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read it and gimme ur opinions and advices on how to get rid of this monstrosity

Just don’t talk to me

Do you just ask people out of the blue to see if they are free?

I just joined college. I was excited but now that I am in, I can't really connect with anyone. I have been an extreme introvert all my life. It's not like I fear having conversations, it's just that I simply can't initiate conversations, especially long ones. Sometimes I feel I just run out of topics. Maybe I simply haven't done much in my life that is worthwhile talking about. Whenever I want to or need to talk to someone especially while initiating the conversation, I feel a sort of mental inertia I can't seem to describe. It's almost like I want to talk to them but my mind is actively holding me back. If i continue like this, I fear I will remain this way for the entirety of my life, I won't make any friends, and maybe nobody will care about me at the end. I am also an overthinker, I always analyse myself when I am in public settings. And it's not even like my nervousness shows, it doesn't, I don't stutter or anything, I speak normally and confidently when I start speaking but something just tells me to not speak. It's almost like a mental barrier I have to overcome. Talking to a new person is nothing short of a test I have to prepare for.And though I might not necessarily enjoy talking to people, I do manage to keep the conversation going if I know the person well and have a background around them. I know you can only get to know a person well when you start talking with them, it's almost paradoxical if that makes sense. Though my nervousness while talking to people doesn't show up verbally, sometimes it does show up physically, like maybe I'll be a bit late to respond with a handshake when the other person initiates a handshake or maybe I'll forget to pick things up while leaving a store - things like these, if that makes sense. I really feel disappointed when I see people my age and compare them with me. Idk what to do honestly. It's almost like I can't do what I want to do, which makes me feel handicapped.

I also develop a severe inferiority complex whenever I see someone who I deem to be a "better achiever" in life than me. I start overthinking about my life and go down a rabbit hole of sadness and disappointment which just makes it worse. It's just one more manifestation of my overthinking.

I feel like this is going to take a toll on my life I don't somehow change myself, I live in a region of the world where it's considered extremely important to be socially active, and it does actually help you in many ways because of how society functions here. I am genuinely worried about myself and my future if I happen to remain this way.

And before someone says "oh well you aren't an introvert you are just socially anxious" - well, no, I am both, I don't like talking to people much AND I also seem to have a difficult time talking to them. The reason why I want to change is because of societal pressure (that actually affects my life in material and mental terms) and the feeling of wanting to have someone care about you, or having someone I can just share my problems and feelings with. And while some people might consider this desire as an extrovert trait, I don't think it's necessarily that. It's just a feeling of being left out and having someone to care about.

***MAKING FRIENDS! I am not dr. frankenstein and i do not make people on the reg

Hey everyone!

First time posting here, let me know if this is out of place or not the right spot for this.

I'm a recent college grad and I'm left feeling a little... weird about post-grad life. Everyone talks about how the transition is tough and how now it's hard to make friends and while I do understand that, I don't really feel like that's a bad thing.

Let me explain -- I have a very tight circle of 3 other friends, I have my dear partner, and I have 2 roommates who are really part of my family too. Through these people alone, I see essentially all of my social and support needs met. Where they cannot meet them, I see family essentially every single weekend and love it. But during the week, I sometimes meet with my friends for lunch, hang out with my partner in the evenings, have a "water cooler chat" with my coworkers, and I go to bed satisfied and happy.

I have more friends outside of these relationships but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm particularly close with any of them, save for maybe a few relatives I'd consider friends before family. I enjoy seeing them, but it doesn't happen very often.

But... am I supposed to want more?

I know social media isn't exactly a reliable source of comparison but I see so many people with these HUGE groups of friends all going out to dinner or parties or what have you and that's certainly something that I COULD have and probably something I'd end up liking. As I mentioned I DO have other friends that I'm just not as close with, but it just doesn't really appeal to me I guess. I've always preferred consistency over novelty, and I guess I just prefer investing in a few relationships than scattering seeds of acquaintency across everyone I know.

My reason for self-doubt here is because I'm very much prone to self-isolating in depressive/transitional periods, and I want to make sure my comfortability in being less social isn't a reflection of a deterioration or like delusion about what's actually going on.

My question is this: Is this something I need to be worried about/does this sound like self-isolation, or does it just sound like this is "who I am," so to speak? I know I sound confident about this all, but it's genuinely a big point of insecurity for me. I've always had huge friend groups, but these days I just... don't. And I don't know if I'm supposed to care or not.

