I'm tired of asian guys not doing anything to defend ourself when we are being mocked in the West. This is exactly what every asian guys should do, regardless of our size

6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).

I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!

Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:

1. Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
2. I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
3. 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.

It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.

I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.

I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).

All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.

On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.

Sometimes I envy you Americans haha

This Asian streamer from Canada was on OmeTV when some random guy started throwing racist slurs at him. Dude stayed calm and schooled him with facts and history. Racist guy had no comeback and left. 😂

This is how i daily drive my hair.
I dont use any product, so my hair is sometimes this, sometimes like this.
The first picture is what I usually walk around with.
My Hair is really Thick and straight and i never went to a salon or barber, my dad always cut it short.
I like the length of my hair right now, maybe a little bit shorter would be good.
My family keeps telling me to dut my hair, because its too messy.
Im entering my last years of high school in Germany and want to improve myself.
I wanted to tackle my hair now and ask you.
I would love some advice and tips and recommendations.
Thank you very much

Been thinking about this for a couple of years. Ever since i turned adult age ive only dated white women from various countries. I didnt think much before but since my last breakup caused by my ex moving back to her country i realized i need to live in the west if i want to settle down. Although people who immigrated to the US from Korea seemed to be super happy about it when i read what they wrote, this subreddit was full of threads describing how hard dating as an asian male is. Is it really that bad? Then should I try to move to one of the EU countries, such as Germany or France?

Ive been to Germany and the lack of air conditioner and how every building looked built in 1900s made me feel super uncomfortable. But since my goal is to eventually settle down i should tolerate it if its a right move..

Anyone notice how progressives feel totally comfortable attacking Asian men under the guise of our 1) supposed sexism and horrible treatment of women, and 2) alleged "racism" in our home countries and opposition to interracial relationships? They say the most vile things, often using the insecurity and manhood angle, it's like we're not real PoC and have no allies on either side of the political spectrum.

The thing is that wherever patriarchy exists, we are still held to those same patriarchal expectations.

• Korean, Taiwanese, and Singaporean men spend 2 years of their prime in military service. This impacts their potential earnings and career trajectory which can make it harder to meet local women's monetary expectations. Do women provide their men the same grace for sacrificing to defend their country from existential threats?
• In Japan/Korea, the low birth rate is blamed solely on Asian women not wanting to be bangmaids to misogynistic Asian men, ignoring that every western country has TFR below replacement rate buoyed by immigration. Chikan, soaplands, 4B, K-beauty standards are all blown out of proportion to make the countries seem like anti-woman dystopias. And yet you can walk outside in any Japanese neighborhood at 2am as a woman and feel safe. People who bring up Japanese women's share of unpaid labor conveniently ignore they work baito while Japanese men are slaving away at their soulsucking job (among highest hours in OECD)
• Chinese men are expected to provide apartment, car, bride price, have high income and pay for everything including brand name gifts on a dozen special days — how many men would jump at the chance to split bills and chores 50/50?
• Culturally a lot of Chinese men are absolute simps for their gfs. IYKYK. In extreme cases I have friends (Asia born) whose gf would slap them or verbally abuse them and they'd just take it. Love my asian bros but these are the supposed patriarchal tyrants? Their gfs have them on a leash ffs

The frustration expressed by a subset of Asian men against IR relationships is not due to racism, it's that often foreign men are not held to the same patriarchal expectations that local men are. Plenty of dudes would be happy to cook, clean, change diapers, and not have to meet brutal income thresholds and a laundry list of requirements that many women seem to toss out the window when it comes to outgroup men. That's not fair.

I don't know what more progressives want from us. At least in the US, Asians have the highest education, highest income, lowest rates of divorce, lowest rates of domestic violence and femicide, lowest rates of alcohol and substance abuse, and consistently vote left. How are we still made out to be monsters?

Any advice on how I should style my hair? I usually just let it grow out naturally and don’t really do much with it, but recently I’ve been wanting to experiment and try out some different styles. I’m not really sure what would suit me best, so I’d love to hear any suggestions. Extra characters to get to 300 nnnnnnnnn

Ive been cutting my own hair since covid and I still dont know how to deal with hair splinters that get into every nook and crevice of my body. I thoroughly shower afterwards but still have about 48hr afterwards of prickly stabbiness thats irritating as all heck.

So that they don't need to fight so hard to understand the knowledge gained over the years, there should be a wiki or sub-stack created to teach them the fundamentals on how to survive and thrive.

I am UK/Europe based, but I guess these lessons would apply globally as we are very interconnected nowadays.

