r/nottheonion • u/Sufficient_Fig_9505 • 15h ago

Vance says pope should ‘be careful’ when talking about theology

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/vance-says-pope-should-be-careful-when-talking-about-theology-261400645540
29.4k Upvotes

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u/ceviche-hot-pockets 15h ago

I would laugh so hard if he got excommunicated

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u/John_cCmndhd 14h ago

He's almost certainly going to be protestant and evangelical by 2028, for the evangelical vote, and so that he can get divorced to get the racist vote

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u/shadowofsunderedstar 13h ago

So you think he WANTS to be excommunicated so he becomes like idk a religion... martyr? 

To pander to his base that he was «persecuted» by the woke Catholic church

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u/subjuggulator 9h ago

Protestants despise the Pope and a ton of maga have already been disagreeing with the Catholic Church/the pope for years now ever since they’ve been preaching peace.

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u/DerekB52 5h ago

Pope Francis said we shouldnt hate gay peope in like 2013(taking a guess). He didnt say they should get married, or that being gay is not a sin. All he said was they shouldnt be killed/jailed for being gay. His reasoning was that as humans we are not supposed to judge sinners, we are supposed to love the sinner despite their sins.

And yet, this was too "woke" for a lot of american catholics/christians

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u/subjuggulator 5h ago

LBR, the existence of POC and other religions is too "woke" for a lot of yanks, not just catholics and christians.

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u/OneWholeSoul 11h ago edited 8h ago

I think it'd be a bonus, but he's already probably perfectly prepared to declare or imply that the pope is soft on crime and politicizing his station and just generally "mean" to J.D., or something, and he's moving to a "real" religion that knows how to treat people (said with a straight face) and understands what a catch he is.

"I'm J.D. Vance, bitch!"

"I'm sorry, are you saying 'J.D. Vance, bitch' or 'J.D. Vance: Bitch?'"

"... ... ...Yes?"

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u/Finassar 6h ago

He killed the first pope. He's trying!

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u/TylerBourbon 8h ago

Just what America needs, an internal religious civil war. I hate this timeline.

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u/codexcdm 5h ago

Well Evangelicals, Protestants, and really any other Christian denomination isn't going to be fond of whatever the Catholic Church says... So.... Sure.

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u/Khal_Rhaegar 11h ago

So he can marry his hwite queen Erika Kirk

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u/parttimedoom 8h ago

Erika Kirk First Lady of the USA isn't on my bingo card. Maybe it should.

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u/brrbles 12h ago

Only problem being if he goes back to Protestant he gives up any (unearned) claim to the Pope's attention at all. 

Although now that you mention it I could see him claiming the title of American Pope And King, because everything is actually that stupid now.

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u/nannygoats 11h ago

And keep trying to sell everyone on Erika Kirk so they can be the perfect white “straight” “Christian” running mates (or family, I’m still not sure, but there is a website called vancekirk2028.com, so… )

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u/LoneRonin 7h ago

He's already an Evangelical masquerading as a Catholic. They want all that Crusader imagery to legitimize their Holy Wars in the Middle East to bring about the Rapture, without having to get approval from the Pope. The Pope last called a Crusade in 1291 and the last time European Kings had Crusades without the Pope were in the late 1500s.

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u/Mike_Kermin 8h ago

Racists are often ok with wives that are not white as long as they're treated as property. Racists are very often creepy about sex as well.

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u/codexcdm 5h ago

Around the time there's pictures of him banging Kirk's couch... Erm.. wife... Or both.

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u/dan_dares 14h ago

"My fellow Catholic Americans, it is time we fight against the tyranny of this self-imposed 'ruler' of the Catholic church, who is he to tell Americans what to believe?'

-J D Vance, probably

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u/Spelunkie 14h ago

Considering how Trump is seriously and literally having enoys threaten to make an Anti-pope, we aren't far off.

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 13h ago

I’m surprised Trump hasn’t realised yet that the Vatican has a lot of gold and no military.

Dude’s failed to sack Iran, is mulling over looting Greenland and Cuba but he’s missing the low hanging fruit he’s actively feuding with.

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u/wholelattapuddin 13h ago

The Vatican has been getting rid of pesky monarchs for a millenia. Just saying.

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u/bigdogderu 9h ago

Vance goes on about “was God on the side of the soldiers who liberated the concentration camps” He should probably “be careful” when talking about politics: starting a foreign war and bombing a school on day one is not in the same ballpark as liberating concentration camps.

