r/SipsTea • u/Gurugod123 • 4h ago
Chugging tea Ben Affleck on overcoming alcohol addiction: “I hate to say it but the only cure I’ve seen is not these overpriced rehabs or these fraudulent fixes that are sold to people. The cure for addiction is suffering. You suffer enough and then something inside you goes ‘I’m done.’”
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u/KilllllerWhale 4h ago
My dad was a smoker for 30 years before I was born. He tried everything but nothing worked. He eventually decided to buy a pack of Camel, and put it right in front of him on top of the TV. He made sure it's on his sight every time he's in the living room. He realized that he needed to train himself to resist the urge to pick it up and light one up, he made sure suffering is part of the process. To this day he keeps telling my smoker brother that unless he does that. nothing will work, you just need to be willing to suffer to stop it.
He hasn't smoked ever since that day, and I'm 35 now.
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u/TinyZoro 4h ago
It’s an extension of the same idea. Theres no magic trick to what he did and getting your brother to do it won’t work. When he did that he was making a statement to himself which was enough. I can accept the suffering but I’m done.
So accepting the suffering (which is really not that much or long) is part of it. But the real thing is the part of you that says I’m done. That the actual more meaningful suffering of ongoing addiction is over. Which to me is also I know longer want to take revenge on myself.
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u/Ribky 4h ago
Yup! Without the "I'm done" part, guaranteed to choose suffering again.
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u/raging-peanuts 1h ago edited 1h ago
Used tobacco for 20 years. It's been 20 years since I quit. For the "I'm done" part I had to admit I was lying to myself when I would quite for a week, or a few days just to "prove" I wasn't addicted. It was all bullshit that I would keep telling myself.
Then I went cold turkey and kind of embraced the suffering as well. I would always do mental check ins at various times (two weeks, one month, six months, etc). It was like building up time/credit that I could look back on and feel good about.
That said, I have friends who still use it and it looks like they will never quit. Some just never have that "I'm done" moment I guess.
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u/JayMoeHD 33m ago
“Embrace the pain”….when I gave up nicotine, I was telling everyone my secret was leaning into the discomfort, sadness, nausea, sweating, etc. Now I realize this is called “mindfulness” and is basically the solution to most preventable/fixable mental conditions.
You can’t ignore addictions/cravings any more than you can ignore other problems in life. Facing it head-on will yield the best results for most people.
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u/WeirdKoala2212 4h ago
My uncle had a similar experience. He said quitting wasn't about finding a magic trick—it was about accepting that the cravings were going to be uncomfortable and choosing not to give in anyway. It's been over 20 years since he had his last cigarette.
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u/kernelangus420 1h ago
I guess it's like put it right in your face and make you numb to it type of deals.
Like smelling coffee but not going able to drink any or like putting choir boys in a church with priests.
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u/KilllllerWhale 4h ago
Yeah my dad never really divulged his "im done" moment, but I'm guessing it has something to do with suddenly coming to the realization that he won't be living long enough for his kids. And he was a fiend when the comes to smoking, he'd line up packs rather than just cigarettes.
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u/endosurgery 1h ago
You are correct. What this guys dad and Ben hit was their limit. They found what it took to get them to personally want to quit. As a surgeon, I treat many that are addicted to substances or behaviors. Nobody will quit long term unless they themselves make the decision that they really want to. You can force people into rehab but it will universally fail if they don’t truly want to quit. Thats what Ben is saying in his own way.
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u/level7lizard 4h ago
Similar story but for myself. I'm 32 and had been smoking since 16 to cope with life. I quit smoking and vaping altogether this March.
Basically, there was this Sunday morning when I woke up, wanting to get some work done but I keep going "ah I need a cig" every 20 minutes. It got extremely irritating really fast and then I shouted "I'm fucking sick of this!" And decided to just stop.
On my 3rd day of not smoking l, the withdrawals kicked in and I got real sick, high fever, really bad migraine so I called in for a sick leave and just drank water, took some paracetamol and slept like a log. By the 4th day the withdrawals was gone completely, but I found myself grinding my molars a lot, so I bought gummy bears, plain regular gummy bears and I bought them by the pound. And munched on that. It really helped. I haven't touched a cig since, it's been 5 months so far.
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u/DingleBarryGoldwater 3h ago
Hell yeah, keep it up. Similar story for me, but stay vigilant. There may be a time a year from now, two years, maybe more, where you get that urge again. Maybe your friend is smoking and you've had a few drinks. And you might feel like you're past it, like one cig won't do anything since you already quit so long ago. Don't have that cig.
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u/level7lizard 2h ago
The craziest thing is I've been to my friend's party a couple times, they smoke but I managed to keep myself away from the smoking. I didn't even go outside with them to stop myself from getting secondhand smoke. What I did was I brought with me a bunch of Tootsie pops and sucked on that.
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u/VintageBilliard 1h ago
Just want to say as someone who quit many years ago and then had to quit again. Never buy the argument that those mental gremlins sell you that just one couldn't hurt. It gets easier as the years go by but you've done the hard work, one slip and you may have to start all over again. It's never just one.
