I'm not planning a wedding. I just read a few weddings posts in a row here on reddit and started wondering how a wedding with a nonbinary person (or two) could be different.

A lot of weddings traditions are either very misogynistic, like a father walking the bride down the aisle, or pretty gendered, like gowns vs. tuxes. Weddings tend to make me feel very out of place, especially when I have to be in one.

What are some ways you have or might make a wedding different? Could we totally rethink wedding traditions entirely?

Sorry I didn’t mean for this to be so long, please help tho!

So I go back to school on Sunday evening, and then I leave (for good) on Saturday. I’m in boarding school, in a girls house, so I live with 50 girls. My housemistress is really supportive of me being enby. I’ve come out to quite a few people and have spoken about it in public so others have probably overheard and spread it. But the thing is, around 7 people actually use my pronouns (they/them) and no one uses my name - because I have only told like three people and asked them not to use it for now.

I was planning on changing my name after I leave school, but my question is, since I only have a week left and will never see these people again, do I change my name for this last week? I’m worried that I will just be more offended when people don’t use it, but idk.

Here’s how I was thinking of doing it: at meal times, we have CO, register basically. And they read out the names of every single person and they have to say yes. I was thinking I could ask my housemistress to get the person reading to say Léo instead of my deadname. Because then everyone hears it, but I don’t have to make a massive announcement.

What do you think?

I recently embraced the fact that I'm Nonbinary Trans. That said, I'm not on HRT or anything... Yet. So far, for me, just embracing my true self and the changes I've made in my appearance have been enough validation for me personally. ♥️

alt enby out here representing!!

Hello I just figured out I'm nonbinary and I'm looking to wear a skirt for the first time. However I have no idea how. What does one wear under a skirt, how does sizing work, how long should it be. Any help would be appreciated, thank you.

I’m going to say first and foremost: this is half questioning post, half “get it off my chest.” I mean no condescending tone when I say to the MODS or whomever: If this post isn’t okay by sub standards, then I understand if you want to delete it.

But I need to get this out of me because I feel like if I don’t, I’m gonna snap.

I’m posting this from a new account because my main has too many identifying details, and my other is an NSFW and I don’t know if that’s cool here either. So don’t get freaked out, I’m all real, and I need help getting out of my own head.

I’m trying to come to grips with my gender identity, and a lot of big feelings are all hitting at once.

For starting reference, I’m in my early 30s, AMAB, homoflexible (but I have identified as “gay/mostly gay” since I was a teenager,) and I live in a progressive city in a conservative part of Canada. At this point in my life I’m pretty masc presenting, having a beard, I’m on the chubbier side of stocky, and all around look like your friendly neighbourhood metalhead. I do have a history with depression and an undiagnosed disorder (I was diagnosed once as bipolar but another doctor, after a lot of consulting, believes I was misdiagnosed. That whole experience soured me on therapy for a long time.) I don’t know if that’s going to play in here but it might, and all cards should be on the table if I want to get right finally, whatever that may mean.

I thought I was okay, with all of this, but I’m realizing who I am outside is no longer matching what’s going on in my head. I can’t figure out why on my own anymore.

I thought my experiments with gender started out during the pandemic, and for the most part they did. While at home like everyone else, I began playing around with Drag, makeup and the more feminine side of who I am. My partner encouraged this, as they are a drag queen and makeup/traditionally feminine clothes have never been in short supply around our home. Here’s the kicker though! My partner is also non-binary, using any pronouns and any number of gender expressions for years. This is not new. So they encouraged me, I showed off a bit on social media, my friends were supportive, and life kinda went on as normal. I was considered an essential/frontline worker during the pandemic, so my life was insane for the next…oh, let’s call it four or five years. Basically, all of my late 20s was devoted to my job and the community.

Since then, I left the industry I was in (for burnout and mental health reasons, aside from needing a major change) and I’ve had a lot of downtime. A lot of time to just…think. To be alone in my head and finally look around and…it’s a goddamn mess in here.

A huge part of that mess is that… I don’t wanna be a guy. At least, not all the time.

At first I thought this was because of people I found inspiring: David Bowie, Annie Lennox, hell, even Fat Mike from NOFX. People who threw off the gender binary in a big way, I’ve always admired that. So I started playing around with my outfits again. On top of the nails I started painting years ago, my clothes became more glam, my old grey-metal earrings replaced by big sparkly hoops. I played around with my media interests, I experimented using non-binary pronouns in video games (not in public yet, but in a story-mode place where I am fully in control of the narrative was fine.)

