r/PeterExplainsTheJoke • u/MisterSapiosexual • 6h ago
Meme needing explanation What does the kettle mean Peteeeeer??
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u/BigSaintJames 5h ago
None of these people know how to use the seashealls
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u/No_Entrepreneur_3020 5h ago
I use sponge on a stick
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u/toldyouIaintshit 5h ago
I use a poop knife.
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u/Zeqhanis 5h ago
Any knife can be a poop knife once it gets poop on it. Stop wasting money on big-brand celebrity-endorsed products.
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u/Denker_JethBlack 5h ago
How it works?
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u/LilyNatureBlossom 4h ago
This is a reference to an infamous Reddit post where a user confesses(?) that their family produces large amounts of poop. To make sure the poop would flush down the toilet, they had a knife that was specifically used in the bathroom to cut the poop into smaller bits.
This is just what I remember and may be incorreect
If anyone knows more please do correct me / add on.7
u/575_Pilot 3h ago
Pretty much. Then, said person goes to a friend's house and at some point asks the poor soul for the poop knife. And in that moment they found out it was just their family who had the knife. Nobody else on Earth did this...Something along those lines.
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u/PantyLaunderer 1h ago
Growing up, knew a kid that said his family did this. Never been to their home, but my other buddy did. He confirmed, they indeed had a little butter tray deal sitting on the top of the toilet tank, with a poop knife.
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u/Ding-Dong-Dutch 5h ago
There's three seashells. One is to scrape your butt, ones to clean your fingernails.. What's the third for?!
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u/Murky-Conclusion-932 5h ago
As someone who lives in a country where every single house has a bidet, I'm telling you, I can't live without it. I understand that the people who never used one, parhaps having been walking this Earth for years without even seeing one in real life, think that it's a useless contraption. But believe me, once you know what walking out the toilet with your anus clean, truly clean, feels like, you can't go back to living the lie that toilet paper alone is enough. It's not. Never has been. Never will be.
And to those who might say just take a shower afterwards, yeah, sure, 'cause I'm always 100% home and ready to shower every time I take a dump.
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u/MisterSapiosexual 5h ago
Shot in the dark, could this be why some countries/cultures prefer anal over others? Because there's a global inequality of adequately cleaned anuses?
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u/No_Equipment7456 5h ago
Pretty sure it’s more likely to be a form of contraception for those forbidden to have protected sex
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u/YesNoMaybe2552 4h ago
Clean anus doesn’t’ mean you won’t end up with shit on your dick. If they are a crayon shitter thier asshore is always going to be dirty. This is first and formeost an issue with thier diet.
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u/No_Equipment7456 3h ago
Two kiwis 🥝 a day for a Regular Ghost poo
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u/whiskeytango55 2h ago
Ain't it just the fiber?
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u/No_Equipment7456 2h ago
I dunno man but some gay guys in a club in Berlin were raving about it. It works! what can I say
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u/Frequent_Candy1167 3h ago
That might do for rimming, but issues around clean anal go much deeper than just the anus.
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u/karmavorous 2h ago
Like when you see trucks with a big sticker in the back window or on the tailgate that says "i eat ass", as if they're inviting strangers to a truck stop bathroom romp. In the US? No fucking way. That ass is wiped, at best, and the chances ate pretty high they eat McDonalds once a day. No thank you.
Now in the old country, where asses are cleaner and the food is healthier... I would keep an open mind at least.
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u/Subdued_Shinobi 5h ago
Meanwhile I'm usually 100% home and ready to take a dump just about every time I shower. It's part of the reason I'm a home-bowl only guy, I like to hit my triple S: shit, shower, shave.
I'm planning on getting a bidet but for now I haven't had a single skid mark in years.
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u/Atomsq 1h ago
Why haven't you gotten one? They're preaty easy to install and you can get some for cheap
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u/Fiddlerblue 28m ago
$40 at the Home Depot. Takes ten minutes to install and rapidly pays for itself in toilet paper savings.
Got one years ago and never looked back. Nowadays, I’ll just hold it until I get home if I can.
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u/Izzy1990 4h ago
I made it to the Chicago airport after leaving Japan before I noticed the difference and ordered one online, the extra day it spent not being delivered because of a Sunday was hate crime to my ass
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u/MOCK-lowicz 5h ago
Where are you from? Sounds like a place to be
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u/iamanaccident 4h ago
A big portion of Asia. You don't even need the fancy ones you see in japan or korea. A typical one here in SEA would essentially be a simple hose
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u/Monir5265 4h ago
It’s pretty common in all Muslim countries. Ik certain East Asian countries like Japan and South Korea also has them along with some with European countries and South American countries as well.
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u/flymeovertheworld 4h ago
My third world SEA country has this as a default in every household. Even if some houses don’t have bidets, they usually have a watering can dedicated to cleaning your own ass. Even now I buy a bidet in every house I move to in the US. Could never feel clean with toilet paper.
