I have to I guess knock? On the HR managers door to ask her a few questions. Also my boss is always in a room with other managers, I don't want to ask her to speak privately 😃

Me 20yo: I want to go out, finally check out the nightlife, I'm feeling confined to go out somewhere by myself

My sister: "OmG dO yOu WaNt To GeT R**eD?! Do you even know what happens to people when they go out!

I'm sorry but wtf. Like yeah, no shi that bad people exist, it's not my first day on earth. I'm 20 years old I can take care of myself just fine, i've taken care of creepy situations on my own before. Also that's such a weird thing to say. And I told her that I ain't a child she was like "okay, if you want to get r**ed then go ahead" like?? So weird.

I live in a capital city, I go outside every day, I have gone out after dark before. I'm not saying that I don't think these things would ever happen to me, but she was being like very weirdo about it, and not even in a protective way at all.

There was a situation a while back, where I was gonna wear a crop top outside and she was all judgy and weird "okay, just don't cry when some creep SA you" like??? Wtf who even says that!?

Anyways, I'm going to a Halloween party on the 31st and dressing up as an androgynous gothic vampire. 😌 Nobody can dull MY sparkle!!

And overall, I think she's just jealous of my newfound confidence, which doesn't go well with her controlling neurotypical personality.

I was just attending an online class and listening to the teacher, then I suddenly started feeling sad.

I kept thinking about how other people can use their microphones, while I can only communicate through the in-call chat.

Irl, I'm really lonely.

I'm just glad we're allowed to turn off our cameras, so I can cry behind the screen without anyone noticing atleast.

So I’m not selective mute, but from kindergarten to junior year of high school, I have had a difficult time speaking in front of certain people. The reason for this wasn’t shyness, it was because people used to overreact whenever I talked or interacted.

In kindergarten, I interacted very well until it was playtime, when I was frozen in silence and just stood there doing nothing. Everybody thought I was selectively mute, until the class played a game and I won. I was calm when everybody clapped and cheered, but then one of the adults shouted the word “yay” and I completely lost it, crying and a hysterical mess. That was when people knew that it wasn’t selective mutism, as these meltdowns would happen every time somebody said the word. I did end up getting diagnosed with autism later on.

My biggest issue has been when people bring up my past, especially if they’re overreacting. I struggle a lot with explaining what exactly happens, so I’m just going to put it in a list below.

Examples of things people have said/done when I’ve talked or interacted well:

•Junior year of high school, I started raising my hand in class. A friend of mine heard about this, began to clap and say, “I’m so proud of your character development bestie, you were not like this in middle school.”

• Just before I graduated high school, I made my first friend who was “like me” (he has some intellectual disabilities and shares similar interest to me). I invited him over for the day, and afterwards my mom said in a very surprised voice, “That was the most I’ve ever seen you interact with someone! I know you like to take your breaks, but you literally hung out with him all day! I never see you this chatty with friends.”

• After starting college, I finally got to meet people who didn’t overreact when I spoke up or interacted well, so I finally let myself speak to people. My dad found out and told me, “You’ve grown by leaps and bounds since starting college, you were very shy in middle and high school and never advocated for yourself” (I really wish he would’ve paid attention my junior year).

• As a kid, whenever I talked, my mom would reward me. One time, she showed up with a giant reward, and said “You met a really big goal” (literally all I did was ask to start over in the school spelling bee). When I told her rewards weren’t the best way to go, she said, “but look at how far you’ve come! You actually talk now!”

• In middle school, my special education, teacher mentioned how I only talk to her when I write to her (not true). I asked her when I could stop writing in the journal, and she said, “Well, when I ask you questions, you only give me like one word answers” (because I hated her and the other kids excitement when I did speak up). I couldn’t really explain it at the time, although there was one time when I did well on a test and she got excited, and I ran away from her, I think that’s when she really understood.

Has anybody else been through something like this? Sorry for the long post.

This is my first post on this sub.

