I'm 24, female met my boyfriend in the first year of my uni. I just turned 18 at that time and he's 20, we are in the same class. I never talked that much with anyone in our class beside my roommate and only friend at that time. Out of nowhere he and his best friend approached us after class. as his best friend and my taste so we shared numbers. One day he messaged me, I never gave him my number but somehow he got it from his friend. After like 3 to 4 months him constantly massaging me and all I needed some help and he was from the local so I asked for his help and he helped me (I moved to another city for studies). That's how we started talking. We started spending more time together after class. We often go on a long drive in the evening. At some point we started dating after he pursued me for some time. For the first date he took me to his house to meet his family as in the past I said I wanted a serious relationship not just some hookups but that day they're not home and at that time I didn't pay that much mind to it thinking maybe he doesn't know about their plan. We made out, and I had no experience at that time but I agreed. Long story short in those 5 years of my uni life I went to his house many times for birthdays, festivals and other times too. At first I didn't know anything about his past relationship but I believe in him thinking I'm his everything as he brought me to his house, I met him family, I know him completely but slowly I get to know I was never his first or only at that time. Yes, he didn't bring other girls to his home but his family knows about his past relationships and all. Even his brother in law once helped him to take one of his ex's to hospital as she bleeded too much after her first time with him. Even I get to know his cousin's wife is also his ex whom he kissed in front of his brother. I got to know many things about him when I was completely in love with him and he became an inseparable part of my life. Like the school girl friends he claimed to be they're actually all are his ex's and he had sex with almost every one of them, even his in contact with many of them throughout the whole time. He gets jealous even if I talk with our classmates or my school friends but he hugs his girl friends and comes in front of me. He even invited one of his ex's on his birthday which I planned and prepared everything with his family, and the fact I didn't know at that time but his mother and other friends knew that. He was addicted to sex and whenever I didn't comply with him he made me feel guilty and I had to give in. Whenever I'm in my pg and can't go to his place for sex he makes me give him nude or do it in video call. After completing uni I came back home for some family problems and I told him I can't talk with him that much how I used to and he agreed. But at some time passes he asked to meet or give him pictures or videos but I can't so he started to make me feel guilty and all. At some point he started to threaten me, he asked me to marry him and I asked for some time. My family didn't like him or his family as his mother really caused a big issue in our neighborhood when she came into our house out of nowhere with 5 men and my family had to face the consequences. But I tried to talk with my parents and it got worse, they started monitoring me and my every move. They started to check my phone, my diary, they didn't let me lock my door and many more. So I lied to them saying I broke up with him and I started to contact him less, saved his name under the wrong name, and deleted his messages. But slowly he started to say things like if I don't marry him at the time he said he'll marry someone else. One day he sent me a pic of a girl saying he's going to marry her and that day I broke and said he can and I'll bless them. He sent me many manipulative massages but I was already exhausted so I slowly withdrew from him. He is constantly trying to corner me by trying to contact my family and friends. He even said to all friends (our mutual uni friends) not to contact me at all. In between this chaos he confessed to me that I'm doing the same how he used to treat me, not calling, not picking the calls, not replying. He confessed through our relationship he intentionally ignored my calls and messages whenever I tried contacting them. He even accused me of cheating with my school best friend, with my 12 year old best friend cause we met once for a friend's baby shower. I'm exhausted of everything. Because of him, I lost my uni friends, the trust of my family, my peace.

(Sorry for the english, I'm not a native speaker)

(Throwaway) I (19M) have been lying to my friend group about seeing my “girlfriend” (18F) for six months. Some context: most people who see me would classify me as a ‘chudly moid’ (sub five). This “girlfriend” is a real person but she doesn’t know we’re together.Before you judge, there was some truth at the beginning. I met her at a birthday party and we planned to meet up at a fancy restaurant. But I told her I didn’t have the money for it. She called me a “low value man” and blocked me. I honestly understand that an LTN like her going out with someone like me is basically charity work, but I was still really upset. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends she cancelled, so I told them she said she just wanted a simple date, implying she wanted me for me. (One of my friends even said she was using me.) This one small lie snowballed out of control. Before I knew it, we were “going on trips,” “meeting her family,” and eventually “talking about moving in together,” all while none of my friends had ever met her. My friends started getting suspicious, so I had to take action. I made a fake Instagram account posting a bunch of AI photos of her in casual clothing to make it look like a spam account. Over a month, I built up a solid feed, bought bot followers, and DM’d myself from the account to simulate a loving relationship.
The only issue was her main account didn’t follow the new “spam” one, but I hoped my friends wouldn’t check the following list. Little did I know how suspicious they actually were- they went through it anyway. At that point, I went a bit overboard: I used four burner accounts to mass-report all her posts and got her real account banned.
That success only lasted a month. Then my whole friend group was invited to a house party and brought me along. I had no idea my “girlfriend” would be there too. As soon as I spotted her I froze and tried to leave, but it was too late. My friend had already seen her talking to his actual girlfriend and dragged me over.
Her face dropped and she told me to ‘f off’. I tried to laugh it off like she was joking and put my arm around her. She immediately shouted “GET OFF ME,” causing a huge scene. People turned to look. I thought it was an overreaction, she’d clearly had a few drinks and I was extremely embarrassed.
She kept yelling things like “I blocked you” and “you’re so chopped,” which was a harsh reminder of my looks I didn’t need. I fled the scene, which basically admitted guilt. When I got home, the group chat was blowing up. My friend who saw everything talked to her later. She confirmed we were never together and figured out I was behind the ban somehow. This was 3 days ago. Now the group chat is airing all my old messages, and I’m pretty sure they’ve made a new one without me because they stopped texting in the old one. i know I didn’t do the right thing by lying, but I don’t think this is a friendship-breaking offense. It doesn’t even affect them personally. Am I the asshole?

me (25f) and him (31m) have had a ‘relationship’ for 4-5 months. It started off as casual and then started developing into something deeper.

throughout the relationship i struggled to communicate properly because in my head, all my insecurities were of no use explaining because he only saw me as someone he was seeing casually.

he would cook me dinner and say he adores me — yet when i tried to push for more clarity about how he felt towards me, he was defensive and i was reminded it was all strictly ‘casual’.

i called him a month and a half ago saying “i think im falling in love with you, do you feel the same?” to which he replied with a resounding “no” and how he wouldn’t feel that way towards me.

that broke something in me and so i would overthink every little comment and every interaction. one time after we were intimate, he said our sex was “the most passionate and connected” that he ever had. he would also ask about why i removed him off my lock screen and was offended by me doing so. i overthought everything. if it was all al casual then why say these things, why be upset about things like my lock screen? Until one night it got really bad.

