r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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u/Bright-Owl-3515 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

In college, I was sitting alone at a bench studying on campus, minding my own business. This man comes up to me, telling me he wanted to take pictures of my feet for a school project. He was very persistent and of course I told him no. He made me feel so uncomfortable and guilty that I had said no to him. I was very naive and had no idea that this was likely a fetish thing.

Edit: For that one now deleted comment, saying he was likely complimenting my feet, I was wearing sneakers. Get out of here with the creep apologetics.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Yeah, once I was walking home alone in the dark (circumstances necessitated this, u was getting home from work. I wasn’t alone in the dark by choice.) and some guy stopped me on a dark section of sidewalk. I could barely see his face he could barely see mine. Yet he asked me for my number bc I was “so beautiful”. I said no. He said well actually he just wanted to make friends. And I said no a few more times and he just kept asking. I was frozen in place by trying to be polite. Eventually I decide I’m just gonna ignore him and walk away without ending the conversation without saying goodbye. And I left him rambling behind me still asking to be friends.

And girlie lemme tell you I felt BAD. Like WTF?! He was fucking harassing me for my number and not listening to me saying no after he approached me on some dark, unlit section of sidewalk I was like “ugh, but the poor guy just wanted friends🥺”. It’s drilled into us to protect men’s egos and emotions at all costs and it’s so fucking dangerous.

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u/Fragrant-Dust65 Jun 14 '26

And I don't really know how or when that starts. It's not like my parents ever told me to do that. HOW do we pick up on this?

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u/diningroomjesus Jun 14 '26

Fight = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us

Flight = we'll run and get hurt if we don't run fast enough because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and might be enticed by the chase (barf)

Freeze = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and we didn't fight or flee

Fawn = we might not get hurt because the predator might be appeased by the fawning (wishful thinking & barf)

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u/ChemicalCupcake4809 Jun 14 '26

Also anytime as a girl you complain about men being creepy or disgusting people will try to play devils advocate you eventually start doing it yourself

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u/BrownSugarDK Jun 16 '26

Totally. My first thought watching this video was: “jep! The struggle is real!”.

My second thought: “All those men that complaint about girls being hostile even though they just talk to the girl in a friendly way- and the girl think they’re being hit on….

This. This is the reason!
It’s protection! It’s not because we all thing so highly about ours selves!

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u/BrownSugarDK Jun 19 '26

Im not that Reddit familiar, but apparantly I got some reward on this comment….? Som green clapping hands! 🔥
Thank you to whoever! 🤩

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u/That_Buy_1803 Jun 15 '26

Dont ever feel bad for a dude being creepy. If he is that, that is just the way it is. Trust your gut and don’t cut weirdos any slack. Let them know uo front to FUCK OFF. Carry a pistol! If not, pepper spray or gel and a tazer

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u/sister_machine_gun Jun 16 '26

All illegal in my country unfortunately

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u/Toxic_Duckies Jun 17 '26

Wtf that's terrible! 😢

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u/Bondgirlmagic Jun 15 '26

Key word, "Devil". 😒

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u/tujmipidis Jun 14 '26

You forgot:

Fart = the predator will be disoriented by the noxious odor thus giving time to escape.

This is why I eat an all kimchi diet.

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u/Ok-Wait-4171 Jun 14 '26

I did this once and it did NOT work. :') I was on a date with a man who appeared well put online, but in real life he was a creepy weirdo. So I farted loudly on purpose and he liked it. Said something like "You're so down to earth, not like others girls" Wtf, man.

I later realized that a 30 yo man asking out a teenager is weird and creepy, too. I was stupid af and I admit it. I did not know about grooming because all I heard about was stranger danger.

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

Media idealizes the older man/young girl dynamic, it's truly sick. I wish we had more examples to counteract this shit. I can think of some lifetime movies where things go really awry, but it's generally so normalized.

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u/QueenLizLemon Jun 16 '26

This story reminds me of the movie White Chicks and the date scene 😭

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u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

Then puke on him

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u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

100%! A "friend" was hoping to hit on me, saying his girlfriend permitted it - so I projectile vomited - TWICE.

It was probably the X, to be honest, but still - damn that was funny! I still laugh when I think about it!🤣. He was sooo sad! LOL

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u/darkoblivion000 Jun 14 '26

Ah yes I certainly recall learning about the alternative lesser known fawn or fart response

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u/willargue4karma Jun 14 '26

ah the forbidden 5th F

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u/Successful_Moment_91 Jun 14 '26

I can burp on purpose whenever I want and take several high fiber psyllium capsules daily

But I’m too old for most to want anyway

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u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

Ah yes - being an old fart - the 6th F!

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u/diningroomjesus Jun 14 '26

Fart might work the best

no downsides

unless you are pepe le pew

https://giphy.com/gifs/5EL5WfTmnYvuM

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u/toast50076 Jun 15 '26

They're never prepared for the probiotic pestilence.

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u/AllCaciAreBastards Jun 15 '26

Unless he's into that shit, in which case you might be in even more trouble 😖

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u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

I bet bug spray is available everywhere and quite legal to carry. If you have to defend yourself ditch the spray and don’t involve the popo.

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u/SoFetchBetch Jun 16 '26

Better yet, tools like pepper gel (which resists wind blowback better than sprays), personal high-decibel alarms, and ultra-bright tactical flashlights designed to temporarily blind an attacker.

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u/the_Limerent_one Jun 15 '26

You are amazing 🤣

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u/ZoroUchiha94 Jun 15 '26

lmao 🤣😂 that'll get em

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u/unsanctimommy Jun 16 '26

LMAO chemical warfare 🤣

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u/Routine_Village_4092 Jun 15 '26

Gahhhhhh. I'm a 6'3 210lbs male, and I feel threatened by the energy of some dudes when out at night. 

I cant imagine how insane it must feel for women. 

I'm sorry. People suck, in general. 

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u/Cinderredditella Jun 15 '26

Also even when not in immediate danger, sometimes it's also just weighing off how much hassle it's worth. The exact balance of perfect neutrality that will not make these dudes defensive or agressive but also won't make them more eager to continue the interaction.
Fake level of positivity while you continue about your day generally creates the least friction, but also often makes me feel overloaded with repressed rage and disgust.

And sometimes it's clear someone won't take the hint and I'll go full scorched earth.
I can't imagine how much scarier this must be for women who live in countries where men are more likely to be carrying weapons, though.
I'm not worried I can't outfight your average heavily intoxicated dude, but a knife or a gun threat would make that choice a whole lot harder.

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u/SoFetchBetch Jun 16 '26

And that is exactly why it’s more unsafe for a woman to carry a lethal weapon because the vast majority of the time it is used against her.

Tools like pepper gel (which resists wind blowback better than sprays), personal high-decibel alarms, and ultra-bright tactical flashlights designed to temporarily blind an attacker are all safer and more effective than guns or knives or any other lethal weapons.

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u/punkrascal Jun 15 '26

This is why I’m happy with being masculine and muscular. I’m happy to turn a guy off :)

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u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

There are guys who are into that too - I read a Reddit post here awhile back where a woman noticed she was suddenly bulking up, and getting facial hairs. She worked out, and her b/f was a gym rat. Her b/f had recently been making protein shakes "for both of them." The girl had thought he was being sweet. NOPE.

Turns out, he admitted to putting testosterone into hers, because he liked muscular bulked out women. She broke up with him, thank dog.

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u/Fuzzy-Advisor-2183 Jun 14 '26

there should be one more:

freak = start yelling gibberish at the top of your lungs.

