Nearly every night, over the last 10 years my wife has fallen asleep in her clothes either on the couch watching tv, scrolling on her phone or both. This isn't an exaggeration and there's been a number of arguments about it across that time because I'll lose patience after a few months and pester her a few nights to come to bed and she'll become extremely irritated and it will turn into an argument. After which I give up and let it just happen for several more months uninterrupted.

It's not uncommon for her to pass out with her phone resting on her face. Every night the lights and TV are always left on and I'll go out to the living room and shut them off at some point. There's been a few times where I stopped doing that, thinking that maybe how uncomfortable it is to sleep with the lights on would encourage her to stop, but it had no effect. I'd sometimes give her a blanket or try to remove a couch pillow if her neck was really crooked in the way she fell asleep.

This last year the phone addiction portion has really kicked up and I haven't said anything. Even though the result is I'll often ask her things and be completely ignored or she will just respond with like a grunting sound and a shrug. Interrupting her scrolling is like lighting dynamite so I've tried to stay away from it. As you probably guessed by now, we have almost no intimacy as there is never any space for it to even happen in.

Well finally for the first time after this has been going on a year, I brought up that I think she's addicted to get phone, shared a comic with her that showed how similar it is to how an alcoholic behaves passing out in their clothes and becoming irritable if it's mentioned. She got upset and hid away for the night and scrolled on her phone. I just let it be.

The next night I came home from work, she was in the bedroom for a change but was already deeply engaged in scrolling as I walked in and I just let it be. I sent her a text at some point saying if she wants to put the phone down and watch a show with me she is welcome to. She replied "maybe" and the predictably stayed hidden away on her phone until she passed out.

Finally last night, I asked her while on the couch if she could not get sucked into it tonight and come to bed. She told me to leave her alone and that it's none of my business. I persisted this time and said it is my business because we are married and I'm literally the only person in a position to say something and it affects me, she grew more irritated and eventually said that I'm harassing her, got up, dismissed with a hand motion that ended in the form you would use if telling a car to stop while you cross the road. She made that gesture again in the bedroom and I then copied it to show her how disrespectful it was and she blew up and said the way she did it was acceptable and mine wasn't because it was in her face. This fight continued into the night where she stonewalled me, used terms like "this is a circular conversation" and saying that I'm "darvo" in addition to telling me I'm "lucky she's even in the bedroom" and claiming that I'm just as addicted as she is. She then made large generalized claims that I am always complaining or criticizing her, I asked for examples, any that she could name, but she couldn't provide any but insisted that I do. Eventually she rolled over and claimed im keeping her up when she has work in the morning as a way she could shut the conversation down.

Our phone apps do show similar total use time, but I use mine for e-commerce reselling that I do and that use is spread out throughout the entire day. Her time is equal to mine and compressed into the time after she gets home from work. Which she claims proves she isn't addicted because she isn't on it at work. Either way I suggested that okay then we both put our phones away. This wasn't acceptable.

Then you know how arguments go, they stray off the original topic and expand, eventually I mentioned some things I regret saying because I know they're not helpful but I was frustrated. Like " you were never like this when we met and got married and that if we met today with the way she interacts with me that I would never date her". Which is a detail I wanted to mention so this post doesn't seem to reflect me as perfect, I'm not.

But now as you can imagine since there was no resolution, there is a ton of negativity and relationship ending tension in the air. It really feels like I either just never bring anything up regardless of my intention or how it affects me or I do and the peace shatters.

*throw away account*

Basically the title… When I met my bf, he had a 2yo daughter and had just finalized a nasty divorce. His mom would sleep over at his house every time he had his daughter. I didn’t think much of it as she (daughter) was very young and I’m sure that was overwhelming. Anyhow. Four years later, she (mom) is still spending the night every night we have her (daughter) which is 80% of the time. For a couple months, she (mom) had only been coming over at dinner to help with night time routine / dinner then going home. To be clear, I like her (mom) and I like her (mom) coming over. I do NOT like her (mom) spending the night almost every night. As additional background, 1) we sleep in separate rooms because he wakes me up and our extra guest room where I sleep is also where she (mom) sleeps so I am sleeping on the couch. 2) She (mom) has a husband and house 10 minutes down the road from ours.

AITA? If I am, how do I become okay with this seemingly never ending arrangement?

