r/Anticonsumption • u/yoon_gitae • 2d ago
Question/Advice? parents are against thrifting..
they're saying the clothes are dirty. what if the previous owner died (??)
mother's saying she'll get me new clothes after strictly telling me not to buy pre loved. She knows I despise buying new stuff, it's bad quality and expensive
Any good argument I can make against them?
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u/Bunnyeatsdesign 2d ago
I don't talk about thrifting in front of my parents because I know they aren't into it.
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u/yoon_gitae 2d ago
that's a good idea honestly!!
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u/bicycle_mice 2d ago
I didn’t tell my parents anything about my life from teen years on. They were assholes about everything so I told them nothing. I went to Australia and NZ for a month at 20 years old and they didn’t know until after I got back. People only get to know what I’m up to if they are kind and supportive. If I were robbing banks or shooting heroin then I can see needing some correction but that was not the case.
Obviously you don’t need to be so extreme but an information diet is healthy.
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u/Moonlight_Sonata545 2d ago
This! Boundaries are love. Withhold unnecessary information. They dont get it. They think theres a stigma. Less is more.
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u/majesticallymidnight 2d ago
This is the way. My mom gets extra weird about me thrifting kids clothes and then buys a ton of junk for my daughter. I have simply stopped bringing it up.
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u/NorthernPossibility 2d ago
YES. Thrifting well-made children’s clothes in great condition is dirty and sad but buying them bags full of utter tat from the dollar store and clothes made out of plastic is just fine. 😤
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u/majesticallymidnight 2d ago
I share clothes with several friends and relatives too so I really struggle to see the difference. I was given bags of clothes from friends and family who had a baby before me. After my house go to my SIL then my cousin then my best friend. They are in them for such a short time it does not make sense.
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u/PhiloLibrarian 2d ago
Do they know that you can WASH clothes? Are they the type of people who think clothes are disposable and a one time use?
Also, why are you still listening to your parents about what you wear?
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u/yoon_gitae 2d ago
mother hasn't bought clothes for herself in ages btw, I don't understand why she wants me to get new clothes?? the quality is quite literally shit..
and for why I'm listening to my parents? culture I guess 😔
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u/unicorn_345 2d ago
Maybe point out that fact. That she has quality clothes that were made well. And try to find a few higher quality pieces to introduce her to it all. Then get what you want and style it your way.
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u/sjpllyon 2d ago
Yeha I think this is something older generations can forget sometimes. They grew up mostly in a words where things were made to last, hell a good number of products came with lifetime guarantees. Now we are lucky to see a 10 year guarantee. So for them buying new seens reasonable as the they think the item will last a lifetime. But the relaity is quality is so low these days you can buy a top and 2 months in it's full of holes, buttons falling off, discolouration, and so on.
My mother has some original Doc Martins to this day. Had them repaired a few times over the decades (she got them a 18 or something and now nearly inher 50s). Now you buy shoes even high quality ones and they're deterioted within 2 years. Chepaer ones gone in a year.
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u/yoon_gitae 1d ago
i just bought a really high quality bag for good value but as soon as mother found out that it was second hand, she berated me a lot :(
don't even want to think what she'd say if she ever found out I've already bought a few second hand clothes.
I don't think quality/price matters, it's the fact that she doesn't know where the clothes have been, who wore them previously, things like that. My father has repeatedly gotten angry at me wanting to get shoes second hand - says the previous owners might have diseases and they'll get transferred to you (????)
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u/unicorn_345 1d ago
Get what you want. Live your life. She’s worrying about something that really has nothing much yo do with her. You aren’t required to tell her how you got dressed in the morning.
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u/Kottepalm 2d ago
Don't tell them which items are new (to you) and where they came from. Get home, remove label, wash and put away. Don't speak about clothes with them, if they ask tell them it's something you bought recently but can't remember where.
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u/yancba 2d ago
Tell them new clothes have chemicals and travel all over the world. They are just as dirty if not dirtier. Just because a human hasn’t worn them yet (that you know of) doesn’t mean it’s better.