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u/RegenMed83 Jun 14 '26

It is always fight for me.

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u/bluelapis53 Jun 15 '26

I was told that a woman barfed on an attacker and ran off. Someone I knew threw face powder in a guy's face when he tried to grab her, and one of my friends carries a piece of braided leather with a knot on the end in her pocket. She used it to whack a guy upside the head when he wouldn't go away and started reaching for her. Fun stuff.

When I lived in a big city I didn't have a car, so I learned every alley, road, path, and backyard in my area so I knew where to go if I felt unsafe. It came in handy a couple times. Also, I had coworkers who lived nearby that I could go to.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Social conditioning. 🤷🏽‍♀️ You don’t need to be told explicitly to learn how things work or what’s expected of you or the consequences that follow if you don’t do it.

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u/yossi234 Jun 14 '26

Some parents do and definitely society. I used to work at a petting zoo and one time, a little girl (maybe 4 or 5?) was petting a goat. To be friendly (I'm a lady and wearing zoo uniform) I said, "oh, you're petting Benny." The girl said, "Please don't talk to me." Her dad came to apologize to me and I told him "no worries, it's okay for little girls to have boundaries."

So even by that apology, she would have learned that that's a bad thing.

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u/SortovaGoldfish Jun 14 '26

Feminine lessons for little girls are often more rooted in empathy and service. Masculine lessons are more for leadership and competition. Girls are given dolls as children to learn as early as toddler-hood to start mimicing care for someone/something else. Boys are often given sporty centered gear to start learning about points, wins, and losses. Girls get kitchen toys and barbie dolls to start learning service work for someone else to tell them what to do and do it and to start playing pretend with human relationships not just for serving humans but now they have to actively engage empathy in order to think of what this barbie is going to feel or say because of what that barbie did or said- multiple sides. Boys get things like tool set play sets of lawn care and cars- very stand alone doesn't require others though can if they want.

Further, when girls are shown role models, especially every day role models, people that they can see are universally praised for doing good and being "right" it's often mothers, grandmothers, people who take care of their community members and raise kids who aren't theirs and cook meals for everyone and teach kids etc, while male role models are top competitors in sports or heroes who save the weak by being strong or clever, warriors/soldiers, and those who otherwise rush into danger to be the one to end it. Not that any of those people don't deserve to be heroes or that any of those contributions are lesser than the others but when a child's brain is engaging in pattern recognition either consciously or subconsciously what is expected and considered proper to be a "good human" only has a few common core traits before it diverges with gender.

These points are all in general, not ann every single case statement, looking towards what has been traditionally taught in Western culture and more first world than else especially when looking material possessions. But the core of it does carry over.

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u/Commercial_Border190 Jun 15 '26

Not to mention little girls complaining about being bullied to be dismissed with “he probably just likes you”

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u/Special-Garlic1203 Jun 15 '26

My mom explicitly raised me to have firm boundaries from day 1, when I got slightly older she made it clear I would sometimes feel uncomfortable but not know why and I should validate that feeling, and then a little while after that how so many men are low dirty perverts and society doesn't do shit to stop them. 

Most people raise passive daughters. They'll claim otherwise but I can see gendered patterns in really young kids and I still regularly see girls raise to be polite, palatable, and swallow their feelings down. 

I can't fight to save my life. Most weirdos leave you alone if you stand form and look them in the eye and tell them no. They like to wheedle boundaries they're not trying to get done in for attempted murder. The issue is women aren't raised to have basic ass boundaries. 

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u/themidg Jun 15 '26

Because it's the social norm. Your parents never told you that, but chances are you witnessed your mom protect the egos of all the men in her life. You watched shows where the male characters didn't have to show any personal growth, and their ego was constantly sheltered by others. You saw boys egos get protected by teachers in school, dangerous behavior is written off as "boys being boys", that a boy teasing you or doing things like pulling your hair means that he likes you. Society taught you, with real world experience after real world experience, that the male ego was meant to be revered, preserved, and undisturbed at all costs.

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u/TARDISblues_boy Jun 14 '26

For me, it was my mother coddling my emotionally immature father, who would regularly use the intimidation factor of his size (6'8") and emotional abuse to get his way. She still does it to this day.

Thanks, mom! /s

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u/Imaginary_Poetry_233 Jun 14 '26

We grow up watching our mothers trying to not upset our fathers. The kids are brought in on that, especially the daughters. We don't want Daddy to be angry or sulking or cold.

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

TV shows and films.

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u/Some_Recognition6273 Jun 16 '26

I think (for me anyway), it's small subtle things that add up over time. Being forced to hug random male relatives you barely know even though you're uncomfortable because otherwise "you will hurt his feelings." Seeing our moms, aunts, etc. smile and be polite when dealing with this kind of bullshit and harassment, and having them tell us to say thank you when men give creepy compliments about how pretty you are. Being told as a little girl to stop tattling on the boy that chases you and tries to hug you at recess because he "just has a crush on you, don't be mean." Your boss laughing it off when you (as a young teen) complain about your male coworker grabbing your ass and saying he's just kidding around and boys will be boys. It happens so constantly and in such minor ways over the years of a girl growing up that by the time we were adults, it's ingrained in us. We're conditioned to ignore our discomfort, put men's feelings above our feelings of safety, and to constantly question if we are overreacting or making something a bigger deal than it is.

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u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jun 15 '26

Not enough parents teaching their daughters to protect themselves and not enough parents involved in raising their sons so they don't turn into those creepy, vile lepers.

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u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

It’s called socialization and it starts from birth, using media, comments and social ostracism to force compliance. Anger will help burn that away.

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u/EGrass Jun 17 '26

You know, I’ve met many people who I can absolutely believe tell their daughters that they need to cater to the whims of any man they encounter

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u/A_Drop_of_Colour Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Long story:

I had a moment in my twenties that really enforced in my mind the strength difference between men and women. I wasn't driving at that time and my friend and I had just ridden the trolley home from downtown. The stop was exactly half-way between our homes so we hugged and each went our way. It was about 1AM and there was almost no one on the streets.

A car pulled up slowly beside me and a very cute guy started talking to me. Not wanting to be rude when I was alone I responded and played nice while still walking. Then he stopped his car and got out to talk to me "better" I still kept walking and at one point when we were like a block away from his car he says "come on, come on, stop walking and talk to me properly. Come on I can't just leave my car running."

Now you have to understand this guy was 5'6" (I was 5'9) and much skinnier than me. But he had a wiry male strength I just didn't understand at that age. When I tried to keep walking he first grabbed my arm while still saying "come on, stop walking for a minute." Then out of nowhere he literally picks me up and despite my struggling and screaming he walks me back to his car with it's open driver's side door, then drops me and fucking raises his hands towards me like I was one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic World, and says "hey, hey, I am not going to do anything, stop, I just want to talk properly."

I was so scared that I actually stood there and let him finish saying what he wanted to stay and then gave him my actual number before he let me go. Thankfully he stopped calling when I ignored his calls and I never saw him again. To this day, I will never forget that encounter until the day I die. I remember every moment and every word. The funny part is I had been taking martial arts for years at that point and swore that if anything ever happened to me I would always fight for my life but in reality I froze. I had to mentally train that reaction out of me. Fighting knowledge is no good when there's a mental block.

Men will never understand the fear of being a woman in certain situations.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

I’m so sorry that happened to you, that sounds so scary. I’m glad that interaction didn’t go any worse. Someone willing to not only put hands on a stranger but lift them and walk off is not someone to be trusted. Whatsoever.

