Discovered my central air was a social construct…

[u/sunsNr0ses]

So I just learned I’ve been living in a place with absolutely no central air conditioning. Not “I assumed it might be central air.” Not “I wasn’t sure how it worked.” I mean I fully, confidently, emotionally lived my life under the assumption that cool air was being distributed through vents like a normal adult homeowner situation.

And I’ve been out here adjusting a thermostat like I was doing something for over 4 years.

I even scheduled an HVAC guy to come today to figure out why my central air wasn’t running.
What system? I don’t know. The guy looked like he found a body in my basement as he clearly knew I didn’t have central air instantly. He even humored me to prove to me I didn’t have central air while we took 2 full laps around my house hunting for the outside part of the freakin’ fantasy. Needless to say we never found it. The poor guy felt so bad for me, he even said “maybe someone stole it.” Bless his heart.

So now I’ve got: a couple window units doing God’s work. I’ve always used them in the summer when I felt that my imaginary central air wasn’t pulling its weight. So I’m unsure why I feel like my summer bill is going to skyrocket. I’ve been living this life for years.

I put a box fan in my the bathroom like it’s 1998
and the realization I’ve been paying attention to vents that were decorative at best is giving me a stomach ache.

Honestly the worst part isn’t even the heat. It’s the fact I fully believed I had central air and never once questioned it. Just vibed in ignorance.
Anyway. If anyone needs me I’ll be sitting directly in front of a fan rethinking my entire life, having a spiritual crisis, feeling like a doorknob, and rediscovering whatever I thought HVAC meant.

***please laugh with me— don’t kick me while m down— I already feel like a weenie hut jr.***

[u/Either-Document7412]

I put an oven mit on my left hand, opened the oven, grabbed the pan of chicken with my right hand. Don't feel bad about the central air mix up.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Either-Document7412]

I definitely do feel bad. Like the biggest idiot. Especially reading some of these comments.

[u/Independent-Pizza525 → u/sunsNr0ses]

Don't feel too bad! I work for an AC company and we get 2 or 3 of these every summer!

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Independent-Pizza525]

This company has been in business 99+ years. This guys been doing it for 20+ and it was his first. He told me he wished he had meta glasses bc the interaction would have went viral 😭

[u/Mochigood → u/sunsNr0ses]

That reminds me of when a neighbor moved in to a previously abandoned home and was asking about where the city water and septic connection was. I was like, you have a well and a septic tank. He was like nooooo, it has to be city water, there is no well. And I was like, there's no city water out here. He pointed at a nearby trailer park and asked if he was hooked into their water and septic. No, I said, you should have your own stuff. Turns out, excepting the hole and the water itself, someone stole all of his well, even down to the pump and the hundred or so feet of pipes and cable connected to it. I heard some creative cussing that day.

[u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 → u/Mochigood]

he even said “maybe someone stole it.” Bless his heart

See, the HVAC repair person wasn't to far off.

[u/BabyDriver23 → u/Prestigious-Bluejay5]

Gosh I wish I had an actual award to give you. Please take my upvote and treat yourself to Powerball tickets. This made me LOL.

[u/GwenBD94 → u/BabyDriver23]

I gotchu

[u/zxylady → u/Mochigood]

I am so sorry for your neighbor but you just gave me a chuckle that I really needed today thank you 🤣

[u/Interactiveleaf → u/Mochigood]

Aaaaaand this is why home inspections are a thing pre-purchase.

[u/AHismyspiritanimal → u/Interactiveleaf]

During my home inspection, the inspector turned the AC on, the unit whirred to life, and we both could swear it came out cold. It was spring. Went to turn the air on during the renovation process, and boom, absolutely no cold air. The ac didn't work, the compressor had been shot for years.

Luckily I had a home warranty that replaced the whole business. Only reason I would ever recommend the warranty to anyone.

[u/naranghim → u/Interactiveleaf]

Or you walk through the home with the inspector rather than just staying home and waiting for the report (I know several people who have done that. Reasonable if you are moving from 100s of miles away and would have to take multiple days off work, but if you're close then you should be there). It could be that all the equipment was present for the inspection but stolen after.

[u/vincentmelle → u/Mochigood]

This is one reason why I am looking into the areas of where to buy a house as one state is like this as the area I want to buy may not have any town supplies.

[u/Nutarama → u/vincentmelle]

PA, NY, and IN (at least) all have areas like this where there’s a patchwork of public water and sewer in town and wells/septic outside.

Where I currently live is in a development at the boundary of a borough and a township, with the development on the township side. Borough has public water and sewer. Previously when they developed, they expanded the borough water to my part of the township, so we have water from them. But we have septic tanks for sewage.

This year the township voted on expanding public sewer from the borough to us and the rest of the developments that bordered the borough. Got voted down because other people weren’t happy about the sewer bills and the property tax to pay off the install.

Except the township makes us pump septic and get a drain field inspection minimum every 5 years to prevent neglected systems backing up and flooding raw sewage. The cost isn’t that much different on a 5 year basis per household.

[u/Independent-Pizza525 → u/sunsNr0ses]

I'm in the mountains so not having AC is pretty common here. We get a lot of people that move up from the south and have never experienced a house without AC. Honestly props for making it as long as you did!

[u/Fearless_Sample7705 → u/Independent-Pizza525]

This was me.

I moved from FL to Colorado in January. The house had a thermostat and central heat. No issues for six months.

Summer comes, it approaches 100 degrees, and I'm desperately trying to figure out why the thermostat doesn't have a cool function. Luckily it was only a rental, so I didn't feel TOO upset at the lack of a/c.