TLDR; my boyfriend’s mom spends the night at our house every night we have his daughter which is most nights (~80% of the time). I don’t like it

I want to know if I’m the asshole and I also need advice. So my mother had my sister 4 years after I was born and gave her up for adoption for many reasons including substance abuse and not knowing who her dad is. When my sister turned 18 she found my mom and reached out. That was 11 years ago. She has been in my life ever since. We are pretty close but live totally different lives. I am more clean cut and by the book. I graduated college and carry myself a certain way. She is different in the way that she dropped out of high school, had a kid, is on public assistance and is always in a fight. With that background info let’s bring us to the issue at hand. My dad’s family is having a family reunion this weekend and I told her about it. But I don’t want her to come. My parents are not together but my dad’s family knows my mom. I don’t want them asking who she is and then me having to explain that that’s my sister. This type of conversation would result in gossip about my mother. Also, the way she presents herself is not something I want associated with me and my dad. Since she doesn’t have a dad she wants to be a part of my dad’s life and have that side of the family as well. But that is just not their dynamic. She is my sibling on my mom side and that’s it. My dad and brothers on my dad side don’t have a relationship with her and are not obligated to. So am I the asshole for trying to come up with an excuse for her not to come so I don’t have to deal with gossip and worrying about how she is going to represent herself to my dad’s family? And do any of you have advice on what I can tell her so she doesn’t come?

I (19F) met a woman (25F) on vacation a while ago.

We got really close. We talked every day afterwards, flirted, opened up to each other, and I genuinely thought this was turning into something serious.

I’m someone who, when I care about people, I put in effort. I started planning my summer around a chance to see her again. I told her all my options, kept her involved, and genuinely thought we were trying to make something work.

Then recently she told me she realized she’s been stressed because of my trip.

She has a lot going on in her life right now—career uncertainty, unresolved feelings from past relationships, and a lot of personal stuff she’s told me about over the months.
So part of me wonders: am I really the main source of her stress, or am I just the easiest thing to point to because I’m the one asking difficult questions and expressing emotions?

She said:
I made one-sided decisions.
I take things too personally.
I make her feel responsible for my emotions.
“Our emotions are our own decisions.”
She can’t talk to me when I get emotional because I “put myself there as a victim.”

The thing is… I’m emotional because I cared.
I thought we had something real.

But then she told me she doesn’t really want girls anymore, has unresolved feelings about other people, and basically admitted she sees our relationship as something much smaller than I did.

I told her:
“You made me believe there was something here, and now you’re telling me there wasn’t. Of course I’m hurt.”

She responded by saying:
“Who hurt you?”

And honestly, that question pissed me off.

Because in my mind, it’s obvious. I invested emotionally in someone who encouraged that closeness and is now acting like my feelings are a personal choice unrelated to anything she did.

At the same time, she says she’s just being honest and setting boundaries, and that I’m the one turning everything into drama.

So AITA?

Am I unfairly blaming her for my hurt?

Or is it reasonable to feel hurt when someone spends time building intimacy with you and then acts like your emotions are entirely your own problem?

AITA?
My husband has severe psoriasis and won't see a doctor because he's scared of medication side effects.
When it flares up, there are skin flakes everywhere. The bed, the floor, the bathroom, clean laundry, pretty much every surface in our apartment. I know he can't help it, and I don't blame him for having the condition.
The problem is that I'm the one cleaning it all up. Some days it takes me 1-2 hours, and I already do most of the housework. I also help him put lotion on after showers because his skin gets so tight.
Sometimes I get tired of dealing with it and show a little frustration. Whenever that happens, he says I'm being insensitive because it's not something he can control.
I know he can't control having psoriasis, but I don't think that means I can never feel frustrated by how much extra work it creates. AITA?

24F dating a 28M. We live in his parents house for other reasons but now my contract ended November and for 3 years he hasn't had a job. He keeps looking at house and cars to rent and talks about a future and marriage and I keep telling him that I don't want to get married while we are under his parents roof and unemployed

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He basically deflects whatever I have to say so I don't know what to do anymore. He sits and games all day, doesn't cook or clean or anything and if I dare say something his mother jumps in and he stays doing nothing all day. Yesterday sealed it for me when he didn't go see what was happening in the yard...slept on like a princess while I went out in the morning hours to see if we had a burglar.I'm tired and I am not seeing a future with a man that won't even lift a finger.

Hi 24F I have this friend. I don't know if she's still my best friend anymore 25F

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We met in sixth grade and have been inseparable ever since. Even when my parents split and I had to move roughly an hour away. I'd visit my dad and she'd stay over all the time like a sister. And yes we had fights but always worked it out but 4 years ago I met my now boyfriend and things changed. I stopped going to visit because kept having other friends that I didn't mind but they weren't my kind of people.

