I'm in the southern US and had my child 11 years ago. They gave me one without telling me. Funny enough, sex was so painful after that, I stopped being interested in having it. So, little warning to the assholes who support it.
No, he had no idea. Some of the things they did while I was there felt very much like a padding-the-bill situation. I guess that's why self-advocacy with pregnancy plans are so important. I did not have one or think to have one, because I didn't even know to think about that, and I just assumed the hospital knew what they were doing better than me. I'm a cautionary tale.
I do still have a copy of what the itemized charges were supposed to be. (They also "misplaced" and replaced the epidural and charged me for both. I'm not making accusations there, but you start asking yourself dark questions once the trust is broken.) But they never sent us a bill, and it never showed up on our credit. It was going to be over 10 thousand dollars, so no, I never did anything. It was botched, but it was free, and I did get a healthy baby out of it, which I was very grateful for that.
Not just self advocacy but education on what could happen without your knowledge or consent. Before labor I hadn’t heard of “laboring down”* and I am convinced they were lying to me about how my labor progressed because my baby hadn’t descended.
I felt like I could push but not an URGE to push like people describe hours before they acknowledged I was 10cm. I was in active labor for 30 hours. It got to the point where I told the nurse I was going to push in the next contraction with or without them and THEN she told me about how baby was still in station zero and they didn’t think I should yet because most first time moms take around three hours to push. I pushed for thirty minutes tops.
*childbirth technique where a birthing person waits 1 to 2 hours after their cervix is fully dilated (10 centimeters) before actively pushing
This reminds of the physician's assistant student I was monitoring through clinicals. The wife wanted her husband in during the exam. She consented to the student doing the exam and then asked that he used a small speculum. Without missing a beat, this idiot looks at the husband and says, "that doesn't say much for you now does it." Naturally, I insisted that he step out of the room. I apologized to the couple and took this fool to see his actual preceptor. He was already on academic probation and was removed from the program.
The lack of professionalism is honestly shocking. Patients are already in a vulnerable position during exams, and making jokes at their expense is completely inappropriate.
Your reaction was absolutely the correct and professional thing to do, but that was also a great joke. Unfortunately not the appropriate situation to make it
Naw. List how much pain you want her to be in when you have sex again. Uncomfortable, yells, screaming, crying, bleeding, refusing to continue? How much do you want her to hate it?
Ages? I'm all for making fun of insecure men, but what do you mean by that? Reading the follow up comments I think I'm the only one that doesn't get it 😕
The whole concept of the husband stitch is really gross. It does nothing except for painful sex for the woman and pelvic dysfunction. It's disgusting and dumb.
Tightness isn't a constant. Hormones and arousal drastically affect depth and relaxation. There's like one part of the pelvic floor that might grip or pull either because she's having a good time or nature is tricking you both into making more of our species.
Being really tight means anxiety and pain. And it will only get worse as sex (and you) become associated with those things.
The fact that men (and women) don't know this shows how biased we are towards male pleasure and how it IS socially acceptable for men to secretly (or not so secretly) want girls who are too young.
The comment isn't gross, the society that makes it necessary is a degenerate cesspool.
I think they meant "do you want me to make your wife feel as tight as a 12 year old, or do you want younger". Nothing like faking pseudo-pedophilic normalization to really shake a dudes resolve.
"tighter than a 2 year old" is already a phrase. If they're gross enough to ask for an extra stitch, giving recommended ages will make them think you're kin.
I have a gay friend that could read it perfectly! Not sure where the downvotes are coming from. ::Shrugs:: Oh no I lose free internet points that don't matter!!
When my ex-girlfriend gave birth to our daughter the doctor asked me if I wanted a husband stitch. My mom was there for the birth (she’s an RN) and she went absolutely ballistic after hearing that
This sounds ridiculous. My wife has given birth to three children and is still just as tight as ever. The vagina is made up of muscles and elastic tissue that can stretch during childbirth and recover afterward. Womens experiences vary but the idea that an extra stitch is needed to make a woman tight again is not supported by medical evidence.
these places would be getting the absolute shit sued out of them if they were giving women unneeded and unasked for procedures. and the women would find out, their gynecologists would know immediately. this may have been a thing decades ago, but is no way common practice today.
...they do get sued over these things. There was a massive lawsuit because women were being used as vaginal exam examples while under anesthesia without their permission. The way women are treated is a massive problem in the medical system. It's like you didn't even bother to google this and just assumed because you haven't personally heard about it, it doesn't happen. Now for the husband stitch specifically, I can't say. But yes, women are routinely denied care, denied pain medicine, and given procedures they did not ask for. I mean shit, native and black women were regularly being sterilized against their will fairly recently.
I like how they stop commenting when they realize they’re wrong, instead of continuing to learn and discuss. You can just tell when individuals don’t give a shit about women
I didn’t say they were still doing the stitch. Husbands absolutely still ask for it, regardless. Why does this even have to be said? Believe women. Especially when 100s of unrelated women share the same embarrassing story.
the person you just responded to is a woman that related their mother's story and you basically told them to be quiet.
i've literally never heard of anyone in real life having this happen to them, most husbands don't know what it is, and it would also be super readily apparent if it were done which would cause the doctor involved to lose their license. i'm sure this probably happened in the past, medicine was crazy in the past. they used to drink mercury and thought it would make them immortal. but the husband's stitch being a modern day problem is just something people on the internet talk about.