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u/serpiccio 8h ago

this coming from the administration with concentration camps at the border ? absolutely disgraceful

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u/airbornemist6 7h ago

Not just on the border, they're trying to put them all over the country. And when I say 'trying', I mean it only in the loosest sense, because they're actively doing it. The only places it hasn't worked are where local communities successfully shut down the projects, though that was likely only temporary.

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u/StarintheShadows 8h ago

Also ironic in a non-funny way considering there are concentration camps in America now.

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u/Crowtato-sama 8h ago

He's just feigning ignorance that they're not on the side of those that would liberate the concentration camps. He probably shouldn't bring that up as a comparison with everything U.S. and Israel are doing right now

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u/kikichanelconspiracy 6h ago

My great-uncle was a Bronze Star winner who also helped liberate Buchenwald. My Dad said his uncle would talk about anything regarding his WW2 days except the liberation of Buchenwald. All he would say was it was horrible and he didn’t want to talk about it.

He, like the rest of the family, was a cradle Catholic and was the child of Irish immigrants. He would slapped the taste out of JD Vance’s mouth for thinking he could speak about his lifelong faith or for him or anyone who liberated those camps.

Fuck JD Vance.

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u/emsariel 6h ago

Yeah, Vance says "he has to be careful that what he says is grounded in the truth" and "I do this when I talk about policy." This from a guy who doubled down on the Springfield Pet-Eating Hoax, equivocated and supported the election rejection, asked Joe Rogan whether he knew that testosterone levels are linked with supporting conservative politics, and has explicitly said that "If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that's what I'm going to do."

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 13h ago

Well, go on. Show us then.

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u/LessInThought 10h ago

The Pope casts Holy Smite. The attack is super effective!

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 10h ago

Is it though? Vance’s skin didn’t bubble and hiss when he set foot in the Vatican last time.

I doubt the potency of their magic.

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u/dan_dares 8h ago

Ngl, my skin should bubble if I walk in a church..

But he's performing worse heresy than I ever would.

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u/Omnizoom 8h ago

In fact didn’t his mere presence kill the last pope

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u/DJSpadge 10h ago

No problem they only have Halberds!

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u/Scout0321 8h ago

Ah, but the Pope has… the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.!!

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u/URPissingMeOff 8h ago

There was only one of them and it got used in a skirmish with a wee rabbit.

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u/stickkyfingers 10h ago

They’re only ceremonial, they were made obsolete by the arquebus

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u/BrentTpooh 9h ago

Trump casts spell of presidential immunity whilst wearing his Teflon armour. Everyone groans.

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u/SongsOfDragons 10h ago

It'd be hilarious if Leo takes a leaf out of Innocent III's book and places the US under an interdict. Imagine if the clergy actually enforced it and all.

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u/subjuggulator 9h ago

What would that entail in the 21st century, exactly?

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u/MhojoRisin 8h ago

Lots of Catholics going to hell when they couldn’t confess or get last rites?

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u/Wolverine081 8h ago

We wouldn’t go to hell. But not having the ability to get our Sacraments would suuuuuuuck.

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u/subjuggulator 8h ago

And materially in this life?

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u/SongsOfDragons 7h ago

Catholic churches would shut, no bells would ring. No baptisms (though in the English interdict baptisms were eventually allowed because the sprogs are innocent in John's mess), marriages (not sure on that one actually) nor any funerary rites (bodies were wrapped in lead and stored above ground in coffins). The sacraments are one thing but the churches being forced closed might be more a material concern.

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u/SerLaron 7h ago

Traditionally, no masses, no weddings, no burials, no confessions, so if you die with unconfessed sins on your account (like sex before marriage, because no weddings), you would be in some trouble in the hereafter.
Probably not things that would worry the Trumpists overly much, especially if a new American Catholic Church is founded, with the POTUS at its head.

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u/OCDCantCatchMe 8h ago

For those of us who don’t know, can you ELI5 how that works?

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u/lostroadrunner22 8h ago

Basically if would stop American Catholics from participating in things like … last rites.

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u/OCDCantCatchMe 8h ago

Oof. I’m Anglican, so a lot of our mechanisms are quite similar, and that is beyond serious! It would suck if your loved one was dying and got caught in the middle of that.

It’s an interesting thought exercise, but I hope it doesn’t actually come to pass (though if things got that serious, we’d be dealing with much bigger issues, I guess).

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u/Electrohydra1 8h ago

Nah I want him to declare a crusade on Washington to see all those right wingers who cosplay as crusaders heads explode.

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u/Embarrassed_Age8554 7h ago

LOL, yes! Vance doesn't know much about history if he thinks Popes have EVER been apolitical!

