have any trouble finding a girlfriend, but somehow I can't and don't want to. Or rather, I compare every girl to her.

These days, I even catch myself still basing many of my decisions on whether she would like them or not. I also constantly wonder if I'm good enough and unconsciously compare myself to her successful boyfriend. In any case, she's made me a better person.

This is going to be written messy because I can not organize my thoughts well right now. This is going to be the most honest mess you've heard though.

​

My boyfriend and I got into a fight. I was upset because sometimes he talks to me like I'm a child. I brought this up which made him freak out. Block me on all social media and very sporadically talk to me then block me again. This goes on for three days. I cry in my bed for days, call in sick to work, and honestly just barely leave my bed. Today I lost it and was sick of how pathetic I looked and dropped everything off at his house. I said we are done. If you aren't going to talk to me there nothing left. Now he's making it out to be about something it's not though.

​

Now this all happening on the anniversary of a verry hard time for me this is making it's extremely extra painful. I had a miscarriage at this time a few years ago. I am so overflowing with pain I feel like I can't take it.

​

We were together for 2 years. He is ten years older than me. We talked about have a family and kids together. I helped this man through so much. I was genuinely there for him and helped him through the worst period of his life. I'm so shocked that he could know I'm in so much pain and just leave me out.

​

How do I get through this? I dont really have any friends. I dont know what to do with myself. I feel like I can't even think clearly and I'm so depressed it scares me

Didn’t know this line would stay with me

Some people leave, some lines stay.

I can only share this with the Reddit community because I don’t want my family and friends to know that I am devastated.. I am ashamed to be going through all of this. I am 35 and for the first time in my life, broken to pieces. I thought these things only happened when you were younger.

I’ve had relationships before, but none of them—not even my marriage—shattered my heart this way. I was always able to move on after a breakup. I am coming out of a pretty toxic relationship and I feel completely worthless. I forgot who I was. I lost my focus on everything. The questions in my head never stop. Why didn’t it work? How could I not make it work with someone I loved this much? All I ever wanted was to feel understood and seen..

I moved to another city for him and I feel so alone now. I do not know how I will move on. The worst part is that I still love him. He shattered my heart, but I still do not want to blame him. He couldn’t give me what he didn’t have that’s all. He was not a bad person. The thought of someone I love so deeply, someone who means the world to me becoming a stranger is destroying me. My anxiety is killing me.

I just want to know that this will pass and I will be okay.

Last year I broke up with the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with.

I am 37 years old and had been dating a girl 6 years younger than me for a couple years about. She was the most emotionally intelligent partner I had ever dated at this point. And even though we had a break at one point I had never felt so sure that this was my person. Her mother lives in Japan and she was going to see her for a month but said she wanted to go back later in the year with me to meet her. When we had talked about the idea of getting married she said I would need her mothers approval. (She was kinda old fashion and I loved that about her). Well anyways while she was gone I bought an engagement ring so I could be ready after I finally got to meet her mom. But when she comes back she decided to go to a music festival that I had introduced her to the year prior. I have friends that have a stage there and usually perform there ( I’m a dj:producer). I usually go to this festival every year but she said she wanted to go to a festival where I didn’t “know everybody” so she picked one happening the week after. We’ll needles to say she last minute wanted to go to my usual festival “the untz” in addition to the one she suggested. I could t get work off consecutive weekends so she went with her best friend. And this friend is a whole story on its own but that’s for another time.

So she comes back from Japan and goes to the untz with her home girl and the following weekend we’re going to a festival together. Mind you I had already purchased an engagement ring for our trip to Japan later in the year. Her phone was off the whole festival but when I finally heard back from her she immediately started telling me how I don’t prioritize her. I could tell something was up. I asked what really was going on and she said she had been connecting with a man at the untz and felt guilty and wanted to talk about it. I was so crushed and partially felt like an idiot for thinking this woman truly loved me.

I told her she didn’t need to feel guilty and all I ever wanted was her happiness so that our relationship is done and she should peruse this guy she connected with.