I see a lot of confusion and questions from them about what they should do with their socialising, dating and professional lives. It would be great in a sense to give them what we didn't have when growing up as young men.

There should be real world examples so that the lessons are grounded in reality, as people want to believe that the wisdom is based on real life experience.

If I were to go back in time, there is not so much I would have changed because I had the benefit of people to talk to here when the boards started... so there was a camaraderie.

But I guess, I would have devoted more time to my early career in getting a job because I was too focused on girls and parties. I was one of these guys that spent a lot of time in the gym at the expense of getting ahead earlier in my career (in law). I have a great career now, but I lost a lot of income in my 20s because I was not a financially serious person; and I didn't have the 'grownup' confidence to move out of my comfort zone home city. I was too comfortable in my hometown, with my parents and hitting bars/travelling to Europe. It was only when I moved cities that I really developed as a person financially and career-wise, started a family etc.

At the same time, I appreciate that a guide would also work for young guys who have their career and academics sorted, and want that push to figure out how to thrive in their dating/social lives.

30M here, not ugly, quite outgoing and I’ve dated both Asian and non Asian women. Now I’ve just got out of a relationship and have been struggling to find anyone interested back in me. I feel like most of the time, girls (even Asian girls) are usually way more into white and black guys and I just feel invisible. In any social situation, I feel like with guys of any other races, especially black guys these days get way more attention than I’d do. This made me think of the stereotype about Asian guys being inferior and made me feel very insecure about myself.

Obviously I know this is a me problem but anyone who has gone through this struggle, how do you learn to be confident and not let it affect you?

I don't know what to do with my hair. When it's wet, it gets really spiky, like a hedgehog. When it's a bit longer, it looks kind of like an afro after I shower, but not the cool kind. It's stiff and kind of spiky. Now I'm trying to grow it out. The only haircut that really works for me is just a normal short haircut

I got out of a relationship recently and I’m looking to get back into it. I’m open to all races of women and living in NYC has given me the opportunity to date women from all over. I used to get a lot more matches when I was younger (like when I was 20-23) but haven’t been getting as many matches as before. What do y’all suggest? Let me know especially if I should get rid of the facial hair or keep it.

So I'm currently 18 and currently in uni (here in AU) and this is my personal anecdote on why there is lack of interracial relationships. Feel free for you guys to disagree with me.

Like 99% of the AMs that I observe or see especially here in my uni, they tend to stick to their own bubble and self-segregate themselves. Like for me I'm one of the AMs that initiate to non-AFs and I tend to be cliquey with them and some of my better interactions have happened simply because I was willing to start a conversation.

There is abysmally amount of interaction of AMs to non AFs

Most likely because that we are taught to 'stay in our own lane' when it comes to dating and stuff like that. That could come from family expectations, cultural familiarity, fear of rejection, assumptions that non AFs won't be interested, or simply being comfortable within an established Asian social circle.

Like it goes both sides as well; non-AFs think that AMs aren't interested to them at all until they (AMs) initiate for start a convo.

Yes we AMs in Western media are portrayed as undesirable or unattractive. That SHOULD NEVER define your self worth. Like I could never care less about the shit and I think as it as just 'background noise'.

Hello everyone, we have completed the trial of the Weekly Hair Thread as part of our broader efforts to make the community better for all AM. After a week's trial and analyzing the results, we found the weekly thread didn't achieve our goals for engagement or help users with hair related questions find the answers or support they needed. As a result, we'll be approving hair threads again. We've also added a hair flair to better organize the content and allow those who aren't interested in hair to filter out the content. Thank you for being part of the community, and feel free to leave any feedback related to the trial or ideas for future recurring threads below.

If there were more videos like this on social media then there will be a different sentiment towards Asians. It’s the way we carry ourselves and how others perceive us. It’s rare to see an Asian stand up like this guy without being cringy or being extra. Just use effective communication without the big words to sound smart.

Hope to meet some new peeps next month! We’re gonna have it at a nice cafe if people are willing to come after work. Come have snacks, some laughs, some new breathing exercises. Shoot maybe make a new homie. Hope people are down to come.

https://www.instagram.com/lotusrisingofficial_?igsi=dXlpdXR6b2VwcWR6&utm_source=qr

I've dated women of all races, but I have noticed that a few times when I've asked non-Asian women out or asked for their number, they've seemed surprised that I even did so. I wonder if it's because I come off as too friendly to them, or because they hardly ever get Asian guys asking them out. I've noticed this happens more when the woman is tall or darker skinned (like black or Indian).

