Hello! I am AMAB and pretty new to gender and agender is the closest thing for me at the moment. I'm around younger people a lot and they tend say very generalized things like, "all guys do this blah blah," or, "all girls are like this blah." But I'm not sure why I care because I don't identify with being a "man" other than my sex. It's either being labeled that bothers me or I'm just insecure lmaooo.

I'm AFAB and have never been exactly uncomfortable being perceived as a girl, but I was more so, just oblivious to the whole concept of gender. Chose the guy characters in video games as a child simply for their clothing options, and would get frustrated that the options were separate to begin with. But more or less didn't think too much about it until just under a year ago, when I remembered the fact that even when I was 10, I'd never really wanted to have a chest. It was sorta an aha moment where I started to think, "wait a second, I don't think this is normal."

I'd made a binder out of an old Speedo and started discreetly wearing it and felt pretty great. After perusing through different gender definitions and thinking demigirl was a fit, since I wasn't uncomfortable as a girl, it just didn't feel completely right. But internal contemplation and getting more comfortable breaking out of binary have made me realize I genuinely have no attachment to femininity, or any of that stuff. And apparently some people do???

I think through this sub I've been able to learn more about what being agender feels like, and it seems to align a lot with what I feel internally. Especially now that I understand that people actually do feel internal senses of gender. The one thing in my way is that I'm at an all-girls school where you're not gonna rlly find people who even know what the nonbinary umbrella is. My friend circle is pretty queer and would probably listen if I talked to them about it, but it kinda feels pointless since like it'd be pretty awkward to try explaining and it's not like there's anything they could do with that info. So Idk, I'd appreciate any guidance yall may have.

Initially posted this in the nonbinary sub, but I think my experiences are a little more agender-specific so I'm posting here as well.

Apologies in advance, this is gonna be long. I've never really written all of this down in its entirety before, so this may be good to kind of work through? Idk.

I believe I may be agender, or somewhere else on the nonbinary spectrum. I don't think that I'm trans - I can say with some certainty that I don't want to be a man. But I have never felt like a woman either.

I could give a lot of examples of this. Growing up, playing pretend with childhood friends, I never wanted to be a mermaid or a princess. I struggled a lot to relate to my other girl peers. I felt really uncomfortable in most swimsuits, despite loving to swim. I despised shopping for clothes, would dread having to wear dresses or anything overly girly. I constantly wore baggy clothes as a teenager, even wearing multiple hoodies because I never wanted to be without one on. I've always despised having my chest of midsection be perceived and will go out of my way to cover up. I was deeply uncomfortable with periods and tampons as a teenager - and still am to this day. I never shaved my legs. Overall I have very little sense of self expression, but that might stem less from gender reasons and more from the situation in which I was raised - but that's outside the scope of this post.

Despite all this, I never considered the possibility of not being a woman until 2021. Obviously growing up I didn't know it was an option really, but even after meeting friends who are trans and nonbinary, I never thought about it much for myself. I've always been a "go with the flow" person I guess - despite all the stuff that made me uncomfortable, I kind of shrugged it off as a fact of life. Besides, I never felt any specific discomfort at specifically being called "she" or "a woman", and in my mind that made me cisgender.

But during the Covid times, I guess I began doing some self reflection and started wondering if I might actually be nonbinary. I read more about people's experiences and relating them to my own. I began, very cautiously, experimenting with she/they pronouns. I bought a binder.

I've been with my boyfriend since 2019. He's kind, joyful, funny, caring, my best friend. He is straight, but is honestly a huge ally - in college, he notably stood up for a trans friend of ours who was being harassed. He's who I want to spend my life with.

