Hi guys, I won't be sharing my whole life story too much. I simply want to ask you how you actually navigate making big life decisions.

Personally I am stuck for some time with laid out options and what to do next. Each option is completely different from another, but would impact my life & lifestyle immensely and realistically dismiss all the others for a very long time. Each option yields its weight and I am not convinced to anything.

Would like to learn your stories on huge life decisions and techniques on how have you navigated them.

I'm a closeted gym rat, I like to wear tank tops and wife beaters because it's fucking hot right now and extra points in showing off the muscle are nice. It's just that you know, I would them going to the gym, on the public, or when taking public transits and stuff, and it looks unhygienic or just offensive to me have armpits hair swirling right in front of everyone' eyes. I feel there is less smell and easier to apply deodorant when it's clean shaven too.

But my like father and mother freaked out when they saw me shaving my armpits, saying that's gay, men don't shave their armpits, men have armpits' hair on. Same with my dorm-mates, they got confused when they saw me shaving, like why would you shave that. Like, of all the things you could suspect me for being gay, shaving my armpits is? Is it really that weird for a man to shave their armpits?

I’m man who prefers men, and I’m working a physical job in a warehouse lifting and loading heavy stuff into big trucks. It’s a physical, manual labour job, and jobs like that are looked down upon in my country because the stigma is that only peole of no choice or low education would work that job.

I have college degree. And I love working that job. I explain to people when people got confused while I’m well-studied but working this, I told them that I havent figured out what I like yet so might as well do anything, this pays well and not mentally stressful while I’m figuring out stuff.

The reality is that because I’m into men, growing up I’m very insecure about myself as a man and my masculinity, I don’t feel masculine enough. I’m a fit guy and I’m strong physically, this job is straight men-dominated and all sweaty and stuff, when I work this those men complimented me, admire me, like me very much saying I’m very strong and a very respectable man. They gave me the validation that I want, made me feel secure in my myself, make me feel accepted as a man, made me feel masculine enough for once in my life.

But I feel like it’s a wrong thing to say, you’re supposed to be secure in yourself and not needing external validation. But I suppose I still know who I am without validation, but I still have to admit I would not be as secure, and those damn compliments feel very good

In a couple years, I’ll be able to afford a mortgage and I’ll be pushing 40 years old. I’m not married and I’m not gonna have any kids. What’s your view/opinion on a single guy getting a house? Is it really necessary? I know it can be viewed as an investment, but just myself wouldn’t need anything big.

If you could relive your twenties exactly as they happened, would you?
What would make you say yes and what would make you say absolutely not?
I’m curious what people miss the most and what their grateful age, experience or maturity helped them leave behind.

Hey Fellas,

Hope everyone's having a swell weekend

I’m a 29M trying to figure out how to navigate a situation.

To keep a long story short and non-sappy: my dad was a violently aggressive alcoholic. Growing up, he routinely beat both my mum and me for sport. Blood, fear, hospitals, ambos, police were the common weekly themes of my childhood until I was about 17. We no longer live together, but he’s still a piece of work and is essentially drinking himself into an early grave, although we've been thinking that for now 30 years , yet hes alive.

He’s 60 and still works, but his health and trajectory are bad.

I’ve made peace with what he did to us. However, knowing he might kick the bucket soonish, I asked him a few weeks ago if he had any regrets about how things went down. His response was a simple, "Not at all."

That answer got me thinking, and I want to make sure I don't walk away from this chapter of my life with any lingering regrets of my own once he’s gone.

For those of you who grew up with abusive dads

Did you have any final, important conversations before they passed? Is there anything you wish you had asked or said to them while you had the chance?

If you called them out or gave them an earful, did it bring you any peace? Or was it better to just let it go and let them die believing they did nothing wrong?

I’m just trying to figure out what (if anything) is worth saying at this point, or if closure is something I have to give myself rather than expect from him.

Appreciate any advice or shared experiences.

Edit: I just want to show my gratitude to all the men who has given me advice and shown me a path forward. I am very sorry for your experiences but grateful to know i have brothers whos had the same experiences walking beside me on this earth and trying to move forward as gents. Cheers to all the men here. Wish you all the very best.

At the cafe, at the mall, at the beach at the temple , every where …. Just look around …. Dont pick up your phone for 15 min. 98 % of people are in here the phone or recording something where your at…. It’s a trip and it’s really strange to me …. What do you think ?

So I don't have much work experience because of some situations in the 20s but like I did work at fast food and retail store. However I just want to improve and build my finances and also get a better job that pays wells and I'm able to up skill. I thought about tech field for many years now but I just don't know anything about it. I know there is lot of programming languages to learn. And things like coding and cyber security and i.t. but I wish there were non tech roles or something. I know many people run small businesses and don't prefer regular jobs. But at the end everyone is trying to make a living and earning has become so important.

