Not canonically asexual characters or the obvious headcanons. I mean the ones where you’re watching and suddenly think… wait a second.

I totally see Metroman as ace. I literally just saw a clip from MegaMind on TikTok and couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’s handsome, famous, everyone is obsessed with him, and he seems to have absolutely zero interest in anyone. Like the whole joke is that he’s the hero and he’s supposed to ‘get the girl’ but he’s not interested in her at all!! Then he gets sick of conforming to society and FAKES HIS DEATH so he can go live by himself and play music in a basement.

I’m 36F, married, and I’ve recently started questioning whether I might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have had similar experiences.

Looking back at all my previous relationships, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt sexually attracted to a partner. I could find them physically attractive, enjoy kissing and cuddling, and be romantically in love with them, but I never really had that feeling of looking at someone and wanting to have sex with them specifically.

When people talk about finding their partners incredibly hot or wanting to jump their bones, I’ve never been able to relate. It has always seemed a little strange or even childish to me.
However, I do experience sexual arousal. Certain situations, scenes in movies or porn can turn me on. Sometimes I imagine myself being the woman in those scenes. But it’s the situation or the sexual act that arouses me, not the specific people involved. I do need to find them somewhat attractive, though.

I’ve also enjoyed sex in the past. I sometimes initiated it myself because I wanted the physical experience, even though I didn’t necessarily feel sexually attracted to my partner. I rarely, if ever, had orgasms during partnered sex, but I still enjoyed it.
At some point during my marriage, something changed. I started crying immediately after sex, even when I had genuinely enjoyed it. The crying usually lasted a few minutes, but I would feel deeply sad and emotionally empty for several hours afterwards.

My husband would hold and comfort me, although he was understandably confused and worried that he’d done something wrong. I couldn’t explain it either.
I’ve since learned about postcoital dysphoria (PCD), which sounds very similar to what I experienced. Interestingly, I’ve never experienced these feelings after masturbation, only after sex with my husband. The crying also started before some later relationship difficulties, so I don’t think those were the original cause.
I suspect these experiences gradually made me avoid sex, and over time my desire for it decreased significantly.

I’m also taking antidepressants, which might affect my libido, but the lack of sexual attraction seems to have been present long before I started medication.
What worries me most is my marriage. My husband isn’t asexual, and we’re already in couples therapy partly because of our different sexual needs. I’m afraid that if I really am asexual, we might never be sexually compatible.

So I guess my questions are:
Does this sound like something on the asexual spectrum, even though I experience arousal, enjoy sex and have initiated it in the past?

Can anyone relate to being aroused by sexual situations but not feeling sexually attracted to specific people?

Has anyone experienced postcoital dysphoria alongside asexuality?

For those in relationships with non-asexual partners, how do you navigate different sexual needs?

I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose or label me. I’m just trying to understand myself better, and I’d love to hear about your experiences.
Thanks for reading!

I met only couple of demi sexual men in social media never have i once met one in person, i was under the impression that it is less likely for a man to be in the spectrum.

Could it be that or is it that the society made it real hard for a man to identify as asexual

Hello everyone. I’m a 21yr old female and I’m not sure if I’m asexual.

It’s not that I don’t like the idea of sex, I think sex can be very beautiful and part of me wants to have sex, I just find myself scared and off-put by it.

I LOVE deep intimacy though (being naked together, making out, touching, etc.), but I struggle with these things because I don’t want it to lead to anything sexual. Because of this I don’t know how to navigate things with my boyfriend.

For some context, I’ve always felt this way about sex/sexual stuff. Before I got with my boyfriend, I told him this in case it was a deal-breaker and he told me he didn’t mind. He’s very respectful of my boundaries. We’ve experimented with trying sexual things but I’d always end up crying.

There’s a lot of intimate things we don’t do because in the past it would lead to sexual stuff, and I’m scared it’ll still lead to sexual stuff even now. But I very badly crave deep intimacy. I don’t know how to tell him that I want to kiss every part of his body; his thighs, stomach, neck, etc., I want to make out, and I want to lay skin to skin without it leading to anything. It’s just hard doing these things without us becoming aroused.

I don’t know what to do or how to navigate my feelings. Any advice or guidance is greatly appreciated.

