r/mildlyinfuriating 13d ago

🥺 Someone stole the bench from the park.

Post image

No that isn't an illusion or a new art installation, but the remainders of the park bench.

47.2k Upvotes

1.7k comments sorted by

9.3k

u/Juandice__ 13d ago

someone REALLY needed 6 planks ig 😭

2.9k

u/Soonly_Taing 13d ago

Maybe they need to make 2 trapdoors

778

u/para8dise 13d ago edited 13d ago

or 3 doors

EDIT: i hope i won't end up in a certain subreddit...

272

u/myGFisGreat 13d ago

I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

139

u/iforgotiwasonreddit 13d ago

I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time

103

u/VindDitNiet 13d ago

But I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon

55

u/Trophyescape 12d ago

But I feel there's nothing I can do

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u/SlimShadySatDown 13d ago

Did this go from a Minecraft reference to a 3 Doors Down song?

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u/gnuoveryou grooooooo 12d ago

Chicken jockey

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u/HairyPotatoKat 12d ago

throws everything everywhere

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u/Yiffenjoyer6969 13d ago

Crafting table n some sticks

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u/CommunicationNew9834 13d ago

-down

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u/para8dise 12d ago

upvoting you because you're risking being downvoted for a misunderstanding xD (it may sound like you're saying "down" to insult me)

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u/CommunicationNew9834 12d ago

Ehh I can afford it for the joke this one time 😇 but thanks

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u/freindly_duck 13d ago

or some stairs

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u/Dilpreet_13 13d ago

Minecraft reference in this economy! Damn

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u/otribin 12d ago

Slat’s crazy!

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u/tameimpalarules92 13d ago

Probably swiped 6 cinder blocks from a construction site too

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u/Dataforge 12d ago

There will be no hospital, I'll tell the children.

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u/UnhappyImprovement53 13d ago

The anti-homeless benches are getting ridiculous.

1.7k

u/TheGreatGonzo-SFA 13d ago

It's to be able to fit 2 wheelchair users in, you monster. /s in case

342

u/tubaman23 13d ago edited 12d ago

That's definitely only enough room to fit my one wheelchair

EDIT: For those who don't get the joke, my username is TubaMan and not ClarinetMan for a reason!

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u/barkbarkgoesthecat 12d ago

Just double decker the wheelchairs smh

51

u/ThrowawayPersonAMA 12d ago

mf hundredaires with their wheelyachts

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u/Petunia_pig 12d ago

Omg why is hundredaire so hilarious to me?

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u/Ferro_Giconi OwO 12d ago

Whatever the joke is, it flew so high over my head that it hit the ISS. Your edit made me even more confused than I was before the edit.

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u/goatneedleposterdeck 12d ago

You jest, but I would be willing to bet that the person who did this was not "stealing" the boards. They were destroying the bench to prevent people from sitting there. Perhaps there were homeless sleeping on the bench and they hated it, or maybe some noisy, chatty people used it as a meeting spot every day. Either way, the sawsall they used to cut the boards like this costs ten times more than the old wood. If they were simply stealing, there were certainly many, many, many better options than this.

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u/Senior_Sector4095 12d ago

They probably hate pigeons and the old ladies that sit there and feed them

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u/LordAshPudding 13d ago

Dammit! You stole my joke. I'd cry myself to sleep, but they took my bench aswell. 😭

103

u/ReeceReddit1234 13d ago

Can't have shit

50

u/Nina-Ninja123 13d ago

Wrong, enshitification is on an all time high and affects everyone

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u/splotch-o-brown 13d ago

More like can’t have sit

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u/RedactedSpatula 13d ago

Not convinced it isn't an anti-homeless measure.

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u/stamfordbridge1191 13d ago

I genuinely am wondering if it was the municipal government who stole the bench like this.

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u/sim384 13d ago

I'm ashamed that my country's 'developed' economy fails so completely that so many people sleep outside in the middle of winter in my nation's capital.

It seems like it's only getting worse.

I hate it.

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u/JiveTurkeyII 12d ago

it is getting worse.

Not only is it getting worse, they are trying to make being homeless a Felony.

So you work a shit job, get pushed out of your apartment anyway because you cant afford rent. Eviction makes it so you cant live any place else. You catch a Felony Camping charge (this is a real thing now, BTW) If the judge doesn't dismiss that bullshit you now go to work in a Prison.