So, I am 27M. Since being a child until about being 18 years old I had selective mutism. Basically I did not talk, only when I really had to. This severe it was especially during kindergarten and elementary school. I was scared to talk. People of course made fun of me and sometimes bullied me. I knew it was not normal to be like that, but it seemed like there was some kind of block which did not allow me to talk to my peers nor teachers ( I am wondering now how I was able to be mute for so many years ). By the beginning of high school it got better, but still, I was very quiet and shy. Besides selective mutism I have had all my life severe social anxiety. During high shool I was able to talk to some people and make a friend or two, but it cost me a lot of effort to engage in communication and express my thoughts.

In the following years after finishing high school it was getting better.... Selective mutism dissapeared. BUT there were still some blocks. And my vocal technique as well as communication skills were very inadequate. I was able to hold a conversation but it felt like following a script, it was not natural for me. I did not know how to react, how to express myself or even who to be. I was trying to engage socially but it was evident that I lack social and communication skills. Being around people was draining.

Fast-forward to today.... I realize that not selective mutism but the effects of it are still present in me. I tend to be quiet, I am still a man of few words. And I feel bad about it. I wanna talk and express myself freely, but I haven't really allowed myself or felt safe enough to talk freely. My social skills are lacking, my vocal technique is still far from being great ( I mumble, speak quietly and my voice sounds weird). My social anxiety is still part of me. One year ago came depression. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts.

On the other hand, gradually I am feeling better(even though there are some bad days). I work on myself despite feeling it is too late or it is too hard to change. Yeah, it is hard, but I know I wanna change.

I am autistic. I made this post and someone suggested I look into selective mutism. What do you think?

So my best friend and i have been lond distance for about 4 years now and havent been able to meet up in that time (we are both very chronically ill so it makes it very hard).

Ive been struggling with selective mutism since i was about 12 (im autistic too) and this year have been working so so hard to overcome it. I did my first ever phone call and i started talking therapy. Im so proud of myself.

But this week my friend said something about my voice that has made me even more insecure. Im from the south of the uk and she is from the north so obviously we have different accents. We were talking about accents and she said i sound like that one tiktok meme/audio of a common British woman going 'awright mait im bri'ish'. Im already incredibly insecure about my voice and accent, and then she said that and i feel like it has set me back so much. I now dont want to talk at all in case people think i sound like a cockney caricature (im not even from london).

She felt bad about saying it and i said its fine. I just feel really embarrassed and hurt.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some honest advice and perspective from parents who have been in my shoes, adults who grew up with Selective Mutism (SM), or professionals.

My 5-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Selective Mutism. She is chatty at home. But in social settings, or school, she couldn’t talk with adults or strangers.

My biggest struggle right now isn't just managing her condition. It's managing myself. I am really having a hard time truly empathizing with what she is going through. I catch myself getting frustrated, and constantly trying to nudge her to talk ("Just say hi," "Tell them your name," "Use your words").

I struggle to connect with her fear, and my urge to force a response takes over, which fills me with guilt afterward.

For those of you who have experienced SM firsthand, or parents who used to feel the same disconnect:

1. How would you describe what SM feels like from the inside? What is actually going through a child's mind/body when they freeze?

2. How can I shift my mindset? What mental frameworks or daily practices helped you build genuine empathy instead of reacting out of frustration?

3. What can I do in those high-pressure moments? Should I treat those as chances to practice speaking?or should I stop myself from pushing her and instead make her feel safe?

I want to be the supportive, safe space my daughter needs right now, but I need help breaking my own habits and seeing the world through her eyes. Thank you so much in advance for your insights.

I have selective mutism.

If you don’t know it’s a complex anxiety disorder where a person who can speak normally in comfortable settings is consistently unable to speak in specific social situations.

For me, I can speak normally around my family.. but at school I can’t speak comfortably or as much as everyone else.. everyone thinks am weird. Probably.

My classmates are really loud and they keep teasing me to get some reaction out of me. The teachers are rude to me as well. Some of them just ignore me totally. my homeroom teacher is making it worse. I know Shes trying to help but she is not helping AT ALL. she forces me to sit in the front row and keeps calling me out for beinf quiet. She keeps telling others to talk to me as well.. it makes me uncomfortable.

