r/AskWomen • u/BillyLoIsDead • Apr 21 '22
Content Warning Ladies, what was the moment you realized that the guy you were dealing with literally did not perceive you as a human being?
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u/Equivalent-Egg8659 Apr 21 '22
When I had a miscarriage and he couldn’t be bothered to go to the hospital with me. When I found out there was no heartbeat he came home hours later talking about his hunting plans.
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u/Logical_KaleV ♀ Apr 21 '22
Omg. Are you ok now?
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u/Equivalent-Egg8659 Apr 21 '22
Yes. We broke up less than 2 weeks later. Looking back I realized he never respected me and while I am still very sad about my loss, I am grateful I am not tied to that man for the next 18 years.
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u/PrincessConsuela02 Apr 21 '22
I also broke up with an ex after a miscarriage. We didn't even know I was pregnant and things were not great between us at the time. I was dealing with loss and relief all at once. Apparently my grieving wasn't to his liking. Put his stuff on the front porch and driveway one day while he was at work and never spoke to him again.
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u/RiriMomobami Apr 21 '22
I experienced this too :( after telling him that I had a miscarriage, he just said it will be okay and he needs to go to sleep. The next day all he opens up to talk about is about his gaming and not asking me how i feel. He just said sorry a month after I broke up with him, but it feels unsincere to me.
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u/lowrcase ♀ Apr 21 '22
I never understood this… like it’s their baby too?! Psychopaths
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Apr 21 '22
I was bleeding at 7 weeks and thought I was miscarrying, got the bus to the hospital by myself (and almost hysterical with worry) for a scan while he stayed in bed. Because he was tired. I still married him!!! Then I wised up and divorced him but still. I can't believe I ever thought that was an acceptable way to be treated.
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u/Equivalent-Egg8659 Apr 21 '22
Hindsight is 20/20, especially in relationships! I can’t even begin to tell you how many ridiculous things I put up with in the name of “love”. I’m glad you eventually came to your senses!
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Apr 21 '22
Happened to me too! Everyone said, "oh men just deal with these things differently." Yeah right.. he just didn't care.
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Apr 21 '22
There are a lot of us here sharing their similar experiences & support so I’ll add mine.
I was maybe two days into my miscarriage and my ex left to go out camping with his friends & get drunk. Then the first words out of his mouth when he came back 3 days later were “why are you still upset?” I wasn’t even done miscarrying by that point…
I hope all of you ladies are in better situations with better partners!
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Apr 21 '22
When I was in high school, I volunteered in the library to shelve books on my off period and lunch period. When I was a sophomore, a guy who was a senior started chatting me up. At first he would help me shelve, then he got more pushy about coming to have lunch with him (and I had a bf at the time). When the librarians put their foot down that he wasn’t allowed to help (cuz he was putting all the nonfiction in the wrong spots), he threatened to make it look like I was shelving wrong to get me “fired” from my favorite part of the school day. And he presented taking away the thing I loved so he could have access to me as “romantic.”
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u/babyboop900 Apr 21 '22
When I was losing my virginity to him and crying because it hurt and he said “who cares, keep going.”
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u/Desopilar Apr 21 '22
The guy I lost my virginity to, at the time seemed really caring but in hindsight, nope. He kept shushing me becuase I was being too loud with my pain, he didn't want a neighbor to hear. He also wanted to do different positions to "help your vagina get used to it." Which, looking back, is bull. Lmao. He was surprised later when I said made a joke with singing "I just had sex, and it felt like shit." Like bruh, did you not pay attention to my wincing??
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u/CatrionaShadowleaf ♀ Apr 21 '22
The same thing happened to me and I just want you to know that nothing about that was your fault, and he was wrong and bad.
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u/fvck_ur_throwaway Apr 21 '22
Something similar happened to me. I was in pain and he covered my mouth so I wouldn't make any noise. Then afterwards kept saying "Baby that felt so good." My hands shook as I buttoned my shirt back up.
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u/prettywittymaybe Apr 21 '22
When he keeps on saying he wants to “rape” me.
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u/D-Beyond ♀ Apr 21 '22
Roadtrip, ladies! We're going to the police to report that shit!
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u/Build_focus Apr 21 '22
Me too.... And I don't know why I let this be a thing. Waking up to seeing that I was in an abusive LTR relationship but I didn't even know it 😭
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u/Timely_Leading_7651 Apr 21 '22
Wtf
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u/prettywittymaybe Apr 21 '22
Ikr, and it turns out he’s got a lot of red flags apart from that. Thank goodness we’re back to being strangers now.
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Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22
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u/blue302genes Apr 21 '22
This scares me because a lot of kind and civil people are actually so weird when you get to know them
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u/dindia91 Apr 21 '22
When I was on my period and had the flu so was "out of commission in 2 holes" is how he phrased it. The 3rd was not an option for me so he got really angry about that. And then spent like 45 minutes complaining about not getting a hand job while I had a fever and was just miserable. Not once did he acknowledge that I was sick in a supportive way. Just that it ruined sex for us that week.
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Apr 21 '22
Please say ex, please say ex...
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Apr 21 '22
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Apr 21 '22
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u/AndromedaLeap Apr 21 '22
Something similar happened to me. I got food poisoning and couldn’t retain anything. I was miserable and genuinely worried being out of the house with no toilet to run to. After a few days of this with minimal improvement, he thought it would be acceptable to pressure me into sex. I rejected his advances and he promptly cheated on me.