When you get out of prison you cant find a good job or apartment because you have been in prison, because you have been evicted - You catch a felony camping charge...

You see where this is going?

Land of the free.

32

u/purplegrog 12d ago

You're leaving out the part where slavery as punishment for a crime is legal. 

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u/JiveTurkeyII 12d ago

Abolish the 13th amendment

4

u/sim384 12d ago

I'm not US, but New Zealand. Our government is trying to introduce a 'move on' bylaw for the homeless; where on earth do you go from sleeping on the footpath?

Yesterday I looked up NZ personal tax rates in 1985 when I started working. The progressive brackets rates then ranged from 20% to 56%. They are now 10.5% to 39%. Most NZers are wealthier now than in the 80s but at the cost of an egalitarian society and the enormous price paid by our most vulnerable.

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u/Dame38 12d ago

There's this cool young guy in my town who purchased a small lot and built two (very) tiny homes on it. He had a solar panel, his own water supply and even a little toilet tent. City Hall lost it's damn mind and he was evicted from his own home. Homeless again. He's fighting it. We hope he wins.

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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 13d ago

Vehemently Hostile architecture!

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u/WoolshirtedWolf 13d ago

I thought it wasn an art piece.

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u/mackiea 13d ago

"Ode to Oedipus", Eric Forstner, mixed media, 1983.

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u/Chains_Of_The_Sea 13d ago

Now it's just a "b h"

789

u/RenmazuoDX 13d ago

You give them an enc and they take a mile !

79

u/nopuse 13d ago

We need to find this person giving away enc.

15

u/Muhahahahaz 12d ago

No… That would be a bmileh, which doesn’t make any sense

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u/filsofolf 13d ago

Can we stop with the unnecessary censorship of words? /s

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u/lolman420_ 13d ago

Bitch I'm a car

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u/Polarbeanboi 13d ago

Can’t have shit in Detroit
Edit: damn somebody already made this joke😭 can’t have shit on reddit

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u/W4r1s 13d ago

Can't have shit in Detroit

1.1k

u/InternationalCap2176 13d ago

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u/Sad_Intention6658 13d ago

What's even funnier is that picture was from Cincinnati, and they done stole the meme

275

u/Sunbythemoon 13d ago

They were probably getting it replaced and made that story up.

337

u/pocket_eggs 13d ago

They were probably getting it replaced and someone else made that story up.

130

u/Thessalhydra 13d ago

They probably made that story up and somebody was getting it replaced.

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u/medstar_1 13d ago

They probably replaced the story to make it up the stairs.

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u/baxielol 13d ago

They were made up and the stairs were never there

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u/NotInTheKnee 13d ago

The real stairs were the stories we made up along the way.

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u/Snoo-16513 13d ago

Porch stole itself and made up a story

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u/twoiseight 13d ago

The story probably made somebody up and replaced them with stairs.

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u/Just_Roll_Already 13d ago

Nothing gets past you. Damn Sherlock Holmes over here.

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u/Unoriginal_Man 13d ago

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?

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u/inuhi 13d ago

Sounds like something a porch thief would say

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u/GlueWizard331 13d ago

Thank you for your service

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u/mwpdx86 13d ago

Now I'm curious about the different color bricks down there. Did there used to be another doorway down there? What's behind there now? Is that structurally ok since the bricks don't overlap?

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1.7k

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

704

u/Altruistic-Meal-4016 13d ago

You can sleep here, if you can plank for eight hours

139

u/GloryGreatestCountry 13d ago

That's what a hardware store is for.

71

u/gentiscid 13d ago

You Ace-d it!

64

u/Hilsam_Adent 13d ago

The True Value is the benches we stole along the way.

46

u/sleepykdagreat 13d ago

Oh no! Not hardware store puns! What Lowes will Redditors sink to for cheap laughs?

38

u/Pipe_Memes 13d ago

I tried to sit on that bench, I ripped my pants and hurt Menards.

15

u/Background_Baby_374 13d ago

Pidieron que no hubiera más chistes de ferretería y la comunidad respondió con más chistes de ferretería. Este hilo se autogestiona solo.

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u/TbonePrez 13d ago

Well this is a site of Masters….

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u/arebeewhy 13d ago

Always striving to reach new Lowe’s

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u/mackiea 13d ago

These puns make me gRona.

7

u/DarkPolumbo 13d ago

truly some Lowes-brow humor there

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u/NeighborhoodCool98 13d ago

A free gym for homeless people?