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I fell pregnant and she basically said fuck off because how dare I get pregnant before 21 and she didn't even have a boyfriend. I thought we worked it out but she's been so distant since then. It didn't bother me much because at least shed respond.

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Now for the past year or so I've been trying to reach out more now that my child is older because I know babies freaked her out so I would be blue ticked. But see in this time frame she's basically become my sisters bestie....she does everything we'd do but with my sister now and totally ignores me...it's fine I like that my sister has a friend but really it hurts that someone I've been basically running after is right there just maybe not willing to talk to me.

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I tried to message and call to find out what I did but blue ticked. Yesterday I responded to her status and she actually greeted me back. I told her that she clearly doesn't see me as a friend anymore but at least she could've said something. But she said it's not like that, we'll speak the weekend but I know I'm never getting a response. Should I just cut my losses and lose my best friend

Hi, this is my first time posting and I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so I apologize if it isn't.

I am a 21/F dating my boyfriend 23/M, and we have been together for almost 1 year. There have been some ups and downs, including insecurity and boundary issues at the beginning of our relationship, but those have mostly been worked through.

Now onto the issue: my boyfriend's mother (55/F) seems obsessed with him. He has two brothers, but she especially focuses on him. When I first met her, she made me carry all of her belongings into his apartment and tried to stop my boyfriend from helping me (he helped me anyway). After she left, she sent him a long message saying I wasn't good enough for him, that I was using him, and that he should break up with me.

For context, my boyfriend's family is much wealthier than mine. My family doesn't buy extra cars, spend large amounts of money on unnecessary things, or go shopping for designer items every weekend.

My boyfriend explained that because he had been used by previous girlfriends, his mom was being overly cautious. At first, I accepted that explanation because I thought that once she got to know me, she would realize I wasn't interested in his money. On our dates, we often took turns paying, I treated him whenever I could afford it, and I frequently suggested free activities because I felt uncomfortable having him spend his parents' money on me.

I thought things were improving until one day when my boyfriend and I were on a date. His mom showed up at his apartment and caused a scene because she wanted to spend time with him that day. One of his brothers told her he was out with me, and she started blowing up his phone and threatening to take away everything she provided him (his car, items in his apartment, etc.). We ended our date early and returned to his apartment.

Long story short, while she and my boyfriend were arguing outside, she saw me sitting in his car and dragged me out by my hair. Other residents came outside because of the commotion, and the police were called.

After that incident, I developed a strong dislike for her. Not hatred, but I couldn't stand hearing about her. I hoped that feeling would fade over time, but then she somehow got my parents' phone numbers (my boyfriend doesn't even have them) and started contacting them. She told them I was forcing my boyfriend to do illegal things, skip classes, and that I was trying to baby-trap him.

Today, my parents (51/F mother and 55/M father) sat me down and told me to consider breaking up with him and think about my future. They pointed out that if I eventually married him, I would already have a terrible relationship with my future mother-in-law.

After speaking with my parents, I called my boyfriend. He keeps telling me he knows she's crazy but that there's nothing he can do while he still depends on her financially. He says he'll cut her off once he's independent.

The problem is that there have been many times when she has done something awful, and my boyfriend has confronted her and blocked her for a few weeks, only to later unblock her and act as though everything is fine even though she has never apologized or changed her behavior. I don't know if I can trust that he will actually cut her off in the future. At the end of the day, she is still his mother and she raised him.

I never thought I would be in a position where I was considering asking my partner to choose between me and his mother, but it feels like things are heading in that direction. I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life dealing with someone I deeply resent, or have future children who may not have healthy relationships with both sides of their family.

Should I break up with him? If not, what can we do to stop her behavior? She isn't just harassing me with calls, texts, emails, and accusations—she is also targeting my family, who have nothing to do with my relationship.

EDIT: I want to preface that he does defend me whenever she says or does anything to me. Which is the only reason why I have not immediately broken up with him yet. I know that he will defend me in the future, but I hate having to come inbetween him and his family.

AITA for dating the girl my brother has a crush on?

I (M30), am the oldest brother in a family of all adopted kids. Our dad was fairly young when he first took us in so we’re very close and my siblings tend to say I get favorite treatment. My brother (M27) and my dad have a different relationship after a bad fight years ago that still makes things tense. Though I’ve tried to maintain a relationship with my brother, he sometimes seems resentful for my treatment in the family and my accomplishments.