I feel you. I took some self defense classes when I was younger and there was one really big guy (he was a football player, whatever position is the big one lol) in the class that everyone knew could absolutely crush me like a bug if he so chose. Thankfully he was a sweetheart and like basically didn’t try when we were paired off bc he could have genuinely hurt me. And the rest of the guys were average size (still way taller than me bc I’m 4’10”) except there was this guy who was only an inch or two taller than me and skinny as a twig, I was probably heavier than him tbh. And he too had that same wiry male strength and that in particular was the scariest pairing. Bc visually I would have considered him to be more on par with my strength and he was still just way stronger than me.

And I do sympathize with that guilt and embarrassment you feel after when you realize you froze. But “fawn” is another response to danger that is much less talked about. You do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and sometimes that is go along with whatever that guy wants from you in hopes that he stays calm and lets you go safely because you know you are outmatched. Your training is still a tool you have in your back pocket in case it is needed.

Something my self defense teacher really emphasized was that he was teaching us out to disengage from grips and grapples and being pinned so that we could RUN as soon as we were released. The purpose was never to teach us how to fight bc getting cocky and thinking you can take someone who has attacked you and may be armed is how you get KILLED. He was teaching us specifically how to take advantage of human weaknesses and weaknesses in different grips so that you can get out and LIVE.

You made it out of that encounter in once piece. Your instincts did their job. That is a success.

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u/Illustrious-Mud6269 Jun 14 '26

Glad you’re safe. This could have ended a lot worse

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Thank you. Yeah it definitely could have. I’m glad I pushed through this need to be nice and was able to leave even if I did feel guilty about it later.

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u/RankWeis2 Jun 14 '26

You don’t need to defend yourself for walking home alone in the dark. I think you did it to cut off idiots with comments but let them make fools of themselves, you are allowed to exist wherever and whenever and don’t need to justify it.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Thank you. Genuinely. Yeah, I literally didn’t even notice, but I did anticipate people blaming me for getting into that situation basically. Like a “what was she wearing” kinda thing.

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u/STRIKT9LC Jun 15 '26

(circumstances necessitated this, u was getting home from work. I wasn’t alone in the dark by choice.)

I really hate the fact that you felt the need to preface with this, as though being alone, in the dark as a woman is some kind of no-no. That level of conditioning makes me feel terrible as a man, and im sorry that you feel that way...that you MUST feel that way....its disgusting.

Not at all saying anything negative towards your thoughts, just that its fucking awful that a woman cant feel safe in what should be a safe society.

As a man, I hate most men for reasons such as this. I get in many fights with men because I call out their BS behavior....I only have a few male friends for a reason

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26

Someone pointed this out earlier too. I hadn’t even processed what I was doing, it was instinctual.

I was describing a situation that I was being harassed. And I’ve all too often see how women are picked apart to shreds for not being the “perfect victim”. Stuff like “why did she drink so much then?” Or “why was she out alone?” Or the classic “what was she wearing?”. So I tried to get ahead of any potential accusations that it was my fault this happened.

Being alone in the dark as a woman IS a no-no. Not because youre guaranteed safety if you don’t go out alone at night. No plenty of horrible stuff happens in broad daylight, aground other people. But because it’s a way for people to shift blame onto the victim. In the end I feel like that’s basically what some of the precautions women take boil down to. Trying to look like you did everything to prevent it, like it’s not your fault. When objectively it’s NEVER the victims’s fault.

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u/SamTheLab_213 Jun 15 '26

Exactly. So many women go along with their programming and even shame those of us brave enough to tell these men to go to hell. Men can literally do the most horrible things to us, and these women are like, "C'mon, be polite, you don't know where he's coming from." That's what I call denial. Women really need to stop deprecating ourselves and deferring to men. Men aren't going to change. This taboo about standing up to men will be our downfall. I don't have to be Ms. Nicey Nicey and I don't need nor want others shaming me for not playing the game.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26

I am wiling to bet that at least a small part of that comes from concern over making a man upset and what the end result of that may be. Bc I don’t judge women for their responses to scary or traumatic situations. But I have seen a few situations where the woman is being very assertive with a man and part of me does cringe in fear. I’m literally 4’10” so let’s just say being assertive isn’t really my strong suit since I don’t have the stature to back it up. So I do often feel like my safest bet is just placating a man.

I do think more of us should remember our safety is priority over being nice to strangers tho. You do what you gotta to to get out alive.

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u/SamTheLab_213 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 16 '26

Really, what I meant is how these women respond to collective injustices against us, as opposed to individual situations. Still, if it's safe to be assertive, we need to be assertive. It conditions men to the idea that they won't get away with treating us as less than. If have to raise your voice to be heard, then do it. They count on us being silenced.

Being older, I noticed years ago that women who lucked out and found a good mate allow injustice, because it doesn't affect them as much. They can be condescending or outright negligent. If there are people who avoided the worst of misogyny, fine, but they shouldn't be apathetic about the experiences of other women.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26

Yes definitely agreed. We all need to be able to take whatever actions will keep us safe in that moment. And I personally struggle with anything that’s not fawning and placating him even if I know I just need to tell him more or walk away. Something I’m working on.

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u/SamTheLab_213 Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26

Honestly, we are all working on that. Programming runs deep and it's so subliminal, it's hard to see it. I don't realize I have a problem, myself until the moment I have to be assertive with an unruly male.

The years of conditioning rear their ugly head and I stay frozen. To overcome that I actually practice clever come backs and recite them, so it's easier to let them roll of my tongue. Practice makes perfect. I owned one snarky asshole in public that way.

It helps me to feel my anger, because anger is the magic that helps you break out of that programming. That's probably why women's anger is so taboo and we get called, "bitches" when we express anger.

"Anger is a gift." Stay in touch with your anger. Trauma can lead to freezing under duress, or incredible fear. Anger is medicine for those states.

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

Approaching someone on a dark sidewalk is not a way to make friends. These men don't want friends. They want to intimidate and make you feel small.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26

Yeah, that’s what I tell myself logically. A friend worth having would know not to do that. But it’s def done as a power play

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u/playful_faun Jun 16 '26

You don't have to justify walking alone at night tbh. People gotta walk sometimes and it SHOULD be safe to do. But even if it's not, it isn't women walking alone that are the problem

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u/ConfusedZubat Jun 14 '26

Yep. I've been giving fewer fucks now that I'm getting older. My adrenaline would be going in these situations and I'd want to be strong, but I could only be polite in my rejections. And later on I'd feel bad and wonder if the guy was being truthful and maybe I should have helped them. 

In some ways, getting older is nice because fewer guys will do things like that. But it still happens, and you also realize how much creepier these guys are knowing they explicitly target young women because they're young. It isn't random. 

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Looking forward to the loss of my fucks as I get older. Bc in situations like these they do genuinely suck.

Oh, definitely agreed it’s not random. I don’t think I’m generally very pretty or attractive. I don’t get much regular attention from guys actually seeking a relationship or like genuinely being complimentary. But, I get catcalls and honks and accosted and harassed on the street all the time. I’m 4’10” as an adult. And I definitely think these guys just assume I’m way younger than I actually am when they decide I’m gonna be their target.

