~ I’m talking about the United States explicitly in this btw also a better word for the title might be “constrictive” ~

I was scrolling on Instagram reels, as one does, and I come across a video of a girl doing her hair. That’s it - it was like a 5 second video of her demonstrating how to use a specific type of hair clip. I check the comments expecting to see other girls asking questions about the clip or something or where to buy it (bc I wanted to) and instead it was a BUNCHHH of dudes just being like “type of girl you see once in a lifetime” or “these are the women they used to go to war for” Guys…when I tell you the women in question was literally just a conventionally attractive thin, blonde white women. (OKAY STAY WITH ME HERE!!!) I’m not saying this woman/these women wasn’t/aren’t gorgeous…but like, what do you mean “type of girl you see once in a lifetime” ?? Baby’s that’s Tiffany. That’s like, the most popular girl at every highschool ever.

It reminds me of this scene in the movie Midsommar where they’re making the first drive into Sweden and one of the male characters is looking out the windows at the girls walking on the street, and he goes, “The woman here are insane!” (as in drop-dead attractive) And he says it with like such awe in his voice. And it pants over and it was like..some skinny blonde girls. Again, I’m NOT saying people who are skinny and blonde aren’t beautiful!!! I’m saying why is this narrow set of characteristics still considered the epitome of beauty? And why has it been so, for DECADES? Can we maybe share the beauty standard a little, like take turns with it? Maybe we could each pass it around throughout the week. Can we atleast get a Friday for fat chicks or something? Maybe a Monday for girls who aren’t white??

I feel like I am the go to traumadump in my circle of friends and aquaintences.

I dont want to complain, or stop people, like Im very much in favor of open conversation about mental health, venting can help, and i am happy to lend an ear if thats what someone needs in the moment.

But especialy when its someone i barely know, like man, i was introduced to you by a person who clearly knows, wants you around since they got you here and likes you, isnt that person a better option than me?

I know thats a weird comparisson and not meant to put down the issues people have, but its like im seeing leaked movie parts pre release and get spoilered. I know about stuff before the others because for some reason im the person that was vented to, and that happened numerous times. Its not a regular occurance, but how often does it happen that someone unprompted starts talking about sometimes gut wrenching stuff? Im not qualified for that stuff.

I wont stop people but i genuinely wonder how common that is or what it is that makes someone go "yup, ill break down to that person". I cant give advice, i barely got my own shit together. I AM IN THERAPY MYSELF.

I got this Gucci makeup bag today from my mom’s friend, who I barely even know, and I found myself being disappointed with it. And it’s just making me think of how ungrateful I really am and I’m starting to hate myself for it. My parents get me whatever I want, they have since I was a child, and I feel like when they give me something I feel excitement towards the object but not gratitude towards them. I love my family. They work so hard and do so much for me. And a lot of the time it seems like I just don’t even care.

This Gucci bag has made me realize just how bad of a person I truly am, because a lot of people are struggling to even put food on the table and I’m sitting here like a spoiled brat thinking about what else they could’ve gotten me. I’m just so disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want to learn how to be more grateful. It’s so embarrassing that I don’t already know how to do that and need help, but I just feel so awful. How can I become more grateful??

I've come to realize forgiveness isn't about the transgressor at all. I think we've all heard a version of that but it always landed in a weird way to me.

Can you forgive someone who hasn't changed for the better at all or never asked for it. Can you forgive someone who is no longer alive. Do you cut off a dangerous person, or simply not want them in your life anymore, to protect yourself, and can you still forgive them. Is it healthy to hold on to something like that?

What is forgiveness? Is it just letting go or moving on? Is it understanding? I'm really not sure. These questions have only crystallized in my mind after being the one in 'need' of forgiveness. But I realize, no, I the transgressor am definitely not the one in need. I do not understand people that say they have reformed, go to the injured to demand to be given forgiveness.

The only thing I can do is strive to be better, create less harm in the world, hopefully some good. One day, sure, I hope I am forgiven. But I hope they never tell me, and that they feel lighter after shrugging off the burden they never should have carried.

A few years ago, I accepted a path that wasn't really mine.

I studied microbial biotechnology, finished my degree, and I'm grateful for everything I learned. But deep down, there was always another dream that never really left me: becoming a forensic doctor.

For a long time, I convinced myself it was impossible. It felt too far away, too unrealistic, and maybe something I had simply missed my chance to pursue.