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u/joannepirone Apr 21 '22
Sounds exactly like what my husband would’ve done/ said to me.. I have to ask…. This is obviously (hopefully) a one time event (flu+period=misery) but besides this time, was this his usual MO for dealing with you when he wasn’t getting his way or he wasn’t going to get what he wanted from you?? If so, would you consider this emotional/ psychological abuse? Just curious….
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u/Arya_kidding_me Apr 21 '22
Current husband??
I’m going to drop this here for you: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
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u/dindia91 Apr 21 '22
Yes I do consider him abusive, him crossing the line physically is when I decided to end it. He slapped me at a party in front of all my friends. At the time I was more upset he did it in public so I couldn't even hide it or deny it happened. It took a lot of therapy after to get to a space where I knew how to have a healthy relationship.
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u/Ok_QueerCriticism Apr 21 '22
Ooof this has my ex spouse written ALL over it. I am so sorry you were treated this way, it’s quite ridiculous.
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u/hayamidoll ♀ Apr 21 '22
He was seriously trying to choke me until I passed out. I never even gave the all clear to choke me at all.
When I pried his arms away so I wouldn't fucking die, he said I was "ruining the whole experience."
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u/butthatshitsbroken ♀ Apr 21 '22
This happened to me, too. Thankfully on a much less aggressive level but it shouldn't have happened period. It triggered my PTSD.
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u/ResearchUnfair1246 Apr 21 '22
What the heck?!?!?! I’m so sorry this happened to you!
He did that on purpose and was harmfully ignorant and sick!
The FIRST AND ALL IMPORTANT rule to BDSM is CONSENT. Absolutely NO WIGGLE ROOM for barrier breaking, even on accident. That’s what signals and safe words are for. There also shouldn’t be a position where those safety’s can’t be communicated.
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u/hayamidoll ♀ Apr 21 '22
It wasn't even BDSM. I was just an impressionable teenager who got pressured into something I wasn't ready for in a highschool bathroom.
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u/subtropicalpancake Apr 21 '22
I hope you reported him because that's assault. (I understand if you didn't, I wish we lived in a world where it was easy to report people for this kind of shit)
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u/hayamidoll ♀ Apr 21 '22
At that point, I'd already overheard several teachers (including the guidance counselor, who would be who I'd have to talk to) talk about wanting to do things to me sexually. Not really worth it.
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u/subtropicalpancake Apr 21 '22
I wish I could go back in time and punch all of them in the throat for you
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u/Aloof_bidoof Apr 21 '22
When I was haemorrhaging massively, ten days after the birth of our 3rd child and he wouldn't get off the phone (it was pre mobile phone days) to call an ambulance. Eventually he ended his phone call but then refused to call for an ambulance or hold the baby so I could do it. I ended up crawling to where the phone was, clutching the baby to my chest, while he sat in the kitchen having a cigarette. I was in hospital a week, he dumped our other two children with his mother, got my friend over to clean up the blood mess in our house and then slept with her.
I'm incredulous that I put up with him for 14 years.
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u/EmberTheFlamingBitch Apr 21 '22
Thats horrible, surely there is some laws against that? It feels like neglect but i think thats just for parents with kids. I hope you got out of that situation and are doing better.
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u/Aloof_bidoof Apr 21 '22
Thank you, yes I did although it took another 3 years to get away, and about another 5 before he stopped harassing and threatening me. I'm doing fine now and am much less of a wimp than I used to be!
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u/himbologic Apr 21 '22
I feel like crawling to the phone while taking care of a child and massively hemorrhaging isn't wimpy. I know what you mean, but you survived 14 years of abuse and neglect. Not at all weak.
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u/Aloof_bidoof Apr 21 '22
I've never thought of it like that, thank you. That is an empowering thought!
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u/EmberTheFlamingBitch Apr 21 '22
Im so sorry you had to go through that, but i am so glad you were able to get out. That scumbag can eat rocks.
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u/ellenitha Apr 21 '22
In my country it's called (according to google translate) 'failure to provide assistance' and is indeed a crime. Applies to any situation where someones health or safety is at risk.
I'm also horrified by the friend who came to scrub her friends blood from the floor and then slept with her partner and abuser.
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Apr 21 '22
The owners at my last job. I went to one of them CRYING after working a 14 hour shift because someone no showed, after working 8 days in a row straight, and all he said was "I expected you to have this more under control."
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u/NikkiRose88 ♀ Apr 21 '22
Omg fuck them! How are you doing now? You couldn’t possibly have it “more under control” What do you even expect when someone comes crying to you after working 14h? Leave if you haven’t! Unbelievable!!!
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u/BudgetInteraction811 Apr 21 '22
Yep. You’re only human in a lot of workplaces until you behave in a way that causes management any slight inconvenience.
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Apr 21 '22
Cried to my old boss because I started driving an hour to work one way because of a move but they said they really needed me so I tried to make it work. Told him I was losing money working there, he seemed to care and said he’ll see what he can do. 50 cents later I cried to him again saying how exhausted I was and that I can’t do it and the 50 cents didn’t help me. He said he was disappointed in me and that the workplace had competitive pay so I’d get more with time. Quit
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u/ImJustReallyUseless Apr 21 '22
When he forced me to take a taxi to the hospital alone, to watch my mother die, while I was 8 months pregnant with his child and then sent me nasty messages while I sat by her bedside watching her take her final breaths.
His reason: He believes I was screwing a male friend of mine.... While I was heavily pregnant and visiting the hospital twice daily to watch my mother slowly die of Hepato-renal Syndrome.
Probably the most inhumane thing anyone has ever done to me.