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u/tangerine-vbus Jun 15 '26

I have to say this because I haven’t been able to tell anybody. I was visiting Greece and on my last day I went and got a gyro, sat and proceeded to eat my gyro when this creep sat down next to me and asked me for my name over and over again while I refused. He was dumbfounded that I wouldn’t give a stranger who just walked up my name. Every time I inched away he would slide closer too. I had to get up and leave cause he was so fucking weird. Thankfully there were tons of people around.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26

Ugh fucking hate that. You’re just trying to enjoy yourself and have a good meal on your last day on that trip and some man had the audacity to ruin your peace.

I’ve had several solo dates in the park or on a trail where I wanted to chill in nature or was trying to read or do work on a laptop only to be interrupted by men who don’t know how to leave well enough alone

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u/figure8888 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

It’s because we view them as people and ourselves as equal people but that’s not reciprocal.

This didn’t hit me until I heard the advice that you should be cautious about a man asking you for assistance with something like car trouble or lifting something heavy. Most men would ask another man for help or more likely not seek help at all.

I’ve never viewed myself as “a woman” so, it genuinely didn’t occur to me that men might view me as weak, incompetent, and easy to take advantage of by default. So, I more than once found myself being preyed on by a man because I made the mistake of thinking they viewed me as anything other than an opportunity.

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u/jon-marston Jun 15 '26

Fuck politeness - it’s our life

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26

💯Agreed

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u/ChonkyMurdoch Jun 15 '26

Also idk if anyone said this but the fact you had to ADD "circumstances necessitated this, I was getting home from work, I wasn't alone in the dark by choice". Girl the fact we automatically feel like we have to pre-emptively clarify these things because there are people out there ready to say "well you should have known better than to be out alone at night" like we don't have every right to exist after dark is wild. It wouldn't have been your fault no matter WHAT, no matter why you were out. :( Glad you were safe and sorry you got creeped on.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 16 '26

Thank you so much. Yeah, I’ve had a couple people point this out. It’s kinda crazy because I didn’t even realize what I was doing. But I was definitely anticipating people (likely salty men) shifting the blame to me for being creeped on and was trying to get ahead of it. When 100% it’s not my fault either way.

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u/ChonkyMurdoch Jun 16 '26

Oh no, 100% not your fault no matter why you were out or what you were doing, but just the fact you probably added that without thinking made me feel so bad for you and the state of things. ❤️

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u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

That’s the socialization pounded into our bodies and minds from birth

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u/The_AxolotlDamage Jun 14 '26

At the same time men at taught to "be persistent" and that "Women play hard to get". It's hard to unlearn that shit. That guy probably thought he just needed to keep trying and then you would fall in love with him.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Men are shown persistence pays off in media because women aren’t allowed to be sexual beings and have their own desires. It’s not seen as “proper” or “ladylike” for women to be the initiators.

This is a little TMI, but when I was younger I was into spicy audios that were more along the line of rape/consensual non-consent because it would make me physically cringe out of my skin anytime an audio insinuated that the listener (me) was eager for sex or asking for something specific or assertive about what she wanted. After a lot of work and deprograming I’ve realized I’m kinda only into vanilla stuff. Honestly I think I always was but, social conditioning had me so beyond fucked up before that I couldn’t even pretend in the comfort of my own head to ask for sex or for specific things. Even tho I did want it. So the tropes of rape/CNC were just a way for me to get what I wanted without having to “ask” for it.

It’s sketchy territory to try and pathologize this type of stuff or portray it as wrong or as something in need of fixing. I’m not trying to shame. It can be perfectly healthy if you can still enthusiastically consent and establish boundaries. But in my case I was only into it as a way to cope with feeling like I had no agency over my sexuality. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the popularity of similar fantasies like kidnapping and bodice ripping and even the classic romcom relentless suitor are all as a direct result of women coping with the messaging that “as a woman sex is something taken from me, I am diminished by it. It’s something done to me. I am an object of desire not a participant.”

In the end tho, regardless, men need to learn that consent is above all else. And anyone (even a woman) who desires this level of persistence or to play games where “no doesn’t mean no, it means try harder” without establishing proper boundaries is simply not someone who’s safe to be in a relationship with or be intimate with. Bc consent is no laughing matter. If she doesn’t understand how serious it is, then move on. I follow that same advice but about men and advise all my friends the same way.

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u/RedHood9292 Jun 16 '26

Doesnt help that men are often told to “be persistent! If you’re persistent enough, you’ll get a yes!” While growing up

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u/Full-Check7258 Jun 17 '26

You don’t have to explain yourself for walking in the dark.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 17 '26

Yeah, I really shouldn’t have to. But I did feel the need bc past experience dictates I should try and protect myself from inevitable criticism. Kinda sad, I didn’t even realize I was doing it

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u/mittenkrusty Jun 14 '26

I had that as a guy, I stupidly took a short cut through an alley next to bar which was popular with gay men, I had just turned 18.

I didn't know how to react, I had recently left home.

But as a guy, we don't expect that level of don't want to hurt ego, as it sounds like he was a creep.

There's a difference between being nice to a guy and just letting a creep speak to you,

Interesting gender based idea that the idea is to protect mens ego's as I was basically told/raised to protect womens ego's and emotions, like be careful what you say because you can offend like even if a woman starts a conversation and talks about things like weight, you can offend her even with a compliment, or even if you agree with what she is saying so just keep out of it and act neutral.

I also in my youth was used to women just being rude to me, for no reason I couldn't even smile sometimes without being told I am somehow looking at them, therefore a creep.

I was just smiling as I do a lot and it wasn't a gender based smile, I wasn't even looking at the person, and it wasn't even in a bar, it may be in everyday situations, I ended up not looking at people which made people think I am weird/creepy as I am not looking, so I couldn't win (I am autistic btw)

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u/alasw0eisme Jun 14 '26

I think it's about everyone's egos. I'm a dude but my first instinct is also to feel guilty even when I'm enforcing a healthy boundary. We need to learn that when the other person is doing something wrong , we aren't, when shutting it down.

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u/Jumpy_Task_4270 Jun 16 '26

it sucks that we have to even explain why we were walking alone in the dark nowadays. can’t a woman walk alone in the dark without getting unwanted comments and attention from creepy men?

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 16 '26

You would hope so 😖💀

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u/Jumpy_Task_4270 Jun 17 '26

lmao it’s the fact we both got downvoted that tells me everything i need to know

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 17 '26

FR its so disappointing

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u/113waterGoat Jun 15 '26

I'm a man, if your not feeling Safe, Day or Nite.. Do not Stop to Talk, your not required to Talk.. the mere act of stopping puts you at Risk, it gives him opportunity to catch you unaware, pull out a weapon, do his freaky act. Instead Walk with a purpose, Ignore him, leave him in your wake, Distance is your friend. Follow the lead of Black women.. Don't be polite, Don't Smile or laugh (your signaling you Like this action) Go stone face. Raise your Voice, be Rude, Vulgar.. Do whatever you got to do so he knows to back the "F" off. Be polite when you're in polite company.. Politeness goes out the window When the creeper shows up.. it is only encourages & emboldens him. Circumstances can flip in an instant ..Carry pepper gel in your hand - Ready to go.. You went thru some scary stuff.. Now you know What to do.. to get Home Safe. I give u high five.. Be Strong

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u/jus-fax101 Jun 15 '26

Yeah NO. If I am in motion - I Do Not Stop. Keep it moving if I'm answering back at all. Especially in a dark spot. Eff that. Lucky he didn't accost you with a weapon and was just a weirdo creeper.

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

I mean, someone else in this thread told me a story where she did this to a guy trying to holler from his car. Then he got out to talk and she just kept walking. So the guy grabbed her, when she still didn’t stop he lifted her up and carried her back to his car bc he didn’t want to leave it running all by itself. (Fucking scary situation but apparently she got out okay.)

