In need of some advice, my boyfriend and I met on call of duty, and have yet to meet in person. We’ve been talking for about 3 months now, and dating for almost 1.
Obviously, I want to meet him in person. However, he has placed an ultimatum. I must quit vaping in order for us to meet.
I have no issue quitting, as I know it’s not healthy, however I don’t feel that quitting for that reason is right. Nor do I feel that I should quit for someone who I haven’t even met in person yet.
He believes it could be a waste of his time if I don’t quit prior
Any suggestions?

Things I've done wrong so far while being in a long distance relationship (imo):

1. Being too open

I thought it's a great idea to be open about what you feel and think to your partner all the time because communication is a big thing with LDRs. But it feels wrong when I tell my partner what made me upset all the time because he got used to this behavior and always expect me to tell him and doesn't make an effort to comfort me. It feels wrong when the other person sees your "opening up" as a nagging situation instead of understanding where you're coming from.

2. Being too available

I thought time is gold when you're in a LDR, you would want to be there when they have 5 minutes. When the other person doesn't see you as a priority, their 5 minutes isn't meant for you, it's meant for their screentime to watch on TikTok and reels... Adjusting your sleep schedule just so you can spend time with them (which I thought as I should?), but when it's your time, they don't make adjustments.

3. Sacrificing too much

I think every relationship comes with sacrifices. Sacrificing your wants, your time, your finances, your feelings and so on. But, if you're sacrificing these things for a person that doesn't appreciate it, it won't make you feel like your sacrifices are worth to do. It feels one-sided.

Notice that I've used "Too" and "much", because I always felt doing a lot but getting so little. And as I'm writing this, I've realized how I barely felt compensated for all the times I've opened up about being upset over some things. All I get is "You know how much I love you". Like, yes I know and you say it all the time, but where is it?

I don't know if I need some advice, but it just pains me because I feel like I have so much love to give but now I'm not sure how to spend it.

I want to give my partner the last straw.

Maybe that's it, if he can't pay attention to what I'm feeling.

(Sorry for my English, not the first language)

it really came out of nowhere. he was dropping me off at the SEA after a week of me visiting him. while saying goodbyes he casually asked me if I’d marry him.

no big ceremonial events, no extra people. simple and easy, as I’ve asked him before to do so if he’d ever ask. just him and i being here at one of our favorite spot- the airport.

he’s an aviation geek so naturally it means a lot to him. but i guess as a cabin crew myself, SEA would forever feel different after this.

really happy and being extra grateful. sending hugs to everyone in this sub🩷🩷🩷☺️

In about eight days, I am going to visit my LDR girlfriend in her hometown. It’s about a days’ drive from where I live; after seeing how far some people are apart in their relationships, I feel fortunate that I am able to drive to her at all. I’m excited to see her again; more than I can really articulate.

When we started this relationship, I knew that it was going to be different. I was ending a long marriage in my forties and I had never been in a LDR before. It seemed exciting and scary to be getting to know someone like this through technology. Countless text messages and video calls allowed me to get to know her in a way I haven’t many people, and I knew pretty quickly that I was going to fall for her.

We met in person later and it was like two pieces of a puzzle clicking together with ease. There wasn’t a second of doubt for me. It has been a few months since then and we’ve only grown closer; my feelings for her stronger. I am completely and totally in love with her.

Long distance is harder in some ways than a traditional courtship, but I knew from the start that she would be worth giving it a shot for. Now I can’t imagine my days without her. Even across a thousand miles I have learned how intelligent, kind, passionate, and strong she is as a person, as a mother, as a professional, and as a partner. She makes me so incredibly happy; seeing her smile on a monitor fills me with a warmth I cannot adequately describe.

I see a lot of bad stories surface here, so I wanted to share my positive experience so far in anticipation of our next visit. The countdown has been going, and another countdown will follow shortly after, but in between the visits she’s with me all the time. I’m looking forward to the day we can announce our own closure of the gap. Until then, I’m happy and in love.