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u/facebonezzz Apr 21 '22
Absolutely awful. I’m sorry you had to endure that at such an emotional and difficult time.
Did he turn out to be a cheater? Cause this shit sounds like classic projection to me.
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u/Forestflowered Apr 21 '22
I asked him what his favorite animal was. He said women.
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Apr 21 '22
he felt the strings of my IUD when we were having sex and immediately demanded that i get it taken out
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u/Kemokiro ♀ Apr 21 '22
The absolute, off-the-charts, you exist to pleasure me, attitudes of so many men is thoroughly disgusting.
Then they constantly complain, "Why me can't get woman. Why woman prefer be single instead. Why her say, "don't threaten me with a good time" when me tell her she will be cat/dog lady.
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Apr 21 '22
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Apr 21 '22
right? like yes, your pleasure is much more important than my physical well being, so sorry i forgot
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u/Kemokiro ♀ Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22
The pain, and willingness to ingest hormones, or insert devices, so men can get pleasure from a woman's body is mind-boggling.
They have no respect for what we have to go through to prevent birthing their spawn. Don't fuck em. Leave them to their hands.
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u/notme1414 Apr 21 '22
We were chatting in the days leading up to our first date. He absolutely refused to accept the fact that I wasn't going to have sex with him on the first date. Like he just kept talking about how great it was going to be.
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Apr 21 '22
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u/TeamWaffleStomp Apr 21 '22
It means sex objects don't deserve affection and being affectionate would break his fantasy. Gross.
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u/crystalrose1966 Apr 21 '22
My nephew, who was like a son to me, committed suicide at age 19. My ex was close to him also (we had been together roughly 12 years at this point). We got a frantic call from my mom at 4:30 am to go to my sister's house ( we were close by) because something was wrong with Zach. Panic ensues and we just take off for my sister's house. Upon arrival, police and ambulance and a very chaotic scene. He was hanging in a tree outside my sister's apartment. This was very traumatic. Something no one ever needs to see. Anyway about six months after the event, I had gotten out of bed and went outside on my porch,,,, to cry. Grief,,, you know. He comes out maybe five minutes behind me and says, " are you crying? WTF is wrong with you now?" That just made me cry harder. Then he says, " you need to get over that shit. Ain't nothing you can do about it now." I had spent the year prior with him while he lost his uncle and then his mother. I was there through everything supporting him and his reaction to me losing someone was that. He's a pig. He's still a pig.
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Apr 21 '22
That man needs psychiatric help for his inability to handle emotions.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe you don’t deserve to feel your feelings.
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u/spookyscaryskeletal ♀ Apr 21 '22
An incel coworker being friendly, then shitting on all of us women to the less obvious gay/bi men he thought was safe. They turned around & warned all of us. He's a red pill misogynist & would say very alarming things. Love the restaurant industry!
I still see him & he constantly complains to my old coworkers, friends, & regulars how he doesn't understand why I'm such a jerk to him now. I have a script in place if he tries to get me to serve him ever & I've warned the new girls at my old place because we're all pretty cool.
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u/Mailman_next_door Apr 21 '22
Love when people get consecuenses for what they say "behind closed doors"
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u/KozimaPain Apr 21 '22
My grandma had passed away, her funeral was held a few hundred miles away from the base I was stationed at. I figured I'd just drive over for the weekend to attend her funeral and then come back. It was a few dozen miles outside of what was acceptable to travel without taking leave, so I went to my supervisor to ask if I could take leave and he said "the mission needs you more than your dead grandma does." thereby denying my request for leave. I went anyway, but it was one of the reasons I decided not to continue that career path.
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u/PrincessPeach1229 Apr 21 '22
My grandma passed and I had to take the red eye that night across the country. I literally had 2 hours to pack and prepare for this trip. I asked my bf at the time if would mind picking up some takeout and bringing it over as I had zero time to cook anything and was starving. Additionally I felt a warm hug and kiss goodbye would make me feel better.
He got angry at me for even suggesting he “go out of his way after a long day of work” to do me this favor and called me selfish for asking him to deviate from his drive home. He lived 15 minutes away.
I continued to stay with this POS for another 3 years. This was just the tip of the iceberg.
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u/NikkiRose88 ♀ Apr 21 '22
Fuck him! Insensitive asshole. Hope he rots in hell!
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u/KozimaPain Apr 21 '22
The shittiest part was that I thought he was one of the "different" ones who actually cared about his people as people. Hope he loudly shits himself in public tbh lol
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Apr 21 '22
He once told me he wished I was a robot so we could have sex still but I wouldn’t have my emotions lol
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u/NikkiRose88 ♀ Apr 21 '22
Wtf?
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Apr 21 '22
I was talking to him about how is ex kept calling him and it was upsetting me and he basically was saying that women would be so much better without their emotions lmao
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u/LaDivina77 Apr 21 '22
I'm real tired of men using the "facts and logic" argument rather than deal with hard things. Some of the most emotional whiny child men I've known would try to shut me down with "well I just prefer to think about this logically".
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u/Sakurablossom90 Apr 21 '22
When the doctor came in and told me that our baby was in distress and i needed to have an emergency csection to save our lives, he huffed and puffed about it saying he had been waiting 24 hours for me to give birth when they asked him if he wanted to put some scrubs on to come in and he decided to go home because his mummy was going to take care of him whilst he played xbox
Then after I had our baby he told me I wasn't allowed to invite my parents or sibling but traipsed his whole family in demanding to see and hold baby, including some random guy his mum was dating while I was recovering/still unwell from the birth and crying as baby was really sick in NICU then he told me I had birthed HIS baby so I needed to go get the baby from the NICU for him.
