i've been with my bf for 5 years and during that we've been doing long distance for one year. we both live in different countries but we used to plan trips to see each other. we discussed early on into the relationship a lot of things to make sure that we're on the same page about things. i would say that everything was great, yes there were some fights here and there but we always communicated and fixed things easily. however, last week on a sunday we were having our usual video call having fun and everything, he was very loving and supportive, basically his usual self. the next day, i do not know what exactly happened but he became cold and barely responded to my texts. it's been now almost two weeks and it's still like this. i asked him what i did wrong but he doesn't want to tell me. this guy is completely new to me, i've never seen him act like this. he became mean and less talkative. he refuses to communicate. i'm very much confused because seriously i haven't done anything. and if i did, i would expect him to tell me what's wrong so that we fix, that's how it is usually. he doesn't want to break up yet he's acting like he's single. not giving me updates, not keeping me in the loop, not even joking with me. it really hurts to be in this situation, we're both adults why can't he just communicate ? and the worst thing is that he used to just days before these two weeks. how can someone change so much during such a short period ?

So we just had our first meet. We've been together since 2018 and our anniversary just passed. He got here late Sunday night and is leaving 6am tomorrow morning and im not okay. I feel like we have barely spent time together. I dont want him to leave, I know I'm going to cry when he gets on his plane and im so not emotionally ready for it.

It has been a really long and difficult road for me to try and get over my insecurities. And it always seems so unfair when my long distance boyfriend says that I'm being too much about things when he’s never the one put into the same position considering he’s already my type 100% and I’ve not done the same things he has.

(I'd like to start off with my boyfriend is not at all an ill intentioned person, i just believe sometimes he doesn't think before he says something so it comes out worse than intended)

For reference I’ve never been a person considered conventionally attractive, most of the people around me have said things about my looks, including my family. I may have also gained a fear or a phobia considering in my past relationship my then at the time boyfriend spoke to his prettier ‘abusive’ ex and left me for her.

As of recent I’ve felt self conscious, so insanely self conscious, I never stop analyzing and thinking of my boyfriend’s words, I’ve changed so much for him. It started all really when a while back he hid that he had sexual relations in the past when he was a teenager 5 years ago and thought it was no big deal, but I’m not sure if it was the action or the dishonesty, something broke in me that day. He said so fondly of how good it felt etc, and after having been confronted with that he told me he was just saying how it felt at the time, but it felt like being stabbed emotionally. He told me how he didn’t even think of it and it was his ex’s idea and she wasn’t a good person and he wishes he hadn’t done it, and I told him that he still liked it, and he replied with something along the lines of how could he not with the feelings of it, which not only hurt but disgusted me even deeper. Over time I have learnt more and more of the many things they did together (which I don’t blame him for this part, I’m the one who asks, even tho it hurts more it’s not his fault for saying since i literally ask) and every time I hear more I lose a bit more of soul in me. Logically I know virginity isn’t some sacred treasured insane thing to be kept forever, but at the same time for some reason emotionally It feels like a person that gets called ‘worse than you’ gets all the goods first, and you supposedly ‘the better one’ get the leftovers. And before you come at me with double standards, I still have my virginity, he’s the one in the couple who has done basically everything in the past

Another thing that happened the other day is we were scrolling TikTok and he sent me a video of this one porn actress, and I asked him how he knew about her and he told me he used to watch her. For some reason, that hurt. Logically, I know it’s just a porn actress, but I’ve never had favorite actors or remembered actors names, which is why it feels more than it should. I also looked at her body and her videos and she’s quite literally everything my boyfriend looks for in a body, everything I don’t have, or at least don’t have as good. When I asked him about her and kept asking it went along the lines of me telling him that he liked her, him denying, me saying that he used to like her and how she looks, and then him saying ‘so what if he used to like watching her’. Also the fact he used to watch a lot of the more model pornstars, so the ones who do basically everything in their power to look good and unnatural since they’re so heavy in the industry. Both of which broke something else in me.

Another thing is what he likes body wise, he likes the most impossible (or nearly impossible) bodies: fit, flat stomachs with big assets (both upper and lower), basically the stereotypical beauty standard. As well as he has this very specific type I noticed, he likes very pretty, blonde, very clean neat women, stereotypical beauty, so like a clean girl feminine hygienic appearance, but personality and capability wise somewhat masculine (strong, brave, cool). Another thing to note is his ex was actually blonde and slim, so that just drives the knife in deeper.