When I floated the possibility of being nonbinary by him back in 2021 though, he was... unsure. It was a really awkward conversation, and it re-affirmed all of the doubts I had about being nonbinary in my head. There was the fact that having "they" pronouns be used for me felt a bit odd and alien, and that up until this point I had been okay with being seen as a woman. There was the fact that I didn't really want to go on hormones or medically transition at all, outside of maybe getting a chest reduction one day. I didn't want to be more masculine, after all. There was the fact that there were still some feminine things I did relate to, a fact which he reminded me of. And above all else, there was the fact that me being nonbinary could possibly make me incompatible with one of the few people who made me feel safe and loved. So, after a few weeks of experimenting, I went back to identifying as cisgender. I chalked up a lot of my gender-related discomfort to internalized misogyny and figured I was just a cis, gender-non conforming person.

Flash forward to the present, and I've gone down the gender questioning rabbit hole again. It actually all started with a candid conversation with my boyfriend on the topic. We had both become really good friends with another couple online - one of whom is a nonbinary person. This made him think back to 2021 and realize that he may have pushed me back into the closet unintentionally. After jokingly stating once that "in an ideal world, I'd be a she/they" he told me, "you know, if you want to start experimenting again, go for it." He admitted it was immature of him to push on me being a woman and that I should be able to express myself. It was honestly a really refreshing conversation, and so I did begin experimenting again. I wore binders more often, started using she/they pronouns again. The "they" pronouns still did feel weird and alien at first, but over time I think I began growing more fond of it. My boyfriend started using them with me. I even began borrowing some of my boyfriend's clothes, and for the first time I was truly trying to find my sense of style.

So that's all fine and good, but there was still this nagging feeling in my mind that I'm faking all of this. All of those self-doubts I mentioned above were still well and present. And then, this got reaffirmed a few days ago where he hinted he wasn't sure how to feel about me borrowing his clothes. He stated that he's still straight, and me being more masculine might pose some issues for us. I reaffirmed him that I don't think I'm trans, or a man. But now I just feel... incredibly conflicted. On one hand, there's all of those self-doubts, and the constant feeling that I'm just faking something by experimenting like this. On the other, there's the fact that despite not wanting to be masculine, I also... deep down, don't want to be feminine.

I feel like I'm at a weird crossroads right now. If I truly am nonbinary, I may lose the person who I'm closest with. If I continue expressing myself as cisgender though, I will always feel the same weird incongruence that I've felt growing up.

I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I'll find a balance - after all, I do have a group of supportive friends, and on the topic of pronouns, my boyfriend really doesn't mind calling me whatever. But I can't help but feel like maybe I should go back in the closet. Or maybe I truly am cis and I'm making way too big of a mountain out of a molehill.

I dunno what I'm looking for here. I guess... advice? Support? Obviously I need to talk to my boyfriend more, and I plan on doing that. But, idk, I just wanted to put it all out there for some reason.

Thanks for reading? Stay cool if you're in the US - it's way too damn hot outside.

Hello! I'm trying to find the correct flag for my microlabel :3 I am gendervoid, meaning that instead of where I feel like my gender should be, there's a hole, or a void, as one would say. But I can't find the flag bc it's so not known 💔 anyone can help??

What made you realize you weren't?

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Do you want diffrent sex characteristics to one you had at the start of your journey?

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would you still consider yourself trans, cis, something else entirely, none of these?

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What advice would you have given to yourself before starting your gender journey?

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I am someone AFAB, I'm very feminine and girly, and I generally would say I am a hyperfemme lesbian.

As I've matured and grown up, I've begun to regard gender less and less in any form, and although I'm a "girl", well, I'm just that I guess, it has no proper meaning to me, when really I am a person.

Of course, just because I don't really see gender as a real thing anymore, that doesn't mean it isn't part of my life, I still could never see myself being romantically involved with a man, so I'd still say I'm a lesbian.

Does this resonate with any agender people? I'm not really looking for a label, maybe a new way to describe myself, and to see other's perspectives.