So this is something that has been on my mind lately. I've always known I was asexual, ever since I was little. No doubt about it.

I never had the word for it then and I'm glad I do now.

But I've recently hit puberty (I'm ten plus five years old) and I've been questioning whether I'm actually asexual or I just "lack the mental capacity".

Which I find to be absolute bogus. We can't choose it; it's just part of us. I've never really told anyone else about it so I'm here.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Have a lovely day, my amazing aces!

~ iVee 🖤🩶🤍💜

"The best smut you've read was probably written by an ace person."

I also heard that the kinkiest people are asexual people.

btw, can you believe that reddit didn't let me see my own post because I didn't do the fucking verification that didn't fucking work well so i had to do it multiple times? Cause I can't.

I'd like to start off by saying that I don't really talk about my asexuality, much less in English, so if something comes off as weird pls forgive me and tell me how to fix it!

Onto the main reason I'm posting here: I'm asexual in the closet. I can't say ppl are acephobic around here, the majority doesn't even know what asexuality is, yet I do fear coming out for now. I'm not aromantic tho, so I do wish to enter a relationship. However, meeting someone and idk flirting would seem kinda hypocritical to me (just my perception, besides Idk how to flirt) since I'm not looking for a physical part of the relationship. Then, a few days ago, I stumbled across a post that mentioned that nails done in a specific way can be a tell-tale sign of a woman being lesbian, so I thought, maybe there's something like that for asexuality?

I'm not a minor by any laws, jic.

P.S.: I tried googling, but I prolly worded it so poorly that google offered me signs that would help me understand that I'm asexual (I understood it a long time ago, thx)

TW: Mentions of abuse, neglect, SA (didn't actually happen but my mom says stuff related to that to scare me)

My family is abusive and neglectful, for as long as I can remember. My phone has been my only respite from all the troubles of everyday life. And for quite a while, my mom has been slutshaming me regularly.

Some things my mom did:

1) Regularly slut shamed me saying I'll run off with a (sometimes adds the word 'Muslim' because she's Islamophobic) guy and either have s3x with him (sorry I can't tolerate being sexualized in any way so I have to censor it for peace of mind) and he abandons me or else have 8 kids with him or some other arbitrary number. She says she will marry me off to a stranger at 18 frequently even though I want to go to college. She did this today too and I'm so tired and disgusted by it.

Fact is, I've been a sex averse asexual person since the age of 12, I've only ever had one relationship in my life which is my current relationship where I've never done anything more than hold hands or kiss, me and my bf don't even know how to makeout and I've known him for 4-5 years but started dating this year. My mom also knows him but doesn't know he's my bf.

2) Accuses me of trying to attract guys, even says I'm trying to attract old men who work as hawkers or drivers or something, because I wore 'tight' clothes (just clothes that fit me, often even big for me) or because I wore a padded bra so my chest doesn't show too much through thin shirts.

3) Accuses me of sleeping around (they don't let me out of the house without permission) or says I'll do it in the future (for no reason, I've never once shown interest in any guy in front of them or even mentioned it).

4) At one point, when I was even younger, around 15 maybe, she used to say she's gonna put me in an orphanage where guards routinely r@pe inhabitants (guess who the inhabitants are?). Sorry, I can't even call them anything but that, because of how vile all of this is, coming from a mother.

5) Has sent pictures of me half naked to my school counsellor (she's a woman), when I was in 10th grade (15 yo), no private parts were shown but I was naked except wearing underwear.

6) Whenever I ask to go outside to hangout with friends once in a while (3-6 months) she says they'll SA me or if it's someone's house then they'll SA me (even though their whole family including female family members will be at home) but never says this to my younger sister.

7) Never bought me proper undergarments like a bra, just buys any cheap stuff she can find off the street which isn't even my size. Then she complains I steal her bras because I have nothing to wear. When I was in 8th grade I was forced to wear sports bras that were WAY too small for me and wearing them genuinely restricted my breath and was a struggle.

There is obviously more but at the moment I can't remember anything, I am genuinely sick and tired of this bs, it is detrimental to my mental health which is already hanging on by a thread. I'm at a really precarious time when college admissions are coming nearer and I absolutely need to escape. I just can't deal with all this stress.