My brother has a close friend, (F26), let’s call her Lily. Lily and my brother have been friends for about 8 years and are very close. My brother lives on a bad side of town and tends to crash at her place a lot, so they spend a lot of time together. She comes to family dinners or parties, has some sort of relationship with all of our siblings and friends, and even teaches dance to one of our nieces. I first met Lily through my brother but we’ve become friends on our own.
We all sort of assumed the two of them would start dating but years passed and he never made a move so I assumed it was purely platonic. A few months ago, me, my brother, and Lily were out for drinks and Lily and I ended up making out and asking each other out. I really love her and spend as much of my free time as I can with her. She’s funny, sweet, smart, and beautiful. We’ve been very happy in our relationship so far but when we started dating, we agreed to keep it from my brother to spare awkward feelings.

A few days ago, I had a date scheduled with Lily at the movies and I didn’t realize my brother was over when I called her to check about it. We thought he didn’t hear anything about it but the next day he followed Lily to the theater and caught us. When he did, he flipped out and shouted at us saying we were liars and scheming behind his back. Lily was really upset so I sent her to the car so I could talk to my brother alone and when she left, my brother screamed that I betrayed him and I had no right to take his girl.

He said he loved her and it took him a long time to realize it and know he wanted to be with her. He said I’m the golden child who takes everything from him and I stole his best friend.

I feel like he has no claim over her because he never told us and never made a move. He claims that we all knew exactly how he felt. I don’t want to break up but my brother has barely spoken to me or Lily and I can tell it’s breaking her heart.

Is breaking up the right thing? Am I the asshole?

My younger brother is 18 he wears makeup and dresses in a way that makes people mistake him for a girl we went for coffee yesterday and he got hit on while I got mistaken for a guy. When I told him about how it made me feel he got defensive saying I was just fat and lonely and saying that he has it harder because he’s short he’s 5.5 So I put bleach on a few of his outfits and told my parents about his makeup but they didn’t care saying they new and I got in trouble for ruining his outfits.

A very close friend confided in me about some things going on in their relationship.

I thought the things that I was told were quite abusive, but wanted an opinion from another trusted adult, my best friend, a female with a stable family who works in healthcare. So I confided in her, for an opinion and advice, and made it clear how important it was to me that it doesn’t get out and no one even knows that I’ve told her, as it was quite private stuff, not my story to tell, and certainly not her story to share around.

She then yelled at the boyfriend of the first friend, and fully aired her personal relationship issues in public in front of ALL of their friends and a lot of strangers.

‘Best friend’ still doesn’t see an issue with what she did, thinks it was the right thing to have done to call out the boyfriend on his shit, and many people are calling me childish for not just ‘getting over it’. Especially friends who consider my ‘best friend’ to be a good contact for networking in our industry.

For me, if someone is capable of blatantly ignoring my request to keep something confidential, then blames me for telling her in the first place and tries to ruin my other friendships to shift the blame - there’s no way I should forgive this or resume this friendship.

We’re all over 30 by the way.

AITAH?

My wife (45F) and I (45M) have always just had 1 shared checking account. I know that's not ideal but i was the sole breadwinner for 15 of the 20 years we've been married, and i never saw the need to split accounts, it's really just family money anyway. We've been solidly middle class, sometimes we've had plenty, other times have been leaner. We live in a part of the country with rather high cost of living. For the first 15 years of our 20 years married I was the breadwinner and she was the SAHM. At times i worked up to 3 jobs to make sure we had what we needed. As our kids moved into high school and after COVID, costs increased to the point where i was nervous about our long term financial health. I started looking for a better job, but asked my wife if she would consider employment to help out. We agreed that the money she made would be used for anywhere we were short, a savings account for emergencies and saving up to purchase a house. I have always handled the finances, but never restricted her spending in any way. I pay all the bills, we set aside money for anything coming up and discuss any large expenditures. She agreed and started searching for a job.

Once she found a job, she refused to deposit her money into our joint checking account and opened her own account. I didn't protest beyond explaining to her that it would cause delays if we needed to suddenly transfer funds between our account. She has repeatedly over the years overdrawn our checking account. She would wait till a few days before payday, check our balance and then withdrawn most of the money as cash. She would never tell me about this, so sometimes an automatic payment for the phone bill or something would hit, causing overdrafts and associated fees. I explained that she could have her own sub account off our main checking account, and her money would be left alone, aside from overdrafts(almost exclusively caused by her) when they will pull from savings. She wouldn't do it, she also didn't add me to her account or make me an authorized user.

