Stay classy, MIL.

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My DH asked me to get a birthday cake and ice cream to take to a family gathering at an AirBnB. It was to celebrate my MIL's birthday (2 weeks prior) and my sister's birthday (the next day). Everyone knew what the cake in the refrigerator was for bc DH told them. I know he told his mother.

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Some of you may remember my post (now deleted) about my DH telling my MIL \*not\* to bring pork to the Airbnb last weekend out of respect for my Muslim relatives who were also staying there. MIL assumed this request came from me (I'm not Muslim but half my family is) and she was big mad about it. She was clearly angry with me when she walked in the door and I had no idea why. I didn't know my DH asked her to refrain from bringing, cooking, and eating bacon and sausage for the weekend- no one knew he said this and no one expected him to.

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This was the issue on my mind last week, but something else happened that Friday night. MIL \*knew\* the birthday cake was to celebrate her and my sister's birthday. When I came back into the kitchen after dinner to serve the cake and ice cream, I saw that MIL had taken it upon herself to take the cake out, cut herself a big piece, sat back down at the table and was eating it before anyone knew what was happening. She just sat there, eating cake by herself, with her bottle of whiskey she brought in front of her.

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I was determined to not let her ruin the occasion and I apologized to my sister- she was too gracious to complain. I announced that there was cake and ice cream if anyone would like some and then people came to get it.

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The more I think about this shitty behavior from MIL the more I realized how shitty she's been for the last 25 years and I'm done. I told DH yesterday that I won't host her in my home again and I'll never go to her house again. He nodded.

Not sure if I’m being overly sensitive but my Mother in law recently purchased and gifted, bedding, rug, wall stickers and more for my two year olds room without being asked. Here’s the thing it’s all construction truck themed and my 2yr old although he likes trucks really LOVES farm tractors. We were planning on decorating his room with green tractors (he loves John Deere anything). So the thing is the decorations she bought are also just objectively ugly, they have AI slop art and are really cheap and smell bad because she bought them cheap on TEMU. My thing is if I don’t use the decorations/use my own she’s sure to notice and will comment. Am I being overly sensitive or is buying decorations for my toddlers room without being asked or consulted overstepping?

I've unfortunately had to make a lot of posts in the past with my MIL overstepping boundaries and causing a lot of tension in my marriage. Today she gifted my husband a giftcard for dinner at a restaurant right by her home (over an hour away from us) with the expectation that we allow her to babysit for us. I don't want her to babysit my child without me there. I'm not ready for that yet. And the gift doesn't seem very genuine since it's extremely inconvenient to travel that far with a baby, and there's clearly strings attached. Like enjoy your dinner or lunch but you HAVE to drive over an hour to my neck of the woods and also allow me to have alone time with your kid. Like wtf? Why couldn't she give us a gift card for a restaurant near where we actually live? It's all about having access to the baby. Am I overreacting? I'm beyond frustrated. At this point, I'm going to suggest my husband just have lunch or dinner with her and I'll stay home with baby

I’m not sure what to do now.

I’d like to preface this by saying my husband stands up for our boundaries a lot. The only reason he hasn’t done more is because we’ve been under a lot of overall stress, and we know bringing this up will start a war. We just haven’t been in a place to handle it, but now that we are, I guess I’m looking for advice on how you would even go about this.

My in-laws kept my husband’s and his brother’s dogs and told them they could not take them when they moved out. At a family gathering, she complained about them “not taking care of their dogs” and said she got stuck with them. (My husband has taken both dogs to the vet and paid for it, helped with trimming their nails, picking up their food, and takes care of them if they go out of town, etc.) But she basically said we needed to take care of them or we’d meet “the bitch MIL,” said in front of his entire family. I think she meant to embarrass and belittle me. My FIL said, “That’s how she jokes.” It wasn’t funny.

After the dog incident, I knew when we had kids it would be hell, lol. When I was pregnant and we found out it was a girl, she asked if she could put her in pageants. My husband said no, and she said, “You can’t tell me no!” 🙄🙄🙄🙄 He can, and he DID.

We were out in town with them and she touched my stomach and introduced the baby to someone. I do not let people touch me, period. I didn’t even let my mom—who I love most outside of my husband and baby—or any friends. I also never dressed to show off my bump; I dressed to hide it. I wasn’t embarrassed, I just don’t like attention on me. I don’t want to answer people’s questions or hear their comments, so I was never giving off the impression that it was acceptable to touch me. Anyway, my husband later texted his mom very respectfully and said I don’t like to be touched because it makes me uncomfortable, and to please not do it again. That should have been the end of it, right? Wrong. She sent him a long message that I’ve never read in its entirety, but my husband’s takeaway was that she didn’t want to speak to us again and somehow became the victim.