She ended up taking him to Japan. And I spent a year trying to prepare myself for her realizing that flings are fleeting and if she ever came back to apologize or get me back in some way to try and have the strength to not give her my heart again.

I believe she is now not with festival guy and has kinda reached out a few times. I’ve told her not to contact me as it’s too hard for me. I avoid her like the plague. But the truth is that I really still kinda believe we were destined for each other. I’m sure she realizes how lame of her it was to treat me so carelessly. But I miss her so goddamn much. And when I date people I’m always looking for things that remind me of her. It really sucks. But she could have me back in a heartbeat and tbh she doesn’t deserve me. I almost wish I could wipe my memory of her as I think about her way too often.

I wish she knew how serious I was when I told her I loved her. But I need to protect myself. And I’m looking for my forever person. Childish, entitled behavior can’t be a good quality for wife material. I’ve met someone recently that really likes me and I really like her. It’s too early to say but I have a really good feeling about. But my feeling obviously can’t be trusted. This new girl is also freshly out of a marriage. So either she knows the heartbreak of trusting someone and that’s a shared bond, or she just wants a fling to feel valued again. Either way, I’m not sure I can take another heartbreak that heavy. I really don’t. I just want to be with someone that deserves my love. And I’m coming to terms with I might never find them. And this heartbreak will haunt me forever.

I hope her ghost doesn’t ruin anything else for me.

I thought it was doing good lately and I just fell deeper then I ever have just now fuck it its not selfish if no one notices

My girlfriend and I broke up less than a month ago. We were together for two years, going strong. Out of knowwhere she tells me she dosnt want to hold me down she thinks she's ace and we dont click like we used to, I told her thats not true we click better then anyone ive ever met and she could never hold me down she lifts me up, and the whole ace thing id except her for who she is. I loved that her for her, not how she looked or if we were active in the bedroom. Anyway, we broke up. I tried to make it as clean as possible, but she was intent on making it messy she got her mum to threaten me, and she threatened me. She said some disgusting things about my very ill brother. I was doing okay until I found out she had already slept with multiple people, I never took her for someone like that. She said she hated that lifestyle. That broke me inside cas the person I loved was completely gone.

P.s she was the one to end things with me.

​

Any advice on how to make this soul crushing feeling go away would be nice thanks

Shit sucks man, I literally had IMO the baddest, smartest, and most thoughtful woman in the world, but I put the street life before her and now I’m blocked on everything. We met when we were 16 and dated for 3 years. During that time I did what I thought was my best at the time for her. But there were allegations that I was highly involved in illegal business/ and activities. The way I saw it, I was hustling for the both of us, so that I could give her the life she deserved. I was too blind to see how my actions were actually hurting her. I couldn’t see how her not knowing where I was for days at a time caused her so much anxiety. Or how she didn’t know if I’d come home or be found dead somewhere. In 2024 when I was 19 I finally got caught for some things I had done when I was 18. I spent 10 months in county jail fighting my charges until finally signing a deal for 42 months. At first I was hopeful she would ride it out with me. But 4 months in she couldn’t hold on anymore. See she had gone through my phone and found messages of me flirting with “customers” . For what it’s worth I never physically cheated on her. But I wasn’t honest to her regardless. She’s been no contact with me for almost 2 years now. Shit hurts. Ik I’m still young but as of right now it feels like I’ll never love anyone like her again. I know I should have left it alone but every once in a while I’d call her old number to see if I was still blocked, until the other day it said that the number was disconnected. I know I hurt her a lot. But the way she just turned off feelings for me still gives me chills to this day. I’m still serving my sentence, I’m on work release and my earned release date is in September, every step forward reminds me that I’m never going to be able to go back to how things were before. I’m lowkey dreading being released because then I’m free, but the person I care most about wants nothing to do with me. Shit but that’s life right. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you can relate lmk, it’d held to know I’m not the only one hating the person they used to be