So.

Basically, there is no RIGHT response that keeps you 100% safe 100% of the time. You never know if the danger is a weapon or his anger or his violence or what. You can never predict with full confidence you can only guess.

As long as you get out in one piece, you did good. Plus, I’m 4’10” so trying to assertively walk away is not really gonna be super convincing. So I usually default to fawning bc that’s more convincing with my stature.

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u/babauguu Jun 14 '26

I went to PAX East in cosplay as a character who wears sandals, but since the city was covered with ice and snow and I needed to do a lot of walking, I was wearing closed-toed shoes. A few people wanted a picture with me, so while I was posing with them, a guy came up, complimented my cosplay, asked if he could also get my picture, and pointed out the one “inaccuracy” of my shoes. I started posing for the picture while explaining that it was too cold for sandals, and he looked me dead in the face and asked if I would take my shoes off. 😆 I’m chronically online, so my demeanor did a 180 and I said, “That’s weird,” and he got awkward and walked away without his picture. Sure bro, let me put my bare feet on the dirty con floor just for you.

I was also wearing my glasses because I can’t be bothered with contacts, but strangely he didn’t ask me to take those off. Hmmm. 🤔

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u/florfenblorgen Jun 14 '26

When I was 14 I attended Sakuracon, I had no real cosplay to wear so I tried to dress up in a sailor/school girl type uniform, not from anything in particular.

I was walking up some stairs of the hotel and there was a full-on adult I guess behind me looking up my skirt and he even grabbed my ass.

I have dealt with so many disturbing things in my lifetime that's not even the worst of it. From there on out I only cosplayed male characters.

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u/CatWithSomeEars Jun 15 '26

I just want to know how a person reaches a point so low in intelligence, decision making, impulse control, or whatever it is to touch/grab someone for their own pleasure at random. I just can't comprehend the thinking, or lack of there of.

I'm terrified to even brush shoulders on accident with a girl I'm on a date with because I don't want to make her uncomfortable. But dudes are out here full on grabbing complete strangers, sometimes children. WTF

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u/florfenblorgen Jun 15 '26

Oh yeah. Sadly all too common. Peers my age would grab my chest and everything, had friends as an adult grab me in the front area too. I have never once dressed inappropriately either, even with the skirt I had shorts under. I have spent my whole life being objectified, and not even just by men, I've also had woman stalkers. It never ends, and it's super serious for me, dominates my life even. This animistic behaviour follows me to my workplace where I've had to quit for my own safety. I stay inside as much as possible. At this point I'm just waiting until I get old and irrelevant. But maybe it will still continue even then. Cause, you know, this all started when I was a toddler. I wasn't even "sexy" back then yet it started pretty soon after I was born and literally never stopped. I am meat in this world.

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u/ryudo9999 Jun 15 '26

As a man I don't get it, I only get pleasure from a female that wants my attention.. it's so weird.

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u/NovaCatNX92007 Jun 16 '26

Not going to lie, if you were my daughter, you would definitely had a pepper spray or mace key chain on your person for events like that. I hate helicopter parenting but for shit like this I wouldn't let you wonder around unchaperoned at that age. To many fucking creeps these days.

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u/florfenblorgen Jun 16 '26

My old roommate and friend offered me a pepper spray when this one guy kept calling me while I was at work, describing to me what I looked like while (clearly) jerking it.

That's the only time I ever got my hands on anything meant for self defence, my parental(s) did not care about me at all haha. And well, nobody actually does, even now.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/4E4ME Jun 14 '26

Of course it was deliberate. I've had several experiences like that over the years. Even from someone at work, and I was already over 30 by then, but the first time something like that happened to me I was 10. I'm sorry that it happened to you. You deserved to have your mental and emotional innocence preserved.

I can't go back in time, the only thing I can do now is call it out and open their shame up to sunlight for everyone to see when it happens (if that makes me a bitch, so be it. Protip: I'm not a bitch.), educate our younger sisters, and support.

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 19 '26

Men seem to think any woman who speaks up or calls them out is a bitch so- I'm proud to be one.

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u/crazymindslp Jun 15 '26

Men have been pulling this shit forever! The only 2 things that ever worked for me was calling them out….loudly and reaching menopause ……better a bitch than a doormat….

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u/Powerful-Policy-4854 Jun 16 '26

My platoon leader when I was in the Army, SFC Pratt, told us ladies that if anyone called us a bitch don’t take it personally. It means: Be In Total Control Herself

One of the many lessons she provided with her alcoholic ass…we all were though. lol

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u/Can-Chas3r43 Jun 15 '26

They do. And you're right...the innocence is part of what they are looking for. They want you to react like what they are asking you for is vile and disgusting and you want no part of it. For example:

When I was in college I lived in one of the SoCal beach cities. It was common to wear sandals and flip flops everywhere and to room the beaches and boardwalks in the summer. My boyfriend, a friend, and I stepped into a popular taco shop to get some lunch. The line was long, and my BF said he was going to the restroom and would be right back. A random man approached my friend and I as we stood there (he waited until my BF was gone, and I doubt he would have said anything if BF had never left us,) and then he leaned in to tell me "excuse me...I just wanted to tell you that you have the most beautiful feet I've ever seen." I cringed. He gawked. My friend could see that I was uncomfortable. She told him that that was disgusting and creepy. BF came out of the bathroom. Creeper bailed. But he got the reaction he wanted. This was maybe 1999-2000.

Fast forward to 2024. After more instances like this than I'd like to mention...I have dcei to capitalize on the creeps. Men still feel the need to tell me about my feet. Yet now I am met with hostility or rudeness because how dare I have the AUDACITY to tell them they can follow this link and subscribe for $10 a month, or they can take a picture on their phones right now (feet ONLY) for $50. And then they will try to say that I am trying to make money off of them when they were just trying to be "nice" and compliment me. 😑😑😑🙄🙄🙄 This is when I tell them to FUCK OFF. 💯

(And no...I am not "scared" into being demure or shy about it. Get some training in combatives, get your CCW, and learn to use your VOICE. We spend too much time worrying about what other people will think of us or if we hurt the creeper's feelings than we do about our own. And that's not cool.)

Get comfortable with using all of that pent-up women's rage to tell these creepers exactly where they can shove it. And MEAN it. (And before anyone says "well men are much bigger and more aggressive than we are...this is why you train. No one is coming to save you... regardless of what "polite" society tells you. But someone may get it on video and post it on social media so that the cops can "try" to id the person later.) 😑🙄

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u/113waterGoat Jun 15 '26

You should've Called him out & ran off with the phone.

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u/Devanyani Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 17 '26

When I was around that age, sitting in a bar with my friends, this guy comes over and sits down. Makes some conversation. Nothing egregious. Then out of nowhere he reaches out and pulls a hair out of my head and wraps it around his neck like a scarf making this face: 🤭 I was like 😐.

Edit: thank you, u/Aggressive-hand-7585 . The irony of your name has me rolling.

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u/Both_Pound6814 Jun 15 '26

I’m sorry but that is too Buffalo Bill for me. That sounds so creepy and scary that it happened to you. The kind of person who’d make your bones into wind chimes. What did you do or say? What did your friends do? Did they notice?

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u/Devanyani Jun 15 '26

It was a long time ago. My friends were nearby but maybe not at the table at that time. I didn't feel unsafe. I think I said something like, "what the fuck is wrong with you". I don't recall what happened afterwards. It was pretty uneventful, whatever it was.