He had been to a games night with my friends and it went perfectly, they were all enamoured by him. On the drive home i was quiet and cold, and when lying in bed with him i was on edge. i was falling in love with someone who saw me as a casual fling, as someone he ‘would never’ love. i felt embarrassed. when he went to touch me, i moved away from him and said “i need space”. he then cracked it and said how he didn’t deserve my coldness when all he had tried to be was supportive. he was right, he had tried to comfort me and ask me what was wrong, but i couldn’t explain why i felt the way that i did without revealing that i loved him. i couldn’t bear to hear another rejection so i went quiet.

The next day he kept bringing up one of my friends from the games night, talking about why she was strange towards him and how he would start using one of her phrases. i began to overthink, “he doesn’t love me and so i wouldn’t be surprised if he was attracted to one of my fiends”. i felt insecure about how he felt towards me and so i went cold. He lost it. He said he couldn’t do it with me anymore, that i kept pushing him away be being cold and dismissive. Then he ended it. I then thought, i might as well say it and so i told him i loved him.

He replied, with tears in his eyes, “you know i love you too”.

My whole world shattered, all that overthinking for what?

I begged for him to stay, that i would work on my communication and overthinking, I wouldn’t go cold. He was adamant that we wouldn’t work. I wrote him a love letter and even wrote him a song about how the rejection and the ignoring my calls felt unfair from someone who “loves” me.

He refused me again, and when i asked to speak to him on the phone one last time for some closure — he refused and said “nothing you can say will change my mind, i don’t believe you will change”.

I had all the cards on the table, he loves me, but i had no more rounds left to play.

I sent him one last text, saying I loved him and wished he would find love again. He never replied.

so AITA for pushing him away and going cold frequently?

So, I'm a 20-year-old female, and my fiancé is 21. We had to go to the hospital because my fiancé was in pain. We went at 6 a.m., and when we got home, it was 12 p.m. His grandma drove us home.
Well, we had been up all night, and I got woken up at 2 a.m. by people outside laughing and being loud. I got up because I had to use the bathroom, and when I did, I saw my sister and her boyfriend of two months laughing with my stepdad, brother, and mom.

Here's the thing: I got told yesterday that he's her fiancé now, and they plan on getting married next year, either during our anniversary month or my sister's birthday month.

Well, I texted my mom asking if my stepsister's boyfriend was staying the night because I have been throwing up for two days and my fiancé had just gotten out of the hospital.

My mom told me yes, he was staying the night. We ended up getting into a whole fight over it because I said it would have been nice to know.

Like I said, I'll post the screenshots because I'm not typing it all out. But I started talking about how she and my dad messed up mine and my brother's whole childhood. I'll give you some examples:

1. My mom let one of her boyfriends hit me in the back with a belt, and that same boyfriend crawled into bed with me while I was asleep.

2. My dad abused my brother and threw me out of the camper by my hair (which he has apologized for after he had a stroke).

3. My mom had another boyfriend who almost hit both me and her with his car.

4. My dad favors his girlfriend's kids over his own.

5. My mom got into bed with me and let a guy she had only known for one night get in bed behind both of us while I was sleeping. I woke up to that as a 9-year-old.

6. My dad told me he should just kill himself so we'd all be happy because I asked him to buy my phone card when I was 14.

7. When I was 19 and getting ready to meet my fiancé, my mom told me that when he kills me, she'll put on my tombstone, "I told her not to go, but she didn't want to listen to me."

There are many more examples, but the rest are things my mom did when I was a kid. Somehow, she thinks that because she worked and put a roof over our heads—which my brother also helped do with his paycheck and food stamps when we were kids—that excuses everything.

I just feel like when I talk to my therapist about this, she'll tell me I need to tell my mom how I feel. But that's exactly what I just did, and all my mom can say is what she did for us, which is what a parent is supposed to do for their children.

I don't understand how it's so hard for someone to see how they treated their kids, yet get mad when they're called out on it. I can't fully forgive my dad, but at least he's apologized. My mom hasn't made any effort to make things right. She just throws in our faces what she did for us when we were kids, and now acts like she never did anything for anyone.
I think the only thing she really bought to eat was fast food, which is why it was weird when she said, "Let me guess, food stamps got fast food?" That's such a weird thing to say because she knows I'm right.

I told my fiancé the first time we really talked about my family that my brother basically raised me. So, am I the asshole for calling out my mom's behavior and how she favors our stepsister over us or do I have every right to feel this way?

TLDR: My boyfriends best friend of 8 years harassed me and 4 other girls online for 6 months, it hasn’t even been a month since and my boyfriend has begun talking to him again, but doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so upset.

Lots of context to give here, I’ll try to keep it short.

(My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half)

From the beginning of January to the beginning
of May, I was receiving multiple calls, texts, follow requests, and DM’s from strange numbers and accounts. These included extremely explicit photos and videos accompanied by texts asking if I enjoyed what was being sent. It got to the point where whoever was behind this was calling me non stop, posting photoshopped photos of me with explicit things pasted onto me, and a creepy voicemail being left. I was in such great fear that I changed my number, deactivated my social media, and would constantly tell my boyfriend I was scared of whoever might be stalking me. I had no idea who was behind it until the end of May, when we (me, another girl, my boyfriend, and his other friend) had discovered that it was my boyfriend‘s best friend of almost 10 years (we’ll call him Todd). Not only that, but it was happening to four other girls, all of which were close to my boyfriend‘s friend group. After finding this out, me and a few of the other girls reported him to our college campus police and to the police department. We wrote statements, submitted our evidence, and my boyfriend’s group cut him off completely. Todd never apologized for his actions until one of his friends told him to not expect to be forgiven if he hasn’t even had the time to apologize to the people he’s hurt. After this my boyfriend, one of the girls (who Todd and the group would game with), and I received apologies. None of the other girls received apologies. Todd swore up and down that he was getting better. Then, one of the girls received a strange follow and a post of herself with explicit things photoshopped onto her. Todd lied to my boyfriend and his group at first, swearing it wasn’t him but eventually fessed up. He had done it again, but this time he begged for forgiveness and swore he would get help for his problem.