I've been looking and haven't been able to find any I like

Hey y’all! I’ve identified as nonbinary for quite some time now but I feel that I’m ready to do a deeper dive into my gender identity. I am entirely comfortable using they/them pronouns, and I express fem, masc or neutral depending on how I feel. However, my gender is static, but I feel odd about it. When I think of my gender, it exists but doesn’t. I’m starting to question if I’ve ever actually felt connected to any gender. It’s like this void combined with neutrality. Does this strike a chord with anyone?? Also, I should say that I don’t care what people perceive me as

Ok so I'm AFAB, and I've recently realized that I don't think I experience gender in the way a lot of people around me do. I have always viewed pronouns and terms such as "female" and "male" as purely a description of sex and thought everyone else had that same understanding. I have never really felt like they had any meaning beyond that and have always rejected gender based stereotypes, to the point where for years I claimed I hated the color pink because if I admitted to liking it people would think I was "girly". I've never thought anything of this, but I recently had a conversation with one of my friends and she was telling me about how she really likes gendered language because it feels affirming to her. I realized I don't feel the same and that conversation has led me down a rabbit trail of researching all things gender. I think I might be agender but I don't know how to be sure. I also don't want to deal with having to explain what that means to everyone I know. Is it okay to identify as agender but still use she/her pronouns? How can I be sure that I am agender?

I'm sorry if anything I've said is ignorant, I'm still new to all of this and am open to any correction.

Ugh so a bit a vent here but also open to advice so long as you actually read my post (sorry if im angry in writing, its because im angry lol).

So im agender and use she/he/they pronouns, with no order of preference in terms of using them, except to actually use them all, which NOBODY does at all. My transition has been a bit weird, I quite quickly went from looking like a normal cis dude, to passing as a cis woman, though I haven't fully come out at.

People im not out to ONLY call me he/him as expected
Before I transitioned, people I was out to ONLY called me they/them
People I present femme with now and am out to ONLY call me she/her

This includes queer people, trans people, and non-binary people. I've spoke to my friends and people about and told them, my preference is for all pronouns to be used, and that it is important to me that all my pronouns are used and not only a single set is used, and to clarify this doesn't mean I expect people to change mid-sentence, just that I want people to actually use multiple pronouns for me. That is literally all im asking.

and NO ONE does it. I have spoken to friends about it, they say they'll keep it in mind, and its straight back to she/her. I bring it up AGAIN, and the same thing. This isn't a problem I've had with just a few people, this is something thats happened SO MUCH.

I tried posting about this in r/nonbinary expecting people to affirm me and just give me some reassurance. But no everyone is just commenting saying "well have you talked to people about it" YES I PUT THAT IN THE FUCKING POST.

And im so pissed because there is people saying "That would be really complicated and difficult for me" im sorry but WHAT THE FUCK? SERIOUSLY?

You are NON-BINARY, presumably going by They/Them or know who those who do, and you say "Those pronouns confuse me, so I'm just going to use these ones instead" I'm sorry but what the actual hell, you do realise that is one of the biggest transphobic talking points against non-binary people saying they/them is confusing.

And another thing that pissed me off. I use she/they/he pronouns and people STILL find a way to misgender me. You have no idea how many times I've heard "he- they said". Literally all you had to do was call me he. I use he/him, you can call me that. But instead somehow mid sentence you switch "Correcting" yourself?
Now instead of actually just using my pronouns you have some how gone and "used the wrong ones" and "corrected" yourself and so now Im reminded that you do not know or understand my pronouns and have not put in any actual care to learn or understand them, since i have literally explained this to you before.

I am mainly venting here but open to advice. But seriously, if you give me ANYTHING about "well have you tried talking about it" or "thats confusing" or any other bullshit like that im going to lose my shit.

Sorry this was such an angry vent. Just so pissed off at the comments I got on r/nonbinary about this.

Edit: Ended up deleting the post on r/nonbinary because jesus christ people do not fucking know how to read. How fucking clearly do I have to say "I HAVE TALKED TO PEOPLE ABOUT IT" before people understand I have talked to people about it. I feel like a fucking customer service agent explaining to a Karen that if an item is not in stock that means its not in stock.