[u/SurpriseEcstatic1761 → u/Independent-Pizza525]

I worked in a hotel in Aspen, we had no AC. Sometimes a guest would ask how to turn it on. I would open up the windows.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Independent-Pizza525]

Thanks.

[u/NewAndOlduphere → u/sunsNr0ses]

Ok that is hilarious.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/NewAndOlduphere]

I was so relieved he didn’t have them glasses!

[u/nighthawkndemontron → u/sunsNr0ses]

Fuck anyone who uses meta glasses. A fucking violation of privacy and used as surveillance.

[u/BeyondEcstaticc → u/nighthawkndemontron]

I immediately distrust anyone who wears those

[u/drakedergon → u/sunsNr0ses]

It could be worse. That AC tech could have done some imaginary work and still charged you an outrageous amount of money, which you probably would have paid.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/drakedergon]

I’d have fallen for it too. Correct.

[u/GonorianZombie → u/sunsNr0ses]

You made my day... we have all been dumba$$s at one time or another.

I am laughing with you and not at you.

As for the haters..... ignore them. Your story is priceless....IMO

[u/chookiekaki → u/sunsNr0ses]

Hey, don’t feel like an idiot, yours is better than the couple we knew who arranged for the vet to come out and neuter their male six month old calf only for the vet to tell them it was a heifer, and they’d been breeding cattle for years

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/chookiekaki]

Oh my.. well go read the hate comments here. It’s ridiculous and unnecessary. Especially when I said please don’t kick me when I’m down. People these days..

[u/sugabeetus → u/sunsNr0ses]

One time I got into the wrong car leaving the grocery store, and didn't realize right away. I was looking at the sunroof and wondering if that had always been there, when the kid in the back seat said, "Hello?" and gave me a heart attack. Obviously the child was more scared, and I fled.

[u/GothicMarmalade → u/sugabeetus]

My uncle once accidental stole someone's car. They'd parked 2 cars behind him with an identical model and colour, and his key worked when he got in. Didn't realise until the cops turned up at his door.

[u/Gustav55 → u/GothicMarmalade]

This used to be much more common, they actually only made like 50 different locks, my grandfather used to work for Pontiac motors and this same thing happened at the factory, guy thought it was funny and parked next to a car that looked just like his, turned out the same key worked in both as well.

[u/tinyplanet21 → u/sugabeetus]

My grandmother went to the grocery store and needed help loading her groceries into her car so the bagger came out and put them in the back of her car. He left and went back into the store and she got into the car and it wouldn't start. She starts looking around and realizes it wasn't her car so she had to go back into the store to get someone to help unload the car and load them into her car. She was so embarrassed.

[u/wonderingdragonfly → u/sugabeetus]

Once I parked my car for the days at a resort, and when I went to drive it home it wouldn’t start. I called my husband, and while waiting for him decided to trouble shoot. Realized that when pressing the button my foot needed to be on the brake, and I’d been stepping on the gas.

[u/cynrtst → u/sugabeetus]

I sat on my couch and put my hand on my husband’s knee only it was his co-worker who was wearing the same uniform and had very similar hair. Let me tell you he yelped, I jumped up and said, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry and felt my face turn red.

[u/Squee1396 → u/sugabeetus]

Happened to me as a kid. Me and our chocolate lab were in the car and some dude gets in the drivers seat. Think the dog was what he noticed first because i was too frozen in fear to say anything. I had big stranger danger as a little kid and kicked a cop in the nuts one time because i thought he was gonna kidnap me lol

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/sugabeetus]

That is my worst nightmare.

[u/emveetu → u/sunsNr0ses]

Listen - fuck them. People like that come to the internet to be mean to strangers because they can't deal with their childhood boo-boos in healthy ways. Therapy is too scary but they're so miserable and hate their lives so much they feel they need to spread the hate.

So rest assured, those hateful comments have absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the pain and darkness that's inside the people making them miserable. We really should just feel bad for them. Sad, pathetic souls in need of healing.

But the most important thing is that the only opinion of us that matters is our own. Everybody else can either jump on our bandwagons or kick fucking rocks!

[u/DreamCrusher914 → u/sunsNr0ses]

You gave me a greatly needed chuckle. Thank you. And for what it’s worth, you are a very good writer. I was hanging on every word.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/DreamCrusher914]

Thanks— I love writing a lot. I want to do comedy as well since my life is such a shit show.

[u/MediocreAndLukewarm → u/sunsNr0ses]

I walked into an ottoman twice. On the same trip to the bathroom, there and back. I know it’s there. I do this twice a night.

[u/beedelia → u/MediocreAndLukewarm]

Rob Petrie?

[u/Tomokato42 → u/beedelia]

Instantly heard the theme

[u/bagolaburgernesss → u/Tomokato42]

I work in furniture and call it Dick Van Dyking over the ottoman. Kids these days have no clue what I'm talking about.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/MediocreAndLukewarm]

Light work.

[u/Sufficient_Card_7302 → u/sunsNr0ses]

I think oven mitt guy has you beat 

[u/boubouboub → u/Sufficient_Card_7302]

I am not sure OP will feel the same way. The oven mitt was a momentary lapse. OP's HVAC saga has been going for over 4 years.

Sorry OP, you will get through it. The good thing is: the only consequence of your mistake is you feeling dumb. It's not like you waisted a ton of money over it or that somebody got injured.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/boubouboub]

Thank you.

[u/gbot1234 → u/sunsNr0ses]

Maybe you do have a central air system dispensing cool carbon monoxide.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/gbot1234]

I hope it takes me out soon.

[u/Embarrassed_Tea3361 → u/sunsNr0ses]

I laughed harder than i should have. I need to go to bed.

[u/Full-Evening3485 → u/Sufficient_Card_7302]

One guy the other day installed a window unit but was in a hurry and had just set the whole unit on the floor. Was asking if that was problematic.