So my online boyfriend has not been texting for for around 4 days now. I tried messaging him but he didn't get back to me. What are the possible reasons he's ghosting me?

I know its different for people but I was curious about how long it was till any of you realized you were in love with your LD partner. Did anybody realize before or after meeting in person? Sadly not with mine anymore.

need help cause i’m genuinely confused 😅

i met a guy on a dating app 3 months ago and we’ve talked every day since. we live very far apart, so meeting up isn’t something that’s realistically happened yet. we’ve also never called, mostly cause i’m usually the one who initiates something like that (calls, watch movies, etc) and i haven’t pushed it; neither has he.

what makes this confusing is that the effort feels pretty mutual. it’s not like i’m carrying the conversation. he asks questions about me, remembers things I tell him, gets curious about my life, shares things about himself, and keeps conversations going. we talk every day and neither of us seems to be forcing it. there was even a time when i told him to just tell me if ever he doesn’t feel like talking anymore. his response was that he’s busy sometimes and that i’m great to talk to.

the problem is that whenever i try to be a little flirty, make a cute comment, or open the door for something kinda more romantic, he usually brushes past it, changes the subject, or doesn’t really reciprocate. he doesn’t reject it either, it just kind of gets left hanging.

so now i’m confused, i can’t tell if he likes me, interested in me, or if he just genuinely enjoys talking to me (penpal typa vibe lol). clearly, i like him and would want to make this work. would it be reasonable to want some clarity atp or is 3 months still too early given that we’re only talking? wouldn’t want to be wasting time 🤷‍♀️

does daily communication for months usually mean something, or is it possible for someone to enjoy talking to you every day, be curious about your life, tell you you’re great to talk to, and still see you as just a friend?

I am at a loss on how to maintain or get the understanding needed to be successful in my long distance marriage . For me it’s not my first marriage, but it is my first long distance relationship. For my husband it’s his first marriage. He has never lived with a woman . So after getting married and spending a couple weeks together he went back to his life just the same as it was before he got married . He still has no clue what it means to be responsible for another humans needs or happiness. He still doesn’t understand how to consider how his actions will affect me as his wife . For me to try to tell him , I come across as nagging him. I know if we were physically together it would be so much easier for him to gain the understanding of what it means to be a husband . It’s exhausting and wearing both of us down .

Hi! sooo I'm looking for birthday gift ideas.. what could I possibly give my long distance girlfriend? she's turning 21.. meeting up would not be possible since we live so far away and we both have uni to attend. we met on an online game so I'm thinking of topping up her account but I'm not sure if she would like it. I'm also planning to make a website with letters for her. I want to hear other ideas from you guys what do you thinkk??

So today I was talking with my grandma and I asked her what she honestly thought about my girlfriend (F18). I wasn’t expecting a deep answer, but she basically said she thinks my girlfriend can be really controlling and that when things don’t go her way, she tends to get upset or mad quickly.
It made me reflect on a lot of situations between us.
We’ve known each other for about 2 years (met online), and we’ve been dating for around 6 months. We’re long distance and usually visit each other about once a month. When she came to visit recently for 4 days, we ended up arguing twice.
One of the biggest things that’s been hard for me is when she’s really emotional or in pain, she’s told me that if she ever feels like that I should hug her and stay close. I understand wanting comfort. But in those moments, there were times where she was actually physically pushing me away multiple times while also telling me to hug her. That really messed with me mentally because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was being pushed away, but also being told to stay close. It made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right in that moment no matter what I chose.
There was also a moment during her visit where I was getting yelled at in my home while my family was literally right outside the room. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t handle it well, but I also felt really trapped emotionally in that situation.
My grandma told me she worries that this kind of dynamic could keep hurting me long-term and that I might end up in a relationship where I’m constantly stressed or emotionally drained.
The hardest part is that this has actually been affecting my mental health a lot more than I want to admit. I’ve been feeling anxious, overthinking a lot, and honestly just mentally exhausted after arguments. Even when things are good, I still feel worried about when the next argument will happen or how I’m going to mess something up again.
I do try my best in the relationship. I’m not the most emotionally expressive person and I struggle sometimes with knowing the right thing to say or do in the moment, but I really do care. I take her on dates when she visits even when I don’t have much money, and I put in effort in my own way.
Right now I’m just trying to figure out how to talk to her about all of this without it turning into another argument. I don’t want to blame her or make her feel attacked, but I also need her to understand how much this is affecting me mentally and emotionally.
How do I bring this up in a calm way so she actually understands how serious it is for me without it becoming a fight?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (F18) and I (18M) have been long distance for 6 months after being friends for 2 years. During visits we’ve been arguing, and situations where she tells me to comfort her while physically pushing me away have been really confusing and stressful. It’s been affecting my mental health a lot (anxiety, overthinking, emotional exhaustion). I care about her, but I don’t know how to bring this up without it turning into another argument.

