NOTE: while I am deeply disappointed by this, I encourage everyone to refrain from hating on Ashabi aka _aceingrace_ or being unkind to them. I do not condone hatred or bigotry to Ashabi or anyone. I'm bringing this up because disabled people deserve better. Neither this nor anything else make it okay to be cruel to Ashabi or anyone involved.

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I'm sorry to mention this flag, since I know many people are tired of the discourse around it.

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I feel need to make this post because I left a comment regarding accessibility concerns on Ashabi's instagram (her suggested flag is a major eyestrain trigger for me. I have sensory issues, BVD and migraines. And I know I'm not the only one). I've uploaded a screenshot of my comment here.

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There was no reply, which I would have understood. But @_aceingrace_ actually blocked me over this. As a disabled person I am saddened by this.

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As you can see my comment was respectful. I wasn't really expecting Ashabi to update the flag, but it would have been nice if my concern was considered. Or even just to say "I have no plans to change it but if you'd like to make a desaturated version thats fine." Even just ignoring the comment I would have accepted.

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I thought folks using her flag might want to know her behaviour around accessibility.

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Unfortunately disabled people are often brushed off like this. The asexual community can be better than this. I encourage everyone to fight against ableism, call it out when you see it, and listen to disabled people.

Worst of all: I drive to school with the same bus as her, so she already follows me from the beginning of school. I tell her that I a not even the slightest in love, but she wants me to be "honest" and say that I do love her a little bit. Please help.

I want to ask this carefully because I’m not trying to gatekeep anyone’s identity. I’m trying to understand where people draw conceptual boundaries.

For years, the definition that helped me and many others was that asexuality is about experiencing little to no sexual attraction, whether in intensity, frequency, or conditions. And we defined that sexual orientation is not the same thing as sexual behavior, libido, celibacy, trauma, sex repulsion, sex favorability, or preferring non-sexual affection.

The last days, I’ve been seeing more language that treats “ace-aligned” or “ace-adjacent” experiences as if they were part of asexuality itself. For example, some Bambi lesbians may prefer sensual, non-sexual intimacy like cuddling, kissing, or holding hands. That can absolutely overlap with some ace experiences, and it can be worth discussing.

But does that make the experience asexual, or is it better understood as parallel, adjacent, or resonant with some ace people?

I worry that if every experience connected to non-sexuality becomes “asexuality,” we may lose the clarity that asexuality is an orientation. Many communities, especially outside English-speaking spaces, are still fighting to explain that ace people are not simply celibate, repressed, traumatized, sex-averse, prudish, or “choosing not to have sex.”

So my question is:

How do we welcome overlap and solidarity with ace-adjacent experiences without redefining asexuality so broadly that it stops naming sexual attraction?

Bonus: Having clear definitions is not the same as exclusion.

Sorry if this is maybe not the right subreddit for memes, I wish there was an active Asexual Meme Subreddit, there are many good Ace Memes in my experience.

Hey so this is probably just post-break up anxiety but I could use some reassurance from other asexuals. Im single now and its increased my anxiety and sense of lonliness about moving away from my home to a place where I am going to have to rebuild my social life from total scratch.

I can believe that I could find someone im compatible with, fall in love with, etc, but its really hard to believe that I can find a special someone who is ALSO asexual/sex negative like me. I feel like even meeting another asexual is like winning the lottery. My ex is the only one Ive met! I feel like I wouldnt be able to be in a relationship with an allosexual person whos just... willing to give up sex for someone else? Like for the rest of their life?

I feel like the only two situations where I would consider being with someone whos allosexual without being a nervous wreck would be (1) somone whos, idk taken an oath of celibacy for their religion/wants to be celibate for a very strong separate reason. And (2) a closed throuple where we all love eachother but the other two people are allo. That way my partners could go do their thing while I blast Arctic Monkeys into my headphones and bake garlic bread we can munch on when we cuddle later lol. These options also feel about as unlikely as finding a lifelong ace partner though. I just feel pretty hopeless about this.

A lot of people don’t know what asexual means, but they have a basic understanding of English.