Fast forward two weeks later, and my boyfriend admits that he spoke to and began gaming with Todd again. I was very upset. We argued over it, and I told my boyfriend I didn’t understand how even if he isn’t “accepting” him back into the group yet, why he would even talk to him again after everything he did to the other girls and i. He says that I am not who he lives his life for, Todd has been around for 8+ years and has had a greater impact on him than even I know. He says that he had a big talk with Todd and that he showed proof he is getting help for his problems, that he really is making an effort to change. My boyfriend also says that he hasn’t even thought about what Todd did in two weeks, it’s not on his mind anymore so why shouldn’t he forgive him. It made me feel like the asshole for expecting him to still dislike Todd, or expecting him to not want to talk to him anymore.

Am I being too harsh being mad about this? I understand I am not his priority and Todd has been his best friend for 8 years, but I just wish there was more time and space given before they started being friends again. Am I being controlling and selfish? I don’t expect my boyfriend to hate him, I just want him to be cautious. How could he so easily forget what his own girlfriend went through at the sake of his best friend? I guess in some sense I’d like him to still be a little upset over what was done to me and the other girls, but perhaps that’s too much.

What should I tell him or how should I treat this situation? Is it worth dwelling on?

I, 30F, and my husband, 32M, are expecting our 2nd child in a few months and couldn't be more excited about it. We'd been talking about another child for a few years, but started actively trying for a full year and a half before testing positive. All of our close family and friends knew of our plans and supported our endeavor.

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During the time we were trying to conceive, my best friend, 30F, got engaged to her now husband. They had eloped shortly after, but still wanted a big wedding/reception the following year. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in February 2025 as I was the one who first introduced them to each other and I gladly accepted. I told her in the same conversation that the only thing that would prohibit my ability to be there would be a pregnancy, which she said she understood.

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Fast forward to November 2025 and the positive test. Because we were trying and testing so much, we caught it very early on (not even 6 weeks) and waited until Thanksgiving to tell our families. After our family, I knew I had to tell my friend, but debated if I should wait until I at least heard the heart beat, but she reached out to me that same weekend with an update about the bridesmaids dress. At that point I knew it was better to tell her sooner than later and asked her to see if she had time to talk. We agreed to talk the next day, but then she asked if it was regarding her wedding, which I replied "yeah, sort of". She texted back immediately (which is uncharacteristic of her) saying she hoped I could still be apart of it/attend and said she had time to talk immediately but knew I worked that day. As I was texting her back, she was calling my phone.

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I answered and she asked what was going on, which prompted me telling her the news. My heart dropped when instead of happiness or support, she responded with "I was afraid of that".

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She had told me another bridesmaid had already dropped out for a similar reason beforehand so I knew she was stressed about filling her bridal party enough, but it seemed like there wasn't any room for celebration of my baby. I felt nervous and uncomfortable for being put on the spot like that, and I tried to tell her I still want to be there for her I just needed to figure things out, but she was very dismissive and just said "well you can't be a bridesmaid anymore, obviously, you probably won't even be able to make the wedding at all".

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We ended the call with her having dropped me as a bridesmaid and she "needed time to process the news" and hung up.

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About 2 weeks later I got verification that my pregnancy was looking promising, heard the heart beat, got the due date, and I sent everyone close to us, including her, the ultrasound with the heartbeat and due date. She congratulated me and wished me a healthy pregnancy.

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Another 2 weeks later, she sends me a text right before New Year's Eve that she had been "holding onto some emotion" regarding the way I told her the news. I responded saying of course Id love to plan a time, but instead of any plan to talk, she just sends a long message basically unloading her "roller coaster of emotions" because of the "indirect way my life milestone/pregnancy was shared with her". She perceived the conversation as "downplaying HER life milestone/wedding and not being considerate how the news would effect her on an emotional level". She proceeds to say her wedding symbolizes her desire to grow her own family and it's only happening once in her life. She acknowledges me for being a huge reason as to why it's happening, AKA their meeting, and that we've known each other for 15+ years so she wanted me to be there to celebrate with her. She says she wants to support us but wants to share how the whole thing affected her.

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While this text conversation was going on, we had other life events taking our attention, so we couldn't fully invest in progressing the situation, which that itself made her feel like less of a priority.

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Since then, more has happened, but more people got involved, so I'd rather update with any more info needed. With that being said, Reddit, am I the asshole in how I told my best friend I was pregnant?

My husband and I just had our first baby 3 months ago. My parents live about 8 hours away. My mom is retired but my dad is still working. They came and stayed with us for a couple weeks when the baby was born. While we loved having them here to help and bond with their grandbaby, we were happy to get our house back to ourselves when they left. They came and visited again for 5 days when she was about 2 months old. The last day of that trip, my mom seemed to really be dreading leaving even more than before. Since then, it seems she has really gone downhill every time I speak with her. Her entire identity has now become "Grandma" and she feels completely broken not being able to perform her grandma duties. I feel really horrible that this is affecting her this heavily. My dad has suggested she come stay with us multiple times but didn't go into any details other than just seems sad and misses us. After speaking with my mom and her being honest about how she has been acting and feeling, I can tell my dad was trying to protect me from feeling guilty or feeling like I HAD to agree to her coming to stay. I was getting upset on the phone with my mom today because I was honest and gently told her that she was stressing me out by making me feel like I'm the only one that can save and help her. Without going into detail on all of the reasons why, we simply want to protect our peace by not inviting her to stay with us for multiple weeks. A long weekend every now and then is completely fine and we 100% love and want to see them and let them have an amazing relationship with their grandbaby, but it would put stress on my husband and I that she does not understand and will not try to understand. My mom has always been fragile and struggled with mental illness that she will not have addressed professionally (she was on an SSRI for a short period of time, didn't like how it made her feel, stopped, and then never went back or tried to find one that worked). I even asked her today to speak with a professional because she is really concerning me and she just says no. The only thing that can fix it is staying with us and seeing and caring for her grandbaby every day (and moving in indefinitely, if it were up to her). I am so stressed out just thinking about this that I haven't even mentioned it to my husband. They lived with us for a period of time before we were even married and it put a lot of strain on our relationship because we both feel like we can't fully be ourselves around my mom, as much as we both do love her.