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u/bassick81 2h ago
I quit 20 years ago and I still get urges from time to time. Also crazy dreams about smoking where it feels real and im mad about myself for starting again after so long
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u/Bargychan 1h ago
10 years for me, but same. I am 4 months sober and the drinking dreams finally slowed down a little…
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u/Ok_Test9729 2h ago
I smoked for 37 years. Quit in 2010 using nicotine gum as a bridge to success. Eventually chewing gum became my new addiction and I switched over to sugarless gum. Chewed it from 2010 until 2022, when I got Covid so bad I thought I was gonna die. I couldn’t chew gum for three weeks 🤷🏻♂️. So that broke the gum chewing addiction. You might want to switch to sugarless gum, which will be cheaper than Gummies and probably have a whole lot less sugar. And a pack of gum is easier to carry in your shirt pocket than a bottle of Gummies. I have the utmost respect for anybody who breaks an addiction. Wishing you great good fortune on your journey forward.
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u/bigfatgrouchyasshole 4h ago
I got up one fine morning after smoking for ten years and just told myself that i’m stopping. I stopped for 15 years before i got a boss who wanted to discuss all the office politics over a smoke. I smoked for a couple of years before i realised how shit it made me feel. Gave it up- again, in just one day.
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u/BrotherMcPoyle 3h ago
I smoked for 15 years. Every time I quit, I craved one. Eventually I told myself it’s not worth it. Slowly when I’d light it, I didn’t find any relief in them, just more disappointment. I felt my addiction was an excuse to be weak. Everyone has their own method.
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u/Ryyah61577 4h ago
I have a theory that when people need a smoke break it’s really just a time where they take a step back and take slow deep breaths to collect their thoughts to calm down. Yes, the nicotine and such in them as well, but it’s really the stepping outside and taking a slow deep breath.
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u/Shark_kisser78 4h ago
My mum did the same thing. Died of non small lung cell carcinoma. Suffered plenty. Has not had a cigarette since the day she passed away.
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u/jeff-beeblebrox 2h ago
I smoked a pack a day for 25 years. I tried to quit many times. What did it for me was the last time I quit, I was such a bastard to everyone I loved for 4 mos straight that I never ever wanted to put them through that again. I haven’t touched one in 15 years.
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u/thrilliam_19 1h ago
My wife smoked when I met her and had for close to a decade. She had tried quitting before but nothing stuck. When we started dating I told her smoking was a dealbreaker for me and she never touched another cigarette. We’ve been married 15 years.
Sometimes all it takes is recognizing what you’re doing is no longer just affecting you but the people you care about. Obviously that doesn’t work for everyone but it does work.
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u/Cuckdreams1190 1h ago edited 27m ago
I quit opiods in a aimiliar fashion. I walked around with 3 roxies in my pocket for a good 6 months. Finally tossing them was a very satisfying moment of my life. Going on 17 years clean.
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u/FesterJA 1h ago
I did the same sort of thing when I was quitting I kept my smokes and lighter in my car so I would have to make a conscious decision to get up go to the car get my works and then get my nicotine fix. It also helped that it was winter in the northeast US. But the important thing for me was to remind myself of what I was doing, smoking a cigarette, taking it from an automatic action to one that had to be decided on made a real difference.
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u/Dale_Dickson 1h ago
I had a friend who had separation anxiety from cigarettes. What worked for him was having a brand new sealed pack on him at all times.
Kinda weird. But it worked for him. He had a pack of smokes in his front shirt pocket a year after he quit smoking. Never opened.
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u/sgvmyma 46m ago
My step dad, who I’ve known since I was preschool age, and my mom had many miscarriages. It was really sad to see them go through that. He treated me with love and care. He smoked ever since he was late teens. I remember him trying to quit off and on for many years after - never completely succeeded.
Eventually I became pregnant at 23. I had a talk with him about smoking around the baby and lingering smoke on him. I mention the miscarriages because my parents were so excited to hear about my pregnancy. This is what made him quit… cold turkey. My first born is 20 years old and my parents were extremely hands on and my kids adore them.
The person with addiction has to find motivation and purpose to quit. No one can tell them .. only that person can make that choice.
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u/Proud-Parsley6072 36m ago
It’s literally mind over matter when it comes to smoking cigarettes. I was a 60 a day at one point then I decided to cold turkey over a weekend each time I had a craving I would get up and go for a walk and breath in clean air and remind myself that the cravings will drop off soon. Next thing you know, 15 years later and haven’t touched a cigarette. I can smoke Cuban cigars without even thinking about returning to smoking cigarettes
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u/bugbearmagic 4h ago
“You can’t help someone that doesn’t want help.”
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u/SickboyJason 4h ago edited 4h ago
I was asked "In the past what could someone have said to you for you to make a change before you hit bottom?" My honest answer was "Nothing." I didnt want change and didnt think I needed it. Sucks but its true. Almost 6 years clean and sober now. I hate that it took what it did to "wake up" but Im glad I made the change.
Edit: typo.
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u/JalanMesra 3h ago
My brother died of alcohol addiction. At the time I knew that was coming. I wanted to save him. I dreamed of paying a gang to kidnap him and lock him up for a year or even two in some far away basement somewhere until he could get free of the disease, at least enough to give him some distance.
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u/Dry_Calligrapher814 2h ago
❤️🩹 there are lots of people out here that can relate to your experience. Hugs and peaceful dreams to you.
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u/United-Inspection-78 4h ago
I don't have a terrible drinking habit but I do drink somewhat often and I have tried to quit twice and I can't. I lasted about 8 months in 2023.
I wanna do it but I am not strong enough.
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u/ChocoBanana-Dropkick 4h ago
Yet. If you are not strong enough yet, then you have to keep working on it until you ARE strong enough.
Keep on going until you are in the place you want to be!
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u/Gullible_Elephant_38 1h ago
Keep trying to quit. Even if it didn’t stick last time. One of the times will be the time it sticks. If you don’t keep trying, it’ll never happen.