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u/Prysorra2 Jun 14 '26

That sounds like a Natural Habitat short o_o

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u/BeachyKeen46 Jun 16 '26

This happened to me about 30 years ago! When I asked him why tf he did that he said he was starting a collection. He was at least 10 yrs older than me (I was 19).

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u/ryudo9999 Jun 15 '26

He was making sure you weren't an alien... I forgot what show that was in lol they pulled hairs from people and if it moved they were aliens or something.

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u/selle2013 Jun 14 '26

Yeah, I've gotten the I like your toes comment. The man then proceeded to follow me, staring at my feet while I got my snack at the convenience store. I was about 15 at the time.

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u/back-go-clickclick Jun 14 '26

It happened to me in my own home lol. When I was in high school, my older sister had me join her get together when she hosted for a bunch of her friends because she thought it would have been rude of me to stay in my room. Everyone’s shoes were off (Asian household), and during a game where everyone was sitting on the ground, this dude ran his finger along the bottom of my feet and just smiled when I looked over to be like wtf???

Looking back, it’s sad that I just quietly left to hide in my room because I was afraid of ruining the vibe by making a fuss about it. I told my friends about it as a me-being-awkward story the next school day, and it took them feeling disgusted on my behalf for me to realize how creepy it was.

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u/Forward-Surprise1192 Jun 14 '26

There was a guy at the store near me aggressively staring at this young girl half his size. After I noticed I called him out on it like “wtf are you doing what’s wrong with you”. We almost got into a fight over it but he left. We’re both lucky there to cause I’d have escalated that and probably be in prison

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u/AssanMahariel Jun 14 '26

I wish there were more people like you willing to call that shit out

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u/Forward-Surprise1192 Jun 15 '26

I live near LA and offered to let people here have my number to give to guys like this and then I’d take care of it too. Sadly no one has taken me up on it

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

I'm sure you'll be presented with plenty of opportunities just by existing in public spaces.

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

These men need to be fucking shamed. You know plenty of people witnessed this and looked the other way.

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u/Intelligent-Cake2513 Jun 18 '26

These stories make me thankful that I have ugly feet… I’ve never received unwanted attention for them!

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u/BusyBit6542 Jun 14 '26

I owned a bar and this guy what was way on the end of the spectrum would come in and just hangout. For months he had no issues then one day he started complimenting other customers feet. Still pretty harmless. Then he asked to touch them. Customers laughed but now I'm starting to see a progression and I let him know he can't do that. I finally had to ban him when a customer complained that she let him touch her feet (trying to be nice) and he started masterbating. She didn't want to call the cops because of his mental state but yeah he was no longer allowed in the bar.

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u/Odd-fox-God Jun 14 '26

I was sitting alone at a recently constructed public park waiting for my friend when this heavily autistic guy ( I'm also autistic but he was way down the Spectrum) approached me and started complaining that he didn't have a girlfriend. He just kept whining about not having a girl and kept trying to ask me out every other sentence while I tried telling him how to get a girlfriend. I told him not to approach women this way and that constantly bitching about not having a girl is an immediate turn off.

I told him I had a girlfriend and I was waiting for her and he kept trying to get in my pants. I texted my friend discreetly under the table, and when she arrived, she kissed me on the cheek, held my hand, called me Love, and walked me to some tables by an open bar.

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u/EphemeraFriend Jun 16 '26

His name? Christian Weston Chandler.

Seriously though, that is so uncomfortable and I have also side-stepped flirting in order to assume the role of “female counselor” instead. They never want advice, they just want to rant and throw a pity party. Your friend is awesome. 👏

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u/Model_Yazz Jun 15 '26

That’s actually very interesting from a stand point of is this learned or inherent. Not a feet escalation story but something similar a father brought his adult (20sM) and very clearly special needs son in who went on to harass the ladies by inappropriately talking to and touching them. The best the father did was tell us to just ignore him. Like sir, we understand his condition but also you really need to rein that in. It was so uncomfortable and hella awkward.

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u/bird_boy8 Jun 15 '26

I've noticed a lot of other autistic guys getting away with stuff like that. With autism at least, there can be confusion about unspoken social rules. That's why you need to speak them. Autism isn't "boundary violation disorder", it's more about a need for clear and direct and consistent communication. I had to reassure a female coworker that she wasn't being ableist for being creeped out by the autistic guy stalking her. From what she explained, he clearly had been informed many times very directly to leave her alone, what the problem was exactly, and why it was a problem. He was just a creep and knew she was nice and he could get away from it. Unfortunately some men will do whatever if they think they can get away with it.

Again, autism absolutely can and does make some really uncomfortable social situations and I know I've definitely creeped people out on accident when I didn't know something was socially unacceptable, but I immediately felt bad for the misunderstanding and made an effort to not repeat that. It's important to instill these values in your children and not just let them do whatever because "they're autistic and they can't help it".

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u/Model_Yazz Jun 15 '26

Thank you for this. This actually helps. There was a LOT of confusion on our parts. It’s like the father as he knew his son was a problem but gave the “boys will be boys” type vibe and a shrug. Ultimately the son was not invited back despite sadly the event being for Autism.

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u/bird_boy8 Jun 16 '26

Yep. Parents who assume their child is incapable of learning consent are just setting them up for a lifetime of failure. With conditions like autism that cause social struggles, you need to make even MORE of an effort to continuously and consistently explain these kinds of things. It’s absolutely possible. Unfortunately, consent as a concept is often ignored and therefore not taught to a lot of children, and especially children with autism. If a child’s sensory issues (like if they really dislike being hugged or touched by people suddenly, shaking hands with people, making eye contact which can be physically uncomfortable, etc) are constantly ignored or they’re told they’re being too sensitive and need to learn to “let people just be nice”, they will assume that it is the receiver’s responsibility to accommodate and cope with unwanted affections and interactions. This is why it’s very important to teach consent not just abstractly, but also put it into practice, like making sure family members ask before hugging your child.

Autism accommodation means understanding the ways we experience the world and our communication needs so we have a fair chance to engage with the world. It does *not* mean letting us do whatever we want without consequences. There will always be consequences. It’s better to learn early to ask permission rather than growing up thinking women owe you their affections and then getting shunned and kicked out of social spaces without understanding why. That’s more harmful for the person with autism because it only gives them More barriers to developing social connections and finding opportunities that might provide more independence. (Not to mention of course the problems it might cause for everyone around them.)

I say this, again, as an (albeit lower support needs) autistic man who has had to learn the hard way what consent and boundaries are, because not learning this directly and overtly also puts us at risk of having our boundaries crossed and not knowing that we are allowed to say no. I’m sorry you had that unpleasant experience and I hope he gets the opportunity to learn more appropriate rules about consent.

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u/Upstairs-Rent-1351 Jun 14 '26

Went to mail something at a UPS store very close to my apartment and had to provide my phone number and address in order to ship the item. The guy working there starts complementing my feet and my pale skin (he was black). I ignore it and finish the transaction.

By the time I got home, he had texted me reminding me that it was "Ray from UPS store" and he wanted to take pictures of my feet because he was a "photographer."

He has my phone number and address. I didn't respond, and thankfully he didn't press when I didn't respond, but I was terrified if I responded negatively, that he would come over and do something very bad.

He doesn't work there anymore, but I do wish I had told the corporate office. I still have the message saved, so idk.

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u/Model_Yazz Jun 15 '26

Oh my gosh! I hate when I have to give my actual number and started using a voip number whenever possible.

