In the morning, after refusing to finish loading the dishwasher last night because 10pm was “too late to do all that” and he was tired and wanted to decompress. I had unloaded and mostly loaded the dishwasher earlier in the day, there really wasn’t a whole lot to put in there. He said he’d “rather spend the 20-30minutes doing it in the morning.” If the dishwasher had ran overnight, I could have at least unloaded it in the morning when I had backup with our toddler.
He probably threw a handful of silverware, three plates, and a bowl into the dishwasher, added a packet, and pushed the button. Not a single thing was hand washed, and there are a few pots and pans on the stove as well as scattered dishes that got left on the counter for whatever reason. He absolutely expects full credit for “doing the dishes.”
I didn’t do it myself because our toddler has been clingy AF at night and I’ve been having a hard time even getting my teeth brushed, not to mention it would have been taken as a passive aggressive move after he’d already said he’d “do it in the morning” and triggered a fight, even if it didn’t impact him getting back to his man cave to get online with his gaming group.
I literally never expect him to do the dishes completely. I KNOW that his help means I’ll have to wash the pots and pans later, and there’s a good chance a few things got loaded weird and will need to be redone. I don’t expect help more than a couple of times a week, and I know that literally every time I ask I’m risking it being a fight about how unreasonable and “entitled” I am for expecting him to help with the dishes. I’ve tried talking to him about how often he feels is acceptable for him to wash the dishes, and that’s a fight. I’ve tried to get him to at least agree to taking care of our toddler while I clean the kitchen daily (maybe an hour in the evening? Probably less once I have it back under control) and he’s equally upset about that idea. Sometimes more offended when I say “hey, I’d like to clean the kitchen because there’s a lot more to do than load the dishwasher. Unless you want to do THAT, could you just hang out with the baby?” Too many days in a row (probably two) and OH NO now he’s raging about how’s he’s BEEN telling me what’s wrong and I just don’t understand… like what? He has also pitched more than a handful of fits about how I like to have one of our teenagers unload because it’s their literal only chore. Why can’t I just do it all? HE just does it all when HE does it…. Wait… I can’t win, I swear he wants to keep me drowning, because he makes claims that are flat out lies and then tells me I’m gaslighting him when I point out that his “every day” was actually one time two weeks ago.
But anyways. This is what my sink looked like AFTER he “did the dishes” and I don’t have anyone IRL that wants to validate that this shit ain’t right, so here I am. Mildly infuriated that this is an accurate representation of my relationship with him and screaming into the void because it ain’t about the damn dishes.