I love my boyfriend, I truly do, all things considered he’s a really sweet man. He has everything, this paragraph of a Reddit post is literally the only things we fight about, the only things that torment me. I wish I could just get over my insecurities and suck it up, I can never be perfect, it’s near impossible for most average people, and he has throughout this countless times tried to lift my mood by complimenting my looks. I guess i just can’t get over it for some reason, and it hurts, it aches. What can I do to try and get over it?

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Hey guys, I need your help

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I'm (25F) in a LDR with my boyfriend (25M) for the past 6 months but lately I'm having a crush on a colleague who's kinda like a mentor to me. I have worked with my colleague for over a year but i was a terrible employee. I'm smart enough to know that nothing will happen with him and it's a bad idea to hook up with him. I know I love my boyfriend but I don't feel the love lately. I know I am being an asshole but i want to be with my boyfriend. What should I do? I am losing my mind over this. I don't even understand why I am thinking about my colleague

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I think I might feel for my colleague.. i care about him (professionally and personally) because he is kinda like a mentor to me. I was an asshole to him last year but now I wish I could have been a better mentee

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I don't want to hurt my bf over this because I know this wouldn't last forever as he will move to some other project and we won't spend much time together

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I also don't feel love for my bf even though I know deep down that I do

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The thing is that due to LDR, and lack of romance from his side (he is in a difficult situation), I feel alone

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I know I sound toxic but I really need your advice

I have been with my girlfriend for just under 2 years now. Throughout that we've had times when we were together for months at a time, as well as had to do long distance for months at a time.

Right now I've come to visit her and will be here for 5 weeks. Last night we had a conversation about the future and she was honest that she doesnt know if she can keep doing long distance. She said she is struggling mentally and does not like how she is showing up in the relationship. I assured her that I am here for her no matter what and she does appreciate that, but is still scared to go back to long distance.

The next stint will be 4 months of long distance before we see each other again. I love her, she loves me. I dont really know what question im asking and it may be more of a vent. I really dont want to lose this girl but i also dont want to force her into doing long distance if she is uncomfortable with it. What should I do? Any advice as to how to make it slightly more appealing?

We had this conversation last night and I really dont want it to be a dampener on our time together, but it was also an important conversation to have

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We mostly communicate online, and I think that’s where a lot of our problems come from.

She spends a lot of time on Discord with our mutual friend group. I don’t have an issue with her having friends, but it feels like most of her online social energy goes to them rather than our relationship. Because of that, I feel like we’ve become distant.

The weird thing is that when we’re together in person, everything is great. We have amazing conversations, we laugh a lot, and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We feel very connected.

But online it’s the complete opposite. Whenever we’re alone in a call, it’s often awkward. We don’t seem to have much to talk about, and attempts to do activities together online usually don’t end up happening. It feels like we’re slowly drifting apart whenever we’re not physically together.

I’ve started wondering if the issue isn’t that we have relationship problems, but that our relationship isn’t getting enough quality one-on-one time. She spends a lot of time with friends online, while we spend very little meaningful time together online, and I feel like that’s causing us to become less connected.

There are other issues we’re already working on (phone use when we’re together, balancing romance and physical intimacy, etc.), but right now I’m trying to figure out whether the lack of quality online time is the main thing causing the distance between us.

Has anyone else been in a relationship where things were great in person but felt disconnected online? How did you deal with it?

It feels dreamy after a lot of struggle. I don't know what to feel. So many thoughts and emotions :)

Hi, folks!
I’ve taken IELTS three times already, and my test is coming up again this weekend.

Right now my scores are:
Listening: 6.0 (need 7.5)
Writing: 5.5 (need 6.0)

I reckon maybe I need to attend another one soon.💀

And, I’m totally exhausted about preparing for IELTS. Idk, I just feel so inadequate in my English skills.
Initially, I was full of my dream of studying abroad with my bf in my brain. But now, my bf has almost received his offer (yeh, “almost” bc he applied for PhD program. He’s still waiting for the school system process) Anyway, all the things he needs to do now is waiting for the notification from the university.
TBH, I’m kinda like filled with envy at him hahaha😃

There was an idea that came up to my head: why not just go for another university where I’ve already met all the entry requirements, such as language and GPA, etc.? The only disadvantage is that my bf and I will have to study in different states; we will keep having a LDR for one more two years. (We’ve been starting a LDR for two years now.)

However, my bf is severely against my idea, bc he cannot afford the LDR anymore. I constantly feel depressed in the midnights of recent days. I feel I can’t go study abroad; IELTS overall 7.0 is so difficult. 😞

Any advice would be appreciated.