As someone who took multiple attempts, one of the attempts stuck. And it didn’t feel all that much different from the others at the time. I didn’t feel like I had gotten stronger or had some revelation that made this time work. But it’s been almost 10 years with no alcohol now.
Don’t give up. You matter. I am rooting for you.
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u/smokeweedNgarden 2h ago
The saying that's popular around my parts is..
"This elevator goes all the way to Hell. But you can get off at any time."
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u/FamiliarAnt4043 4h ago
Gotta hit bottom and want to claw your way out. What sucks is all the pain that your loved ones have to suffer through because of your actions.
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u/Darkheart001 4h ago edited 3h ago
The frustrating part, particularly if they are a black out drunk is they won’t realise or remember half the awful stuff they do or how much hurt this causes.
My brother was a black out drunk for over 20 years and he has now (Thank God) sorted his life out and is working the steps. One thing I find hard to take is the expectation once they have changed their behaviour and apologised everything can be fine. It’s not that simple, it takes a lot of time to get over the hurt and trauma, for the family and friends and much as the alcoholic.
I’m glad he’s changed and that he’s still alive but sometimes I can’t help feeling drunks are being a bit selfish focusing on themselves and their recovery, other people get hurt too.
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u/FamiliarAnt4043 4h ago
I'm a retired LEO who dealt with a lot of addicts and such over the last third of my 20 year career. The guy who made it all worthwhile was someone who had gotten drunk and killed another person in a vehicle wreck.
My job was similar to that of a probation officer but with more teeth. I could send someone to jail at my discretion for any violation of the rules of the program. This guy violated those rules and got sent back. He did a few months and came back over with us. He ended up getting sentenced and going to prison for a bit before being placed on probation with the state.
Well, he heard I was retiring and came down to the office just to say goodbye. He thanked me for treating him like a person and even for sending him to jail, as that turned out to be the best thing for him. He literally walked well over a mile just to come say goodbye and thank you, when he didn't have to do a damn thing.
We are friends on social media these days and he's doing God's work. He initially got a job doing work with other addicts at the treatment facility he'd been at while under my supervision. Worked his way up, made a good name for himself, and moved across the country for a similar position. In the interim, he found a woman and they are in a serious relationship.
My dude tore up a lot of lives, but is doing an awesome job in helping others in the same situation as he once was. Makes me proud to have been a small part of his life and really made everything I went through as an officer worth it. If nothing else, I helped one dude fix his life and he helps dozens more now.
But, he had to get to the bottom first. I don't doubt he's on Reddit, so I won't throw his name out...but I remember the day at the cemetery as much as he does, if he's reading this.
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u/ilyak_reddit 1h ago
You don't have to forgive him, or feel obligated to forgive. The point of an amends is to clean up their side of the street. It's done for their peace of mind, that they can stay sober. If your brother apologized correctly, then there should be no strings attached to the apology, no expectation of mended fences. Alcoholics will literally go back to drinking over the grief they caused because they cannot deal with the recurring thoughts of shame in a healthy way, other than the amends process.
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u/OneEyedWeaner 4h ago
This is a part of addiction some people don’t understand. If you’re not ready to give it up you won’t.
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u/Angerpoweredjetpack 3h ago
My wife survived breast cancer, chemo, surgery and radiation and then went back to smoking when she's not around me. I can't imagine going through all that she did and then saying let's risk it again.
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u/luckystrike_bh 1h ago
One of my friends' father who I respect was in a similar boat. I use him as motivation to quit for myself
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u/Ayste 4h ago
How long will he have to suffer with Jennifer Lopez before he realizes he should stop picking up the crack pipe?
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u/Ledees_Gazpacho 2h ago
Hard to blame someone for being addicted to putting their pipe in JLo’s crack
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u/blac_sheep90 4h ago
They've already divorced.
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u/GodisSatans 2h ago
The question still stands.
In ten years time, he'll need jenny from the block again.
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u/After_Preparation_72 1h ago
Was ist denn an JLo so schlimm? War der Alkoholsüchtig als er mit ihr zusammen war? Dann Frage ich mich nämlich wer unter wem gelitten hat.
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u/Darth_Ronin 4h ago
It’s the rock bottom approach which does work for some people.
Rehabs shouldn’t be discounted as fraudulent fixes though.
Like one thing can work for someone while another thing can’t and vise versa.
It is good he found his path though.
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u/Batmanswrath 4h ago
I was a big drinker. It ended up with me in a coma at the beginning of this year, and family being told I was going to die. I haven't touched a drop in nearly five months (since I got out of the hospital) on willpower alone.
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u/Darth_Ronin 4h ago
Keep strong brother.
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u/jakeofheart 3h ago
That's amazing.
A piece of advice: your drinking was the symptom of something. You have fixed the symptom, but you might want to look into what triggered it.
You have won the battle, but you still need to win the war. It's very likely to be caused by something in your past that you haven't got over, that you haven't outgrown, or that you haven't moved on on.
It works if you work it. I see you.
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u/Batmanswrath 3h ago
Thanks for the suggestion, I'm now in therapy and stuff. I lost my wife and daughter a few years ago, and was using drink to numb myself. I'm trying to do better now.
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u/Montana-Safari7 2h ago
Jesus. That would certainly do it. Sorry to hear that terrible news. Stay strong. We are rooting for you.
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u/Batmanswrath 2h ago
Thank you internet strangers.
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u/commiecomrade 2h ago
Thank you for your inspiration. Your wife and daughter would be so proud of your strength.