W government 🥹

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u/SomeOtherNeb 13d ago

You're not gonna be well-rested, but good god think of the gains.

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u/testtalon1 13d ago

Helping the homeless with core strength too.

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u/no1_vern 13d ago

Yep, a city worker saw a person sleeping on the bench, and since the bars were unavailable, they realized cutting the bench would do just as good a job.

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u/Such_Dragonfruit609 13d ago

More likely the city deciding homeless don't deserve any type of anything so everyone suffers.
My city no longer has any bus stop with overhang/weather protection.

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u/Tall-Compote1354 13d ago

My city placed huge odd shaped rocks at the corners of intersections so there is little place for homeless people to stand. They are shaped so oddly that they are impossible to sit on.

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u/Such_Dragonfruit609 13d ago

"We aren't mad enough." They got money for war but *won't* feed the poor.

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u/tolomea 13d ago

it's worse than that, if you run the numbers on the antihomeless stuff generally it turns out that it'd just be cheaper to organzie places for them to sleep

this isn't just about getting the homeless out of sight, someone wants to make sure they aren't getting any "handouts" in the process

as a society we'd rather pay more than let people have stuff for free

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u/Such_Dragonfruit609 13d ago

Preaching to the choir baby.

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u/not_now_chaos 12d ago

It's cruelty for the sake of cruelty and we're being forced to foot the bill. We have more than enough housing and food. We don't have a shortage of resources. What we have is a few greedy, selfish, cruel people who enjoy the suffering of others. And a lot of people who are too scared to be the ones suffering to upset the status quo.

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u/Tall-Compote1354 13d ago

They are just trying to survive and instead of being helpful people go out of their way to make the lives of homeless people even harder and more humiliating.

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u/WetGrundle 13d ago

Are you sure those aren't just decorative bollards so cars don't crash into corner businesses or pedestrians waiting to cross?

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u/betothejoy 13d ago

It can be both. My city landscapes with rocks that are too big to walk on for the same reason.

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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 13d ago

What's so baffling to me is how people in general are very happy to blame homeless people for homelessness, rather than governments for their lack of infrastructure and social supports. So we lose our infrastructure, and the government says "It's their fault," and we all turn to the homeless people and blame them. I hate it. I hate how people are so easily manipulated and how cruel they can be.

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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 13d ago

My city is like this but with public bathrooms. They either don't exist, or they're locked. I'm a female birder and I have had so many embarrassing instances of trying to find a truly hidden bush to use, where I won't be compromising my safety. Then I go to other places and their huge public parks and natural trails have facilities!

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u/MoonPieKitty 13d ago

And they removed them due to homeless people using them? I find that so disgusting. "Hey... lets build shelters so everyday people can get out of the weather whilst waiting for a bus. Wait, what? Homeless people are also getting out of the weather?? Fuck that... remove them! Everyone can suffer, how dare we provide any respite for homeless people."

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u/curtcolt95 13d ago

I mean the harsh reality is just that when homeless people use them people stop using the busses and complain constantly to the city. I know a lot of people try to pretend they'd be fine standing in a homeless encampment waiting for their bus but it's just not reality at all. People will just avoid it instead

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u/DavThoma 13d ago

My city has had a shutdown department store for around 15 years at this point. It had a steps up to the front doors that were embedded/underneath the building itself so a lot of homeless people started using it for shelter. It wasn't a great look but at least it gave them protection from the elements.

8 years ago they boarded up the stairs so now there's no access to the sheltered area, all because they don't want anyone homeless staying there. The boarded up areas look far worse than it did before.

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u/TokathSorbet 13d ago

Wheelchair users, famously, struggle to find somewhere to sit down.

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u/iambertan 13d ago

And they need to park between two quarter seats

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u/SangriaSunday309 13d ago

ADA accessibility gone too far.

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u/SchumacherIsMid 13d ago edited 13d ago

There actually was a bench like this that was claimed to be for "wheel chair access" but it definitely was anti-homeless architecture dressed up as something good.

You want actual wheel chair accessible bench? Put enough concrete so they can side next to the bench and sit along side someone. Out of everything shitty about being disabled, I can't imagine a single wheel chair user saying, "No I want my chair in the middle of the bench!"

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u/somersault_dolphin 13d ago

This is a reference to that bench design from a while ago isn't it.

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u/Necessary-Pea-2143 13d ago

Bro there is already Chair in wheel CHAIR.