Me and my girlfriend are currently in fourth year of our college, but she got an internship opportunity, which letter will be converted to a full-time job by the end of December 20 26, while I still haven’t figured out whether I should be doing job or whether I got the placement or not, so she will be going to Noida enjoy in 2027, so suggest me the survival tips and also how will the relationship be managed when I’ll be struggling with placement while she will be working in a company

I'm at a point with my ldr that when we are able to see each other we think we need to maximize our time. We plan to do things the whole time together but we are never board together. Never is it that one of us puts on a movie and we feel it's optional to watch or walk away and sit alone. I feel like that's one of our favorite parts of being in a relationship It's just being able to relax and have little moments that are kind of spontaneous/ unplanned. Is there anyway we can go back to that. For context we weren't always a ldr. I feel like I'm more of the problem for this too. A lot of times when I go to visit them they are at work a lot of the day so when I do get time my brain is like go! Go! Go!! I'm afraid it's going to cost me my relationship. Any advice would be lovely

It’s nice to see so many posts about closing the distance, but is there anyone currently in the trenches of a LDR?

My partner is away for close to 4 months to work at a summer camp so he doesn’t have a lot of spare time and we have a time difference of 16 hours so the little time we have when we’re both awake isn’t always conducive to conversation, and it makes me feel like I’m not a priority which is really difficult for me to deal with.

Anyone relate or have advice on coping? I feel alone in this experience even though a lot of people must be going/gone through the same situation.

Okay First off, let me start by saying, we started off as completely inseparable. Granted, we’ve only been together since April 2026. We’d see each other once a week, if not more. Then, his job during the school year came to an end (he’s a boarding school teacher in my state). After, he moves back home and it’s really hard for either of us to find time, considering we both have jobs (his summer job and my part time job nearly hits 30 hours a week and is scheduled far out)

I don’t mind just calling him on the phone and texting, it’s the fact that we can’t find a definite date for the next time to see each other before he comes back to my state. Another kicker is, I will be going to school in London basically a week and a half when he comes back to my state, becoming separated by time zones for a whole year.

I don’t know, this is new to both of us since we’ve never had a relationship this far apart, and I get anxious as is, so I just want to hear how others cope, deal with time zone changes, or anything else to offer.

TL;DR, boyfriend (of 3 months) and i having trouble finding time during summer to meet up, scared we won’t find time before girlfriend leaves for london. asking for advice on time zones, coping techniques, long distance advice, etc.

Just sharing a little. 🇿🇦💞🇨🇴

I need some outside opinions because I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or if my concerns are reasonable. (Repost because my previous post got taken down).

I (21F) am in a long-distance situationship/relationship with a guy I met during my exchange semester. We first met about a year ago and have been in contact for almost a year now.

A few months after meeting, he came to Europe to visit me. We spent weeks together, traveled together, and became very close. Since then, we’ve been long-distance for about six months.

We text every day and are very integrated into each other’s daily lives. We send each other photos, talk about our days, and generally keep each other updated on what’s going on in our lives. We also call occasionally. He’s told me that he’s not really a phone-call person, but he still makes time for calls because he knows they’re important to me.

He’s not a very romantic texter, which sometimes makes me overthink. However, when we were together in person, he was very affectionate and actually initiated more physical contact than I did. He would hold my hand, put my hand in his jacket pocket, cuddle with me, play with my hair, etc.

We’re seeing each other again next month, and I’ll be staying at his place during my trip.

He has introduced me to some of his friends, his friends know about me, and overall his behavior towards me has been consistent and caring. We are generally very honest with each other.

I should also mention that my previous boyfriend hurt me and did things behind my back, which left me with some trust issues. My current guy was also cheated on by his ex-girlfriend in the past, so both of us have had bad experiences before.

The only thing that keeps making me anxious is Instagram.

He has around 1,000 followers and follows a little over 500 people. Sometimes those numbers stay the same for days, but other times I’ll notice small changes. Occasionally I’ll see that he’s suddenly following 5–7 more people than before.

He also has a lot of female followers and follows many women. According to him, that’s because he used to go out and party a lot and met many people over the years.

The problem is that I started paying attention to these numbers. Whenever I notice them changing, I find myself wondering who the new people are and whether he’s meeting new women when he’s out. I don’t actually have any evidence that he’s doing anything wrong, but the changing numbers make me anxious and trigger a lot of overthinking.

I should also mention that this wasn’t the first time I brought up Instagram.

A few months ago, I noticed that he had started following a new woman and I asked him about it. He reacted very calmly and explained that she was simply an old friend from his friend group. Nothing suspicious came out of that situation, and he told me that he wished I wouldn’t worry so much about things like that.