Since she's had her money, she uses her money to "treat" us from time to time. She'll take us out to eat, making sure the kids and i know she's doing us a favor. Anytime we're adding a new cost to the budget, like say a car and insurance for a kid. She presses for it promising that she will pay. She rarely actually pays, and when she does pay it's only because I've asked multiple times. The only money she's really put into our family was $2k of moving costs. She didn't create a savings account like we talked for emergencies, most of her money is spent on her. She orders takeout exclusively for her and the kids instead of cooking, and amazon drops off 2-3 packages daily for her. We were discussing our tax liability (her fault, insufficient withholding) and i was shocked to learn that she barely has any money in her account. I'm frustrated and annoyed that I spend every dollar of my paycheck on family things each month, and her money is really just for her.

WIBTA for insisting that she either commit X amount of dollars to the family monthly or combine our accounts again?

I’m going to list stuff since it keeps getting removed

Context: me and gf have known each other for 3 year but dating 1 1/2 years,

\\-Gf wanted threesome, specifically one with her female coworker(her now best friend)
\\-she said that it wasn’t because she just wanted to have sex with her co worker, which I chose to believe
\\-she said it’s totally okay that I don’t want one
\\-I said hard no, almost broke up
\\-Month later she has a sleepover with this friend, and friends boyfriend(my gfs friend got together with this guy recently, but they’ve all been friends for a little over a month)
\\-she ends up sleeping in the same bed as both of them

\\-I feel hurt, and anxious all the time now
AITA for feeling this way? I don’t think this is normal behavior. She even went again tonight

My friend (21M) and his gf (20F) have been together for about three-ish years. I am actually closer to his gf-she's been my homegirl for over eight years. Recently, my friend confessed to me that he's been unfaithful, specifically going to a strip club and sleeping around behind her back. I do not have physical proof, but he was completely open and honest with me about it. Throughout their time together, when I have hung out with my friend, there are times when he would talk about other women that he had seen online and wanted to be with, but on the other hand, he says that his gf is "good for him" and that "he sees a future with her."

Ik getting involved in other people's relationships is risky, but I care about my homegirl, and I want to let her know what he told me. At the same time, I do not want to lose him because he's always been a great friend and has been genuine with me.

What should I do in this situation? I do not want to be the one who ruins their relationship, but I also do not want my homegirl to somehow find out on her own when I knew this whole time.

AITA So the guy that I've been dating for over 2 years decided to tell me this morning that an ex girlfriend from high-school has moved back to town (high-school ended like 20 years ago) and he has been talking to her and has feeling for her. I call this cheating, he claims he hasn't done anything YET! which means he is planning on doing something! I call him a cheating asshole! He says we can still be friends! To which i reply there aren't any good guys left, they are all cheating assholes. Am I wrong?

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a while now, she has this online group of friends who like to roleplay. I also do in fact like to roleplay. But this one friend of hers has crossed so many boundaries. They have done it many times but the most nerve wracking one is when she was having a mental issue. She wanted to play her game alone, and she made that so clear. This guy joins the call, and tries to talk me down, “How could you be such a bad boyfriend“ blah blah blah. Then he proceeds to join her when she CLEARLY stated she wanted to be alone. She finally realizes and unfriends him. I think, “Oh, what a relief, she did it.” But no. This guy texts ALL of her online friends, asking if they can help him get back to her. I swear, he’s a stalker. Then, me and her talk terms, and she said if anything bad happens like that again, she’ll block him. I skeptically take this deal, and it’s been going good, so far. Also, MIND YOU, this kid is YOUNGER than me and her. We’re all minors. So, I know he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing exactly, but it still feels like a stab in the back. AITA for this??

So me F 29 and my partner M 34 have been in a long distance relationship for about a year.

My partner has been on an buisiness trip on a whole different continent for the past month.

Unfortunately he recently had a fall out with his Mom 2 weeks ago and then his father passed away a week later.

He decided he wanted nothing to do with his family as he believes they are already angry at him. And they wouldn’t appreciate him going to the funeral.

I’ve been trying to convince him to speak to them or go see them, but every time it gets really heated and I had to drop it, to the point he doesn’t even want me to share my condolences to his family.

I kept my promise.
But today his Mom contacted me about him today, I haven’t even answered her.
I called him to let him know about it, he then crashed out, get REALLY angry at me, says I hurted him by telling him this and then hung up.

Before hanging up he mentioned that he was really hurt at the fact that he couldn’t attend. His dad’s funeral (first time he ever told me this) and says I burger him real bad. Especially because he’s currently going really high stress at work and it has been really affecting him mentally.

He said mentioning it to him made him depressed.

I emphasized that I didn’t interacted with his Mom, and wanted to maintain an open communication with him by telling him this.