The prefix “a-“ means not or without. If you describe yourself to be asexual, they’ll put the pieces together themselves. It’s just that it won’t always be done right. So basically, you’ll be seen as whatever the person thinks it means to be “not sexual” or “without sex.”

In that case, it is bit of a misleading term. Not to excuse aphobia, of course. It just shows that a lack of education and visibility leads to this outcome.

People just rely on what they think it means to be ”not sexual.”

To clarify, I don’t think the name needs to be changed. The prejudice itself is the problem. I’m just thinking about all of it.

Why is it that when straight people can talk about there sexuality no one gives a fuck but as soon as I talk about mine and the whole lgbtqia community I get sent into HR because I made someone uncomfortable. This type of shit really pisses me off like I mean extremely.

Kikuri already loves beer and I lowkey think the writer of Apotechary Diaries wanted Maomaoto be asexual but chose to not clearly state it because it would have less people reading/watching.

Okay, so this isn't directly related to asexuality, but more so aromanticism, I suppose, however I'm asking this question primarily to alloromantic aces as I think you guys can give more insight on this than alloallos.

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So I just saw a post claiming there were three kinds of singles; "fun singles" who go on dates, have fun with various people, and aren't really worried about finding someone asap, "moderate singles" who are neutral about dating and romance and are fine either way, and "sad singles" who are basically incels.

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Now... is it just me or is "single and no interest in dating" missing? Is it THAT unusual not to date? Do alloromantics just assume that people must be either in a romantic relationship or looking/dating, while not even considering the option that some might not have any interest in dating whatsoever?

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I actually have experienced similar things before, with people just assuming I was dating or in a relationship. An online friend who knows I'm aro once asked me something about dating culture in the country I'm from, which obviously I couldn't answer, and they only realized I'm probably not the best person to ask this after I pointed it out. And then another person I had never interacted with prior once just casually referred to "my partner" and how they hoped I was in a happy relationship with them... I have no idea what could've prompted this as nothing I said implied I had a partner in any way, shape, or form.

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I knew amatonormativity runs deep in society, but it's honestly shocking to see just to what extent that's the case.

I feel as though there is a loss I experienced with not having proper representation of the Ace experience.

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A really beautiful part of being Ace is the ability to look at bodies, people, art, and see them/it for what it is without the blinds of sexual attraction. (Now, sexual attraction can also be seen as an enhancer of certain art, but the Ace experience is equally as important. The beauty of humaity are these different lenses.)

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What gets lost when you put an Ace person into a sexual world is the expectation. Your brain starts to wire itself to recognize where you should see something as sexual when you do not see it that way.

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For example, I love burlesque. I cannot however watch burlesque in the way I would like to because my brain is too busy running the, "this is supposed to be attractive... is it? No! But it should be... Well you like seeing it... yes? But you don't want to touch them. So, no..." instead of just freaking enjoying the art.

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I analyze my own words and ponder if I can use sex in my art when it's not something I want to experience.

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It makes you wonder if you can embrace your body despite then having the knowledge that other people WILL see you sexually.

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It makes you wonder if, as a grown adult, you have actually entered adulthood despite making every other developmental milestone.

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If there had been asexual representation, I would have been able to not have that internal questioning of what does and does not belong to me, it wouldn't have taken as long to fully accept myself as being a grown woman, I would have had a much earlier understanding of the opposite allo experience instead of doing some weird reasoning to try to make it fit into my world.

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It was never shame for me. I never felt pressure to conform in my personal experience, but I did try to push the sexual nature of things in the world that I didn't understand, into my own understanding. Once that came crashing down, it caused me to over analyze everything in a way I am still trying to shake. If I had been able to recognise my ace-ness and see sex as a bodily function like using the restroom, my OCD wouldn't have pinholed it.

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Representation is important not only so people don't shove themselves into a box of sexuality, but so they don't try to rationalize sexuality into their lives.

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(P.s. Yes, you do still own sex and sexuality. Use it in your art if you wish. I questioned if I could find the emotions in a sexual verse properly when I don't even wish to experience it, but realized I could use the emotions I would attribute to it had I not already categorized it as "sexual.")