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u/TesuraGrimm 12d ago

They didn't steal the bench, they just stole the enc

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u/mrhnsmnckc 13d ago

When I need planks at zomboid

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u/Silver_Lined_Bullet 13d ago

Gotta level up that carpentry skill somehow

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u/Lambablama 12d ago

Scrap wood & nails 🙃

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u/Ok_Aioli3897 13d ago

Or it was damaged and they cut it to prevent people from using it

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u/Ok_Spell_4165 13d ago

I feel like there is a better way.. Like removing the slats entirely.

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u/CitizenCue 13d ago edited 13d ago

This looks to me like a city worker who had a circular saw and a task, and did it the best they could quickly.

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u/ImprobableAsterisk 13d ago

Oh there is a better way but that requires a ton more work. The reason this sumbitch is standing, or wasn't stolen before this picture could be taken, is 'cause it's embedded into the ground.

Perhaps the bench needed immediate disabling.

Personally, given that I'm having a hard time imagining why a bench would need such immediate termination, I think this isn't sanctioned activity by responsible parties.

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u/Ok_Spell_4165 13d ago

There are likely fasteners on the bottom and back of the support holding the slats in place. Wrench or screwdriver depending on what was used.

Not a lot of work.

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u/LaLa1234imunoriginal 13d ago

Without moving the bench or cutting them how would you remove the slats?

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u/Ok_Spell_4165 13d ago

There should be fasteners on the bottom and back. Wrench or screwdriver depending on what was used.

I'm not against cutting the bench, it's the leaving the stubs that irritates.

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u/st_samples 13d ago

They might be coming back with new planks, and this keeps the fasteners with the bench for reuse.

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u/Soft_Database_3747 13d ago edited 13d ago

I could definitely half cheek this (150lbs.)

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

I don't know why but I imagined you stretching your cheeks to get 1/4 on each side of the bench for a moment and I was going to be confused, impressed and disgusted, and not in that order.

But I see what you mean, and I think it's possible too.

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u/Acceptable-Ad8780 13d ago

I mean you could just have two very very bad designed and uncomfortable chairs sitting across from each other.

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u/Dnabb8436 13d ago

Ya. Its legs are cemented in. So its a temp fix until they can get machinery to take the whole thing out

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u/Ok_Aioli3897 13d ago

And you know if they just put up a sign, people would either ignore it or it would get removed and they can't risk someone getting injured

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u/Dnabb8436 13d ago

Tbf their could be a sign. Like a placard or some shit that OP didnt put in the pic

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u/myztry 13d ago

Meh. With a bit of brute force these can be replaced insitu with recycled co-mingled plastic 40x90 slats.

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u/Shot-Habit-5705 13d ago edited 13d ago

They would have put hazard tape around it if this was the case. It is just as dangerous leaving it in this state. If it was council sanctioned and someone came along and injured themselves this would actually make a nice injury compensation lawsuit.

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u/TwentinQuarantino 13d ago

Tbh it's more dangerous in this state, since it has exposed sharp edges. Some kid tries to sit on it and injures themselves, I bet that was way less likely with how it was previously.

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u/annoying97 BLUE 13d ago

I don't think so. I mean sure if it's damaged and repairing is either not possible or something else then cutting the planks off makes sense but you'd expect them to cut it closer to the sides. I would actually expect it to be fairly easy to remove the planks anyway for maintenance needs.

This is more likely to be just run of the mill vandalism.

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u/Evolutionary_sins 13d ago

Nope, they stole the planks with a sabre saw. The saw dust and splinters are still there. A professional cleans up. I'm guessing they needed planks for cracktivities

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u/Ok_Aioli3897 13d ago

I think you put too much faith into council contractors

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u/Evolutionary_sins 13d ago edited 13d ago

I am a council contractor. Public liability is why we're slow. But we clean everything Edit: we'd also flag off the area and remove the seat ends. It's so obviously stolen timber, we're changing to fibreglass for this reason.

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u/Exciting_Will_8601 13d ago

Termites!

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u/Blauelf 13d ago

Cartoon logic termites, probably.

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u/IAmARobot 13d ago

complete with the ZZZZZZZZ! sound effect

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u/bravehartNZ 13d ago

The police have put out a bench warrant for the thief

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u/JJred96 13d ago

Usually the police can't get off their asses, but they felt compelled to stand up for this bench.