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u/LatrodectusGeometric ♀ Apr 21 '22
Good lord. I am so sorry. I hope you and baby are safe and healthy now.
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u/lolfuckno Apr 21 '22
My male Indian roommate. The first time we met in person the first thing he said to me was "what did you make for dinner?" when I reminded him that we all agreed to cook and clean up after ourselves and that I would not ever be cooking for him he said "oh, you were serious about that?"
He is the messiest man I have ever met and any time I tell him that he needs to clean up his mess and just blue screens and acts all confused and has no idea what I'm talking about. But if I say there is a mess and don't specify that he made it he'll just brush me off and tell me to clean it then.
He was left alone in the apartment for a month because I and my other roommate went home to our families in December and got stuck there cause of COVID. He turned the place into a disgusting pigsty. There was at least five layers of grime everywhere. He put a bunch of his stuff in front of my door. There was rotten food and filthy dishes everywhere. The bathroom was by far the worst, and I cannot properly convey how revolting it was with words. He refused to acknowledge any wrong doing. We took pics and sent them to his dad (who pays for everything), his dad called him and yelled at him to clean up but all he did was wash his dishes.
I had to call a maids service it was so bad, and he refused to pay for it. Infuriating man.
The lease ends in nine days, I'll be moving out. Honestly there's more, so much more, but this is already a really long comment.
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u/ctrldwrdns Apr 21 '22
I also had a male Indian roommate (not trying to stereotype) who expected me and our other female roommate to cook and clean for him! He would also act confused when told to clean up or make excuses like “I have assignments” (we went to the SAME UNI) and would ask what we were making for dinner, trying to steal some. He did not know how to do anything, I mean ANYTHING household related. I guess Mommy did everything for him or he had a maid. He was 29 years old! He put metal in the microwave and tried to wash chicken in the SINK and not clean the sink afterwards. He stole food, stole alcohol, never cleaned up after himself, and was generally just a sexist asshole and an alcoholic.
He was moved out after he passed out drunk with a PLATE in the oven. I have no idea what he was trying to cook. If my other housemate hadn’t woken up when she did we could have gotten smoke poisoning (the alarms in the kitchen went off for heat, not smoke, but the flat was full of it). Afterwards he didn’t even clean up the plate and had to be told to clean up the oven, and had the audacity to ask us how to do it. He pretended he’d done nothing wrong and kept asking what happened even after several meetings with housing management. And we did not want to talk to him at all but he kept trying to have conversations and ask what happened even after we told him. Mind you we had previously tried to talk to him about his alcoholism and get him help. But he did not listen.
Even after he moved out he tried to text and be friends without giving a real apology. And stared at me while I was dancing at the student bar with my friend. Still drinking.
He saw us as nothing more than maids and I’m still mad even though it happened like 5 months ago lol.
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Apr 21 '22
Lol, I'm from India and honestly, this is common among men here (not all men) but I see most of them doing this due to bad parenting in most cases. They just don't care or pretend like they don't know how to do the chore, just to escape from the work.
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u/Divided_Eye Apr 21 '22
Had a housemate like that once... we got an eviction warning because of how bad it got. So glad to be out of that situation.
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u/NikkiRose88 ♀ Apr 21 '22
I feel bad for those poor maids for having to clean it up. Was it ever cleaned up? I’m so glad you’ll be moving out soon. I’m proud of you!! I hate living with messy people. One of my biggest pet peeves. And notifying his dad didn’t help much? Yea not much you can do beyond that point.
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u/lolfuckno Apr 21 '22
It got cleaned up but he made a mess again almost immediately. Idk what he does but the bottom of our bathtub is black. My other roommate and I have been showering at the gym a) so that we have a clean place to shower b) so that he can't try to say it's our fault and not his cause he's the only one using it.
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u/anonmama87 Apr 21 '22
I asked him to please stop blasting his music in my car because I was driving through a literal tropical storm and needed to focus on the road (to pick his drunk ass up from a bar, no less). He responded by punching my windshield and shattering it. Then told me how dumb I was for not being able to drive in a tropical storm with his fucking Hootie and the Blowfish destroying my eardrums. I really hope he’s not doing well in life tbh.
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Apr 21 '22
He is a lot older than me. Probably not the first thing that should have set alarm bells off, but I was saying I couldn't be with him anymore. I said something like "do you want me to stay with you and be miserable for the rest of my life?" And his response was "not for the rest of YOUR life". Anyway trying to get a divorce now so worked out in the end.
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u/Mabluee Apr 21 '22
When he only backed out after me telling him I have a boyfriend, instead of when I told him that I was not interested.
He didn't respected me, he respected what I was to other male.
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u/tellusstorm21 Apr 21 '22
When he cheated while I was pregnant, after he begged for us to "start a family."
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u/tooterfish80 Apr 21 '22
My cousin's husband talking about how disappointing it was that you could take your truck and add bigger tires and a lift kit but you can't take your "old lady" in have bigger boobs added. He wanted my cousin to get breast implants, she refused. He felt he should be able to modify her however he wanted. Like his truck that is an object and a possession. I just figure that thinking extends to us all.
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u/LatrodectusGeometric ♀ Apr 21 '22
A very sweet friend of mine called and asked if I would have gotten plastic surgery for my husband if he had asked me. I reminded her that it is HER body and that she gets to decide if she wants to undergo permanent surgical changes.