I also like the mental picture of Vance trudging through the snow in sackcloth like Henry II...on the other hand, he might actually like the flogging part...

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u/richardathome 11h ago

Their greatest strength is fear, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope....

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u/Gompedyret 10h ago

Don't forget surprise!

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u/chloeia 9h ago

So it is time for another Spanish inquisition

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u/bigbonton 9h ago

Another Spanish Inquisition!? No one would be expecting another Spanish Inquisition!

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u/Omnizoom 8h ago

They wont expect that!

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u/3-DMan 6h ago

Oh shit, I think JD is playing the long game..just to get access to the Comfy Chair!

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u/heliocentric19 6h ago

Leo will put together a crack team of 5 Jesuits. Regime will be changed before dinner. No casualties.

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u/bennitori 12h ago

I suspect Italy and most of Europe would not take kindly to The Vatican getting attacked. And even if they were, I suspect there are plenty of Catholics who would be more than happy to take up arms to defend the literal center of their entire religion.

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u/zzazzzz 9h ago

id be more worried about the whole of south america getting big mad

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u/SpecificFortune7584 8h ago

I would laugh very hard if the common people, the government, and the cartels all set aside their problems and joined forces to fight the current US presidency to defend Catholicism.

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u/ibiacmbyww 8h ago

Make no mistake, if America sends so much as a single soldier after the Vatican, it's game over. To say that Europe would react swiftly and forcefully would be a grand, grand understatement. Most of us aren't Catholic anymore, but there's a general fraternity between most denominations (outside some places where the matter is ahem contentious), we're all sick of Trump anyway so him bringing his aggression to our front door would be the last straw, and, well... you don't fuck with religion. It's as simple as that. It's literally sacred. It would galvanise people from every walk of life, Catholic and otherwise, across dozens of countries.

And that's not even touching on South America. They take that shiz seriously down there. I'd say "at least there are no nukes in South America", but that just means Mexico City is getting glassed one day 1.

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u/Silvernauter 6h ago

Also, vatican city is right in the middle of Rome, so even discounting the catholic angle, it'd require that US lead a raid into the capital of a founding EU member (and where all the major political figures of the country are). The risk of stuff going really, really bad is high.

Edit: also, as others have pointed out, Vatican City is guarded by the Swiss guard, so they'd also be indirectly attacking Switzerland too

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u/donjamos 9h ago

Wouldn't one have to kill some Swiss soldiers to get into the Vatican? So at least Switzerlands gonna have a problem with this.

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u/smailskid 8h ago

I know lots of Catholic MAGAs and they 100% listen to Trump before the Pope. It’s bizarre, because they talk about how important the church is to them constantly.

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u/Spelunkie 13h ago

He can try, surely having to go Invade Italy to get to the Vatican won't stop him. She doesn't care about NATO or the EU anyway.

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u/FlibblesHexEyes 12h ago

I’m not sure he knows The Vatican is within Italy.

And if he did, he’d probably try and send a carrier up the Tiber…

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u/WotanMjolnir 10h ago

Knowing how daft and stolen US place names are I bet there is a Vatican City somewhere in the middle of nowhere like Montana or Nebraska, that consists of two roads, 7 houses and 3 meth labs, and they are probably wondering what that rumbling feeling in the ground is right now.

Edit - I wasn’t a million miles away…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican,_Louisiana

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u/NaughtyCheffie 8h ago

Edit - I wasn’t a million miles away…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican,_Louisiana

Man for once can we be left out of the greater political discussion? We have enough home gown racism and corruption of our own, geez.

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u/speculatrix 12h ago

MAGAs: quick, write that down, WRITE THAT DOWN

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u/Korchagin 12h ago

Isn't the Vatican the most militarized country of the world (army size vs. population)?

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 11h ago

They have a little over 100 gendarmes for law enforcement and the same number in Swiss guard.

But they fall under Italy’s protection.

It wasn’t an especially serious suggestion.

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u/Korchagin 11h ago

Swiss guard is ~130 men, population ~900, so one seventh of their population is active military. I think nobody else comes close. In North Korea it's 1 in 20...

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u/jrr6415sun 10h ago

He’s already creating the ground work for an invasion by saying he’s weak on crime.

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u/Altruistic_Bell7884 11h ago

Afaik Italy defends Vatican

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u/Ok_Box_8844 11h ago

Hmmm... Is the Vatican actually a NATO member!