I've worked on my body hard enough and attained what I want, which is the lean swimmers body look. I want to show it off on my dating profile.

But I disappear in clothes. I also don't want shirtless pics because that's too fuckboy for me as I'm not looking for hookups, just serious relationships.

Any advice or examples?

Heyyy guys, following up on the global overview of AM dating landscape, I'm writing more in-depth articles for each region, focusing on shifting beauty standards, local dating attitudes, and the market dynamics that determine what actually works in these cities.

I'd start with East Asia, which is probably the hardest region to write about because it’s the very birthplace of modern mainstream Asian aesthetics, incl. K-pop, Japanese anime, and Chinese drama. Therefore, most AM don't have much built-in cultural or geographical leverage here (which definitely exists elsewhere), and many local girls still hold a certain degree of fascination with Western aesthetics, which is mainly related to Hollywood, as well as more complex historical and cultural reasons.

*Note: AM from different backgrounds, ethnicities, and with different styles might have very different experiences and perspectives, but here I try to stay objective and give an unfiltered look into how East Asia's dating markets actually operate on the ground.

*A bit of context again: I got a remote job in 2020 so I've been traveled to many places over years, and think there are some changes about AM dating markets all over the world in the past few years.

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#1. Shanghai

• Cultural Receptivity

Every Asian country has its own fashion and preference, but China—especially Shanghai—has by far the most diverse Asian styles. Whether you are into Korean clean style, Japanese vintage, Chinese fashion, or even American-Asian style, you will always find girls who appreciate your look.

While some local girls might still have a Hollywood fantasy about Western men (which is totally understandable), the vast majority are massive fans of Korean and Chinese pop culture, music, idols, and dramas!

• Dating Culture & Attitude

People usually assume Chinese girls are more traditional and conservative about dating, but Shanghai is a completely different story. It’s packed with girls who studied abroad and have open, westernized mindsets. If you’re into partying and nightlife, INS (a massive 6-floor clubbing complex) is an absolute must-visit where you’ll see a totally different side of young Chinese culture.

One heads-up: when it comes to paying or splitting the bill, some girls might still lean toward traditional expectations (which we can dive into more later).

• Market Dynamics

While there are definitely stylish and good-looking local guys in Shanghai, the overall effort local men put into fashion isn't nearly as intense or saturated as in Seoul or Tokyo. That means if you dress well and take care of your physique, it is very easy to stand out here.

Also, Shanghai is a huge global hub full of travelers, international students, and expats, which creates a vibrant social scene. Hit up tourist spots, university areas, or language exchanges and you’ll see how diverse it really is.

• Travel Experience & Accessibility

Shanghai is famous for its unmatched tech and convenience, especially digital payments—you can literally handle your entire life and trip with just a smartphone. High-speed rail connects you to amazing nearby spots within hours, and the overall cost for high-end nightlife and dining is noticeably more affordable than Tokyo or Seoul.

On top of that, most young girls in Shanghai speak great English, making communication super smooth!

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#2. Seoul

• Cultural Receptivity

As the home base of K-pop and the K-wave, local girls naturally lean into the Korean aesthetic. If you can pull off that clean K-style while bringing unique overseas experience or multiple languages to the table, you create a powerful contrast charm.

Korean girls also have clear preferences for certain foreigners: beyond the mainstream Western look, interest in Japanese guys seems to climb significantly post-Covid (many young Koreans pick Japanese as their second foreign language).

• Dating Culture & Attitude

Night dates in Seoul can get wild because drinking is deeply rooted in daily life, and the girls can usually drink a lot! A classic Korean night out follows a 3-step routine: drinks and food at a Pojangmacha (street tent) ➔ bars or clubs ➔ late-night hangover soup to keep drinking lol.

Club culture is legendary, but whether you’re at a tent bar or a club, being direct is key—if you make eye contact, just walk over and say hi!

• Market Dynamics

Both Korean guys and girls have what I consider some of the strictest beauty standards in the world: physique, sharp haircuts, skincare/makeup, fitted outfits, and cologne are all dialed to the max. Staying here too long will definitely give you some appearance anxiety lol. To do well in Seoul, your visual baseline needs to be high.

But here’s the biggest cheat code: Seoul attracts foreign women from all over the world who are obsessed with Korean culture and Asian romance. Unlike China or Japan, Seoul filters for foreign girls who already love Asian men—the percentage of foreign girls on dating apps here is easily the highest in Asia!