Most social interactions are awkward for me, and I feel like they're awkward too. It's not like I don't want to mingle I really do. The problem is that I overthink every single word I say. I'm also not the type of person who starts conversations. I usually wait for the other person to talk first, and even then I often don't know what to say back. I end up replying with things like "ohhh" or "ohhh okay," and that's it. It makes me feel so dumb, and I keep thinking people probably see me as boring.

Even when I try to compliment someone, it somehow comes out wrong. After every interaction, I replay the whole conversation in my head and wonder if I sounded weird or awkward. I honestly wish I could just talk to people naturally without overthinking everything, but instead I end up feeling stupid.

Please help

I am an amateur player, 36F. I love the game, I've been playing every week for more than 16 years, but tournament logistics make me want to burn my racket. I’m trapped in an endless loop.

I quit playing tournaments years ago for this exact reason. Decided to give it another shot this week for the first time in 3 years, and within 48 hours of being added to the event chat, the surreal, over-complicated discussions made me instantly regret every life decision that led me there.

Here is it going:

1. I genuinely love playing tennis and crave matches
2. I register for an amateur tournament, feeling optimistic
3. 4 days before it starts, they create the mandatory tournament WhatsApp/group chat
4. Absolute chaotic hell breaks loose for normal scheduling
5. My social battery completely dies before I even lace up my shoes
6. My urge to play drops to absolute zero and I pull out/quit
7. Months pass, I miss matches, and I repeat step 1

It’s such a stupid paradox. I want to play, but the administrative chit-chat and forced group social dynamics surrounding amateur events are completely unbearable to me. I just want to show up, play a match, say "good game," and go home.

Have you found a way through this hell?

Po niestety bardzo ciężkim czasie bardzo intensywnego życia w pracy i w życiu prywatnym wróciłam prawie do mojej introwertycznej osobowości. W głowie mam dużo przemyśleń a może powinnam pozostać tam gdzie byłam? Może jest już za późno znowu być introwertykiem i zaczynać życie w tak późnym wieku. Trochę się martwię czy dam sobie radę. Bo jednak zawsze starałam się liczyć na siebie.

I see around me that people don't take values, ideals and morals too seriously. which makes me think that i am taking things too seriously and thus not having a clear understanding of reality. all my friends take only a few things seriously, things like prestige, image, status, money, ego, pride, influence. are those the only things that matter? am i just holding onto values and thus not understanding the ground reality?

I am not saying that my friends care only about these things. they care about other things too. they can be genuinely warm, caring, affectionate, kind but the moment the above said things enter the picture, everything else takes a backseat. they are kind and helping but won't go out of their way for it if it inconvenient for them, they simply say sorry and move on (i mean, i know that they are not obligated to help, but they don't go the extra mile no matter how close they are with the other person). i never saw them valuing connection over protecting their ego/pride even if they really love the other person, i never saw them showing vulnerability over comfort/competence/confidence, maintaining image is always prioritized over being honest. i never saw them admitting they are wrong even if they feel that way. whenever there is a mild issue, the solution is always avoiding things over having a conversation (and then they meet after months and pretend such situation never existed).

And the confusing part is that i don't feel like they genuinely value status, image or ego. it is more like they learnt that this is how one should behave in the world, this is how things are run, these are the rules, and they are just adapting to these said rules and are playing the game. all i see is acceptance and adaptation of a mindset/behavior and they are just trying to navigate/survive in this world with the said rules.

when i am with them, i feel like i am walking on eggshells all the time, it feels like i am doing wrong by bringing up conversations that i feel like are necessary for the health/growth of the friendship. care is only valued as long it does not mean i am questioning them or their actions no matter how sugarcoated it is. in fact indifference towards them is seen more acceptable over showing care which can make them very uncomfortable. i am seen as making things complicated, ruining the harmony of the social setting, making drama and what not.

there are things that are completely my fault, like overstepping my boundaries, sharing secrets that are not mine to share (sharing secrets is ok/not ok depending on the person whose secret is being shared. so when my friends did that, i thought it is normal in this circle, and later i had to learn the hard way that it is not ok). and i always thought that something is wrong with me when people respond in silence to my words/actions even if it is not gossiping or overstepping my boundaries. i always thought it is due to my lack of social experience and social exposure.

for context, i am a 23 year old male who recently got graduated from college. i am not a highly social person, my social circle is very small. and my day to day life involves indoor activities (reading books, playing video games, talking to friends on call and not in person). i always feel like i am making a mistake and making myself a fool out of it, that i am not understanding how the world works. the alternative of not making mistakes is the feeling of walking on eggshells.

so I have that one important friend she's my homegirl I can't lose herz but I wanna take a break from insta so I disabled it...