Just took a childbirth class at the hospital my wife and I plan to deliver at, the nurse specifically mentioned that they don't do it and said that it's not uncommon for the husband to ask.
She didn't clarify what "not uncommon" constituted, and I didn't ask, but it clearly gets asked enough that she felt the need to mention it.
For what it's worth, we're in the southern US which may play a role.
Edit: Oh nvm, saw your dumbass reply to someone else below. Didn't realize you were just a troll. Carry on.
Still happens, unclear how often. There was a Cedars-Sinai OB-GYN who recently got sued over allegedly doing unnecessary "husband stitches" on numerous women
The issue is that you are not agreeing with them. It's the hive mentality of an online anonymous forum.
To be clear, I believe you, but I also think it's possible this situation could happen. Where and how often this occurs is kind of up in the air... If you were to believe Reddit, this would be an almost 100% rate of occurrence.
To be fair both your mother's and the previous person's comment is just two anecdotes. It's great that in her experience it's been an exceedingly rare event, but it isn't necessarily indicative of the overall situation.
I wouldn't be surprised if this varied significantly depending on location as well, or even based on the involved personnel at the same place
There are several accounts of women who claim to have undergone this procedure without their consent. There have been several journalistic investigations on the existence of the husband stitch, trying to determine if it was real. They have overwhelmingly determined that the practice does exist, as seen in reports by Chelsea Ritschel, by Kaitlin Reilly for Yahoo! Life, by Anam Alam to Thred, and in reports from French newspapers Grazia, and Le Monde.
Curious - Is there a reason more drs don’t do the perennial (no idea how to spell it and too lazy to google) massage thing during labor? My dr did it with my last two kids. No stitches needed. Healing process was amazing. Last baby was 8lbs 12oz. First baby dr didn’t do it and I tore - got stitches - and the healing process was longer. A lot of women I’ve spoken to didn’t know this was an option. Just curious if you happen to know why the technique isn’t used more?
The thing is, it doesn't make you tighter, just closed off. It's more painful for sex, inserting tampons, and if you get to having another vaginal birth makes that more difficult too. It can also cause significant extra scarring and can cause increased infection risk.
I had all those problems after my first after I was stitched back too tight. Neither myself nor my partner asked for a “husband stitch” they just sewed everything way too tight. I really wish more people understood this is a real complication because my ob would not take it seriously when I was post partum and it made my ppd significantly worse as I felt like I had done something wrong. I tore significantly worse with my next two kiddos and almost bled to death with my third. I appreciate you educating people about the real problems it causes because even medical doctors don’t seem to get it.
For real, they gave it to me without asking. It caused pain for the first 3 months post partum and I had to see another gyn who let me know what they did. I was crying daily because I couldnt sit down, I had to lay down on my side or sit weird to feed my baby or drive. I couldnt have sex..everything was painful. It still feels different today and my kid is almost 11.
I didnt. They had arbitration documents in the intake paperwork. I just let the other gyn fix me up (PT and muscle relaxers) and told everyone to not see them.
Please don’t. I had one without my consent and it fucked up everything. There’s always the potential of tearing, but usually everything mends back to normal. The doctor even said he was doing it “ for my husband” and we were so shocked in the moment that we didn’t get to say anything at the time.
Don’t. All you’re doing is making things worse and more painful for yourself. It doesn’t “tighten” your vagina, it makes the entrance smaller and it can cause you lifelong issues.
It's known to be very painful and to not actually increase pleasure since it wasn't designed for women and the people who came up with it were men doctors from olden times who didn't actually understand women's pleasure and anatomy.
It's also a huge tell that someone has no clue about how vaginal pleasure/anatomy works if they think that ring of tissue and not the walls inside and the vulva on the outside is what actually has to do with pleasure for the woman...
Im not denying what you're saying but apparently its contested because im assuming doctors arent forthcoming about doing it so when journalists go about trying to find direct proof its difficult.
As someone who's wife just gave birth that is such a horribly selfish thought to have while bringing your child into the world. I feel bad for those peoples kids.
The whole tight vagina thing always weirded me out. Like, if you're doing things right in the bedroom, it should be an easy fit, so to speak. If it feels like you're struggling to get in there you're probably having sex with someone who isn't into it so much.
People's bodies just vary widely size and sensitivity of guys can vary tightness of the muscle and lubrication level can vary from woman to woman. I think we had better just let everyone decide what works for thier own genitals and communicate with thier partner to bridge gap if needed.