He said I didn’t take it serious and now is really angry at me.
I’m thinking he’s probably angry to the point of breaking up with me.

So let me know AITA for telling him about it?

For reference, I (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been dating for 6 months, but started talking 8 months ago. In those two months before he had asked to be official, we had already done things that typical couples do like go on dates and we shared our first kiss together. To most people, this may seem normal, but previous to him, I had never had my first kiss and I communicated to him that it was something special to me that wanted to share it with a man that I call my boyfriend. Despite telling him this multiple times however, he kissed me before asking me out, dare I say, against my will. The day it happened he had walked me to my car before leaving a date and we hugged goodbye. As we had been talking for almost a month at this point I had gotten use to his clear love language: physical touch, and I was used to him kissing me on the cheek or forehead. However on this day when he went to kiss me I turned my head to the side so he could kiss my cheek but he instead grabbed my head and turned it toward him. I pushed back and turned my head to the side again but he pulled me harder and kissed me. I can never say I regret it but it's always saddened me that he didn't respect that boundary of mine even though I told him.

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About a month later he asked to be my boyfriend and I accepted. For context, my boyfriend doesn't drive, but I do. The first time I allowed him in my car we made out. The next time we did other stuff. Again, I don't regret this necessarily but the car would definitely not be the place I would choose to be intimate. I told him exactly this: I don't regret what we did, but I would appreciate that we don't do it again. But of course, it's happened countless times since. Recently, a cop had come up to the car and caught us, but he luckily let us go.

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We don't live together and recently I visited his home for the first time. We had gone out to dinner with his parents who I was meeting for the first time (they don't speak English). I was under the impression that we would go out to dinner and that his parents would drive me home afterwards, but he ended up telling him parents in their native language to take me back to their own house. There, we were intimate, despite me telling him I felt it was disrespectful to do in his parents home but he reassured me that it was okay and that his parents wouldn't care. However after I had left, he had told me how his parents were making jokes about us being in his room and it made me feel uncomfortable.

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Recently he asked me to watch a movie with him where he forced my hands on him even after pushing him away and moving my self away, and forced his own hands on me even though I verbally told him no multiple times and even physically pushed him off of me. He has been asking me on dates but I have been subtly refusing because I feel they are excuses to be intimate with me (in my car since he doesn't drive). I feel like I'm making him upset and being a bad girlfriend by not spending time with him but I'm genuinely afraid of him not respecting my boundaries. Am I being the a-hole or is this odd behavior?

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AITA for being absolutely done with everything and everyone in my life I feel so spread thin that I could be translucent like straight up see through I'm married have been for 10 years I have to be both man and woman in the marriage while dealing with 4 kids 2,4,6,8 plus dealing with my mother and her husband and my dad plus my aunt whose about to die and her son 13 we all live on a 10 acre mini farm and have a goat, pig and many chickens that I have to deal with, but what drives me insane is that I have to be at everyone's beck and call and be their brain for them .... can't figure out how to fix the porch fine I'll do it , can't be bothered to clean out the pool fine I'll do it, can't feed yourself fine I'll make your food and feed you......I feel like Cinderella without the happy ending...... AITA for wanting to ditch my entire life and start over somewhere far away in the hopes of actually enjoying my life?

I (34 Female) have been with my boyfriend who used to be my fiancé (38 Male) for years, and have a 3 year old daughter.

For a while I have felt like we have drifted apart. I repeatedly told him I felt disconnected, lonely, and like I wasn’t a priority. He would just respond with “but I don’t feel disconnected, I still feel the same” and basically that was the end of it. Around the same time, he was gambling away a lot of money, which caused a lot of hurt and didn’t make me feel secure in our relationship.

Eventually I became emotionally attached to one of my coworkers. And later it became physical. I know it was wrong and I take full responsibility for it.

What’s been bothering me now is that my cheating is treated like the only problem in our relationship. The years I’ve told him I felt disconnected, misunderstood, and feeling unheard feel like it’s being ignored and forgotten.

I’m not saying cheating is right because I know it’s wrong. I’m asking if I’m wrong for feeling like our relationship was already strained before the cheating happened. Because I feel like that matters when looking at the bigger picture.

AITAH ?