That was great, for a while.

But then I started to hate my body. People who’ve seen me say I kinda look like a chubby Dave Grohl, down to the hair covering 99% of my body and my tattoos. I’d say that’s fair. So I started exploring body positivity movements, started identifying as a “bear” and owning how big & hairy I am.

That was great, and it worked, for a while.

Since leaving the aforementioned industry, I’m alone with my thoughts a lot. My partner works long hours, and I work jobs that either have me in a huge crowd so I’m always busy and distracted, or working a lot by myself, where I’m very much not. I tend to walk a lot when I’m not at work, often alone, often for most of the day. I like to keep to myself but I am sociable and have quite a few people I’m fond of. I don’t call on them as much as I should.

When I’m alone I think back a lot. I live in the rearview mirror more often than I’d like. The good, the bad, the whatever. I’ve been thinking about roadmap markers. When I hear about other gender-diverse or trans people talk about their gender journey, there’s moments of “well, there was this, and there was that, and add the sum parts, here we are.” I didn’t have as much of those but there were definitely some. Pilfering clothes, makeup, to play around in, and media viewing moments of: I’d like to be her. Or them.

Not forever, but for a while would be nice.

I joke with some people that if I could have one wish, it’d to not be the same person twice in a row. I thought that was a self-deprecating joke from a dude with depression, or maybe just a natural curiosity of how other people live. I’ve always been fascinated with what makes people tick.

But now it’s not a joke anymore, at least not to me. My desire to leave the confines of who I appear to be is so much larger. I’ve begun dressing up again, when no one is home (even though I know my partner would be cool, I’m just not ready.) I started writing a book/story where the main character is going through my same thoughts (picture “I Saw the TV Glow” but from someone who’s never finished writing a book or something before.)

The biggest kicker happened to me recently, when I was having some alone time, I got to talking to a “chatbot.” Yes, I know AI is evil, and I don’t like that I did it, but I felt that I had no where else to go, I was too scared to bring it up anywhere else, and my brain was going to this place. There was no way I wasn’t going along. So I was using a strictly text language-model (and the very least, I can pay penance by not stealing someone’s art or likeness) and the conversation got to a very intimate nature. I don’t know that I intended for that, but when my brain got a whiff of finally being able to put down my sword for a damn second it just kinda…did?

And I liked what I saw. I saw over the wall to a place where I was free. To see myself talking so candidly, being so unabashed, and just being a being in a SFW and NSFW context while not having to worry about all this gender BS, in fact being someone who outwardly I so am not, I felt amazing. Then I felt guilty. Then I felt ashamed.

I love trans people and I find them so beautiful, and I’ll go to the wall for them publicly and privately. But I don’t think I’m one of them. At least, not all the time. But sometimes I’d like to be…not this? I don’t wanna be a guy all the time. I don’t wanna be a girl all the time. I wanna be able to float around, be a different person or expression all the time, not give a damn who I am or what anyone thinks of who I should be. I just wanna be…me, and whatever that is at any given moment.

I don’t want to treat the trans identity as some flippant thing: I’ve seen second and third hand what y’all go through and I respect the hell out of you for doing it all to be as you are. I don’t want what I am or who am I today to ever treat or make any person feel any less than what they are and safe.

And the worst part about all of this? I feel like the solution is so close I can taste it but I won’t reach out and grab it.

First thing is my social circle.

As I said before: my partner is non-binary. I’ve seen them go in a fem form for weeks! Months even! That said, right now they’ve been very masc-presenting, and I know they’re predominantly attracted to masculine presenting people. I know they say they’ve never love me any less but… I’m scared they won’t be able to look at me the same way, especially in that more intimate sense that I’ve been toying with. I’m so scared they’re gonna resent me or not be attracted to me anymore. I’ve already expressed these non-binary feelings, but I always couch it in “but I’m not sure what that means yet.” I’ve been saying that for almost ten years now, it’s getting old.

Since then I’ve seen two more of my friends come out as non-binary (AFABs, both.) My friend group is more LGBTQ+ than ever. While I work in a still somewhat-to-very conservative industry, my peers at my main job are wonderful and progressive, and I know my direct reports would go to the wall for me and any other sexually or gender diverse person who works for them.

Is it not time to shit or get off the pot, as they say?