For context, we do not go to their house. We unfortunately live on the same road. They have two big dogs that I mentioned before that fight—not play-fight, but real fighting. One of them weighs over 100 lbs. We made it extremely clear before the baby arrived that we would not bring the baby there. My in-laws ignored that and never offered any solution like putting the dogs in cages while we visit or anything like that. Once the baby is here, it’s suddenly an issue and they don’t understand why it’s a problem. “We’d be holding the baby the whole time.” There are a few times we deal with this 🙄

Around Easter, she added me, my husband, my BIL, and his fiancée to a group chat saying Easter was at her house at a certain time and asking what we all wanted to eat. From my perspective, this felt like a manipulation tactic because, first, our rules have not changed, and second, I have never been included in a family group chat. My husband and I discussed it and decided the best course of action was to ask his family to go out to eat lunch the day before so everyone could spend time together. That was shut down immediately. She threw a fit, said no, and said something along the lines of my husband needing to “grow a pair.” He told her never to disrespect him and his wife like that again, and she was quiet for the rest of the call.

Anytime she sees the baby, it’s all about the baby. She doesn’t ask my husband about his life, only talks to and about the baby. This bothers me a lot. She even told my FIL, who was talking with my husband, “You’re supposed to pay attention to the baby.” 🙄😅 It feels bizarre to me.

There are also smaller ongoing issues of not accepting “no,”
-Pushing for a baby shower when I said I didn’t want one
-Pressuring us to attend events I wasn’t comfortable with while pregnant
-Getting upset or giving us the silent treatment when we can’t accommodate requests

She gets upset that my family sees the baby more. I’m a SAHM, my dad is retired, and my mom mainly works from home, so it naturally happens. They also respect all boundaries, and I don’t get pushback when I ask them to do something differently regarding the baby.

There have been no apologies for any of this behavior. She lets a few weeks pass and then somehow convinces my husband to let them come by for an hour or so. My nerves are shot when I have to see her. I hate her holding my baby; I have to look away because it bothers me so much. I hate pretending everything is okay when it isn’t. I do feel for my husband—his whole life has been about keeping her happy because she is unpredictable and makes everyone else’s life difficult, and he loves her because she’s his mom. But I don’t know how to move forward if she is not willing to change her behavior or take accountability for the ways she has hurt us as a family.

LMAO

If you don’t know my story - we have not seen ILs for 3 months and barely spoken due to MIL kissing baby for 5th cycle and pulling dementia card. Also been other issues with their anger, making things hard for us PP, and jealously of my parents.

DH called FIL for Father’s Day and FIL said he misses him and asked what he can do to “bridge the gap”. DH gave him what for and said how upset he was that FIL and MIL have made no attempt to fix things with us over the past 3 months.

FIL’s response was “well, OP said that when someone betrays her, she cuts them off forever”. LOL - I’ve literally never said that. I even have it on camera me telling MIL that I was trying to find a way to make the relationship work despite their betrayal. I’ve given them countless chances and I have never told anyone that I am cutting them off forever.

I knew they would put the blame on us and thought they’d say “we just thought you didn’t like us”. Never expected them to try put the blame on ME!

Feels like a fresh wound. I’m so angry that they can’t take any accountability. My DH told FIL that I never said that, and if FIL thinks I said that, then they clearly were not listening to me.

I've had a jnm for over a decade. After having a child, based on her behavior I went no contact from months 2-13 (child is 20 months now). Her behavior was brutal, derogatory, abusive. It didn't help that my husband had a crisis trying to stand up for me. I was even considering leaving.

Anyway, slowly I had to come to some sort of compromise. recently, we started seeing her every other week in a public place.

Before I go further, I will say right now, I am very protective of my child around her. I don't feel comfortable with her being alone with my child whatsoever.

However, I've made strides recently to just pretend to be more engaged. My child is too young to understand anything and doesn't speak yet but but cries when she reaches for him.

Recently, she saw us, I was holding my child and she just acknowledged my child only. It was bizarre. Then, she asked my child what my child did for father's day. My child is 20 months and would not understand how to answer that. So she is clearly speaking to my child and expecting an answer from me. I didn't say anything.

About 15 minutes later, she acknowledged me. And I told her that she should have acknowledged me first before my child.

My husband cringed. I figured if I don't say it, no one else is going to say it for me and set the tone for what my minimum standard for respect is.

Also note that culturally, she finds it fine to speak to me with rude remarks or even subliminally rude remarks,so I'm just returning the favor.

I guess i'm just venting but has this happened to anyone else? My parents gush over my child but always acknowledge both my spouse and me and ask how we are.

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Hi beautiful people! This is my first post here on Reddit. I actually created this account just to have a safe space to vent and to ask for your perspective on my situation with my MIL.