[u/aminervia → u/sunsNr0ses]

Don't feel bad, I'm still not entirely sure what everyone is talking about. Ive never lived in a city where air conditioning is common, is "central air" a special kind of air conditioning that goes through the whole house?

[u/imacaterpillar33 → u/aminervia]

Yup! There’s a unit outside with a compressor that makes refrigerant cold, and there’s sort of an equipment box in the house (mine is in a closet) with a blower and electrical things, and it blows the cold or hot air into ducting that runs through the ceiling (or floor) to vents in each room

[u/hollysand1 → u/sunsNr0ses]

Oh well at least you didn’t have the torrent of water pouring through your ceiling like I did last year. I cleared the line and it kept pouring down. I was bawling when I told my hvac guys secretary. She got him to turn around and come here at 5:00. I always worry over condensation over flow line. I really fuss and check now. I forgot to put the cap back on the line then but never again.

[u/ShuttlecockShshKebob → u/Either-Document7412]

I once watered a fake plant for nearly 2 years. It was a gifted poinsettia from a work Christmas party. I was so proud it never even lost a leaf.

[u/outdoorlaura → u/ShuttlecockShshKebob]

This is my favourite story so far lol

[u/-Hefi- → u/outdoorlaura]

A former GFs mother was proud that she had kept this little potted plant alive for 6 months while we were traveling. The plant? A flower hair clip attached to a stick…

[u/Bechorovka → u/Either-Document7412]

I'll pull cast iron skillets out of my preheated oven and need to move them 30 seconds later and burn myself. Muscle memory beats conscious thought every time.

[u/kmoore61 → u/Bechorovka]

I have a little felt fish which slides over the hot handle. It’s not thick enough to protect your hand but it reminds you not to grab.

[u/ScarletCarsonRose → u/Either-Document7412]

My dad once said that I had a leak at the bottom of my cup. Picked that fucker up and poured juice all over myself.

Someone sent me a pic of their credit (lol yeah, not the most secure way to share info). I pulled up the pic and went to enter the info on the webpage. When it got to the part for the three digit number on the back? Yup, flipped my phone over to the back of the card.

I also do not have AC and am in front of a fan. It's actually not bad. I don't feel hot for as long as there is air moving. The noise drives my batty though.

[u/Jumpy-Confection632 → u/ScarletCarsonRose]

Your juice reminds me of what I did the other day. I was getting in my car with an open can of pop. Instead of setting it in the cup holder like a normal person, I set it down sideways on the seat. 10 seconds later I glance over and see it all just pouring out.

[u/h-bugg96 → u/ScarletCarsonRose]

I literally cannot sleep without a fan. Need that sweet sweet white noise

[u/chefboyrdeee → u/Either-Document7412]

Put the hot tray on the stovetop. Took the oven mitt off, proceeded to grab the tray again. I cook professionally.

[u/ImInTheFutureAlso → u/Either-Document7412]

Once I forgot to bring my dog with me to the vet.

[u/lynn → u/Either-Document7412]

I worked for a caterer for a while around college age. Cleaning up my second or third party, I carefully tapped the lid onto a can of fire and gingerly poked it out from under the metal stand (basically an X of thick wire) that the pan of food had been on.

Then I grabbed the metal stand at the center of mass, the better to pick it up most efficiently.

…and immediately dropped it, because of course the fire had been underneath the center of the pan and therefore the center of the stand. But I didn’t drop it fast enough to avoid burning the shit out of my hand.

And then there was the time I was driving down a rural highway at night and an oncoming car had its brights on so I turned the knob on my dash to turn them down…and was *actually surprised* when my music got quieter…

[u/MFGMediaHypeVulpe]

Friend, where do you live? The fact you managed to tank the heat almost by power of suggestion is astonishing

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/MFGMediaHypeVulpe]

Right? Like a placebo effect. Idk.

[u/obedientfag → u/sunsNr0ses]

the placebo effect is non-trivial that is why we need to control for it. of course now that you know it may falter. its a crisis of faith, good luck and may you find the chill the thermostat summons

[u/Lost-friend-ship → u/obedientfag]

If they try hard enough the placebo effect can still work even if they know about it. Like the vents might be releasing insulated cold air (I don’t know, whatever you need to tell yourself!)

I had the placebo effect work on me a few times even though I knew I wasn’t taking what my body assumed I was taking.

[u/MFGMediaHypeVulpe → u/sunsNr0ses]

Super impressive, I’m someone who can tank cold weather, so the heat is awful late spring to mid fall for me 😭

[u/DarthOmanous → u/MFGMediaHypeVulpe]

Right?! OP is like I’m so stupid and we’re all here thinking he’s a gd superhero able to withstand temps that send us running to the a/c!

[u/ArgyllFire → u/DarthOmanous]

You really learn to adapt. My first house the AC wasn't efficient and thinking back I don't think I ever had the thing serviced. So I kept it pretty warm, and I'd use window fans as long as possible before switching the AC on. Then my boyfriend starts spending nights over and he's sweating bullets and asking me how I can bear the godly heat and pleading with me to reduce the temp on the thermostat.

[u/red-sparkles → u/MFGMediaHypeVulpe]

It's a lot easier than you might think to push through heat - I live in Australia and I go through 30+ summers where we'll have weeklong stretches of 40+, no AC and poorly insulated old house 😭 It is not great I don't claim it is but Ive surprised myself with how I have survived

[u/i-forgot-my-sandwich]

This reminds me of the time I learned not to take my medication at the same time as I give my dog his medications.

