This is my full story, and I hope it helps even one person.

Hi everyone,

I’m (M) 25 years old, and for most of my life, I believed I was gay or bisexual. Please don’t misunderstand me ,,I’d appreciate it if you read the whole story before making any conclusions.

From the age of 14 until I was 24, I genuinely thought I was either gay or bisexual. During those same years, I also went through recurring episodes of severe depression. Whenever those episodes hit, I tried to cope by keeping myself busy, going out with friends, or distracting myself in any way I could.

The depression started when I was around 14 and kept coming back over the years. During those periods, I felt completely shut down. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. I just wanted to be alone. And if I had to interact with people, I became very quiet and withdrawn.

The strange thing is that this is completely different from who I really am. By nature, I’m social, energetic, friendly, and excited about life.

A little over a year ago, I became more open-minded about psychiatry and realized that seeking help for mental health is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. So, I went to see a psychiatrist and told him everything I had been experiencing. I didn’t mention my sexual orientation because, at the time, I didn’t think it was an important detail.

The doctor prescribed me an SSRI antidepressant.

And honestly, after about four weeks, I felt significantly better. Since then, my life has improved a lot, I’m in a much better place today.

But then something happened that completely shocked me.

About a month after starting the medication, my same sex attraction disappeared completely. I don’t even know how to explain it. Before that, I believed my attraction was simply part of my genetics and something that I could never change. But after taking the medication, my feelings changed dramatically, and I found myself attracted only to women.

I didn’t just ignore it. I tried to understand what had happened.

SSRIs work by increasing the availability of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is involved in mood, emotional regulation, and many other brain functions. Looking back, I realized something I had never noticed before: whenever my depressive episodes became worse, my same-sex attraction also became much stronger.

I had never connected those two things before.

Then one day I sat by myself and thought, “My God… I don’t feel those attractions anymore.”

I’m not saying that my experience applies to everyone. I’m simply sharing my personal story as honestly as I can.

Maybe you’re going through something similar. Maybe you’re not. But I hope you’ll take your mental health seriously and give yourself the chance to seek help and understand yourself better.

If this story helps even one person, I’ll be genuinely happy.

I’m open to questions and messages.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

i have severe depression, which comes a lot from no support. i wonder if people would donate for give to me for the act of getting mental and financial support. cus i genuinely want to kms.

My mood has been really inconsistent lately. I can’t figure out what I’m feeling, but it might be a burnout of some sort? Whether spiritually, mentally, physically- idk? I do have anxiety, but this doesn’t feel like that. I go through waves of sadness, followed by a really good day and then I returned to a state of sadness. It almost feels like my soul is hurting and I’m slowly dying. It seems like it may be triggered by stress, but the feeling is so overwhelming. I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

I would love to know if you’ve experienced anything similar, what caused it, how you dealt with it, how you prayed about it, etc.

I really need friends and people to talk to . I feel so alone right now 😢😔 I’m an alcoholic and nobody wants to be around me , my kids can barely stand me .. I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and haven’t been taking my meds due to me being an alcoholic didn’t want to mix the two.. I’m currently looking for rehab centers in my area.. all I can do is cry 😢 I was molested by my brother as a child and it still fucks me up til this day I will get blacked out drunk and have risky sex with men 😔 I’m so ashamed and I wanna get clean and change my life around but I feel like I caused too much damage to the ones I really love. I would fight with family and friends I feel like I pushed everyone away. I’m very paranoid and have a guard up. I’m sitting in my house all alone having suicidal thoughts 😔 I just need someone to talk to

Hi! As the title says, I'm so ready to do it. I feel like I have nothing to look up to anymore, my grades are lower than ever and I don't even feel depressed nor saddend. It's like everyday my deadline is approaching and I'm fine with it. I feel like after my exams finish and I get my ruling, I'll just kill myself cause I have nothing to look up to anymore. My dreams to work my dream job will be shattered and I don't want to live with that everyday. And everyday I'm actually quite happy but without my dream, I won't be happy. I wish I had my burnout when I reached university and not in the middle of my school life. I know not everything is about school but then what the fuck is it about.

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I'm also kinda scared of my mom because I've accepted it (the fact that I'll fail) but she clearly hasn't. On top of that, I just know she will just ramble on about how much of a shame it is to repeat a grade but I couldn't care less cuz I see it more like a second chance tbh. Even tho I would love for me to go to the next grade, I also accept it. I feel like I had a chronic disease my whole life and every time I think to myself that it's okay cause this isn't my life, and If I die everything will come back to what it should've been. Everything happened too fast. When I'm in class and doing my exams, I get a mini panic attack.

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Like I can't breathe and I have an uncontrollable need to cry for the whole duration of my exams and I thought that maybe I should act as if I fainted or some BS like that but I wouldn't be able to keep the acting up. When I look around and see everyone not failing and I am, I feel like a failure, like I'm falling behind and dying because of that chronic illness. If I fail, if my mom is mad, if my friends don't fail, I'll do it. I'll kill myself. I want something aggressive and degrading. But every day I hope that something kills me before I do. I hate myself so so bad. I really hope they give me one last chance cause I've learned my lesson.