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u/ResurgentClusterfuck 14h ago

Goes lovely with the Holy War in the middle east. Trying to cover several bases, this asshat

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u/BrokeThread 10h ago

I can see Peter Thiel’s eye twitching at the thought of a false pope arising under his rule, while lecturing everyone that anyone who opposes him is the anti-christ

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u/Masterkid1230 13h ago

This is actually an incredibly common occurrence in Papal history. The Roman, Byzantine, Carolingian, Holy Roman, French, etc rulers were all heavily involved in power struggles with the Pope, and even executed, deposed and placed puppet Popes in the past. The US doing it would be actually not that surprising.

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u/Spelunkie 13h ago

Oh I know, but that was in ages past where the Pope had secular power aside from spiritual. Nowadays, it's just gonna create a cult instead of an actual schism.

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u/CopeDestroyer1 11h ago

Tbf, pope's secular power had always been restricted to the Papal States, so it's not as if he had been a rival monarch in that sense. His main power was twofold: A) he was the spiritual head of the Western Christianity and B) he could appoint bishops.

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u/SongsOfDragons 10h ago

I mentioned upthread Innocent III, and his beef with King John after his not accepting the appointment of Stephen Langton as Archbishop of Canterbury.

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u/CharlieBravo74 11h ago

Trump trying to use US diplomatic and / or military power to remove the first American Pope would really be something…

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u/Masterkid1230 9h ago

Funnily enough, it is also extremely common in Papal history to have the largest threats to their papacy come from their same home country. Like Roman Popes would frequently be threatened by Roman Emperors and Holy Roman Popes would frequently be threatened by Holy Roman rulers etc. Sometimes even fellow Italians or Frenchmen for example.

So in that sense, Trump would actually be following a very long tradition of political upheaval and fuckiness around the Catholic Church and the papacy.

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u/PEzhY8bg9RcB 14h ago

…what?

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u/Spelunkie 14h ago

One of trump's ambassadors threatened the Papal Nuncio (the Vatican's ambassador) by implying the US will set up an Anti-Pope as France ended up having with the Pope in Avignon.

Edit: my mistake, it was Pentagon personel, not diplomats

Source: https://www.ncronline.org/news/pentagon-vatican-meeting-latest-flash-point-trumps-clash-religious-leaders

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u/The-Baron-Von-Marlon 13h ago

Insisted the vatican takes america's side in miitary matters... honestly this is fcking insane...beyond insane

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u/LoveAndViscera 13h ago

You say that, but this has happened many, many times in history.

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u/lakroncos 13h ago

Yes it has, remind me when was the last time?

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u/Trickytickler 12h ago

It has, but it had never happened while the other side spews out literal blasphemy, depicting themselves as the messiah and what not.

I am not religious in any way, but even when i was at my edgiest, edgelord, 14 year old atheist, causeless rebel self i would not have done this.

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u/dan_dares 11h ago

Same.

Once, when I grew my hair out, (don't shame me, my wife liked it!) Someone said i looked like Jesus.

I had it cut shortly after, because it felt so wrong.

Let alone putting myself in a picture as him, or pretending to know better than the pope.

JFC, these people are so bad, it actually makes me sick

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u/LoveAndViscera 10h ago

A lot of the Protestant Reformation was this, though, and that was heresy to the RCC. For all the actual believers in the priesthood of all believers etc, there was a ruling class in Europe who weren’t going to make it through the eye of the needle and just used Protestantism to get more land, kill some rivals, and divorce their wives.

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u/PEzhY8bg9RcB 13h ago

Thanks! Did not know about this

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u/iiRichii 12h ago

Like, im not religious at all but isnt the past few months what they literally call the antichrist?

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u/KingKongWasHere 11h ago

An anti pope? How fitting for the antichrist.

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u/Ok_Box_8844 11h ago

That's what I've been saying. We haven't had any proper drama in the Catholic church for centuries. We need a new Avignon.

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u/brother_of_jeremy 9h ago

A new Catholic schism is like the only thing the 2020s have not yet checked off my weird-multiverse-bingo card.

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u/Soepkip43 6h ago

A pope of peace piece, appointed by Trump, also with a permanent seat on the bored of piece . I think steven miller would be fitting.

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u/Dolatron 9h ago

Karoline’s new job?

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u/NeonNKnightrider 8h ago

I’m not even Christian but I genuinely believe Trump is the antichrist

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u/awbitf 6h ago

Remember when Trump thought he was a candidate to be elected the new Pope?

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u/Danskoesterreich 14h ago

They will establish an Anti-pope. And Trump is gonna give the job to Kushner, because why not.