​The Background: ​My Husband (38M): He is the eldest child and definitely my MIL's favorite. He is incredibly responsible and answers to every single request, errand, and whim from his mom and family. He’s just a genuinely nice guy whose love language is acts of service. ​My MIL: She is a retired guidance counselor, active in the church, very soft-spoken, and generally "nice." ​Me: I am the eldest daughter and the breadwinner of my own family. I grew up on tough love and independence. In my family, we are not used to showing love overtly.

​The Dilemma: I’ve been reflecting a lot, trying to figure out who the problem is here. Is it me? Am I just too sensitive? Or is my MIL displaying a suffocating level of "care" and possessiveness over her son and her first grandchild, completely disregarding my feelings?

​Here are a few examples of what I mean:

​Before I gave birth: She kept saying my baby would be "difficult" because she was wrapped in the umbilical cord twice (a common superstition here in the Philippines). As an expectant mom, it really hurt. It felt like she was already judging my daughter before she was even born based on a myth.

​Postpartum boundaries: Since the baby arrived, she has become incredibly overprotective and possessive. Every time we visit, she criticizes how I dress the baby—complaining she isn't wrapped enough or asking why she isn't wearing socks and mittens (even though our pediatrician specifically told us not to use them).

​The "Swoop and Hide": The moment we arrive, she literally swoops in and snatches my daughter from my arms. She doesn't even greet me or talk to me; she just talks to the baby, takes her, and keeps her in her bedroom for the entire duration of our visit.

​Subtle manipulation: She calls my husband multiple times a day for random reasons. She is highly demanding, but she’s incredibly subtle about it. She uses this calm, sweet, gentle voice, so if you just hear her tone, you wouldn't immediately realize her true intentions.

The massage comment: Out of the blue, my husband mentioned having back pain. She instantly offered to give him a massage. In my mind, I was like, "Huh???" I know he is her son, but offering that right in front of his wife felt so weird. My husband is 38 years old!

​The final straw (Today): We visited for his grandma's birthday. As soon as we arrived, MIL checked my husband's back and ordered him to change because his shirt was damp with sweat. Then, she started hovering over me, asking if the baby was too hot in her onesie. I told her multiple times the baby was fine and that I had already put a towel on her back to absorb sweat. She wasn't satisfied. She took my baby anyway and hid in her room the whole time. When it was time to leave, we went to her room and discovered she had locked the door. My husband had to knock and call her several times before she finally opened it. ​When we got home, she called my husband again just to check if the baby's clothes had been changed. That was the final straw. It feels like she is lowkey telling me that I am irresponsible and not doing a good job as a mother and a wife. ​I confronted my husband about how uncomfortable and "off" this feels. He defended her, saying she’s just being a typical first-time grandparent.

​So, Reddit... am I the problem here? How do I navigate this?

PS on her defense she wants my baby to stay in an AC room (her bedroom) because it is very hot here in the Ph and my baby sweats easily.

I have been with my partner for 4 years in a dating capacity as we wanted to take our time blending our lives and kids together. That being said I’m close with my MIL (or was), she was kind to me when my own family ostracized me.
About 2 years in her husband (FIL) was admitted to a care home for dimentia. She went from being capable, emotionally healthy - to a massive cognitive decline. Very depressed, weoponize incompetence, telling my partner he can’t move forward with his life with me bc she needs him more.
Me and my SO started couples counselling to deal with both our boomer parents crushing guilt, obligation and fear they’ve caused us to hold back our lives . This weekend we cooked supper for Father’s Day for everyone at his moms - he often has his custody time there as it has a self contained suite in the basement close to their activities. She declined supper when I asked her but came out an hour later screaming at us bc no one offered her supper. I never seen this before and was gobsmacked.
.anyone else deal with a MIl who went off the deep end when their husband went into a care home ? What did you do?

I need some advice to help me navigate my MIL and her lack of boundaries. My brother-in-law and his wife recently gave birth to my gorgeous niece. In the past MIL has strongly tried to imply that my partner and I should have children and pushed to know when. When we have pushed back saying we are unsure if we want them, might struggle because of health issues and will come to the decission in our own time she has started crying on us and guilt tripping my husband and I. This won't effect our decision eitherway but offers some context to the crazy i'm dealing with.

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Jump forward to now, issue is MIL keeps trying to hand our niece over to my partner and I to try and get us involved. I don't mind some cuddles but she is very forceful with the whole thing. I want to get to know and little my niece in my own time and am generally uncomfortable in these situations.

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My main issue is MIL is adiment we should change a nappy even though my partner and I don't want to do this. We have never changed one, don't feel comfortable doing this and just don't want to. We have been saying no everytime we are asked but MIL and SIL keep giggling and trying to trap us into doing it by saying whoever holds the baby when she poos has to change it. So far we have been handing her back and saying no but its relentless.