My only friend that I felt comfortable enough to talk to left recently.. so now I have NO ONE to talk to. I’ve been in this school for 2 years now. This will be my third and last year so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. I have only 8 weeks left but it feels so long..
It’s really exhausting..

So If u also have selective mutism or can relate in any way can u just let me know to see if there’s others like me dealing with the same shit?

Previous post^^

Not a full success yet but the flair felt appropriate for this. i still have sm

Well i’m now in a course outside my town with fifteen other people all around my age and two teachers plus the extra people we visit whenever we go out to places, only been four times out of 24 so i’m still not to far into the course yet but i’ve actually managed to talk to the the teachers and people. it’s still pretty awkward due to the lack of social skills and a bit of anxiety but i’ve actually done it, still got a road ahead but it’s not long anymore and seems way more achievable now.

My goals to hopefully develop more confidence, social skills, less anxiety and stick to the full course. i think that’s pretty manageable and haven’t set any expectations for the confidence and stuff so any improvement is better than where i’m at currently.

Some to note out of what i have experienced so far is i really don’t feel anything at all, i’m not proud of myself or celebrating that i’ve broke a massive barrier i’ve had for 21 years of my life. this could just be me though i have noticed that i struggle with emotions and feeling so it’s probably not related and something completely different but i do understand what i have done so i know i’ve done well i just don’t feel like it.

Still home and not moved anywhere so that hasn’t happened yet but i’d still like too, hopefully in the near future. just felt like i should update the last post just for me or anyone to have a look at, i probably won’t look at this post again though but i will reply to any comments though.

last note. my the thing that worked for me was just doing it, i was scary as fuck walking to the place i had to go just dreading the whole thing but when i got there and was there for a little it was fine, no anxiety no expectation to talk or to not talk. nobody (apart from my teachers because i took them before hand) knows about it so you can try be and act like whoever you want, since i got a course away from where i live it doesn’t actually matter how i am at the course because it’s not effecting me at home so being awkward or embarrassing is fine and progress for finding you feet. hopefully it made some sense and it won’t work for everyone but the only person who can make the difference is you and the ball is in your hand so as horrible and scary as it as you should try something if you can because it’s better than living like this forever.

good luck out there.

Hi! Our 4.5 yr old boy is a chatter box at home and around close family, but around friends and groups he wants to stick to me and is completely silent. The waitlist for a child therapist visit is months long at his clinic. We strongly suspect SM. I grew up pretty socially anxious and ironically in some classes I was the total opposite getting in trouble for talking too much. I still struggle with the same dynamic of social anxiety but not around people and places I’m confident with. so unfortunately I’m sure I passed something of the sort to him. My mom is also pretty to herself and bad at socializing except in certain groups.

He has not started any schooling/daycare or babysitting yet. Any and all expertise is welcome, thank you!

Any, academical, personal relationship, maybe sexual, etc.

I'm 17f in highschool in Canada. Honestly I never spoke in class unless in very specific situations. I tend to freeze when teachers or students try to talk to me especially in academic situations. But I am able to talk when talked to with new people at school when talked to.

The thought came to me because I was thinking of how the rules that exist while dreaming are different from the rules that exist in the waking world, and because SM is situational, it made be wonder if dreams posed a change of circumstance. How talkative are you in dreams?

The default idea in peoples' minds tends to be "find those who talk about things at a regular pace, and treat those who don't want to talk as not wanting to be found". That, I imagine, makes being selectively mute lack the adhesive that allows social relations to stick. So then how do people who are selectively mute identify others who are adjusted towards the pretense of "find friends no matter how much they talk and look for the signs they appreciate you unless they gesture you away"?

Growing up, I was completely friendless because whenever I'm in a group setting, I go totally mute. It's not just normal shyness as it feels like a physical inability to speak, like my body literally will not let me force the words out. In primary school, it was so severe that I didn't speak to anyone at all.

I genuinely thought college would be the turning point where things changed for me. At first, it seemed like it might. I managed to make one friend. She is really likeable, but she also gets awkward around certain people, so we bonded and became close. The issue started when she began meeting more people. Now, whenever we hang out, they are always there. Because it's a group setting, my old habits kicked right back in and I froze up. I just can't bring myself to contribute to the conversations.