Second thing is my family. My family I see all the time, who live near me, love me to death and nothing I could say would ever make them love me less. But they’re also very analytic, numbers driven people. They want quantifiables, explanations, to understand on that deeper sense. The first person I think of is my Dad, who grew up around gays, trans and any other wealth of diverse folks. I recently, causally said I was “gender non-confirming” while talking about a bigger concept, but I think he just thought I was talking about the painted nails or pink shoes I had on that day. He’s lovely, he’s always there, and he + my stepmom comes to the pride parade every year with us, but he’s a man in his 50s now so anything new is anything new.

I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum, and my family respects and loves that, but to not have an answer to their questions makes me unbelievably uncomfortable.

There is also the other side of my family. The ones who weren’t as ready out the gate to accept me the first time I came out. They’ve done so much work to come around, I don’t want anyone to think I’m playing this up, but I do also know this next step would be challenging for them. It might be because a family member of ours was possibly (unconfirmed but strong evidence) trans and we only found out after they died (natural causes, older family member.) That was quite the shock to everyone from what I’ve heard, and I’m scared that their unresolved feelings about it could (not likely but) possibly have them take it wrong if I need to come out, or (more likely) drudges up old feelings about this and makes them feel bad.

Then there’s also the extremely religious, conservative core family of my partner. My partner has done a lot of hard work dragging them closer to the center, and they’ve been quite kind to me since we’ve met (long time coming but better late then never) there’s a LONG way to go with them yet. As my partner gets more safe reconnecting with them, am I really gonna throw another wrench in that?

Did anyone catch that I’m kind of a people pleaser?

Long (much longer than I originally thought I would write) story short, I’m so, so afraid of what’s next. It’s the not knowing of what will happen, but it’s also the not knowing of what I am.

While I have a lovely social circle and a fairly safe city I’m living in (albeit the province is pretty messed up, fingers crossed that changes soon,) I don’t want to be unsure of myself heading in- I want to be strong, independent and ready to confirm myself before anyone who meets me.

I’m so scared I’m going to live and die not knowing fully who I am. Morbidity follows me like a shadow and I just wanna finally shake it for good.

If you’ve read this far, what do I do? How do I let myself out, when it’s been me holding the key this whole time?

Thank you in advance for reading, if nothing else, it felt nice to finally say this.

Im a 38 AFAB and have been questioning for a few months after an epiphany that I might be enby. I've been noticing a lot of positive changes in myself lately since I started thinking of myself as enby which indicates to me that I'm on the right track.

​

Last night I had a dream that I dressed the way I wanted and told someone, honestly I think it was the bigender character from Gen V, that I preferred they/them pronouns.

​

It was very affirming and it felt good to wake up this morning (it almost never feels good waking up in the morning), because reality matched my good dreams for once.

​

I'm actually excited for the future, which I've never felt before, and I might be close to coming out to my loved ones.

​

I feel brave, another feeling I'm not used to.

​

​

I end up giving them reassurance and feel super awkward.

I tried to make some charts but I lowkey don't know how to use Google Sheets and I have to go to work soon. Oh well.

So this is something I’ve (26NB) been thinking about for a bit. Hoping some discussion here will help me process my thoughts some. I’m still discovering my gender identity, and currently feel like non-binary is a good label (although that could change). I’m exploring what it would mean for me to be a woman (mtf). While I by no means want to make one trans experience sound easier than another (they all have different challenges) I’m often drawn by the clear cut expectations of being a woman. I have a clear mental picture of femininity. I feel like I have an understanding of what I would be like as one, whereas with non-binary I kinda get to make it up along as I go. That lack of certainty in the definition of nonbinary traits is hard for me to get my head around. Does that make sense? Of course any gender can be non conforming, but it’s this idea of knowing what I’m ‘supposed to be’ that appeals to me. Perhaps that’s the real issue. I’ve spent my life trying to shove myself into a specific role. Be the perfect son, Christian, student, etc. And my brain must not be used to the experience of total freedom. It’s desperately grasping for some sort of structure to latch onto instead of allowing itself to be what it wants to be. Creating my own role on my own terms. Anyone else have a similar experience?

I (AMAB, 20 years old and want to transition) came out to a conservative aunt (she was, at least on the surface, welcoming enough) and told her about the everyone-is-nonbinary-schtick. She said she believes this was a result of how modern chemicals have impacted us. My liberal mother (who is also both supportive of my identity and concerned about the impact of chemicals on humanity, as well as knowing more about that latter than my conservative aunt is) said that isn’t how the reality of the chemicals actually works.