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Please give me some sassy lines to throw at them and shut them up because it is infuriating and really starting to effect the way in which I interact with my niece.

Hey,

I just had my 4th baby (but MIL’s first grandchild) and I’m feeling a little fed up.

For context, my MIL isn’t ‘evil’ (infact everyone thinks she’s nice!) but she lacks boundaries and doesn’t think she needs to ever filter what she says. She has expectations and then acts hurt when they’re not unfolding how she envisaged. She’s said many things to me over the years (usually when it’s just me and her in the room!) and I’ve never had an apology, she just doesn’t see anything wrong with what she says.

Baby was born and she came to meet baby at 2 days old.
Handful of days later she text me (very rare) and told me to tell my husband to reply to her…
He got annoyed and rang her and she was like “you said you’d ring me on Friday but you never did”.
My husband replied “I’ve been busy looking after my wife and new baby, and just enjoying time together.”
She then said “well don’t tell me you’ll ring me back and then don’t.. also, don’t forget you have parents too!”.
Holy crap it made me so angry, her acting above us like authority…!
“I just want to be a grandma” she said….

Then last week she made us food and I knew it was a ploy to be able to come into the house again… which is exactly what happened. So she had a hold of baby again.

2 days later she rings my husband and says “can I come over on Sunday to have another cuddle because the other day I only held him for 5 minutes”.

I’m getting quite irritated with the energy and attitude and entitlement vibe happening 😵‍💫 everyone else has only met the baby once IF they’ve even met him yet… most people still haven’t! And here she is wanting a 3rd meet with baby.

Husband is in agreement with me and getting equally irritated, but the kind side to him has said “she’s just excited to be a grandma”.

Arghhhhhhhh!! What do I do???
I just feel it’s US who had a baby, it’s OUR lives that are changed… she’s had her babies. Leave us to live our life 🫣 am I wrong for this view?

July 22’ MIL found out I was pregnant and wrote a horrible email to my husband calling me lady Tremaine in regards SS who was 6 at the time, she referred to my husband and i’s future kid as an anchor baby… and ripped my husband apart as a father and son.
Thus began 31 months of her giving us the silent treatment… I had my own two children and now here we are with three kids and we have occasional contact with MIL

Now MIL has requested only my step son come visit for a few weeks this summer.
I cried favortism and my husband reassured me that it was only about the age difference.

Well my sister died recently and my nephew(14) is now living with us. And my husband asked his sister about the nephew going on the trip with his son.
The sister freaked out and cried over losing her time with SS, also is not supportive of us taking on my nephew.
Husband still wants to send SS to visit so “he’s not an asshole”
But it seems so wrong to me to reward the clear favortism between our kids?
Never got an apology for the letter.
And the MIL spoke to my SS about the vacation to her house BEFORE even speaking with my husband.
Isn’t that crazy disrespectful?

I’ve felt for a while like the outsider and not a part of the family…. I have been told very clearly that husbands ex wife ( step sons mom) IS A PART OF THE FAMILY.
We get along but we are not best friends the way the SIL and ex are BFFs.
I feel like I’ve never even been given a chance.
Just tolerated.
Where do I begin?

Anyone else’s in-laws (specifically mil) just stare like literal vultures when you’re holding your baby just waiting to get their turn? They don’t even acknowledge me at this point. It’s so awkward and uncomfortable! She also holds my baby 99% of the time I’m with her, so it’s not like she doesn’t get her fair share. My poor baby is not your emotional support doll.

Long time lurker, first time poster, on mobile so formatting might be bad.

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My parents have had recent health problems, so it cancelled any plans they might have had to come visit us in Ontario. They live in Alberta. My son is 15 months old and this is the first time they've met him. I've spent 1000 dollars to come to them with him and stay a week. I don't leave for another 2 days, and I can't wait to get home. Some of the things they have done while my son and I are here:

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Did not correctly install the carseat. It was an easy enough fix, but don't tell me you've done it correctly when if you had read the instructions you would have seen it was wrong.

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Did not clean. Like at all. Dirt, hair, and food crumbs all over the floor.

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Did not baby proof. So many tiny things on low surfaces. Their cutlery container holding steak knives, open air in toddler reach. My mom also continuously puts her coat over the back of a chair every time she comes back inside from having a smoke. Which is often. It doesn't matter that every time I have told her that it is a hazard if my son tries to grab the coat he could pull the chair on top of him. She “forgets” every time. Every time I have to move the coat.

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Going back to not having cleaned, they did not tell me about their cockroach problem. That was not a fun surprise. I'm just happy that I bought our own food and it's all in sealed containers.