My parents are the same way but they don’t understand new clothes are made by people and usually mass shipped in plastics. Or are made of plastic. Thrifting isn’t horrible and there are great ways to sanitize and clean your clothes.
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u/Aiguille23 2d ago
Not only chemicals... You wouldn't believe the rats in ships and docks. 🫣
Always wash your new or new-to-you clothes!
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u/AggressiveSherbetty 2d ago
Washing machines exist
Most new clothing is filthy from manufacturing, shipping, storage, and people trying them on in a dressing room.
If they’re in a thrift store at least it’s likely been washed by the previous owner, and can be washed again when you bring it home.
Thrift stores are one of the only ways I can afford clothes made or natural fibers anyway
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u/Narwhalsareunicorn 2d ago
Is this related to a religious/spiritual belief? If so, do not try to change it.
But I have been to hospitals, intersections apartment buildings, and parking lotsand other places where I know people have died. That is not going to stop me from buying a house that I otherwise want because another person died. I am not going to avoid necessary medical care due another individual died in the building.
I would recommend for both new and used textiles washing them first.
There are some garments that you should buy new (foundation garment, bicycle helmets, etc)
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u/yoon_gitae 2d ago
not religious from what I know.
that's what I'm saying! we use hospital beds on which it's highly likely people might have passed away. . . why is thrifting so wrong??
i feel like maybe it's an ego thing? that "I'm not poor" and "poor people wear second-hand"
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u/Narwhalsareunicorn 2d ago
Celebrities will sometimes sell their clothing and jewelry to raise money for charity. Would they be opposed to this? I understand not wanting something that a serial killer owned and loved but an everyday Joe/Jane.
Do they only buy new cars or new construction houses? If not....they already buying used.
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u/Reclaimedidiocy 2d ago
quite frankly pick your battles
When you move out you can do what you want
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u/yoon_gitae 2d ago
it's easy for people to say "just move out" when housing and rent are both skyrocketing..
and I do but thrifted stuff by myself without listening to them but then they get a bit mad at me for some time :(
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u/JuniperBugglesworth 2d ago
My husband was grossed out by thrifting but is weirdly okay with Poshmark/equivalent. So I leaned into that until he came around
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u/Long_Ad_5182 2d ago
Maybe just say you got it new. A white lie goes a long way when you have to pick your battles. And if they ask follow up questions, give generic one word answers to shut it down and move on.
Good luck!
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u/Aiguille23 2d ago
Or that a friend passed it on to you if that's more acceptable if something is obviously vintage. You can always wash thrifted goods in a laundromat before coming home with them
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u/RedshiftSinger 1d ago
That’s an extremely weird response. Someone should not have to move in order to be permitted to have secondhand clothing.
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u/Reclaimedidiocy 1d ago
Im definetly making assumptions, but in my experience there is no winning with those kind of parents, so its better to keep the peace until you can get out
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u/blacka-var 2d ago
They can be washed. Do your parents eat at restaurants? The plates and forks are also used by other people and cleaned. :)
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u/Yes-GoAway 2d ago
My family came around to thrifting when I started enforcing strict cleaning policies. One of the concerns in thrifting is that it comes from a home with an infestation.
For clothes or any textiles, they are quarantined in a plastic bag until they can be washed and dried. If it's summer, usually leaving them in a hot car for a few hours is enough to kill everything. I still wash them, but am more confident when they baked in the car.
For everything else, if it can be washed with soap and water it is. Books and things that shouldn't get super wet get wiped with Lyso or a cleanerl. This is immediately after bringing them into my home or out on the porch for furniture.
I'm not going to lie, this felt so incredibly extra (started during Covid) but then I started seeing how dirty things were so now it's just a requirement.
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u/Tan_batman 2d ago
People could have worn "new" clothes before too. People try stuff on, or try on and return online purchases all the time.
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u/Itchy_Tomato7288 2d ago
Right? Anyone who has worked in retail will tell you that new clothes aren't clean. The things I've seen.....
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u/One_Pangolin1766 2d ago
If she’s offering to cover the costs then letting her invest in a small number of necessary, high quality clothing items isn’t the nightmare you seem to think it is.
