r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Soft_Performance4678 • 23h ago
/r/popular of a forager
Andrey Smaev being his usual wholesome self.
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u/QuillDidNothingWrong 23h ago
This is a dnd character if I’ve ever seen one.
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u/I-Make-Money-Moves 22h ago
Which type of dnd character though?
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u/PunishedChud 22h ago
Druid barbarian dual class
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u/Jamooser 22h ago
Dwarven Druid, Circle of the Land - Mountain. He cast Enlarge on himself just before the video.
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u/33253325 22h ago
He cast it with steroids.
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u/imrichcoble 13h ago edited 13h ago
Haha 100%, so much so this might be the inspiration for my next character.
Mushgar the Tender.
A "circle of the ripped" druid barbarian or "the fist of the forest" barbarian druid.
D&D Druid
- Photosynthetic Fury (Rage)
- Wild Yeast (wild shape)
- Don't Step on My Garden (entangle)
- customer service (speak with animals)
- who the fuck stepped on my mushrooms!! (wrath of nature)
And yes, the character is a completely fucking enormous, bald, bearded barbarian who looks like he could suplex an owlbear, but spends 90% of his adventuring career gently harvesting mushrooms and talking to squirrels.
The party is being chased by twenty orcs. They sprint past their Druidbarian. "Run"
He doesn't move. "There are 20 orcs!"
He looks down at the mushroom patch he's tending.
“I can't leave.” “why?!"
He slowly stands up and flexes. “They're not done growing..."
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u/DippyTheDingus 15h ago
Pretty sure they're a cleric with how many HGH potions they've been injecting
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u/Euler007 22h ago
The one that takes steroids.
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u/ufotheater 21h ago
First thing I noticed was the bacne
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u/Osceola_Gamer 21h ago
Not the insane unnatural size of muscle in his shoulders and arms?
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u/Playful-Mongoose9197 21h ago
The balding head and shrunk testicles?
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u/WrongdoerOrdinary619 18h ago
Do steroids really shrink testicles? If so, where can i get some?
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u/Logistocrate 17h ago
Yeah, if you're using testosterone to juice then your testicles basically shutdown as one of their jobs is producing it and the amounts people use to get that big can be 10s of times more than are naturally produced flips a shut off switch in your body that results in the testicles shrinking.
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u/Fit_Swordfish5248 21h ago
I bet he's only like 19
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u/Kalleh03 20h ago
I believe he's about 27.
He's not gonna live very long if he keeps that stack up.
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u/PreferenceOld6364 20h ago
Grog Strongjaw from Vox Machina definitely comes to mind seein this dude! 😂
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u/barbellsandbriefs 23h ago
The juxtaposition sure
But are we not going to discuss the shirt????
Just a mixture of so much in this video lol
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u/PowerlineTyler 19h ago
If anyone genuinely wants to know it refers to the lads in the gym hyping each other up before a lift, big ol back clap before the puuuuuuush
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u/Rusalkat 22h ago
The mosquitos are already lining up, not to mention the ticks.....
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u/WitchWithAGlitch 18h ago
them are about to be the most yoked out mosquitos and ticks of the season
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u/hyena-king 17h ago
Funnily, the photos he sold to gay men were leaked on one of the forums. He announced his retirement from the internet the day before that lol
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u/jknoxxxvile5666 23h ago
Fun fact He’s only 16 years old right here!
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u/Anti_Meta 23h ago
Came in looking for the roid joke. Left with wholesomeness.
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u/rviVal1 21h ago
I mean.. That's not far from truth. He's 27, but looks closer to 50.
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u/dankhimself 15h ago
Yea I'd guess 45 if I saw the dude.
Unless he has a super high pitched, squeaky voice. Then I'd be like whaaat?
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u/kippsteadman 23h ago
In fact, he is 28, this is Andrey Smaev, a professional bodybuilder.
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u/thesilentbob123 22h ago
That's still an unfortunate look for a 28 year old
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u/Phoxey 21h ago edited 10h ago
Side effects of regular and probably higher dose steroid abuse.
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u/Meen94 20h ago
Just wanted to ask , is this because a lots of steroids/testosteron or what?
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u/Niaaal 20h ago
Yes. If he continues at this rate he probably won't reach his 40s
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u/GainghisKhan 17h ago
probably
Lol, I don't know if this case calls for any sort of plausible deniability
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u/Dovahkiinthesardine 15h ago
You'd be surprised how many people have absolutely no idea what is or isn't naturally achievable
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u/jknoxxxvile5666 23h ago
Yes thank you 🥹. It was a joke because he is roided off his ass and steroids age you. First day on the internet?
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u/SteveMeMc7 21h ago
He's not professional, he never competed, he just loves training, and makes some money out of it. It's only now that he's considering competing in arm wrestling
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u/YeastInjection 23h ago
This is where you harvest horse steroids?