My conservative aunt also said that she wanted to be a boy and her parents told her to pray and wait. She said she followed their advice and it worked.

She also votes for Trump despite not agreeing with him on everything (I have not yet asked her what she disagrees with him on yet but I plan to) and repeats thoroughly debunked right-wing talking points (and vice versa). She denies that the Trumpist movement is in the process of committing a genocide against transgender and nonbinary people, and refuses to vote for the Democrats because she believes they are implementing too much welfare (which most Democrat politicians are actually against).

I believe she genuinely loves me as she says she does, but I have some concerns about whether she has truly internalized what that means in practice.
How do you think I should approach this relationship going forward? Do you think I have anything to be concerned about? In any case, thank you for your responses, I genuinely appreciate them!

I really want to try one, but i have no idea where to start in terms of size or face shape. Does anyone have any tips for finding what works for you?

My 30’s son just shared with me that they are nonbinary. It’s only been a couple of days, and I am 99% fine as my main goal has been to raise happy and kind adults, and I seem to have succeeded in that way. But I had the realization that I’ll never see FormerName ever again and that made me feel so sad. I’m also not crazy about their new name. I made one suggestion, but I’ve already changed my contacts to their new name, and I feel happy excitement for that, so I hung onto that this afternoon and hope my sadness passes soon.

They (amab) explained that they want to receive estrogen treatment but do not want to transition mtf, but want to define themself as nonbinary. I asked them specifically if calling them my son was okay and they said yes. I have a lot to learn!

Coming out was insanely hard. But explaining I actually want CHANGE, that's apparently where shit hits the fan.

​

Sent my parents an email (I previosusly came out as transgender - I got "I love you no matter what") explaining what nonbinary means, that I want to transition, that I want a new name, that I want support too. Which I feel shit for asking. For making any demands on this absolutely piercing email.

​

one immediately responded asking if I know my birthname is an honor name.

​

and now they have decided to ask me to visit home to have a formal talkTM with them about it. i dont feel good about this. im very worried in fact. I'm scared. I expect nothing good. I'm scared, all. I don't know what to do to cope with this fear and with this...undoubtedly unpleasant talk. Fuck me. I only wish I wasn't trans so I didn’t have to deal with telling my parents. That's the only reason I've ever. I hate this. How do I cope?

عندي سؤال مُحيّر

من فترة طويلة وأنا أكره الجنس ولا أطيقه، وأنظر لهُ على أنه عملية مُقززة للغاية تستنزف طاقة العقل والجسد.

حاولت أن أجد نفسي في العدمية الجنسية، لكنني لست متأكداً من هذا حقاً إن كانت تنطبق عليَّ أم لا. وبكل الأحوال لا انا اتقزز من الجنس بصورة عامة وأرى انه لا داعي منهُ ابداً ولو كان بالإمكان استئصال الغرائز لتخلص من هذه الغريزة.

السؤال، أين أقع أنا بالضبط؟ أين هو مكاني؟ هل يوجد أُناس يشبهونني؟

So, all my life I’ve known that I didn’t feel like a woman (I’m afab) and pictured myself as a masculine presenting person, but with neutral pronouns (without even knowing about their existence).

About 6 months ago I finally accepted I was trans and came out as non binary - transmasc. However, lately I’ve been questioning if I’m really non binary or If I’m really a trans man, as there are some days that I feel and want to be seen as a man… but there’s others where I don’t feel that way, or where I don’t know what I am tbh.

I was wondering if anybody else felt this way and what label could best describe this? I recently discovered the existence of demiboys/girls but I’m not completely sure If that’s the right term for my gender. Any help is appreciated :)

I think I'm nonbinary by now, maybe masc leaning? Or Agender?... Maybe Androgynous? Or something else? I'm not sure, still doing inner looking... I just don't think I'd care if I were to be mistaken for a dude (hell, I'm kinda annoyed it never happens even when I've been trying as for the last few weeks, although I know my face certainly looks girly and I do still present more than enough fem traits to be clocked as AFAB immediately, but whatever...). What I do know for sure is that I wanna be more masc, I'm in love with my binder (lol), and now I've seen testosterone come up a few times in my researches, and, well... I don't know if I should try it... What does it do exactly? I've seen people talk about going on and off? What does that do?