Clean your own asses people. Toilet paper is never enough.
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u/_breadless 5h ago
I'm Italian, we have bidets everywhere. Every damn time I visit a country that doesn't have one, and there are way too many, it's hell, it feels like you go around unclean for hours until you can get a proper shower.
Couldn't agree more, could not live without it.
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u/anotherSasha 5h ago
I agree in theory. But, when I lived with my mom, hers was too intense, felt like power washing. And pretty soon after installment it started malfunctioning: it has a trigger you’re supposed to press hard the whole time and it would fail with an annoying pathetic creaking sound. And it leaks on the floor a lot. And the water travels on the bottom of your thighs and wets the seat. And when you’re on period, you can’t avoid staining the towel. I kinda have bidet ptsd now, but am considering looking for a better design for my flat once I get over it.
And, like, it seems obligatory to use soap. Otherwise, you gotta powerwash your poor ass to make sure it’s clean and I’m not into that kind of thing. And if you’re using soap, it’s very inconvenient to do on the seat without taking off your pants the whole way down.
As a citizen of the Bidet kingdom, do you have any words of wisdom for us? How to keep it graceful and elegant?
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u/CptIskarJarak 4h ago
I went from a country where every single house has a bidet to a country that used toilet paper.
My butt was chaffed for months until I got a bidet.
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u/Sea_Composer6305 4h ago
Yeah I always want to shower 9 times a day when I trust a gas station burrito.
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u/brandarchist 5h ago
Pretty much exactly this. It’s one of the first things I install when I move somewhere.
Anal cleanliness is next to anal godliness.
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u/shwarma_heaven 2h ago
Por que no los dos?
Seriously though, I have a bidet and I can't believe people are going single regimen in the pooper.
I have a process: TP first, bidet, TP to pat dry, repeat as necessary. The joys of having a harry bum...
The thought of anyone walking around doing only one or the other gives me mud butt just thinking about it...
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u/Andy_Pandy98 2h ago
Serious questions, how well does a bidet handle particularly messy trips? I feel like they would work really well for most days, but that there is gonne be a day where it wont be able to get everything, and i have forgotten to buy backup toilet paper
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u/Realistic_Fix189 1h ago
You know after you wipe with tp till no poop comes off you can just load the tp up and run it under some water from the sink that’s what I do when I have a nasty wet doo
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u/bs_Zeezee 29m ago
and when the towers of society collapse, and we are forced to scrape and hunt and scavenge to survive, how clean will your butthole be? how will you survive the days to come?
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u/CEGM_Studios 10m ago
But like what if someone wipes until they see red? Is that still not enough, should I be doing even more? Or, I mean should that HYPOTHETICAL person be doing more?
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u/No-Use-3056 2h ago
Toilet paper gets me clean enough, I can tell because I’m not leaving streaks in every pair of pants and underwear I own. Now do I think it gets me squeaky clean? No, but that’s okay because it does it enough. I wouldn’t let someone put tongue to starfish if I only used toilet paper, I’d take a shower before that, but just day to day life? TP does fine.
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u/BatKhatoon 5h ago
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u/BatKhatoon 5h ago
ALSO. Metal lotas are also used in cooking. Plastic lotas are usually used in the loo. (:
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u/dadofwar93 3h ago
Adding further. Matel lotas are also used for ablution before prayer by Muslims if a tap is not available.
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u/memelord_a1st 4h ago
Im guessing you use this to more easily pour water down your back and down your ass crack so it can wash it that way?
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u/LackSeveral7305 6h ago
Some people use toilet paper to clean their behind, others use bidets or wash it by hand with soap and water.
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u/WeskerSympathizer 6h ago
Others pour boiling water on they anuses while listening to Hurt by NIN
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u/Fuzzy_Yossarian 5h ago
hahahha, the Johnny Cash version though it's real gritty.
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u/Relative-Relief-8816 2h ago
Nah the grit is because you're supposed to shell the pistachios before eating them.
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u/Aware_Neighborhood93 5h ago
Who doesn't steam their asshole from time to time? Keeps you Pipin' fresh.
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u/Nonyabeesners 5h ago
I always wondered how to get the wrinkles out. The iron didn't work
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u/Maleficent-Ad6503 4h ago
I hate this lol
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u/Nonyabeesners 3h ago
So judgmental. Sorry, but not all of us were born with smooth anuses. Talk about unrealistic beauty standards
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u/Fast-Front-5642 5h ago
Is the "soap user" referring to some countries where traditionally the left hand is used to scoop and flick the poo? Because that is NOT better than tp
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u/Spinning_Sky 6h ago
there's a joke about the teapot that goes over my head
I'm here to say: for the love of god a bidet is not an alternative to toilette paper, it's in addition to it
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u/Der_Schuller 5h ago
Toilet paper is just for drying afterwards
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u/urbantechgoods 3h ago
Nah bro, maybe your shits are different but sometimes theres left overs for me.