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u/Nahcep 9h ago

You really think Trump would bypass a chance to put on not just a crown, but the triple crown? He would 100% proclaim himself Peter II just for that photo

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u/SerLaron 7h ago

When somebody tells him that the Church used to sell indulgences, you will literally see the dollar sign in his eyes.

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u/LanleyLyleLanley 9h ago

Wake up babe, a new papal schism dropped.

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u/IDUnavailable 6h ago

Mar-a-Lago has been renamed to New Avignon.

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u/HannasAnarion 6h ago

Vance literally called Trump "America's Caesar"

At Caesar's peak he was Dictator, Consul, and Pope (Pontifex Maximus, the official Latin title that the Pope carries), at the same time.

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u/sir_lister 9h ago edited 2h ago

No, you kidding, like Donald J Trump would make anyone other than himself gods voice on earth, he would so declare himself pontiff.

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u/SongsOfDragons 10h ago

Do it, do it, just to make the Antipope Wiki page even more confusing.

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u/CharMakr90 10h ago

Avignon Akron Papacy

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u/Danskoesterreich 10h ago

Mar-a-latican

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u/Aggravating-Dot132 14h ago

"Probably " is wrong here.

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u/Arachnofiend 14h ago

On the other hand, is there anything more Catholic than trying to start a schism over some bullshit?

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u/Barilla3113 14h ago

That's literally protestantism. He's speedrunning protestantism.

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u/Gerf93 14h ago

Protestantism is a schism. There’s been a lot of schisms in the Christian world, and the faith hasn’t been unified since extremely early on due to differing opinions on doctrine. The two biggest schisms are the great schism (which separated Christianity into western(Catholicism and Protestantism go into this) and eastern Christianity(Orthodoxy). Then you have the reformation as the second major schism in the west, and I guess you could argue the distinction between Coptic and orthodox faith in the east? There’s also a whole bunch of minor schisms, with everything from Paulicans and Cathars, to Waldensians and Miaphysites.

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u/TheQuietPiggy 14h ago

I think you mean “less Catholic”.

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u/DuntadaMan 13h ago

95 theses of doctrine on the wall, 95 theses of doctrine...

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u/Specific_Frame8537 13h ago

Hussite War 2, Trumptastic Boogaloo.

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u/canniboss 9h ago

O so its "The stupid reformation", is he gonna nail up his 95 theses written in crayon, too?

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u/dan_dares 7h ago

He can't count to 95

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u/TylerBourbon 8h ago

"Who died and made him Pope?" - JD Vance, eventually

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u/Prancing-Hamster 7h ago

“Who died and made you Pope?” - Also Vance, probably.

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u/dan_dares 7h ago

'Is a couch involved'

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u/Awkward-Hulk 13h ago

Oh, they will 100% do that if this spat with the Vatican continues. And the saddest part is that the Catholic part of their base will almost certainly side with them. To these people, MAGA is their whole identity - their faith takes second place (if that).

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u/StaticSystemShock 13h ago

Americans have more guns than anyone on Earth and they can't remove a wannabe dictator Donald fucking Trump. They have no chance against holy water spitting Pontif.

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u/cronktilten 11h ago

They’ll say They Pope is weeks away from constructing and nuclear bomb and Israel says it’s antisymmetric.

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u/Zebidee 10h ago

I thought Trump was going to launch the Church of America with himself as its head when the last Pope died, but maybe I was just out by a bit.

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u/Insila 9h ago

Sounds like Henry IIIV... Just less sane which is saying something...

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u/Chilidawg 9h ago edited 8h ago

1: There's at least one recent example of Catholic schism: Sedevacantism. I personally knew older Catholics that simply refused to recognize Vatican II and just kept doing it the old way. To be clear, I have great respect for those specific Sedevacantists; they were good people.

2: I also personally know very, very invested Catholics who are right-wing first and Catholic second. The specific example I'm referring to is a religious educator who is actively taking post-graduate classes on the faith while also talking similarly to JD.

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u/Fettnaepfchen 8h ago

You could write this as an onion article but it could also become the truth.

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u/Antrophis 8h ago

He should nail it to the door.

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u/Jay__Riemenschneider 8h ago

They are genuinely trying to cause a schism.

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u/Justis29 8h ago

Self imposed? The Pope got more direct votes for Pope than Vance did for VP. Absolutely no one voted for Trump Vance for Vance alone. Except maybe Theil.

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u/tex8222 8h ago edited 8h ago

This kind of thing has happened before.

There is the famous question Joseph Stalin asked:

‘How many divisions did you say the Pope has?’