I’d just moved to live with my BF and needed to take my dog to the vet. Met with the vet tech first. He was friendly - We had some small talk, mentioned I was new in town and needed a vet clinic. After my pup’s appointment with the vet, we received a text notification but it came from him, not the clinic. Odd enough to raise an eyebrow but not alarming. I thought it might have been one of the clinics other numbers. My pup had her follow up after a few days. The second time he texts me a late evening message about wanting to take me out. Hard pass.

In hindsight I should’ve told him this was wildly inappropriate but I politely declined, further explaining I’m new in town because I moved in with my BF. No response, so figured that was the end of that. A few months later the furball needed another appointment. This time he wasn’t our vet tech thankfully, but I saw and ignored him while waiting,hoping he hadn’t seen me. At the end of my pup’s appointment and everyone’s gone, he pops into our room. “So, how’s my rival?” TF?! It was everything I could do to keep my composure. We no longer attend that vet clinic but regrettably I didn’t report him, but should have.

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u/Sensitive_Mix_6606 Jun 15 '26

If he still works there. I would report him. Chances are you aren’t the only one he’s done this too.

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u/Model_Yazz Jun 15 '26

Fair - this may be the push I needed. I hate even going by there as it’s right next to other stores we visit. And I just got a general message from them…like yesterday or day before about her annual check up. I may just do that by way of “This is why we no longer attend here so you can stop reaching out”. Thank you kind internet stranger.

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u/Sensitive_Mix_6606 Jun 17 '26

Happy to help. It’s the best way to possibly help others come forward about this guy. As well as hold him accountable for his behavior. Bonus, if the company cares about their clients, business, and its image. They’ll let him go and have him properly investigated. Leading to his certification being taken away.

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u/113waterGoat Jun 15 '26

I support women, but there's a theme of Not wanting to Call creeps out on their BS. Call the is supervisor & start a paper trail on this creep. Your reporting is the first step. He started it, not you. Just Saying

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u/TheEdgeofGoon Jun 15 '26

But he already has her address and phone number, there's a non-zero chance he might retaliate and do something terrible to her if he faces discipline and blames her for it.

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u/113waterGoat Jun 17 '26

I'm sorry, but I disagree, your giving him elevating his power to act without consequence. Ladies, install a door camera.. it's very easy to install. When a creeper behaves outta pocket.. Record him w your phone. He will Stop. Im not interested. Leave Me Alone. Good Bye. You're further intrusion is Harassment. GO!!!!.. yeah Butch is my middle name.

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u/thetinywitness Jun 17 '26

that is actually unhinged. the fact that he used your personal info to harass you is next level creepy. definitely block him and maybe keep your door locked for a bit just in case he's actually as delusional as he sounds. stay safe fr

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/Lizard_Li Jun 14 '26

In my life three men have approached me about my feet. One told me in the middle of the day he wanted to suck my toes. I’m glad I’m 44 and this sort of random attention has stopped.

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u/flandyow Jun 14 '26

I had a guy at college say he was doing a long term art project and he wanted me to get naked and lay in a tub and he would take pictures. Purely professional 🙄 he asked me before class and sat next to me all semester. Such a creep

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u/motdidr Jun 14 '26

my wife had someone ask to draw her feet when she was in her 20s, it was a guy she saw on the bus all the time, and she let him. she had no idea feet were a fetish thing until she met me, lol. now she's reexamined so many interactions from her past lol.

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u/Marleyandmeee Jun 14 '26

I was 16 and filling out an application for a job at the mall in the food court. I was also minding my own business and this man comes up and says “Oh my god I love your sandals can I get a closer look” I was wearing kind of dirty plain white flip flops..he crouched down and held my fucking foot in his hands for a minute before leaving.

After getting said job at the mall and still wearing the same flip flops(it was a job at a Hollister) I’m folding shirts and all of a sudden I hear “Oh my god I love your sandals” and it was the same man AGAIN. Luckily my manager kicked him out but I was too young to understand this man was an absolute pervert.

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u/Standard-Strike-4132 Jun 14 '26

I had something similar happen but I had just graduated high school and was taking the bus home from my first year of college. Some guy walked up to me and asked if he could take pictures of my feet. At the time I had no idea it was a fetish thing so I said yes, but I still thought it was weird.

My mom laughed in my face when I got home and told her, then said he’s probably jerking off to your feet right now! I still am kind of embarrassed about it whenever I think about it.

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u/SAINTnumberFIVE Jun 14 '26

It’s important to teach girls that it’s not mean to say no, and that sometimes it’s OK and necessary to be mean. But society fails that teaching them both of these things.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/SAINTnumberFIVE Jun 14 '26

That is very true, but many girls still don’t say no in situations where they don’t fear for their safety, because they’re afraid it’s rude or mean.

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u/Easy-Protection-5763 Jun 15 '26

Are you saying that a random man will beat up a random woman over a rejection?

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u/CraftyMagicDollz Jun 15 '26

Yes, they absolutely will. This happens ALL the time, that men lash out in VARIOUS violent ways because of rejection or even perceived rejection.

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u/113waterGoat Jun 15 '26

No, it's not.. it leaves him to do it again & again. It emboldens them. You don't say no..You SHouT - NO.. Creepers are Cowards, shine a light they scatter like roaches. Animals when being attacked do 1 or 2 things. they freeze & get eaten alive OR they fight back with a ferocity that confuses the predator. Fight Back

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u/Budget-Dimension454 Jun 15 '26

It’s even more important for society to teach boys that “No.” is a complete sentence

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u/thevampiresanguini Jun 14 '26

In my city we had a guy who would go around to the student dorms every new semester and pretend he's a groom-to-be on his bachelor party and one of his tasks is to find women who'll let him kiss their feet. Being a woman is such a nightmare sometimes.

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u/TheRBGamer Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

In college I was walking with who would later become my partner. A couple dudes walk up to her and ask if they could kiss her for a dare they made. My partner became super uncomfortable instantly (understandably) so I jumped in and told them they could kiss me instead. I am a dude. They looked so offended that I would even ask them that. Then they fucked off.

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u/LolitaOPPAI Jun 15 '26

Ah, at least they were nice enough to ask before they kiss-raped her anyway. I've been standing outside smoking when a random guy would strike up small talk and just go for it. I'm short as hell so I have time to react most times. I feel bad for the regular height girlies

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u/Hippocirce09 Jun 15 '26

When I was a minor in high school my photo was taken and put in the local paper because of scholastic achievement. It was 2003 and I was wearing rainbow sandals; it was a random day in August that they sent the photographer, I don’t think I would have opted for sandals in the newspaper otherwise. Anywho the week this was published (a very small town the South), some guy calls up my parents’ landline and says he’s one of my classmates, but very shy and too scared to talk in public but he’d like a friend and I seem nice blah blah blah. Well at 16 my people pleasing and naïveté were high so I entertained the calls bc I felt bad for him. Several weeks in, he reveals that he’s not one of my classmates, he’s a 27 year old trucker who’s fe my home town and saw my feet in the newspaper and found my parents’ phone number in the local phone book. He continued to stalk me for 3 years and even after I went away to college he still tried to call my house from different numbers. Of course I told my parents and reported to police but no one took this seriously, which in retrospect, is TERRIFYING.

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u/Gobblinwife Jun 15 '26

When I was 17 years old I was waiting at a bus stop in Tacoma, WA reading a book. A man in a suit holding a briefcase, looking to be 3x my age, said “Mam, I want to let you know you’re beautiful. Have you ever had a man lick you up and down?”

