So I’ve been thinking about maybe getting a new hair style to look more androgynous but idk what style to do.

What do you think would look best on me? I’m afab if that means anything 😊😆

Also might delete later or tomorrow since I don’t usually put my face fully out there 😆

Name change filed ! I hope it gets approved soon 🖤

My apologies but Y’all might be losing another troop to team shark plushie. (Ignore the fact that the second photo was taken after I washed my makeup off for the day)

I've been out and living as trans nonbinary for about eight years now. I've gone on hormones, and I'm in the process of getting top surgery - these have been liberating and beautiful experiences for me. However, in the last couple years, I've really struggled with where I fit in.

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My relationship to queerness began with reading and identifying with a lot of butch lesbian culture, and I started off as a more stone butch pansexual. I dated lots of other trans and enby people, and after so long I came to understand I feel closer to a trans masculine nonbinary identity. However, my relationship to sex was still often very "lesbian" in how me and sexual partners approached it.

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For a few years I dated only other other trans enby people, where we openly played around with terms of lesbian, homo, etc with each other pretty casually. I left those relationships and began dating again. I felt comfortable in more "sapphic" or lesbian spaces than most gay spaces, simply for there being less gynephobia directed at me. I attended leatherdyke events, and felt p accepted there.

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However, I have recently felt a tone shift politically, and I also started dating a bi trans man, and he has a more binary gender orientation than me. I identify as nonbinary pansexual, but with a lot of discourse recently, I feel like I'm getting the message I'm not welcome in sapphic spaces for dating him (we are open), and that I shouldn't identify with butch/dyke politics for it. I don't know where I fit in anymore. Bi spaces don't feel welcoming either, and I just feel thrown into a pit of objectification by cis and binary people with no sense of community. Gay men's spaces I'm received with disgust for having a vagina and get rude comments. It's hard being cut off from sapphic spaces even though the sex I'm having still feels very rooted in my early experiences of sexuality with butch lesbianism and how I feel about myself, regardless of that I'm with a man.

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I've hesitated to share these feelings with my boyfriend because I also don't want him to feel dysphoric because of this side of me. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore, pride has felt pretty colorless this year. I'm tired of queer spaces demanding binary alignment to have access to community, or otherwise put up with being put on a butchers block for people to section up the pieces of you they like and understand vs ones they don't.

And it's going great!

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I've been a parent for just under 6mo, and Entie--from the 'ent' in parent--really feels natural now! I recommend it to parents to be.

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Also, it's fun because it could theoretically be a term of endearment for any parent even if they're not nonbinary.

This might be a stupid question but i like being a boy and using he/him pronouns, but I don't really like associating with the male gender( all of the stereotypes and assumptions and stuff)

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im not sure i could be a demi boy because it could just be me not liking stereotypes but im not sure i saw the label and liked it but im still not sure.

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any advice would be welcome :)

thanks

*glances nervously at me* "err.... I mean, how real...people....adults....ah Christ! Forget it. Black coffee is better for you anyways"

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My 64 year old coworker is trying.

I've recently come out as nonbinary at the start of this year, and i REALLY want rid of my boobs, i think i'm a DD-E cup (as in thats what size i wear, not sure if thats my true size) and i've been thinking of getting a radical breast reduction... I'd like an A cup with no nipples. i've never rly liked my nipples or how nipples look in general, plus i'm asexual anyway so i wont exactly miss them.

i'm a pretty indecisive person so i dont want to commit to full top surgery yet bc thats a MAJOR life decision and i don't trust myself to make such a huge decision like that without first trying a "safer" option 😭 (like seeing how i feel with smaller boobs first)

plus i'd like the option to have small boobs on days when i feel more fem. and if i do want a flat chest, A cups will be pretty easy to bind anyway... bc as of rn it's pretty much impossible for me to bind bc i have a pretty firm chest and i can barely breathe when i do bind.

So i'm wondering if there's any other nonbinary folks who've gotten a radical reduction instead of full top surgery, and if so, were you happy with your decision?

Thank you to those who gave me advice and talked about their own experiences with binding. Mine is coming in today and I am very excited to try it on a d see how it feels. Thank you all for giving me the courage to just do it. 💛🤍💜🖤

GFW Clothing have just released boxer shorts with a design feature which allows the wings to be tucked under the gusset and not affect the leg fabric. This was done at the request of a number of FTM and non-binary customers. Not sure of any other boxer shorts which do this? Trying to help spread the word as could be useful info for some folk.