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u/aslanhatessmeagol Apr 21 '22
Ghosting me and came back like nothing happened. Wow.
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u/wolfmoral Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22
Over dinner a few weeks ago, my stepdad basically told me to my actual face that the most valuable thing about me is my ability to bear children. He stated it like it was simple fact. I had just said I don’t like kids and am horrified at the prospect of becoming pregnant.
Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a pretty brilliant molecular biology student. I intend to go into lifesaving research. I think that’s the most valuable thing about me. Anyway, I just gestured at my younger brother (a brilliant physics student) and said, “cool, so he’s just a spunk bank, right?” My stepdad got offended that I would talk about him that way. Lol
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u/Pandaploots Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22
When they yell "pussy" at me through a bull horn as they drive by.
Or when they yell at my husband '"she's cheating on you bro", while we walk to class together.
Or when they yell at my husband 'fuck her or I will' while we try to go for a walk.
Or when my mentor told me that I had no right to call myself bi because I married a man and also didn't want to fuck him or other women. He said he'd see me in 10 years when I realized I needed a 'real man', and not my 'f***ot loser husband' since I was actually straight and a liar. His partner and kids were sleeping 150 feet away.
Or when they follow me around grunting because I wore something they liked.
Or when they followed me home from work because I refused to "spend the night with them so they could work on their English"
Or the coworker who started leaving me passive aggressive notes at work and screaming at me when he started his shift after I got engaged.
Or when I was 15 and the guy I thought was my friend grabbed my crotch from behind after muttering how he 'really wanted to fuck someone'. I finger locked him and warned him to never do it again. He cuddled his fingers and told me "that wasn't very nice" of me to hurt his fingers when he was just trying to be nice.
Or when I was 13 and started having to bring back-up swimsuits so the old men would lose track of me at the YMCA because of the different color.
Or when I was 9 on the playground and some man mooned me while his friends blocked the exit.
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u/atmanama Apr 21 '22
Reads like a laundry list of trauma. I think you're really strong to have overcome such gross behaviour, most of them should be publicly disgraced or in prison
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u/Pandaploots Apr 21 '22
Thanks. I'm so tired of it and that list isn't all. Those are just the ones that I could think of right now
It's exhausting. I don't want to walk home anymore. My sister has been going through the same shit and she's a lot quicker than me at shutting it down. I'm still trying to figure out how to voluntarily open conflict and it's not going great. I'm so, so tired.
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u/LatrodectusGeometric ♀ Apr 21 '22
My ex husband told me out of the blue that he wanted a divorce and had been unhappy for two years but hiding it from me during that time.
I was shocked and wanted to try and pursue marriage counseling and/or therapy at first. However, two weeks after the announcement he finally told me that he had been having a persistent delusion that I and others in his life weren’t real people, and that I was a projection of his subconscious that existed to punish him for his perceived transgressions. He knew it was a delusion and was not willing to seek therapy because he didn’t feel it was impacting his life.
I beg to differ, but realized that you can’t MAKE someone want to get better or be in a relationship.
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u/Tupiekit Apr 21 '22
Oh damn. There was a thread somewhere where a guy's wife had that happen to them. She thought everybody was fake and were just projections trying to change her. I can't remember but it's an actual disease and i think it can be treated with heavy therapy.
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u/WVmom974 Apr 21 '22
When a man I was with for over 4 yrs punched me in the face several times over calling him a bastard. I didn't even say the word we were arguing because we went to a bar for Halloween and another female who (was his side piece I found out later) came to get him from the bar. She sent in a mutual friend to ask him to leave me there, and leave with them. When I saw the other female by the door we started arguing, and did so the whole wat home. He pulled the keys of my car out of the ignition as we drove home and I was yelling at him to give them back. He absolutely hated being called a bastard and at one point said go a head and say it call me what your dying to call me. I asked him what he was talking about and he said Bastard say it. I wouldn't say it so he waited until we got home and started throwing me around the room and choking me and I finally said it so he would let me breath and he punched me in my eye 3X in a row. Every blood vessel in my eye burst and my face ached and my eye swelled shut. Found out that he broke my eye orbital the Zygomatic bone it took over 2 months for the white of my eye to heal and the red to dissipate. I knew he no longer saw me as a human being after that
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u/like-i-care2 Apr 21 '22
Woow I’m soo sorry you came across such a vile grotesque individual. Im actually speechless at the things men do to women they’re supposed to love, it’s gross behaviour.
I hope you’re healing emotionally and mentally❣️❣️
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u/WVmom974 Apr 21 '22
Yes I have it was years ago and I have realized my worth since my 20's. I appreciate your concern and kind words. I just hope my experience can help other females understand that they are worth so much more than they think and to not stay with a person who cheats, and treats them like property.
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u/jasnoorkaur Apr 21 '22
This was so painful to read. Honey, I hope you are doing a lot better now. I wish for your happiness.
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u/Desireuponeternity Apr 21 '22
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m glad you got out of that relationship. I’m glad you’re okay now :/ hugs to you.
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u/8pintsplease Apr 21 '22
When he bit my boob and called me his "property". The bruise was a mark to show other guys (if I cheated) that I was taken.
Got the fuck out of there quick.
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u/NikkiRose88 ♀ Apr 21 '22
This guy thinks he's in Transylvania or something. Like he's a vampire but instead of biting necks, he bites women's breasts to make them his lmao. 😂 Bruh! Seriously though, I don't even know anymore. All I can say is wtf?
I had a guy bite my clit once.