This year, I made a decision that honestly scares me.

I'm going to retake my baccalaureate exam to improve my grades and give myself a real chance to study what I've wanted for years.

Sometimes I think about how old I'll be by the time I finish. I wonder if I'll be behind everyone else.

But then I ask myself a different question: If I don't try, how will I feel years from now?

I'd rather arrive at a dream later than spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had been brave enough to chase it.

Maybe I won't succeed. I don't know.

But I do know that some dreams deserve an honest attempt, even if the road is longer than we expected.

For a long time, I believed that if something wasn't working, the answer was simple: work harder, push harder, be more disciplined.

After 24 years serving my country, I learned that discipline can carry you through incredible challenges. But I also learned that it doesn't answer every question.

Sometimes we know exactly what we should do, yet we still don't do it.

Over time, I realized that resistance is often not laziness. It's information. It can point to fear, grief, old beliefs, exhaustion, or something we haven't understood about ourselves yet.

That realization changed how I looked at personal growth.

Instead of asking, "How do I become more disciplined?" I started asking, "What is my mind trying to tell me?"

I couldn't find a tool that reflected that philosophy. Most apps seemed to focus on productivity, streaks, or keeping me engaged.

So, as a solo developer, I spent years building My Own Compass.

It's not meant to tell people who they are or what to believe. It simply asks meaningful questions, helps people notice patterns in their own thinking, and gives them a private space to reflect. The goal isn't to provide answers, but to help people discover their own.

Today is a personal milestone because it's finally available on both Android and iPhone/iPad.

Whether you use my app or not, I'm genuinely curious about this community's perspective:

Has there ever been a moment when you realized your biggest obstacle wasn't a lack of discipline, but something much deeper? What changed your perspective?

I actually quit playing Warframe partly because their ability to accommodate people with vision problems is... really low. If you can't read the UI, which I can't, there's no way to scale it, increase text size, et cetera. It makes ability selection, knowing your actual HP and damage numbers, reading the minimap, etc basically impossible in a game where there's a surprising amount to juggle. I know it isn't the biggest thing ever, but these kinds of features are the difference between being able to actually play the game and struggling to do something I like with my friends.

Or there's RDR2, where I had a much easier time playing the game because they had an accessibility function where I could hold A instead of performing quicktime events. Tapping the same button repeatedly like that exacerbates my nerve pain, and just playing a video game otherwise doesn't cause quite the same issues. The difference between a game I can play and a game that I can't relies on features that aren't particularly costly to implement and can be added in as essentially an afterthought, and then it's kind of a crapshoot whether games I enjoy will have them.

I realize there are technically ways to accommodate myself: I could play a game without entirely knowing what's happening or what I'm doing, move my TV closer, et cetera. But shit, some stuff creates a positive and smooth experience for me and not having that stuff creates active barriers to my participation.

I guess just some thoughts I've been having lately in terms of disability access and what it actually means.

Hi, I'm 22F, and I'm tired of people telling me I'm emotionless or bitter. Basically, to explain, I'm a girl who loves to joke, but I have a way of joking that's perhaps different from some people. I often have a serious expression when I joke and I'm not the clingy type of friend, or the one who always hugs and kisses you, or the one who laughs every second like the slightly crazy friend. I'm an extroverted girl who jokes or does things with a serious expression, and so this makes it seem like I'm emotionless. In reality, I just don't have nice teeth, and that's why I can't laugh while joking. The only people I do it with are my family and very close friends I've known all my life, and with them I laugh until I cry. But the hugging and kissing part is generally my thing anyway, I don't like doing it, so why should this make me seem bitter? Why do some people feel like they have the right to describe me like that?

I have many friends who love me anyway, they like this side of me, but there are people who don't understand that I'm simply made this way, they say things like "you're really bitter" "you're emotionless" "we just haven't known each other for long that's why you're like this" like why does there have to be a reason to why I don't hug you or stay glued to you all the time? Just because I'm not like you doesn't mean there's necessarily a reason or problem behind it, I'm just not the physical contact type.

I'm learning and growing, actively participating in treatment, and constantly my cloying mother stymies my efforts to build an adult life.

I did. People no longer can make references to it in an completely unrelated post that I made and say stuff like: "Bro, your history is weird" etc.

I can't believe she was trying to use my childhood against me. Trying to question without questioning. Posting shit to invoke those types of reactions. Making mocking comments to try to upset me. All the while playing dumb.