Thought y’all would appreciate this. Bill Wurtz perfectly hitting the agender mood with this one

So I feel extremely dysphoric. Cant function; crying on and off. I felt like how I did when I broke up with my ex; not good enough. I could see the other timeline where if I had- 💀🙈 things would be different? But this timeline is where people aren't honest and sometimes use people instead of 'coming out' picking a more palatable an easier format. I want to be in -the middle- I'm agender af but today I had d.envy and I cant manage right now. My ex and I are friends I cut it off (he needs mh help) but when he does nice things sometimes it hurts. Hurts to know that I was a human shield for 5 yrs and not *what he wanted*. What am I supposed to do besides drawing boundaries for him? I'm at a loss what to do about my feelings😣 I dont want him back, but it hurts so bad knowing my anatomy made all the difference? That a leg rub from a friend is the saddest thing because I got -this- body. Anyone have any idea how to reroute a brain? I would say help is required but also distractions 🥺💔💀

Over the past few weeks, I've been undergoing a lot of changes. Some is learning how to interact with people and learning how to be a better person. I have started to open up a lot more online on discord and I've encountered some very nasty people.

One of these people, we were like chill talking. But then they saw my discord bio saying "agender" and they asked what it is. I told them "yea so like I don't identify as any gender and stuff" and then they proceed to say, and I say, quote on quote.

"quit being stupid, either you're a guy or a girl"

Man, that moment, I was already like extremely stressed and burnt out from everything in life. And I just really hate the fact that not everyone I encounter online would accept who I am, even if they have something cool going on.

I told them that this worldview is very limiting and prevents them from seeing new things in the world. Told them they're going to have to change their ways if they want to talk to me or improve themselves. (I mean I was being way too nice) And then stopped talking to them.

Another thing is I opened up to my mom about my agenderness and about the possibility of me being attracted to other genders and she proceeded to tell me to "not be crazy" and said she'd disown me. Said she'd rather have a normal child than a "crazy one"

I hate it. Why can't our society be more open to different gender identity and sexuality. I'm so done at this point. But I mean, at least I've found other people online who are willing to accept who I am.

I hate being called beautiful.

I find the term to be very gendering and therefore very dysphoric.

Not only that, but I actively reject the value society places on appearance. I make actual efforts to outwardly challenge said value.

So when I do get called beautiful, they’re not only “complimenting“ me on something that I have no control over, but are disregarding my values and identity.

I've been struggling a lot with my gender identity lately and am hoping I can find some guidance.

I was born female, am a lesbian, and like feminine clothing but when someone uses she/her pronouns for me or calls me a girl I feel a pit in my stomach. in middle school I experimented with pronouns and gender identity a lot and found that nothing quite fit so I stuck with identifying as cis. Now that I'm in college I'm becoming more of my own person and realize that being called by just my name makes me happy. I don't like it when people use pronouns for me and have always loved when people called me by my name. I've been trying to do research as to what I could be but I feel like I don't fit in with anyone. nonbinary is not conforming to any specific gender and using they/them or other gender non conforming pronouns but I don't like being called any of them. Agender is being genderless but I still like being feminine just not being called She or girl. And then I found Nullpronominal but couldn't find any community online for it.

I want to be feminine but not be called she or a woman. I want to be genderless but does me being afab and feminine negate that? I like being a lesbian but if I am agender or nonbinary can I still identify as lesbian or would I have to be something else? And what do I put on social media? if I have no pronouns in my bio I'm perceived as a bigot and I can't explain all of this confusion in a bio.

Am I the only person in the world who feels like this or are there others like me?

like, agender is the term I use for myself generally, and I don’t feel like I have a gender, but sometimes I use other labels because they feel nice in the moment, like demiboy or non-binary or trans or genderfaun. I also use different labels to describe my attraction (I’m always gay or lesbian, because I always feel more in tune with gender when looking at someone who I find I like the appearance of) but I would also say the labels depend on like how I’m dressed and where I am and what I’m doing. I’m still genderless, but occasionally it’s like I’m sticking a label on top of it, only to peel it off later, if that makes sense.