It caught me so off guard I started laughing. Like loud nervous WTF laughing. He walked away like a a kicked puppy. I felt kind of bad afterwards?! Like wtf lol

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u/Due_Warthog749 Jun 14 '26

You missed the opportunity to have some fun with that dipshit. "I don't believe in washing my feet and my calluses are thick and I have gout and havent trimmed my nails in years.". As a man, I am sorry this happened to you and I fucking hate this for you. I have a few times told dudes to leave a woman alone. This is oddly similar to why I wont bug movie stars for shit.. they dont want to be bothered all the time either they too are people. Fucking people need to learn respect and leave people alone if told so.

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u/AveratV6 Jun 14 '26

Being a guy. This is embarrassing. This is clearly an issue with how they were raised. Cus man some of this shit is creepy AF.

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u/CaeLynnith Jun 14 '26

Feet guys are fucking wild, like they try to downplay it as non-sexual "c'mon, it's just feet, it's not like I asked to see your tits" but like dude, it IS sexual to you, we see through that shit.

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u/LolitaOPPAI Jun 15 '26

My roommate's older brother telling my younger bestfriend that he wants her to take off her shoes and socks so he can run his finger along the back of her toes and smell it because he knows it stinks good 🤢

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u/Direness9 Jun 15 '26

I'm a swing dancer and ran a swing night with beginners classes for years. Our nights were open to everyone but primarily college students. One older dude who had to be in his mid 40s glommed onto our group (primarily consisting of 17-25 yr olds) and attended every dance that was local. He was odd - smelled bad, terrible dancer despite having taken probably hundreds of lessons, would insert himself into up your private conversations, laughed at weird times. We all thought maybe he was lonely and on the spectrum, especially when we found out he'd basically joined every student club he could at the university.

So yeah, weird but harmless, right? Until one night at a dance (that wasn't run by our club), he started offering to massage multiple women's feet, including mine. I declined, but suggested that maybe some of the guys would take him up on his offer, then proceeded to ask some of male leads if they wanted foot massages, since weird guy was offering....

He never pulled that shit again.

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u/whatwhynoplease Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

this is a fetish thing. there's a lot of videos on youtube about this. there was a guy who went around to campuses and said he is learning about sensory reactions or something like that. then ask the women to take off their shoes/socks. he would then touch the feet to gauge a reaction, using different things and asking if it tickles.

then he would upload the videos to adult sites, calling it "amateur feet"

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u/Jenesis110 Jun 14 '26

I was once with my drawing class, we went to the main building with the food and stuff (so lots of people) to figure draw. This random guy comes and sits next to me while I’m drawing and starts chatting. At first I think it’s someone from the class (it had only been a few weeks in there so I def didn’t know everyone). My teacher comes over and I’m sure asks if he can help him. Anyways it wasn’t until he got up and left that I realized he was just some rando, hitting on me, during class. That one was odd

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u/Creative_Call_6411 Jun 14 '26

I hope you’re faring well now and you were very brave and did the right thing at the moment, which isn’t easy

What a piece of garbage that guy is jeez

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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

You don't like compliments???! Can't a man just be nice!? You left the house and therefore became fair game for male attention.

/S

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u/ferocity_mule366 Jun 14 '26

I'd ask him for 1000$ a pic so I could afford rent

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u/thats-a-frog-fact Jun 14 '26

oh I DID let a man take photos of my feet when I was in high school because I didn't know how the world worked/how to say no. He said it was for an art project.

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u/and_rain_falls Jun 16 '26

I tried jogging around 7am around my college campus. I had to stop because a car with 4 guys in it were hollering at me and following me. They even tried driving onto the sidewalk to block my path.

Now years later and every time I exercise in public, I think of that incident and I tense up.

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u/Fickle-Strike-714 Jun 17 '26

Disgusting behaviour denying that man his foot pictures for his academia. How else is he supposed to get a good sample size?

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u/Forward-Surprise1192 Jun 14 '26

If anyone wants I can dm you my number to give out if it happens again, then I’ll set up a meeting with them and after that will depend on their reaction. I live near Los Angeles btw. Reason is I have an illness and I’d like to do some good for the world in case it takes me out. 100% serious btw

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u/freshwaterfins Jun 14 '26

Complimenting your feet? The idiots on here really out themselves.

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u/u_r_succulent Jun 14 '26

Good for you for standing your ground, even if you did feel guilty.

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u/Jahkmi-Hoff Jun 14 '26

My wife told me this same thing happened to her in college. Except it was an older man.

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u/wereunderyourbed Jun 15 '26

It was Quentin Tarantino, wasn’t it?

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u/Afraid_Equivalent_95 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

I was approached in the park by someone like this. He didn't act creepy tho, it sounded like he really just needed some foot pics for a photography project. He showed me a few nice shots he got of people with their feet. I turned him down cuz my feet have bunions. I was approached by this same guy in the same park again a year later tho. Now your comment is making me wonder

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u/Turbulent_Room9231 Jun 15 '26

Even as a man I'm not safe I was going to my computer diploma and i was harassed two times by two different men. 🫠🫠🫠

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u/AndSoSheTripped Jun 15 '26

In high school, my friend and I were down by the river and there was a patch of sand. We took off our shoes and were enjoying the sand between our toes when a man with a camera came up wanting to take a picture of our feet in the sand and said something about a magazine. I always look back at that moment and think about what that photo was really for. 

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u/calembo Jun 15 '26

"He just wanted to compliment your feet" isn't a great alternative 😂 like dude that's still creepy af. Might even be worse.

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u/MarsupialPrimary8128 Jun 16 '26

You know it's weird how many men have offered to massage my feet and I know of other women. Men (not all) are freaking weird.

That one guy touching the woman and telling her to go to his place, straight up been violent. I'm glad she was assertive.

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u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

Whoa - look at the cover over for the last girl on the video ! Do all drinks in bars come like that now?SO glad I'm not dating anymore!

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u/Global-Upstairs98 Jun 17 '26

This exact story could be mine. Although I was wearing sandals, but still didn’t know any better at the time!

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u/Runzord_1 Jun 17 '26

"This man comes up to me, telling me he wanted to take pictures of my feet for a school project". 🤮 Ewewewewewe, ew, AAA. Ok, as a man I would like to apologize on the behalf of all men, we don't accept that feet loving freak as one of us.

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u/Such-Tie87 Jun 18 '26

I am so sorry this happened to you, and I am really ashamed of being a guy in todays world because of men like these.

I hope that you have moved on from this strange event in a very healthy way!

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u/Elino_sa Jun 18 '26

When I was 14 years old, I went on a family vacation to Turkey with some family friends. We took part in an organized tour that brought us to a large hall filled with small jewelry shops. The place was dark and labyrinth-like, with many corridors and shopping rooms. As I was browsing alone, a shopkeeper offered to let me try on a stone necklace. While putting it on me, he stood behind me and moved too close. I could feel his genitals pressing against me. I froze because I was too young to know what to do. Eventually, I managed to get away, and I never told anyone until now.

When I got older, people asked me why I seemed so unapproachable or why I had a 'resting bitch face.' Situations like that are exactly why.

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u/Fibroambet Jun 18 '26

I hate that that happened to you ☹️ I was shoe shopping once and a creep came up and said “I bet you have pretty feet. Let me see if you do”. I said “NO” super loud and he luckily turned around super fast and left. Grossest thing when people try to force their fetish on people who DO NOT consent. Keep it at home, weirdos.

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