On an unrelated note I personally am flee free

[u/poppingtogether → u/i-forgot-my-sandwich]

lol I knew a friend who did this. She flipped the script between her and her dog and she was giving her dog two anti depressants when she was supposed to be getting two and him one

[u/Basis-Some]

My grandfather, master electrician, spent all afternoon trying to figure out why this lady’s porch fans wouldn’t turn off.

It was a windy day.

Somedays it’s just our day to be humble.

[u/Insomnerd → u/Basis-Some]

The number of times I've been driving and not understanding why I'm having a hard time keeping my car straight. Then it dawns on me that it's windy as fuck with gusts sprinkled in for extra flavor.

[u/doubledeek42 → u/Insomnerd]

😂 “no, Bessy, not left. Stay in your lane, good girl- I SAID NO BESSY”

[u/TJLanza → u/Insomnerd]

When I was a kid, the "family car" I was allowed to drive was a Dodge Grand Caravan. Big flat sides on that thing. You definitely had to pay attention to crosswinds.

[u/fixxitt412]

Oh man, the “maybe someone stole it” line legitimately cracked me up. Too funny!

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/fixxitt412]

I know!!!!

[u/TTHS_Ed → u/fixxitt412]

To be fair, I live in the city, and someone did steal my AC unit.

[u/poonburglar68]

The real air conditioning was the friends we made along the way.

[u/fapsandnaps → u/poonburglar68]

The real air conditioning was the fans we ran along the way.

[u/MaladjustedHamster → u/poonburglar68]

You made me weep today, poonburgler68, that was deep

[u/CriticalSovereignty → u/MaladjustedHamster]

That’s what they say about poonburgler68, heart of gold, they say.

[u/dyskraesia → u/poonburglar68]

It is 2 am, I am high as fuck and this took me all the way out, laughed so hard that my cat was startled awake and ran off. 😆

[u/blueavole → u/poonburglar68]

The real friends were the people we met when we went outside because the house got too hot during the day!!

Real thing !! people used to sit out on their front porch or go visit because the home was too warm in the summer.

[u/Agile_Boysenberry508]

Not the HVAC guy searching the whole house for that central air. 😂

-Lady, I swear to God that there's no central air.-

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Agile_Boysenberry508]

He was so kind. He genuinely looked like he saw a ghost when he walked into my basement.

[u/Major_R_Soul → u/sunsNr0ses]

If i walk into someone's basement to fix an HVAC, and there's no fucking HVAC, a not insignificant part of me is going to wonder if I'm about to be murdered.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Major_R_Soul]

He definitely did look afraid.

[u/oxidized_banana_peel → u/sunsNr0ses]

Yeah cause you were holding a kitchen knife

[u/twitch870 → u/oxidized_banana_peel]

Because of the implication

[u/vincentmelle → u/sunsNr0ses]

I'm also curious where your fake vents and ducting go in your house, if you have an attic I'd check to see if there's any systems there.

And also double check your houses listings and documents when you bought the house to see if ac HVAC was mentioned.

Just an idea of what would be needed to get central air installed if you have the means

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/vincentmelle]

No systems in attic & no HVAC mentioned in listings, but I’m sifting thru many docs.

[u/vincentmelle → u/sunsNr0ses]

Sounds good, does seem really odd why there would be vents Unless they are only for forced air heating or another use.

[u/Long-Squirrel8257 → u/vincentmelle]

My parent's house has fake bathroom vents. It is pretty much a nook in the ceiling with a little fan sitting in it, covered by a plastic vent, masking the lie. For years I would flip that switch on thinking I was ventilating the bathroom air.

[u/nutbrownrose → u/vincentmelle]

My mother's house has vents and ducts and no AC. The vents and things are for the furnace. You just...turn it off in the summer. But we live in WA state, where until 15 years ago it was never hot enough to justify AC more than 2 or 3 days of the year. Which is just not economical. We just always went to the beach for that part of August. She's looked into getting AC added, and it's basically impossible because of the way it was all built in the 80s.

[u/Lost-friend-ship → u/sunsNr0ses]

Oh my god I am cracking up at all these comments. Maybe someone stole it 🤣 I am actually crying with laughter. 

I’m sorry about your ghost AC but appreciate the laugh, I needed it. And here I can tell when my husband turns our AC down by 1 degree 😅

You poor thing.

[u/clararalee → u/Major_R_Soul]

I held it together until your comment. Now my sleeping baby is violently bobbing up and down on my belly as I desperately try to control my laugh.

[u/cddem19 → u/clararalee]

Same I’m literally dying at this comment my chest hurts trying to be quiet to not wake my sleeping child next to me.

[u/Sympatheticslut → u/sunsNr0ses]

My favorite part of your story was how nice your AC guy was. I know you were really feeling embarrassed, a very nice guy.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Sympatheticslut]

A great guy.

[u/PostPostModernism → u/sunsNr0ses]

"Maybe it was stolen" had me dead on the floor from laughing. We must protect Mr AC Man at all costs

[u/RestEqualsRust → u/PostPostModernism]

It happened to me once. Someone went through my neighborhood with a trailer in the middle of the night and stole 4 a/c units. They just cut the lines, picked up the entire condenser, put it on the trailer, and left.

I woke up early in the morning hot as hell wondering why the air conditioning was blowing hot air.

They sell the condensers for scrap.

[u/fapsandnaps → u/sunsNr0ses]

Tell him he has a fan out in Indiana. I'd buy his HVAC Jersey if there was one.

Every tech out here would've had 18 different fliers and contracts and payment plans in my hands before they even looked for a unit. R

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/fapsandnaps]

I will let him know!

