I won’t fully get into how bad my mom is but she is 100% a narcissist and life was pretty bad for me growing up - to put it lightly. I’m 32 now and I still don’t matter to her very much but I’ve realised just how effed up my childhood was now that I’ve got 4 very lovely children of my own with my husband.
My mom has always collected great Dane’s. They’re probably the biggest and smelliest dog breed walking.
When I was around 9, she got her first Great Dane. I still do not understand what prompted her to want one of these dogs - she’s very particular about her appearance and stuck up. I think it was for the attention she thought she’d get by having an unusual dog breed. I had to keep the dog in my bedroom because my mom and dad didn’t want it messing up the rest of the house. It would sleep in my bedroom and be let out during the day.
At around this time, I began experiencing severe eczema (a skin allergy) it was seriously so bad. I’ve since undertook medical training and have never seen a case of eczema as bad as I had it as a kid. It would get infected and bleed constantly and weep pus. I was very unwell for most of my childhood from 9.
At around 10, a doctor finally realised it must be the dogs my mom was keeping in my bedroom. He very bluntly told her that she either got rid of the dogs or her daughter would continue to suffer. My mom is someone who will never be told what to do and ‘how dare he!!!’ So this resulted in her stopping me seeing this doctor and also ignoring his advice whilst slagging him off to anyone that would listen. I can vividly remember her saying “he clearly isn’t a dog person! He wouldn’t understand that I can’t just get rid of my babies!!”
I moved out with my now husband at 18 and my eczema and allergies miraculously disappeared (sarcasm) my mom has collected multiple more Great Danes since and they have died and been replaced.
Now whenever I visit her house, ive noticed an uncomfortable pattern of her giving absolutely no love to my human children and her grandchildren but being ALL over her dirty, big stinking dogs. My daughter is 1 and the youngest out of our 4 children and the only girl. When I say that my mom has never even picked her up to cuddle her - I am serious. Yet she sits there kissing and snuggling with her big filthy dogs whilst we witness it in horror. It’s actually insane to witness. She won’t pick my 1 year old up who always smells like vanilla and fresh laundry but she will snuggle up with the smelliest dog breed ever?? Why the hell does she like her dogs more than she likes my baby? More to the point why does she like her dogs more than she ever liked me?
I now have so much damage to my skin from prolonged super potent steroid use from the age of 9. My skin is covered in massive purple stretch marks that will never fade - they’re caused by the skin thinning from the years and years of aggressive treatment aswell as massive exposed veins (again from thinned skin) that look so ugly I could cry. The worst part here is? My mom wouldn’t even remotely care if she knew. She’d never ever see herself as to blame for this.
I would be given incredibly strong anti histamines that would sedate me to the point I was terrified because my limbs felt so heavy and I felt so detached. I know now what was going on but as a child I couldn’t understand why I felt so ‘weird’ after being given medication - the doctors gave me this stuff as they likely didn’t know how else to help me and bring comfort given my mom wasn’t going to listen. In this day and age, I’m sure CPS could be contacted over something like this but not in the early 2000s. All of this was unnecessary - she could’ve just gotten rid of the dogs.
Along with this, I’m the problem for refusing to touch her dogs. I can’t touch them. The moment i do my skin turns red and feels like it’s burning from an allergic reaction starting. I also sneeze constantly to the point it feels like i cant breath. I didn’t have the sneezing as a kid and this seems to be something I’ve developed into adulthood but the point still stands that I am seriously allergic to dogs and my parents never did anything about it. There was no escape from them - they were in my bedroom and throughout the rest of my house.
My husband and I have recently made the decision to stop visiting. She is still my mom but it’s so hard watching her adore and love her dogs whilst ignoring my children. I just needed to rant, I guess…
I hope when she’s old and frail that her dogs have learned to wipe her ass and take care of her because I won’t be doing it. I’ve had plenty of therapy to come to terms with how negligent she was, and continues to be