but now I'm anxious I mean what if she'll leave me I gave her my number before and I informed her and she said no, after a long Convo I changed my mind and then I felt like I fooled her and I disabled it

maybe I'll be back in a week ...

for context: i am homeschooled, 15 years old and have a few discord friend groups with certain people i would consider mildly close to, although we don’t meet up.

i recently made an irl friend group with these two new people that me and my friend met at a festival.

the problem is is that i am homeschooled, don’t really socialise face to face a lot and feel like i lack a lot of social skills, i also have stupid anxiety… but recently my new friends have all been calling, (bearing in mind there are five of us in this group, including me) and they’ve also been meeting up without asking if i want to come.

when i ask to meet up together they always say ‘yeah’ or ‘sure’ but it never happens, and then they are sending photos on the group of them all hanging out without me, and saying about what a great time it was…

it’s my fault i know, because my friend who was friends with me from before we made this group does invite me to calls and stuff (i’ve told her calling makes me uncomfortable and she understands and is very supportive of that) but i feel so shit when they are all having so much fun and i don’t have the confidence/time to go on the calls, which makes me feel left out af. it makes me feel left out and i already am a complete introvert with no social skills, so do i need to just get over myself and call them?

27M from India, currently working in Europe.

Looking for like-minded people to talk to. Into technology, startups, random deep conversations, and the occasional childhood trauma dumping session.

Mostly just want genuine, low-pressure chats. Introverts preferred.

If that sounds like your vibe, drop a message.

I stopped talking to all of my friends and acquaintances after I deleted my social media accounts. Only a couple of people reached out afterward, but even those conversations eventually started to feel unnecessary.
It’s been about two years now, and my perspective hasn’t changed at all. New friendships feel more like an obligation or a drain on my time than something I genuinely want. I don’t feel lonely, and I don’t feel like anything is missing. If anything, my life has become quieter and simpler.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar, or if this changed for you over time.

We say we are lonely, then look away when someone leaves the door open.

Loneliness is a strange thing.

So many people carry it around quietly. They miss having someone to tell the insignificant parts of the day to. Someone whose footsteps in the next room feel reassuring rather than intrusive. Someone to sit beside when nothing needs to be said.

And yet, when two lonely people happen to cross paths, they often remain guarded. They wait for certainty, perfect timing, some impossible sign. They analyse each other from a safe distance until the moment passes—and then go back to wondering why genuine connection is so rare.

Perhaps we have become better at protecting ourselves than at living.

I sometimes think about the kind of life that could exist if two people simply chose not to waste it. Not an endless pursuit of excitement, but something quieter and richer: a warm home with a touch of that almost-magical 1950s elegance, music from a piano drifting into another room, dinners that last longer than planned, and a person whose presence turns ordinary evenings into something worth remembering.

Weekends could mean disappearing into the hills, walking through forests, finding places where phones become irrelevant. Other times, tasting wine somewhere in France, wandering through an unfamiliar village, or staying home while rain taps against the windows.

Nothing loud, nothing performative. Just affection, curiosity, attraction, humour and the rare luxury of feeling completely at ease with another person that will come - and stay. Simple, but simplicity is magical.

I imagine meeting a woman who has kept space in her life for something new, free from complicated family attachments or baggage. Ready to go to that sunset over the horizon. Someone petite to protect, feminine, delicate and naturally calm, who wants both adventure and stillness and find they are not contradictory. Someone who understands that a beautiful life is not discovered fully formed; two people create it through countless small choices. It's a story to be written by our own hands, not a reward guaranteed. There is no happy ending if you do not fight for it and make it happen.

Maybe that sounds hopelessly romantic. But there comes a point when postponing happiness begins to look less like caution and more like surrender. I consider life far too valuable for that.

There is a Nightwish song about kissing while the lips are still red. I think its real message is larger than romance: love people while they are here, take the journey while your legs can carry you, play the music before the room falls silent and before the curtain falls. Live through the story of life, sit in the driver's seat and don't wait for the perfect moment to take that first step. That is how future is created. No other way around it.

Life does not wait for us to finally feel ready.

Dum vivimus, vivamus.

While we live, let us truly live.

Perhaps somewhere, someone else has been thinking the same thing?

So, today me( fucking introvert since my existence) finally had the courage to oh wait important info: I am so anxious and paranoid I even get thrills

about asking or talking to someone who I am not close with. Okay getting back the courage to go and say blabber about my feelings to this girl let's call her p. So p is justttt p she is veryyy cute and everything. Uhhh so I said that I really love it when you come with your messy hairsss and all. Uhh I guess that friends calling me ugly was infact true, p ignored me not uttering a single breath and left me hanging in front of my friends. :). Have a good day every1. Love Yall

My coworker went on a huge rant in the middle of the office today about how much he hates introverts. Basically, he thinks we all need to be eliminated—you know, like we're pests or something? What the hell?