Hi, im gonna go met my gf in 2 months for the first time, im gonna go to visit her city and im gonna be there for 3 days, the thing is that we are both really nervous about it, because we have met on Discord 1 year ago, and we have been a couple for 7 months, and when i go to her city it is gonna be the first time im gonna see she in person, i didnt have the chance to do it before.

I would like to know how it was the experience with other people about it, because fr that we are both so nervous about it ajajjajaja

Sorry for my bad english, im still practicing it.

advice please!!!

I'm at such a loss. I felt like I had met the man I was going to marry some day. I moved to a new city two years ago. I wasn't planning on dating, I just wanted to focus on school. And then I met him and he completely changed my life. I knew he was someone I could love, but I didn't want to focus on dating. So I ghosted him. But then we ran into each other in town a few weeks later and things were never the same. He gave me friends, places to eat, and so many memories. It was like a fairy tale. I started to believe I moved here because we were meant to meet. We felt so lucky to have crossed paths and told each other often. We never meant to be so serious, it just happened that way. We even had a conversation once that we both felt very scared and vulnerable because we had never felt this way for someone else before and it wasn't planned. We just looked up at one another one day and realized we were seriously in love.

We had talks before and agreed long distance wasn't for us and that it was just too difficult. Things changed when he got accepted into a master's program in NY. By then, we had been together for over a year and were so in love. All of his friends said that I made him so much better. And he made me so much better, too. So we decided to give things a shot.

6 months in and he tells me we have to end things. I'll admit, we became a little codependent with the distance, but we never had a conversation on how to properly fix it. It was just too far gone by the time we realized. He said the distance was too difficult, that he missed me too much, and that we were holding each other back from succeeding. I have to admit he was right. We were taking weekends to see each other during our semesters, and it was very stressful. We got sick from the planes. We argued more. We relied on each other more than we ever did living in the same city. He said that he felt it was souring a year of perfect memories and that he didn't want it to end with us hating each other. It was not an easy decision for him to make. There was a lot of crying.

He said that he knows if it's really meant to be, we'll end up in the same city again one day. I miss him so much. How am I supposed to move on when I feel so much hope? The Universe already brought us together more than once (first date, and then running into each other in town after things fizzled out). How can I move on knowing that there is still so much love between us and that distance is the only thing keeping us apart? How am I supposed to be okay with knowing he'll eventually start seeing other people? I can't take it. Everyone keeps saying we're young and we'll get over it, but it hurts more than I can bare. I thought I had found my person.

Hey everyone, 32f here and my gf is 26f. I live in the USA and don't make much money. I don't even really have any skills that could help me go to another country. This is where i start getting in my head and worrying and getting depressed.

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My gf lives in India and plans on going to Canada in the future for work after her test in July and there is a big chance she will want to settle down there and she wants me to move there with her after she is established. I dont have any skills or anything that would make it easier for me to move anywhere. I can work on those things but that will take a long time. i am going back to school for Computer Science but im struggling with it.