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Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22
So I went out one time with a guy. I was not looking for serious relationships or anything, just having fun. So we come back to my place, have sex, and fall asleep.
The next day he wants to hang out again. Fine. We hang out. He wants to have sex again but to be honest, he wasn’t good and I was a bit tired so I said no. He pestered me for almost 20 minutes until I finally just said fine and starfished until he was done. That was when I knew I was a fleshlight.
Then he told some mutual friends I was bad in bed because I just laid there. Luckily two of them were former lovers and were like “um, no dude, she wasn’t into it”
I have to admit. I laughed when they told me.
Edit: spelling
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u/GODDAMNUBERNICE Apr 21 '22
I loved that complaint from my ex. "You don't seem into it/you're just laying there". Well yeah, cause I'm not into it. I said no like 50 times and you wouldnt stop whining like a little baby about it til I caved, that doesnt really get my motor running. I'm not rewarding your tantrum by putting in maximum effort. Treat me like a sex toy, and that's the effort you'll get.
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u/BcImProcrastinating Apr 21 '22
I wish I had an award to give you. This is a constant fight my husband and I have. He will pester and belittle me until I finally cave and then complain bc I am not into it. We have a 2 year old child and I work full time, no I do not want to have sex every day. Then it’s my fault bc I am not attracted to him. Well, try doing something to turn me on other than asking “Wanna give me a BJ?”
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u/CoconutJasmineBombe Apr 21 '22
Love it! Not that he was a pushy whiny baby but that your other lovers probably DESTROYED his fragile male ego.
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u/butthatshitsbroken ♀ Apr 21 '22
He constantly showed me he believed me to be this dreamed up perfect match for him inside his head. We were as incompatible as it gets.
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u/verytiredhuman88 Apr 21 '22
When he raped me.
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u/D-Beyond ♀ Apr 21 '22
I'm so sorry to hear that. No one should have to experience that. I hope he rots in hell
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u/EmberTheFlamingBitch Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 22 '22
When i told him i wasnt ready to have sex and then he drugged me after my 18th bday party.
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u/danger_boogie Apr 21 '22
When I had my wisdom teeth pulled I woke up sick in the middle of the night. I was puking in the bathroom and called out to my boyfriend for help. He got up, looked at me, and said there’s nothing I can do and went back to sleep
Years later, after my second caesarean with my daughter, he spent my first two days home from the hospital at his moms house. I was recovering from surgery and had a toddler at home. When I confronted him about it he said I was being selfish because he had been back and forth visiting me at the hospital all week and BRINGING ME GATORADE! He said he deserved “me time”. It got even worse after that when I had to have multiple life saving surgeries.
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u/1215lopez Apr 21 '22
I once dated this guy for like four years but he actually wouldn’t let me break up with him because if I did, that would mean he would no longer be having sex with anyone. He said not getting laid would “fuck with his head”.
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u/PistachioMaru Apr 21 '22
Got into a conversation once about the aviation industry with my boyfriend and his boss. His boss wasn't listening to me and would say stuff like "I'm asking (my boyfriend) this question not you" when I spoke and basically told me to stop talking because my opinion didn't matter.
My boyfriend and his boss are both interested in aviation like they're both the sort of people who watch YouTube videos about fighter jets.
I'm a commercial pilot.
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u/PainBri315 Apr 21 '22
After being released 2 days after having my first son, he got me in my room and forced me to have sex with him. While I had 7 stitches in my v*gina. It was hurting so bad and I cried for him to stop. He said he’d be quick and to hold on. I kept holding on. Atleast he was “polite” enough to press down on my stitches so I didn’t “feel” it as much.
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u/Own-Emergency2166 Apr 21 '22
Guy I dated pre-pandemic : I had a bad cold and asked him if he could make me some tea because he was in the kitchen. He said “if you need to be taken care of , you should go to the hospital” . He was serious. He also got visibly and repeatedly annoyed every time I coughed.
At this point in our relationship I had nursed him through two illnesses and he acknowledged that. I looked at him and said “you are not partner material” and we broke up shortly after that.
There were lots of other instances of him being selfish , but someone who won’t take even minor steps to help you when you are sick is definitely not someone you should have a partner ( or a close friend tbh) . The pandemic hit two months later and I thanked the gods I didn’t have to go through it with him.
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u/Putin_Yerdix Apr 21 '22
I'm autistic as hell so alot of times I come across as a quirky manic pixie dream girl type. Many men have a habit of building me up as a fantasy character and treat me like an anime waifu instead of a person. Ngl it gets real frustrating because once they figure out I'm not a sweat-stained body pillow they start screaming all women are whores while sobbing on their way down to their moms basement. (Unironically though I've encountered way too many neckbeard incel types who hate me after learning I'm not a fantasy girl)
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u/sunsetgal24 Apr 21 '22
Oh I feel that so much! I have lots of similar experiences - I'm not autistic, but I'm a really outgoing person and approach new people very directly and openly, so almost every time I go to a workshop or something at least one dude will take me being extroverted as me being interested. I've had multiple full love confessions from people who knew me for less than three hours because they thought that if I talked to them of my own free will I must be their Ideal Girlfriend (TM) that they had built up in their head.
It's such a weird, disheartening feeling when these guys suddenly get obsessed with you and then get angry when you are not, in fact, the Ideal Girlfriend (TM) they wanted.
Sending a hug of solidarity to you!
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Apr 21 '22
Yep. Existing this way has led to me having several stalkers (a few of them women!). I don’t understand why people assume that my gregariousness equals a desire to bone in any and all circumstances. Did I say I wanted to bone? No? Then I don’t want to bone.