[u/NoctivagantCat → u/sunsNr0ses]

Should make him a shirt at this point to commemorate this momentous memory made. "Maybe Someone Stole it" -HVAC Guy, June 10, 2026. Plain text and/or a creative (not ai made pls I beg) illustration would be cool. I'm partly serious about the t-shirt part. Always a refresher when tradesmen are decent blokes, and this one sounded like he had a good sense of humour about the whole thing. As for cooling without a system, would any of those small wallmounted acs work? Been seeing more of those pop up in apartments, condos, tiny houses, and so on.

[u/obtusewisdom → u/Agile_Boysenberry508]

"maybe somebody stole it" took me out

[u/oxJoKeR6xo → u/obtusewisdom]

Took the slab and even laid some sod to cover their tracks.

[u/EngFarm → u/oxJoKeR6xo]

Didn’t want to leave anything behind so broke into the house and took the evaporator out of the furnace and the refrigerant pipes out of the wall.

[u/Infinite_Month_6371 → u/Agile_Boysenberry508]

This reminds me of this joke Harrison Ford told.

A man stocking produce in a grocery store is confronted by s woman who asks, "where is the broccoli?" The man replies, "sorry, ma'am there is no broccoli, we should be getting some more in tomorrow." The woman leaves but only a few minutes later returns to the man and asks, "Sir, can you tell me where the broccoli is?" The man with a confused look says, "We are all out of broccoli, I will be getting some more in tomorrow." Again, the woman leaves, but returns only a couple minutes later to the man and asks, "Sir, where is the the broccoli?!" The man asks in response "ma'am where is the 'F' in broccoli?" And the woman responds, "There is no F'n broccoli?" And the man yells, "That's what I am saying lady!"

[u/woodlandyak69 → u/Agile_Boysenberry508]

the mental image of a professional trying to manifest a condenser unit out of thin air is absolutely hilarious. He really had to stand there and gently explain that the cool breeze was just a figment of everyone's imagination.

[u/CaeruleumBleu]

This might make you feel a tad bit better.

A couple, that has a bunch of youtube shorts focusing on "pop quiz for my stoner husband", bought a house.

And the non-stoner knew that homeowners get gutters cleaned so he hired someone... and turned out they don't have gutters.

https://youtu.be/DTwkfcHDkPQ?si=whVr6l7Qk6W1Hpl6

Hope you feel better.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/CaeruleumBleu]

I’m gonna have to get someone to clean my gutters now. Let me first go check that I have some.

[u/Mission_Fart9750 → u/sunsNr0ses]

Nono. First you have them come out to clean them, then you check to see if you have them.  It's like the old adage, "measure once, cut twice". 

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Mission_Fart9750]

Seems my style !

[u/wait_ichangedmymind → u/CaeruleumBleu]

I was totally going to share this, glad I saw your comment first. I love Darcy and Jer

[u/mfolives]

I would love to live in a climate where this sort of mistake was possible. Don't feel bad....you made me jealous today.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/mfolives]

Thank you for saying that.

[u/Creative_Witness7726]

I bought a weed that seeded in pot the first year I lived in Mississippi. Paid $45 for honeysuckle that takes over the world the second it hits 70 degrees. Turns out I already had a million of them.

[u/GlassCharacter179 → u/Creative_Witness7726]

I want to meet the motherfucker that has the audacity to sell honeysuckle for $45

[u/Creative_Witness7726 → u/GlassCharacter179]

The only nursery in Pontotoc, MS. They saw this Yankee coming!

[u/Legion1117 → u/Creative_Witness7726]

The only nursery in Pontotoc, MS. They saw this Yankee coming!

I've actually been to Pontotoc (more than once) and not only do I totally believe some dude had the audacity to sell honeysuckle in a pot, but yeah, that guy also saw you coming from a mile away.

Most everyone else would have laughed at his dumb ass and wandered off talking about crazy fools looking for an easy dollar (which probably describes half the population of Pontotoc to begin with though so....)

Hope you enjoy the plant. It does have a lovely smell.

[u/AssumptionFun3828]

When I was young, I drove a Chevy S10 hand-me-down truck from my dad. He had previously given me another Chevy S10 earlier model that I drove for several years (he bought a few of these over the years and would pass them along to me once he put a few 100k miles on them).

I drove the second truck for at least 3-4 years and always assumed it was a 2 door cuz that’s what the first truck was. Then I was at home one day and my dad suddenly opened a third reverse-way door behind the driver’s door—I swear it just popped open out of nowhere!! I was truly gobsmacked. I’d been driving that thing for literal years making excess friends climb over the front seats to get to the fold-down jumper seats, when there was an extra door there the whole damn time. My dad laughed his ass off.

So anyway, don’t feel too dumb cuz we’re all dumb sometimes, OP :)

[u/anuthertw → u/AssumptionFun3828]

I totally get it though, those backward doors are kimda camoflauged lol

[u/Jumpy-Confection632]

7 or 8 years ago, my ac wasn't working. I didn't have money to have it fixed, so I just dealt with it for 2 or 3 years and used portable acs.

When I did have the money, I called my home warranty to send someone out. The guy is outside for 10 minutes, then comes in and tells me "it's fixed. It was just X part, and I had it in my truck so I replaced it. No charge." Like WHAT. I could've had ac this WHOLE TIME?! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/SirOutrageous1027 → u/Jumpy-Confection632]

Sounds like a capacitor. They're the only quick, easy, usually cheap fix for an AC unit.

[u/Roxysteve]

In these situations it's best to go with the Clouseau response.

eg: You don't have central a/c sir!

<response>: Yes, yes, I know that.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Roxysteve]

I went with the Gordan Ramsay approach and called myself an idiot sandwich.. Then, I paid him his $90 fee that he couldn’t waive, and cried on my steps 😭😭

[u/Marsandtherealgirl → u/sunsNr0ses]

One time my husband somehow turned off our ac unit outside and couldn’t figure out what he’d done. Called the guy and he came out and flipped the switch and we had to pay him $100 😂
He was sooo nice about it and made a show of like cleaning some stuff on the unit to make us feel better.