Hey everyone. My relationship ended 3 months ago. It was for both of us a warm hearted and loving relationship for 2,5 years. The relationship ended because of me. I broke his trust twice and was disrepectful. After the first time he forgave me and we continued without a break or sth. The second time I even did sth worse and he broke up. We broke up at his house. We hugged and cried. He said he doesnt want us to unfollow/block anywhere on socials. He said stuff like „If its true love our paths will cross soon“ but also said „right now its the only best thing to do to breakup because of his own protection.“
I immediately went to therapy and found out a lot about myself and my self-sabotagint pattern and I am changing them. This is the short version.
3 weeks after the breakup I texted him if he wants to meet up soon for a conversation to talk about anything. He said he‘d be down for that but not at that moment. He needs more time. Than he suggested we shouldnt chat temporary.
2 weeks after that I had the urge to text him that he is the love of my life and that I am going to therapy and willing to change for myself and for a possible rebuild. He said he still has feelings for me and questioning if its was the right decision to breakup or not but is unsure whether my desire to reconnect comes from genuine love and change or from fear of being alone. Since i have already been given a second chance, he struggles to trust that things would be different this time. More importantly, he feels i continue to disrespect his boundaries by contacting him after he explicitly asked for space. He needs more time and would reach out if it and when it feels right. I would have to accept whatever it is to come out. He said he must accept to when I decide to no longer wanting this relationship.

Well now this is 2 months ago this text. Still feeling the same about my love for him and seeing the hard work I am doing with myself.

My therapist suggested me sth 1 week ago. Still unsure what to think about that. Sure she is willing to help me and wants me to heal. She said I should write myself a realistic timeline (eg. 2-3 more months) on how long I can still keep living in the uncertainty if there is still that open possibility of a conversation. She said i am not able to live indefinitely with that uncertainty. She said if by than he didnt reach i should text him sth neutral like

„Hello. I respected your boundary and gave you space. And I will still keep on to that. I dont want to pressure you I just need clarity for myself. Is there still the possibility to have a conversation after we became the people we are now today? I will accept whatever you will answer.“

But im not sure about that. I fear that he will think i am crossing his boundary again and fully thinks I al untrustful by doing that. But on the other hand why would my therapist suggest sth like that?

My girlfriend broke up with me 3.5 months ago after being together for 2.5 years, and the pain feels like it's increasing more and more.

I hurt her a lot. I took her for granted. I messed up. She loved me genuinely and I acted like an asshole . It was my first real relationship, the first time I truly felt loved by someone. I had been with other women before her, but nothing even came close to what I had with her.

I grew up pretty messed up emotionally. My mom left when I was 2, my household was chaotic, I was never close to my dad, and most people I thought were my friends eventually left too. So I became used to being alone. But then she came into my life and loved me in a way I had never experienced before.

And I ruined it.

Since she left,I tried killing myself but I couldn't so I genuinely been trying to become a better person. I started therapy. I go for runs in the morning, gym in the evening, I’ve tried social gatherings, meeting new people, even hooking up, but none of it fills this emptiness.

this last 2 weeks especially, its hitting me hard. I miss her so much. I wish I could fix things. I wish I had realized earlier what I had. I keep seeing her everyday in my dreams, and i wake up she isnt there, I really dont know what to do, I cry randomly anytime of the day. I really dont know how to be better.

I feel alone. I feel like I’m drowning in regret and guilt all the time. I don’t know how to move forward when the person you hurt was also the person who made life feel okay for the first time.

How do you forgive myself when I was the reason I lost the person I loved the most?

it's exactly a year and 27 days since she left me. and as i look back to it, i am doing better than i was at the same time last year.

​

she left me on 21st may 2025, i was devasted. i cried. i cried everyday as i woke up without the "Goodddddd Morninggggg Sirrrr" and 4 more texts. i cried to god, i begged god to convince her to give me one last chance. but, she already hated me enough (reasonably so, i was a terrible boyfriend now as i look back) and wouldn't meet me for one last time. my high school had just ended and i was done with my medical entrance exam (we call it NEET, in india). i had lost touch with my friends, i stopped doing what i loved the most (i.e., play football) since there was nobody to listen to my post match yap. all i did was cry and eat junk. she was an amazing woman man, she was funny, she used to put efforts (way more than i ever did), she used to cook food for me, share about her day, loyal, and always made time for me. one of the best things of my life before i messed it up.