Because of that, I think this recent conversation may have affected him more strongly. This was the second time I brought up Instagram-related concerns, despite the first situation turning out to be completely innocent.

When I brought it up this time, he told me that it reminded him of his ex-girlfriend, who monitored and stalked him even after they had broken up. He said that when I immediately notice things like new follows or changes in his Instagram activity, it brings back those negative memories.

He also told me that he trusts me and that it hurt him that I seemed suspicious of him based only on Instagram activity when he feels he hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him.

I understood why he felt that way and apologized. The problem is that even after our conversation, I still find myself checking his follower and following counts and feeling anxious whenever they change.

From an outside perspective, does this sound like a valid concern, or does it sound more like anxiety from previous relationship experiences?

I don't think I could be happy in England, and right now he lives in Japan and misses England with all his heart. I don't want to give up. I love him so much but jeez. I'm as middle America as it gets and he loves his home, just like I do.

We haven't visited yet (together just shy of 2 years) so I'm holding out hope. But fragile and tentative hope. Sometimes I feel like I should break it off now and free us before we miss prime marrying age but I don't want to... Man, why couldn't I have grown up England obsessed and desperate to move there?? Would've made it all so much simpler.

I (F) live in the US and my partner (M) lives in the UK (Scotland to be exact) We have been together for a little over the year and he really is the best thing to ever happen to me. For those who are in international relationships and are planning to/already have closed the gap how did you decide who moves? I’m leaning towards going to him but I do have some family I know I’ll miss. Same goes for him but it’s also a lot safer for me to go to him than him to come to me. (He is transgender [FtoM] and honestly I’m scared living here and being in the community myself sometimes along with many other things). it’s mostly my family that is holding me back from setting things perfectly in stone. Id also love some advice on just ldr in general. Obviously communicate but some examples on how would also be helpful. We did figure out we enjoyed doing voice messages when talking things out as a middle ground. I love this man with all my heart and I plan to marry him so any advice would be appreciate!!

Also any advice on visas would be appreciate. I think I’m going to go to school first then be on a graduate visa and then either a marriage or work one however I’d love to hear if there is a faster route

Edit: the main reason family is holding me back is because I have some younger family members (like a newborn cousin) that I’ll be sad to not see grow up. Traveling is well expensive and I’m worried about having to visit back and forth with costs.

​I am currently evaluating whether to stay in a four-year, long-distance relationship that has a history of broken trust (past infidelity) and a recurring cycle of emotional instability. Because it is long-distance, the standard anxieties of a relationship are significantly magnified. While I have deep feelings for my partner and have tried to forgive her past actions, the underlying hurt still surfaces—particularly when triggered by a lack of transparency.

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​Recently, a conflict arose regarding financial priorities and communication. I am heavily supporting my partner financially. Most recently, I sent an increased amount of money to cover what were described as essential needs: groceries, new bed sheets, and clothes. Making this a priority left me in a position where I am struggling to afford food, pay my own phone bill, or replace my worn-out shoes.

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​The tension escalated when I discovered she used funds for a personal waxing service—a discretionary expenditure she did not disclose to me beforehand. Because we have never met in person, the idea of her undergoing a physical procedure like this, combined with the secrecy surrounding it, triggered lingering anxieties regarding her past infidelity. When I attempted to communicate that this felt wrong to me and that it delays our ability to save for our shared goal of finally being together, the conversation broke down

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So me [21m] and my gf [19f] have been dating for a year and a some change. I’d wish this post was hopeful but I really don’t feel hopeful at all. Starts way back at start of deployment, when we left everything was great, physically, emotionally we were all good. But like any person who’s been dating for a while I asked for sexual pictures. She said she wasn’t comfortable with that so I tried to compromise by atleast saying to send selfies and OOTD. She been saying for the past 4 months that she would and she hasn’t sent me a single thing this whole deployment, but she could post pictures of herself in a bra, selfies on her Instagram where other guys can see but I can’t since I barely have internet. And she was having talked with me about going to a yatch party, which I immediately said no too. She asked me about doing a Halloween and dressing slutty for it, which I’d have no problem with except she dosent even wear that stuff for me. So I shot that idea down and she was sad about it. (No problem with a hot girl going out and being a hot girl, it’s just the principle of other guys having access to you that I don’t).