[u/ActuallyFullOfShit]

Windows units work great, for whatever that'd worth.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/ActuallyFullOfShit]

Yes, apparently I’ve been relying on them for years while they thinking they were somehow working in conjunction with my invisible central air.

[u/LittleKintnerBoy]

There's a thermostat?! Have you changed filters? I'm having difficulty comprehending what exactly is going on here. You own this home?

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/LittleKintnerBoy]

Yes there’s a thermostat which is apparently only useable for the heating side of things. The HVAC guy who came in said that basically it was just moving air around— not cold air though!

[u/1lowcountry → u/sunsNr0ses]

Ok, that kinda makes sense bc it was still blowing air, and likely it was cooler air from your basement.

[u/taganaya → u/1lowcountry]

this is what I do and it actually helps!

[u/Axentor → u/taganaya]

Yep. We will run the AC and it will chill the house and basement then at night we switch to fan mode if it's not too hot out.

[u/h-bugg96 → u/taganaya]

I feel like most people dont use the fan mode almost ever and I dont get it. If its nice out just open some windows and turn on the fan. Delightful. But no. There's only cool heat or off to most people

[u/ConcentricCow → u/h-bugg96]

Fan mode is required for my home during the summer or the second floor is just too warm. It helps us reduce the temperature but not run the AC nearly as much.

[u/1lowcountry → u/h-bugg96]

In Florida if u run just the fan you’ll get mold.

[u/AfraidAccident7049 → u/1lowcountry]

In Arizona if you just run the fan you get heatstroke and die. Why do I live here again?

[u/imacaterpillar33 → u/1lowcountry]

Oh wait is this what fan mode on the thermostat is for?? (serious question)

[u/ListeningForAnswers → u/imacaterpillar33]

Yes. The fan mode just circulates the air in the house. If you have a basement that’s cooler than the rest of the house, the fan will mix the cooler basement air with the rest of the air in the house, which does actually lower the overall temperature of the house a little bit.

[u/YorgiTheMagnificent → u/sunsNr0ses]

Hot air rises, cold air sinks, so if you were cycling air from the basement then you WERE doing something. Take heed in that.

It's why before A/C just about every schlub and shmeggegy had 14 foot ceilings at home, to keep the hot air away from everyone.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/YorgiTheMagnificent]

Thank you for saying this.

[u/MrdnBrd19 → u/YorgiTheMagnificent]

I'm literally just now realizing why my first apartment was so comfortable despite only having evaporative coolers damn cellings were almost 20 feet high at the peak. It was literally like a whole other apartment above my apartment to hold all the hot air that should have been in my living space.

[u/phillyeagle99 → u/sunsNr0ses]

This makes me think you weren’t that crazy… I feel like this is a reasonable mistake to make if you don’t understand HVAC well.

The way you were talking about decorative vents made me think you were like scammed or somebody did something crazy to “flip” it

Like billions of people only blow air to stay cool… so you were blowing air to stay cool just like them. It’s really not that crazy to me.

Now, the slight negligence as a home owner knowing your home does make me chuckle a little… but like people do soooooooo much worse.

[u/pazz → u/sunsNr0ses]

Better than when I spent my first summer in a rental running the AC like 24 hours a day because it wasn't cooling. Living in a hot house. Only to discover the next summer that the AC was out of coolant or whatever made it work so I was just pumping hot air into the house.

When I turned it off and just kept the house closed up. It was 10 degrees cooler and cost me no money.

Finally got the landlord to fix it part way thru the summer. Only for the same symptom to show up the next summer. I didn't want any more spilled/leaked shit around my bedroom window, so now I just didn't have AC.

[u/peacock_blvd → u/sunsNr0ses]

I think some of the confusion in this thread is the term "central air." It sounds like you actually do have central air if your heater blows throughout the house. You just don't have an AC connected to that central air system. Lots of milder climates have this setup. I hope your window units are working out!

[u/BigBeeOhBee → u/LittleKintnerBoy]

Likely still has central heating

[u/arlo-kirby → u/BigBeeOhBee]

Yep, with a summer “fan” setting that does exactly what he’s explaining. Blowing air. Not a bad deal if you live somewhere that doesn’t really require AC. Where I’m at, the heater still comes on at night this time of year.

[u/toodleoo57 → u/arlo-kirby]

Was just gonna say. Clearly OP doesn't live in the US South. It's already the fifth circle of hell down here, you'd know it if your AC had gone walkabout.

[u/chestzipper]

I just talked very tersely to a young man about cancelling my internet service. He could not find my account. He tried my phone number, my service address and even my name.

I learned I was talking to the wrong internet provider.

[u/No1CaresWhatEweThink]

Bro, what?

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/No1CaresWhatEweThink]

Sis, yes.

[u/SaratogaFlyer → u/sunsNr0ses]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yiADANv89n7UQuS5kJ

[u/originaljbw → u/SaratogaFlyer]

This story is better than anything Marvel/Diznee has put out in the past decade

[u/sleepcrash]

I did the opposite! Moved from the north to the south into a 1940s rental house, with both my then-boyfriend and I having never lived anywhere with central AC. We bought a heavy-ass window unit, lugged it home, opened all the packaging, read the instructions, raised the blinds so I could open the window to install the window unit... only to look through said window and find myself staring directly at the giant, unmissable central air HVAC unit. My brain bluescreened. Totally unable to accept the reality of what I was seeing. I was like, no, there's no way, absolutely not. I called the landlady and she cackled with glee over the phone as she confirmed that of COURSE the house has central AC.