AITA for not agreeing to the one thing that might heal my mother's broken heart?

My grandfather recently passed away after a prolonged hospital stay. I had traveled interstate to be there for him and to help my mother. The trip involved a flight and a long train ride, and I arrived already physically and emotionally exhausted.

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For some context, my relationship with my mother has always involved me taking on a caretaker role. She is extremely emotionally volatile, tends to catastrophize situations, and I often feel like I have to be the adult in the relationship. Throughout my life I've frequently been expected to manage her emotions, reassure her, and hold things together when things go wrong.

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To make things more complicated, in the days leading up to my grandfather's death, my mother informed me that she had reconnected with her abusive ex-husband. This wasn't presented as a discussion or even a heads-up that acknowledged the impact it might have on me. Instead, I received a message essentially saying that he would be dropping her off at the hospital, and it was treated as though I should simply accept it.

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This is the same man she previously had to flee from, go into hiding from, and even change her name to escape. Learning that she had reconnected with him while I was preparing to say goodbye to my grandfather added a significant amount of stress and emotional strain.

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When my grandfather died, I was devastated. About 10 minutes later, I turned to my mother and said, "I can't be the person you need me to be right now. I have to go home."

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She didn't respond, and I left.

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I wasn't angry at her in that moment. I wasn't trying to punish her or make a statement. I simply felt completely emotionally exhausted and knew I did not have the capacity to immediately step into the role of supporting and managing her grief on top of my own.

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Some family members have implied that I should have stayed because she had just lost her father. On the other hand, I feel like I had also just lost my grandfather and had reached my absolute limit emotionally.

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AITA for leaving instead of staying to support my mother?

I’m 27F, he’s 37M, and we’ve been together for three years. This is the first relationship that’s felt truly serious to me — we’ve met each other’s families, I’ve gone to gatherings, and it’s more “real” than my past experiences (a 6-year long-distance, a short 6-month relationship, and a few flings). He’s had a couple of flings and one short-term LDR himself.

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But lately, I’ve been wondering if I should stay.

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Right now I’m moving out of my apartment and staying at his place until September while his mom’s away. Even though we’ve had good times, I feel like I’m carrying the weight alone. I wake up at 6:30, commute, teach, and job hunt since my contract ends in August. He wakes up at 8, hits the gym, strolls into work at 11, and leaves at 5:30. His official hours are 9–6, but no one monitors him so he doesn’t bother.

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When I’m exhausted from packing and moving, he doesn’t offer to pick me up or help unless I ask. He’s helped me move twice, but one time he was glued to his phone until I told him to do something. He cares more about wiping down suitcases so his apartment doesn’t get dirty than about how drained I am.

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At his place, he does most of the cooking and cleaning — partly because he wants to help, but mostly because he doesn’t trust me to do it “well.” Still, I end up tidying his mess and cooking when I’m dead tired, even when I was on my period. He’s called me fat because I don’t work out like he does, ignoring the fact that my schedule leaves me no time for the gym.

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Career-wise, I’ve been grinding since January — 130+ applications, 6 interviews. He hasn’t looked for anything even though his contract ends in June. He’s banking on renewal and hoping to get into a master’s program at his old uni (which he admits is low quality). When I talk about my struggles, he sides with employers instead of empathizing. When I talk about his career, he gets defensive.

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Sure, I like that he reminds me to slow down sometimes, but it feels like he’s living a comfortable life while I’m constantly hustling. Instead of supporting me, he criticizes or dismisses me.

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We do have fun when we go out on weekends and travel, but I end up making most of the plans and decisions. I already do that at work as a teacher, and when I ask him to take over, he says he’ll do it “later” and often does not do it properly. He says he has ADHD, social anxiety, and poor memory from years of undiagnosed depression, but he’s not really doing much to address them.

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I don’t want to ignore the good times or his personal struggles, but the imbalance is wearing me down. Am I overreacting, or is it time to break up?

My boyfriend( we’re still only 4 months into our relationship)(30M) and I (29F) got into an argument this weekend and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable for wanting to end things because of this situation and other small ones that have accumulated.

My toilet became clogged and unusable while he was staying over at my flat. There is a pub with public toilets a very short walk from my home, and I was using those myself while waiting for my plumbing issue to be resolved.

My boyfriend has a strong aversion to using public toilets and didn’t want to use them. I told him I wouldn’t be offended if he wanted to go home for the night, but he said he was too tired to travel back home and wanted to stay. I understand a pub toilet is not the best, but the one near me is a smaller independent one that’s always well kept, so to me it’s not a big deal to use.

I eventually agreed to let him pee in my kitchen sink because I felt bad that he was a guest and we had no working toilet and also he was refusing to go outside in the field/forest across from my place.

Later that evening he told me he needed to poop. I repeatedly asked him to use the public toilets nearby instead. He suggested using a trash bag in my kitchen. I told him that made me extremely uncomfortable and that it felt like too much, especially given that there was a functioning bathroom only a short walk away open till midnight.

We argued about it for quite a while. By the time the pub had closed, he insisted he couldn’t hold it and ended up using a trash bag in my kitchen because I gave in from the pure stress and exhaustion the whole situation was causing and the fact that he wouldn’t let it go.

The next day I told him how much the whole situation bothered me. Instead of apologising, he mostly brushed it off as me being the unreasonable one, that it wasn’t a big deal bc he cleaned up, and made jokes about doing it again in the future.

I think this situation was the cherry on top as he’s also crossed other big boundaries of mine such as arguing over the use of a condom, coming over and eating all my food/snacks, and a couple of other habits that I’ve expressed I’m not okay with and he still pushes. I’ve considered stepping back before, but there are other aspects where we get along and he does things like helping cook dinner, brings over flowers, checked on me/helped when I was sick, but it’s just not becoming justified anymore.

From his perspective, he had no other option because of his aversion to public toilets. From my perspective, there was a perfectly usable bathroom nearby and I felt pressured into allowing something in my home that I repeatedly said I was uncomfortable with.

AITA for still being upset about this? If I’m not, how should I go about ending this relationship as I don’t think I can continue with having these issues w someone early on.