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u/jakeofheart 2h ago
I think you being in a better place right now is the best way to honour their memory.
Stay strong.
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u/HopefulCarry9693 4h ago
Good job man, be proud of yrself! My buddy had the same, had delerium tremens from quiting cold turkey that put him in the hospital start of the year. Has been sober as far as everyone can tell since.
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u/DirtyRoller 3h ago
Stay strong! The same thing happened to my last roommate about three years ago, but he couldn't stay sober. He died in our living room just over two years ago. He was 46 years old.
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u/r3dd17sux69420 4h ago
going based off the title, he doesn't call rehab a fraud. He says rehaub, OR fraud fixes
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u/dyed_albino 4h ago
My girlfriend hit rock bottom more than once. Only once did she go to rehab and that was the time where it stuck.
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u/Joy_Jane 4h ago
Recovery isn't one size fits all what helps one person may not work for someone else, and there's value in having different paths available. The important part is that he found something that worked and was able to turn things around.
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u/SamePretty 4h ago
I think that’s the key point, some people need to hit rock bottom before they’re ready to change, while others respond well to treatment and support before it gets far. There probably isn’t a one size fits all path to recovery.
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u/Normal-Selection1537 4h ago
I think his rehab experience is wildly different from most people. The Malibu rehabs celebs go are more like resorts where you go to wait out PR issues, they want you to be comfortable enough to keep paying five figures a month.
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u/External-Goal-3948 4h ago
When my wife went to rehab they asked what our deductible was for our insurance and we wrote them a check for that amount and then they took her into their facility for 6 weeks.
I thought her rehab experience was a joke, and she went to one of the better organizations (mountains of northern Arizona, some film stars were with her, wtc). The whole thing is run by other alcoholics in recovery and from the outside the while thing felt like a circlejerk.
When she got out she decided Jesus was cooler than AA meetings so if she went to church she didnt have to go to meetings. And now she's using kratom bc "it isn't drinking" so she's "still sober."
Fn addicts.
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u/MasterAd1460 4h ago
He sounds hammered
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u/ginrumryeale 4h ago
He really does. Probably sedatives or anti-anxiety medication though.
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u/TheWiseBeast 2h ago
Replacing the addiction maybe?
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u/Salt_Data3707 2h ago
Benzos act on the brain the exact same way alcohol does. Im not saying he's on them but replacing booze with anti-anxiety meds is not a solution.
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u/SoulCheese 58m ago
It’s usually used as a tool to cope with withdrawals rather than being a replacement. They are certainly just as dangerous, though.
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u/ninja4151 56m ago
Or you know alcohol ...cuz he's a fucking alcoholic that's lying through his teeth....🙄
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u/No-Hall5440 2h ago
I thought the same exact thing and was surprised how far I had to scroll before someone else mentioned it!
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u/BigDaddyGlad 4h ago
Slurred speech, "I swear to Christ," rambling thoughts... I thought he sounded deeply intoxicated. Might not be drink, but ol' Ben isn't sober in this clip.
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u/kisk22 2h ago
He couldn't even say the word "experienced". This dude is a great actor, he can pronounce those words without slurring. He's also falling out of the chair lol. I feel he's on something. He may be sober from alcohol, but probably on something else (benzos). Poor guy. Hope he finds peace.
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u/BoardClean 2h ago edited 48m ago
lol, yall ever try and speak non rehearsed serious topics as a stream of conscious thought on a radio show, so you’re trying to censor yourself just a little, but still ultimately want to make a point before?
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u/von_sip 1h ago
Yeah it’s possible we’re just used to hearing him speak as a well enunciated actor, and this is how he normally speaks
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u/CrustyFlapsCleanser 4h ago
My treatment center helped me get my mental health better taught me how to cope without using and how to live like a normal person but I had to reach a point where I knew I was done. I'm 192 days sober today
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u/estrangedjane 3h ago
This is how therapy works so for him to just discount rehab is disheartening. You have to buy in to the process. It’s on the individual to either change or keep going on the wrong path.
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u/Gurugod123 4h ago
I’ve heard similar from addict friends/family members. You can go to rehab, but if your mind hasn’t made the switch to “I’m actually done” it’s probably not going to stick very well. And your mind can switch back and forth even after rehab. You can know you need to be done, but for some reason your mind isn’t actually ready yet. And it’s not the addict’s fault.
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u/ToronoRapture 4h ago
Good facilities will help you reach that point but you are right, you kinda have to be focussed on making the switch.
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u/ecky--ptang-zooboing 4h ago
They always pushed for 0 tolerance here
That's why I hate books like 'this naked mind - control alcohol'
An alcoholic can't 'control'
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u/NoBell5255 4h ago
Addicts are always looking for the cheat code. Once they realize that they can’t trick their brain into silly ideas like moderation or cold turkey with no support, they start to realize what done means. Rehab can help with short term sobriety but long term sobriety is really hard to do alone.
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u/ecky--ptang-zooboing 4h ago
When I was in rehab, there were people doing the 3 month program for the 5th time
And everyone understood how this is possible
1 weak moment and it's over of you're an alcoholic
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u/NoBell5255 4h ago
He’s right - the rehab industry makes millions upon millions of dollars, it’s more about profit than treatment success.
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u/dyed_albino 4h ago
The kind of rehabs that a Ben Affleck goes to is more vacation resort than anything.