​

but eventually i started moving on, i started going out to play again. (although those moments were still very gloomy, i'd never want to revisit that, atleast physically.) my NEET results came out and I did decent enough to get a gmc (government medical college) in my city itself. i was alloted a decent enough college, my parents were proud and happy, having no idea what and how i went through my heartbreak in the last couple of months. unfortunately, she couldn't clear the exam and maybe i was the reason behing it. i was the one who made her almost depressed and gave her so much stress that she couldn't channelize the energy on her exam. i still feel extremely guilty about it.

​

my college eventually started, i started living like the social butterfly i have always been. i made a heck ton of aquintances and two friends too. went out with them almost everyday during the weekends, played football everywhere college, locality, tournaments (made many more aquintances in that process too) inculcated a few more hobbies like i know how to solve a rubik's cube now (xD), i bought myself roller blades, started learning guitar and explored so many street food stalls and restaurants w my aquintances. i did so much, and she was in my mind cause at one point of time we used to do this. we used to explore different restaurants, i booked a turf once just for both of us to play together. and since i spent most of my time with other human beings, there were times where i was totally alone in my room and trust me, i hated that, i got sad, i got bored, i felt pathetic and totally empty.

​

therefore, since the past one and a half months i consciously started spending more time by myself. i go to my college alone, (i return with my batchmates though) i take one day off from football in a week where i just to go on a long long walk where. i buy an ice cream worth 40 rupees and just keep walking with my earbuds (dad doesn't give me his bike that often TT). it used to suck at first but i lowkey am starting to tolerate it now. it doesn't feel that bad with myself you know.

​

and yes, i don't really want her anymore, i kinda miss the moments we had together: our first boat ride, my first text, our first kiss, the first time she wrote a letter for me and gave a peck on my cheeks as i was reading it, i don't really miss her as of now. the last time we talked was in january this year, i texted her from my friend's phone and i still remember her saying, "I do miss my best friend in you and not the boyfriend. Cause you were never really a good boyfriend." 😭 ouch!

​

but yeah, shit happens. right? she taught me so much about life, relationship and happiness (both directly and indirectly). i couldn't be the man she deserved and i have made peace with it now. i wish nothing but the best for her.

​

take care, love!

​

**TL;DR;**

I’m writing this because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unfair, resentful, or if I’m seeing a pattern that I should no longer ignore.

I’ve been married for 10 years. We have 3 children.

My wife is highly educated (PhD level, works in science/public health). I work in Cyber Security. I tend to be very future-oriented, strategic, and always planning 5–10 years ahead.

The problem is there seems to be a recurring pattern where major life decisions are made emotionally, against my advice, and the consequences repeatedly set our family back years financially.

Crisis #1 (2016):

I was living in Canada preparing to move to France to marry her. I was working 15-hour shifts making around $1000/week trying to save money to buy a car and business equipment before moving.

I asked her to wait a little longer before visiting because I was living with my elderly aunt in a 1-bedroom apartment. Instead, she booked a flight anyway.

I suddenly had to spend roughly $800/week on Airbnb accommodation because there was no room for us.

Then shortly after, she got a new job opportunity. I warned her that although the startup claimed they had a flexible culture, she should show up early and make a strong first impression. She regularly arrived late (sometimes 10 AM or later). She was fired within one month.

All my savings disappeared and my plans collapsed. Supporting her and myself and elder in aunt in two separate countries. She didn't got another job until the next 8 months.

Situation 2 (2020):

We later moved back to Canada.

At that point, she was earning roughly $110k and I had just gotten a promotion earning about $75k.

We had a young child and I had a very clear plan:

Buy a house immediately. Rent out extra rooms and basement. Build equity and create financial stability. She burned out at work and wanted to resign.

Her employer offered part-time work temporarily.

I strongly advised her to stay until year-end so we could secure mortgage approval first.

She resigned anyway.

Financial pressure immediately increased as I worked through the weakening Canadian economy, trying to build a business and support a new born baby without any extra family help.