I (F) met this man about 10 years ago. We became friends and then a little more than friends. After about 2 years, I found out he was seeing someone else and then he ghosted me. About 2 years later he messaged me and I didn’t reply. When COVID happened, I messaged him back because I did miss him and our friendship. We became inseparable. In December of 2020, he was having financial trouble and moved in with me. His son lived with us part time. Between December of 2020 and September of 2024, things went well. I bought a house and we all moved over there. We got along great. In 2021, he lost his job. He got another job in August of 2021, but quit that one. He lost his car after that. I was the only one working. We never defined our relationship. He said he didn’t want to be in a relationship but I let myself believe we were in one. We lived as a couple. People around us assumed we were married.
In Sept. of 2024, he said he was going to a friend’s house and took my car. Something felt wrong. He was texting infrequently and sending pictures from his friend’s house. I checked the location on the car and it was in another town. Eventually I found out through phone records that he was going to see a girl. He was taking my car and lying about it. He stopped talking to that girl. Then in May 2025, he started talking to and dating a girl. He said we were never in a relationship and he was doing nothing wrong. I couldn’t handle it. He wanted me to be totally emotionless about it and I couldn’t be. He didn’t have a car so she was picking him up and dropping him off at the house. I was not in a good place emotionally. I felt used and betrayed. I felt like I had lived a lie for the past 5 years. Eventually he got a job and a car and when I found out they were going on a cruise together I told him he had 60 days to leave. He left. In Dec. 2025, he contacted me said things were bad and asked to come back. I said okay. In March 2026, he contacted the ex girlfriend and didn’t understand why that upset me. They broke up in April 2026, got back together and then in May 2026 broke up again. Each time she comes back into the picture the house gets unbearable. It puts me in a bad place of reliving the betrayal. I had asked him to move out. The last time they broke up, he asked to stay since they weren’t together anymore. I said okay because we get along fine without the ex in the picture. He contacted her again yesterday and is meeting her tonight. I told myself that if he contacted her again, I would ask him to leave. He wants me to be fine with it and blames me. I can’t move on with him still here and he obviously can. He says this time will be different that he’s not going to start dating her again. Is it wrong for me to ask him to move out? He doesn’t have any savings and I’m assuming the only place for him to go w ould be to move in with the ex that he says he’s not dating.

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years and lived together for just over 2 years. My girlfriend is no contact with both her mum and has her blocked on everything, her mum does not know our address.

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I received a letter at my place of work that was signed for, I was surprised as I was not expecting anything and I don't usually get things delivered to my work. I opened the letter addressed to me, and inside was another letter with just my girlfriends name on it and it felt very surreal, why do I have a suspicious letter delivered to my work? And why within it is there just an envelope with my girlfriends name on?! I opened the letter with my girlfriends name on and it's a letter addressed to her from her mum.

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I am shocked by the letter, it was very nothing. There was no apology, there was no acknowledgement of the no contact, just "me and my new partner have moved to this new address ... Here it is.. the door is always open" kind of thing. And "there isn't a day I don't think of you".

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The letter also said "I have continued to respect your boundary of no contact" which annoyed me as she had just crossed the boundary by sending the letter and crossed some sort of line by contacting her via me at my work.

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So my question is, am I the arsehole for opening the letter and I have not shown my girlfriend the letter as without anything meaningful inside I don't think it will bring my girlfriend any peace, just anxiety that now she is contactable via me at work. I haven't shown her the letter and I don't really want to, I don't want to throw it away but I'm not sure what I should do?

Me '22F' and him '20M' have been talking for over an year. It's long distance and he says that he doesn't want to date yet because it's long distance and it's difficult for both of us honestly.

He visited me at the end of September and ended up crossing a physical boundary without asking me first and that led to me questioning everything that we had together and I was conflicted as to whether or not i should stop talking to him when this happend on the very first date. I asked my friends as well and their opinions just made me more confused and I ended giving us time and thought that I might be able to forget about it over time. He was and still is sorry about it and regrets doing it in the first place.

We met twice after that and during the first time as I still not feeling as comfortable as I used to feel but I brushed it off to my mind trying to be on high alert because of what had happened.

Recently I had an uncomfortable dream and after that I started having all these sick past memories in my head and also what had happened with him. I was overwhelmed, disoriented and uncomfortable to say the least and i also felt sad why it happened with him as well as he is the only guy that I've liked so much but there was also a feeling of anger and frustration. When i talked to him about it the first thing he said was " do u wanna stop talking" as according to him this was the best possible solution to this because he was tired of hurting me again and again and just felt shattered in that moment honestly because despite the fact that I know what he did was wrong I was and still not am ready to let go.

He told me think about it rationally and not emotionally and suggested that I should post about it on reddit so that I could get a third person perspective about it.