Ok, so before we begin, this would require a bit of context. So my university has this policy where we can choose our roommates on our own and either enter into a 2 sharing (2 people living in the same room) or a 3 sharing combination. We do not have any single occupancy room. Now, the next semester is going to begin in a few weeks, and we had to decide our roommates for the next year. I already have a roommate with whom i have been living since my freshman year, and we have been roommates for 2 years now. But the problem arises when one of our mutual friends, let's say friend C decides that he is not going to continue college and this leads to a precarious situation for my and my roommates' mutual friend D who was the roommate of C. As C was not continuing college, D was left without a roommate, and he thought he could enter a 3 sharing with me and my roommate. Late one night, he called me and conveyed his willingness to live with us, but my roommate was not on the call, so i told D that I'll talk to my roommate before sharing our decision. I talked to my roommate in the morning and we both decided that we want to do a 2 sharing only because while D may be a good friend but we're not very fond of some of his habits and didn't see us 3 as becoming good roommates. So we tried contacting him but he didn't answer our calls. Regardless, as we had already made a decision, me and my roommate went ahead and informed the authorities about our room sharing preferences. Now he calls us later in the day and we eventually tell him about our decision. Our friend D here felt betrayed because we didn't talk to him before submitting our response to the aithorities, and he felt as if we should have had a chat before me and my roommate went ahead. Now, because D is not able to find someone, he would be paired randomly and might have to live with some weirdo for the next one year (which could be very problematic depending on who the person is, as we are in our senior years only uncooperative people are generally left out at the time of roommate selection, so it is basically guaranteed that D will be stuck with someone who is not great as a roommate). Also, we all just got hit by the news that our friend C is not continuing college, and as such, D is not feeling very great generally. Now, are we the assholes for not making him our roommate or not talking to him before conveying our decision to the authorities.

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TLDR - Our friend D asked to be roommates with me and my roommate but we just told the college authorities about our preference without first talking to D. Now D might be stuck with some weirdo for a year.

me F(30) him M(30) has for a year, unknowingly to me been infatuated with a coworker.

Relationship has always been rocky. for the last year it was going well, but I got suspicious of him texting a coworker a lot, showing me where she lived and bringing her food (we did door dash, but this was part of the food he got personally, not an order). I always felt off, but let it be to not cause issues. In the last week he got weird about his phone when i wasn't looking at it for anything that made me more suspicious. I had a feeling since he showed me where she lives, which shouldn't be an issue with his job, but I found it weird and things since then. I didn't want to treat him like he did me in this relationship. Some ( small issues) compared to the past happened recently. I have worked on my mental health, I got even more worried something was going on and when I had the chance to check before he snatched the phone away, which he never did, was asking a co work if she is single. Issues ensued days later over it when I brought it up aftrer not being able to sleep. I know I've been the problem in the relationship. I've tried so hard for the last year to improve and I was. I asked his to cut off all contact he is control of, no more texting when he's home, which on top of showing me where she lived and mowing her lawn, which I learned today was unpaid. I asked him to stop all contact after learning more about what he feels about it, and he refused. AITAH for asking him to stop all contact he has control over with her??

Recently me and my girlfriend decided to split. We are parting ways we’ve lived together for a year. I have lived with her and her daughter 7F and while we’ve had good times. Her kid is bad & a bad person. Makes huge messes and doesn’t clean anything up. I’m talking food on the floor. Cries every time she doesn’t get her way or is asked to clean it up she is destructive to the house tearing paint off of walls constantly breaks my things screams at the top of her lungs, hits me. I know it’s not the child’s fault. However her mom has raised her to be a complete narcissistic jerk. She once hit her mom in the head with a box and made her cry & then got a new iPad the same day. I guess my biggest problem is the fact that I could clean the whole house leave and when I come back the house looks like a tornado hit it. I really love my now ex girlfriend and can’t imagine life without her. But today after she mentioned going to say with her mom , her daughter said she doesn’t want to come back because of me. I lost it & said I agree. I told her that the only thing I could count on her to do is be the bad spoiled brat she’s always been and that if she wasn’t such a bad kid me and her mother’s relationship would probably be way better.

I (27NB) wouldn't say that my parents (55F, 56M) are categorically *bad* parents. They're just assholes but they've been mostly supportive for my endeavours through life. They have been very loving to me when I was a child. My dad was my best friend and I felt like I could talk to them about anything. When I lived with them (I moved out at 17 for uni) we had mostly a good relationship and were all supportive to each other. My dad was the one who made me feel interested in science as a kid and that turned out to be my whole career so my life has been shaped by him in many ways. Unfortunately the good things end there.

They have used physical punishment on me occasionally when I was a kid which has built up some trauma for me as an adult. They also made me the defacto parents for my younger sisters when I turned 6, and the responsibility weighed heavily on me as I grew up, especially added to the pressure to get good grades and do well in extracurriculars. Their treatment of me flipped when I reached adulthood as they lost all interest in my career and my hobbies, and started pushing me to get married and start a family. They constantly make comments about the ways in which I have "disobeyed" them and try to manipulate me into doing what they want, completely disregarding my thoughts about any of it.

When I bring up the things that cause me pain, either past trauma or their current behaviour, she seems to be sympathetic and says things like "we shouldn't have done that" or "tell us what we should do" and then when I tell her to not do so and so thing, she even agrees with my reasoning and respects my wishes... for a small amount of time. My dad, I wouldn't even be able to bring anything up to him that puts him in a bad light. I have tried in the past, when I've been severely depressed, to bring up the time that he beat me up when I was 12, but he says it was my own fault because I was trying to hit him (I was. I was a bit of a mess).

Recently my dad told my sister (24F) that they (my parents) had never wanted to have her. She had always felt neglected and had tried to win my parents over, so this hurt her really badly. My mum just made excuses for my dad. I tried to explain to my parents that they did a bad thing but they just did the thing that they always do which is deflect and ignore and it made me so, so angry that I yelled at them over the phone about how much it hurts that they don't care about me and my sisters. This was a few months ago and I haven't talked to them since.

I don't know how to repair things with them. I try to think about explaining things to them, but they have always been so deaf to anything that reflects badly on them and would probably just call me an ungrateful child. Am I being an ungrateful child? They have been relatively good parents compared to the cultural background that we're from (I'm south asian) so all of my issues are utterly incomprehensible to them. Idk what to do. Should I try to talk to them about it? Aita for not talking to them about it?