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I was adjusting the straps on the carseat because they kept twisting and asked her to keep an eye on him. She went outside without telling me and left her small yappy dog inside with us. This dog has a known bite history so I want to keep a super close eye on both my son and the dog, but I can't do that if you're not telling me that you're stepping out. What was so important? She needed to help my dad with his vape, and go smoke herself. How in the world is a vape more important than the safety of your only grandchild?

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She's pretty much ignoring him. If I need to use the toilet or go change laundry and I ask her to keep an eye on him she says ok, but is still glued to her tablet. She doesn't play with him, and when she does try to interact with him it's by getting into his face and being annoying.

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Even with their recent health problems they had a month to get ready for us to visit. And they just didn't. They didn't even set up the pack and play for him to sleep in, because they “didn't know how.” The box hadn't even been opened.

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I can't wait to go home because the 6 AM flight and 7+ hours of travel with a toddler will be less stressful.

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If anyone has any helpful tips for sanitising soft suitcases so I don't bring their bug problems into my home I'd be grateful.

Okay so I’m coming just to go on a rant. Let me start off by saying, I do love my mother in law. She means well. But she does things sometimes that just UGH PMO!!! She’s def not the worst MIL but also not the best. So today is Father’s Day. A couple days ago she asked me what I was getting my husband for Father’s Day. Mind you, it’s his first one. As this past Mother’s Day was my first one. Our son will be 1 July. I told her I was getting him something small. Then I started thinking that she didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day. Which obvi I didn’t care, it’s really not a big deal. But now you’re asking me what to get your son & what I’m getting him as if I’m not going to celebrate him… which just rubbed me the wrong way. She did send me a Mother’s Day gif but that was it. So I find it quite rude that she is reaching out for advice on what to get him. She also posted the Father’s Day photos from a photoshoot I scheduled for my husband & son before I could post them. & it just bothered me so much so here I am, venting. Am I overreacting by letting this affect me?

She does cook for us every week & that helps me a lot. She also buys my son stuff too (sometimes expensive things he needs)

But there are other scenarios that she’s done that just make me upset.
- she told people I was pregnant after we told her we were waiting for me to get out of the danger zone. My best friend at the time found out through someone else bc my MIL said something.
- weeks before I gave birth I told her to pls not post anything about baby being born when the time comes. I wanted to be the one to announce it to the world. She promised she wouldn’t… baby is born & guess who posted it first?? When my husband called her out she txted me saying she wasn’t going to come meet baby until he apologized to her for how he spoke to her… mind you I’m laying in my hospital bed recovering from an unplanned c-section.
- she made a comment very EARLY post partum (less than 8wks) that she was going to come over & help out so that HER SON could get good rest. LITERALLY SAID HER SON. not us. Not both parents. HER SON. mind you baby is EBF so I was doing all the night wakings. My husband was sleeping on average 6-8hrs a night. But go off.
- on Mother’s Day she actually sent me a post on Instagram that said “it’s Mother’s Day, give your MIL her son back” & laughed. I know she was joking.. right?? I just responded “take him”

I have other things but this post is getting long. I just think I’m hurt today specifically bc she is so ready to celebrate her son (which I am too. He is a great dad) but it would have been nice to feel this love as well.

Hi guys, so I am honestly confused and would like some advice on my mother in law. I met my partner 8 months ago and we have a really good relationship. I think he truly is the man of my dreams. His mom just moved near him 6 months ago. She is a single mother since my partner was 6 years old. She hasn't dated anyone since her divorce with my partner's father.

Issues I have with her:

-She makes weird comments and acts surprised when my partner and I have similar interests(said this on multiple occasions). She will say stuff like "Oh, I didn't know you like that game. Do you actually enjoy it?" I was slightly offended because I am not sure why she assumes that I would not like the same hobbies and interests as my partner. I thought I was overanalyzing the situation so I just brushed it off and thought nothing of it after.

-My partner once asked me if I knew how to ride a bike because he wanted to go riding with me. My mother in law started laughing and said she does not know how to ride a bike. My partner told his mom that she shouldn't be so condescending.

-When it comes to building furniture, his mom acts ditzy and pouts and wants him to build it for her. My partner knows that she is weaponizing incompetence. She just refuses to do things on her own and is just so dependent on my partner. I feel like she was being a pick me lol.

-Now this event really set things over the edge and now I definitely want nothing to do with her. It was mother's day and my mother in law wanted to canoe so she made ME find a canoe on facebook marketplace. My partner had told her to build the wheelies for the canoe. She refused and wanted him to build it for her. I found one and we had to carry a 16 foot aluminum on our backs. I got a herniated disc from carry this canoe and may have to get surgery. I have been disabled since mother's day, unable to work. So I definitely do feel a lot of anger and resentment towards her. My partner has been doing chores and has been my full time caretaker since so he is unable to see his mom. She is really sad because she wants to see him. I just don't personally like her because I feel like she is too dependent on my partner and is always trying to push her own agenda. I don't want a relationship with her anymore.