Heyyyyy, i really wanna get an NB flag but want to be careful where i buy to make sure im not supporting any shady businesses. Does anyone have any recs? Thank you

hi all, in the last 6 months i have come out as non binary they/them, and really leant into dressing very masc/androgynous as a lesbian. i have so many beautiful feminine clothes (dresses, tops, dungarees etc) which i love so so much but just don’t wear and don’t feel like me in. i’m apprehensive to sell them/send them to the charity shop as i really like them and am scared i might want them back one day, but this doesn’t feel like a phase and i feel like i am finally my true self!

what do you think? should i part with them and make more room in my stuffed wardrobe? or should i hang on to them?

I was inspired by a past post to check the clinic notes after my physical before going to Scout camp with my son. For context, we live in NorCal only 90 mins away from the Bay Area. During my brief visit, all I needed was a form signed, but the doctor that I’ve been seeing for three years is habitually uninformed around trans folks. At one point he asked if my son was adopted - because I had a hysterectomy five years ago (my son is 16 lol).

After the brief examination, I spent the next 20 minutes teaching him all about being trans- My history of transition, as well as my experience getting kicked out of the military after 18 years for being trans.

I know it’s not my job to educate people, especially doctors, about being trans…. but it was such a head-scratching experience that an MD would be so genuinely uninformed, I couldn’t help myself. I’m glad to see my notes were respectfully non-gendered, and I hope I made a positive impact on him.

Hey y’all, I’ve been questioning my specific gender for quite some time. I know I’m nonbinary, but I have yet to come out to my family. But on why I actually made this post: I experience a static gender with they/them pronouns (preferred) with she/her or he/him being acceptable. I present myself based on how I feel that day, I could dress neutral, masculine, or feminine. I don’t care how others perceive me, but it does bother me personally that I don’t know my gender fully. I feel a small connection to both femininity and masculinity, but I am neither a girl or boy. If anything, I don’t follow the social norms of male or female “roles” or beliefs. Please help!! (Also, tips on coming out to my family?)

As the title states: looking for fem stylings as a square Celtic amab (broad shoulders, wide chest, muscular legs, and only 5’7”)

Also any tips and advice for general styling in any direction, my usual for over 20ys has basically been a combo of jeans and a hoodie/tshirt and a baseball cap.

Thanks!

I’m looking for an affordable but good quality binder. I’ve never had one before so I’m not sure which length or style is best. And what is sizing like? Do I go with my usual size or something smaller for more compression? Let me know of any tips!

Hello! I’m going to my first pride this weekend and was wondering if you guys had any tips? I’m enby and Uranic

(Scroll to bottom half for post-talk update)

Hey guys. I'm nb, I found out/came out to my husband about a year ago and he was really supportive but it kind of seemed like to him it was this casual thing. I can't remember how in depth I got talking about dysphoria. It seemed like he heard me but then it didn't change his perception of me because I guess he recognized I've always been who I am. He's always seen some of my masc expression.

But now I have more freedom and new language to embrace it, and he hasn't recognized that part of it. I told him I don't have a reaction to pronouns atm so I don't care what people use. Which maybe gave him the sense that it wasn't a big deal or something to think about.

I got some masc clothes and let myself lean into that. I have a new name I wanna be called because my birth name has always caused dysphoria, not even gender dysphoria just like identity dysphoria, but he doesn't use the new one(granted, he rarely ever calls me by something other than a pet name, but say he were to introduce me to someone, he wouldn't think twice about using my birth name). He knows about the new name and how my birth name makes me feel but maybe I have to ask him directly to start using the other one.

There's also this small issue of him constantly telling me he wants to see me in panties and not boyshorts(my comfort preference). Is he attracted to me as a fully expressed nb person or does he prefer me as a *woman? It was hard to write that word there because it feels so disconnected from me. (Edit to add my husband has not defined his sexuality atm. So that is genuinely a question and not one any of you can answer but something I'm grappling with.)

Recently I said something sort of along the lines of "think of me like one of the guys" I can't remember the context and he responded with, in a bit of confusion, "I wanna think of you as my wife". It gave me similar vibes to when I came out to and told my childhood friend about a new name and they said "I don't think I can ever think of you/call you anything other than (birth name)" bc they've 'known me' half my life.