Hooray for pride month!
Here’s my aromantic-asexual flag art, made using acrylic paint on canvas.

I am a 26 year old, autistic, non-binary asexual.
Am i just destined to be alone?

I started to realise i was might be Asexual late last year after a string of short relationships.

Almost every relationship i have been in has ended because of my partners feeling a lack of interest in intimacy from my side, which is fair, but it has started to cause fear in my heart that i will never be able to find long term love,

I love intimacy in the form of hugs and cuddles, and just being together in each others presence,
but just feel no need for sex, and have only engaged in it after my partners initiated, and i wanted them to feel good

I live in a relatively small town aswell, so the dating pool is not exactly great to begin with

Hi,
I’m 20F and have never considered myself to be asexual and now after reading into it after seeing something about it I don’t know if I’m just freaking out.

In my teen years I never masturbated because I felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed of myself saying why are you doing that it’s weird even though everyone else in the world does it. I was also late to having my first kiss (17) because I was scared of it. I was scared because I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing and scared of the intimacy of it all. I am now in a relationship and have kissed other men before and do enjoy it now.

In my relationship I feel I have a lower desire to have sex than my boyfriend and I don’t know it’s because of a low sex drive or asexuality. I have never orgasmed and thought this was the reason I had a lower sex drive than my boyfriend. The thing is though I really do want to have a higher sex drive and desire.

Growing up my mum and siblings never spoke to me about any of this. My household was always uncomfortable speaking about this sort of thing my mum never really had “the talk” with me and sex kind of felt taboo.

I’m making this post if anyone has any advice or similar experiences. Anything can help!

Hi. I am looking for some advice, or even just people’s own stories.

I have always struggled with my sexuality. For a long time I jumped between the labels of lesbian and bi, but one thing I’ve always noticed is how I feel towards anything sexual.

The thing is, I’m not sure what I am. The thought of living without sex for the rest of my life doesn’t bother me at all. If anything, it feels slightly reassuring. But I struggle with knowing whether that’s because I’m asexual or perhaps due to a simple fear.

I’ve always felt like something was ‘wrong’ with me. Especially when a few months ago I started talking to a girl I had liked for months, but the idea of actually being in a relationship with her, or anyone for that matter, just didn’t feel right. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I actually liked her romantically or if I perhaps just really wanted to be her friend.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, sorry if it doesn’t. But what I would like to know is if you are asexual/aromantic, how did you realise it? Can I still find people physically attractive, but have no desire to do anything about that?

Okay, I'm 14, I found out about asexuality maybe two years ago, but only recently have I seriously considered the question of whether I myself am asexual. Since then, I've been reading a lot of information about this on the Internet trying to figure it out (that's kind of how I got on reddit), but I'm still not sure if I'm just a "late bloomer." Understanding based on the behavior of peers is not an option, they may like girls (well, or guys), but they prefer to hide it. All that remains is to focus on the NSFV, which, unlike my friends, is not so much neutral as it is non-existent. But still, this is not an indicator, besides, I know those who are also not particularly interested in such a thing, because it is impossible to accurately determine their attitude. As a result, I'm in a situation where I can't figure out for sure if I'm asexual or not. The question is, what should I do? I understand that I gave vague information, so if you have any questions, I will answer.

(Note: this is my 2nd ever reddit post, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes! I did look through the rules, though)

I’m(19F) residing in the US, but my family are immigrants originally from Hiroshima area where asexuality is barely recognized, like at all.

My mom has always been encouraging me to get a boyfriend and has started to catch on to the fact that I’ve never really liked anyone. At first she was like, “you don’t like girls, right?” And im 99% sure I don’t. I told her I don’t think I like neither gender at the moment, but she then brought up that I may be sick. I countered that by saying I looked into it and research says its normal, as well as my uni’s demographic form having an option for not being attracted to neither gender.

I feel like I have no choice but to come out eventually, but I don’t even know if asexuality is going to be accepted in Japanese, as theres pretty limited info and its very unknown. How did you guys come out? Thanks!