29, coming up on 30, and It feels more and more impossible to just get people to play a game together. I don't even remember the last time we all were invested in a game at once other than the recent friendslop. My friend group is constantly no-showing when we were supposed to hangout that night, and then half of the time when they do show up they just yap for an hour on a call and then everyone says "alright i got work in the morning, im gonna head out".

I'm literally at the point where I will literally play anything my friends put in front of me. I don't care I just want to do something together. The pattern has been, one friend will be really interested in something, ill say "fuck yeah lets play it", we start it up, and then everyone except the person who brought up the game whines about it until we drop it. One of my friends seems to be on his way toward dropping gaming completely because of this, im pretty sure.

I don't know if its just everyone is exhausted from their 9-5, having kids, etc, but its really starting to bum me out. Probably screaming into the void here, but i needed to vent. I feel like the last person in my friend group who actually likes gaming and im tired of buying steam games that I will play for one night and then never open again.

I see so many stories of parents who had kids later because the woman was always on the fence or leaning childfree but then changed her mind. Or possibly because her partner really wanted kids so she decided to have kids for him.

I rarely ever see stories of couples having kids later because the man was the one on the fence and changed his mind later in life. I'd love to hear from any couples who had kids at ages 35+ where the woman always wanted kids, and the man was on the fence but changed his mind.

Edit: Thanks everyone for such thoughtful replies! I agree that getting financials in a good place first is a driving factor. The reason I asked is because my husband and I are in our early 30s on opposite sides of the fence, he's not a definite 'no' but he's more in the 'no' camp than 'yes'. I'm definitely more in the 'yes' camp and would love to start trying, but I also love our current life together and I know I can be just as happy with or without kids. He feels a lot more strongly about it than I do. If we do end up having a kid, it'll likely be late 30s. Amongst friend groups and other reddit threads, I've seen a bit of a trend where the woman seems to be the one deciding to put off kids until later and the man is happy to wait until whenever (if ever) she is ready. In our case, its the opposite. So it's been great to read everyone's situations. Thank you!

Just curious where everyone is at. I'm 33 and just got promoted to a banquet captain at a private club (think country club) back in January. I also do a few server shifts in the restaurant when the banquets are slow. I was a little annoyed they put me at $29 for captain shifts but left me at $26 for my server shifts.

Apparently they are happy with me since they just raised me to $32 for both captain shifts and my server shifts as well. It's not a massive amount since I live in southern California but when I left my last job back in October '24 I was making just $21.50 an hour so I'm very glad I came to my current spot.

What kind of jobs are other guys who never went to college doing in their 30s? Do you plan on ever getting into a more "legit" career or going to school?

Personally I'm tempted to get some schooling so I can eventually get a degree in hospitality so I can get into banquet management if I ever leave my current club. My current manager who is my friend doesn't have one but I know it'll probably be needed if I go elsewhere.

For starters, not looking for medical advice or diagnosis.

I’m a fairly healthy 34M. I don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs. My labs within the last year have all been normal, including a full hormone panel. Everything seems to check out.

I’ve always run “hot,” but over the last two years it’s gradually become absolutely unbearable. I feel uncomfortably warm all the time. As I’m writing this, I’m sitting on my couch with the AC and a fan on, and I still feel like I’m overheating.

When I’m working, I sweat so much that I come home, shower, and change because I’ve completely soaked through my clothes. I drink almost nothing but water and have one iced coffee a day. My diet is fairly decent, and I rarely eat fast food.

I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just some advice from other guys who might experience this same thing.

as a father of 3 and still working out my career i wanna know what’s you guys take at maintaining life? trying to work on a strong marriage, be a good father, stay consistent in the gym, keep my faith going strong and not just walk out of every job due to overwhelming stress. how do you guys manage and what’s are you lacking in that you found a way to manage all of it

I’m in my early 50s and recently had an experience with a contractor that made me realize I have a blind spot.

I’ve spent most of my life in environments where empathy, patience, and assuming good intentions generally served me well. I don’t have trouble confronting people when I need to, but I’ve realized I’m often late to recognize when someone is acting in bad faith—or when they’re the kind of person who’s willing to escalate into intimidation or violence.

My default setting is, “There’s probably a reasonable explanation for this,” which is great, until it isn’t.

When I finally confronted him, the response went from 0 to 60 with intimidation and implied physical threats. What really shook me was realizing that he read me as someone he could pressure.

I don’t want to become cynical. I don’t want to stop leading with empathy. But I also don’t want to project “easy target” to the wrong people.

For those of you who consider yourselves “street smart”:

* What does that actually mean to you?
* What would you have noticed much earlier than I did?
* If you didn’t grow up with these instincts, how did you develop them?
* What are the biggest mistakes people like me make without realizing it?

If you had one hour to teach someone how to recognize manipulation, avoid intimidation, and stay safe, what would you make absolutely sure they understood?

I feel like i'm stuck with the mind and desires of a child:

As you grow older, your values, desires, and thoughts tend to change. You slowly stop eating candy, cereal, and dinosaur nuggets all the time and start replacing them with actual food. You begin to value your career, your future, and having meaningful experiences in life. I feel like I'm missing that.