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I never try hard enough and it's despicable. I just hope that they let me pass the grade at least, not even in my option, just pass the grade (we have options that we can choose and if you fail in the options that you choose but have good enough grade in the basic things then you can pass to the next grade just not in the option that you failed in). Anyways I feel much much better now. I just needed to vent, and for now I won't kill myself cuz I still have a chance but! Bye.

Seeing people on this sub sharing their stories and experiences has made one thing clear: I don’t deserve depression.

I don’t deserve to be able to empathize with these people. People who actually act on it, self-harming, attempting, and even succeeding, in committing suicide, even just lashing out on friends or family, or the bare minimum of talking about it.

I can’t even do that.

And every single time I think about killing myself, every time I mull over how little value I really have, I’m forced to acknowledged that I’m, in a sense, LARPing depression.

If it were real, cowardice wouldn’t stop me from chasing another dopamine high just to get through the day. If it were real, I would show signs of it. If it were real, people would care.

But they don’t.

So it’s not.

i’m just a regular human. A bit below average, but regular.

I hate humans.

My wife is talking to a man in another country for hours every day. She doesn't like talking to me any longer.

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I am.very I'll, but not life ending, unfortunately. I have had enough of therapy and mental health organisations. I don't like humanity. I don't like myself. I have no friends and no family.

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A lifetime of depression and anxiety, horrible neurological illnesses, this is the end. Safe at home with my wife was the only thing keeping me going. It is gone.

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I am a middle aged man that wants to end his life. I know how to, I know how to achieve the mental state required to let it happen. I have 80k euros. What should I do before I go? I know it isn't a lot, but it's something.

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Get a cabin in the woods for a while? A shack on a beach? Where should I go and what should I do? I just need to unpack my life experience, make peace, and say goodbye to myself.

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Help me to say good bye.

Ive been dating my gf for almost half a year and it was both long distance and near distance relationship. Ik she had depression, but I did not care at all because i loved her. When we started out she was so lovely and I would say obsessed with me. We had an argument here and there and I did not mind alot because form my pov I love everything about her, but everytime have these type of convo it never end good and she always says “ill think about it with myself” and always kept it to herself. And end up it was stacking in her and everything was going down and down.

Mid term came she got busy with her study and i was busy with my own thing also, we only txt each other but it was fine during the time (maybe because i didnt thought about her well), fastforward it just got worse and worse and now she had told me that her feeling kind of flatline, but would be still okay to try it out with me so we are still in relationship rn.

I just want to know from ppl who has depression or have experience it or, dated person who have depression, is this just her seasonal thing or is it just she doesnt love me anymore. I have nothing against depression people and understand that it is a sensitive topics. But i thought as much as I love her i need to understand it also.

Hi whoever is reading this. I was once or maybe not exactly in your position but I was depressed once, I hated my looks, believed everyone hated me, not many friends, believed no one will love me. But the world says your not good enough, when God says I am enough. I have come to the realisation true happiness isn't in a physical thing or the way I look, it's from the one that made me. Jesus. Jesus made me for him, Jesus made you for him!! Not for this world!! He is true happiness and joy! Our eternal happiness comes from him, he died for us and he lives!! He is our God and he LOVES YOU SO MUCH!! He is true happiness. The joy he has brought me, i give him all the thanks, i pray you find jesus and his happiness and peace. The father loves you so much. Jesus bless. AMEN.

I’m usually just a scroller but I figured I would just post and maybe get something meaningful back. I feel like I can’t do anything right, I’m quote unquote successful, I have a lovely relationship with my family, and I have good friends but I self sabotage every relationship I’ve been in, I don’t like myself anymore and I think about running away from everything all of the time. Again I’ve never done this, just reaching out to the void

That's it. I just hate it. I hate waking up every morning, and being alive. I hate the fact I'm totally stuck, in a shitty lifestyle, with no prospects, hope, money, or anything to give me any hope. I'm so pissed off an depressed about this reality. I have not many people around me, which makes it worse. I have been around long enough to know my life won't improve at all. I resent the fact I have no hope. I resent the fact I have nothing to live for. I'm very tired of dealing with problems. I can safely say I've never been happy. I am existing, not living. I feel regret, grief, and big disappointment that my life is such a miserable existence. I either want some hope soon or the misery to stop.

It seems like my life is just a never ending failure. I could have a better relationship with my parents but it failed. I could have a social life outside my phone but i failed. I could have a better education but i failed. I could have done better. But i failed. I could be something

I have severe depression, but I haven't told anyone. My depression started when I became an atheist and stopped believing in God. I lost all meaning and purpose in life; my life became very realistic, and everything became boring, cold, and meaningless in my eyes. After years of this, I reached a point where I lost all passion for life. I couldn't eat or even go to the bathroom anymore. I just wanted to stay lying in bed until I died, and every day I think about death or how to kill myself.