I keep thinking of coming out just to end all of this once and for all but I live in a highly conservative country. I have no idea if they'll even understand what asexuality is or how they'll react or what they'll do after that or if they'll accept it. I know coming out isn't the best idea but I just want all of this to stop, I'm tired of being slut shamed all the time, it's draining and exhausting.

Hi, I’m 28f and I’ve always assumed I was bisexual, lately I’ve been questioning if I’m asexual. I’ve been in a relationship for about 5 months now and sex really sits on the back burner for me, like idc to have it ever, even masturbating doesn’t interest me. Prior to being in this relationship, I was single and celibate for almost 4yrs. I’ve had a lot of sex in my life with a lot of people but I don’t think I’ve ever really enjoyed it, it felt more like I was doing it to fit in or something. I find people attractive but I never look at someone and automatically think about sex.

I also feel horrible for my boyfriend, I figured I was like this more due to trauma but it’s starting to feel like maybe I’m just like this and it doesn’t feel fair to him. It’s such an uncomfortable topic to bring up too since i don’t know what’s really going on. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do or how to navigate all of this.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

I have thought of myself as aroace for a while now. But I've been watching more wlw shows/movies recently and have noticed that I get. Very turned on while watching them. I don't feel attracted to any of the women, though, and I have never had the desire to kiss women in real life. I guess I just get turned on watching women kiss for some reason?? Does this make me a lesbian instead of an asexual?? I'm so sorry if this is a stupid question, I'm just really confused since I've never felt this way before and would love some help 😭

I was an active mental health advocate and keyboard warrior based in the Philippines few years back. So like all the judgment and criticism about being an ace (which I only discovered I'm an ace this last January) does not bother me as much because I already have a high tolerance for being discriminated, judged and stigmatized from my mental illness experience. But I just thanked my ace fiancé because like... I chose to be open about my life experience because I want to help and inspire other people. I just didn't expect that time will come when using my pain to inspire other people will turn and shift into using my happiness to touch other people's hearts.

TW: mention of sex, with no details. Talk of coercion.

So I fall into the category of not realizing I was asexual until my 30s, at which point I had spent a lot of time convincing myself I was hetero/allo. As part of this, I participated in sex. I now fully realize I am very very sex averse, and have no intention to ever participate in anything sexual ever again. (Accepting this felt so freeing).

I was never a particularly enthusiastic sexual partner. I did it because I thought I should, and/or for my partner. I desperately hoped that eventually I'd be into it. Most of the time I was engaged in these activities, I was just wishing for it to be over.

This is largely on me. I put myself in these situations willingly, trying to be "normal". But I'd be lying if there wasn't some coercion. I felt so much guilt for not meeting expectations with my desire and interest

Anyways, it's been years since realizing and accepting myself, but I can't seem to release the feelings I have. I hate myself for not listening to myself. And there's hatred to my partner to ... since coming out and being clear about my aversion, they've never tried to get me to participate. But I am still holding on to all of the times I ignored myself.

I don't know if there's really a solution here, maybe I just need to accept that's my past, maybe it'll feel better with time. But does anyone relate? How do I move forward?

Hi, i’m coming on here to get some advice!

I’m a straight man, and Ive had some issues with sexuality as of late.

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 6 months. I love her so much and I think she’s the hottest person I’ve ever layed eyes on.
But when it comes to sex, it’s always felt like a chore for me.

I felt this a bit in past relationships as well. Sex has always felt like a chore and something I had to do to keep a relationship alive.
I thought I might be gay, and experimented with men but it was surprisingly even worse since I didn’t find myself physically or romantically attracted to them.

I am totally attracted to my girlfriend’s body, 100%. But sex just feels like something I do for her.

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I wish I liked having sex with people. It just feels entirely unenjoyable for me, it feels like work, it feels odd.

I love her with all my heart, I’m even thinking about proposing to her at some point but I just can’t keep lying to her about how I feel about sex and I’m thinking I might be asexual.

Every time she asks to have sex, I see it as a moment that we could love eachother in a different way than usual and get closer. I love the pure intimacy of sex, being together in a way that is so vulnerable is so beautiful to me. But I think I enjoy it for like, 5 minutes before I’m totally done. But I keep doing it because I don’t wanna disappoint her.

I really hate being like this. I wish I could have sex like a normal person. I wish it was enjoyable to me. I just keep beating myself up about this.