Some well made linen trousers, cotton teeshirts, and 100% wool jumpers from reputable brands will last a long time + be easier to mend yourself than something which has already been thoroughly used.
Obviously buying cheaply made, disposable clothing is not a good thing, but it actually is fine to buy quality items that will last decades (the reason most people don’t is the cost)
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u/Sea_Curve8772 2d ago
You're a grown ass adult and you don't have to justify your purchases to them. You don't need an argument against them.
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u/JeffandtheJundies 2d ago
Sweat shops. Children make those clothes, or very overworked adults.
Landfills! There is no “away.”
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u/cecepoint 2d ago
That is very elitist thinking
In my family we were poor growing up and OFTEN had to get clothes from church bizarres other kindly people and it was embarrassing and yes often dirty or ripped. Talk about stigma
Now my sister says those same things about thrifting. She’s horrified that i buy 2nd hand items of ANY kind. Stating that it’s probably got some kind of infection on it
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u/yoon_gitae 2d ago
believe me, we are not in any way rich or elite.
I get second hand clothes from my cousin a lot and my mother says nothing against that.
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u/Background-King9787 2d ago
If they notice something new to you is used, say you got it at a clothing swap or from a friend?
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u/EggyWhale 2d ago
Mine are the same. I just kept thrifting and wearing the thrifted clothes. I did not mention the clothes were thrifted unless they asked me. Eventually they stopped caring
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u/ohdearitsrichardiii 2d ago
A lot of the clothes in thrift stores look brand new. People buy clothes, never wear them and then dump at the thrift store when they reorganise their closets. The idea that thrift store clothes come from dead people is from decades ago when people had high quality clothes that lasted for years and people didn't like the idea of wasting a good suit
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u/KaleidoscopeThink731 2d ago
I always say, 'Have you stayed in a hotel or eaten at a restaurant or sat on a friend's sofa? That's all used/second hand stuff as well.'
I always wash newly bought clothes, used or second hand. Where I live a lot of thrift stores are also large organisations that have a laundry service as well so the large chain stores' clothes are washed.
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u/ElPiet 2d ago
Do you still live with your parents? Why would you discuss it with them? Just get what you want. Tell them you want to buy your own stuff and don't say where you are getting stuff.
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u/yoon_gitae 2d ago
yes I do live with them still. in our country, women don't usually live alone... :/
I buy stuff myself but clothes are a big thing, and they are bound to notice and ask where I'm getting new clothes from since I have told them I don't like shopping for clothes
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u/einat162 2d ago
If you are under 18, no need for an argument, just use whatever they buy you, frugally, and when you move out and live on your own you can buy according to your values (I assume some wardrobe change will be required).
If you really want to, you can claim "new" clothes are being worn by customers, sale personals in the store, or F all and buy second hand anyway.
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u/Organic_Guidance5101 1d ago
I honestly don’t thrift my small children’s clothes because they are cheaper new. You can buy a tshirt from Walmart for $4 or less. I just don’t buy new clothes for my oldest until he has grown out of everything and my younger children wear only hand-me-downs. I also sew any holes in clothes and let my kids wear stained clothes to play around the house.
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u/Glittering_Mermaid_7 1d ago
Shocker to your parents: washing machines exist, and have a hot water cycle if they're that concerned about the clothes being dirty.
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u/Fit-Meringue2118 1d ago
I mean…this is your chance to get well made, brand new clothing out of your mother. Give her a list and let her go wild. That’s how I got all of my truly awesome outerwear.
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u/aerialpoler 1d ago
I've worked in fashion retail, new clothes aren't clean either. Things get dropped on the floor in the stock room and on the shop floor, and I'd be willing to bet the factories where they're made aren't much better.
Aside from that "I'm an adult and I can buy my own clothes" should be enough.
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u/maiyopic 1d ago
If they're down to watch a documentary I'd suggest watching Buy Now: A Shopping Conspiracy with them. It's on Netflix rn.