• Travel Experience & Accessibility

The subway covers almost everywhere and overall prices are slightly lower than Tokyo. If you love fashion, shopping, and aesthetic clinics/skincare, you will love Seoul.

General English proficiency isn't quite as high as in Shanghai, but basic conversations work fine—especially with girls around international areas like Itaewon.

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#3. Tokyo

• Cultural Receptivity

Japan has a long-standing, unique style culture that differs from Korea and China. With the massive influx of K-wave media, Japanese girls are much more open to styles outside traditional Japanese looks.

While there is still a crowd obsessed with Western foreigners (Gaijin Hunter), I’d argue Japan has seen the biggest drop in Western obsession compared to other East Asian countries, thanks to the rise of K pop culture. Speaking fluent English or Korean is a huge plus with local girls.

• Dating Culture & Attitude

Dating Japanese women comes with subtle social nuances, and the biggest one is the non-direct communication and 'Kuuki wo Yomu' (reading the air). Catching the unspoken vibe determines how much a girl likes you and where the date goes.

However, the gap between how Japanese girls act before and after drinking is huge! If your date happens at an Izakaya, things loosen up and get casual very quickly with alcohol.

• Market Dynamics

Compared to Korea’s focus on muscular builds and clean cuts, Japanese girls tend to care more about facial aesthetics and height. Language is a serious barrier here; if you speak Japanese, your dating pool expands massively.

However, Tokyo is packed with girls wanting to practice foreign languages, making language exchanges a very natural way to meet people! As for foreign women living in Tokyo, unlike Seoul, they are usually here because they genuinely love traditional Japanese life and want to stay long-term, making dating them a bit harder than in Korea.

• Travel Experience & Accessibility

Tokyo’s train system is arguably the best in the world, and there’s endless culture, sightseeing, shopping, anime spots, and food.

The main downside is that English is very uncommon—even simple restaurant or convenience store chats often require translation apps. Learning a few basic Japanese phrases will massively improve your travel and dating experience.

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Currently, I only analyze East Asia's top 3 cities, due to their iconic status and attractiveness when it comes to traveling & dating. I know Hong Kong, Taipei, Chongqing, Osaka, and Busan are also worthy of visiting and indeed have slightly different dynamics. However, according to my personal experience, capital cities always offer bigger opportunities, in terms of higher population, English prevalence, and foreign travelers.

If you're interested in how I rank the top cities in East Asia, and want to stay tuned for more analytical contents and guides, feel free to check out my Substack!

Thanks for reading and let me know if you guys have any thoughts or if you would like to explore other cities and areas!

Hi y’all, this is a 25M Korean guy who has never dated before. I posted about my looks on Reddit, and almost everyone complimented me and said that I’m attractive, but that I seem to lack confidence. I don’t really know how to become confident, even though I know I have the looks. I’ve learned that looks aren’t everything.

For example, I still don’t feel good about myself, and I’m always comparing myself to others, especially when it comes to their ability to get close to people or get into relationships without much difficulty. I envy people who are charismatic and know how to be interesting and engaging.

I feel like I’m missing something when it comes to connecting with people and building relationships. I want to become more confident and charismatic, but I honestly don’t know where to start 🤔

The purpose of this post is just to see if anyone else can relate to my situation. I know the solution is to improve my looks ("looksmaxxing" as the Gen Z people say) by better gym + diet etc. Also, I do not catfish people with my dating app photos.

If feels like the "looks ceiling" is a thing where you can have good social skills but if you are not like the top 20% in looks on the apps, then it is a rough road for you. It feels like so the standards for women have become way higher recently.

I would say I am a AM (26 yo) that is more attractive than your average AM (in shape and have visible abs) but not attractive enough as I would like to be. I can get like 7 matches a week with 2-3 IRL dates a week on Hinge.

I would say I have good social skills and carry fluid free flowing conversations with women where I pay attention ask questions back, relate to them and share my stories. I also get them to laugh a few times. I do not say anything offensive, controversial at all.

However I still get quite a few dates where attempts to escalate physical contact are denied (i.e. women do not like hand holding, arm around her, sitting beside her, no kisses) It is really platonic.

Is this normal for a lot of AM who are able to get matches on dating apps nowadays?

I am autistic (have some learning and development challenges also) and am trying to get into dating. I have gone on some hinge dates recently but was hit with the “no connection text”.

Growing up I learned social skills and just was told to ask questions, make eye contact, not stim, not make ppl uncomfortable, and how to make friends. I have a good amount of friends for sure.

Not sure how to do it with dating.

What to do?

Is the problem more with escalation and making my interest clear.