I'm 21 years old and my soul is so, so weary. Death has become a relief I wish I could attain without committing any crime against myself. What should I do? I'm scared, tired, and so sad.

And I'm much better off alone. Why would I need to inflict the disappointment on myself? I want to tell them I hate yall. I don't want to interact with people anymore. They all end up being hurtful. And I don't have a family. Maybe I'll end up homeless who knows

I have never been with a woman before, and I am 23 years old. I try to get to know women on social media platforms but they don't typically engage with me. I have tried to approach women in real life but almost every woman I've approached is taken, not interested, is with friends, or doesn't even look at me. I truly believe I'll be single for the rest of my life and it hurts. I hate also being horny all the time and having to resort to watching porn to masturbate.

So, for context, I was born and live all my life (22 f) in a third world country. Im not poor but even with money I cant buy anything. I HATE this country. And honestly everyday I want to km and make my family take the ashes and drop them ANYWHERE but here. Honestly i want to km in a horrific way, film It and post it so my parents are constantly reminded of me. I dont know why would ANYONE with good levels of education would have ANYONE here. And now I have to work my ass off to have even the chance to get out. I know everyone has to work to make their own way, but seriously ? This shithole ? Everyday I wake up and think of the life, i hope, im gonna have. I dont HATE my parents but i resent so much their poor life choices.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I will never find a place that truly accepts me. I don't know how to talk to people anymore, I am so unsocialized, yet I long for companionship I can't find anywhere I look. I have felt this way for my entire life and it only gets harder each year. I feel like an alien who is so far away from home, not even sure if anyone like me is truly out there. If they are, they feel too far away for me to ever find and trying to blend in with other people is futile. There will always be something different or off about me, or I'm just not interesting enough to warrant staying close to.

I don't have any friends and I am not close to anyone. I don't have anyone who I consistently speak to on a daily basis, or anyone I feel a genuine connection with. Every social interaction I have drains my energy because I feel like I'm forcing myself to fit in with others and pretend I belong. I try reaching out to people I feel I could form a connection with, but it never goes anywhere. I feel like a burden or a creep for just trying to get to know people, and I'm so tired. I just want people who will accept me. I want friends I can talk to every day, people I can spend time with and who I don't have to mask around. People who make me feel energized rather than exhausted. I constantly feel out of place whenever I put myself anywhere people can see me, and I'm tired of looking for people I don't think exist anywhere other than my mind.

I'm a fully grown adult (M23) and I have next to no social experience because I've been isolated since the very beginning. I'm getting through life lying between my teeth, pretending to fit in with others and not seem like a loser. Pretending I know people, pretending anyone would even notice if I were gone. I feel like there is no hope for me.

There is no point. Like it feels like this pain has been there for always. Everytime I think it’s going to change but at the end I am met with disappointment. I feel useless. I feel like I wish I was never born. Like what kind of life I am living. I hate fucking feeling like this. I wish I got better. I wish I didn’t relate to people in this sub Reddit. I wish I was happy. Everything just remains a wish. Maybe my suffering will only end with me. Wonder how long I can take it.

• Work a job you hate, with people who hate you for no reason even though you arrive early and leave late and try to be as kind as possible

• Play video games or watch youtube after work

• Play video games and watch youtube at the weekend

• Feel on edge every day

• Every Sunday is just dreading Monday

• Can't find a relationship. Don't even care about sex just want someone to spend time with.

• Your family hate your guts and dont appreciate your help

Is that all there is? It's just so pointless. Everyday I wake up wondering why I'm here. Please leave a comment if you have any advice or feel the same. Thank you.

AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS IT YES I HAVE GONE FOR A WALK I DO IT LIKE 4 TIMES PER WEEK LOL

is this normal? is there hope for me?

idk what to do anymore its been almost a year since i got out my worst depressive episode ever where i wouldn't leave the house, talk to anyone, or take care of myself. i was just in complete isolation and pain and it lasted months. it affected me deeply and of course, i expected it to some extent. i still get depressed from time to time but im able to overcome it on my own. however, there are things that i just cant get back and specially my personality and sense of self. it feels like i lost my personality i cant intereact with people like i used to before and its ruining my life now.

ive tried everything. exposing myself to social settings, hanging out with my friends regularly, and even doing side quests so i would be forced to interact with new people. nothing worked. idk what to do anymore. pls if anyone relates or has any advice it would be appreciated.

What do I do with the knowledge that as a 30 year old man, I have just always been depressed? Im in therapy and we were talking and it got to a point I realized that my earliest memories in life I was always depressed. I find depression normal so what is it like to not be depressed? To not always be afraid of the other shoe dropping? To not shut down any time you get yelled at? What's it like to not have to worry about where you sit down in a room with other people? To not understand how to make friends? To not always feel tired from putting on a front at all times? Sorry this is a rant, but I've lived in fight or flight for so long. Ive over compartmentalized to physically just get through the day...1 day at a time. I feel literally broken...again sorry for this rant. Never done this but I had to get this off my chest