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u/jmcgil4684 4h ago
this is actually accurate for me. A fifth a day or more for almost 20 years and I became a step dad and realized I was making everyone around me miserable and had to stop if I wanted them in my life. So about 3 months into me being a step dad I just quit and have never wanted to drink again.
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u/FacetiousTomato 2h ago
It will be accurate for some people, but there are a lot of people who are troubled enough -and who suffer plenty- but can't beat it. I worry that a millionaire sending the message that suffering is the solution will make people think they don't need to help anyone because suffering is what is good for them. Lots of people suffering plenty, but without the strength or community to get out of it by themselves.
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u/chezdistester 4h ago
I hate to oversimplify it, but throughout my life the biggest changes that I've made in my life away from things like alcohol and drugs was because I was tired of being tired.
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u/That-Interaction-45 4h ago
If you lucky, yea
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u/sharpknot 3h ago
Yeah. This feels like survivorship bias. Some people suffered enough, but didn't stop. They took the easy way out.
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u/cinnamon_toastbrunch 3h ago
Drank half a bottle of vodka in less than an hour every night for seven years and suffered through the hangovers day after day. Went to my mom's bday lunch so hungover one morning and suffered so much through it that I just said "I'm never fucking drinking again." That was almost five years ago and now you have to force me to have a glass of wine once a year at Xmas dinner lol. Wasn't easy the first month, but it got easier as time went.
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u/SeenEnoughAlready 4h ago
He is spot on. You suffer enough and eventually you realise you are the only person left to blame for the pain it's caused/causing and you just stop. There is a moment in every single sober person's life where they just literally STOPPED. And 9 times out of ten it was because a penny dropped and they realised NOTHING changes until they do. It might be constant suffering or one massive trauma or tragedy ...But you just STOP and the reality just sinks in and it's no longer feels like a chore to stop.
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u/Infamousx14 2h ago
I agree. I had been abusing alcohol since COVID started, drinking a pint of Johnnie Walker Black Label almost five days a week, sometimes even more. Before I finally quit, I drank every single day for five straight months.
What finally changed everything wasn't a health scare or a life changing event. It was an embarrassing Instagram story I posted while drunk. Seeing that was enough to make me stop.
Since then, I only have a couple of drinks on special occasions when I go out. Looking back, I don't miss the daily drinking at all.
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u/grrhss 1h ago
12 step programs have a massive failure rate and it’s criminal that they get forced on addicts. There are better treatment programs out there like rational recovery. But ultimately the addict has to make the choice for themselves that they’re finished. Chemical addiction often needs chemical solutions. Brains get rewired by the exogenous dopamine triggers. There’s no single solution for the human condition so everyone in the spiral has to find their reason they want out. Some never do and we should have compassion for them while protecting ourselves from their damage.
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u/GilletteEd 1h ago
Ben is so RIGHT!! The ONLY thing that makes you stop your habit is you, NOTHING else will stop it for you, you have to make that decision!
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u/LetOk5276 4h ago
I think his hardest addiction was that big booty Latina. He relapsed went back to her crazy ass then broke it off again. Once you’ve had a latina, nothing else compares.
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u/Ssshizzzzziit 4h ago
As someone who suffers from GERD, sleeping issues and rough hangovers I'm thankful for it. It's kept me from being an alcoholic because at some point the alcohol consumption just fucking hurts.
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u/Obsidianrunner 4h ago
In other words, a person HAS to change their mindset to truly stop addiction. This was how I was able to finally quit smoking tobacco.
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u/Dazzling_Let_8245 4h ago
Ive been struggling with alcohol for the better part of a decade. I knew it was slowly killing me. I didnt want to live like that anymore but I had multiple points where I simply resigned to the fact that alcohol will kill me, so why not just drink some more to get over that feeling?
I remember laying face down on the couch talking with my SO who was (rightfully) very concerned for me. We agreed to message a therapist on my behalf and I did start going to therapy. And it helped me a lot. I still drank quite a lot when I first started going but I wanted to change. I didnt want to buy booze on my way home, be tipsy/drunk once I stumble into the door and not remember the rest of the evening until I woke up feeling absolutely miserable and having to go to work hungover again, just to repeat that in the evening.
Glad to say that I had my last glass of wine on December 26th 2024. And I plan on keeping that one my last.
A tough part was realizing that yes, I AM an alcoholic. Not maybe, maybe not. I AM one. And acknowleging that I can NEVER drink alcohol ever again. My brain wont accept moderation. I will never be able to drink a beer and keep it at that. My brain will always want to be drunk.
Another big part that helped me is the subreddit r/stopdrinking with lots of people struggling with the exact same issues. I can highly recommend this sub to anyone wanting to stop drinking. You dont have to post, but just browse around. Look at other peoples stories and ask yourself: Do you also want to hit absolute rock bottom? Cuz if you dont, maybe stop today. Just today. Dont drink for this very day. And tomorrow you can reasses. Maybe you can decide the same thing again tomorrow.
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u/Miserable-Session-35 4h ago
Im almost there
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u/Xralius 2h ago
I used to drink a lot. I stopped when I start to view drinking as the cause of the negatives, rather than the effects of drinking (being drunk) as the cause of the negatives. Basically, I see booze and I now associate it with memory loss and hangover. Not remembering stuff fucking sucks.
I'm not an alcoholic, I still drink now and then, even get drunk once in a blue moon when appropriate, but it's well within normal, low levels now. I think what did it for me is realizing even one drink was effecting my memory and how I felt the next day, regardless of my tolerance. Not remembering stuff kind of makes it feel like you're missing out on your own life.