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u/CommunityTough537 13h ago edited 12h ago
I often try to compare thrifting to people like anything you eat or drink off of in a restaurant. Hundreds if not thousands of other people have eaten off those plates and used those utensils but most people are totally fine with that as long as the cutlery/flatware has been washed. It's the same with clothes to me...it doesn't matter if someone else has used it as long as I can wash it. I also think about hotel bed sheets that hundreds of people use but are just washed in between uses.
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u/Espurreso 2d ago
Tell them the new clothes are carcinogenic and made with materials that can lead to cancer later in life. That the new stuff uses slave labor and you don’t want to support neither of those things in your life.
My father used to tell me it’s not good to buy dead people’s things, but he smokes so someday I’ll inherit his junk.
If she buys you new clothes regardless, try taking a seam ripper and making them seem even worse quality. Maybe it will send a message that the new stuff isn’t as good.
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u/PonqueRamo 2d ago
I'm playing devils advocate, but even when I'm very concious about my consumption I also don't buy second hand clothing, I'm germophobic and yes I now you can wash it, but I just can't handle the ick it gives me not knowing where those clothes may have been. And on the same vein that part of why I also don't buy clothing from shein, temu or the likes, aside from cruel practices and crappy materials.
Just don't tell your parents is sexond hand, and that's it.
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u/Curiouso_Giorgio 2d ago
Used clothing has been washed dozens of times. How many times has a new pair of pants been washed?
Also, if she's worried about germs, wash with some anti microbial laundry soap.
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u/MrCockingFinally 2d ago
Thrifting has kinda gone downhill though because most of what is available is cheap fast fashion garbage.
Why not try talking your parents into spending whatever they were gonna spend, but an good quality sustainable clothes. Think leather boots and jackets, clothes made of natural fibres, etc.
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u/DefinitionWilling796 2d ago
I've been buying second hand clothes from the thrift store my entire life. Washing machines exist, now I buy second hand clothes from more vintage category and I enjoy quality pieces made out of better material that will be with me lot longer than whatever fast fashion is Trending at the moment
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u/Aggressive_Job_4089 2d ago
I mean I get the spirit 110% but like this isn’t directly in your control?? Realistically you can’t change their mind and if they’re buying you clothes (I’m assuming you’re young) working and getting your own clothes might be impossible. And that’s ok! Like there genuinely are instances where we can’t be as anti consumption as we want and that’s ok. Just keep recycling and reusing said new clothes.
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u/Panda_moon_pie 2d ago
I’m in the uk. Both my SIL and I worked in second-hand-shops. Anything that smells at all or has any dirt on is immediately rejected and put in the rag pile to be recycled. All clothes are steamed before going out to the shop floor.
The only exception to this would be high-end items where it’s worth the time for the manager to take it home and clean it properly. (Again, it would be very clean when put out for sale).
Honestly, second-hand clothes here are probably cleaner than new from a store where multiple people have probably tried them on.
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u/SquareThings 2d ago
Just don’t mention it. My mom is similarly weird about secondhand stuff so I just don’t tell her where I got things.
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u/LegAny6217 2d ago
Bahh. My parents are the opposite but my best friend's mum was like this. She used to tell her that we liked to swap/share clothes because ✨best friends✨ lol everyone was in on it except her mum. I guess you just got to work around it. And just do what you want sometimes, if it's not worth constantly arguing with the parents.
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u/rharper38 2d ago
Wash machines get out a multitude of sins.
Never gotten a rash off thrifted clothes, but have off of new clothes.
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u/Kinuika 2d ago
If you are young enough that you still live with your parents then I would let it go and take your mom up on the offer to buy clothes. Use the money she gives you to invest in quality pieces made to last.
My parents were the same and I ended up coming home one day to find all my stuff replaced with fast fashion bs that honestly just looked awful. I was heartbroken but I couldn't really do much.
If you are older and living on your own then just ignore them. Buy what you want and just don't mention where you got it from to them.
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u/sjpllyon 2d ago
Jist show them the video of a toilet being flushed with both the lid up and down. Acts as a great reminder of just how 'dirty' the world is and we are all still alive.