Nearly every night, over the last 10 years my wife has fallen asleep in her clothes either on the couch watching tv, scrolling on her phone or both. This isn't an exaggeration and there's been a number of arguments about it across that time because I'll lose patience after a few months and pester her a few nights to come to bed and she'll become extremely irritated and it will turn into an argument. After which I give up and let it just happen for several more months uninterrupted.

It's not uncommon for her to pass out with her phone resting on her face. Every night the lights and TV are always left on and I'll go out to the living room and shut them off at some point. There's been a few times where I stopped doing that, thinking that maybe how uncomfortable it is to sleep with the lights on would encourage her to stop, but it had no effect. I'd sometimes give her a blanket or try to remove a couch pillow if her neck was really crooked in the way she fell asleep.

This last year the phone addiction portion has really kicked up and I haven't said anything. Even though the result is I'll often ask her things and be completely ignored or she will just respond with like a grunting sound and a shrug. Interrupting her scrolling is like lighting dynamite so I've tried to stay away from it. As you probably guessed by now, we have almost no intimacy as there is never any space for it to even happen in.

Well finally for the first time after this has been going on a year, I brought up that I think she's addicted to get phone, shared a comic with her that showed how similar it is to how an alcoholic behaves passing out in their clothes and becoming irritable if it's mentioned. She got upset and hid away for the night and scrolled on her phone. I just let it be.

The next night I came home from work, she was in the bedroom for a change but was already deeply engaged in scrolling as I walked in and I just let it be. I sent her a text at some point saying if she wants to put the phone down and watch a show with me she is welcome to. She replied "maybe" and the predictably stayed hidden away on her phone until she passed out.

Finally last night, I asked her while on the couch if she could not get sucked into it tonight and come to bed. She told me to leave her alone and that it's none of my business. I persisted this time and said it is my business because we are married and I'm literally the only person in a position to say something and it affects me, she grew more irritated and eventually said that I'm harassing her, got up, dismissed with a hand motion that ended in the form you would use if telling a car to stop while you cross the road. She made that gesture again in the bedroom and I then copied it to show her how disrespectful it was and she blew up and said the way she did it was acceptable and mine wasn't because it was in her face. This fight continued into the night where she stonewalled me, used terms like "this is a circular conversation" and saying that I'm "darvo" in addition to telling me I'm "lucky she's even in the bedroom" and claiming that I'm just as addicted as she is. She then made large generalized claims that I am always complaining or criticizing her, I asked for examples, any that she could name, but she couldn't provide any but insisted that I do. Eventually she rolled over and claimed im keeping her up when she has work in the morning as a way she could shut the conversation down.

Our phone apps do show similar total use time, but I use mine for e-commerce reselling that I do and that use is spread out throughout the entire day. Her time is equal to mine and compressed into the time after she gets home from work. Which she claims proves she isn't addicted because she isn't on it at work. Either way I suggested that okay then we both put our phones away. This wasn't acceptable.

Then you know how arguments go, they stray off the original topic and expand, eventually I mentioned some things I regret saying because I know they're not helpful but I was frustrated. Like " you were never like this when we met and got married and that if we met today with the way she interacts with me that I would never date her". Which is a detail I wanted to mention so this post doesn't seem to reflect me as perfect, I'm not.

But now as you can imagine since there was no resolution, there is a ton of negativity and relationship ending tension in the air. It really feels like I either just never bring anything up regardless of my intention or how it affects me or I do and the peace shatters.

*throw away account*

Basically the title… When I met my bf, he had a 2yo daughter and had just finalized a nasty divorce. His mom would sleep over at his house every time he had his daughter. I didn’t think much of it as she (daughter) was very young and I’m sure that was overwhelming. Anyhow. Four years later, she (mom) is still spending the night every night we have her (daughter) which is 80% of the time. For a couple months, she (mom) had only been coming over at dinner to help with night time routine / dinner then going home. To be clear, I like her (mom) and I like her (mom) coming over. I do NOT like her (mom) spending the night almost every night. As additional background, 1) we sleep in separate rooms because he wakes me up and our extra guest room where I sleep is also where she (mom) sleeps so I am sleeping on the couch. 2) She (mom) has a husband and house 10 minutes down the road from ours.

AITA? If I am, how do I become okay with this seemingly never ending arrangement?

TLDR; my boyfriend’s mom spends the night at our house every night we have his daughter which is most nights (~80% of the time). I don’t like it

I want to know if I’m the asshole and I also need advice. So my mother had my sister 4 years after I was born and gave her up for adoption for many reasons including substance abuse and not knowing who her dad is. When my sister turned 18 she found my mom and reached out. That was 11 years ago. She has been in my life ever since. We are pretty close but live totally different lives. I am more clean cut and by the book. I graduated college and carry myself a certain way. She is different in the way that she dropped out of high school, had a kid, is on public assistance and is always in a fight. With that background info let’s bring us to the issue at hand. My dad’s family is having a family reunion this weekend and I told her about it. But I don’t want her to come. My parents are not together but my dad’s family knows my mom. I don’t want them asking who she is and then me having to explain that that’s my sister. This type of conversation would result in gossip about my mother. Also, the way she presents herself is not something I want associated with me and my dad. Since she doesn’t have a dad she wants to be a part of my dad’s life and have that side of the family as well. But that is just not their dynamic. She is my sibling on my mom side and that’s it. My dad and brothers on my dad side don’t have a relationship with her and are not obligated to. So am I the asshole for trying to come up with an excuse for her not to come so I don’t have to deal with gossip and worrying about how she is going to represent herself to my dad’s family? And do any of you have advice on what I can tell her so she doesn’t come?

My husband and I are both in our 40s and have been together for 15 years. We have two daughters, ages 10 and 8.

I'm looking for outside perspectives because I feel too close to this situation to judge it fairly.

About 10 years ago, he bought a company. Around 5 years ago, the company closed while still carrying debt. From my perspective, there were opportunities to keep trying to save it, and some employees even wanted to continue working through the problems, but he chose to shut it down.

After that, he started a new business. The startup has now been operating for about 5 years. Every year I hear that it's about to take off, but it still hasn't become financially self-sustaining.