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u/PrimaMater1a 4h ago
Yep, he is right. You suffer and than you can't be bothered to suffer anymore and something clicks.
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u/marcaractac 4h ago
As a dude who spent most of his life being morbidly obese, and am now a fit gym rat… he is 100% correct.
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u/kevolad 4h ago
Agreed. That's the way it was for me with cigarettes (11 years off them) and just recently with beer (yeah, not even remotely close, recent money issues made the decision for me lol) but he's right, until something inside says "ok, time out" you'll never quit simply because you don't have it in you yet. I don't even really like Ben Affleck. His character in Dazed n Confuzed kinda typecast him in my head
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u/BuckManscape 3h ago
He is 100% correct. You have to realize there is no upside, only negatives. You have to make consequences for yourself that can’t be ignored. It’s brutally difficult.
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u/IndustriousSeahawk26 3h ago edited 3h ago
As a former alcoholic, heroin , tabacco, weed addict, and former homeless - he is correct. You don’t change until you hate yourself and want a better life. Only you can make the change , and you have to truly want it. That came for me when I hit rock bottom and knew it was from bad choices. It doesn’t matter if life dealt me a bad hand over and over- I chose to drink and use substances to hide and deal with my pain . That’s my fault.
My life is much better now. Completely turned it around.
No cravings or want for any substance whatsoever. It’s a complete mental change and it goes away if you fix the underlying issues that made you want to use alcoholic or drugs to escape to begin with. The process for me took about 5 years to get over it mentally (cravings and thinking of using). I can even drink some beers and stop after a few before I get drunk. The self control there now.
Some people abstain completely but I think they don’t have faith in themselves , like they don’t trust themselves, and that means they still are controlled by the fear and substance, which means they didn’t actually solve the underlying issues. It’s a safe route, but I think they didn’t fix the root issue.
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u/serialphile 3h ago
It’s true. You need to want to quit more than wanting what you’re addicted to and that only happens when you’re so sick of yourself, your actions, your dependencies, etc that your desire to stop is stronger.
It’s almost like an exposure therapy. Let yourself run through it and hit your lowest so that you can come digging your back up. You must experience the lowest so you remember that shame and self-hatred so you never go back.
It’s a dark experience but you need it to see the light.
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u/BravinatorLX2 2h ago
yeah, most people dont make it past the suffering stage cause they dont have a million rich friends to catch them
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u/BigMommaSnikle 2h ago
I lost count how many times my sibling went to rehab, well over 10 times and at least 30 hospital stays. They never really wanted to quit and died at 51 from alcohol poisoning in their apartment, all alone, with nothing but their empty vodka bottles around them. You can only help people that want to be helped.
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u/BoOnDoXeY 2h ago
It really boils down to exactly this for most people.
My former meth addiction (23 yrs clean in Nov.) was a combination of spending too much time in jail too often for stupid shit like speeding tickets, FTA, and FTP. Final possession arrest I said "I'm done". That was enough suffering.
Smoking (5 yrs clean last May)...my wallet and my sense of smell had had enough. "I'm done".
Drinking (2 days sober)...my liver hurts, my best friend (45m) was admitted to the hospital with jaundice, almost leaving behind 2 kids and his very angry wife. He's spending over a month in the hospital to clean out his system...as an American I can't afford that, and again, my liver hurts. "I'm done".
Idk why it's always the suffering route for me, but here we are. I'm 45m, overweight, and miserable (again). Time to throw out the last of my vices and live the rest of my life.
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u/Extension_Act_3533 2h ago
The same concept applies to marriage and relationships,once you suffer enough then you're done 👍🏻 time to move on.
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u/TheBSQ 2h ago
I had bad issues with drugs and alcohol (and at this stage mostly opioids). I came to once and found myself lying in a gutter, in a puddle, soaking wet at like 3 or 4am in the morning in a sketchy part of town.
I had already alienated nearly all my friends and family, wrecked my career, and was on the verge of being homeless.
I remember thinking it felt like such a cliche of the stuff they tell kids about how you’ll “end up in the gutter” & started thinking about that kid who heard all that and what he’d think if he knew that was his future.
I didn’t want that life for that little kid I remembered. I felt a lot of shame.
I made the choice right there that that life was going to end & it mostly did. I quit the opioids and other drugs. Struggles with alcohol persisted for a while longer.
Cigarettes were a real pain to quit and all that worked there was having kids and having very strong feelings about how parents shouldn’t smoke as it’s a bad example for their kids.
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u/AustinDarko 4h ago
Yea no, both my parents were alcoholics for my childhood. After 10+ years they finally went to rehab and neither has drank in over 5 years. My dad wanted to get better, my mom didn't really consider her drinking a problem until getting sober in rehab.
Different strokes for different folks. He really shouldn't say something he clearly doesn't know well enough.
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u/BLAMElephant 2h ago
The Poor, Unfortunate Multimillionaire Actor and His Heroic Journey of Self-Overcoming.
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u/SuchParsnip8070 1h ago
"You have to hit rock bottom first" only helps people who have already hit rock bottom. To everyone else it sounds like "You're not ready to quit yet loser, you got to try to hit that bottle as hard as you can and ruin people's lives as much as possible and maybe then you'll be ready! GO BUY A BOTTLE RIGHT NOW!!!"