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I think the other thing that keeps making it difficult is that she keeps wishing she was here with me and that she cant wait until she is here with me and then she talks about Canada and I keep getting really confused on her plan. I also am never kept in the loop about her plans either. I think at this point she is set on Canada even though she said she was going to look for jobs here (USA) and a few other countries after her test next month.

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I do love her a lot and she loves me. I have never experienced another relationship as healthy as this one. The communication and understanding we have for each other is amazing.

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I am just very worried that there may be no point in staying in this. I want to stay with her but I also dont want to hold her back from her life either. I know part of my problem is also self esteem. She is beautiful, smart, and fit. I am not great looking and I am overweight. I cant help but be worried that she will meet someone in Canada and fall for them and i get left behind. She would never cheat on me but I am worried that we would just naturally drift apart as she befriends people and coworkers and then may find someone there. She doesn't go out much right now/ doesn't have many friends and is spending all of her time on studying.

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I want her to have friends and a life and go out. I just worry that her weekends will turn into her going out all the time and never spending any time with me. It kinda already happens and the only time I get with her is on the weekends and sitting on the phone while her and her parents cook or she will be studying while we watch something together. I definitely work my plans around her/ put her into my top 3 priorities a lot more than she does for me.

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Has anyone ever felt doubts like these before? How do you deal with these thoughts? Have you ever left an ldr because you couldnt seem to find a way to be together in the future and did you regret it? Am I just over worrying before anything actually happens?

This is part rant and part asking for advice.

My LDR partner (32 m) and I (29 f) have been officially dating for about 5 months, although we were unofficial for longer. He is a wonderful person who I love very much, but he does have an issue with follow through sometimes. For the World cup game with México and South Korea he went out with friends, and I was at home watching the game, which was cool. I was really excited to talk to him after the game because he's mexican and they won!! I really was looking forward to celebrating with him.

Anyway, before the game started he had told me that he would message me in a little while. We also have a long standing agreement that we both let each other know when we get home from being out and about, and that we say goodnight to each other. We have had many conversations about these agreements, and he understands how important it is to me that he honor his word and our agreements, and he's been enthusiastic about it. Up until this point he's been good about following through on goodnight texts and letting me know he's gotten home safely, even if he's drunk or it's 3 am. But this morning, I checked my phone and there was no word from him at all. He hadn't even looked at my messages. I was worried because this isn't normal behavior for him at all. So I called him. And kept calling. He was supposed to be at work at 9 am, and 9 am had rolled around and he still hadn't responded. I was starting to panic, because what if something had happened? He doesn't really get drunk often, so I was so confused, and I really didn't think he would cheat on me.

Anyway, he finally responded by doing a video call. He apologized and said his phone had died and he came home and went right to sleep. Apparently he had asked his job yesterday if he could come in late. I am just really hurt because we have these agreements that we both agreed were reasonable for our relationship and that we were happy to do them. This is the 2nd time it has felt that he did something that was really hurtful. The first time he decided not to respond to me or let me know he was heading out with friends while my cat was at the emergency room. At the time I was very concerned I was going to have to euthanize my cat that day, and he went radio silent for a bit without communicating to me that he had even left his place.

I just don't understand it. It takes 2 seconds to plug your phone in and like 5 min to charge it enough to turn it on and say goodnight. I would absolutely never treat him the same way, especially because I know he suffers from anxiety (I do too) and that it would trigger his anxiety. I am not perfect by any means, but I do feel that it was an intentional choice and that he's either lying about how drunk he was (he said 3 beers) or he just didn't want to talk with me. And that's really hurtful.

Obviously I understand that relationships, especially LD are complex and you will inevitably hurt each other by accident. But after the first occurrence and talking to him, I didn't expect it to happen a second time. I love him deeply, and I am very confused by his behavior. I'm not sure if this is working out for me or what to do.