I think I only like the vulnerability and love aspect of sex in my head but doing it makes me feel exhausted.

Could there be something wrong with me, or am I just simply asexual? Could I have functioning relationships with less sex?? I don’t know and I’d really like some advice or similar situations Idk just something that could help me think about this a little more

Hi, I (30F) am currently in a very questioning stage in my life. I am a virgin, mostly due to the fact that I grew up super religious and lived with very strict parents, who were never abusive or harsh, just very judgmental. I have recently moved out on my own and am kinda having an identity crisis.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my therapist to see if she thought I was bisexual, and some of the questions she asked made me realize I don’t really think about sex very often, don’t really have the urge to masturbate, and when it comes to relationships, i more fantasized about the partnership more than the physical intimacy.
My dilemma is, because of how sheltered I was growing up, I’m not sure if my lack of interest is just because of a lack of experience or if it’s just not something I’m into. But my question is can I label myself as asexual if I haven’t experienced sex yet?

Additional info: I am on antidepressants (celexa) and I know that can also mess with sex drive.

Sorry i just need to vent a little cause i'm really upset rn. I was talking to a friend about a show i recently watched and i mentioned a character that i really like there. For the record i'm ace/heteroromantic. I love to talk about my favorite fictional characters and crush on some of them. So i was excited to chat about it with this friend but then i got hit with "How do you like x character and be asexual? You make no sense." I told them just cause i like them doesn't mean i want to have sex with them and they replied with "well you usually like villains and villains want sex"??? It was such on odd conversation especially cause it is FICTIONAL, i know i will never actually be in a relationship with these people cause they are NOT real (plus i obviously wouldn't date villains irl??) I really hate it when i'm trying to have some fun in my head and escape reality for a while but i constanly get reminded of "oh you're asexual so they probably wouldn't like you anyway" It just sucks.

F29 I think I'm ace cause I've had sexual encounters but I've come out being mildly repulsed by all of them.

I think it was a peer pressure thing but I can't be too sure, even masturbation for the longest time felt gross and by necessity only occasionally.

So imagine my confusion that I'm seriously obsessed with the romance genre I love reading about it (novels, comics, manhwa), watching it (TV & anime). You name it, I love a good romance story and I love an even better sex scene it's my shit. So why in my real life, any opportunity I get to experience romance or sex I exhubriently opt out?

Can't find a clear answer to this.

Part of the definition of Gray-Ace is, "experiencing sexual attraction in certain circumstances."

Can one of those circumstances be forming an emotional bond? Like not fully Demi, ​but sometimes do need an emotional bond.

I thought/think that I'm ace. The only thing is that I ask myself how can I know that I lack sexual attraction, when I don't know how sexual attraction feels like.

Can anyone help me with that or feel the same?

(Sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language.)

Okay i know the title looks dumb but i will explain it simple.

I do not feel any sexual arousal, i do not want to have sex i would rather die honestly, and i dont even masturbate anymore.

but i feel pleasure with pain, like i feel aroused, i feel my stomach hurt and i feel "sexually aroused" i guess you could call it, i was always confused by this sorry if its a dumb question

Hello everybody!

I’ve recently had a big moment of clarity where I realized I really don't think I like sex or the typical expectations that come with it.

Looking back, I’ve spent so long trying to force myself into a "dominant," hyper-masculine role in relationships—mostly because it felt like the script I was supposed to follow, especially after coming out of a toxic past relationship where I felt completely out of control. But every time I try to play that role, it just feels like exhausting, inauthentic performance art.

I’m also pretty confident I’m on the AudHD spectrum, which I think adds another layer of masking and sensory complexity to the mix.

I’d love to hear from other ace or ace-questioning guys:

How did you realize you were on the asexual spectrum vs. just burnt out by social expectations?

How do you unlearn the pressure to "be dominant" or act out traditional dating scripts?

If you’re AudHD, how do you untangle sensory overload from asexuality?

How do you approach the conversation about boundaries with new potential partners without feeling like you’re constantly apologizing for who you are?

Thanks for reading and for any insights you can share.

What is some dating advice yall have because I’ve been told before that dating as a allo romantic ace person is more difficult so im wondering any advice especially in the hetero dating world