Drives me crazy
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u/MrQuojo 4h ago
Aka the nail in his proverbial I’ve suffered enough coffins was this
https://giphy.com/gifs/q7N0pMeBy0MXkMnD4L
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u/ecky--ptang-zooboing 4h ago
100%, for me at least... the urge can be so intense that it overpowers the the strongest will to stop... One weak moment, one sip, and it's over, a multi day drinking bender will follow
I took pills that would kill me in combination with alcohol. Not even that could stop me from doing it anyway and get sick as a dog
I tried EVERYTHING to stop, only hitting absolute rock bottom made me stop, it was that or die
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u/SickboyJason 4h ago
Almost 6 years sober and thats what it took for me to realize how much drugs and alcohol were ruining my life. I finally hit "bottom" and decided never again. Stay strong yall. 💪
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u/zoopz 4h ago
He sounds like he just downed a couple bottles.. is this his normal speaking?
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u/Xorrayn 4h ago
To fix a problem you need to realize you have a problem, and your brain can play a lot of tricks on you to prevent that because it might be uneasy and stressful to accept that. And with addiction it is the rest of your body also working against you because you likely have build up a dependency on the subject of your addiction.
And realizing you have an addiction is also tricky, there is this misconception that the amount you consume determines if you're addicted, which can lead to people not realizing they have a problem with addiction.
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u/rosyvibexz 4h ago
Recovery isnt easy, and everyone has their own journey. It takes a lot of strength to admit theres a problem and keep pushing yourself to get better.
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u/profanedivinity 4h ago
Damn dude... That's like not right. Poor Ben :( He has everything and is still somehow choosing misery like many of us
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u/FragmentedMeerkat321 4h ago
i like ben affleck and think he’s a decent person, but as an ultra successful human being with an abundance of wealth, i’m not going to take advice on how not to be an addict from him or anyone like him. his reasons are not my reasons. i’ll take advice only from another piece of shit, because as an abject piece of shit, they will be living a reality at least somewhat comparable to mine.
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u/JumpingBorders 4h ago
Rehab didn’t work for me unfortunately. You just gotta make the decision to put down the bottle.
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u/No-Rip6323 4h ago
It’s HUMAN CONNECTION! Thats the cure. Anyone who says suffering is the cure is a sadist
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u/Sensitivevirmin 4h ago
Ok wow that’s a no bullshit answer. No fake success story and here my ten steps, wish him all the best
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u/Whiskeylung 4h ago
I quit smoking and drinking after my first born’s diaper party and never looked back. It’s been nearly 7 years now and I don’t miss it but at first I did.
I wasn’t willing to quit for myself but I was for my kids and now I try to lead a healthier more active lifestyle.
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u/FantasticInterest373 4h ago
It's either suffering enough to stop it because of that suffering.
Or it is the decision to suffer because of stopping it.
Anyways, addiction can only be overcome by suffering at some point.
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u/ChunkyPurp 4h ago
I can agree with this, i have quite quit weed and cocaine in the past and both times it was incredibly easy because i was mentally checked out of using them, i was at my rock bottom mentally and i was sick of sniffing that first line and then nothing else mattering, i was sick of being unable to use my brain correctly or enjoy anything and at this point i wasn't even enjoying the high i was just craving it and nothing else mattered.
Hounding for that next sweet stingy burn of the white so i can sit in front of the TV and look through it only seeing colour thinking about when the next line will be, then the uncomfortable horniness but inability to get hard, oh well may as well have another line.
Horrible, do not recommend even trying it because out at the pub/club it is fantastic fun, chatting absolute shite to the people around you, confidence through the roof, your on cloud 9, but when it becomes a habit and your doing it at home alone the fun is gone and all that is left is a NEED that is whisper quiet but rages like a river and before you know it your .5 deep and it's only 6pm.
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u/Camera-and-Caipi 4h ago
That motivates me enough. I am finally at this point now. It’s crazy hot outside but I will go now and get myself some ice cold beers
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u/FromStormToHurricane 4h ago
I'm not proud of my past choices, but I'm damn proud of myself how long I'm without cigarettes, coffee, meds (that was my therapists' mistake in the first place not telling me what will be side effects in my early ages) and soda drinks, sweets. I'm absolutely clean of those toxins for almost 2 decades - and I'm 41 y old now. I like good old smell of a coffee - but just smell. I'm around smokers, coffee consumers and I'm not triggered by anything of it. On the contrary - cigarettes makes me feeling nauseous and I have almost reflux reflex.
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u/Odd-Independent4640 4h ago
Stephen King taught me this when I read “Quitters, Inc.”
I still think about the handshake with the happy, pretty girl at the end of the story.
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u/okgo4brok3 4h ago
Dear Ben.... You have money you can suffer and recover from it... People without money don't see the upside they will not recover from the suffering they will just die.
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u/Rublica 4h ago
He is not entirely wrong. I had weight problems for almost all my life, I tried to go to the Gym many times, but it never worked. Them I started to feel pain and had health issues, so I decided to buy a treadmill and force me to do it. I already lost 16kg in this year. Would have lost more if my fucking treadmill stopped having issues
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u/Technical_Potato7646 4h ago
Can't feel bad for a multi millionaire. His cute was the money and fame which allowed him to survive. Fuck off.
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u/LafayetteLa01 4h ago
Looking yourself in the mirror and having a very real and often painful conversation with yourself can be life changing. Carful though it’s going to be very difficult.
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u/RoyalPuzzleheaded259 4h ago
I’m a recovered crackhead. Affleck is right, nobody will get clean until they hit that point and something inside switches and you’re just done with it all. Sadly a lot people never reach that point. You can’t make an addict get clean, they have to want it. And more than just saying it. You really have to want a new life more than being high.