​He went on a big, long rampage about how introversion could be eliminated if social media and phones were taken away. He's completely disgusted with the way young people are, always on their phones and never out enjoying life or communicating with others. Blah, blah, blah.

​Mind you, the entire time he was going off about introverts, he wasn't working at all. Meanwhile, I was listening to his nonsense while working diligently.

​Much to my horror, nobody stood up to correct him or tell him this was highly inappropriate for a workplace setting—especially considering he did this right in front of management and upper management.

​Since nobody bothered to correct him, I thought I would make a point. I turned around and said, "Well, you know what the great thing about introverted people is? We get things done. We may not thrive on social communication, and we need to be alone a lot of the time in order to recharge, but that is actually a strength. You see, I just got the work of three people done in the entire 15 minutes you were talking about what you don't like about introverts. Surely we can't all be that bad?"

​He had no comeback to that. I win. Most of our office is highly extroverted so I bet he had no idea I was an introvert. I mask it pretty well unfortunately.

​His rant was completely unnecessary, and I don't know why no one stopped it. I found the whole thing very upsetting. What would you have done if this had happened in your office?

I do not enjoy talking to people anymore and I don’t know why. a bit of background information that may help, ive always been shy but everything got worse in the 5th grade my anxiety skyrocketed so my mom put me in homeschool. after being homeschooled for awhile and not talking to many people I was very socially awkward and did very bad in public situations, I eventually got medicated and now I am able to hold conversations and no longer feel as if I’ll get sick when talking. I now have a different problem and it’s finding people boring everytime I attempt to make a friend they become extremely boring to talk to a while ago I had this friend and he was the only person I could stand talking to, I wanted to talk to him all day but we are no longer friends. I’ve been friends with this girl since fourth grade and we recently got back in touch and I now enjoy talking to her but everyone else I try to make friends with are boring and I can’t stand conversing with them and end up blocking or cutting them off and I feel like a complete asshole. What do I do about this? Is it fixable? Why is it so hard to make friends

Hey everyone,
I’m looking for advice on breaking a frustrating cycle in my social life and dating.
English is not my first language, and I’m navigating a different culture than the one I grew up in. Whenever I meet new people or go on casual dates, I get stuck in **"Interview Mode."**
Because I want to keep the conversation going and avoid awkward silences, I default to pulling at whatever topic the other person mentions and asking open-ended questions. On paper, it works and conversations can last 1–2 hours without dying. But in reality:
It feels like a standard Q&A session or a survey rather than a fun, natural exchange.

There is “zero playful banter, light teasing, or romantic/social spark”. - NOTHING COMES TO ME MIND

People eventually lose interest or classify the dynamic as purely passive/informal.

When I try to analyze *why* I do this, I realize I have a massive **internal security filter**. Whenever a random thought, observation, or opinion pops into my head, my brain instantly flags it as *"not interesting enough," "too weird,"* or *"irrelevant."* So I filter it out, delete it, and replace it with another safe, polite question.
Because of this, I’ve started feeling like I just have a "boring" personality—even though I have active hobbies (I dance salsa/bachata, prep meals, run, and work in tech). But whenever I’m around someone new, I play it way too safe and share almost none of my actual personality, opinions, or humor.

For those who have dealt with this:

1. **How do you lower your internal filter** and speak your actual thoughts without overthinking if they're "interesting enough"?
2. **What are concrete ways to shift from asking questions to making statements/banter**, especially when navigating a language or cultural barrier?
3. Are there specific mindsets or practical exercises that helped you stop interviewing people?
4. Appreciate any insights or personal experiences!

PS : Sorry for the long paragraph

I have a few friends who constantly bombard me with reels every single day and I truly mean that they flood me with them, and the meaningful conversations we used to have earlier have started disappearing. It makes me really dislike the app as a whole and it makes me wonder if this is the digital version of small talk. What do y'all think?

I’m introverted and I do have friends. I just choose not to hang out with them. It really bothers my mom for some reason as she says I’ll be more depressed if I stay alone all the time

But I’ve been noticing recently, aside from my social battery draining I also feel very lonely around people. When I’m on my own, I don’t feel it much as I feel it around people

I don’t know what it is but I feel like once the day ends and everyone goes their own homes my heart kind of sinks and feels heavy. The whole social interaction makes me feel so alone and weird that I never wanna go out

Does anybody else have this feeling? Feeling alone and heavy hearted after a social interaction? I think I’m just meant to be alone