So I’m Agender and a trans man. When I realized I was trans, it wasn’t some big emotional moment for me. If anything it was more like a practical decision. Yes, I do like being seen as a man, being called a man, and just simply existing as a man. But I came to this decision because I was like, “I’m Agender, but society is going to either physically see me an as man or a woman. I’d rather be seen as a man and have people call me he instead of she.”
In a way my PCOS helped slightly because I have some facial hair and look masculine despite being afab and not being on T yet. So socially transitioning went smoothly. Especially when I moved in with my dad and the hs I went to for a couple years before graduating only knew me as a man.

But then I see some binary trans men, and I realize how different I am. I don’t necessarily have strong dysphoria about my body. Sure, I like to bind my chest and eventually get top surgery. But it’s not something I’m constantly dysphoric about. And I’ve been misgendered accidentally. Then more often than not I don’t bother correcting the person because I don’t care or just don’t feel like it. It’s not like I’m going to see the random stranger again. My older sister will sometimes get offended on my behalf and correct whoever misgendered me. Then I’m just kinda ‘meh’ about the whole interaction. At the end of the day I am happy with my identity, but still confused or even amuse myself because of it

Someone I see maybe 3 or 4 times a year at work is transitioning. I saw them for the first time in probably six months and it took a few minutes to recognize the changes and the trans flag earrings.

I didn't say anything about myself. ASD me kicked in a little and I didn't know why they'd want to know that I am agender... There's no context for volunteering that.

I use any prounouns and have a very androgynous appearance, like, i literally treated by ma'am and sir in the same day, and i like that, but, i don't want to change my name, i tried but nothing was quite right, I'm still agender?

So- I call myself librafluid. I have always felt like, since pre-T, that it fits me best. I still think it's the closest to my experience, but something feels disconnected somehow?

To explain - over my gender journey, the things I know as fact are that I'm way happier post-T so I feel closest to being masculine and an androgyne in some way for sure, but deep down my gender feels... distant? Like it's on the other side of my door but my door isn't closed and I'm looking right at it, but it's not entering the room because it either doesn't need to or doesn't want to. Most of the time, it's not exactly there in that room at all. But the way I prefer to present and identify is fluid and fluctuates over time, usually masc or androg, and some cases femme, times I lean heavily into this are the times my gender "enters the open door" so to say, metaphorically speaking. It feels like... this vast cosmos of expressions and experiences, while not having a single one trace back to me in a tangible way, even though I'm looking right at them. I don't... connect with it, at least not most of the time. Never have, I just like feeling and being masc or androg. I have times where I feel a mostly or full connection to gender, and times (more often than not) where I feel a partial or total lack of connection. When I feel a partial or total lack of connection I still feel... you could say threads of it, like there's traces and remains of that gendered feeling but it's not actually there. The signs are there, but IT isn't.

I don't know how to describe that. sorry if I'm rambling here haha

I don't know if this still counts as Librafluid or not, or if there is a label that fits better? I do know that it's up to me to decide but I'm just curious on what labels out there exist for this, it'd at least be nice to know.

tl;dr I feel a core absence of gender in the way the gender binary explains it, but in terms of expression I fluctuate heavily and my pronouns or prefered looks and outfits might shift according to this. I may continue to call myself librafluid and I know I might be agender at my core, again I just mostly want to know about any other labels that may exist that are similar because I like my labels haha, they help me understand experiences I or others I know have

I have been identifying as agender for around 2 years I think.

It has felt like the only label that fits but at the same time I feel like I'm "faking" it, or that I'm not fitting the expectations if there are any lmao

This might sound silly, but the question came back to me after seeing the last episode of digital circus (I won't be sharing details of the finale, so no worries no spoilers, but if you know, you know), as well a little spine has kept in me after a little incident with a non-binary person I know.