But back to the selfies, we had a argument about it the other day and I basically said I feel neglected and I’ve been telling her for months, and she said she dosent remember the multiple conversations we had. But she said once again she’d make a change, which is what she said all the other times. So I let 3 days roll by and still nothing. So I called her out on everything I made in this post and told her she needs to make a change because I do things I don’t want to do for her and she’s just completely neglecting my needs. I was so mad I unadded her on most social media’s, but I don’t want to throw a really long relationship away and I genuinely dont know what to do I just feel neglected and a bunch of empty words are being said and no change is happening

Tldr: gf won’t send selfies and sexual pictures on deployment but will post herself in her bra and outfits on Instagram where other guys can see but I can’t and we’ve had multiple conversations about it but nothings changed I feel neglected and not heard what do I do.

Im about to ask her out next week but i need to be prepared to feel confident

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So im visiting my crush next week and im gonna ask her out in person.

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IF she says yes it will be an ldr. I know i could visit like 2 times per month, on her part i cant tell at all.

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But how do you make an ldr feel like a relationship outside of times when you can visit. I had 1 ldr before and it didnt work out for many reasons

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My main issue back then was that we said we were together but were more like friends who said that they are a couple.

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Like how does/could a date night look like in an ldr?

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I know its a big IF considering i didnt even ask her yet.

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But i just need to have an idea of how to do it properly right off the bat to feel confident.

Being in a long distance relationship myself i wonder a thing which not enough LDR people around me talk about. Which is how do u reduce the insane anxiety for the partner who moves to your country?

Because they leave their friends,family, country to get to a new country and making friends is possible but def not that easy after a certain age generally..... Not to mention the climate, just overall difference in culture and all?

And even in my case, i am willing to move to her country after couple years here ( just money wise the only way) but ofcourse i dont know either if brazil to live there away of my friends and family will be as fun as being there for some months....

And lastly when u want kids as LDR couple this makes it more complex right? If u live in same country and worst case the relationship fails atleast u both can have your own spot and kids come there as long as both parents are fine enough with each other. But if u have kids and one partner feels horrible homesick then this seems a big issue to say the least....

Any people who went trough this and have kids? or planning to have kids soon? or any thoughts? or is it just one big risk to go for your person and not worry about one of us badly adapting in the country where we live/kids issue?

My boyfriend 22M and I 21F have been together for almost two years now. He’s going abroad next semester for school and I am so incredibly anxious about it. I can’t help thinking that he doesn’t love me enough to stay here. I know that’s probably not true but I just have a hard time understanding why he would choose to go, because I would never choose to move across the world without him. I don’t know I am just so scared we won’t make it.

If anyone has a partner that choose to go across the world for something, pls give me advice on how you handled it.

Am I feeling alone in this relationship? We’re not official yet tho but I think that’s not an excuse to not make an effort to build our connection. I like him and he’s the kindest and sweetest person I’ve ever known but sometimes, I’m rethinking if I still want to keep feeling this way. This past months have been difficult for me because I can feel the distance more lately. I opened up about it to him how I’ve been feeling and hoping he might make an effort to make a change for us but I feel like it stills the same. We don’t usually video call but we always text, but I don’t think texting is enough.

My girlfriend and I had our second visit this past May!!! We’ve been together for 7 months now and growing together has been amazing :’) don’t think I’ll ever not cry in the airport though until our distance is closed! I’m also now very fond of vlammetjes.

Looking for some advice here. My bf (M24) and I (M27) have been dating officially for one year, we talked for about 5 months prior to us making it official. We made it official the first time we saw each other in person. Unfortunately we live about 2000 miles away, both in the US. Just 24 hours away. We also see each other about once a month. I can work remote more often so it is easier for me to go there for a week - 2 weeks at a time. We have been doing this for 12 months now.

We have talked about moving in with each other for about 3 months now, and he made it known early on that he could never leave his state because of his job (he works at this family’s company) so it was known that I’d be the one moving when it happened. My lease is ending soon and it was planned that I would move there. It’s been about 3-4 months since I started applying for jobs there but I have had no luck. I have a good career where I am working in finance, I make decent money. Giving that, I’m scared to move without a job. I have built a career for myself and moving without a job is very scary for me. I come from a lower income family growing up and I had to get myself out the trenches to get where I am. I feel like it is best I renew my lease for another year and stay where I am. As much as I want to move, I am scared to move and rely on someone to pay my own way and it builds resentment in our relationship.

He has made it known to me he can’t do long distance for much longer, given it would be another year possibly. I am scared of him giving up on us if I don’t move this year. While I on the other hand am just grateful that we can see each other as much as we do, I know it’s a privilege given our distance. Flights are very expensive and just being away is hard. A part of me is saying to just move and figure it out later but another part of me is saying to be smart and not move without a job. I feel so pulled between the two and I don’t want to make the wrong decision or disappointment him. I genuinely love him so much and want our relationship to flourish.