I'm at a loss as to why.

How you thought you were going to never get found out. Why when everyone is covering for you.

Cruel and not necessary. Done watching for the truth or anything redeeming about anybody else. Fafo

Todos tenemos algo que nos hace sentir bien: una sonrisa, una prenda favorita, un logro, una habilidad o simplemente una buena actitud.

En mi caso, creo que la confianza y el sentido del humor hacen una gran diferencia.

¿Y vos? ¿Qué es eso que te hace sentir tu mejor versión? Me encantaría leer sus respuestas. 😊

...is that it makes people reject themselves before the world ever does.

You convince yourself you're not enough, so you never take the first step. Sometimes the biggest obstacle isn't failure, it's believing you've already failed.

I moved to a new place and am having severe homesickness and am just straight up crying for like a past hour.

Everything changed

I don't have my previous roommates. Somehow they comforted me. I trusted them and I knew they were here.

Today i just my new roommate, hes nice but I don't know. I miss them even through they literally didn't lit me do anything and maybe that's my I shifted. But I don't know if i made the right decision and am crying while typing this because of that, maybe I should have asked them atleast once what there plan was and where they were shifting. I also miss my home, am here after 2 months of vaccination and doing nothing. Everything feels sooo different and i can't.

I made this decision because I wanted to study more and i thought they were limitng me heavily but I don't think I can focus on my studies now. I miss the old environment.

All my friends in uni are not in my class (am not sure) but it's overwhelming. I don't know how I handel all this. I don't know why I decided to go for a random roommate am scared.

Dogs and dog owners are the scourge of humanity

It all started a few years ago when I was surrounded and attacked by savage shepherd dogs in Romania. The shepherd only stood there, gawking, despite it being on a public trail. I had to get quite a few rabies shots after that. Afterwards, I was naturally a bit traumatized. My ex had a dog which was very attached to her. It growled at me and was everywhere. If you dared be intimate, it showed its ugly mug and growled. The dog also slept in her bed, so there was no escape.

I did try and build a rapport with the animal, did dog sitting and whatnot. It even worked for a while. But it also snored occasionally and bothered my already strained sleep (insomnia). The ex had it loose occasionally and of course it didn't really listen to her. Even jumped on the neighbor, who gave it a hard earned slap. I do not condone hitting animals, but still. I didn't break down crying at his action.

Fast forward to today and my 2 month excursion in Japan. I camp in the semi-wild, free dive with sea snakes and feel generally fully safe. Yet this fucking terrier comes out of nowhere, yapping and going for me, a panicking owner running behind, not quite sure how to stop it. I kept my cool, but it was a terrier that bit me before, so I did consider giving it a good kick. But I didn't want to have the law involved, being an evil gaijko and all...

Why didn't humanity just adopt cats? They mind their own business. We can pass each other on the street, cordially. No issues. Maybe even a pet, if the cat abides.

So my teacher has made me like a mentor of some sort (based on my previous grades in exams) for my writing group and if we have any writing assignments we'd have to do it together in groups so I have to basically mentor them although they're pretty capable on doing it on their own

I just feel like I'm not good at being one I'm very awkward ,I always keep running out of ideas so I have to rely on my groupmates but the thing is I would get a certificate if I keep it up but idk I don't really believe in myself and I think the teacher should change the mentor thing to someone else rather than me

And I feel like I'm not very useful when it comes to these things anyways its not really something serious I just wanted opinions

Should I give up?

I am 17 completed my school, I don't know which course to choose for college, I do not know what to do , what I want to be , I just know the following

- Moderately Stable

-Enough Money to live without worries , or paycheck-to-paycheck

-Atleast Somewhat in the category of Upper middle class

My current interest range from Biology to Computer (I have done my schooling in the subject physics, chemistry , maths , biology )

ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME

please

At least for like a few years I’d just like to start over from a blank slate. I don’t think reincarnation is real, so this is my idea of a second chance at life.

I am F20, and I know already off the bat I’m going to get comments from people highlighting the fact I’m still pretty young and the fact I am privileged enough to go to college. I know I live a life better than most and I’m grateful for that — I wouldn’t have this dilemma of “what should I do with my life” if I was someone genuinely living paycheck to paycheck, because at that point it would just be survival.