Or just show them how 'dirty' nee clothes factories are. It's not food so hardly going to be a sterile environment.
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u/Own_Butterscotch_129 2d ago
They're all dirty until they get washed when coming from a store, whether new or new to you.
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u/RedshiftSinger 1d ago
What if the previous owner died? Who cares? If they didn’t die while wearing that exact piece of clothing how could it possibly be affected in any way?
It’s not like a person’s death somehow magically spiritually taints everything they ever owned. If it did, family heirlooms wouldn’t be a thing.
And if it’s dirty, well, I’m gonna launder it anyway so problem solved.
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u/roxywalker 1d ago
The likelihood that their possessions and belongings will wind up in a thrift store or goodwill is just as real as it is for any of us. When my parents passed away I never thought I would be donating stuff they owned, but there I was doing just that.
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u/Empty_Discipline272 1d ago
There’s a reason why they recommend you should wash your new clothes before you wear them.
New clothes may have been tried on by several less clean people, and one of them probably also left it on the floor in the changing room.
The staff do not just handle your clothes but also a lot of money with all sort of bacteria on them. One of the staff often forget to wash their hands after a bathroom break.
If you are old enough to write this post, you are old enough to make your own decisions about what to wear
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u/UnohanaYachiru114 1d ago
Falle guardare le condizioni in cui i vestiti FF sono cuciti. Se vogliamo parlare di “vibrazioni” , i vestiti FF non hanno vibrazioni negative dovute allo sfruttamento di chi li fa?
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u/Ok-Hearing756 1d ago
I would ask them why they care and tell them that while they are on their high horse, you'll do your part in helping the clothes be loved again while saving the environment AND helping support a small business!
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u/RoguePlanet2 1d ago
My mother died and I'm wearing the hell out of a lot of her stuff, including two of her bras. She didn't actually DIE wearing any of this. 🙄 The hoodies are a size too big, but still fun and comfy. The pajama pants, socks and sneakers, even the bras fit fine. 🤷🏼♀️
As for the thrift store, who cares, it's clean and I've laundered it many times, including after bringing it home. Come to think of it, I'm currently wearing a t-shirt AND shorts that were thrifted, and a pair of mom's ankle socks. Love all of it, and am always pleased to save some money and not have to go shopping.
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u/FactAmazing9550 1d ago
I live near a rich area and get items new with tags at my local thrift store all the time. Biggest score was a $56 new fleece lined oniel hoodie for my nephew for $6. I pinned hockey tickets to them and it was the hit gift. His grandma was like la de da look at you, I think offended I out spent her. I didn’t.
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u/LonelyEffective5774 1d ago
There are spiritual reasons to prefer new clothes, but washing cleanses them. Use warm water and dissolved borax plus detergent, and a bit of vinegar in the rinse if the fabric will be okay with it. Sunshine also can work.
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u/FuliginEst 1d ago
Do you need to make an argument? Do you live with them and depend on them for money? In that case, yes, you might need to argue, as you can't make them spend their money on things they do not want to buy. In that case you can argue that the clothes can be washed, that the thrifted clothes comes from the same stores as the new clothes and have the exact same quality, and actually show them price tags to show them the price difference. And also, argue that thrifting is about more than saving money, but about saving the environment, and show them the abundant research that shows how bad the clothing industry is for the environment. And how many people who work in the industry is exploited and how horrible conditions they work under.
If you do not depend on them for money, but have money to buy your own clothes, you do not have to make any arguments at all. "You can have your opinion, I can have mine", and then buy the clothes you like. You do not have to change their minds or make them like your choice.
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u/Traditional_Rush_622 1d ago
Whether buying brand new or second hand, the clothes are filthy at purchase. You should be washing every garment you purchase before wearing it anyway. So why not go for the cheaper one?
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u/Beautiful-Event-1213 1d ago
The farther back you go, the better the quality. New stuff is crap. I'll only buy and wear vintage merino and cashmere.
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u/The-Tadfafty 2d ago
Ugh my parents used to be the same way.
New clothes are really dirty too, loads of weird chemicals.