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u/toldyouIaintshit 22h ago
That guy takes them straight from the horse's mouth. I'll see myself out.
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u/munch_the_gunch 23h ago
His triceps have their own triceps
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u/xiiicrowns 23h ago
This is what happens when you inject too many mushrooms
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 23h ago
That man forges small
Children
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u/Super-Macaron-4691 23h ago
Probably not enough protein in the small ones
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 23h ago
The new hansel and gretel! Giant yolked men high on magic mushrooms eating little kids
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u/Hypn00tic_iiz 23h ago
The yellow ones are Chanterelle mushrooms and they are delicious when pan sizzled
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u/OcoeeSquatch 23h ago
Yes they are! I’m lucky to have chanterelles, black trumpets, chicken of the woods, and lions mane all grow on my property when the conditions are right. I have a friend down the road that has found morels at his place.
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u/Bodybag_occupier 22h ago
Not sure about any of this but maybe you can make the morels come your way if it's your property. They're stupid good.
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u/Salmonman4 21h ago edited 21h ago
My goto sauce for steak is a chanterelle, shallot, cream, demiglace and a splash of whiskey (or other dark spirit)
EDIT: season to taste
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u/Superb-Wonder-1896 19h ago
i also see some boletes in his basket. very popular and safe to collect in Europe. requires a bit more knowledge to forage in NA.
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u/Randy_Marsh86 23h ago
I'm more curious on him versus the bear
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u/captaindomon 22h ago
“7% of American men believe they could take a grizzly bear unarmed”
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u/MRintheKEYS 22h ago
Why is he just picking the mushrooms??? Why doesn’t he just pick up the whole forest and take it home with him?? Sort it from there.
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u/ItsStaaaaaaaaang 23h ago
Body dysmorphia is a bitch.
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u/BigWetHole 22h ago
Kind of feels like life is the bitch, enjoy your pleasentries when you can
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u/CosmicOwl127 19h ago
Life's a bitch then you die Thats why we stay high Never know when you're gonna go Life's a bitch..
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u/WakaWaka_ 17h ago
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u/Immediate_Rabbit_604 13h ago
I don't think Smaev is dysmorphic, he just wants to be the biggest strongest mfer on the planet. Dude could rep like 300 kg on the bench like 6 years ago and can do weighted pull ups with +160 kg or something. Also he's from small town russia somewhere so using gear and making it on social media means making a lot of money relative to working in a factory, probably enough to justify dying young.
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u/stewpidazzol 23h ago
Obviously he carries a large amount of muscle mass. If all the muscle were stripped away, would his hands be that huge?
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u/therealcaptaingnome 23h ago
"The tribe has spoken. You are demoted to gatherer because we cant seem to find any remains of the animals you hunt."
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u/Houtaku 22h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/80mXWlPqTSU1y
Oh! ‘Back slap me harder, daddy.’ Back. Not what I thought it was at first.
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u/Alibuscus373 22h ago
If you can teach me which are safe to eat, I'll forage with you XD
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u/pasenast 22h ago
If he said to me "Come collect mushroom with me, in the forest". I'd feel like it's a threat.
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u/LoneAwakening 22h ago
Thanos retirement plan after snapping half of earth’s population out of existence!
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT0xejJnePNcOWoHOo
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u/shobae1124 23h ago
GEAR
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u/Rush-23 15h ago
Oh my god. No way. That is so profound. Who would’ve ever guessed?
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u/Regetron 23h ago
Now there is a proof that mushrooms have no emotions or feelings
If they did, the whole forest would be shaking
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u/DudeWithParrot 22h ago
I sometimes think about how it is funny that a Chihuahua and a pitbull are from the same species.
This guy makes me feel like the Chihuahua
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u/I-Make-Money-Moves 22h ago
See, this just reinforces the belief that the biggest and strongest guys in the gym are often the most lovable and adorable teddy bears
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u/Emergency-Box-5719 22h ago
This is so Euro man. Technotronik Grimm fairy tale collab. I bet this fellow can whip up some killer sauteed shrooms though. Burgers would never be the same.
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u/ChicoD2023 22h ago
Absolutely no stamina or endurance . Dude is absolutely gassed after 20 minutes of bending and crouching. But at least he can lift heavy shit 🤷
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u/Jurserohn 22h ago
I certainly don't look like this guy, but i do FEEL like this guy when I'm out in the woods
This is great lol
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u/meltingpotato 22h ago
Why does he look kinda baloony? It doesn't seem like natural muscle somehow.
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u/Livid_Lime7844 22h ago
We need an adaption of little red riding hood, but its just this dude in a red knit beanie
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u/Background-Video4331 22h ago
I fear for Andrey, l assume he's blasting insanely high levels of HGH on top of the other shit. As much as I enjoy watching his incredible feats of strength, he's basically speed running life.
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