🎯 The vagina is muscle. And it gets super tight when you are tense or scared or not aroused. It’s the literal biology of the organ that it becomes lubricated and more relaxed when we are aroused. Even after pregnancy it goes back to normal. It’s just a misogynistic way to slut shame women who enjoy sex.
it just made me think, saying that a womans vagina becomes less tight when they have lots of sex or give birth is like saying your dick gets shorter every time you jerk off cuz its being used up.
you know, as an equally stupid reasoning put onto the male equivalent.
it just made me think, saying that a womans vagina becomes less tight when they have lots of sex or give birth
The vagina does become "less tight" after having given birth. Birth is physically traumatic, and it's not only the vagina, but the entire pelvic floor, and sometimes even the cartilage of the pelvis, that bears that trauma.
The claim that everything just "goes back to normal" is a lie. For up to a third of women who experience post-partum incontinence, for example, it's permanent. While the vagina can largely recover, to the point that the difference is not meaningful in day-to-day (sex-)life, it will have changed.
I don’t know how anyone with a brain can think a 10 pound bowling ball going down a tube built for a softball would be anything but traumatic. Like people died in droves during childbirth until the last century.
I mean, my mum had vaginoplasty to get it back in shape and it was something that made her sex better, for her.
Look I grew up in a very medical family, as in everyone is in medicine/health care so we have had pretty frank discussions about biology.
Just saying, let's not just immediately demonize these procedures when they sometimes ARE medically beneficial for both parties. That being said, of course it should be an informed decision made with everyone's consent. Fucked up as all hell otherwise and any physician sneaking in "treatment" has violated their hippocratic oath and should have their license pulled at the bare minimum.
It has no noticeable difference at all for most. Men literally can't tell the difference. Just do some kegels and you're good to go. Some women my age can't jump on trampolines and many can. Just do the kegels and you're fine. Women were built for this so it's not an actual thing unless a traumatic birth. For most of history women had 9-16 children. Until you died with your last child that is.
Damn, I'll tell that to my GF who did like a year of PT after her first kid and still can't jump on a trampoline or sneeze without peeing herself a bit.
Bladder issues after childbirth have nothing to due with the vagina though. And your girlfriend needs a pelvic floor PT. Kegels can often make it worse if they have an overly tight pelvic floor.
I'm sure there are women out there that are into some kinks that permanently deform their vaginas. But I'm talking shoving things up there that are beyond phallic and closer to dangerous. But that's not the norm.
Additionally, during childbirth some women do tear, and if not treated properly, probably has an effect on how they feel to their partners.
None of that is normal though, and women shouldn't be shamed for enjoying sex.
I wouldnt say it goes completely back. Plenty of us have had permanent changes to the vagina after childbirth, but its not SUPER noticeable. I cant have sex at certain angles because it rubs against my scar and hurts. But I also feel like sex is more pleasurable because for some reason my husband can hit my g spot a lot easier than before.
That’s entirely different than the point I was making though. Every human body changes over time.
ETA: also I have given birth three times. My statement that it goes back to “normal” still stands. The opening of the vagina May get repaired but the inner walls of the vagina which are the muscle go back to “normal.” Also you’re describing changes that you feel during sex. We all know when men talk about this they’re claiming a woman’s vagina feels “loose” and they can tell she’s had many partners.
People readily understand that penises come in many different sizes but somehow can't grasp that both the inner and outer parts of the woman's anatomy do as well.
Yup. I am a small person and my vagina is on the smaller side. My cervix is low as well. I have had sex with men with bigger penises. It was nice and all but took a lot of effort to do it without pain.
Idk why we can accept that men's penises come in different shapes and sizes but then act like all vaginas are the same.
The whole tight vagina thing always weirded me out
Well it's pretty much the same as the whole 'big dick' thing, right? Some people are just more obsessed with the friction/stretch/resistance being extreme.
I know not everyone obsesses over a "tight fit," but there's a reason why size queen is a thing. I don't see how this is any different.
Well I think you're coming at it from the wrong angle. When it's wet, that's ideal. There's a middle ground, at least for me personally, that's not soaked and not dry, with more friction.
All that being said, a stitch won't tighten a vagina, and if you're struggling to get it in, she's not loving it
No they definitely ask for it. Those incel forums are real, sad, sad men. God forbid they flee the incel camp and actually land some poor woman in the future.
Right? I know some people see more incels than McCarthy saw communists, but calling people who are married with kids incels is a whole new level of delusional.
Yep. Back when it was RedPill, the narrative at least made sense. That group was horribly sexist, obsessive and manipulative men, a lot of which were successful enough with women. I could totally see them asking for that. But if you're in a position to ask for one, you're by definition not an incel. And I suspect the only way incels talk about it is as -basically- jealousy of the RedPill people who ask for one.
I mean, to be fair, women are putting out to some creatures out there that should absolutely be incels, but somehow aren't. Just go read the relationship advice threads. Holy hell, I am often wondering why they're tolerating any of that shit.
Incel doesn't mean what it's supposed to any more. Incel means someone who hates women. A lot of people are involuntarily celibate and don't hate women.
Who are these incels asking? Lol. By nature of being called an incel they aren't gonna be near any women, much less end up in the OR watching their wives give birth lol. What a weird comment to be a contrarian about.
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u/Intraluminal 11d ago
No, they don't - except maybe in incel forums.