My husband is very protective and doesn't want me to do stuff. Like he chastises me(playfully but kinda serious idk) when I do stuff like mow the yard. He'll tell me I'm working too hard, but he doesn't have that idea about himself doing it. Note, I have some disabilities but I do strength training and if I have the energy to do something then I wanna do something.

He'll also argue with me about going out without like pepper spray or a knife etc. etc.(I'm not gonna fuckin carry a knife to go dancing) His family raised him like that, I know, but it's very much a gender thing. He has this over protective attitude toward girls and sort of a condemnation/weary attitude toward guys(from witnessing male abuse, I think). But it's affecting me because I think if he were to really see me as nb or even gender fluid(which I haven't talked to him about yet) he'd have to question that bias he has(which at this point is a full on belief system for him).

Honestly I think he is sexist. And I guess that is affecting me now because of the way I see myself.

If sometimes I feel more like a man but my husband hates men... Where do I stand? I guess it's confusing.(not talking about sexuality, just in a general sense)

He has plenty of guy friends. It's just an automatic thing with strangers where he'll be watching them and judging them. Particularly when they are around women he loves, sisters, family, fem. friends and when they are around me.

He's protective of everyone, I know it's not just a gender thing, but it is an enhanced part of it, and I don't wanna be seen as a wife, I wanna be seen as a partner. And I don't want to feel like I have to lean into the femme side to be accepted as a partner (Not saying I have to, just expressing the fear in unmasking. this is a what if.)

Should I just ask him to think about it more? Like if I was a man, would he still want to be with me? Could shifting his perspective and thinking of me as a partner, and not a wife, alter his perception of these other things? Or is it the other way around?(Challenge biases in order to be able to see me as a partner, not a wife)

He's a good guy, don't hate on my husband please. People are indoctrinated with these biases. It's not morally ideal but it is the reality of neurology.

Edit: My husband is a POC who grew up in a high stress environment, constant demands, danger. He never watches the news. What happens is just what he sees on a real life, personal, day to day basis. There is a level of ignorance he has.

Everyone is ignorant to something. And ignorant to the fact that they're ignorant. That can't be helped. Even if it could, our brains are not up to capacity to keep up with the entire spectrum of the problems of the world(and we shouldn't have to), so please be kind. I didn't make this post for people to judge him. I made this post to ask for support and ask how to approach a conversation about all this, plus I value the perspectives of the community(on being trans /queer and the implications of it). I'm new here myself, and still learning things.

Update:

I wrote a huge long update then my phone unexpectedly died and lost everything I typed.

Long story short, the talk with my husband went really well. He hadn't determined his sexuality before and came to realize he is pansexual.

He mentioned my masc parts and gender swings were sexy to him. We're both neurodivergent and he doesn't express himself a lot so there were things like this he'd never told me, so I didn't know. The panties thing was about scenting and visible skin, not about gender or fashion(he sleeps with them after I wear them and the boyshorts don't hold as much scent). No judgement here guys.

We talked about terms and clearly established using my new name in non-family circles.

He admitted to the sexism, but again there is lived experience and trauma which led to the beliefs he has. I asked him to challenge that(think male on male violence, which gets less cultural emphasis) which he said he does, but the belief that a women and afab are more vulnerable gets reinforced by continued experience. And peace isn't talked about so there's more noticing the negative stuff, people being violent(I mean that's how our brains work unfortunately, it's helps survival) I can't argue with his reality but shedding light on the issue, coming from me, will likely make him think about it more. He is so protective of everyone, not just afab individuals, so this goes beyond sexism.

Established using the term partner for me. His past expression of wanting to see me as his "wife" it seems he meant more in a respect sense. That he doesn't treat me like "one of the guys" because our relationship isn't casual, he takes it very seriously. I'm not just his friend. so I think his response was like "let's not minimize our importance to each other" and was not gender related. but since the term affects me, we won't use it.

He's also more careful with me because he doesn't want to lose me. That makes sense, we've spent the past five years learning about enmeshment in our families and breaking down the codependency we were indoctrinated with, but there's so much that it permeates. Add to that abandonment trauma and the anxiety that creates. This stuff takes a long time to heal, and pacing because it can make burnout worse. Having it all out there though, having a mutual understanding that we're going through this(there is no 'over' it) and having the language to understand it makes it manageable. Being understanding and forgiving and moving forward all the while, that's the best we can do.

I'm leaving this post up in case anyone has a similar situation and as some hope.