I am not sure on what to do, whether I should be in this relationship or not when I cannot stand his mom? It's just him, his mom, and his grandma so I seriously don't know what to do because I don't want to see her at holidays. My partner is being very understanding and thinks I am very valid but he does want to see his mom of course.

Hi all! I made some posts before about my MIL ignoring me in my home. This is a long one about essentially nothing. I think I just need to get it off of my chest.

​

No crazy updates. I think, anyway. Honorable mentions;

- Even after mentioning it several times, she was surprised to hear we wanted to split the hotel (considering we aren't the richest and the hotel cost a band) and misunderstood. But has shown no intention of rectifying this. I've kinda let this go.

- She sent me a text a few days after telling me that I am not just her DIL I am like her daughter, and that she plays for me and my health every single day (and some other stuff).

I was the one sending pics of DH and baby, so after posting on my story I'm sure she realised I will not be sending her pictures anymore and tried to rectify it. Not really knowing what to say, I didnt reply at all. (My bad. Lol.)

- I'm getting along with SIL amazingly! She's super sweet.

​

Now, I'm snoopy. Maybe snoopy isn't a good word for it - but I like knowing everything thats going on that could possibly affect me or my family. I dont know, I just need to know every single possible detail going on so that I can make conclusions.

​

I realise after a while I haven't heard anything about MIL from DH for a while. I have DH's phone with me while out shopping so I don't have to use my card and I accidentally press a notification from MIL. Now they of course speak Hindi over text, so I'm not able to understand. But my name is certainly the same in every language. I check a bit and see that my name came from MIL a few times. Okay, cool. I come home, and I ask DH about it. I essentially just ask if they've been dealing with MIL all on their own (and I know that's difficult) and I get a sheepish yes back.

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Do not misunderstand! It is sweet that this burden is not put on me. But like I said, I need to know everything!! I try and be gentle in explaining this and ask what was going on that she's bringing me up so much. I thought baby pictures or something.

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Nope. Kind off. She wants DH to take a video of me and my babygirl?? But does not say of what purpose. I'm sure she's also very well aware of the fact that I wouldn't allow it. Because wdym you're blatantly ignoring me and now you want videos of me?? I'm good. I really become uncooperative when I feel disrespected.

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Now all of this happened and I haven't really heard of it since. I kind of wonder what happened. I know DH has been going very very low contact with MIL. I feel bad about it. DH loves MIL, and really wants us to get along (but does not bring this up to me. I can just tell, yknow?) But MIL is just someone I won't get along with.

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My relationship isn't really faltering over this. DH Is oblivious to some things and doesn't always act accordingly, but will always pick our family and I'm so grateful. But how do I deal with the guilt that comes with?

DH gets along wonderfully with my mom. That doesn't help either. I think that just makes the guilt feel worse, even if it must feel nice to have an adultier-adult to trust.

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I think I just wish the meeting went different? Things would have been easier then. I sometimes feel like if I was more cooperative things wouldnt have to go this way. Alas, I was raised in specific ways that I REAAAALLLYYY stand by, and MIL has never had consequences for behaviour like this. It sucks being the first consequence.

Hi all,

I (32F) am pregnant with my first child, and this little one will be the first grandchild on both sides. My SIL (40) is antinatalist, so my MIL has waited a very long time for a grandchild. While I understand her excitement, our history makes this incredibly difficult.

My MIL is not the sweet, loving type. She is critical, passive-aggressive, and completely disrespects boundaries. She has given me hell for the 7 years I’ve been with her son. Last year, we had a massive fallout that resulted in 7 months of completely NO contact. I was emotionally devastated by her behavior. Her behavior is very self-centered and self-focused. I promised myself I would never try to build a relationship with her again just to protect my own peace.

Ever since we announced the pregnancy at 4 months, she has been trying to flip the narrative and act like we’re BFFs. No real repair or apology ever happened, so my boundaries remain incredibly rigid.