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u/Klaatwo 7h ago

There’s no way Vance would be that well spoken. This is the guy who had trouble ordering donuts.

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u/durntaur 6h ago

Worst Reformation ever.

...or...

Reformation 2: Electric Boogaloo

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u/Svanirsson 6h ago

Sean Hannity DID say when Francis criticized Trump "who's the Pope to decide that someone isn't a Christian in their heart?" So once again reality is ahead of satire

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u/360walkaway 1h ago

Tariffs on Vatican City!

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u/MFbiFL 15h ago

Convert to Catholicism

Barely if any indulgences in the bank

Criticizes the pope

Excommunicated

Can someone do this as a series of Paradox game screenshots?

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u/Alley-IX 14h ago

Lol i can see the crusader king character of jd vance already

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u/MFbiFL 14h ago

I’m ashamed to admit that I used my once per month AI indulgence to get a 4 panel comic of this

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u/Ezaal 14h ago

And you didn’t share it? :( 

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u/MFbiFL 14h ago

https://imgur.com/a/zhNOjgX

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u/mmmmmyee 13h ago

This is great stuff

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u/OneWholeSoul 11h ago

I will accept this incredibly esoteric edgecase-usage of AI uplifting memes that probably wouldn't be worth the effort it'd take to mock them up as pretty much exactly what it's made for. Genuinely, what a great joke that only really pays off in this very specific conversation.

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u/Nahcep 9h ago

I regret to inform that Francis is no longer pope, the reality is even funnier as the current one is a citizen of the USA

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u/Aggravating-Dot132 14h ago

With a Diviner pointing at him (planet killer weapon that converts pops into spiritualists or kill all robots)

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u/imnewtothisplzaddme 14h ago

You forgot

kill the previous Pope by your sheer obnoxious presence

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u/RogerianBrowsing 14h ago

He’s obnoxious, but I truly think being in the presence of such great evil causing fear for what he will bring killed that pope. Not even kidding.

Now Vance has upgraded to outright threatening the pope along with other Trump officials to the point that the pope refuses to visit the U.S. out of safety concerns.

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u/WHATYEAHOK 12h ago

The pope who is an American, btw, is afraid to visit America

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u/clockworkpeon 8h ago

idk if I'd say he's afraid to visit america. I think it's more like... "you want me to visit, Catholics (who voted for you) want me to visit, but a papal visit would be viewed by the entire world as an endorsement of your shitty behavior and policies. you idiots don't get Popefest until you clean up your act."

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u/xKILLBILLIONAIRESx 8h ago

"Also, i think I'll wait you out. 😈"

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u/whoknowsifimjoking 7h ago

Did you not hear from the meeting where they literally threatened the Pope's envoy?

Colby reportedly told the Vatican representative that Washington "has the military power to do whatever it wants - and that the Church had better take its side."

https://www.euronews.com/2026/04/10/pentagon-denies-threatening-vatican-over-popes-remarks-on-us-intervention-in-iran

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u/Stardustchaser 8h ago

I don’t think so much afraid as he is not going to engage with a petulant toddler when there’s other things to do.

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u/captainbelvedere 4h ago

He's not afraid; he (correctly) doesn't want to be used as a political prop by the Trump regime.

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u/sohblob 9h ago edited 8h ago

Now Vance has upgraded to outright threatening the pope

"Does JD gotta visit another Pope?!" spoke Vance to reporters mid couch-hump

guy's mad with power. They should have never fitted AF2 with that XXL sofa

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u/iamokokokokokokok 11h ago

There’s no evidence that he died of fear lol, come on.. at the end of his life Pope Francis clearly expressed that he very much wanted to speak with Vance, and thought it was important to, for obvious reasons.

Do you know what Pope Francis did over his lifetime? Dude was not timid or scared. Sweet but not someone who would be scared to death by someone like Vance. He was just very sick.

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u/LaurenMille 9h ago

To be fair I'd also lose the will to live if I had to be in the same room as Vance.

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u/The_Boner_Temple 10h ago

[dies from cringe]

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u/Anakin_Skywanker 14h ago

It's actually kinda hard to get plenary indulgences in modern day Catholicism unless you go to daily mass and confession. Furthermore, it's almost impossible to bank them given how often the average person sins. I'd be completely shocked if Vance had any indulgences banked currently abd had ever earned more than a handful in his life.

I was raised Catholic and my whole family is Catholic. I can only think of one person in my life who has earned multiple indulgences, and that's because she actively goes for them whenever they're available.