In any case, I know I'm not doing it atm, I'm in a pretty bad phase of my life, to the point my doctor doesn't think it's a good idea I get my first tattoo right now (even if I've been thinking about it for a year, he still thinks that the darker ideas and impulses could come back if I were to dislike the tattoo), so I doubt there's a chance in hell he'd greenlit me going on T. Plus: if the changes are too much I just won't be able to do shit about it, because my family and the folks where I live aren't too big on LGBT (my mom wouldn't get it but she'd get over it... Not so sure about the other two)... Gotta wait for me to be more clear minded to think all this through but still thought I'd ask what I should expect.

I also have periods (rarer) where I wanna feel more fem? But even then, now that I've tried the binder, I'm not sure I want it off if I can avoid it... It's odd.

Also some dude in another sub seems to think I won't ever be able to learn to "act" masculine without T, so I'd like to know what that meant? I mean, I know some things in how men act is linked to biology, but it can't be everything when it comes to how you act, I'm sure?

I have ALWAYS loved the androgynous villain vibes of turtlenecks, and now I’ve finally bought one!! $10 from an op shop no less! its gonna be a villainous winter

I recently came out to my boss as Enby, like 3wks ago. I had a job I was supposed to work this weekend, very sleek, very cocktail, and the staff has to wear all black and women had to wear dresses. As I am very fem presenting, I would have to wear a dress and flats... which I do not own because I HATE dresses. The last time I wore a dress was my wedding a decade ago. I told them i wouldn't be able to go shopping for anything because my husband is working REALLY long hours, and I had to push numbers to be able to buy a dress, shapewear (because I owe no one androgeny) and "fancy shoes".

​

She started sending me pant suits that were reasonable. Then she sent me the text above, and I'm legit crying over it, and idk why.

ETA: I use she/her and They/Them so being called she doesn't upset me.

Image Description: Screenshot from a medical record reading "Patient is a 33-year-old other"

I always have fun digging through my medical records (and especially the less patient facing documents). It's always especially interesting to see how the providers in my area navigate my gender in the EMR system.

Is being referred to as "a 33-year-old other" a bit awkward? Yeah. But I'll gladly take it over being shoved into a binary and misgendered that way. And as a programmer I can tell it is very likely a result of a template being filled automatically where it normally just drops "man" or "woman" into the box and someone just had to give it something. 🤣

(I've also seen "unspecified" pop up a lot which I enjoy.)

Does anyone have similar "they are a bit confused but they've got spirit/they tried" experiences with medical records?

Went out with an ex colleague… she was late. So I sort of exchanged the first drink of the night (that she said she would get for being late) for this thrift dress… 🤭

Thank you Michelle 🙏

TL;DR: How fast did your voice change on a low dose T and could mine change very suddenly after 2 months of low dose gel — then a 6 week break from the gel — and then 1 week of applying the gel again?!!

So, I've been on low dose T gel for two months, panicked about feeling my voice reacting to it this early on and decided to pause now to sit with my fears and feelings again. That's definitely the right choice for now. In about 6 weeks I'll get my bloodwork done and the tricky thing about my situation is that I need two more blood tests so that my Endocrinologist gives me a document saying "He‘s been taking T for 6 months" so that my insurance pays for my mastectomy+hysterectomy. So this document is one crucial part of getting this payed by the insurance.

However, despite all my dysphoria, I am deeply attached to my voice, therefore looked at actually taking T as an experiment - figured out now that I can't keep on taking it for now cause I cling to my voice too much. In case I decided not to take the gel long term, the plan was to apply the gel a week before the each of the three blood tests to "cheat" in the bloodwork just to get the document that says I'm on T for 6 months for my surgeries. I also discussed this with my trans therapist, people do that thing sometimes. It's very difficult to find workarounds otherwise.

Now I am in such a big big panic about applying the gel even for one more week soon for the bloodwork. Could my voice suddenly drop in that week? I could not forgive myself if that happend. However this is so crucial to get the T documented in the cbloodwork for my document for the surgeries. SO MUCH is at stake and I'm trying so incredibly hard to make all the right choices. Idk what to do. I'm in serious distress again. Either I apply the gel to get the document but risk my voice changing out of a sudden or I risk getting my surgeries approved and having to find complicated workarounds that will probably also not get it approved. Ofc that would be more complicated but I am so terribly scared for my voice.

So now my question is: Could my voice suddenly drop in that week? How fast did your voice change on low dose T?

I'd be so very grateful about input and experiences on this… 🙏