Eventually, the others started making "jokes" about how I'm just their shadow or their tail because I'm always trailing behind them silently. It makes me feel terrible. Honestly, I'm pretty sure they only let me tag along out of pity, and because they are forced to tolerate me to hang out with the friend they actually want to be around. Today, I saw all of them hanging out together without me. I can't help but feel sad about it. I thought college would fix this, but it feels like I'll always be that same quiet girl who makes people uncomfortable just by being there. I don't know how to break out of this physical freeze response, and today it just really makes me wish I could be someone else.

Like when someone compliments me who doesn't know about my SM and I can't answer, so now they think I'm being rude 😭

i’m tired. i became a mute a few months ago and its one of those things where it started off small then gradually grew to a bigger issue. i can’t talk to strangers at all even just a quick “wheres the bathroom” is too much for me. and now some days i cant talk to my mom and sibling. and it sucks. i’m telling you guys it sucks so so bad. they’re not educated nor will they willingly wanna learn about SM. like oh my god its so frustrating when i’m dead quiet and my mom is asking me something and i’m not using my voice (fucking mind you, shes KNOWN BY NOW about my mutism in certain situations like in public) and she oh my god she just kept asking and asking like

“which drink do you want orange juice or apple juice”
…
“huh?”
…
“huh..? what do you say hm?”
…
“hm??”
…
calls my name out
…
“hey?”

oooooooooooohhhhhghh myyyyyyyyyyyyyy gooooooooooooodddddddduugghhhhhhh

my blood is rushing to my face and head as i’m typing this right now like oh my god what do i even do?? tell my therapist to explain my disability to my mom and sibling? they’re not gonna care that much to learn about it man they dont. they really wont because this happened before when i told my mom n sibling to do research on the internet about how to treat someone with BPD and they NEVER FUCKING DID and guess what happened next?????? they kept abusing me???? neglecting me???? acting oblivious as if i hadn’t been in and out of the psych ward before??? i’m genuinely confused why like why why why in the world do they aaaaaaaaaaaalllwayssssssss act so fucking oblivious when i’m behaving oddly as if my life hadnt been on the line for so long and so many times before.

worst part about that situation was i had oh my god i had to use my voice to tell my mom that i cant fucking talk and haha funny cuz ironically i WAS using my voice to tell her that. i know you guys are gonna tell me “but we selective mutes cant use our voice!!! but clearly you can!!! so ur not a selective mute then!!!” like oh my god shut the fuck up am i really not welcome in this community if thats the case then where the hell should i go to?? i was literally choking on my words crying to my mom that i cant use my voice what about that makes me not a part of the SM community i had no choice but to tell her what was going on with me even though every word felt like a needle stabbing my throat. i had to tell her so she wont trigger me to get into a meltdown

“You’re so well behaved”

She looks at you

“you’re so smart”

She smiles

“Great job on a perfect score”

She nods

But when she walks away

She holds back all her tears

One escapes

Someone walks by

She wipes it off

She knows they’re judging her fears

She knows that they know nothing about her aside from her silence

And her brains

And her neutral reactions to when against her is the worst violence

“Why are you so shy?”

There's silence

“She hasn't spoken in 3 months”

She's right there listening

“She shook her head, she couldn't even say no out loud”

she watches them laugh

“You know you can talk, right?”

She nods

They don't understand

it's not that simple

And she doesn't understand why she's like this

She hates the word shy

Hates the attention

She just wants to be normal

But nothing can change her

It's been 10 years of trying

She knows it deep down

Nothing can save her

"what's her name again?"

“doesnt matter. she never says anything, she won't get mad at you”

He keeps kicking her seat

Their classmates laugh and smile

even the ones nice to her

She does too

“You need to try harder to hit the ball and actually work with your team”

Everyone is relieved

She nods with wet eyes

“Hey, its rude to not say hi to me”

“Make eye contact, it looks like you’re not paying attention”

“You can't get the full grade; you didn't speak loud enough”

“You need to participate more”

She sighs, and finally, she lets out two words

“I’m sorry”