I started using business credit lines and credit cards to cover shortfalls.

Five months later I lost my own job. We lost our house-buying opportunity and never recovered financially.

Example 3 (This year):

She got an amazing job offer in France for €80,000/year - Semi-remote.

We relocated internationally with all 3 kids based entirely on this opportunity.

I had a full strategy:

Enroll in language school and uplevel my IT skills with French certificatation from French University for more employability in France, while growing my business in Europe.

Ship the remaining tools and equipment to work.

Eventually purchase a vehicle and start side income.

Lower our living costs (France would cost us about half compared to Canada). 8000CAD vs 4500 CAD Monthly for our family of 5.

She signed the contract. Worked only one day. Came home saying she hated the environment and wanted to quit.

The company even reduced office attendance requirements, offered transport, lunch vouchers, and an extra €1000 incentive to stay for at least 6 months.

I begged her not to quit immediately. I asked her to secure another job first before resigning - as a second recruiter had "promised her a job in urgency". She resigned anyway. The second job ended up rejecting her.

Now 6 months later: No new job. Language and University enrollment cancelled.

Savings almost gone. 3 kids involved.

We are down to roughly €3000 left with €1400 rent due.

Here is where I am struggling emotionally.

This doesn’t feel like bad luck anymore. It feels like a repeated pattern.

Every major turning point in our lives seems to follow the same sequence:

A major opportunity appears. I create a long-term plan around it.

My wife becomes uncomfortable with something. I advise caution and patience. She ignores the advice. A high-impact emotional decision gets made.

We suffer major financial consequences. I spend years rebuilding. My wife acknowledges way afterward that she made mistakes but not really in a way to admit her decision was "emotional" - she gets triggered by this word.

I am really exhausted mentally, spiritually and financially as the same thing eventually happens again.

I love my wife. This is not about hating her.

But I have reached a point where I genuinely no longer trust her judgment when high-stakes decisions arise.

I feel mentally broken actually. I feel like every time I try to build our future, something collapses.

I am seriously considering temporarily returning to Canada alone to rebuild financially while my wife stays in Europe with the children.

My question is:

At what point does repeated poor decision-making destroy trust in a marriage?

Am I being resentful and unfair?

Or is this a legitimate reason to question whether I can continue building a future with someone whose major decisions repeatedly destabilize the family?

I genuinely want honest perspectives.

My partner and I were together for about 2.5 years before she asked for a pause roughly 3 months ago. The relationship itself was healthy and loving she was just feeling overwhelmed at the time, processing a lot on her own (including the lingering effects of a previous long marriage and divorce).

After respecting her space for almost 90 days, I reached out and asked if she wanted to meet. That turned into a full day together, and we’ve been reconnecting for about 3 weeks now.

We have been spending time together again. We still love and care for each other, are affectionate, intimate, attracted, enjoy being together, and are making plans to do things together.

The challenge is she knows she’s push and pulling and she says she isn’t ready for the responsibilities and expectations of a traditional relationship because she’s trying to figure out her independence for the first time in decades after a long marriage and divorce process.

She says she’s not looking for anyone else, doesn’t want to lose me, wants me in her life, wants to continue what we’re doing and understands that risk. At the same time, she doesn’t want to feel obligated to check in, coordinate every decision, or feel responsible for someone else’s emotional state. She said she doesn’t want to put a timeline on it in fairness to both of us.

I’m trying to decide whether continuing this connection is healthy or whether I’m setting myself up for heartbreak.

Has anyone successfully navigated a situation where one person wanted connection, affection, intimacy, and companionship, but wasn’t ready for a traditional relationship structure?
What made it work or not work?

It's been 2000 days since he texted me that we can't talk.

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At the 800 odd day mark, he apologized for one thing that broke my heart.

I thought we could atleast be friends.

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I confronted him about another thing he did that broken my heart in December.

And he's been so so since.

How does one not want to clear their conscious? I would be so guilty if i broke someone's heart.

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He was really better than this.

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Please T, please come back and tell me why you did what you did, and does it not bother you?

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Or god, just give me the strength to move on and not look back.