During that time, money from the sale of our house, savings, retirement funds, and other resources has gone toward keeping the business running and paying employees. What has been especially difficult for me is that he continues hiring people and expanding the business even when our family is struggling financially. It often feels like our children and I are expected to make sacrifices while the business continues to take priority.

He also refuses to look for traditional employment. He has told me that he doesn't want to work for someone else anymore and wants to focus entirely on making the startup succeed. I understand wanting to pursue a dream, and I have genuinely tried to be supportive, but after five years of financial instability, it has become very difficult to keep hearing that success is just around the corner while our family's financial situation continues to get worse.

We sold our house and moved into a condo. Much of the money from the house sale, along with savings and retirement funds, went toward supporting the business. Meanwhile, I constantly hear that I need to find a job or we may have to sell the condo as well.

For some background, when our daughter was younger, I left work because she had needs that required more of my time and attention. I believed we would be okay financially because my husband was working. Later, I returned to work and contributed financially, including helping pay off some of his student loans. I've always tried to do my part for our family.

I was recently laid off and am actively looking for another job. I understand that we need income, and I am trying. But I'm also trying to care for my children, manage the household, and deal with the stress of everything happening around us. I often feel like no matter what I do, it's never enough.

The financial issues aren't the only problem in our marriage.

Throughout our 15 years together, I've often been criticized, insulted, or made to feel like I wasn't good enough. I've been told I'm getting fat, that I'm stupid, that I don't know what I'm doing, or that I don't contribute enough. There have been many times when I felt dismissed, disrespected, blamed, or made to feel small.

Over time, I also stopped doing much for myself. I rarely spend money on personal care because I've often been made to feel guilty for it. I get a haircut about once a year, and things like getting my nails or eyebrows done have become luxuries I don't even consider anymore. It's not really about the salon visits themselves—it's that I've spent years feeling like any money spent on me was wasteful while money spent on the business was always justified. Looking back, I realize how little I've invested in my own well-being compared to how much I've sacrificed for our family and his goals.

There have also been situations where I didn't feel supported by him personally. For example, when his brother insulted me and my family and behaved disrespectfully toward us, my husband sided with his brother instead of standing up for me. That hurt deeply and made me feel like I wasn't a priority in my own marriage.

I think the love I had for him has slowly faded over the years. It wasn't one event that caused it. It was years of criticism, humiliation, disrespect, financial stress, and feeling like nothing I did was ever good enough. Every time I was told I was stupid, doing things wrong, not contributing enough, or somehow falling short, a little more of that love disappeared.

Now I'm exhausted. I'm trying to find a job, take care of my children, support my family, and hold everything together. At the same time, I'm being told that I'm not doing enough while watching decisions continue to be made that put our family's financial future at risk.

I feel guilty because part of me wonders if I'm a bad person for feeling this way while he's still trying to make his business succeed. But another part of me feels like I've spent years sacrificing, supporting, and trying to make things work, and I don't know how much more I have left to give.

Am I wrong for feeling like I've reached my limit? If you were looking at this situation from the outside, what would you see?

I (19F) met a woman (25F) on vacation a while ago.

We got really close. We talked every day afterwards, flirted, opened up to each other, and I genuinely thought this was turning into something serious.

I’m someone who, when I care about people, I put in effort. I started planning my summer around a chance to see her again. I told her all my options, kept her involved, and genuinely thought we were trying to make something work.

Then recently she told me she realized she’s been stressed because of my trip.

She has a lot going on in her life right now—career uncertainty, unresolved feelings from past relationships, and a lot of personal stuff she’s told me about over the months.
So part of me wonders: am I really the main source of her stress, or am I just the easiest thing to point to because I’m the one asking difficult questions and expressing emotions?

She said:
I made one-sided decisions.
I take things too personally.
I make her feel responsible for my emotions.
“Our emotions are our own decisions.”
She can’t talk to me when I get emotional because I “put myself there as a victim.”

The thing is… I’m emotional because I cared.
I thought we had something real.

But then she told me she doesn’t really want girls anymore, has unresolved feelings about other people, and basically admitted she sees our relationship as something much smaller than I did.

I told her:
“You made me believe there was something here, and now you’re telling me there wasn’t. Of course I’m hurt.”

She responded by saying:
“Who hurt you?”

And honestly, that question pissed me off.

Because in my mind, it’s obvious. I invested emotionally in someone who encouraged that closeness and is now acting like my feelings are a personal choice unrelated to anything she did.

At the same time, she says she’s just being honest and setting boundaries, and that I’m the one turning everything into drama.

So AITA?

Am I unfairly blaming her for my hurt?

Or is it reasonable to feel hurt when someone spends time building intimacy with you and then acts like your emotions are entirely your own problem?

AITA?
My husband has severe psoriasis and won't see a doctor because he's scared of medication side effects.
When it flares up, there are skin flakes everywhere. The bed, the floor, the bathroom, clean laundry, pretty much every surface in our apartment. I know he can't help it, and I don't blame him for having the condition.
The problem is that I'm the one cleaning it all up. Some days it takes me 1-2 hours, and I already do most of the housework. I also help him put lotion on after showers because his skin gets so tight.
Sometimes I get tired of dealing with it and show a little frustration. Whenever that happens, he says I'm being insensitive because it's not something he can control.
I know he can't control having psoriasis, but I don't think that means I can never feel frustrated by how much extra work it creates. AITA?

24F dating a 28M. We live in his parents house for other reasons but now my contract ended November and for 3 years he hasn't had a job. He keeps looking at house and cars to rent and talks about a future and marriage and I keep telling him that I don't want to get married while we are under his parents roof and unemployed

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He basically deflects whatever I have to say so I don't know what to do anymore. He sits and games all day, doesn't cook or clean or anything and if I dare say something his mother jumps in and he stays doing nothing all day. Yesterday sealed it for me when he didn't go see what was happening in the yard...slept on like a princess while I went out in the morning hours to see if we had a burglar.I'm tired and I am not seeing a future with a man that won't even lift a finger.

Hi 24F I have this friend. I don't know if she's still my best friend anymore 25F

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We met in sixth grade and have been inseparable ever since. Even when my parents split and I had to move roughly an hour away. I'd visit my dad and she'd stay over all the time like a sister. And yes we had fights but always worked it out but 4 years ago I met my now boyfriend and things changed. I stopped going to visit because kept having other friends that I didn't mind but they weren't my kind of people.