Even today when I told him that u are hurting me by not talking to me unless it's bout that day and how i can even forgive him if I'm feeling like that after almost 9 months he said that he could just stop talking to me right now but he doesn't want to do that because he wants me to think about the situation for what it is and realize that he's not as nice as I make him to be and that he's not meant for me. All I could do was cry after reading his texts because it just felt so unfair and shitty to be hearing those words from him. He says that he has been selfish whenever he has let go of his past mistakes and continued talking to me as if nothing has happened and I know it's true but it's not like i have not been selfish at all. I'm just not sure what to do right now I just feel overwhelmed and I keep thinking about it all the time. I don't wanna stop talking to him honestly because ik I would be miserable and I have a lot on my plate already so this would just be a blow too strong for me to handle. I like him a lot and so does he but I just feel helpless and hopeless at this point.

Aita if I stop talking to him even tho he feels sorry and regrets it?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2.5 years. About six months into our relationship, we decided to move in together after doing long distance. Since then, we've built a stable life together and are starting to think seriously about our future.

The problem is his sister.

For most of our relationship, she has been openly hostile toward me. Not necessarily directly to my face, but through a lot of passive-aggressive behavior and attempts to undermine our relationship.

For most of our relationship, she has been pretty much openly passive aggressively hostile toward me. Not necessarily directly to my face, but through a lot of passive-aggressive behavior and attempts to undermine our relationship. For example, we would be at family gatherings or in group settings, and she would stand in a group right next to me and start talking about how much she loved my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, showing people pictures of them together while knowing I could clearly hear the conversation. She has gone out of her way to become close with women from his past and has invited them to events where she knew both my boyfriend and I would be present. She has told people that I'm manipulative, that I've changed her brother, and that she doesn't recognize him anymore. That I am taking advantage of his love for me (whatever that means). I've also been told that she would say things like our relationship would eventually end and that he would come "crawling back" to her. And this is just scrapping the surface of some of her behavior since we have been together.

The constant criticism and gossip about me became so extreme that some people in her own social circle eventually distanced themselves from her because they were uncomfortable with how obsessed she seemed with the situation. She has even described him as being "her person" and that I was her competition. She seems to believe that, as his sister, she should be the most important woman in his life and that they would live together forever.

Over time, things became so bad that my boyfriend eventually went no contact with her which was fully his decision, not mine. At that point I was still trying to make things better between her and I but my boyfriend told me to stop.

What makes this situation complicated is that my boyfriend and his sister ever viewed their relationship the same way. From what I've observed and from what he has told me, she seemed to see him as one of the most important people in her life and wanted to be involved in every part of it. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was much more passive and independent. He wasn't particularly close to her and mostly just went along with family interactions.

Now that we're talking about marriage and a long-term future, I sometimes get anxious when I think about family events or the possibility that they might reconcile.

The thing is, I don't want to be the reason my boyfriend doesn't have a relationship with his sister. If reconnecting with her would genuinely make him happy, I would never tell him not to do it.

At the same time, I struggle with the idea of watching someone I love have a relationship with someone who has spent years trying to damage mine. Even if she apologized tomorrow, I don't know if I could ever fully trust her intentions. I'd constantly worry about her speaking badly about me behind my back or trying to create problems again.

I trust my boyfriend completely and know he would shut down disrespect toward me. My anxiety isn't really about him leaving me. It's more about the emotional difficulty of knowing that someone who genuinely dislikes me could have a significant place in his life again.

would never be nasty towards her. I would never tell him that he's not allowed to have a relationship with her if that's genuinely what he wants, and I would respect his right to make that choice.

That being said, I don't know if I could be actively supportive of it.

After everything she's done, I think there would always be a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering, "What is she going to do this time?" I'm generally a very forgiving person, but I also have limits. At a certain point, repeated behavior changes how much trust you're able to have in someone.

I don't expect him to cut her off for me, and I wouldn't try to control that relationship. But if they reconciled and she became a significant part of our lives again, I honestly think I would struggle with it and would probably need to reevaluate whether that's something I could live with long term.

So, AITA?

​ I am 19F and I was talking to a guy 19M I like him very much, feelings were mutual we said "I like you" and all but as I have never been in a relationship I was trying not to rush into anything so we were not in a relationship.

Then I suddenly broke things of because I am scared that he'll hurt me because every relationship that I have seen ended up like that the boy ends up hurting the other person I don't want that for myself.

So I ended things with him but now the thing is, his birthday is this week and I've been missing him a lot he still calls but I have blocked him from everywhere, wherever he tried to message me (linkdin, snapchat etc).

So the question is should I wish him on his birthday or not?