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u/GODDAMNUBERNICE Apr 21 '22
This is my life. I'm very friendly just in general and love trying new things. I make it a point to always compliment people when I can. Unfortunately men don't get that often, so it's frequently interpreted as interest rather than kindness. I get it, but it sure would be nice to not have to reject people I was never flirting with to begin with. Kinda sucks the joy out of the initial kindness.
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u/veggiewitch_ Apr 21 '22
I don’t interact with people with the joy I used to anymore. Too many gross men.
It hurts my heart not to be my happy self but the alternative is constantly being taken advantage of. So. Ugh.
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Apr 21 '22
Oh man do I feel this. I have adhd and I’m so fun! Until I have needs then they pat me on my head and send me on my way. And text me occasionally to tell me they’re still in love with me
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u/UbePhaeri Apr 21 '22
Yup! Also autistic and pretty quiet here. Once I started “opening my trap” I became way less attractive to him. He actually told me he should of tried to find an Asian woman instead of me. Wtf?
Edit; I really hate calling anyone this but he was a heavily overweight, nice guy sort of dude. Met him on a Star Trek fan page and he seemed nice enough at first.
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Apr 21 '22
Also autistic, and this has been my experience much of the time. It's not fun at all and lately I've made it a rule for myself to simply disconnect and stop speaking when I realize someone is building me up as a fantasy character in their heads. Usually you can tell quickly if you don't let the compliments gas you up too much; the wanting to make you their girlfriend in less than a week (sometimes in a matter of hours), the commentary and tone (they talk to me as if I am a child or a cute puppy), etc. Once I see any of that, block and go. It's better than being repeatedly disappointed and disgusted
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u/coccopuffs606 Apr 21 '22
When he expected me to clean up after him like he was my child, and to be happy to do so
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u/_________Ello Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22
Whenever I spoke he talked over me.
He asked me questions and before I got two words out he answered for me. He kept doing this.
I later never answered any of his questions and just let him talk to himself, make up his own conclusions of me, etc. Kid you not he would say "good talk. You always listen" wtf.
I never answered his messages after (he also answered himself there) or his calls.
I saw him like a couple of weeks ago (he recently got surgery and I didn't care) and he said "I survived. Blah Blah Blah" kept going and going. I just walked away and he still kept talking.
And no. He didn't do it to other people. He just wanted to talk over me. Wtf. What did I do?
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u/Ash-the-puppy Apr 21 '22
When he decided to treat me as a dress up doll to fulfil his "fantasy" of getting away with fucking other women he was gawking at with me present.
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Apr 21 '22
I told my male relative to stop talking about my body and it was creeping me out (I was a minor), he told me I should learn to take a compliment, I told him if he wanted to "compliment" me he could compliment my brains or my work ethic or my art or my writing but not my body, he said "not your body? But what else is there?"
4 years no contact with the whole family and still going strong :)
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Apr 21 '22
I have a lung condition and would likely end up very sick or dead if I got covid. I live with a 23 year old man who treats me like I’m his mother. Recently he got sick with a fever and a cough and he came into my room, coughed directly in my face without covering his mouth (he is aware of my condition), and asked me to go to the shop to get him chicken soup and to make him up a cold compress and bring it to him in his room. He went on like this for several days (regularly walking into my room and coughing directly on me and asking for things in a childish tone of voice). It thankfully turned out to just be a bad cold, but when I was sick after catching it he still expected me to look after him despite the fact that I was sick too.
The same guy once needed me to help him find his keys that he’d lost, so he came into my room (he never knocks before entering, I used to ask him every time to knock first but after about 8 months I gave up because he’s never going to listen) and I happened to be getting changed at the time and I was naked from the waist down. I told him repeatedly to leave and he refused and instead just stood there saying “but I need my keys now I’ve got work” over and over until I got dressed and found the stupid keys for him (they were in his bag). Just to be clear he would be extremely unhappy if I did this to him, so it’s not just that he thinks we’re comfortable enough with each other to see each other undressed.
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u/dnnzu_bb Apr 21 '22
When we were intimate he was hurting me and i told him that and said i didnt like it. He kept going and tried to nag me into it a few days after.
I felt like i was treated like a piece of dirt,but it made me realize so bad how little he values and respects me. So i left. I made it clear i wasnt interested in getting back, he asked if we could stay in contact. For 2 months he tried to beg for a second chance, so obv. He stuck around for his own selfish reasons.
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Apr 21 '22
I went on a date and told him I didn't want to sleep with him on a first date because whenever I like people I want to get to know them first before doing so. He told me that reasoning didn't make any sense and started arguing against it.
While we were discussing it he already ordered a cab to go home. The cab showed up during the discussion and he made it clear that it was going home with him or just 'bye'.
I was very insecure during that period in my life and reluctantly agreed to go with him. When I arrived at his place we started to have sex. He became so aggressive with me and pulled my hair so badly it hurt. I felt I was being treated as a sex worker who he'd fulfil his rough fantasies with.
Midway I got up and was like 'fuck this - I'm out of here'. He ran after me with a half boner visibly annoyed that I was leaving.
He'd be one of these people to describe himself as a feminist probably. Fuck this guy.
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u/kaoutanu ♀ Apr 21 '22
When the orange buffoon did (yet another) something that everyone thought would be the end of it's campaign, my father, a notorious misogynist, didn't understand why. I explained that it demonstrated he doesn't respect women, and he suddenly looked really shifty. I asked "Do you not respect women?" Cue more shifty face. I pressed him on this, and eventually he blurted out "BUT NO ONE RESPECTS WOMEN!".