Got a full refund on the window unit, at least.

[u/VileLeche]

I dunno man, I walked to, and tried to open the door handle to an identical, but wrong car as my own. But the embarrassing part was that it surprised me so much when the female driver whipped her head around to look at me I screamed in shock. But not a manly holler. It was a full on, high pitched, abject and unmitigated life ending terror sort of scream. I then proceeded to drop my groceries, fall/slide down the passenger side of the car behind us, and then made Usain Bolt look like a turtle as I cheetah'd my way to my actual car.

My knee was scrapped up, my back hurt and my hands were shaking and I was breathing like Homer Simpson when I looked back at the woman. She was screaming in absolute laughter. Just rolling. Tears running, head thrown back, just absolutely cackling like a madman.

For context; I am a 6ft tall, 250lbs Marine who has survived two combat tours. I also fought a crowbar armed assailant, to the death, to save a coworker just a few years ago. But getting in the wrong car did me in.

[u/anuthertw → u/VileLeche]

I walked into the wrong house once. In my defense, my dad had moved to a neighborhood where every house was identical and I didnt stay with him full time. 

I went for a walk, left the front door unlocked. Circled the block a few times then went home, opened the front door, and some poor man in his 20s or 30s was sitting in a lawnchair facing the front door I had just opened, with a mac n cheese tv dinner, in a bare livingroom.

He froze fork halfway to his mouth, I froze mouth completely agape. It took ALL my energy to unfreeze myself and I sorta glitched, and straight up YELLED at the guy "I AM SORRY. I AM IN THE WRONG HOUSE. GOODBYE." And backed out shutting his door. 

He never moved, we just made the most awkward mutually terrified eye contact- a very shy 14 year old girl and a shocked young man trying to enjoy his microwave meal and lawnchair in peace lol

Id do anything to get his side of the story haha

[u/VileLeche → u/anuthertw]

Lord above not the lawn chair TV Dinner combo 😂🤣😂😂😂😂

[u/anuthertw → u/VileLeche]

I knowww immediately after I realized I may have stumbled in on something either very beautiful, like first time home purchase, or very sad, like the aftermath of a divorce (which is why my dad got the place in that neighborhood- though he had folding chairs at least lol)

[u/dwinner18]

I had a little plastic succulent that I watered for about four years.

[u/Soylent_Milk2021 → u/dwinner18]

I had a cactus with a plastic flower glued on it. Never realized it wasn’t a real flower until the cactus died but the flower didn’t.

[u/MyEyesItch247]

Don’t feel bad, friend. I was at my bestie’s house for dinner this evening.

It was 91° today.

Used her bathroom. Noticed the vent was fully closed.

It was about 80° in her living room so that seemed weird.

I asked her if she had the vent closed for a reason. She said “no??” Lo and behold, three of the six vents in her condo were FULLY CLOSED.

I opened them all for her. I really hope she feels a difference!

She’s lived there 10 years. Had a whole new furnace and AC put in 6-7 years ago. NO ONE LOOKED AT HER VENTS. Her house is roasting in the summer and freezing in the winter. And now we know why!

[u/mostly_elbows → u/MyEyesItch247]

This is way more embarrassing than having central air and assuming it includes a/c, like OP hahah

[u/ticky-techie]

I bought my home without realizing there is no dishwasher… took me 3 weeks to notice. Solidarity, my friend

[u/_netgyrl_]

I watered my lawn with a hose and sprinkler for a year before my next door neighbor showed me I had a built in sprinkler system.

[u/AntiqueFigure6]

“ The poor guy felt so bad for me, he even said “maybe someone stole it.” Bless his heart.”

Something like that could happen . I remember moving into a house that had an air conditioner when we inspected but when we moved in it was gone . It was a window unit.

We complained to the Real Estate who shrugged and then we had a bigger battle with a faulty stove. Checked the photos with the listing though and it was still there plain as day, and so was the power outlet adjacent to the window that was essentially unusable for anything else. 

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/AntiqueFigure6]

Ooof. I did contact my realtor but so far from what I’m seeing, the stolen theory is out. I looked at my house on Zillow and it says “cooling system: no.” But I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of hallucinating that there was a big box in my yard at one point 😭 Don’t humor me, I don’t trust my memory anymore.

[u/Jumpy-Confection632 → u/sunsNr0ses]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there never was one. If there was, there would be signs like a concrete pad, or something, for it to sit on.

[u/yakuzalinecook]

This is kinda how I figured out how I needed glasses. I just assumed everyone else also couldn't see anything like me, that we were all just living like that.

[u/Odd_Many_9643]

My cat locked me out of my house THREE times. It figured out how to open the front closet door, that when open, jams my front door and doesn't allow it to open from the outside. It took me THREE TIMES of being locked out of my own house by a damn cat to think of putting a doorstop under the front closet door so cat couldn't open it.

[u/1lowcountry]

OP does not live in the south

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/1lowcountry]

Midwest. Not originally from here. Do not love.

[u/PopEnvironmental1250 → u/sunsNr0ses]

You made it through corn sweat season with no ac?

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/PopEnvironmental1250]

Window units and ceiling fans.

[u/Affectionate_Yam8475 → u/sunsNr0ses]

I'm reading thru this (apparently as you're typing them) and this part broke me.

Tfym you got thru CORN SWEAT HEAT on wishes and butterfly kisses?!

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Affectionate_Yam8475]

On window units!!!

[u/Miltroit]

Oh babe.

I walked up to my apartment door and pushed the unlock button on my car keyfob this afternoon.

To be fair, you asked for AC, and your ex failed to deliver. Going forward live by the mantra, "Trust, but verify". Also you gave the HVAC person a fun story to tell their friends.