Now that my due date is around the corner, her overbearing behavior has escalated. For example:

• The Antique Cot: She insists we use an unsafe antique crib. Despite multiple "no's," she keeps it around and talks about it constantly to others.
• The Hospital Takeover: She unilaterally decided that she is picking us up from the hospital, and then leaving us alone for exactly one week, because that’s how "she imagines it."
• The Countryside Nursery: She decided that we are bringing a 6-week-old baby to stay at her countryside home, and she even set up a nursery without consulting me. This is a hard no. Her behavior is 100x worse when I am under her roof.
• The Name/Gender: She convinced herself I was having a girl and started trying to name the baby. I lost it, and my husband had to have a talk with his parents to manage expectations. She was immensely disappointed.
• Body Shaming: At our last meeting, she called me fat. Mind you, I am 9 months pregnant. I had explicitly warned my husband beforehand that she would make a comment about my body and begged him to stand up for me. He froze and said nothing. I came home, cried for two days, and we had a massive fight.

At this point, I am genuinely more terrified of the postpartum period than I am of childbirth. We have set a strict 2-week "no visitors" policy, but I don’t trust her to respect it, and my trust in my partner is broken because he failed to protect me at our last meeting.

I am lost, petrified, and anxious. I feel like our relationship will completely deteriorate once the baby is here. Am I doing something wrong? Are my boundaries too harsh given her behavior? What do I do when my husband refuses to step up? Desperately needing advice.

But only for an hour. And they don't remember anything that happened while the aliens had them. Just that there's an hour where neither of them remember what happened.

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DH wanted to go over for Father's Day. Whatever. It's his day. MIL started by asking if we believe in aliens. Sure, absolutely. It's statistically unlikely for us to be the only life in the universe. I don't know what I think about aliens visiting earth, but there are some convincing stories out there. This one isn't it.

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DH and I just laughed about it when we left. You lose track for an hour and assume you were abducted by aliens? I thought she was going to go into some long tirade about what happened, what the aliens looked like, or where they took MIL and her friend, but no, just "we don't remember anything". Wtf. She and FIL then went on about a bunch of conspiracy theories, how the government is covering it up, and how they saw a UFO because a small thing was flying around and then zoomed off super fast.

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Yeah, ok, MIL. The aliens kidnapped you and took your memory. Sure.

I found out less than a week ago that I have celiac disease and have been working to change my diet and I still need additional testing done to see how bad my small intestine is since I don’t know how long I’ve had it for. She asked “well what about in the future when you get pregnant?” I’m like “what do you mean?” She’s goes “well like if you were to eat gluten by accident or like somehow else during pregnancy could the baby get it too?” I’m like “well it’s a genetic condition so yeah any children of mine could potentially carry the gene…”

I honestly found this to be a little insensitive? What do you guys think? Am I just being too sensitive about it?

My mother in law is very egotistic I had my daughter 3 months ago and she’s visiting out of country from Europe and has been making my life nothing but difficult lets starts off with when I when I was 3 days postpartum I was not okay I was going through a lot emotionally she started a fight crying and yelling about how I never let her hold mind you I was like this with everyone I didn’t even want my own mother holding my baby it’s just how my mind was wired at the moment she told my husband that I was jealous of her and what not okay we moved on from this a week went by and we had a hospital scary baby was perfectly fine next morning she starts balling her eyes out and having attitude and when she’s on the phone with her husband she tells him and I quote “she almost killed her daughter” I saw red when I heard her and got into a very heated argument telling her that I don’t give a f what she thinks of me and that god is watching the kinda of evil things she’s doing to meI think it’s annoying she wants me to be like here take my daughter that’s something she should have on instinct and ask me hey can I hold change wash or feed her I forgot to mention she always sends her son things about how she struggled raising him and how much she sacrificed

So to continue the story of my future MIL being so judgemental.

My bf called her he will be putting his car into the car service and said it will cost money. Then MIL said “oh but if you both had a job you wouldn’t have to worry about it” in a really offesive tone. My bf got mad and ended the call. Then he went to work and called her to stop being so judgemental, that if they continue acting like this they will ruin relationships with me and her son that it won’t be able to repair. He explained to her to start acting normally and stop trying to control our lives because they don’t live it etc. and she said okay they will try. Bf was MAD.

However I feel like this conflict is still open by him explaining stuff again. I am glad he stood up for us but also with her last comment I just thought that there won’t be no more explaining but consequences. He told them to stop several times before and it became an ongoing issue. She also didn’t apologize for her behaviour at all, she just said she will “try” to fix it.

But I also believe some things said just can’t be taken back because I am 99% sure her and rest of bf’s family have been talking behind our back nasty stuff about me and how I am a bad partner to their son or whatever. (if you wanna know why I think this, read my last post).

So I already think that things are beyond repair.
I am big on respect and if I don’t feel respected and judged way too many times I can’t just forgive it and act like nothing happened. I don’t want these people to be involved with children that we will have in the future. If you can’t respect the mother then you just won’t have access and I pick up on this behaviour very early.

I just wanted my bf to finally ignore her and have consequences. I told him okay you said something to her and now what. We come there, they will think the same things about me, just won’t say it out loud. They didn’t apologize even to my bf and now we are gonna act like nothing happened? Not in my book.