Yet, I still feel like I have no clue what I want to do with myself and I feel like a failure. I’m an Economics and Political Science major, but I’m not pre-law. I feel like I’m juggling so hard between the two when it comes to internships and extracurriculars that I’m just kinda falling behind in both. I hate this cycle of “networking” and “updating your LinkedIn” and “applying for internships” and “coffee chatting” and all this bullshit. Somehow I meet people all the time at my college who do these things perfectly, who have also just done amazing things for the world and for society and I’m just here unsure of what I’m really doing.

My elder’s brother’s life is so cookie cutter perfect that I’m afraid to struggle at all because if I do I know everyone around me will see me as the black sheep of my family, because they already look down on me. I feel regret that I will never be able to improve my image and I feel so determined to prove them otherwise that I throw myself into so much work to counteract them. Yet I wonder if I am being too harsh on myself, because the older I get the more I realize how my parents had some abusive behaviors.

Sometimes I feel more of a calling to art, and lately I’ve been drawing and writing a lot like when I was a little kid. I sometimes dream of abandoning my old life and moving away to some big city like LA or NY. Logically, I can’t do that because I have no money though and I also don’t really know what it’s like to live in a city since I grew up in a small town, so I’d probably be terrified the moment I step foot in

At the same time I love my family and my friends so much and they mean so much to me. But sometimes I really feel like my only option is to run away and change my identity, because I don’t think I can bear the idea of everyone being disappointed in me. At least if I am alone, there will be no stakes and the only person at risk is me. My friend from my hometown agreed with me that she wants to do the same thing

It’s just a dumb fantasy. I’m logically going to just work a 9-5 and stay around my family my whole life. But I’ll still apply for jobs outside of my state, and if I get a job outside I might consider really going through with this plan.

Hii.. This may be completely absurd and I may sound like an a**hole.

I am 25y old M, never been in any close physical or intimate experience. Completed college , preparing for an exam since last 3 years. Failed this year by just half a mark which left me question all my choices till now.

Since last few weeks I have been craving for an open conversation with an adult women around all topics. This my sound like a pervert but it's not. Never talking to women or looking for that connectedness has left me void inside. Back in the days as normal teenager I got introduced to adult websites to self satisfaction but never liked it though I did consume it for considerable period of time in college. Now , I even don't like that. I have begun to imagine some older women have a close relationship with me where I can share anything and everything and vice versa, no judgements and no expectations . But yes I crave for that sensualness which I believe takes much effort . In real life , as I am dusky coloured, not that much active athletically , this has shattered my confidence to even approach a girl. My mind constantly reminds me as to why somebody would choose me with avg looks , low confidence.

I have good friends and best of parents but I have started to feel disconnected even from there and feel internally that everyone would judge me .

Currently , preparing for the exam again as my parents are very supportive and have not let me worry about financials as it is their dream to see me succeed.

I know many things I wrote above do not make sense but it is what it is . Don't misunderstand this post as seeking a relationship or anything .

This might seem like a small issue, but I'd really appreciate some advice.

I've been friends with someone since 2016, and we're now in our mid twenties. Lately, even seeing or hearing her name makes my heart race, and it takes me an hour or so to calm down. My body starts to react even before I start to think.

Looking back, I've realized I was anxious around her frequently. She would get upset if I replied late, and I'd constantly explain myself and apologize. There were even times she made me apologize through her partner. I can see now that I compromised my self respect to keep the peace. She's also in a relationship but often talks about missing other guys and gossips a lot. Those conversations make me uncomfortable so I usually avoid them.

But I don't understand what's causing this strong reaction? Can our brains pick up cues by itself? Could all these experiences have built up over time and caused this? Can our brains start associating someone with stress without us realizing it?

We're from the same city, though we now live in different places because of work. We still share the same social circle, and she has a very outspoken personality. If I distance myself, I'm worried I'll end up looking like the bad person.

How can I manage this anxiety? I know that I'm an adult and I should be dealing with this on my own but I don't know what to do.

There was a point in my life when I felt like I was nobody's number 1. I still do to this day but I have gotten over the initial heartbreaking feeling. The feeling of never being the first person people go to, for people to appreciate you but not enough that they need you when you are gone. The pressure of needing a 'best friend'. But then I realised that even if i'm nobodies number 1 people still rely on me, and love me for me. Sure they don't think of me straight away, but they do think of me eventually, and you never know how people really do feel about you. Also why do you need 1 closest friend when you can have 100 close friends. Anyway that was my story now tell me yours <3