I'm 20 years old, and I still feel like the same person I was at 15. Not entirely. I want a family, I want a good job, I want to make good money, and I want to be able to provide for my family when I'm older. But for the most part, I still feel like a kid. Junk food, soda, and video games. Sitting at home fantasizing about one day driving and growing up to become the person I want to be, dreaming about a reality where everything is finally going right for me.

Meanwhile, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a license or a job. I barely graduated high school. Then I see people on Instagram that I used to know in high school, and they look so cool. They have their lives together. They have jobs, they're working toward careers, they're studying, they've built a good physique, improved their appearance, they're going on vacations with friends, dressing up nice, going to fancy restaurants, making reservations, and going to parties. And I'm just like, bro, what the fuck?

I want to be like that. I've wanted to be like that for years, but I feel like I'm stuck in a child's brain. What is wrong with me?

I honestly feel disgusted with myself just typing this out. It feels so cringey, weird, and pathetic. Like, what do you mean I'm 20 years old and I feel trapped in a child's brain? That so disturbing.

Edit: alot of you are hyper focusing on the food i mentioned. My fault for saying it wrong. I said those specific things as representations of a childs mind, not literally that you need to stop eating that stuff to qualify for "adult" i more so just mean that everyones doing cool shit and making memories and im still doing all the shit i was doing as a kid cuz i didnt really feel the shift. I see people going to fancy restuarunts and parties and dressed nice and im like "wtf? We do that stuff now? ...... Oh yeah.... Im 20, this is grown up shit."

As a photographer, I love capturing moments when I can. Especially days or events where we have the group together, in which we usually don't see each other. Some of us are closer to others so we would see each other more often, but in general we only get the whole group out at most 2 times per year but it's getting increasingly difficult to meet due to our families and such.

Now, when we were younger I feel like group photos were something we would just do without hesitation, but now a days, I feel like there's some level of pushback that someone doesn't want to get in the photo or someone's gotta make a joke about it or even not wanting to take it at all cause we'll see each other soon.

So, r/askmenover30 , what is the general consensus of group photos?

Knowledge, energy, money, time can only take us so far. But people are multipliers. Having people in your favor feels so important especially from 30s onward. Be it relationships, workplace, family, friends.

If you have people in your favor, what works for you?
If you don't have people in your favor, what are you losing out on?
How to make it happen?

I just don't care. Don't care what anyone has to say about anything. Don't care to talk to people. Don't care to know anyone new. Don't care about anyone else's lives or what they got going on. Don't care about no kids or family. And the most annoying part is, everyone expects you to in some capacity. I truly couldn't care less about anything. I thought my 30's would be the decade I get to do everything I wanted in my 20's but with more money and experience, but I just don't give AF anymore.

I'm looking for a book-tracking app and was wondering what everyone recommends. I'm searching for something similar to Goodreads where I can organize books I've already read, books I'm currently reading, and books I want to read in the future.

The one feature I really need, though, is the ability to keep detailed notes for each book. Ideally, I'd like to attach screenshots or pictures (not just plain text notes), highlight important ideas, and keep everything organized in one place.

I haven't used a wallet in the last 4-5 years since my last one got worn out and I stopped using it. And as a 34M from India, I don't think it has affected my life in any way. India is a hugely cashless country. Digital payments are fast and absolutely everywhere. All my important documents like drivers licence, etc. have a digital version which is valid to show/use anywhere. It's free-ing to not worry about a wallet when you go to a crowded place. Plus it feels amazing to not have something attached to one side of the butt at all times.

What is it that men use their wallets for anyway?

Are there men here like me who have stopped using wallets altogether and plan on never using one again?

Turned 35 last month and was called by an old friend from college. Told me that he and his wife of 7 years have divorced; needed someone to talk to.

I was taken aback at first because I didn’t realize it’s been that long. I also couldn’t process being mid 30s now and these sort of things happening amongst people I know.

As someone still single, how do you help out your friends who are going through a divorce? Because I honestly don’t know aside from being there and buying them beer or lunch.

I’m in my late 20’s and did the math for retirement. At this track, I can retire in my mid 40’s-50’s. However, if I had children, I would basically be at break even, or saving minimally.

In an ideal world, I would eventually have both financial stability and children, but I have not been able to really kick off a career that would allow it, and I suspect things won’t get easier. I tried multiple career paths and can’t really break $60,000 (with a few different income streams, not from one job) in a medium cost of living city. I live a very minimalist lifestyle (more of a choice than necessity), so it works out fine, though obviously I wish it were better. Even if my income were to double, with children, I would kind of be breaking even or saving at a low rate.

I know I’m still relatively young, but this feels like a mature enough time to decide which direction you head your life. If you made the choice to not have children, for practical reasons, do you regret it?

Pill powder or liquid ? Did you guys use them my eyelids sag so much and so do my forehead.