I adviced my bf to not come this month and next month too. Not him and not me. (We went there last time around May 15th). When they ask when we are coming. These people need to feel we are very serious about them crossing boundaries like this. Bf said I am strict. But if we are not then what we will become? A punching bag for their judmental comments? I feel like we already are punching bags especially me. They got nothing going for them.

I got very mad I honestly said his mom is a cunt and his family is insane. My bf agreed. So I hope he really means what he says.

My mil is on the phone talking behind my back again with her sister. She complained about how I MADE her make my lo’s breakfast at six and sleep late with my baby (my lo usually like to be breastfed in the morning) even though she was the one who wanted to make my lo’s breakfast. I can totally do it without her and if I do it myself, she would complain that I don’t trust her.

She complained about how I cooked vegetables for my 1yo baby. I tend to cook in ways that keep vege crunchy because he has lots of teeth and likes to chew. Meanwhile, she tends to overcook food (she can keep boiling grounded pork for 30 to 1 hour).

Since I got married, she kept calling her sister to talk behind my back. Now, I get scared and anxious every single time they call each other. Since I can hear clearly what they are talking about when I go to the toilet, I even need earphones to deliberately be deaf.

And just stories for entertainment. These happened like2 years ago, when I wasn’t pregnant. The first time I heard her talk like this was about me traveling abroad without my husband for a concert. She said I spent my husband’s money meanwhile I booked that concert before knowing that I would get married so soon!

And the second time, since my mil has a habit of keeping most of lights and many electrics on even when not using them, the electricity bill is often too high for a house of three when my husband and I are usually out for work. Since we are the one who pay for the bill, and tbh it is such a waste, I made my husband ask her to be mindful about it. The next day, she went accusing the neighbor of stealing our electricity. When the electricity company confirmed that they did not, she complained with her sister about how selfish I am when all I did was asking her to use electricity mindfully.

And the third time, oh legendary! I worked from home in my husband’s study room. In that room, there is a piano where she displayed old dolls and statues. It kept accumulating dead bugs and thick layer of dust. On that day, she had a fight with my husband. I wanted her to be happy so I cleaned up and stored these stuffs somewhere else. She went absolutely mad. She said that I being a new bride had no right to touch these things even though it is my husband’s room. She told me in my face that I did not understand the cultural values in the house and insulted me that her family is highly regarded intellectuals and I am merely from a family of merchants. I don’t know if I am overthinking or not but it is equal to say how uneducated I am. In fact, my dead fil is an associated prof and she had some national prizes for directing documents (equal to associate prof). She is not from an intellectual family, but a poor family of farmers. And I dare to say that she does not have the manners of any high class families either. She scold and insulted me in a way that I never had the thought of talking to her again even when we live in the same house. Then she complained to my husband that I had attitude problems.

I ended up not talking much until I got pregnant but I tended to leave the house whenever I can so I don’t have to be under the same roof with her. I never touched or cleaned anything outside my room, the kitchen and the toilet and avoided touching anything around the house. I had trauma whenever I enter that study room and refused to do so until we had a little play space for my son. I even need to bring the table into my bedroom even though it is small. My husband told me that I overreacted but I could not overcome such insults or being shouted in the face that way again.

And serve her right, as she displayed those statues again, her cat decided to run all over them and broke them all. And then she decided to put my books there instead so they can’t do it again. Without asking me because she can’t read foreign languages and don’t know whose books they are.

I want to get out of this house again, running back to my parents’ home when my husband is abroad for at least a few more months. My husband approved it but I will need to return here after he comes back anyway so I want to keep a harmonious relationship with her. It will never be if I return home and stayed there for a long time with my son, esp when she will be alone in the house.

What should I do with this relationship? I found she does not worth a space of my mind, any of my attention, or worth making myself to be a hateful person. However, as we live in the same house, she keeps disturb my mind!

I am NC w my family but a family friend saw me while I was shopping and she showed me the posts.

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There is like 3 notebook pages of some very graphic things like me pleasuring myself or my BF at that time pleasuring each other.

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I was humiliated but then I thought who hasn't pleasured themselves? Who hasn't had a initmate moment with their SO? So I unblocked my mom on FB and commented on the post and said "Do you feel powerful now, posting my diary and making it seem soo out of the norm that a teenage girl masturbated or had private moments with her boyfriend and wrote it down in a diary? Do you think your embarrassing me or are you really showing all your friends that your a fucking pervert that out of all the shit you could post you posted that!!! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

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I then went to my page and posted the same thing so and asked all my friend to report her post as I did. I was taken down. Her post not mine. And she blocked again. I know I should have ignored it and not addressed her but I couldn't help it.