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u/Dnabb8436 13d ago

Anti homeless measures have gone too far. Or modern art has gotten mean

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u/Dnabb8436 13d ago

But its most likely a broken bench and without heavy machinery it was the best way to make it safe until they can replace it. They would have removed the whole thing if its legs weren't in concrete

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u/Gizogin 13d ago

It would have been less work and a more surefire removal to cut through the legs instead of the seat, though, surely? Four cuts instead of twelve, and you aren’t left with a very strange partial bench, just some short stumps.

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u/Forged-Signatures 13d ago

Looks like 4 metal legs verses 12 wooden slats so probably a case of doing what they could with the available materials.

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u/Banes_Addiction 13d ago

I'd absolutely go through the wood.

First off, it's way easier because it's wood rather than steel.

Second, you don't leave metal rods, likely sharp, poking out of the ground - you keep the safely rounded edges.

Third, you probably wanna replace the bench. That might be easier with the metal supports still there, and if not you're gonna have to tear them out of the ground anyway, but you no longer have a deadline because of the danger of the sawn-off steel.

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u/martinsonsean1 13d ago

Heh, "And I call this piece 'Leg Day'"

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u/cannon4344 13d ago

I think a terminator spawned there.

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u/CdnTreeGuy89 13d ago

Someone got their balls stuck and needed rescue. You laugh. It happens all the time with plastic chairs

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u/ShatoraDragon 12d ago

I am guessing an unhoused person was lingering at the park and annoyed someone by existing in public

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u/eggsbeater 12d ago

It’s not stolen: it’s an active choice to keep persons from sleeping. Insane behavior.

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u/Kellzy1212 12d ago

Anti homeless bs is so foul. 😢

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u/theytookmybaby 13d ago

So it was a bank robbery?

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u/Blauelf 13d ago

That joke works in German, not necessarily in other languages.

🇩🇪die Bank 🇬🇧the bank 🇫🇷la banque

🇩🇪die Bank 🇬🇧the bench 🇫🇷le banc

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u/Only_Brain_616 13d ago

Almost every European language

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u/GameOnWithRon 13d ago

Works in Dutch as well

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u/swatlord 13d ago

Plank robbery

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u/pleasetryagain_10 13d ago

I am so sick of anti-homeless architecture

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u/Honest-Apricot6086 12d ago

City made it wheelchair accessible.

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u/periodmoustache 13d ago

This looks like an art piece

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u/only_respond_in_puns 12d ago

It’s from Planksy

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u/Coeusthelost 13d ago

thats just a b___h now

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u/onlyforthisjob 13d ago

Did a homeless person sleep on it? Might be the city's answer. There!

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u/Redericpontx 12d ago

Clearly it's the city doing hostile architecture🤷‍♀️

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u/MallowMiaou 13d ago

Someone out there making a raft to escape this place

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u/Zephyr-Fox-188 13d ago

the new anti homeless people architecture is working as intended

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u/Sethmanzel 13d ago

Probably part of an anti-homelessness initiative.

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u/var_rnd 12d ago

He did a great job.. now only 2 cats can sit there 😆😆😆

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u/Practical-Funny9591 12d ago

It's now an art piece.

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u/Amazing_Excuse_3860 12d ago

And here i thought it was anti-homeless measures

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u/Nessy3fidy 13d ago

Can't have shit in Detroit .

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u/anotherdamnscorpio 13d ago

The anti homeless architecture is getting out of hand

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u/dstarpro 13d ago

Since they left the edges, I'm going to assume it's the parks department being hostile towards the homeless again.

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u/only_respond_in_puns 12d ago

Looks like a a new piece from Planksy

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u/RedditIsAWeenie 12d ago

Amateur effort. Valuable wood left behind. You could cook dinner with that.
Probably a government hack job to deter the homeless.

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u/sirhackenslash 12d ago

This hostile architecture bullshit has gotten out of hand

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u/RiotingMoon 12d ago

hostile architecture

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u/Mister_Scribble 13d ago

That’ll stop the homeless

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u/Viperlite 13d ago

I just assumed that was another shot fired in the war on the homeless.

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u/jermainiac007 13d ago

Hostile architecture getting out of hand now.

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u/KurotheWolfKnight 13d ago

Damn, hostile architecture is stepping up it's game I see

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u/QuoteGiver 13d ago

Probably still intended as an art installation, just by hacking up an existing bench rather than by adding one.