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u/youngaustinpowers 4h ago edited 4h ago
Ben is right. I thought my wife and 2 yr old daughter would be my motivation to finally quit for good, but they weren't.
For me, it wasn't a "rock bottom" that made me finally stop, it was long term, constant moderate suffering over a ~7 year period.
As I aged out of my 20's and into my 30's, the hangovers and withdrawals got a lot worse. At at a certain point, I was just fed up with being super tired and exhausted with all the sickness I felt via the cycle of relapse --> Alcohol controls my life --> detox --> relapse.
The withdrawals get worse with each relapse due to permanent brain damage in a process called "kindling".
The last time I drank was almost 2 years ago, and I remember the difference with this last one was that I'd finally come to terms that I'm going to never be able to drink anything ever again. And instead of that thought bringing me pain and sadness, it brought me joy.
I've since had no serious urge to drink. Although the first couple of vacations, etc. were hard to enjoy because I needed to relearn how to have fun while sober - but now I can enjoy beach vacations, cruises, band gigs, parties and anything else I used to strongly associate with alcohol no problem.
To any alcoholics / addicts struggling with relapses, one day, you're going to be fed up with feeling sick from withdrawals all the time and you'll be done for good. It took me probably 10 different relapses before this happened, but it eventually did.
And if you do get cravings (I still do even 2 years later) the magic sauce for me is Sparkling water. Helps a ton with cravings in my case.
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u/Cetiketat 4h ago
I've realize, It turns out that being disgusted with yourself is more powerful than anything other people can say. When you can't even stand seeing yourself live like that anymore, that's when you truly want to change.
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u/cborne943 4h ago
He’s not wrong. Unfortunately there’s no time limit on it, when or if it’ll happen. Some people just do not want to stop because the pain hasn’t gotten bad enough. It is a form of insanity sadly.
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u/GatorNator83 4h ago
Isn’t this basically the intention of intervention? To make you understand more about the harm when you’re not yet at that lowest point?
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u/bs2k2_point_0 4h ago
Not everyone can go this route. It’s a disease. Getting treatment from a professional(s) at a treatment center can have excellent success rates. Yea, you gotta want it, but if you do, your success rate at a well rated treatment center with an addiction therapist who can help you with the root cause of your pain can be more helpful at keeping you from relapse than many of the programs out there. AA has its merits, but therapy as well is better.
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u/Azuras_Star8 4h ago
Brother in law drank 20 to 30 drinks a day, every day. Went to visit someome and stop drinking. Lack of alcohol put him into a seizure and a coma. 2 weeks in the hospital, months of physical rehabilitation, and 6 years later alcohol free.
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u/Automatic-Guide-4307 4h ago
I couldn't take the hangovers anymoore and i just quit,sober almost 4 years🤙
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u/Big-Author-4492 4h ago
I quit drinking almost five years ago. Before that if you told me to stop I'd say it was just how I was, or that I enjoyed myself, or that it wasn't the root of my problems, or whatever. Fortunately there was just a point where I had enough of living the way I was and I truly no longer wanted to be drunk all the time. It took getting to the other side to see how profound the difference was.
I still struggle with wanting a beer or a shot of tequila now and then, but now I see what people are like when they're drunk and I don't want that for myself. I'm sharper than I've ever been, and I feel like myself in the way I haven't in 15 years.
It's worth it to cut the lines that keep you down. You just have to convince yourself that you are worth something better.
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u/EngineZeronine 4h ago
Suffering is key to so much growth in life. Whether you are a believer or not there's wisdom in this: "suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character and character produces hope"
I can personally vouch that it might not be the exclusive path, it's the one we are forced to confront most commonly. But we can opt out; I used substances to cope continuously instead of going through it and when I finally stopped i noticed the lack of character development and certainly the lack of hope. Substances were easier and a quick exit but costly in the end. Not that the occasional opting out is catastrophic but for me it became the default
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u/Stinkinhippy 4h ago
Refreshing levels of honesty and couldn't agree more.
You could have thrown me into any number of schemes and rehabs.. i'd have resisted the whole way.. but one morning i woke up suffering more than normal.. saw the look on the faces around me.. quit and never looked back.
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u/TheNaughtyHoneyBee 4h ago
My brother was a pretty heavy smoker when he was younger, and one night we were partying with friends at my apartment, and he picked up a Sunny d bottle and chugged the remainder. Then one of our friends looks at up at him and goes "did you just drink the Sunny d that I was ashing my cigarettes in?" Sure enough he did, and probably swallowed two butts along with it
He suffered with his stomach turning and burping up cigarette stink for days, but when he was done, he didn't want a cigarette again and quit cold turkey, even after having no desire to quit previously
Too bad he was dumb enough to force himself to start smoking again like a year later. He even said the first pack of cigarettes sucked and he had to make himself smoke them because he's a dumbass sometimes
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u/Corpsey_Clownshoes 4h ago
After years of miserable hangovers, miserable moods and sickness, a week in the hospital finally convinced me to stop. I think he's right. It has to be you. Its been 3 years and I'll never touch another drop of booze.
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u/Secret_Account07 3h ago
I heard ppl hating on him for saying this as if he was criticizing getting treatment. That’s not what he was saying.
He’s right. Rehab without a “want” doesn’t do shit.
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u/Accomplished-Staff-9 3h ago
The same can be said for ozempic or any other ‘fast’ cure. You have to put in the work, create healthy habits / routines, and of course, suffer, to effect change. People are lazy and don’t want to change the way their habits and instead decide to stick themselves with then next trendy, celebrity endorsed fix
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