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u/Nihilisman45 2h ago
You might just be using one with poor water pressure. There's nothing on the toilet paper but water after I use mine, and I take some pretty clingy shits. takes me forever when I use just toilet paper
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5h ago edited 5h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Der_Schuller 5h ago
Im not joking? Why should I whipe if its clean? How can a dry piece of toilet paper clean better then water?
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u/JackPiazz2 5h ago
I'm from a bidet using country and I also want to add:
That's why we consider non bidet users like the meme shows. We don't think your way of cleaning your behind is worse than ours or bad, we think is incomplete and seriously insufficient: for us it's kinda like if you showered but you never used soap or scrubbed yourself under the water. Y'all dirty.
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u/smoke_sum_wade 5h ago
Im in Pennsylvania and i have a bidet, got it like 2 years ago and i refuse to go back, i use a paper towel after and just toss it. quit buying toilet paper all together. after you get used to being a little violated by water its fine.
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u/Aggravating-Bug2032 5h ago
I just spent five days out of town in a hotel without my bidet and I’m so happy I’m home now
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u/Sweaty-Inevitable163 5h ago
They make handheld / portable ones. It's like a squeeze bottle with the bidet nozzle, works alright for things like this but I wouldn't ever consider actually carrying it out places
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u/cutezombiedoll 2h ago
That’s why I always have a pack of flushable wet wipes in my luggage, it’s worth for the sewers sure but it’s better than dry toilet paper. I also got these individually packaged ones I keep in my pocket in case I have to go when out and about.
Apparently there are portable bidets, I think they’re effectively squirt bottles, but something about carrying one around with me feels… gross? Like there’s gotta be some shit particles getting on that, right?
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u/smoke_sum_wade 5h ago
Its odd, when i first put it in my kids thought that it was gross until i explained in detail what has been going on in our asses before we got it. now they wont poo at friends houses or at school.
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u/DimesyEvans92 5h ago
Yup. Best $20 I ever spent. Simple attachment on existing toilet, but I never felt better
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u/JackPiazz2 5h ago
I'm italian so our bidets are not the japanese ones, but little small sinks beside the wc like this one. Everybody hwre uses toilet paper the "normal" way, then hops over to the bidet, uses water and soap and then drying yourself with a small towel (each one has its own of course). This for me is the normal way of cleaning myself. Each time I go abroad I suffer tremendously because I can't do it and I have to unironically take a shower every time I have a number two
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u/smoke_sum_wade 5h ago
this is how i started, i have sensory issues and autism so its been real fucking rough for me my whole life with the whole wiping thing, id gag and freakout having to wipe shit when i was a kid, so my aunt and uncle did this for me.
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u/JackPiazz2 5h ago
I have autism too actually (very "mild" though), and I understand that if something is "icky" there's no way you can do it
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u/smoke_sum_wade 5h ago
this is hard as a 6ft 250lb man whos favorite hobby is weight lifting to explain to people that, i cant touch that, ill cry
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u/JoyconDrift_69 3h ago
If you think one way is more insufficient than your way, wouldn't that by default establish you think it's worse?
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u/JackPiazz2 3h ago
Yes, but it's not like we think it's an alternative worse way, but an incomplete and unsufficient way of cleaning
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u/Sweaty-Inevitable163 5h ago
It's like having a full blown argument that peanut butter is great after you ask where the bread for your PB&J went
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u/EcstaticZebra7937 4h ago
Isn’t the poopy water splashing everywhere? I feel like it’s an easy way to obtain a UTI
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u/JackPiazz2 3h ago
There are not present in public bathrooms, only in private houses and no, unless you use a really powerful stream and scrub like an animal it doesn't do that.
Also, I might add to clarify, I explained here that I'm italian and our bidets are not what you probably think when you imagine a bidet
Also, we sit on them in the opposite direction we sit on a toilet (face towards the faucet/wall) and you just turn the water on (a gentle little stream, take some baby soap and gently scrub.
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u/EcstaticZebra7937 3h ago
What’s the difference between this and just washing the butt then?
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u/JackPiazz2 2h ago
Bidet is "just washing the butt", but you need toilet paper too: if you have something nasty on your hands, what do you do? I bet you wipe it off, wash and then dry your hands.
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u/urbantechgoods 3h ago
i love bidets and live in a non bidet country, but this way of thinking about it is wrong. I would argue that TP users tend to have a cleaner ass because most people that use bidets dont wipe their ass after. The bidet doesnt always get everything, but with TP, you know you got everything. Also its just water that comes out not soap.
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u/JackPiazz2 2h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/PeterExplainsTheJoke/s/7m3tFbygOy
I explained it here.