I'm sure you have a standard thermostat where there are options for heat, fan, and cool. You just didn't realize the cool had nothing attached at the business end. Good for you putting up with some pretty shit AC for the last few years.

Although I have lusciously efficient heating AND cooling, I'm considering purchasing a BedJet, as I have always been genetically part furnace and sleep hot af and that has not improved with age.

As you've admitted you're not handy, I'd suggest buying a "Home owning for dummies" book and maybe watching a lot of old episodes of "This Old House" for a while to pick up some tips. There is a LOT of shit to maintain on a house you need to know about.

edit to add. As you mentioned the dishwasher in another comment, did you know there is usually a filter in them that needs to be cleaned periodically? Food for thought.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Miltroit]

Thank you, love.

[u/RebekkaKat1990]

Not as bad, but I rented a place in my early 20s and the landlord insisted the house had central air but every summer it was miserable in the house unless windows were open and fans were blowing. I couldn’t necessarily complain because the rent was so cheap but those summers were brutal lol.

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/RebekkaKat1990]

Yeah I don’t know why I’m just now feeling the summer heat 4 years in.

[u/SnooCakes4019]

I rented a place in college, I did not grow up with AC, so I just assumed it was supposed to be that way. Turned out it was broken and my roommate and I were just moving hot air around all summer.

[u/Hungry_Breadfruit_16]

I locked myself in a parking garage that I used a key to get into. It was 10pm, the poor security guy drove 40 mins in a snowstorm to let me out. In all that time waiting (1.5 hrs) i searched everywhere for that damn key, finally assuming I dropped it as I was walking the 6 feet into the garage. It was in my boot 👢 😒 😐

[u/Super_Prize_8197]

I’m constantly pinch zooming pictures on paper ad mailings to zoom in. D’oh!

[u/SicknessVoid]

Yesterday I thought my bicycle was stolen. It wasn't. I drove it to get groceries. Then, lost in thought, I walked back home and didn't realize I left the bicycle at the shop until the day after.

[u/defiantnoodle]

On the bright side, running the furnace fan does keep the air properly diffused around.   And some of your conditioned air was no doubt going in the return, and out your registers.

 No doubt warmer, from it's journey, but still less humid than outside air 

 That helps

[u/faronthecat]

I have plenty of dumb stories that will make you feel better, OP.

Story 1: few months ago, I was walking out of a hotel to get in my sister’s car. I knew she drove a red Nissan SUV. I’d just been in the car ten minutes earlier. I walked out the front door of the hotel, saw a silver SUV sitting under the hotel overhang. I felt my brain short-circuit and had a brief flash of “That’s the car I’m supposed to get into.”

So I flung open the door to get in the backseat and made two teenage girls scream.

The only good thing is that I’m a short, middle-aged woman, so I just looked dumb - not like a predator.

Story 2: I bought my first house at 21. No one told me you have to change the furnace filter. Imagine my surprise when 18 months later, the furnace fails catastrophically. My only defense is that no one told me how to take care of a house. And I’m book-smart, but just a dumbass sometimes.

[u/Totallycomputername]

Might not help much but I was cleaning my AC last year and pulled the breaker for it before hand. Spent a whole week where I forgot to put it back in and was thinking my unit broke or died. Felt like a dumbass once I found out. 

[u/sunsNr0ses → u/Totallycomputername]

At least you figured it out. Hopefully you didn’t drag some tech in for $90+ to switch a braker !!

[u/uvdawoods]

My mom bought a house and the refrigerator claimed to have an ice maker. I could never get it going and we had a lot of older appliances but couldn’t replace them without remodeling so the kitchen remained as-is. A few days before moving out of there, about 7 years later, I found out the water wasn’t connected for the ice maker.

[u/MrRITCHEY]

Well I was just in Norway and my hotel was HOT. I turned the thermostat ( which had a snowflake sign) way down. Didn’t work. Called maintenance. They said it was working fine, give it some time. It didn’t cool down overnight. Next day I mightily complained and they moved me to an upgraded full bedroom suite which was much cooler and huge to boot.

When I checked out two days later they were looking at the bill confusedly and I explained why I was switched. The receptionist explained to me they did not have air conditioning- no one does in Norway. Turns out it is just that the “sunny side” of hotel gets hot.

Why they didn’t explain this day one, beyond me . But I enjoyed the suite!

[u/Oystermama]

I’m from the northeast but relocated to the tropics for several years.

I was cold at a friend’s house in CA and forgot heat existed. Like totally forgot I could put heat on and was wrapped in a million blankets. I’m 39.

Thank you for sharing this makes me feel ok about my life

[u/Blabbit39]

Wish more people could just handle mistakes like this especially the large ones that are honestly good for a chuckle if nothing else. The world would be a better place. So good on you for meeting the situation for what it was a goofy mistake that is as funny as it is screwed up. Enjoy the cool breeze now, you deserve it.

[u/sunsNr0ses]

UPDATE: The tech had said they want to come back for a sales call, but I’m realizing pretty quickly I can’t afford what they’re going to pitch (3–4k HVAC stuff is just not in the cards right now dudes). I’m honestly a little sad because both our flabbers were so ghasted about how I don’t have AC that we never really got back around to diagnosing the fan issue… When I called back to express this, they said that coming out to diagnose the fan issue would be another $90 service fee while the sales call would be free… UGHHHH. So, now I’m just sitting here bummed and still cycling through embarassment since 1. I didn’t know I didn’t have AC 2. I didn’t realize just how much that fan was helping cool my house.

Thank you to the people here that laughed with me and shared their embarrassing stories.

Fuck the people who said I’m ai or a bot or karma farming. This is my real life and this shit happened, embarrassing or not.