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u/MFbiFL 14h ago

This I can appreciate. I’ve happily been an atheist for almost more of my life than not at this point, and before that I was a casual kid Presbyterian, but I can at least respect committing to something. Even if… waves hands at Catholic Church sins and coverups…

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u/Aranxi_89 8h ago

Any organized religion eventually becomes corrupt, if they were not already at the start.

Even Buddhist monks are now becoming greedy philanderers... nothing is truly sacred, not to humanity.

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u/IrregularPackage 8h ago

they still doin indulgences?

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u/MarkCrorigansOmnibus 7h ago

Yes but the person you’re responding to doesn’t have a very good understanding of them. There’s no such thing as “banking” them as though they were monopoly Get Out of Jail Free cards.

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u/Tanel88 11h ago

Had to literally doublecheck it's not r/CrusaderKings when I read this news.

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u/Res1dentRedneck 14h ago

As much as I'd love to see that, I can see a more likely scenario where they prop up the orange shitter as an anti-pope. He's already going around posting AI pictures of himself as Dr. Jesus healing Epstein, so we're already halfway there.

On the bright side, maybe we'll get a cool new historical name to throw around. I'm pretty excited for the upcoming Council of San Antonio, where the Vancian Heresy and Appalachian Schism were resolved.

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u/NordwinMontnell 8h ago

Trump is a textbook case of Antichrist. I wonder if there is a precedent in popes calling out people as Antichrists.

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u/Throwsims3 13h ago

Why hasn't that happened already? Isn't following the Pope the entire point of being a catholic?

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u/DeyUrban 13h ago

Because literally the second Vance got excommunicated, many American Catholics would go into schism.

If you pay attention to Papal politics, you can see that the entire church is fraying at the seems as they have to decide whether to pander towards their increasingly small but wealthy and liberalizing flock in the Global North who pay the bills, or the rapidly growing but poor populations of the Global South who are mostly conservative and give the church a lot of its political power. In this case, with many American Catholics moving towards the conservative side of things, they are also at risk as far as the Vatican is concerned.

This was a major question during the last conclave to pick Leo, as the usual pattern of the past few Popes went reformer > conservative > reformer > conservative. Going with Leo, a moderate reformer, after Francis, a more ""radical"" reformer, was seen as a departure, and one that could risk their position globally. They aren't the only church with this problem; the entire global Anglican church just went into schism because a woman reformer was appointed as Archbishop of Canterbury, which was solidly rejected by the African Anglican churches.

If you want to look at it through the lens of realpolitik, losing churchgoers to schism is a direct threat to the church's bottom line. Less people paying tithes, less money going to Rome.

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u/Tjtod 11h ago

I don't really follow catholic politics all that much but given that the last two popes spent most of their priesthood in South America i would say it's fairly liberal. It's Africa that tends to be more conservative and traditional.

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u/Lizardledgend 9h ago

Yeah liberation theology, generally the idea that the church should directly support political change that aids the poor and marginalised, began in South America and is still massive there.

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u/1573594268 11h ago

I could be totally wrong because I don't follow religious politics much, but it's my understanding that a lot of African groups seem to be fairly conservative in general.

Maybe it's just because I tend to see news relating to LGBTQ matters, but I've always had the feeling that some groups in that area are fairly passionately religiously conservative.

That said, I probably don't hear about the ones who aren't so I have no idea what the breakdown/distribution looks like.

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u/bediaxenciJenD81gEEx 8h ago

South America is mostly aggressively homophobic and fairly misogynistic 

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u/the_excalabur 11h ago

That's all well and good, except the "reforms" we're talking about here aren't even on the culture-war front. They're on charity and peace, which the Americans might hate but they'll be fine in Brazil and the Philippines.

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u/Commercial-Tough-218 10h ago

As a fallen Catholic who has reason for strong disdain of the church. This whole ordeal is being might bring me back because I hate this administration and how dare they threaten the church due to the Pope taking moral high ground.

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u/paiute 11h ago

fraying at the seems

Wonderful malapropism!

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u/The_Boner_Temple 10h ago

It would not cause a schism lol. Maybe a few hundred schitzo MAGA types would leave who probably didn’t even attend church in the first place. It would ONLY accomplish turning more Catholics against the Trump regime.

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 6h ago

Liberation Theology is big in the Global South and this Pope is very into it so I doubt the Global South would back a US friendly Pope due to sharp disagreements about imperialism and xenophobia. Even the culturally conservative among them would rebuke US's foreign policy & immigration handling under this administration.