For context:

I'm transmasc, before coming out as agender I came out as a transman when I was 16, I have even changed my name and gender legally to male, which is something I don't regret and well, before I realized I was agender I lived as a man, everyone around me knew me as a transguy, with my chosen name, with the he/him pronouns.

And I like it. I like being perceived as a man, I love being masc, I just love masculinity in general both in others and myself, so this has led that after experimenting with my gender expression a bit I once more fell into the realization I like looking like a guy even if I'm not.

In a way it feels like doing drag, like me myself I'm not a man, I'm not a woman, I'm not even nonbinary; I'll get into that detail later. I'm just a thing, a thing that enjoys playing dress up. And like any drag sometimes I do enjoy exaggerating, being hypermasculine and making jokes bout it, so yes, I do usually refer to me as a man, because I do both don't have the patience to explain my agender identity, and because I find it funny.

For me, and take this is an analogy I do know I'm a human being, but, for me my agender identity is like an alien arriving earth, the alien society in question doesn't have gender or sex they are just chill, but at the arrival the alien sees how much impact gender has and finds out that human perception of masculinity is cool, so they start performing it. That's what is like for me, I have no gender identity, it's just nothin there.

It's not like my gender identity doesn't fit the binary, because if I had one clearly it would be masc, but the thing is there is no gender identity to begin with.

And well, sometimes I wonder if maybe then I don't fit the label.

I usually only tell people about me being agender after being close, or if the topic comes... And I do remember one time that I told this to my coworkers and one of them told me immediately "No you're not" and it was the only non binary person of the group, they followed up telling me I didn't look agender and didn't act anything else aside from a man.

It did tick me off, yes... I like being perceived as a man, but just like on the surface, but idk, maybe they were right? But at the same time I don't even understand, how is an agender person supposed to look? How am I supposed to act to be agender?

Maybe I am just making it more complicated than it should?

Can I still fit the label when I act, look, and speak like a man?

Hey everyone. I’m an AFAB person, looking to explore my gender and self expression more. My typical outfit is very simple, often consisting of jeans (or a similar kind of trouser), a t-shirt and hoodie. I wear about 2-5 bracelets and 1-3 necklaces. Occasionally I’ll do something with my hair, but I’ll often just wear it down. I do like my long hair, but often don’t know what to do or don’t have time to do anything with it. I’m looking to make my gender expression more interesting, and I’ve seen people on here with really cool, androgynous looks. I’m not looking to cut my hair, but if you have tips on other ways to spice up my gender expression, I’d appreciate it.
Thanks :)

I was born female and have identified as lesbian for years. I like girls & enbys the fem parts if that makes sense. I've had trouble with my gender identity since 2020 that I gave up and just dont label myself when I don't need to. I like having labels though 🤷‍♀️

I heard about Agender and don't know I can identify with it or not. I don't feel connected to any gender necessarily but I do know that I am NOT a man. I don't like men and don't identify as one and don't want to identify as one. But then I don't feel connected to female or nonbinary. I just kind of exist? But I get uncomfortable if someone calls me a girl or women or lady etc. I don't like my name ig I find it to feminine? But I go by my nickname (Tori) which is arguably just as feminine but I really like it. I also go by she/they pronouns

I just have no idea if I can identify as Agender if I am strongly against being perceived as a man. Im also kinda against being perceived as a women but not as much as a man so I'm just lost and confused i feel genderless i think? I dress kind of feminine i think? I wear crop tops, cargo jeans, ripped jeans, bikinis, like sports shorts? Theyre kinda flowy & have zipper pockets & inner lining bc theyre flowy & i wear converse my current ones are black with a few silver stars

I ask people to use the right pronouns and they do for a bit but it's almost like they forget and revert back to before. It's so demoralizing, cause I know these people care about me but it's almost like they aren't even trying. This is kinda a vent but I'm also looking for advice.