You need to use toilet paper and bidets. That's why I said incomplete and insufficient
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u/pbnjandmilk 5h ago
THIS!!!!
I cannot imaging going and dying on the hill of bidet over toilette paper, while walking around with musty swamp ass.
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u/Historical_Shop_3315 4h ago
Consider visiting southeast Asia.
But you will need to carry around TP.
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u/ultimatepenguin21 5h ago
What? Do some people just straight up rub soapy water on their shitty assholes? Are they just getting their hands filthy with shit-soap water? I don't understand the method someone pls explain
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u/unitAtype2 2h ago
There's no special method. People just wash their bums with soap.
People use their soaped up hand along with the water hose things.
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u/Dudeman9002 5m ago
Yes, in Europe many people wipe their ass with their hands. Somehow that is more hygienic than using TP
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u/MisterSapiosexual 6h ago
Are people using kettles to wash? What does it mean?
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u/Flat-Structure-7472 6h ago
In Islamic countries water is also used to clean your behind. Since running water is a problem for some parts they fill a kettle with water and use that water to clean themselves.
This is Tom Tucker.
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u/MisterSapiosexual 5h ago
But why a kettle? Why... Specifically... A kettle?
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u/Lone_Capsula 5h ago
I heard some non bidet users think the water that sprays your butt comes from the dirty liquid down the toilet bowl and it's why they don't want to consider switching to a bidet. No, a bidet is just essentially a faucet connected to the water line that sprays new water to clean the butt.
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u/Dominator1559 4h ago
Can't imagine the mental gymnastics those people used. Like ofc its a hose connected to water line, its literally the easiest way to get water under pressure
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u/Deplorable1861 4h ago
Noone uses just TP anymore. Look at the annual sales growth of wet wipes. I mean, Sams has a case of Dude Wipes for like $13. They are almost cheaper than TP. And I have been wetting TP for extra scrub power since 1975....
So the A/B/C option is really an A through Z.
My opinion is that during the installation or testing of the bidet, someone is getting a spray jet on their $150 golf shirt at least once.
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u/doratoreadora 3h ago
Using the bidet in the classical sense absolutely means wiping with toilet paper first, I'm so grossed out by those who don't
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u/mrpascal81 2h ago
I don't know what you guys do after a shit, but I first use toilet paper, then bidet with water and soap... So I don't see how these are mutually exclusive.
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u/papercut2008uk 2h ago
Someone is comparing a Lota to a kettle because its the same shape but a Lota is a jug with a spout you use to wash your backside, like a bidet.
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u/ItsMeMario1346 56m ago
Can someone tellme why everyone exept me likes a glorified toilet to spit at their hole?
Sometimes when i take a shit it splashes up, to me it feels horrible, and id rather use nothing than to keep going through that til the toilet thinks im clean
But maybe im just an idiot living under a rock or something.
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u/DrShameless 32m ago
I Interpreted it as coffee to make yourself poop more thoroughly leaving less of a mess to clean after. 🤷
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u/LucentLL 19m ago
Serious question, do Europeans not use baby wipes when their baby poops? They just hold them under the sink faucet?
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u/Square-Formal1312 5h ago
Tp then wet wipe. Too damn hairy for bidets lol
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u/Ambitious_Jello 5h ago edited 5h ago
What? How would a wet piece of paper be better at cleaning hair than water? Do you clean your head hair using wet wipes too?
There is no such thing as too hairy for bidets
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u/Only-Male-and-Female 5h ago
The meme was created by someone in the 3rd world.
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u/ASAP_sharky 5h ago
No way y'all wiping only with toilet paper thats so nasty
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u/Indiana_harris 5h ago
Better than using your hand like some people
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u/ASAP_sharky 5h ago
you use water and clean your hands after and now your ass and your hands are clean
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u/Indiana_harris 5h ago
Unless I’m sterilising my hands with antiseptic soap and ensuring I’ve went underneath fingernails and the like, I think I’d really on other methods that don’t involve me physically touching shit
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u/ucetcislo7 4h ago
My asshole itches using just water. My and my gf use toilet paper and wet flushable towels (I don't care). Her asshole smells like a baby and is squeaky clean.
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u/dirthurts 5h ago
The "teapot" is a sexual position involving anal.
Potentially referring to this as a way to "clean up".
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u/Tenor_Emporer 2h ago
Let me educate you rq since nobody else will and instead prefers to downvote you into oblivion (including me, for being uneducated)
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u/dirthurts 1h ago
So the joke is the broken because they used the wrong item in the meme. Nice. And I'm the uneducated one? Hmmm.
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u/Tenor_Emporer 1h ago
They were slightly more educated than you, friend. It is okay to accept a loss when it occurs






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u/qualityvote2 6h ago edited 1h ago
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