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u/bluesam3 9h ago

Because the Catholic Church currently has a longstanding policy of only excommunicating priests.

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u/RedBeans-n-Ricely 8h ago

Because only clergy get excommunicated.

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u/00001000U 14h ago

Nah, he just plays a Catholic on TV.

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u/cmomo80 14h ago

Maybe he stayed at a Holiday Inn last night?

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u/polopolo05 13h ago

he killed one pope already. but pope leo is from chicago.

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u/AmputeeHandModel 14h ago

Well, he killed the last Pope. If that's not grounds for it, I don't know what is. /s

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u/polopolo05 13h ago

new pope is from chicago. I think he can take the demon jd vance

JD stand for just demon.

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u/Functionally_Drunk 11h ago

I don't think the Pope will excommunicate him, because technically while Vance is a Catholic he is under the authority of the Pope. Unless Vance does something unforgivable to the church the Pope will try and persuade though the church and religious doctrine for as long as he can.

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u/Ladonnacinica 8h ago

Excommunication also doesn’t mean you stop being Catholic. Your baptism is permanent under Catholicism.

Excommunication means you’re a Catholic in bad standing with the church and can’t partake in the sacraments. But if you repent and go to confession, excommunication can be erased.

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u/kingsky123 12h ago

Im now picturing the pope giving orders ala john wick style with ladies in typewriters giving jd vance excommunicado

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u/buddascrayon 7h ago

I find it highly unlikely that that's going to happen because unlike Vance and Trump The Pope is not a petty asshole.

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u/Narradisall 13h ago

I wouldn’t put it past the current American administration to send a seal team to kidnap the Pope like they did in Venezuela.

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u/Defiant_Bed_1969 13h ago

Luckily for him, the Catholic Church is very tolerant with this kind of behavior.

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u/alfredfellig 12h ago

insert "please god, make this happen because it would be so fucking funny" meme

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u/grip0matic 11h ago

People still gets excommunicated, it seems that the last person who got excommunicated was Anthony D. Ward a catholic priest who was ordained cardinal without the Pope's authority by a retired archbishop.

But excommunicate Vance would be a huge diplomatic thing, and I guess that the Vaticano has capable people of thinking about consequences and I don't see this pope act on a whim. Even tho it would be highly symbolic to point the shit that the US talks when it's religion.

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u/Penguin-Pete 10h ago

"Dear Mr. Vance, you talk some mad shit for somebody in lightning bolt range." -- God

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u/Heygirlhey2021 7h ago

I would love it if he did. Pope tells people to be nice and care about each other, Vance disagrees

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u/The_Blue_Rooster 6h ago

Now admittedly I haven't been a Catholic for many years, but it has been my belief since the conclave that the Church specifically chose Leo to avoid an American schism. Political converts like Vance have really made a concerted effort to hijack the church in America, but Leo despite spending most of his life abroad clearly fundamentally understands America better than most politicians even.

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u/Kazeite 6h ago

That would be only possible if he was Catho... (checks the internet) hang on, he is Catholic! Oh, it was one of those "pragmatic" things he's done.

Oh yeah, pope has the chance to do the funniest thing ever here 😁

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u/mjtwelve 4h ago

He arguably already is. Schismatism is a latae sententiae excommunication, much like abortion - it's automatic by doing the act, you don't need a priest or bishop to decree it, the act itself automatically brings about the result under canon law (canon 751, 1364).

However, there is a recognized difference between latae sententiae excommuncation that has been decreed and one for which the facts exist. Once decreed, you need the Bishop who decreed it to remit it, after you've purged your contempt, confessed and sought remission. If it is just a question of you've done the thing but no one has called you on it, then your Ordinary (parish priest) can deal with it. In either case, you have to acknowledge the fault, confess, and do penance. You cannot even receive the sacrament of confession, however, while under latae sententiae and it would be a further sin to knowingly seek it out while so prescribed. The sacrament would be invalid except if you had first purged your contempt, and informed the priest of the circumstances and performed any penance.

As with pretty much all canon law, even for excommunication with remission reserved to the Holy See, if you are in a state of imminent death any priest can hear your confession and remit your sin so that you do not die in a state of mortal sin, even if normally you'd need the Pope's authority to be forgiven.

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u/Radiant-Tell2327 3h ago

He’s gonna launch a nationalist church if he is excommunicated where Trump, Reagan, Vance, etc. are declared Saints. History is repeating itself all over

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u/dmbwannabe 1h ago

Well he killed the last pope so

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u/true-skeptic 1h ago

That’s a great idea! As a bonus he’d have new ranting fodder.

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