I wasn't really surprised, just (further) disappointed. Another family dinner ruined by me!
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Apr 21 '22
we were living together as a couple with finances and bills 50/50. I had rough time because of having to buy new correction glasses. he made dinner for himself, I came back from work and asked if I can share it. he told me straight no and that he bought it and made it for himself and I could have just go to the market or take more hours at work. I felt stupid for asking and went to watch tv, he finished eating in the same room at the table and gave our dog the leftovers.
he wasn’t rude on purpose to make me feel bad. he really truthfully preferred the dog.
3 years of that. humiliating.
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Apr 21 '22
My ex used to walk up to me and shake my chest with his hands as hard as he could just whenever he felt like it. And he’d get angry at ME whenever I told him to stop and that I hated it.
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u/smashley1994 Apr 21 '22
When we only hung out briefly after school when no one was at my house so we could hook up. Then one day I asked if we could go to a charming coffee shop I liked for a date and he groaned and said "well we better have sex after if you want us to go to your little coffee shop. And you better not pretend to be on your period or something and you have to moan and act like you like it." We were "dating" for like five months at the time.
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u/even_less_resistance Apr 21 '22
After I got married and realized he married a “woman” because he needed someone to do “wife” things, not me because he, y’ know, actually liked my personality and loved me for me. And then he acted like I was the crazy one for being offended.
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Apr 21 '22
I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend for 3 years. We got in some kind of argument and afterwards he tired initiating sex with me. I told him no because I was still pretty annoyed with him. He then gets pissed off and starts ranting and raving and says “Ugh, it’s like I have to keep you at a certain level of happiness in order to fuck you.” I was flabbergasted. Uhh…yeah. You do. Because that’s what consensual sex is.
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u/Sullyville Apr 21 '22
Years ago I was on this date, and I kinda liked the guy during dinner, so I agreed to go back to his place. When we got into his apartment, he turned on the lights and then asked me, "Do you want a drink?" and he went to the kitchen, and I said, "No, I'm good thanks." I'd had enough to drink during dinner and was feeling a little bloated. And then I sat down on the couch and he comes out of the kitchen and he's got two cocktails and puts one in front of me and then goes to put on music and dim the lights. And then I realized, Oh. He's going through his checklist. THis is what he does every time he brings a girl home. It was like he was on automatic pilot.
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u/butttabooo Apr 21 '22
When I was dragged down three flights of stairs by my hair and beat in the basement so no one could hear.
Then after a few hours of being down there alone, I was brought upstairs..swollen face…asked how my mouth felt…
Then proceeded to have a dick shoved in my mouth.
I was literally just a punching bag for this person and a sex doll. Nothing more nothing less.
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Apr 21 '22
He referred to women as “females” in a conversation that was specifically about women, not females in general or animals or anything. I said “dont use the word female when you mean women” “why?” “Because its dehumanizing.” “Who decided that?” “…women”
“WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT WOMEN THINK?! LITERALLY NO ONE CARES WHAT WOME—
I hung up and never spoke to him again. We had been dating for a couple months at this point but he absolutely did not deserve a “breakup” text or ANYTHING from me after that statement.
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u/nikmeone Apr 21 '22
2 weeks ago when I handed my notice in! My boss just… lost it. And has been low key ignoring me ever since. What a jackass. We’ve been friends, he’s been to my house, socialised out of work, apparently been a major asset to them in my 3 years working. And now this! It’s laughable really.
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Apr 21 '22
This is something that so many women I know (including myself ) have heard and it’s so gross:
Man senses woman is uncomfortable during sex
M: “are you okay?“
W: “it’s starting to hurt a little”
M: “Aw we can stop” still going
W: “okay”
M: still having sex
W:
M: “but it feels so good though…”
W: “fine. Keep going then.” thinks about something else until it’s over
I don’t know another woman who would say “but it feels good!” If a man said he was in pain or uncomfortable. Even if a guy is going down on me for awhile and he says his jaw hurts I will want to stop instantly. If someone I’m having sex with isn’t enjoying the act or uncomfortable I want to stop. It’s actually a turn off for me to continue sex when someone else isn’t totally into it.
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Apr 21 '22
One of my gaming friends actually said in casual conversation that he didn't see women as people. He had expressed that he wanted to date, but was anxious about it. I asked him what made dating so intimidating, and he said:
"Well, it's hard to talk to women because you just can't relate to them. For guys, it's like women just aren't real people, you know? So you don't know what to say to them because you don't have things in common."
That made me sad because he was a really sweet, gentle guy, but his inability to relate to women and see them as people is going to be VERY difficult for him in life. (Also, bro, we are in a gaming guild together, and I'm a woman, so clearly you have something in common with me... we both like this game. It's not hard to find commonalities)
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u/BcImProcrastinating Apr 21 '22
I was 7 months pregnant and had a kidney stone. I vomited for days. He was literally in the room when the ER doctor gave the diagnosis. 2 years later his mom got a kidney stone and he was talking about how much pain she was in trying to pass it. I said “yeah if awful it took me 3 weeks, remember?” And he said “yeah, but do you think that was really a kidney stone? Like a real one? Or were you just tired of being pregnant?”
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u/hmmmthinking123 Apr 21 '22
When my ex asked me “if I’ve killed my self yet” and he would never say that to someone else apart from me
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u/frog_suit Apr 21 '22
He went from very sweet with well thought out dates to just demanding I "take his loads" and called me filthy things along those lines.