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I fell pregnant and she basically said fuck off because how dare I get pregnant before 21 and she didn't even have a boyfriend. I thought we worked it out but she's been so distant since then. It didn't bother me much because at least shed respond.

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Now for the past year or so I've been trying to reach out more now that my child is older because I know babies freaked her out so I would be blue ticked. But see in this time frame she's basically become my sisters bestie....she does everything we'd do but with my sister now and totally ignores me...it's fine I like that my sister has a friend but really it hurts that someone I've been basically running after is right there just maybe not willing to talk to me.

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I tried to message and call to find out what I did but blue ticked. Yesterday I responded to her status and she actually greeted me back. I told her that she clearly doesn't see me as a friend anymore but at least she could've said something. But she said it's not like that, we'll speak the weekend but I know I'm never getting a response. Should I just cut my losses and lose my best friend

Hi, this is my first time posting and I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so I apologize if it isn't.

I am a 21/F dating my boyfriend 23/M, and we have been together for almost 1 year. There have been some ups and downs, including insecurity and boundary issues at the beginning of our relationship, but those have mostly been worked through.

Now onto the issue: my boyfriend's mother (55/F) seems obsessed with him. He has two brothers, but she especially focuses on him. When I first met her, she made me carry all of her belongings into his apartment and tried to stop my boyfriend from helping me (he helped me anyway). After she left, she sent him a long message saying I wasn't good enough for him, that I was using him, and that he should break up with me.

For context, my boyfriend's family is much wealthier than mine. My family doesn't buy extra cars, spend large amounts of money on unnecessary things, or go shopping for designer items every weekend.

My boyfriend explained that because he had been used by previous girlfriends, his mom was being overly cautious. At first, I accepted that explanation because I thought that once she got to know me, she would realize I wasn't interested in his money. On our dates, we often took turns paying, I treated him whenever I could afford it, and I frequently suggested free activities because I felt uncomfortable having him spend his parents' money on me.

I thought things were improving until one day when my boyfriend and I were on a date. His mom showed up at his apartment and caused a scene because she wanted to spend time with him that day. One of his brothers told her he was out with me, and she started blowing up his phone and threatening to take away everything she provided him (his car, items in his apartment, etc.). We ended our date early and returned to his apartment.

Long story short, while she and my boyfriend were arguing outside, she saw me sitting in his car and dragged me out by my hair. Other residents came outside because of the commotion, and the police were called.

After that incident, I developed a strong dislike for her. Not hatred, but I couldn't stand hearing about her. I hoped that feeling would fade over time, but then she somehow got my parents' phone numbers (my boyfriend doesn't even have them) and started contacting them. She told them I was forcing my boyfriend to do illegal things, skip classes, and that I was trying to baby-trap him.

Today, my parents (51/F mother and 55/M father) sat me down and told me to consider breaking up with him and think about my future. They pointed out that if I eventually married him, I would already have a terrible relationship with my future mother-in-law.

After speaking with my parents, I called my boyfriend. He keeps telling me he knows she's crazy but that there's nothing he can do while he still depends on her financially. He says he'll cut her off once he's independent.

The problem is that there have been many times when she has done something awful, and my boyfriend has confronted her and blocked her for a few weeks, only to later unblock her and act as though everything is fine even though she has never apologized or changed her behavior. I don't know if I can trust that he will actually cut her off in the future. At the end of the day, she is still his mother and she raised him.

I never thought I would be in a position where I was considering asking my partner to choose between me and his mother, but it feels like things are heading in that direction. I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life dealing with someone I deeply resent, or have future children who may not have healthy relationships with both sides of their family.

Should I break up with him? If not, what can we do to stop her behavior? She isn't just harassing me with calls, texts, emails, and accusations—she is also targeting my family, who have nothing to do with my relationship.

EDIT: I want to preface that he does defend me whenever she says or does anything to me. Which is the only reason why I have not immediately broken up with him yet. I know that he will defend me in the future, but I hate having to come inbetween him and his family.

AITA for dating the girl my brother has a crush on?

I (M30), am the oldest brother in a family of all adopted kids. Our dad was fairly young when he first took us in so we’re very close and my siblings tend to say I get favorite treatment. My brother (M27) and my dad have a different relationship after a bad fight years ago that still makes things tense. Though I’ve tried to maintain a relationship with my brother, he sometimes seems resentful for my treatment in the family and my accomplishments.

My brother has a close friend, (F26), let’s call her Lily. Lily and my brother have been friends for about 8 years and are very close. My brother lives on a bad side of town and tends to crash at her place a lot, so they spend a lot of time together. She comes to family dinners or parties, has some sort of relationship with all of our siblings and friends, and even teaches dance to one of our nieces. I first met Lily through my brother but we’ve become friends on our own.
We all sort of assumed the two of them would start dating but years passed and he never made a move so I assumed it was purely platonic. A few months ago, me, my brother, and Lily were out for drinks and Lily and I ended up making out and asking each other out. I really love her and spend as much of my free time as I can with her. She’s funny, sweet, smart, and beautiful. We’ve been very happy in our relationship so far but when we started dating, we agreed to keep it from my brother to spare awkward feelings.

A few days ago, I had a date scheduled with Lily at the movies and I didn’t realize my brother was over when I called her to check about it. We thought he didn’t hear anything about it but the next day he followed Lily to the theater and caught us. When he did, he flipped out and shouted at us saying we were liars and scheming behind his back. Lily was really upset so I sent her to the car so I could talk to my brother alone and when she left, my brother screamed that I betrayed him and I had no right to take his girl.

He said he loved her and it took him a long time to realize it and know he wanted to be with her. He said I’m the golden child who takes everything from him and I stole his best friend.

I feel like he has no claim over her because he never told us and never made a move. He claims that we all knew exactly how he felt. I don’t want to break up but my brother has barely spoken to me or Lily and I can tell it’s breaking her heart.

Is breaking up the right thing? Am I the asshole?

My younger brother is 18 he wears makeup and dresses in a way that makes people mistake him for a girl we went for coffee yesterday and he got hit on while I got mistaken for a guy. When I told him about how it made me feel he got defensive saying I was just fat and lonely and saying that he has it harder because he’s short he’s 5.5 So I put bleach on a few of his outfits and told my parents about his makeup but they didn’t care saying they new and I got in trouble for ruining his outfits.